Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Thoughts on Adoption

With all that has been in the media lately about Russia's ban on adoption, I just have to share my feelings.  Obviously this is just a purely political move that shows us Putin's heart (as if we thought he was a kind hearted man)  It seems to go beyond a political statement.  I'm not a big one on blaming things on the devil but this ban seems almost demonic in nature. 

It's hard to explain adoption and the love that it brings.  I remember way back in the middle 90's when Steve was a baby, I read an article in Charisma magazine about "dying rooms" in China.  Rooms where special needs children were placed to die!  I cried reading that article and had a "knowing" in my heart that one day we would adopt from China.  I can remember sitting on our bedroom floor, bawling and holding Steve.  I prayed that God would prepare the way and protect the child He had for us!  It was another 11 years before that adoption took place!  I soon forgot all about that prayer...but God in Heaven remembered....

Growing up I was raised by my great aunt and uncle.  It wasn't the worst upbringing but it certainly wasn't an Ozzie/Harriet type of life either.  BUT it sure beat the heck out of the  alternative, being raised by either of my "biological parents"!   I'm sure the love of my great aunt to me, probably opened my eyes to loving a child that wasn't my "biological" child.  

look at that sad baby!!

When I saw Shad's picture, I was drawn to him immediately!  I can't explain it....  same way with Sarah and Selah.....  they become YOUR child!  The closest thing to compare it to is seeing your child's sonogram photos....You examine every little part of them that you can see...I remember being memorized by Sarah's hands!  Don't ask me why but I loved her little hands in every picture I saw of her! 

I got this picture of Sarah while we were waiting and I just memorized it

And this one last Valentine's day to reassure me Sarah was ok.
This is one of the first pictures of Selah taken a few years ago

And here is one taken last year for us right before we went to Ukraine
So when you see these pictures even before you meet the child, you love them.  Then after you meet them....they are your child....I can not imagine having gone to court, and passing court and then not being allowed to bring the child home.  Jon & I talked about that and he said he was sure I'd be in a Ukrainian jail still if that had happened to us!  
I can't explain the love that you have but it is real and you would die for your child.  Adoption is just a word.  My three adopted children mean the same to me as my biological children.  It's hard for me to fathom they actually were someone else's biological child....  With Shad being abandoned we have no birth parent info.  On the girls we have a lot of info ....  with all three sets of parents, I have no desire to meet them, no desire to thank them....their actions condemned my three children to a life in an orphanage....  I'm a mom, of a special needs biological child and I wouldn't have left his side for one minute, much less gave him away because of his disability.  Shad's vision impairment happened because of an accident.  Our doctors can tell he was not born with his eye like it is.  It looks as if he fell onto something and it went into his eye.  there is scar tissue all the way up into the optic nerve.  It was a very bad accident....then his family left him on a street.  He was no longer "perfect"  They walked away from him, after an accident....   That bothers me so much....  that would be like us walking away from Selah after her accident....I can not imagine.  She is even dearer to us now than she was before, if that could be possible! 
So I think of all the abandoned children in Russia, especially the special needs ones...does Putin really think that his Russian people are going to adopt those children??  Read this blog of a blind Russian girl...     she is amazing  and she tells Putin at the end to lead the change and adopt a few handicapped kids.....  You go girl!!!!
So many countries with their backgrounds not rooted and grounded in Christianity have such a jaded attitude towards adoption, especially special needs adoption.  Look at China, Russia, all the former Soviet Union countries....they don't respect LIFE and it shows.  In America we help our weakest, things may not be perfect but I can promise you they are much better than any other country on the face of this earth!  If you doubt me, then take me to the nearest mental institution that is full of malnourished sick bed ridden handicapped children and I might just believe you.....but you won't find that in America....and if you did, people would go to prison for it!!! 
I pray that this awful ban is lifted and adoption are allowed to proceed....Putin wants to say that 19 children of the 100,000 plus that have been adopted by Americans over the years have died in their parents care.  I wonder how many children are dying MONTHLY in orphanages in Russia???  If I had to guess, I'd say probably more than 19!  Of course any death that could be prevented is awful but the truth of the matter is, adoptive parents pass such scrutiny and background checks, as well as education classes, that they are well prepared and really want to be parents....Adoption is not an accident!  You don't just "happen to adopt"  it is HARD!  And I think it should be, it shows that a family has perseverance and really want the child or children, to the point their whole life is turned upside down. 
People adopt for various personal reasons....some say they do not like the idea of "rescuing" their child but for us that was a part of our adoption.  We certainly rescued them and gave them the love of a family.  It thrills me to do things for my kids that I know they never had before, even if it is ice cream or whatever...  I love taking care of them and knowing they'll never be hungry again!  We think of the three of them as JEWELS that were hidden away.....not appreciated, then they were taken out of the dark, cleaned off and then they could shine! 
I keep reading different articles and hearing things on tv.  I hope this is just Putin acting big and bad and I hope he will back down after he thinks his point is made.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I had always said that I never ever wanted to adopt from Eastern Europe, including Russia, because of the uncertainty of the adoptions and the changes that happen over night...  Of course then we adopted from Ukraine and did go through some of the ups and downs that I was afraid of!  But it was worth it to get our girls!!!  


  1. Yvonne,

    I have been reading your heart-wrenching blog since Selah's accident. I have commented a few times that I was praying for you. But this time it is more of a disagreement I have with blanket statements about people in other countries not respecting life. When we were in Beijing for our adoption there was a news story. The story was that people were protesting that a home for the elderly was going to be built in their neighborhood. It was shameful to them to think that these older people would be put it in a home instead of cared for by their children. We think nothing of this in America. Do we respect the lives of our elderly? I believe it is always important to understand people from the context of their culture. They are not perfect, nor are we. Just my two cents.

    1. The Asian culture does respect the elderly but overall the respect of life espicially of children/handicapped people is not the same in countries that do not recognize God.

    2. And although Americans do put their elderly in homes, those homes are held to a standard.....wish I saw some standards in the orphanges I've been in.

  2. My best friend and her husband adopted a special needs little girl from china few years ago. This beautiful little girl is our family . we could not even think of our lives with out her. she was family from the moment we saw her. SO our family knows where your coming from. God opened the door for her to come home. They where on the waiting list for an adoption and prayed about switching to special needs . With in a very short time God answered the prayer and they had their daughter. What I have seen and heard while helping my friends with all they did I can tell you china needs our prayers.

  3. "Look at China, Russia, all the former Soviet Union countries....they don't respect LIFE and it shows. In America we help our weakest, things may not be perfect but I can promise you they are much better than any other country on the face of this earth!"

    I have to disagree with you on this. Americans don't have mental institutions with disabled children, because those children don't exist! They are Murdered...aborted before they even have a chance. I have to admire those women who choose Life for their child. They are in very poor countries, so they can't take care of a disabled child.

    1. You need to check the statistics on abortion in those countries!!!! For the most part they exceed America's statistics although we in America are very guilty of allowing abortions! I hate abortion for any reason....except for the mother's life and that is so so so rare....