Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Thoughts on Many Things.....

Just could NOT come up with a title, since this blog is about all kinds of things!

Today has been a progressively rainy day as a "cold" front has moved through Florida.  I know I say this all the time but I just love rain.  And I also like Mondays....LOL   I can't sing the Carpenter's song "Rainy Days & Mondays always get me down" because they don't :)

Sarah and Selah got their braces today.  Sarah got a short ankle brace that she tolerated much better than we anticipated.  The only shoes that work with it are Sam's tennis shoes -Only our therapist would find them for Sarah.  We keep our most frequently worn shoes by the front door on a tiered stand, so she tried all the little ones shoes with the brace until she found one that worked.  Sarah and I will be going shoe shopping this week!  she has to have pretty shoes:)  right now we are just using the brace for 30 minutes at a time.

Selah got new hand braces, that are really comfy looking.  she also got knee braces and got her regular foot braces back!  She also tolerated it all very well.  I took pictures but for some reason the laptop won't let me load them!   The new hand brace is to help her thumbs not to curl up into her hand, some days this is more bothersome than others for her.  The knee brace is help her get range of motion back in her knees, since her hip surgery & recovery time she lost some range of motion ROM, that our therapist believes can be gotten back with a little more work.  Her feet braces, were too tight so now they've been made to fit better.  

Sarah has been in the "I love Mommy & want her to hold me all day" mode :)  She used to be content with me just holding her, it helped me to get a lot of reading done.  BUT now she wants to play the "Up" game where she pulls up on my hands, pushed them away, stands for a few seconds and then sometimes takes a step into my lap.  No reading can be done while we do that for hours......  Oh but it is ok with Mommy too. 

Last night I read another mom's facebook post about her daughter also adopted from the same mental institution as my girls.....  Her daughter can speak and has given us some awful but not surprising details of life in the institution.  It hurts so bad to hear, but when I hear it, and my heart hurts, I feel like I am entering into my daughters' and the other children's suffering. I get so angry to think caregivers can be so mean to helpless children, but I know it happens.  Not all caregivers were bad, but the ones who were, were very bad. 

I have friends who don't watch the news, don't want to hear about the reality of life because life can be so sad and hard.  It can be, no lie.....  but we can also share each other's burdens.  I can pray for the children I know (and the ones I don't know) who are left behind in orphanages all over the world.

This article caught my attention....Mom Regrets Not Aborting Disabled Baby: I Would’ve Killed My Son if I Had the Chance

Unreal....Basically this couple was told their son had a small defect with his arm, turned out that he had much more wrong with him.  "Dylan was born with severe micrognathia, a condition that causes acute breathing problems and an undersized jaw. Iain said, “We made it clear to the doctors that we didn’t want a child who wasn’t going to be able to ride a bike and do things that normal children do.” Now, Dylan has a permanent tracheotomy, has a deformed arm, slurred speech and must be feed nutrient-rich milk through his stomach"  Despite his physical problems it seems he is normal mentally and his mother plans on telling him that had she known how disabled he was, she would have aborted him.  Wow that should make for a great relationship.......

The article goes on to say "Unfortunately, because of the extensive care Dylan needed, both Iain and Jill were forced to leave their jobs and were declared bankrupt. Eventually, they even lost their home"  This is a family from England where they have universal health care, so they shouldn't have had any medical bills right?  I don't understand why both parents felt forced to leave their jobs.  I know when Sam was born, I did leave my job, and he was very medically unstable but we had medical bills galore! 

Sam changed our lives......even from the beginning I was grateful for his life despite my fears for his future.  Oh I cried, some silly tears now that I look back on them.  I worried about things like him not riding a bike or playing a video game....   But the things that looked so upsetting and scary back then, are just vague memories now. 

Just like there is a commitment in marriage, there is a commitment to your children.  What if that family's "normal" daughter was in an accident?  A near drowning?  Would they still love her and take care of her.  What if the husband gets ill and is unable to walk, would the wife leave because he was now disabled?   I don't know about you but I wouldn't that husband or wife on MY "next of kin" list!!!!

This whole article is just so outside of where I live that it is hard to fathom thinking like that.....

Oh we have had some hard times financially, especially after having Sam but what is that?  I can very easily remember having to pay hospital bills so that Sam could have another surgery and wondering how we were going to make it.  Really I do not know how we did it BUT for the help of God!  We made some choices, totally changed our lifestyle (not that we were big spenders before LOL), and we made it.  We moved from the beautiful home we'd leased for years to live in a trailer ON the prison grounds, that was hard but necessary for us to do.  I only cried once about it, I was too busy taking care of Sam and we were in and out of the hospital so much, I was just glad when we were all together.  I grew to "love" that trailer at the prison so much that I was very sad to move from it to the church parsonage!  It had good memories of the four of us together.....

Obviously this women, has no idea of God.  That is pretty clear.  When one has a proper perspective of God & His ways, then I think a peace comes over every situation.  Contentment in whatever situation is really "great gain" just like the Bible says it is!   Once I learned contentment in every situation, things changed in my heart. 

I'm excited about the new house, it will make life so much easier for our family and our nurses but you know we are happy now.  We have fun now.  My little house is comfortable and the place I feel the happiest in.......because my family is there.  It's home.  We aren't waiting to move into the new house to be happy.   When Selah was in the hospital for all those long 5 months in NY, that room in the Ronald McD House with the six of us sleeping in there every night was home.  I did not pine for our little house here in Florida, I was content with the place we were at....together. 

So what I'm saying is LIFE does not have to be perfect to be good!   LIFE can be good in some of the hardest situations.  Life can be good-even when there is pain.

Selah's accident has broken my heart more than anything else ever has done.  I thought losing the twins was the absolute worse thing and it was bad.  But the accident has been far worse in so many ways, I knew Selah, I'd felt her little chubby arms around me, I'd held her hand, heard her babble, fed her supper, taught her how to drink from a cup, played with her, took her to the beach....all those precious memories.... BUT the difference between losing the twins and Selah's accident is I just gave (and give) the pain to God.  I do not "charge God foolishly" I put my trust in Him.  What a difference the outcomes have been personally.  Oh it's been hard, I've had a few panic attacks, I have had many tears....but I am trusting God through this valley.  And even if we never come out of the valley, I am content. 

My prayers are for that little boy, I doubt he feels accepted by his family.  How horrible.......

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