Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Even If The Healing Doesn't Come

          http://www.mobilityawarenessmonth.com/entrant/selah-clanton-zephyrhills-fl/                        the answer is :   Channel or track wheelchair ramps 

I'm going to contact their headquarters because so many of you are telling me of the problems you have in voting.  Thank you for taking the time to vote, it has gotten tedious to me!  And I'm the one trying  to win a van!  Thanks to all of you!!!  We are over 7000 votes!  That could only happen through all of your help!

Don't forget about Sonya!!!!!!!!http://www.gofundme.com/78kap0   to give on her site or through the church at
Grace Church
7060 Berry Road
Zephyrhills Fl 33540

Watching the news tonight AND I recognized the square in Donetsk Ukraine where there is rioting by pro-Russian troops. We were there on one of the happiest days of my life, the day before we got the girls out of the orphanage, we were doing the PAPER chase for them. We went to the square to eat after we miraculously got every piece of paper but one before lunchtime.  We were so happy on that day, knowing they were legally ours, we'd gotten the precious ONE day Ukraine passport (usually takes 10 days) things had gone so good....now to see it with tires, barb wire and pro Russian flags...so sad. I also think they videoed inside the office of vital status where we went to get Sarah's birth certificate changed..... it's unreal to see History happening in a place you have been...... PRAY for Ukraine!!!!!!  My heart is heavy for the country and for our friends there and all the orphans. 

Everyone here is doing fine.  Selah had an outbreak of cold sores, our nurses have really been working on keeping her lips hydrated.  When our nurse woke her up this morning, she stretched and put her arm OVER her head.  She seems to only do movement like this when she is half awake. 

I've felt so discouraged the last few days.  Since the accident, I've kept myself away from other's blogs or groups, because I don't want to be discouraged and I don't want to hear anyone else's story, mine is bad enough and I live it every day.   But one of my friends posted about a child who is dying 8 years after his near drowning.  I went and read it....shouldn't have done it although my heart goes out to his family and to him.  I skimmed through trying to find answers on how to avoid problems, and thankfully we don't have so many of the problems that seem to plague kids who have been in near drownings.  In that sense we are very lucky.  It's just a hard journey, I'll never stop trying to help Selah and I'll never stop missing her.  I'm thankful we have all the things in place to give her the best life possible.  24 hour nursing is probably the thing that keeps her so well.  AND the fact we have great nurses that care about Selah and want her to do good.  We're blessed that we've been stable with our nurses for close to a year now.  Those first few months were a doozy.....but once we got our team in place, things got so much better. 

On my way to pick Shad up from school and take him to piano, the song "Even if the healing doesn't come" came on.....I fought the tears. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiYAUNJPrMU

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come



Lord we know your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come



So we set our faith in who You are - to me that is the greatest sentence of the song.  Our faith is STILL in who HE is.....not what He might do for us.....our faith is not rooted in a God that we somehow think is a genie, there to give us everything we want.  
 
Recently I was talking with a friend who has lost his faith in God.  One thing I said to him is that so many people lose their faith because God does not act in the way they think He should act.  I've been guilty of that in the past, but I'm doing everything to hold onto that truth now in my life. 
 
I can not tell you how my heart aches at times, it's a crushing pain.  That pain may hit me at a store, or when I first wake up, it's random.  She is still with us, but she's not......Oh my God, how do you deal with that?  I would LOVE to stay in bed all day but I have four other kids, depending on me.  Somehow life just keeps going on.....I would love to run away.....actually the running away sounds much better,  but I can't do that.  Somedays I just feel hopeless, lost, overwhelmed, wondering how we will go on like this.....
 
I'm not strong, the little strength I have comes from God, I can promise you that!  Oh I can pull on my "big girl panties", and "pull myself up by the bootstraps" but I can't take away the pain in my heart.   There are days, when I know I look ok, but inside, my heart is so heavy.  This was one of those days!  I can function, take my kids to their stuff, go to lunch with a friend, go shopping, but there's an ache.  Sometimes I almost feel disbelief that we haven't been delivered from this - God worked so many miracles for us to get the girls and then that lady who came up to me in the mall.... the dreams I've had....  It all comes down to I must trust Jesus, regardless of what lies ahead.  He is good and faithful and of that I have no doubt. 
 
One thing I can tell you with all honesty, is I trust God, my faith lies in Him.  There is no one else to turn to, no where else to go.  He does give peace, even when the hurricanes of life come.  I thank Him for that.  Unless you've experienced knowing that God is in control, in a horrible situation, I don't know if I can explain what a rock solid feeling that is, in spite of the chaos around.  He's been with me in the first few minutes and He is still with me.  That is one thing I do not doubt.  Oh, my heart still aches but He is with me. 
 
I feel like I have so many "dreams that are left undone"......
 
So please continue to pray for Selah, I'll never stop asking for prayer for her and I'll never stop praying.  Not that I'm trying to "win my way with God" but I pour out my heart to God.  I don't understand everything about prayer, but I'm going to pray ......and I'm going to trust in WHO God is....
 

 

4 comments:

  1. Every time I vole for Selah I choose two other candidates to read about. There are so many who also would benefit from this wonderful gift!

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  2. I hear your heart, Yvonne. We have four adopted children. Two of them have severe cp and are in wheelchairs. My 11 yr. old daughter can only smile and make a few sounds for communication but I love her beyond words. Our 25 yr. old son was killed on his motorcycle (guy ran a red light and hit him) and there is no other choice for us but to hang on to the Lord. People ask how we do it...we don't, God does. You're right, there is no one else and no where else to go. So thankful for verses and hymns I learned as a child that comfort me now. Praying for your precious Selah and you. I understand being able to get it all done but with an ache in your heart. Thank you for sharing your life with us so we can pray. Janet

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  3. I am also challenged by the line from another song that encourages me: "...not because of who I am, but because of what You've done; not because of what I've done, but because of Who You are..." He is so faithful. Just today I was also challenged to really truly trust and believe Him and His promises--not just throw my issues at His feet and say 'Whatever...' I realized there is a fine line between just simply being reconciled to God doing whatever He is going to do, and really truly trusting that He is going to act in a way that is for His glory and my good. I am still a work in progress... Thanks for sharing! And I'll keep praying...

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  4. I can only vote when signed in with Facebook, it was impossible any other way.

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