Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Five months ago.....Commitment

Five months ago, right about this time as I type  this, our lives changed forever......

People have said to me they can't believe how I've handled this ordeal.  It embarrasses me when they say it....how do you respond to that?  "well thanks I'm pretty spiritual"  LOLOL....    truly the only way I've handled these past five months have been through God's strength.  I do not say it lightly....  I am not some  spiritual giant.  I've never spent hours and hours in prayer, I'm a DOER!  I pray as I go....  I'm not sinless LOLOLOL  and if you know me you are laughing out loud also!  I've got a temper that I barely keep under control...but I'm not an angry person, I just don't have time to put up with foolishness, falseness, power plays or stupidity.  There is to much to do for God and for others to waste my time. 

The one thing that I did that has help bring me through this is a commitment I made almost 9 years ago standing in a hospital corridor.  I was watching an "undeserving" (in my  opinion ) family take home a healthy newborn as my son struggled for his life in the NICU.  You see about 9 years before that moment, we had lost twins and I went through "a season of the soul" that lasted for years, I was bitter at God, the world, everyone around me....you name it and I was bitter about it.  I worked through it and with God's forgiveness I was able to overcome it.   Bitterness is a terrible thing.....  so in that hospital corridor, I had to chose to trust God or allow bitterness to overcome me once again.....I chose TRUST!  Not so much because I was so spiritual but because I knew what bitterness does to a life and I did not want to go through that again.  So that day, I chose to trust God, not knowing what was ahead for me in parenting a sweet little disabled boy~Sam.  But I soon learned there was so much JOY in my choice!  To trust God and lean on Him became the very thing that my soul needed to heal from that hurt.  He bound up my broken heart, broken over the fact my little boy would never have a "normal" life.  Can I tell you today that doesn't even make my heart twinge? 

So when the accident happened, I reminded myself to TRUST and I remind myself DAILY to trust God.  He didn't cause the accident, He didn't cause Sam to be born blind, He didn't cause my twins to die, but He is the rebuilder of broken dreams.  I committed to trust God and to "not charge Him foolishly"  That means I don't spend my time asking "WHY God?"  "Why did this happen to us?"  "Why did this happen to Selah"  of course I know it was human error/an accident and I don't put the blame on God for not preventing it.  I also don't put a burden on my husband's shoulders for letting it happen.  We've all had situations that could have been just as bad...accidents happen, no one is perfect.  I also don't put the blame on "the devil"  I don't think the devil caused it....we live in a fallen world...the very week of the accident, one child drown 2 days before, one man a day before and an handicapped man 3 days later JUST in the Rochester area....  Our children were the only ones who lived....  Accidents happen....by looking away for a moment, things can happen.  We are fragile humans.....

So I trust God....I don't even necessarily believe it's"all part of His plan"  but I trust HIM!  I believe He can" work it all for good"  but I certainly don't believe He preordained tragedy.....  But I trust Him....  He knew what laid ahead for our family.....He knew when He sent that lady to me in the mall months before to tell me "Something big is ahead for your family, do not be afraid, many will see"   I don't know why He didn't stop it from happening but God is not a genie....we live in a fallen world, we aren't promised a rose garden even if we are Christians....

Can I encourage you to trust God?  We all have our stories and our tragedies....but if you will trust God despite what you go through and quit blaming God for the bad things in your life, then maybe you might just find that peace you crave.  I don't believe you will find peace any other way......

Let God write your life story.  I'm not saying just lay back and do nothing but let Him be there in the story of your life....  He will be your peace when there is no other peace to be found, I can promise you that!  No one or nothing else will be that peace you seek. 

I am so not a perfect person and I will be the first to say it (before someone else chimes in...)  I don't claim to be the most spiritual,  but I'm confident in the One who I depend on....  I know He will be there for me, even if I don't get the "pastor's wife of the year award" and have to tell someone off LOL! 


  1. Your comments seem to address me directly. I hope to be able to follow this advice.

  2. Thank you so much....I needed to read this today, very very much. I'm in a difficult place with my health. I truly believe that God works through people--and your words spoke volumes to me.

    Thanks for helping me redirect my thoughts and energy back to Him.

    I know what you mean though, when ppl ask me how I do it (like the fact I have headaches/migraines every day for over 8 years)...it's like....um.....you just DO. What's the alternative?


  3. Thank you so much, Yvonne. This was a very helpful, truth-speaking post. Praying for you!