Thursday, January 9, 2014

Self Control

Good day here, for lunch Steve drove officially by himself to pick up some pizzas!  He did drive around some the day Shad went missing but only on some back roads, this time he drove to town.  I was thinking I should go write it in his baby book LOL! 

I recently read a blog that I thought was really good
http://thedomesticfringe.com/no-fuss-parenting-teach-kids-to-sit-still/
it's all about teaching kids to sit still in church, which means the child will learn self control wherever he is out in public or even at home.  There is nothing that gets on my last nerve MORE than a child that is out of control and a parent that does nothing!   All of my children can sit through church (for the most part, every now and then Sarah will have to go out but it's been weeks since that has happened)   We are not overly strict parents.  We certainly don't spank our little ones but we keep a high bar raised for all of them.  We've learned from our first child on, that a child will rise to the level of expectation that a parent has for the child. 

I've seen some out of control kids NON special needs, just badly behaved children and I swore my kids would not be like that and they aren't.  Yes it took time to work with them, but the time was rewarded.  I can take my kids anywhere and they will behave.  remember Sam and Sarah both are very delayed yet they are very well behaved.  They go out to eat with us, they go to movies, church, we wait in doctor's offices etc....  It took some work but we worked with them. 

There is a time and place for everything, I believe in kids playing hard and being loud OUTSIDE ! 

People in today's world seem to think children should be allowed to have free rein everywhere and they think that shows how much the parents love the child.  Well......it probably shows how few friends the parents have because no one wants to be around their brats!  LOL    Children are much more happier with boundaries than without boundaries. 

I really believe the bible in all things, I believe it teaches us in every area, including child rearing.  As much as I read, I've never read any book on parenting, never felt the need to do so.  But I believe the principles of the bible which teach us to have self control.

Proverbs 25:28 " Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. "   What happens when the walls of your life are broken down?  Anything can come in and destroy you.  Self Control is a great thing to learn young, it can be used in every single area in your life, not just sitting still in church!  

Nothing is sadder than to see a person who has no self control in his or her life.  It shows in every area whether it is eating, addictions, relationship problems, work problems,  you name it....if a person doesn't posses some self control, they will be lacking in so many areas. 

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I read of another child passing away before she could be adopted.  Her family was in the process and had already met her in Bulgaria and were just waiting for their paperwork/court to be done so that they could go pick her up.  Please read their story and pray for this precious family!
 http://winslowsix.blogspot.com/2014/01/we-love-you-our-precious-zvezdelina.html
I am sadden for this family and for this child not having the chance to live in her family but now she is in heaven & she did get to meet and know the love of a family. 

After reading this blog, I just went to Sarah and picked her up and held her in my lap.  I was so afraid that she would not make it till we could get to her.  I'm so thankful for the time we've had with her, I don't take it for granted.  This is why I'm so passionate about adoption.... it is truly saving lives and giving life to children. 

I'm still asked WHY go overseas when we have "orphans" here in the US.  If you ever go into an orphanage, in a country that is poor and doesn't even have the infer structure to maintain roads then you will see why we are passionate about international adoption.  When your eyes are opened to the need, you can't go back.  And you will look at what we do in the US, as flawed as it may be, and be grateful that we are able to take care of our vulnerable children. 

So if you wonder why, take a look at this child's pictures, she was  7 years old, just two days younger than my Sarah.  Go back and take a look at Sarah when we got her, and it is so much more than just fattening up a child, it's building a relationship with that child.

Today during Sarah's physical Therapy time, Sam came in.  Sarah did not like that he was on the ball with her.  She got off, crying and crawled over to me and sat in my lap and cried.  We are trying to teach them two to share.  It's not been easy.  But I LOVED that she came straight to mama for comfort.  Somehow Sarah escaped emotionally all she went through and is quite normal emotionally for a child who is delayed.  I LOVE when she comes to me for comfort.  The first year we had her, she rarely cried.  She cries more now BECAUSE she knows her cries will be answered.   It's beautiful to watch her go through normal emotional developmental stages.  We think she is about a 2 year old right now LOL   I actually read that the orphanages in Russia tell the caregivers not to respond to children's cries,  I'm sure it is the same in Ukraine.  Well Miss Sarah cries now, until she gets her way and then she gives an immediate smile:)   We are working with her just like you would with a toddler.  Today we didn't give in to her cries but I gave her comfort when she didn't get her way.  And she calmed down.  She was learning self control.  Just because a child has a lower IQ, they can still be taught.  It's really important for them as they get older, just like it is for a "normal" child. 

 
 
 




 
these pictures were taken right before the meltdown!
Notice Sarah is as big or a little bigger than Sam?  She is wearing size 6 and he can still wear size 4 but I buy his new stuff in size 6
 
 
Here are some more pictures of the nicest kittens we have ever had.  they are so sweet & no trouble at all.
 




 
 
Hope you have a great day!
Please pray for Selah.  she has been having great days with perfect numbers on her machines.  She is over the issue she was having thanks to the prescriptions.  Today when I was taking my walk, I prayed for Selah in my mind, remembering her from before the accident, praying that she'd be restored to us. 
 
 

3 comments:

  1. Yvonne,

    I have ready your blog for a couple of years. I am not sure how I first found it. I have never commented before. While I agree with many things you have post about teaching children --even those with special needs about self control. I would like to caution you not to judge all situations/parent so harshly. You may not know the entire situation. You mentioned that you have seen non-special need children misbehaving in public. I want to point out that not all special needs are physically noticeable right away. My son in on the austism spectrum --level 2 (moderate). However, to the casual observer, it may not be noticable. He does not have sterotyped movements (hand flapping, etc), he has a normal gait (no toe walking). He does: however, have some pretty severe sensory integration issues. While we tried not put him in situations that are challenging for him without either his dad or I available to remove him from the situation. We didn't avoid these situations all together or he would never have learned to be able to cope with them (self regulation). We did howevere make sure that one of us was available to remove him. However, with both of us working full time and with two other young children, this was not alway possible. While it didn't happen often, there has been once or twice where I had to take him to the grocery store (a very challenging place for children with sensory issues) alone, I didn't go well. He had a meltdown due to the flourescent lights flickering, sounds, crowds, smells, etc. Once he begans a meltdown, it was often next to impossible to bring him undercontrol while in that situation. Speaking sternly would only escalate it, he wouldn't even hear me if I spoke softly. Yet, I had nothing in the house for dinner. I would hurry and get just the essentials and leave as quickly as possible. But to the casual observer, my son appeared to be a typical child in the middle of temper tantrum, and I was ignoring him (he was sitting in the seat of shopping cart and screaming) while I did my grocery shopping. My son is now five and has made tremendous progress and we do not have these issues anymore. However, it did happen maybe two or three times when he was younger. I would like to point out that we expect the same behavior from him as our other typical children. I can't remember the last time he even had a meltdown. He now eats at restauants (asks to go) even enjoys grocery shopping (and especially loves Sams Club). We can take him anywhere with no problems but for a few years it was pretty rough.

    I am not upset by your comments. I just wanted to tell you my perspective/experiences as well. Sometimes, things are not always as they appear on the surface.

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  2. Hi Jessica,

    Thanks for sharing. I should have been more specific the children I was speaking of, I knew personally and knew they had no special needs. there was no excuse for their behavior.

    I do agree with you, that what may look like a temper tantrum may not be with a child. When Sam was younger, he could NOT handle the noise level in some restaurants, IF they had high ceilings. So we did avoid going to some places like Cracker Barrel and Sonny's for awhile with him. Then when we did go one of us would sit outside with him until the food was on the table. Once the food was there, he seemed to be able to handle the noise level. Now over the years and I mean YEARS it doesn't bother him at all. But before he'd "vibrate" from the noise. So I totally get what you are saying and certainly make allowance for that with a child, sensory things are hard for some children to deal with. So we did the same thing you did and gradually worked with him. I should have been more clear in my blog:) Thanks and thanks for following along with us!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your reply. This is why I love your blog--respectful exchange of ideas/experiences.

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