Wednesday, July 15, 2015

What is Friendship?

For a long time I thought I knew what friendship meant.  I'm a very loyal person.  Once I hitch my wagon to your wagon I'm pretty much with you for life.  I don't hitch my wagon to very many folks but once I do, they could pretty much turn into a mass murder and I'd be loyal to them LOL 

I'm one of those people who are friends with most of their ex-boyfriends, and even their wives LOL  I figure I liked them enough at one point, they just weren't the right One for me. 

Of course there are degrees of friendship.  I have a fondness for a few folks I don't really have a lot of interaction with but that's not really "who I do life with"  But I still have a loyalty to that person. 

But I have a problem of letting folks go, even toxic folks because of shared experiences and memories.  It's hard to know the 'Christian thing to do" sometimes. 

I have blocked people out of my life completely, some relatives that I would not want around my children...EVER!  That's not been that hard because I knew a lifetime of history and had my kids' best interests at heart.  Plus there were no deep bonds there for me to begin with.

Sometimes I make excuses for horrible behavior and just say "well that's the way that person is" or blame myself for expecting a certain level of care and commitment from someone. 

I also fully believe that each person is responsible for their own happiness and it's wrong to have expectations of others to always meet your needs.   I don't even expect my husband to meet all my needs emotionally.  My happiness and joy should not be based on another person. 

I can be totally at peace by myself.  I'm not a person who really needs anyone else to "be there for me" Oh it's great when it happens, I just don't expect it

One of my favorite sayings is "I have low expectations, therefore I am seldom disappointed!" 

Back to the "Christian thing to do"  I don't think it is wrong to block certain people from your life, especially if it is to protect your children.  But I also don't think it is wrong to block people to protect yourself from emotional harm.  It doesn't mean you hate the person, or wish them evil. It doesn't mean you hold a grudge or resentment towards a person.   It simply means you can't let yourself continue to be hurt, abused, wounded or disrespected. 

There's a fine line here.  In the beginning of our marriage, my husband was bothered by a decision I'd made to limit some family contacts.   Then as he got older and wiser, he began to understand and totally support my decision.  It did not seem like the "Christian thing to do" to him at first until he understood. 

Recently I've come to the conclusion in my life that I'm going to just put my time into my family first and just a few close friends secondly.  I think I've always had the focus on my family, nothing ever has come before them.  But I'm learning to be a little more honest in relationships.  Do I get out of them what I put into them?  Of course there are times when we do put more into a certain friendship than the other person does, maybe because of situations going on in the other person's life or illness or something that keeps that person from being able to give to the friendship.  I feel like I have some faithful friends who give more in the friendship to me  that I do to them and I want to remedy that!   On the other hand, I can see in other friendships where I give and have given more than I should have.  I've been too open with my heart and too loyal.  I'm also going to remedy that. 

So what is friendship?  I think it's two people who enjoy each other's company and respect each other even if they don't always agree.  And there has to be laughter, lots and lots of laughter!  There can't be any "walking on eggshells" in the friendship.  And there can't be judgment in a friendship anymore than there can be judgment in a marriage.  I think of my closest friends and realize I'm free to share my heart...even when it's a bit soiled and not the nicest heart around.  And I know that they would not use that knowledge against me.  So there has to be Trust in a friendship too. 

I'm extremely thankful that Jon, my husband, has become a friend also.  When we first got married, I don't' really think we were friends.  Oh we were in love but it wasn't the same thing as now.  Now is sooooooo much better.   Our friendship took more time than our love affair did.  But it was worth it. 

I was also thinking that at the same time, I want to be the same kind of friend to others as I want them to be to me.  It goes both ways. 

Anyhow just some thoughts that have been going through my little bitty mind lately.......

Last weekend I won a $50 gift card from Hobby Lobby so I spent it this week...  All of this was on 90% clearance.  the  big flower picture is one I'd looked at for months for Sarah's room.  On clearance it was only $4!!!  I still had a little bit left over so I took in a big picture I haven't hung yet because it needed a wire on the back and I bought to metal crosses for accent pieces also...NOW my gift card is gone but it was wonderful while it lasted!!!




Today is one month from when our son leaves for college.  I'm so excited about it for him.  Most of the time 99% at least, I'm thrilled for him.  That 1% makes me want to lock him away forever in a basement and tell him he can never leave!  When we went last week to do his schedule and some other things, it was so exciting.  It reminded me of when I went to SEC and how it felt to be going the first semester. 

I was so ready for college, I had a calendar where I marked off each day until August 24th when I left for SEC.  I'm glad he is not as anxious to leave us LOL  But it was a wonderful magical time for me.  I wouldn't have traded that time for the world.  I only hope he will have a college experience like I did.  

If you live in our area....
Next Monday night.....
20% of the proceeds will go to Rhythms of Grace, the percussion group Shad is in. 

Grab your friends and join our crew;
We’ll be happy to see you!
We’ll be jamming’ in the parking lot;
Even though it will be hot.
At HAPPY COW we will abide;...

Get your FRO-YO and chill inside.
You can hear us, we’ll be loud,
We sure hope we can draw a crowd!

Be sure to tell them you're there to support Rhythms of Grace!
(that little poem was written by Tammy, the mom of the other percussion players! ) 
Happy Cow is a place I have to restrict myself from LOL  I could eat their yogurt every day.  It's so good.  Anyhow come and eat and it's for a good cause also!

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