Saturday, March 1, 2014

Work day......and more thougths on Contentment

See all those pallets and the buggy too, all five together....that's what I bought this morning at Lowe's!
Steve titled this picture "what is today? WORK day"

You can't really tell but the old van was filled behind us.  It was a bit scary

yes I bought some plants for landscaping.  We got it all in despite the skepticism of the guy helping us.  He just dont' know me:)
Steve, Shad and I worked all day long except for lunch and lots of water breaks.  We landscaped and almost finished the garden but the drill lost its' charge and we couldn't' finish the last Square foot Garden.  We will tomorrow and take pictures. 
I'm sunburned and have sore muscles already.  When I took my shower, I took some advil in the hopes that I'll be able to walk in the morning....
But I LOVE working outside.  Steve & Shad, not so much.  In fact, they will be getting a night out to the movies next week as payment:)  They had great attitudes and got things done for me.  Some times they are not cooperative to work with LOL  I was glad Jon was home, he got the little ones today so I could get out there and work, it's so much better if I work with them!  I can help everyone stay focused because I'm quite the type A person when it comes to a job.  Gardening & yard work is something I LOVE to do! 
Last night we went to the mall shopping...pull my toe nails out!  UGH!  I was looking for a pair of white leather high tops for Sarah.  I went in everywhere looking for a pair for her and getting annoyed!  But I did somehow manage to buy her five new outfits LOL!  She has grown so much and she just wears clothes out unlike any of my kids have ever done.  I guess it is the crawling around or what ever but she manages to destroy clothes!  Tough girl!  So I have to buy her more stuff!
Everyone is doing great here.  Selah seems to have recovered thankfully! She has had some great days lately and has pooped on her own:)  That always makes me happy.  The weather is so perfect that she can be out for quite awhile, today I think the nurse had her outside for about 2 hours in the shade, walking her around.  I think kids should be outside if they can be.  Thankfully none of my kids have any type of allergies or problems being outside. 
Thank you all for your prayers for her!
I did want to clarify something after my last post.....
I AM contented with the place God has me in.....but my heart still aches for Selah.  This morning I woke up and just laid there and remembered Selah before the accident, all her cute little ways and how she was responding to us.  It is gut retching to think back, I want that little girl back with us......
Someone posted a video about miscarriage/early infant death and I watched a few minutes of it and suddenly it hit me!   THAT was exactly what it seems happened to us.  Oh we still LOVE Selah and we have and will do everything in our power to see that she has the absolute best life ever....but I feel like our time was cut off....we were still saying "hello" and then it was a "goodbye".    We were still getting to know her when the accident happened.   We still have her physically and I do think she is so much more alert than anyone would have ever thought she'd be....but....oh I miss her, deep in my gut I miss her.  I miss how she would have changed as she understood our love for her, I miss how she would have learned from her teachers and therapists.  I miss how she would have played outside with the other kids....Oh my heart just aches and aches with missing ALL of that! 
But yet I can say I'm content and not bitter.  My heart breaks, but I'm not blaming anyone.....I'm trusting God, not hating God.....   NOT because I think, if I have a perfect outlook, THEN God will heal Selah....NO I don't think like that.....
I do know that if I trust in God, rest in Him and look towards Him that I'll be healed!  My heart will be healed....not that I'll ever quit missing what we had and what we would have had with Selah but I'm thankful for what we DO have with Selah!

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