Sunday, December 21, 2014

Back in Rochester

It's a bit surreal to be back in Rochester with my family.  We drove the same long route to get here this time as we did back in 2012....  As we passed several places we had stopped before at, it invoked painful memories that Selah was not with us.  Tonight I sit in the same room that we lived in for over five months (it's the only room big enough for us)  I've already made up Sam and Sarah's cribs.  The furniture has been turned some so even tho we have one less Clanton with us, one crib has to go in the our large private bath.  Just like 2012.....    And today is Sarah's birthday, she even turned 8 years old just like Selah did in 2012.....   It's a GOOD thing I don't believe in superstation.  Even so.....

Today as we drove into Rochester from the west, we did the big loop at the I-90 and I-390 interchange and I remembered that day, another Sunday, that seems from another life back in 2012 as we entered the city that way.  On that day, I felt like I had "the world by the tail"  We had just adopted the girls in May 2012, we'd had a wonderful adoption experience in Ukraine and made many new friends.  Then we'd come home with our darling girls and had had a wonderful summer, took them on a short vacation to the beach, just fell in love with our girls and enjoyed our life.  I told Jon several times that I'd never been happier in my WHOLE life ......    As we drove into Rochester, on the big turn, there was a double rainbow back in 2012.  I tried to get a quick picture but couldn't' but I felt it was such a happy sign.  We had just got the girls set up for all kinds of therapy and doctor/specialist appointments for the fall and we were bringing Sarah up to see if she was a candidate for the corneal implant like Sam was.....only good things were ahead....  little did I know that in only THREE days my life would never ever be the same.  I'm so glad I did not know the future that day.....

So today we drove in to a cold, cloudy, leaden sky.  It snowed on us off and on since yesterday, just flurries....  The sky reflected how I felt.  There was no blue sky, no rainbow against some thunderclouds....

There is always a sense of "coming home" when we get to Ronald McDonald House....if you add up all the days we've spent here since 2007 when Sam first got the would total about 8 or 9 months!  In spite of the heartache, we've had some joyful days here too.  How can you compare it?  We first came here and our son received matter what happened since, we are so thankful for that!

Tomorrow we have a tv interview, several reporters keep in touch with us and one is going to do an interview with us at Flaun Eye Institute & I think even go with us for Sam's appointment with our dear Dr Aquevella.    It's ironic...we were to do a tv interview the day of the accident too.....

Sarah also has an appointment.  Her eye is shirking in the socket and looks bloody.  This started last month and seems to have gotten worse.    There is nothing medically that can be done for her but I want him to follow what is happening so we know what to expect.   Her little bit of light perception does not seem to have changed much but I'm not sure.....

Tuesday, Sam will be put under and his eye examined in great detail.  Sarah may be also, depends on what Dr A thinks. 

I'm just having all kinds of emotions wash over me tonight.  Earlier I gave Sam a bath and I remembered that was the tub I last gave Selah a bath in before......My family is all in the tv room, reading and I'm in here doing my blog

On the way up here, I had a curious dream.  I dreamed I was being chased, pursued by a manic killer.  He got caught for something else but I know he was still after me...  I got furious and got in his face screaming that he couldn't touch me.  I had Jesus to protect me  (in fact in my dream I sounded very Pentecostal!)  Then I told him I had a husband who loved me to protect me....AND I had a .22 and I would blow his A## away if he came after me again .......  LOL  those were my exact words!!!!!!    So I think I had a mixture of Pentecostal and my dream!)    It was quite a vivid dream, never dreamed in "cussing" before LOL  So I'm not so sure how spiritual it was but "it is what it is" and I do feel like that was how I was feeling. 

I want to explain....after the accident, I truly thought I could Never EVER happy again.  Well there is happiness and joy in my life now BUT there is a difference.  There is an underlying sadness that never goes away.  It's like the "elephant in the room", it's always there.  There's a place in my heart that will never be whole again until THAT day when we stand before God and all things are made right....  I can be joyful and laughing but a wave of intense sorrow might sweep over me.  I don't always show it but it is always there....

Selah has done fine with her nurses and they all went to church today.  In fact EVERYONE went to church today, seems our church was packed out!  We have a man in our church who works with CMA Christian Motorcycles Association and he preached and some of his friends came.  We are so glad he was able to share the Christmas message with our folks.  We have a UNIQUE church...believe me there is not another one like it...Motorcycle Ministry, prison chaplain and volunteers, large homeschooling families, public school teacher, adoptive families, families with special needs kids (another family and us share one of our nurses)  We have all kinds of folks who all get along and love each other.

Anyhow....thanks for your prayers for this trip and for our emotions too....

Today is Sarah's bday.  I don't feel I could do her life justice tonight but I'll share a Sarah post soon.  She is eight years old today....and was abandoned eight years old today in the delivery room.   I love her like she grew in my belly.  I can't imagine my life without my best little friend who wants me to be with her all day long:)   It amazes me that she was born to someone else and not to us...but God gave her to us.  I hate the years she spent in an orphanage but every day I'm determined to give her so much love that she won't ever remember those days.  People think we are "saints" for adopting her with all her disabilities but it's not like that at all...she is a JEWEL in every way and we are the ones who are honored to have her in our lives.  Jon and I say almost daily, how very precious she is.  If you ever get a chance to spend any time with her, you'd see it.  People are literally amazed at her and I get asked all the time if she always is so happy and she is....  (unless Sam bothers her LOL)   It's almost spiritual how sweet & loving she is although she can't talk.  Sometimes out in public she gets a little stressed and retreats inside herself, with noise around her and confusion.  But that is not her, her sweet little spirit is unbelievable......  Well I said I wouldn't write about her, but I just can't help but express my joy in having her as my daughter!!!!

Some funny pictures from today

Somewhere on I-79 in Pennsylvania
YES I know Shad doesn't have his shoulder strap on!
I noticed it in the picture and woke him up and made him put it right....

yes we have smart phones and GPS BUT I'm OLD school I like a MAP!
No the highlighted area is not the way we took....
We took 79 up
We've been coming ups so many years that we've tried different routes and we think that we've found the best one so we can avoid I-77 --our Nemesis!

In NY on I-90 at a rest stop where you have to walk out over the interstate
Look at Sam, Sarah and Shad's new coats!
Someone blessed us with money to buy them new coats and I FINALLY found some thick ones at JC Penny's last night in West Virginia.  They had such a sale, each jacket was originally $70 and I got them for $25 each!  So I had enough left over to buy Shad a new pair of tennis shoes (you can see them if you look hard enough)  Steve had a jacket but didn't wear it!
So a funny story about the shopping trip last night....
I had on pajama pants and a soft velour shirt.  SOMEHOW I convinced myself it would be ok to run in the store.  It was in a town where I knew no one, right across from our hotel.....
I looked in the mirror in the changing room (yes I tried something on)
and could NOT believe my family let me walk out looking like that....
No make up, my hair was a mess and I had on tight (they didn't feel tight but that's the trouble with waist high do not see everything)
I very meekly bought the coats and got out of there!
I VOW on facebook to never ever go anywhere in pajama pants again!
It does NOT look cute!
AND I put myself BACK on a diet after getting a really good look.....
I've done great today and I'm rejoining the gym when I get home!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus this morning I put on make up and did my hair!
I'm not a vain person but that was a REAL eye opening experience for me!
And probably for the other shoppers!
More snow pictures

Well good night all, hope you have a wonderful week as we approach Christmas and thank you for your prayers for us!!!


  1. F
    eliz navidad
    desde España, gracias por
    hacerme los dias mas amenos con
    vuestras historias , me encanta ver como vive la
    gente de otros lugares , seguire en contacto
    virtualmente me hace
    mucha ilusion mandarles este mensaje
    espero que les llege
    un feliz