Monday, September 22, 2014

An Explanation to some readers

Another busy Monday.  It should be against the law for a pastor's family to have to do anything on Monday but relax but it's our busiest week day.  We had our usual teachers/therapists for Selah, Sam and Sarah.  On top of things, Steve is a bit sick.  How ironic he just went to the doctor on Friday for his 18 yr old check up.  He did get the flu mist instead of a shot.  Our doctor said the mist is supposed to be more effective this year.  He was not too sick as he asked for pizza and Pepsi LOL and then was playing video games.  It could be a small reaction or he could have picked up a little bug while he was at the doctor's.  Anyway he seems better tonight.  I get anxious if anyone starts getting sick as they are all in the same room and right next to Selah.  Poor Shad woke up throwing up sometime last year and I had him take a bath, and then go outside and sit under a tree LOL!  It was fall and great weather, I brought him drinks and soup all morning until we could tell he was going to be ok but I was petrified of Selah getting something and ending up in the hospital.  One great thing about the new house is if someone gets sick, they can stay in their room and not share the disease!

Speaking of the new house, I think the foundation will be laid soon, maybe this week!!  I know they are going to "stake" the house this week so we'll see what all will happen.  We can't wait!

Just wondering if anyone has any contact with Duck Dynasty???   My boys love their show & so does the rest of the family.  We'd LOVE to surprise the boys with a visit from one of them to our house's dedication.  The boys have given up a room for almost 2 years without complaining and I think it would be great to surprise them with getting to meet one of the DD guys.  I do not know how to get in touch with them but if anyone has a contact, please let me know! 

Sarah's new thing is to have me or Jon help her stand up and then she pushes our hands away and stands by herself for a few seconds.  She must have done it 100x last night.  I should have videoed it long before she got tired.   Maybe she will actually start to walk!

 
(look at her little grin at the end)
 
We had a little visitor today.  Look what Steve found by the church door.  It is a baby snapping or we call it an alligator turtle.  They get large, this little guy is very small.  I took it to the edge of the swamp to let it go, then realized I had on flip flops so I didn't put him as far back as I had wanted to!  I didn't want to step on a snake!
 

 
if you were wondering, the nail color is "Hong Kong sunrise" LOL













Tomorrow Selah has a doctor's appointment with neurology, more of a check up but we always seem to learn something from Dr F.  He is interested in Selah and helpful to us in many ways.


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Someone asked why I don't mention Selah as much as the other kids, particularly Sarah.  It didn't make me mad but let me explain if that thought had ever crossed your mind.  For the first nine months or so after the accident, I talked about Selah all the time.  In fact I had a few remarks asking me why I didn't talk much about the other children.  It was not that we didn't love all our kids, but our whole focus was on her at that time. 

Now Selah is stable but unfortunately her days are pretty much the same.  There are no new things to report.  That hurts to even write it.  She is healthy and content.  She has 24 hour nursing care, any major decision we make from a vacation to cleaning the house (the fumes) we take her needs into consideration.  I feel like our whole lives revolve around Selah and her care and well it should revolve around her! 

I wish I had great things to report....you have no idea how much I wish that.  I'm thrilled on the days she is more responsive. 

Yes we did go to Ukraine to adopt Sarah.  Selah was our little surprise that we learned of right before we left.  While she had profound special needs, she was different in that she could see and that was different for us, since we were used to a child with special needs who was blind.  With Sarah we understood her and her needs very easily because of Sam.  BUT we loved Selah from the get go- and knew that God had orchestrated things to bring her into our family, even tho we had not originally planned on adopting her. 

Now since the accident, it is a strange life.  Selah is here, but she is not here....  We were just getting to know our funny little girl when the accident happened.  Now we love the memories and often wonder "what if" and how would she be today had the accident not happened? 

We are committed 100% to her care but it is hard to explain the emotional side of living with a child who is in a "persistent vegetative state "   There is not a "give & take " emotionally.  There is not a building of mutual memories and love.  There is just us, loving her, being committed to her, making sure everything is perfect for her comfort.....  And when you add the fact we only had 13 weeks with her at home and 5 weeks in the orphanage visiting her....we were just getting to know her.  We relay on those memories now to help us make decisions about what she likes/dislikes, what is comforting to her and what might bother her.

So I don't know if that explains things to everyone's satisfaction.  But sometimes not having something to share, other than medically about Selah, hurts me more than you would know.   I can truly say of Selah that I have cried and prayed over her, much more than I have any of my other children.  

Our lives were far from "normal" before the accident.  But it was ok, cause we were in "OUR" normal.  Now it's like no matter what there is a sadness that will never be erased until that day when God will make all things new.  Even when I'm reporting all the happy news, I'm sad I don't have happy news to report on Selah.  I'm NOT sad that we have Selah to take care of, I'm sad that she has suffered an injury that she can not recover or change from.....  

So I hope you understand my heart about this matter. 

6 comments:

  1. I think you did a great job explaining your situation with Selah. And I honestly think that talking more about one of your kids does not mean you love another less. I mean, seriously, people, lighten up. You're doing a great job loving all your kids and you don't need to change how you write for some blog reader who will always have something to pick at. I do have a question and it might be intrusive and maybe you've mentioned it before- I am unclear as to why Sam and Sarah cannot be potty trained if you are so obliged to explain.

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  2. Thank you for your kind words:)
    We are working sporadically with Sam to potty train. He understands some and does enjoy going on the potty. he thinks it is fun. Once we move, I am going to make that my priority. Sarah doesn't understand at all Maybe in a few years she might start understanding. She also has very loose stools so I can't imagine trying to potty train her at this point.

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  3. I think it's sad that you even have to explain yourself. Unfortunately, with the dawn of the internet, people have given themselves permission to say things they likely never would say to one's face, and an overwhelming amount of judging seems to occur. I have never for a moment doubted your love for each of your children, regardless of their medical conditions or needs. It definitely seems like a case of "damned if you do, damned if you don't"... if you blog solely on Selah's needs, there are those that would respond with claims that you favor her over the others; if you blog about the other children you are still bombarded with those judgmental comments in the other direction. Ugh! As if you need the added stress or drama! You did a great job explaining, and were far more tactful than I likely would have been in your place. I for one love your blogs about all of your children, unconditionally and nonjudgmentally. Thanks for sharing a piece of your life with us!

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    1. I think people have to much time on their hands if they are making such judgmental comments. You are loving and caring for Selah to the very best of your abilities and that is all any parent can do. Sarah is going to walk!! Her legs are looking strong! She is so pretty. She looks so healthy and her hair is so shiny and beautiful! You are doing a great job Mom! I don't comment much but I enjoy reading your blog. We have different views( I am one of those crazy liberals) but I enjoy your straightforward attitude!LOL Perhaps it is just because I am also a southern girl(Texas) and understand that southern gal attitude!LOL

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    2. LOL I love my liberal friends too! What I really like is when people can disagree on some things but still remain friends:) thanks for reading and yes we southern gals have our attitudes:)

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