Wednesday, July 2, 2014

"Why Didn't I do more for Jesus?"

This is an early post, trying to get it done while Sam's teacher is here otherwise I have to wait till late tonight and I just have a feeling that won't work for me!

So since it is early, I don't have a picture of supper BUT it will be meatloaf, corn on the cob, mac& cheese, green beans and baked beans.  I have everything ready to go:)  I'll put the photo up tomorrow.

So Sarah's bottom is looking better with the new expensive med but I'm not sure it is going to be the 100% answer.  I'm going to call Dermatology again today about this.  Thanks for all the advice, I'm checking out everything that I've not used.  Thankfully it really doesn't seem to bother her, it's just pimples and doesn't seem raw or painful to her.  It bothers ME!  None of the boys ever even had a rash except for Sam while he was in the NICU.  It's a new thing for me to deal with. 


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Yesterday I watched a short clip of a lady's testimony about dying and going to heaven.  I'm always fascinated by stories like that although I think some of them are actually lies from the devil to deceive.   The account I've read that comes closest to the bible is the book "90 minutes in Heaven"   I'd encourage you to read it.


http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/20724-watch-nine-minutes-in-heaven
However this video was interesting.....


The ONE thing that really really struck me hard is when she said she was going to ask God why all kinds of terrible things happened to her but all she could ask is "Why didn't I do more for you Jesus?"


You know I have questions, that remain in my heart regarding several things.  Of course the accident is the absolute hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around.  I ponder different things, different scenarios, it never goes away.  Last night for some reason I couldn't sleep good.  Our dog kept barking, Steve was with his friend house sitting, Jon was snoring......  so my mind pondered and went through Selah's whole story, of how she came to us.....and then the accident......   Sometimes I can not even take a deep breath for the sadness of it all. 

Last night I pleaded again for God to heal her, to deliver her from this coma/ brain damage, to bring her back to us.  My heart will always cry out for that for Selah.

But yet I trust God......

Then I started thinking of what the lady said in the above clip, how all her questions changed to "why didn't I do more for you (Jesus)?"  

I've lived 48 almost 49 years.  All of those years in a Christian environment, and most of them as a professing Christian.   If I stood before God today, I know my question would be "why didn't I do more for you Jesus?"   I don't do enough...  I'm not saying this in some legalistic mindset that I HAVE to do all kinds of steps to win God's love.  I do not believe that at all.  But I think of the years and times wasted in foolishness, in sin. in laziness, so much more I could have done for the kingdom.

My circumstances are different than many people's but that does not change my responsibilities, nor do your circumstances change your responsibilities.      If we are professing Christians, we are not just along for the ride.....we need to be about our Father's business.  We get ONE go around on this earth and we are not promised tomorrow.  This became really clear to me last night.  

We can have crappy lives, we can have tragedies  happen, life is uncertain and hard times come BUT if we really believe the Bible, these hardships are fleeting in the light of eternity.

In my circumstances, I try and keep my eyes focused on eternity.  It gives me perceptive and keeps me straight.  What I mean by that is, when I'm looking at circumstances in the light of eternity, I realize no matter how hard things are, this present life is very short, just a moment in time.  Eternity is forever.....

So for me, the drudgery of every day life, dealing with insurance, doctors, therapists, nurses, schedules, school placements, teachers....those things are so annoying.  Then you add the other mundane things of life like DIAPERS...thank God I didn't change but one or two diapers before I had my first child as I have changed thousands since!   These things are just short lived, and being faithful to do them, as unto the Lord,  keeps my heart focused on the eternal things. 

There is a song we sing sometimes
"Faithfulness Faithfulness is what I long for,
Faithfulness is what I need
Faithfulness is what You want from me......."
Honestly I DESPISE that song.  Sorry if you like it.....but it is such a weak willed sounding chorus.   Faithfulness is something we have to cultivate in our lives.  Life & circumstances will give you times when you have to make the decision to be faithful to God, faithful to your family, faithful to church.... 

There have been times I've not been faithful in many areas, but singing a silly song about needing faithfulness doesn't do much for me.  Realizing I will stand before God one day makes me want to be faithful! 

So I'm not sure how it will play out but I know I do not do enough for God in my life even now.  I've been encouraged to step out more.

One thing I will ask you all to do is to continue to pray for Selah.  Thank you so much!


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