Thursday, March 2, 2017
Remembering God's Faithfulness!
This video posted by a friend reminded me of our life.
It's hard for me to share things about THE accident especially in this unforgiving, jump on the parents, world that we live in....but here goes a little piece of my heart.
The first words out of my mouth when I saw my husband was "it's ok - I don't blame you" I didn't even know what had actually happened at that time. The cop that was with me, told his mother that he'd been to many accidents involving family members and he had never seen a reaction like mine. His mom volunteered for Ronald McDonald House and she shared it with me later. It really touched him.
But no matter what had happened- I KNEW my husband-I knew his character and his life.
But God gave me the words to say
I'm not known as a calm/peaceful person. I react to things quickly & from my emotions-I have a short fuse. But in that moment God gave me grace in a major way.
There was a night soon after the accident happened that I went down to the Erie Canal, alone. Yea I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do but believe me no mugger or even murderer would have messed with me that night. I wept loudly and had a Garden of Gethsemane moment where I begged God to change everything back. But mostly I prayed for strength for what was ahead.
I'm a realist and by that time I knew without a major miracle Selah was gone away from us. The future was absolutely terrifying. It's one thing to be a mom to special needs children who require help as if they were toddlers....it's another to have a child who depends on you for her airway to stay clear! I knew our life was forever changed. When I say the future was terrifying....OH MY GOD there are no words!
In the midst of all the pain was the fear of losing my family. HOW would we deal with this? How could I meet all the kids' needs? How would I have any sort of life? How would this affect Jon and my marriage?
I can tell you the absolute truth. God met me on the side of the Erie Canal. An atheist friend wanted to talk to me about this once and he told me that I just found the strength inside of me....NOPE! There was not that much strength inside me to face this tragedy. There is not the slightest bit of doubt in my mind that God is real. He gave me strength to move on.
We sat down with the kids and told them that everything was going to be ok. We were honest and told them we didn't know HOW things would work out but we were all still a family and we were going to make it. And we have....4.5 years later we are stronger than ever. We trust God more than ever and we've seen God open the way for us when we didn't know where to go or what to do.
This video clip tells a story of loss and forgiveness. It really touched me and brought back to my mind our situation.
Then this song.....Just say AMEN.... I can barely watch it without bawling. God is faithful!
I have found Him faithful- I know He is able I've seen His power and brought through the fire! I've found joy in the midst of sorrow- peace in the storm- hope for tomorrow.....
I laugh and say I could just stand there with one cardboard sign after another.....
Listen to it