Saturday, January 31, 2015

A Hike in the Woods

Today Jon and I hiked almost six miles in the woods.  11,680 steps for me.  Both of us love being out in the woods.  I prefer a larger trail than he does so today we went on a well marked trail.  We walked all the way in, quiet, both of us thinking about things.  Then on the way out, we started talking about our life.  One thing I'm so thankful for is that he & I are generally 100% on the same page.  It makes life so much easier, we don't try, it just happens.  So we were talking about some things we've thought about for years and it just amazes me how we've come to the same conclusion. 

Its funny how marriage evolves.  In some ways Jon and I are a lot alike.  Neither of us are shy in public situations, our "world view" is generally the same...only difference is Jon has TACT, mine & his share of it!  And I have ZERO tact.  I try sometimes to use tact and then think "what the heck, let me just say what needs to be said"  Jon on the other hand has enough Tact for the both of us and is probably the only reason I'm still alive LOL  Otherwise someone would have shot me by now, I'm sure!

When we first got married and for the first decade, all I could see was our differences.  I'm sure he felt the same way.  But as time went on, and we grew up, we began seeing how much alike we are.  The Bible says a married couple becomes one flesh, I understand that now.  For us it took awhile :) 

Our biggest fights were about "spiritual things".  Basically he thought I was not "spiritual " enough and I thought he was "too spiritual"   LOL  that sounds funny doesn't it?  Now we look back and laugh at the ridicules things we fussed about.  Probably 95% of it were things we "learned" from other people or even God Help Us, from marriage books or seminars.  For the record I only went to one seminar and was forced into it.  We were on staff and there was no way out of it.  ( Well today I'd get out of it, but back then I was nicer)  Jon used to read Christian  books on marriage, I didn't except for one that was about sex LOL   Even years ago I knew to laugh and ignore "self help" books, Christian or not, that is one thing I do not need!  

As our lives got "real", we began to realize a few things.  There is not a self help book out there that can make you feel better when life is crashing down.  All those silly little "marriage tips" that you're given in classes or hear in seminars are usually pretty stupid & empty, when LIFE starts happening.  We learned we had to make OUR own way, not listen to others but cling to each other. 

Over 90% of families with special needs kids end up divorcing.....when I first heard that, I was floored.  Now over the years I've seen that happen time and again.  For us, it's drawn us closer than we ever dreamed.  There were a number of years our marriage was quite shaky.  We probably would have divorced because of the social pressure but.....   However we grew past that and then when we were given Sam almost 11 years ago, we both realized we'd better hang on tight cause the ride just got bumpy! 

I'm not writing all of this to tell you what a perfect marriage we have LOL- we still fuss and he swears he is the ONLY pastor that gets the "Italian salute"  from his wife (I'm sure he is NOT)   But I do want to encourage you to hang in there if you're going through a hard time in your marriage.

And another thing do NOT envy another person's marriage!  You do NOT know what they've gone through to get to the point they are at NOR do you know what they might be asked to go through in the future.  I can think of several couples I've looked at in envy and everyone of them has ended up going through some deep waters and most are divorced now.  You don't see what actually happens in a marriage. 

Well guess I'm giving marriage advice!  But my advice is work it out between the two of you, don't think you have to be someone else or perfect.

If you are single....and want to be married....  There is NO perfect person.  If you are a Christian -I'd advise to pray and ask God to send you someone and then go about your business.  Don't try to "make" someone be God's will for your life.  I can say that cause I tried that and it didn't work!!!!   So glad I waited. 

How do you KNOW it's the right one?  I haven't the foggiest!  LOL  I just kind of jumped in with Jon and I'm thankful he was the right one for me!   One thing was we were BOTH 100% doing what God wanted us to do in ministry-neither one of us was sitting around waiting to do things because we were single.  I liked that about him and he liked that about me.

Well that is enough marriage advice from me!

I'm going to read one of my new favorite authors John Grisham.  I'm readying "The Chamber".  I've liked every book of us I've read thus far.  I totally get into the characters and can "see" it.  Love books like that.  I'm not usually a fan of male authors but Grisham is different.  In fact his book "The Testament" could be sold in a Christian bookstore, what a story of redemption.   BTW I'm not into Christian novels at all.  The only ones I slightly liked were the Frank Peretti's set "This Present Darkness" and "Piercing the Darkness"  I think I liked them cause they reminded me of my crazy hometown.  Not quite sure I believe the "theology" of the books though. 

Hope you all have a great weekend!!!

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