Wednesday, October 30, 2013

17 years ago today......

17 years ago today.........

I went in for a procedure to have my dead twins taken out of my uterus.  We had known for a week that they were dead.  Our insurance had tried to get me to agree to go to an abortion clinic to have the procedure done but I refused....that refusal saved my life. 

We went to the VERY same hospital, St Luke's Roosevelt in NYC, that we had Stephen at.  In fact we had brought him home from the hospital a year to the day that I had to go in for this.

We got up early and left Steve with some friends.  It was going to be an "easy" procedure and I'd be home by the afternoon.  Well, it didn't quite go like that....

Following the procedure I had DIC (Disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) is a rare, life-threatening condition that prevents a person's blood from clotting normally. It may cause excessive clotting (thrombosis) or bleeding (hemorrhage) throughout the body and lead to shock, organ failure, and death.)  I came very close to death and it was very frightening.  To prevent my death, I got massive amounts of blood and blood products.  It was an awful day.  Somehow I stayed conscious but did get to a point I couldn't see.  I knew things were was just awful.  By the evening I had stabilized but was put in ICU for a few days.

I was so sad over losing the twins and then to deal with almost dying myself was very hard to deal with.  As time went on we found that the NYC blood supply had been compromised and several people at my hospital had received tainted blood.  A few contracted Hep and a few got HIV.  I was beyond terrified!!!  Since I had gotten so much blood, I had to have HIV tests done on a regular basis for some time.  That was always in the back of my mind.  Thankfully I never tested positive for anything and now don't worry about it but it was a really hard time for me. 

There are so many memories of that time that are imprinted on my mind. 

Of course, I was very depressed over losing the twins too and then the added stress of the health was a very hard time.  My comfort was my cute little one year old Steve:)  He was adorable and like having a live doll:) 

There are times when I fantasize about what life would be like if the twins lived and were healthy.....In my mind, I'm pretty sure they were boys but not 100%.  We were supposed to have DNA testing done but somehow it never got done and their bodies were released to the funeral home for cremation.  I think about how wonderful it would be to have even more children than we have now and for all of them to love each other and be there for each other.  I always feel like Steve got "shorted" by not having them in his life. 

There is nothing that is redeeming about the situation to me except that I lived.  And maybe it did teach me how NOT to deal with trials since I went "stark raving mad" for awhile. 

Sitting here today I can't help but think I've had MORE than my share of heartaches....maybe that sounds silly & selfish but HEY, it's been rough! 


Continuing the fight for Selah's formula (although some came in yesterday!) and her inhaled antibiotic.  I got the kids and myself all haircuts today after school since we all needed them and I know I wouldn't be able to do it once HBOT started.  Thanks for keeping us and Selah in your prayers.  We are praying for her to show some more progress this time around!!!


  1. I'm so sorry for the harsh reality of this day in your life, but I am extremely grateful that you are no long "stark raving mad" and that you share yourself so openly so others might benefit from your hope! (((HUGS)))

  2. The Lord never said that we would have a life that went all our way.....BUT, HE
    said that we would share in the sufferings of Christ....So glad that we have the HOPE
    of His return for us....
    I always pray for all of your family.....
    Love from NC