Thursday, November 7, 2013

I'm Thankful

Whew I went to bed at 10 pm last night and still am tired!  I got up early and took Shad with me to the grocery store.  Shad has the next few days off from school (teacher days and Veteran's  Day).   I am a PUBLIX girl and that's where I buy my "real" food from.  So he was pushing the buggy for me and asked "if he looked like a grownup"  he seemed to think the lady at Walmart thought he was a grown up LOL.  He likes to go shopping with me cuz he usually ends up with a treat if it's just him and me:)  And he got one or two treats:)

Our nurse took Selah to HBOT once I got home and the little ones had PT.  Selah got home in time for her PT before turning around and going back to HBOT.  The PT got her very stretched out, great range of motion. 

Selah pooped BIG last night on her own with no medicine:)  Her night nurse was very happy and I am too!!!   We talk about poop a lot around here, for the most part I do not put that discussion on my blog LOL  But this is a cause for celebration!

Today is day 7 of HBOT and we still haven't seen anything "different".  Please keep praying for her.  We'd love to see some good change!  And I know you all would too!  Thanks for all your concern and prayers!

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You know I'm reading all the "Thanksgiving posts" on FB this time of year.  I have a few very sarcastic friends and one of them posted this picture.....
 
I just thought that was too funny.  Didn't really think it might offend anyone,(probably cause not too much offends me)  but when I went to save the picture I saw there was a huge debate going on with the original poster of this picture.  I still think it's funny.  In my group of friends, I've noticed the ones who are writing something that they are thankful for everyday of this month are generally the ones who are thankful all year long:) 
 
 
In spite of our circumstances, I am still thankful for the life I have, my children, my husband, our church, our friends, our home.....  I wrote on here, soon after the accident that I didn't think I'd ever be truly deep down happy again...ever....  and I'm not.  Even on the BEST days, there is a corner of my heart that is so sad, that I could cry if I didn't control myself.....but I am content and have joy. 
 
Joy is different than happiness.  Happiness is based on what is going on around you or happening to you.  There is nothing in this world that could happen to me, including winning the biggest lottery in the world, that would truly make me 100% happy again as long as Selah is still not healed.  Oh I could have fun and laugh but there will always be a part of my heart that would be sad.
 
Joy is deeper than happiness.  For me, Joy is something deep down that doesn't change due to my circumstances.  It's what there in the morning when I wake up and memories sweep over me.  It helps me to remember this world is not our home. 
 
God has really helped me to deal with anxiety, it's been almost 2 months since I've had to take a pill to ward off an anxiety attack,   Those attacks were pretty regular for awhile.  I have no pride in saying that GOD has helped me.  Living the life I live, I get through it with God's help.  And I don't just live to "get through it"   I'm a mom to 4 other kids.  I don't want them to remember me as someone who was so devastated by life that I couldn't love them with all my heart and have fun!   We still have fun.  We laugh a lot, we enjoy things together.....but there is always a missing piece.  That will never change
 
Having a child that has been so injured and changed by an accident is not something anyone prepares for or thinks about going through.  To say "it's hard" would be the grossest understatement of the year!  There is really no way of adequate explaining that nor the past year of my life.  I'm surprised I'm still standing to be quite honest. 
 
I'm not a super Christian,  but God has given me the grace to live through this past year and three months.  When I look ahead, the road looks very hard.  When I look back, the road looks awful and dark.  I have not been able to go back and read any of my blogs, ever....I also can not handle looking at the pictures from the accident time through the time we got home last January.  It's like I want to forget those 6 months.  Occasionally some of the pictures will come up on my computer background and even the nice pictures are like a dagger in my heart.  There are things I don't even remember, sometimes someone will mention something and I have no memory of it at all.  I was just literally putting one foot in front of the other for months. 
 
But God was with me and He still is and I'm thankful.  


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