Friday, January 25, 2013

Dream

I had the most incredible dream last night....we were home and i was working in my garden and walked back into the house and Selah was standing by the front door wearing a sundress and she was still little and as I came in, Jon  came in from the kitchen and sat down and said "I was just about to come and get you, she seems completely back to normal" it seemed like I knew she had improved some but then she was was totally back to "her" normal! She was waving her arms all around like she used to do and one of us had given her a doll to hold and she dropped it.  That was something we were working on with her.  Since she waved her arms around in such an odd fashion (and there was NO medical issues with why she did it)  we encouraged her to keep her arms down and hold something.  It was helping some.  Between the odd arm waving and the way she walked, that is why she was diagnosed with CP in Ukraine.  But she had no CP, it is almost like it was a learned behavior or movement.  We thought so because we saw her watching Sam (who walks on tip toes sometimes) and then she imitated him!  There was nothing wrong with her, she just picked it up from being around him.  she also had a funny scoot on the ground.  The same scoot that the teenage girl that watched her did.    And in the dream she was SMILING! (that didn't happen much!) what a dream, hope it comes true!!!!!

I'm NOT saying this dream was necessarily from God but it was a wonderful dream:)  It could have just been my own thoughts as I usually fall asleep praying for her.  Only time will tell........

I usually have crazy stupid mixed up dreams IF I even remember them! 

It was so good to see her like that and it just seemed so real, like all our furniture was in the right places, it wasn't one of those split up dreams where half is in one place like normal and them the other part of it is in some crazy place.  I tend to have crazy dreams like on I'm on drugs or something LOL

This morning Jon is with her doing all her care.  I'm going in at lunch, still getting all the gunk out of my lungs, I'm at the stage where I wake up coughing the stuff out!  YUCK!    And BTW I was sooooo sore this morning after riding the trolley yesterday! 

Jon said she got annoyed in cognitive therapy and she closed her eyes and refused to look at the therapist.  As soon as they left the room she opened her eyes and was not in the least bit tired acting.  CT is the least favorite therapy of hers ( and ours)  It basically is just to see her responses to pain and loud noise and things like that.  She does not like it and we had thought it had been cancelled but I guess not....

She was looking at herself in a big mirror and then she looked at Jon in the mirror too.  He feels like she is alert today.  We will go outside this afternoon.  Love this great weather! 

Please pray that she will return to her normal.  I always say "her normal" because she wasn't a typical "normal" 8 year old.  but we adore her exactly where she was at!  We picked her exactly as she was and were honored (and still are) to be her parents!!   People tell me that they are praying she returns "even better off" than she was...and I understand that, of course we want our child's life to be great but for us, we loved our funny little girl just like she was and yes we were working with her and getting her into therapy but we were also fine if she never improved.  we accepted Sarah and Selah where they were, knowing there was a chance they would never go beyond that....and it was ok. 

When Sam was born, I adored him but I wanted to "fix" him!  Not so much for ourselves but it just killed me that his life wouldn't be "normal".  At some point, our whole way of thinking changed.  We believe that Sam, Sarah and Selah were "fearfully and wonderfully made"  God allowed their conception and their lives.  They weren't "perfect" in the eyes of the world but they are to God and to us also. 

Of course, this accident changed Selah from who she was and that hurts.  With Sam, we grew to know his "blindness and delays" were part of who he is and we accepted it.  I'm not saying I ever quit praying for Sam but there was such an acceptance in my heart, that most if not all, of the pain was gone.  So for me, it is easier to accept what a person is born with, as being THAT unique person.

Now I am NOT saying we don't accept Selah for who she is right now!  We do and are 100% committed to her even if she never ever gets any better!  But it is harder to accept this accident and what it has done to her.  We want to see her improve.  We will give all we have to see that and do whatever we have to to see her get everything she needs and every chance to improve.  She deserves better than this but whatever happens she will have the best life possible for herself. 

So please pray for our sweet little girl who has her own opinions of what therapy she will participate in!!!  Go Selah! 

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