Thursday, January 23, 2014

Trusting

Today I got the results back from the first urology test.  No cancer cells were found:)   I still have two more tests to go in that area and the one is awful!   Thanks for your continued prayers.  Next week, I have 3 appointments! So gynecology testing is done and everything is fine, cyst is gone and now this test is good!  I'm hooping everything else will be ok too.

I've had lots of thought swirling around in my head for a blog (besides the boring fact filled blogs that I've been writing)  Having all these tests (and the need to have them done) is rather sobering.  I have faced some fears.  Most of the time, I push it down cuz "Aint' Nobody got time for that!"  I try to think there is a time to worry BUT at least wait until I have something REAL to worry about before I worry LOL!   God has really helped me to NOT focus on the tests and the "what-if's"  It's been very unlike me NOT to be totally freaking out, although that could change at any moment!  LOL  But again, I've seen that GOD is our very present Help in times of trouble. 

I don't like unknowns, I like a nice tidy well ordered life.  I've never had it BUT I like it!  My dream is to have a nice tidy well ordered life...... 

There's a joke that ministers say "I love the ministry, it's the people that make it hard"  LOL well I love LIFE but life tends to be hard!  You can never be safe enough or have the right plans for every situation.   I HATE being out of control.....so you can imagine how much I've had to learn about leaning into God and trusting Him. 

Everyone has the ONE thing (or perhaps more than one) they have to find Victory over....mine has been learning to trust God.   I like to be in control!   I'm good at planning, I can plan my life AND your life and I'd probably do good with it.  Sometimes I can just look at things, and know how things could work for a person.  I'm one of those people who help others connect, I've always been like that.  But it is hard for me to take my life and the lives of my family and lay them down at the feet of Jesus....  It's hard for me to say "not my will but Thine be done"  That is so very hard for me. 

You see I had to order my life, I had to plan it and be in control from early on so I don't trust other people's decisions, intentions or their skill at making decisions for me.  That is good in one way but not when it transitions over to God!   In reality, having that skill has protected me and my family from a lot of heartache and trouble.  Believe me there are very few people I trust, very few.  not that I necessarily am hostile to anyone, I just won't allow anyone close until I really know I can.  My husband always kids me about my friendships, he swears a person isn't considered a friend until I've known them 20 years or so.  But even with my deepest, long term, close, seen me at my worst, friends, I still hold back some.  I hold back some with my husband,  sometimes I hate that I'm like that but it's a self preservation skill I learned a long time ago. 

So even with the God of this universe, I hold back.  I'll think something like "well God took care of us last time BUT will He do it again next time?"    It's silly of me I know!  I think things like that all the time.  Now I know God will take care of us everytime, I know it in my mind, but sometimes it's not so clear in my emotions.  "Well God walked with us through THAT but will HE through THIS?"

Tell me you don't think the same sometime.....  Maybe by the time I'm 90 years old, I will have licked this battle and be full of faith everytime. 

I love that old song "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus"   it is sweet...nothing is sweeter but it's not always easy to do!

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Update on Ukraine.....

Please pray!

http://wideawakefamily.com/2014/01/23/so-we-stand/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-blog
a good blog a friend posted today

http://cardinaldolan.org/index.php/supporting-the-euro-maiden-movement-in-ukraine/ 
this is a FB page to like and follow that will tell you what is going on in Ukraine.  It's the official group for the movement

My heart is just sad to see the pictures on tv of this conflict but I pray for Ukraine that God will use this to bring them a freedom they've never had.  Ukraine is a wonderful country, they've had such a hard history.   It's time for them to have freedom.  I pray that the sacrifice the protesters are making will be seen.

I've heard the American embassy was surrounded today by pro-governmental protesters .   They are accusing the US of funding the pro freedom protestors.  Please pray that adopting families will be able to get out as you have to go to the embassy to have your child's paperwork done to come into the US! 

So much going on......




2 comments:

  1. God created us to have all those emotions/doubts/worries!! When I think of possible struggles that are ahead (and trust me, there will be struggles), I know Jesus will carry us. But the memories of previous struggles and how very difficult those times were - with Jesus carrying us - it is with reason we worry - at least we won't be caught off guard!

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  2. This could have been a post written by me. I too love God deeply, but leaning into God and trusting him is something I have to work on day by day. I'll think I've really truly begun trusting him, and then next thing I know I'm trying to hold the reins again. . .I'm also a bit of a control freak :) I mean, I'm a single Mom, of 4 adopted special needs little dears, living in a foreign country, no family here, so I have to be. . .but, there's times when I need to just let go, and let God. Thanks for your openness and honesty.

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