Wednesday, January 23, 2013

All Extremes are Dysfunctional

You know I've never wanted one thing to define me!  My life is not just the mom of 5 kids a preacher's wife, the mom of adopted kids, the mom of special needs kids I'm not just a Christian, an American a woman a former probation officer,a blogger, a gardener .....  All those things are parts of who I am,,.

But it is a struggle.  In Real Life, some of you might not even like me!  And I'm sure I might not like YOU either!  LOL (no really I'm laughing...)   I don't "play well with others".  I love people but most of the time I'd rather love them from afar:)  Now I love the disenfranchised~ those are the folks I often feel the most comfortable with, no being fake, not having to be "spiritual", and for the most part not having to live up to some one's standards of who I should be.  BTW the disenfranchised I'm talking about are the ones who have  had their rights or privileges taken away, not in a political way (although that could be the case in some instances)  but  the orphans, the prisoners, the disabled, the old.....

It's so funny to me that I always wanted to be a preacher's wife until I was actually one!  Now I love my husband and I know I married the right person but I'm not preacher's wife material!  I HATE seminars and small groups. Please do not ask me to go to a "women's retreat" or worse a "pastor's wife's retreat"  (been there, done that, one time was way more than enough for me and yes there is a story there that is quite funny but no I can't share it yet)  I would absolutely never go on a "marriage retreat"  UGH!   I do not read much Christian books ( most of them are a bunch of hogwash anyhow) I like theology books ( I mean real theology not "Your 7 steps to financial freedom or Healing or whatever")  Most Christian "music" leaves me cold....   I do love the hymns. And Lord knows I hate Christian TV well actually I will watch it sometimes just to get a good laugh or get good and mad!   I HATE to hug!!!  HATE!!!!  I'm not a touchy feely person, except with my family and there are days when I reach my threshold early on with them.....  I don't like men who are patronizing and they seldom like me since I don't put up with nonsense.  The older I get the less I put up with.  I'm a conservative Republican but I don't always vote Republican but I am very pro-life but I believe strongly in the death sentence (remember I worked as a probation officer many years!) 

I love keeping the earth clean, Green living and I'm a tree hugger, although I know this earth will one day pass away and I really dislike Al Gore....  I believe in eating as natural as possible, no chemicals, no NITRIDES, as organic as possible ( my garden is 100% organic and it is a pain!)  But I really believe fervently in vaccinations and never had the slightest desire to breast feed!  That just seemed way too gross for all of us!  I love animals ( often they are easier to love than humans) and won't kill anything except mosquitoes and ants and flys!  We even take out spiders and roaches (they have their place in the eco system!  I'm not a Vegan but wish I liked veggies enough to be one but I don't:)   I love to read mysteries with a passion, actually I love to read almost anything (except for the afore mentioned christian books!)   Libraries are my favorite place to be!  I love Maps and seldom get lost, I am a GPS:)  I'm pretty smart and confident in my skills, I'm very administrative and see the big picture.  I'm sarcastic ( oh you have no idea....)  I love guns and target practice, I'm a good conservative but not always.... I hate horses ( one of the few animals I do not care for at all)  I love getting messy and real with people, I can roll with the punches and I have learned (especially in the past year or so) to be incredibly flexible in every area of my life.


I love my husband and feel like we work as a team now (for the first 10 or so years it was not like that) I do believe in submission, in the sense if he was truly against something, I wouldn't do it or if he really felt strongly we should do something, I would do it.... Most of the time we agree. One thing that worries me in the "church world" is young women who get married, have kids and have no real skills. It's funny there is this huge swing back to the 50's mentality in some groups. That is scary to me. I made it on my own in college and worked sometimes 3 jobs at once. I had a career until I realized that Sam needed me to stay home with him. I LOVE being a stay at home mom BUT I have the skills to work a real job if I had to support my family. That brings a huge comfort to me! I don't ever want to be totally dependant on one person! I can remember women who were totally dependant on their husbands for everything. One poor women in my church had a mean hateful husband. He controlled her life, how long she could stand around after church, what she wore, how often they saw their grown children (who hated their father) he'd make her walk to work in the rain...my great aunts and grandmother would hold her up as an example of what not to be. All three of them were strong women who worked when it was unfashionable and two of them divorced their husbands! But they always told me to be able to stand on my own two feet. My grandmother almost had a heart attack when I told her Jon and I had a joint checking account! She never had one with either of her husbands! 


 I love my friends & others who aren't Christian but I believe in a clear cut message.  I don't believe a "watered down gospel"   I believe if you are not a Christian, you will not go to heaven.  I personally wish that the Bible wasn't quite so strict but hey I didn't write it!  I have friends that I consider them "living in sin" whether they are living in homosexuality, with a boy/girl friend or just "out there" in various ways, not attempting to live a moral, upright life (according to scripture-not what some particular church preaches)  To me scripture is pretty plain and people crack me up when they try to give "soft" explanations for things...  this is pretty plain in 1 Corinthians 6 ." 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.  I also do not think people who ignore the orphans, the widows, the poor ( and i mean the poor ) will go to heaven....  there are too many Scriptures commanding us as the body of Christ to take care of "the least of these" 



I am so not perfect...but I do believe in a standard of living that draws us close to God and to others.  I may not come up to your standard or you may think my standard is too high....I don't know but I do know that God can reach each of us where we are at and help us to reach up higher! 

I feel like I have fought legalism all my life.  When I was a teenager, I was absolutely one of the most chaste girls ( because I was petrified of going to hell!).  But one time I was in my room reading the bible, on a hot summer's day in Florida with no a/c, in shorts and my great aunt Ruby, came in and said "you whore, why are you even reading the bible"   That was a turning point in my life.  I decided then and there I would not allow anyone to ever judge me spiritually by something like that!  Now there are times in my life I needed some judging but that was not one of them!  I've fought spiritual abuse in the church world.  I've fought being put into some one's mold and sometimes I don't think people always realize what they do or try to do to others.  There were several times "in ministry" that I felt we were in spiritual abusive situations.  That's just sad!  I don't even know if the folks realized what they were doing...but looking back (and even at the time) it's easy to see it was unhealthy!   We really really try our best to never put others into those types of situations.  Listen, if the Bible doesn't call something wrong, I'm not going to hop in and tell someone they are "in sin" 

I really worry about several groups in the evangelical church world today.  There are the pentecostal/charismatic ones who seem to want to draw folks in to scam them and then there are other groups who try to draw in folks to lord over them.  I've read some about some of the movements in the church world today and there is some stinking scary things out there!  It's like if there is something good like homeschooling or large families or mentoring some idiot has to go and take it to some weird legalistic degree......how about this quote I learned in Bible college "All extremes are dysfunctional"  I try and remember that whenever I want to go on a tangent!  See this is why I don't "fit in" anywhere...I refuse to be extreme....  Jon and I are probably considered by many to be conservative parents....until we are around other "conservative " parents and then I think we look liberal...but we have our children's hearts~they are our kids but they are also our friends and we actually enjoy being with them 99.9% of the time!

Ever see the movie "Liar Liar"?  I am too much like the actor in the movie that something happened to him and he couldn't lie....(it's been a long time since I saw the movie)  I can't lie....I can' say politically correct things.... I can't make "nice talk" or fake talk.....  Oh there are times when I wish I could just play the game (whichever game it was at the time) but I can't....I absolutely just can NOT do it!  People don't like that.....  So please don't ask me my opinion on something if you don't want to know....I won't say the "right " thing.  It's not that I'm a "know it all" or at least I hope it is not because of that but it's just because I'm a person who can't fake it.  The best I can do is just stay quiet....I try really I do....but I dont' always succeed!

One time I was in a church service, I was in college and there was a very false doctrine going around at the time.  The doctrine was that Jesus would come back in the fall of 1988.  Well I went to a church with a boyfriend and the only thing that pastor could speak about was this false prophecy but he believed it was truth!  Finally one Sunday night the guy was going on and on and on....and  he called the author of the book Dr So and So just one time too many and I piped up and ask "And where did he get his doctorate from???"  It just came out without my control....LOLOL  The pastor sputtered and just went on...I found out he did not appreciate it but come on...obviously the pastor and this guy were wrong!!!  

I hate false doctrine in the church!  I really hate when folks don't know what they believe or how to explain it.  I hate false doctrine that doesn't prepare people for the reality of the sorrows of this life and teaches that God is some big Genie in the sky who will fulfill their wildest dreams.  I hate that that doctrine has crept into the Evangelical churches.....it's awful and it causes so many to lose faith when something doesn't work out the way they think it should go!  Oh the blogs and stories I've read of folks being hurt by others or by false doctrine and who now not trust God with their lives.  In fact so many of them turn away from God 100%.  I've seen in happen to dear dear friends who went through hard times and decided since God didn't provide the miracle they wanted the hell with God....  it's so sad and I know, I was there myself at one time.  And why do folks get to that point???  Some of it is their own fault but I lay much of the blame at the feet of their pastors....  Our church can tell you we don't whitewash the Christian walk and preach that everything is just going to be hunky dory....  I guess that would be really hard to fake for us.....


So it is almost 3 am and I have probably ticked off everyone who reads this blog but this thought has been rolling around in my empty head for days and just had to come out.....remember this blog was created years ago for me and although you are welcomed to follow I do write what I'm thinking about....  Maybe in some odd way this rant tonight has encouraged you to be real and authentic in your faith.  (Although I hate that word authentic  more often than not when someone uses it, they are not  authentic!  LOL)  Another new "christian term" I hate is the word "servant/leader...why do I hate that term?  Because i have heard it preached/taught and primarily the ones preaching or talking about it seemed more concerned about themselves than being real servants.  I find the ones who just "do it" don't have to tell others to do it they show by example!  I will never forget one time years ago, Sam was having an issue with his implant and we were down in the South Florida area over the weekend and went to a bigger church and the pastor was throwing that term around....and he had so many "armor bearers" we couldn't get through to get prayer for Sam without almost having a pat down....I kid you NOT!!!!  I left with the sickest feeling in the pit of my stomach!  "Armor Bearers" really????   Armor bearers are supposed to be helpers, in some churches we'd call them ushers....but most ushers wouldn't be carrying the pastor's bible/coat etc....it was odd....very odd.....  The life style around that pastor made me doubt very seriously that he was any type of real servant/leader.

I know by now you are saying "Judge not"....I just "love" (said sarcastically) how that piece of scripture is taken out of context....usually by folks who don't want their sin or lifestyle judged.... 

There is a balance....in everything.....

25 comments:

  1. :-)

    Praying for you, Selah, and all at your house!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You didn't tick me off! You just spoke a lot of truth!

    I love that you can't lie easily- my husband is the same and it is such a blessing.

    Have you read the Elizabeth Peters books about Amelia Peabody? Her other books aren't nearly as good, but if you love mysteries, these are the best. Older ones are better- the last 3 aren't as good, as the author is getting up in years.

    Praying for nursing and especially Selah's full restoration!
    Maria

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will look for her books. she writes stuff that is about Egyptians or something right? I think I've read a few. My fav is Agatha christie I have the whole set!

      Delete
  3. I disagree with you on so much, but I love your honesty!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your post was AWESOME!! My sentiments exactly!
    We would so get along great! I wish we lived closer.
    I have gotten myself into more trouble over the years living just the way you do!! Not long after my husband and I were married we attended the church he had been going to for years. We were asked to take over the youth group and met with the pastor. He grilled me on my faith (I had attended a Christian & Missionary Alliance church before getting married.) I guess I passed the test but he said the "elders" might ask that I be "re-baptized". I had been dunked and I took that statement of faith very seriously...I proceeded to tell him that "Hell will freeze over before I am re-baptized to appease an elder board!" My husband nearly died! The subject didn't come up again and we DID lead the youth for several years!
    Sheri

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness.. LOL I've never been asked to be rebatized YET:) I've gotten myself in trouble too over the years but I figure the trouble comes from folks who have their own issues usually of control, I think you found that out too!!

      Delete
  5. Nice to meet another adoptive mom! Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such nice comments. I left you the information but will repeat it here--if you go to my blog and scroll way down on the RIGHT you should see the subscribe button. Or if you use Google Reader you can input the URL and follow it there. Here is the URL http://hopewellmomschoolreborn.blogspot.com/

    Thanks again for your nice comments--you made my month! And, as a Mom who has been thru it with a nameless child I thank your husband for his service to those in prison.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your blog was way too inspiring to me LOLOL I found it by googling the duggars LOL and then I found your blog. I was laughing out loud several times reading and agreeing.....I hope i figured out how to follow your blog, i had issues...maybe my son can figure it out but I don't think i have any of the ways you can follow yours unless i was doing something wrong

      Delete
  6. Well now I can't read your blog anymore, Yvonne, because you save roaches and kill ants - I am exactly the opposite! Just kidding. I love these posts because I hate how people seem so often to confuse conformity or "being nice" with virtue. And, I don't stand up for myself as much as I should, so I'm learning from you. You might not like it, but I kind of view you like a wise aunt. But don't worry - I wouldn't hug you! I am not a touchy feely person either! You actually sound like a lot of us here in the Ozarks - independent folks who don't follow the crowd and are funny and goodhearted (generally Christian) but often cantankerous. I like that. Hope you don't mind my saying so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We love the Ozarks:) Jon's family is from Arkansas and we have gone up a few times and I just love that area and how folks are there:) I love the word cantankerous....I think it means "that person won't agree with me" LOLOLOL

      Delete
  7. I love your honesty. I admire your strength. I myself was not brought up in a religious household, so finding a place in a Church has been a difficult journey for me. I don't feel like I fit in at all. My relationship with God has been pretty personal and a one-on-one. (I feel). It's hard to feel very outside-ish when you try different Churches. Hell, I even tried Synagogues on my quest to find some form of religion. I have done things in my life that would deem me (by Bible standards) unworthy of the Kingdom of God. I deeply regret those decisions and actions I made back then, and I realize it was not so much the fear of God, but because of the people I hurt, and the regret of missing out on some things that would have been so good for me now. Hindsight is always 20/20. I have confessed many times to God and told him how sorry I was for what I have done, and I only hope he has listened. I love helping others, and doing my share of service, but I find since I haven't found a place in a Church, I do it because I like helping people and helping children (and animals). I don't know if that will ever be a good enough reason to do what I do, but it is mine. I guess right now, I am still a conflicated soul just still in a search.

    ReplyDelete
  8. i do believe in church and fellowship with others but it is hard to rust others sometimes. I hope you will find a great place that will use your gifts!

    Reading your post reminds me of the parapble Jesue told about the Pharisee and the publican....(not the republican LOL) and both men came to pray....Luke 18


    9 And he spake this parable unto certain which atrusted in themselves that they were righteous, and bdespised others:

    10 Two men went up into the temple to apray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

    11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am anot as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

    12 I afast twice in the week, I give btithes of all that I cpossess.

    13 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a asinner.

    14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that aexalteth himself shall be abased; and he that bhumbleth himself shall be exalted.

    So I believe god heard and hears your prayer. I know I've done some things in my life I am not proud of and when I look back I just wince..... The bible says when we come to God He will not cast us out.... if you'd ever like to email me privately please feel free to do so theclanton5@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am an athiest. Honestly, I believe that religion breeds evil/hatred and that it's all really a bunch of fairy tales and nonsense, along with being a total waste of money and time. Even if there was a god, with the way he "loves the children" by giving them cancer, disease, allowing near drownings, etc, I wouldn't trust that muther effer to make me a sandwich. Honestly, I am quite surprised that you are so religious, as you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

    I have enjoyed reading your blog and tend to skim, rather quickly, through the 'jesus/god' oriented parts, but I do enjoy checking in on Selah. It always amazes me how people tend to hold onto faith even when "God/Jesus" screws them over royally. I am so sad for what happened to your sweet Selah. It is a shame that if there is a God that he sat idly by, arms folded, as your sweet babies fell into the canal, doing nothing to stop it, but that "he" gets credit for the small shreds of hope by using the bodies natural tendency to heal as "miracles due to praying and worshipping him." I don't offer prayers, but you and your sweet kiddos are definitely in my thoughts. Thinking you you.

    Melissa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Melissa....

      I guess I feel that God is not a genie up in outer space who gives us a perfect life but a Real God who walks with us through life. I do think He created our bodies to heal naturally in so many ways. I agree with you that religion causes so many problems in this world. Religion is just man's way of looking at and trying to figure out God. You know how it is with people we tend to screw up everything we get invovled in!!!!

      I appreciater your love and concern for Selah and us even tho you don't agree with me:) Your comment does mean alot to me! Thank you

      Delete
  10. Nope, I'm still here and still love you and your family (and I promise to NOT hug you. It will be a trial but I shall perservere).

    This is YOUR blog and your beliefs. I don't have to agree but I do respect your right to your beliefs--because I truly believe who you ARE is a fantastic person (with no one definition to label you) and your feelings, beliefs, etc come from your heart, not out of a desire to harm or be cruel but out of loving your God.

    I will admit the breastfeeding thing threw me off a bit but....*shrug* there's more to being a mom than that. And your kids are definitely blessed to have you as their mom.

    Very thought provoking....and thanks for letting us comment on it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BAhaha....I'm not too natural.....

      Delete
  11. You do not know me, but I am a friend of a friend (Nickie Manja was my formerly my assistant), and Dr. Michael Dusing (who I am betting was one of your theology professors) was my former boss. I first heard about your family through the national media and thought about the tragedy that your family was experiencing. As I frequently do, I said a quick prayer and for the next several days felt compelled to continue praying. Then Nickie started reposting your blog on the internet. When I would see the link I would click on it and read up on how you and your family were doing, and I would pray for you, Jon, the children, the doctors and nurses, and Selah, ever, ever Selah. For the last months I have visited your blog every night before I go to bed so I can find out how Selah is. She reminds me very much of a child I loved, and though imperfect in the eyes of man could never have been a more blessed gift. A treasure that couldn't be measured and whose value was far beyond mortal reckoning.

    I have started to respond to you several times. Usually after one of your theological "rants," typically because I am laughing so hard by the end of them that I can hardly breathe. You have very eloquently stated, more times than I can count, EXACTLY what I believe. Then I think, "she is so busy, and she doesn't know me, and what difference can being told that she is absolutely right make to her anyway?"

    But tonight I feel compelled to tell you that I think that your theology is impeccable. The hippocracies you highlighted, trend you have observed and are concerned with, even some of your predispositions are ones that I have noted and frequently railed about.

    I come from a vastly different background, but agree with you on your thinking and on your theology, and on your demand for others to defend their misguided beliefs with true scriptural backing and actual theology as opposed to the popular theology which maddens me to the point of frustration.

    So tonight just know that, for what it's worth, I think you're right. I agree with you. I am not ticked off, but laughing because you have said what I have said, again. I will continue to pray.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You do not know me, but I am a friend of a friend (Nickie Manja was my formerly my assistant), and Dr. Michael Dusing (who I am betting was one of your theology professors) was my former boss. I first heard about your family through the national media and thought about the tragedy that your family was experiencing. As I frequently do, I said a quick prayer and for the next several days felt compelled to continue praying. Then Nickie started reposting your blog on the internet. When I would see the link I would click on it and read up on how you and your family were doing, and I would pray for you, Jon, the children, the doctors and nurses, and Selah, ever, ever Selah. For the last months I have visited your blog every night before I go to bed so I can find out how Selah is. She reminds me very much of a child I loved, and though imperfect in the eyes of man could never have been a more blessed gift. A treasure that couldn't be measured and whose value was far beyond mortal reckoning.

    I have started to respond to you several times. Usually after one of your theological "rants," typically because I am laughing so hard by the end of them that I can hardly breathe. You have very eloquently stated, more times than I can count, EXACTLY what I believe. Then I think, "she is so busy, and she doesn't know me, and what difference can being told that she is absolutely right make to her anyway?"

    But tonight I feel compelled to tell you that I think that your theology is impeccable. The hippocracies you highlighted, trend you have observed and are concerned with, even some of your predispositions are ones that I have noted and frequently railed about.

    I come from a vastly different background, but agree with you on your thinking and on your theology, and on your demand for others to defend their misguided beliefs with true scriptural backing and actual theology as opposed to the popular theology which maddens me to the point of frustration.

    So tonight just know that, for what it's worth, I think you're right. I agree with you. I am not ticked off, but laughing because you have said what I have said, again. I will continue to pray.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you and I'd love to sit down with Dr Dusing again and hear from him! I was taught to THINK and not get caught up in foolishness and I'm thankful for the teaching I recieved at SEC! It took me years to really think for myself completely. It's amazing the guilt trip that other christians try to put on you!!! Even in this journey with Selah I've had a few people try to put me on a guilt trip that I just wasn't spiritual enough..... and thus Selah is not healed....how werid and sick!!!

      Delete
    2. UGH I hate that attitude. I've been treated that way by churches and other "Christians" that if their praying didn't work, it was MY fault!

      God has performed healing in my life--just not the healing others think it should be.

      Delete
  13. Well Miss. Yvonne all I can say is I'm still diggin you!!! Cuz that was what I call "REAL TALK"! I love real talk! I love when people have the guts to say what they mean & mean what they say! I hate when preachers wife's have to watch their every move & can't express how they feel or what they think because the preacher might get voted out. & she can't have friends because if they figure out she's just a regular down to earth chic well then she's just not " spiritual" enough. So she ends up always being alone & only hangs out with her fam or other preachers wife's. I think that sux! I mean come on everybody has to "pick their nose" once in awhile! LOL ( that's just a figure of speech haha) but you know what I mean! Preachers wife's are real too, regular woman with their own thoughts & feelings! I say WAY TO GO!! & I'm not huggin ya I'm sending ya a high five sista! Great stuff! *REAL TALK*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you:) Other preachers wives don't usually like me LOL

      Delete
  14. Love, love, love this post! I must say you've comletely helped to restor my faith. Also it is very nice and comforting to see someone else who has the same opinion on breast feeding!!

    ReplyDelete