My real life by Yvonne

Comments...

2012-02-14T20:05:00.002-05:00

I've looked back over the comments section and realized I've missed quite a few...I just want to thank you all for ALL the uplifting messages. They touched my heart tonight...I went back to the very beginning of this journey and read all the kind words of encouragement. thank you again!

Can I ask all of you to pray...pray for our adoption, pray for FAVOR from the hand of the Lord, pray that nothing stands in our way and that God's will is done.

We are close but there are many more steps to complete. You have no idea how much we appreciate your prayers! One day I may share more of this journey....it's been quite an experience:)

Thank you again for your prayers and know that they are needed and appreciated!

8 yr old miracle:)

2012-02-11T16:05:00.003-05:00

Today is Sam's 8 year old birthday! My mind goes back to the day he was born, after a short eventful pregnancy. Our doctor felt he needed to be delivered although he wasn't quite 32 weeks because the amniotic fluid was low & he was at risk of lying on his cord & killing himself. Since he was breech, they scheduled me for a c-section and gave me a few steroid shots to help his lung develop. So I laid there and watched him be born (don't' worry the only thing I was looking at was his cute butt popping out!) Let me tell you a planned c-section is the way to go! so easy, I was up in no time and not really too uncomfortable. Much easier than my "natural birth" with our first son!

Of course most of you have read the story about how I noticed his eyes the next morning & had to fight to get medical attention for them although he was in the NICU! (and no I wasn't very nice but unfortunately right!) I knew he was blind the first time I looked into his eyes....

We were devastated! Who thinks about having a blind child???? That wasn't on my list of worries at all!!! The emotions we felt were overwhelming....

But through it all, somehow the peace of God sustained us, I can't explain it but when I look back on those days, it's not with a sense of sorrow, it's with a feeling of comfort... I determined while he was in the hospital I was NOT going to get bitter about the hand that life dealt us and I was going to trust God!

We adored him so much, were at the hospital all day every day & were so glad to bring him home although he came home with machines! We began the (now over 40 surgeries & procedures) that have given him a measure of sight in one eye. And we just loved him. Honestly because he was blind, it just made him that much more precious to us.

So now EIGHT years later, we have this wonderful precious little boy (and yes he is little- the size of a 2 1/2 yr old but chunky) that we still adore. He has taken us on some real adventures physically, spiritually & emotionally. We've met people that we would have never met , if we didn't have Sam! We've experienced many things & plenty of trips (NY doctor trips/vacations) that we would have never experienced if we didn't' have Sam. Spiritually having him, has taken us to a place of surrender that we've probably would never have gone on our own... I'm amazed by families who adopt children with special needs who do not have their own special (SN) child! I personally would have never had the guts otherwise...but having Sam takes the fear out and shows us the joy that is there in a life that may not be "perfect' in the eyes of the world but is in God's eyes and our eyes' too!

So just by his life, it encouraged us to adopt Shad! And now we are adopting two more children with similar special needs as Sam. We read their diagnosis and it reads as Sam's would probably if he were in their situation. It's rather bleak, they are blind with cognitive delays....but so is Sam and he is the light of my life:) We feel privileged that God would allow us to have a son like Sam. I know that may seem hard for some people to understand, I probably wouldn't have understood it 10 years ago...but it is so true! Having Sam has shown us what is truly important in life and what's not... Isn't' that a wonderful thing? So what is important PEOPLE! Not things or degrees or titles but people! Guess what? A person is important even if they don't have a 150 IQ score...Sam's score is extremely low and he has had every advantage a child with disabilities could have & it's not really helped much but that so does NOT matter!!! He matters, his heart, his love...I wish I could fully share my heart but it is so hard to put it in words. I just love my baby and love having him in my life:) There are days when the thought just washes over me, how blessed I truly am....

We are submitted!

2012-02-09T18:51:00.003-05:00

Our dossier has been officially submitted & accepted by our children's country. That means they accepted all 40 plus documents and will now go over them to make sure everything is completely correct. Then hopefully in about 2 weeks we will get a call to tell us of our appointment date with their Department of Adoption!

Today marks 12 weeks since we started the official paper chase and only 13 weeks since we looked at their pictures...During that time, God has provided their "ransom" He provided fully for their adoption. (I read that on another person's post & I thought how appropriate for me to write that also.)

We have never seen miracles of provision like we have in these past 12 weeks...from the day we committed and needed $2004 for the first fees we needed to pay (which came in, in just hours of asking for it) to a new van to drive them in....it's been unreal to us! God LOVES orphans! Don't ever let the fear of money keep you from stepping out in faith to adopt a child. God provides! If you would have told me 14 weeks ago, we'd be at his point today, I probably would have not believed it BUT 'look what the Lord has done" And it's been God not us or our wonderful personalities trying to make something happen:) God has touched hearts, some we have never met and some who love us dearly...but you know what is interesting? He didn't touch any rich person to give...no He touched hearts that for the most part, had to take a step in faith to give...it makes the gift even more precious! I even had a great, funny friend who won a bit in the lottery and gave it all to the adoption! Another dear friend sold all her "junk" gold to give...it's been unreal and humbling to watch God do this!

Tonight I can't help but reflect on how we have changed as a family and grown in just the last 12 weeks...I can't imagine what is ahead for us, as we travel to get our children and then have the joy of raising them in a family! And hopefully even getting them the medical help they need to receive some sight!

I thank God for all He has done and stand amazed at His faithfulness!!! And I thank you all, some have given, some have prayed..all have encouraged us on this journey...

Please continue to pray! Pray that Sarah and Seth stay healthy and that God whispers in their ears every night that their family is coming so their hearts are prepared to accept us. Pray that they stay safe. Pray that our dossier will pass inspection and we will receive a quick travel date. Our desire is to leave no later than March 5th and return by April 8th (Easter) I KNOW that is asking for a miracle but....we have seen so many lately....!!!Pray for our trip for our safety and for FAVOR with all the officials we deal with.

Tonight I can't wrap my mind around what is ahead....even reading different people's accounts, they are all so very unique. Although we have adopted before, this is alot different. I have alot to do in the next few weeks, pray that I'll have clarity in all areas. There are so many details to attend to and it all has to be done!

Thank you all again!

Help another family out!!!!

2012-02-08T13:01:00.002-05:00

Can I ask YOU my followers and read to do me a huge favor?? This friend of mine is also adopting from our children's country. Could I ask everyone to go to their page featured below and give at least $10? If all my regulars would do that we'd raise almost $800 for them this week!!! They need about $800 to take the next step! Let's help them friends!!! Could you donate where it says "Personal Adoption Fund Raiser"? This is an account they can access now for expenses!

http://specialingredientlove.blogspot.com/

Thank you!

Please pray...

2012-02-07T19:34:00.002-05:00

Three posts in one day... WOW!

Within the next 36 hours our dossier should be submitted to our children's country. So much is riding on this. Please pray that we will be given to a worker whose heart is touched and who wants to help children get homes. Pray that we do not encounter any snags, it happens often it seems in this country. Our children have been waiting for a very long time for a family, please pray that we will find FAVOR with everyone who touches our file.

Emotionally I feel wrung out right now, we've pushed so hard and fast to get our paperwork done, the money raised and everything ready for them....now there is nothing we can do but wait! Please pray that once again the God of this Universe will have mercy on Sarah & Seth and fly us thru this process. He has been so faithful, I feel like one of the children of Israel right now... they saw God move and perform miracles then they doubted once again.....I don't doubt God I just don't have alot of trust in government workers (remember I was one for many years LOL- i was a good worker but I saw some doozies!!!)

So alot is hitting me tonight and I feel very down, overwhelmed and worried about this situation. There is so much ahead on this journey and I know it will not be an easy journey....I pray for strength and wisdom for us......I hate to fly, I hate to be away from home and I really hate to be on the other side of the world from one of my kids! The trip is long and not glamorous in anyway BUT it is the only way we can get our children.

Thank you for your prayers for all of us...soon to be the Clanton Seven!

Baby Shower

2012-02-07T18:58:00.002-05:00

My friends, family & church gave us a wonderful baby shower last weekend! We were again blessed beyond what we could have imagined by the generosity & love shown to our little ones! I wanted to download some photos but couldn't do it:( We just had a wonderful time together and we got so much stuff for the kids! I actually had to put everything in my husband's office at the church because our house is torn up with all the painting and construction going on! Hopefully most of it will be done tomorrow and I'll be able to start putting things back together. A good friend painted their room and is redoing our closets giving us more storage space so everything is pulled out all over the place!

I went and bought the cribs yesterday (they are also in the church as there is no room for them at home!) We're putting them in cribs for their safety and for their feeling of security.Having a child with who is legally blind, I know that a crib makes him feel more secure (and it sure makes me feel more secure too!!!) They have beautiful matching jungle themed crib sets that were handmade and soft blankets with the matching theme. I can't wait till they are home sleeping safely in their jungle themed bedroom!

I've bought them some toys that will be attached to the walls of their room and a ball pit. We already have an inside trampoline with a net, that Sam loves. I'm so excited about their room, it will be a sensory room! Lots of things to touch and listen to as well as do. Our local Blind Services has a room like that for the little kids and I am trying to some degree to copy it. Some days I just dream about how it will be to have them home and enjoying everything! I hope to have everything done by this weekend and pictures up-hopefully!!!!!

Everything is getting into place, hopefully that is a good sign that we are close to leaving to go get them!!! Please remember to pray for them and us! Thanks!

NEW VAN

2012-02-07T08:25:00.003-05:00

Last Monday night we had just gone to bed when we got a phone call from a church member...as a pastor, you think the worst, someone is sick or has died....well our member said everything was fine and then just kinda waited...then he dropped the bomb...his family was buying us a new van!!!!!! We almost passed out:) We met him Tuesday night and picked up a brand new Kia van:) It's lovely:) You can see it above. I like the picture where it is with our old 2000 Dodge Caravan, big difference there! We are so grateful to our dear friends and overwhelmed by the provision of the Lord to us. Never did we expect this and are just amazed by how God is providing for us and for Sarah and Seth! They will be riding in style:) And I love that the windows are tinted, we plan on getting them eye surgery this summer and that will make it easier on their eyes while they are recovering. God is in the details and it is amazing!!!!!!!! I'm blown away.....

We are scheduled for our dossier to be submitted on Thursday so please pray for us that it will all go smoothly and we have our travel date within 2 weeks. It seems we are so close but still so far away!

As always plese pray for Sarah and Seth that God will protect them and keep them healthy!!!!!!!! Thank you all for your prayers!

Faithful God

2012-01-29T18:22:00.003-05:00

Today we received a check for $7000 to complete our adoption! We are in awe of what God has done for Sarah & Seth! I am in awe of God's faithfulness. I truly believe God hears the cry of the orphan, the cry of loneliness that comes from their heart & He responds to it. Having a front row seat to this miracle for the last few months has been amazing. We didn't do any fundraisers (not that I'm against that) we couldn't even figure how to put the link to the ministry that has an account for them/us on my blog:) BUT God moved on people's hearts & they responded to his nudges...

The lady who gave today just unexpectedly lost her husband. But years ago she had a dream about helping two orphans & when she heard what we were doing, she felt the Lord nudge her to help us as the fulfillment of the dream. She hasn't let bitterness over her loss take over her life, she is trusting God no matter what she is going through. What an amazing example for all of us to trust God and not let circumstances steal our joy & trust in God. I am humbled by her example!

Thank you all for your prayers and support as we have began this journey. Please continue to pray for Sarah & Seth's health & safety and that all the very complicated pieces fall into place in the next month. Pray that despite all human reasoning that things will continue to go fast and that they will soon be in our arms. There are so many components of the adoption ahead & so many people within their government that we need favor from God as we move forward. Please pray for us that we will soon have them home:) Thank you all!!!!!!!!

Thanks!

2012-01-26T16:29:00.003-05:00

I just got a shower gift from a family in Arizona:) How sweet of you guys! Can't wait to see them using it to hold on to as they relearn how to walk again:) What an encouragment!

Keeping the Faith

2012-01-26T13:38:00.003-05:00

Today I woke to an email stating that there has been some changes to the way our children's country accepts dossiers. Right now our initial paperwork has been filed and the team was waiting to file our dossier till February 1, when the country reopened to accept dossiers. Now it seems each family will be given a date that our dossier can be submitted on. We do not know if this will affect us or not as our initial paperwork (it's called the CSP) has been submitted almost a month. We are waiting to hear. Even if it does affect us, it shouldn't add more than a few weeks on to the wait....not hard for us because we have been flying and have alot to do to get ready to bring two children home BUT to the children, this would be an awful hold up. They need us and they need medical care. Please pray that this will not hold up the adoption in any way!!! Thank you!!!!

Since we started on this adoption in November, I've been totally focused on getting our paperwork done and getting all the money raised. We didn't research this country, we fell in love with two children. So as I'm reading in our FB group of all the things different families are facing and how long some are in country, it's overwhelming! At this point, we plan on taking Steve & Sam with us. We have no one to leave Sam with for so long and Steve is coming to help with Sam. (he's a great big brother) We can't take Sam with us to court or to the institution so Steve will keep him in our room/apartment. I'm so thankful for a dependable, mature. 16 yr old son! However we do have concerns about taking Sam out of the country. He is so much healthier than ever but he does have special needs and there are things that could go wrong...even getting food poisoning would be disastrous for him. But we have no one who could keep him for 4-6 weeks. Yes that is how long we will be in country....

I like to plan things...with this it is "just go with the flow" 100% there is very little that we have any control over. I've said a million times I'm sure that this is a total different experience than our Chinese adoption...that was smooth, step by step...totally knew what to expect in country, even knew where we were staying...not so here!!!! The group of parents that are there right now are having extremely different experiences...and I wouldn't say any one's experience was smooth at all! Some seem easier than others...but they all seem very hard & stressful!

This one thing I know is that GOD has lead us to this point. We were not a family that was looking to add anymore children! If you would have asked me last October if we were ever going to adopt again, I would have told you "NO" And had we been thinking of adoption I can assure you it would not have been this country from just the little I knew about the adoption process. We didn't research countries or try to figure which ways to go... God spoke to us and that brings me comfort when the way seems dark....I can see in my mind's eye, us walking down a dark path, a tunnel of trees in the dark, with just a little light with us. We don't know how long that path will be or what steps to take we just walk in the moment and in His light.....

I have to confess there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night and WORRY....and believe me there are SO many things to worry about!!! But all I can say is we are following God's leading & direction. When I can grasp that truth for a minute or so...I have peace... It's just hard to keep ahold of that truth!!

Currently my husband is having a rough time with 3 bulging discs in his back. He has had problems since July but it got 100% worse when we committed to adopt Sarah & Seth. He has had a treatment of an epidural into his back and it has helped some. He is getting another one next Friday and they hope that that will be the cure. If not it is going to be a very hard trip

When I think of all that could go wrong....it's overwhelming! Please continue to pray for us in this situaion! Pray that God will make the crooked path straight...thank you!

If you'd like to give

2012-01-23T17:45:00.002-05:00

If you'd like to give there are two ways ....

http://reecesrainbow.org/28647/sponsorclanton

or you can mail a check to: Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills Fl 33540 attn: Clanton adoption

Thanks!

Getting Ready

2012-01-23T17:08:00.003-05:00

We are still waiting, our dossier is being translated and all kinds of details are coming together! We are hoping to be in the children's country by March 5th:) Everything is going wonderfully...had a small glitch in our immigration paperwork that was noticed as it was being translated but were able to get that fixed immediately and emailed over! We still need about $5000 to finish the adoption fees but I'm confident that God is well able to provide that!!!!!

The paint and wood is bought for their room. It's going to be a jungle theme and look amazing. We have a wonderful friend , Chuck, who did a great job on our church so now he has offered to paint their room and redo the closets in the house to give us all more closet space. My house is kinda a mess right now as I am going through everything but it is going to be great!!

Next week my friend are giving me a baby shower...we're registered at Toys RUs /Babies R Us if you are wondering:) I can't wait to get everything ready for them!!!!

I've just started buying some clothes. I love thrift stores and went to my favorite one over the weekend and found someone had just dropped off beautiful size 4 girls' clothes. The clothes don't look worn at all and are all name brands! I also bought her some leggings to go under some of the dresses. I got Seth a few things including a very nice Nike Gator jacket! I've got a lot of boy clothes...obviously but I want him to have some new stuff too. It's hard to decide what to buy since I don't really know their sizes. Everything I bought for Shad was way too big so I'm figuring the same with them.

We just want everything to be nice and ready for them. We can't wait to spoil them and hear giggles....

All my kids have been premature, Steve by a month, Sam by two months, Shad by a month....so it's our hope that they will be too:) We have been told that the earliest we could hope to go was the first of March...I'm hoping we'll have a ate by the end of February...what can I say, I've never had to wait for my kids to get here:) Even Shad was a month earlier than we'd expected and that was crazy times for sure:) I had 5 days to get my visa and leave for China.....whew!

Really want these precious children home, really want to start loving on them, can't wait to take them to get eye surgery and hopefully that will give them some vision....

Please pray that things will continue to go smoothly, that God will continue to show us His mercy. Please pray that they will stay healthy and that God will whisper peace into their hearts throughout their dreams...thank you so much!

We keep marching forward....

2012-01-14T11:22:00.003-05:00

During these hard economic times, the state of Florida is closing TWELVE prisons!! Thank God my husband's prison was not affected. WE are so very thankful that he still has his job & we pray for our friends who have been affected! When he told me the news, I could have passed out. At one point, his prison was high on the list for closure but since they have a mental health ward as well as a hospice ward, they were needed so it remains open! WE are so thankful...

Well we are now officially done with our paperwork, just waiting....waiting on confirmation of the children's eligibility for adoption, waiting on February 1st, the first day we can be logged in the country, then waiting on a date to go..... We had one new piece of paperwork that had to be sent in, but it's done and won't hold us up any. It will be there before Feb 1:)

Some friends are giving me a baby shower, I'm excited:) I'm registered at Babies R Us/Toys R US, and have an idea of what the kids will need. Our friend is redoing their room and that should be done soon. I'm nesting...have gone through the kids' rooms and clean out alot of stuff. I LOVE to clean closets. I do it every few months and yet he stuff keeps growing in there:)

WE still need about $5000 to complete the adoption but have full faith it will all come in in the next few weeks. God has been so faithful to our children and to us!

Plans in country with our facilitator is underway and all seems to be moving smoothly. I ask for prayers that everything will fall into place in each area so that things will go as smooth as possible.

Please continue to pray for Sarah's & Seth's health that God will strenghten them & give them hope in their heart that their mommy & daddy are coming for them!

THANK YOU!

2012-01-06T12:22:00.004-05:00

I just want to take a moment and thank each person who has given towards our adoption. We plan on sending a picture card to each person after we get home wih them. If you've given through Reece's Rainbow, we do not get a list of the givers until right before we travel. But we want you to know how much we appreciate you!!!!!

I love that we keep getting donations from the Rochester NY area! Don't know exactly how you all know us but we LOVE that area!!!!!!!! Our son Sam received a life changing, sight saving surgery there at Strong's in August 2007 by Dr James Aquvella. We go yearly for check ups & have such pleasant experiences there. We have such a love & respect for the wonderful Ronald McDonald House there by the hospital. the staff is wonderful and always act happy to see us all the way from Florida! Dr A is the most wonderful doctor and man! His life work has been saving sight! He has perfected the corneal eye implants that gave Sam sight. Our plans are to take Seth and Sarah to him by June (and it will be time for Sam's check up too) He believes he can help them! If ANYONE can, Dr A can do it! We LOVE him. I've included Sam's picture above so you can see the difference!!!! That's the difference we hope to see for Sarah & Seth soon!!!!!!!!

So hopefully we will be able to meet some of our doors in person one day!

Our family is so blessed by the outpouring of love by so many. We know that people are praying for us and for Sarah & Seth! Thank you so very much!

Homeland Security Approval

2012-01-05T15:29:00.002-05:00

In less than 2 weeks, despite Christmas & New Years, we got our USCIS/Homeland Security approval! Just so you know, that is crazy fast!

Now our first round of paperwork is submitted in our children's country. This is when we get the official word that they are adoptable. WE know they've been listed but this is like a 2nd check to make sure they've not been adopted or moved or deceased. Although I've heard good things recently, this is a scary time for us. I think the rest of the adoption will be a scary time for us. Our work is done, the paperwork is in...now it is up to the children's country to say YES,come and adopt!

Please pray that all goes smoothly from this point on. We have no control whatsoever at this point, we're just trusting God for the outcome. This first batch went in, but no full dossiers are accepted until Feb 1. We are looking for ours to be submitted on that day. Then we get an appointment with their Department of Adoptions. Depending on when that appointment is, is when we leave for their country.

PLEASE pray for us & for the two children we already love so much. We want to bring them home and give them a whole new life!

Carnation Instant Breakfasts Drive

2012-01-02T20:54:00.002-05:00

We've been asked by several people how they could help the children in the institution. One way we have thought of is through supplying Carnation Instant Breakfasts. A wonderful ministry works there called Life 2 Orphans and they supply the children with the mixes. So if you'd like to send monies earmarked for the Carnation Instant Breakfast Drive, I will buy the packets and we will take a duffel bag full:)

If you live in the area and would like to do a drive, through your works, school or church, that would be great too.

Make sure if you are mailing a donation for the Carnation Instant Breakfast Drive that you write that on your check or money order. Make our your checks to Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills Fl 33540.

It will be tax deductible also!

Another $1030 came in today, we need just a little over $6000:) We are blessed!!!!!!!

The Faithfulness of God -We got another miracle

2012-01-01T16:11:00.002-05:00

When we started out on this journey less than 2 months ago, we had no extra money. We live on one salary with 3 kids. I coupon, do a veggie garden, thrift shop, love hand me downs....do all I can to stretch each dollar. We didn't have the $30,000...to be honest we didn't have the initial $3000...I was asked by the ministry that we are working through "IF we would have the required up-front fees as needed." I said "yes". When I said Yes, we had exactly $82 in our checking account & payday was a few days away. And even when payday came, there wasn't an extra $300 to spare, much less $3000! So did I lie? NO! Because I knew we would have the required fees to send it. Don't ask me how I knew it , I just did.

There are a few times I can look back on in my life and just KNOW I heard from God! When I was a young person, God spoke to my heart, beside our mailbox that I was to go to Southeastern College. I had gotten a flyer for it & as I was pulling it out of he mailbox, in my heart, head, spirit...where ever, I clearly "heard" this is the school you will go to" So against many odds, I did go and did graduate from there!

So in the same way, we felt God spoke to our hearts about these children. So when I said "yes", I was speaking in complete confidence. I've learned to trust God & I've learned God's nature. Read the Bible, it's filled with references about taking care of the orphans. Was I a bit overwhelmed? YES But I just "had a knowing"

So within the first week, everything came in that we needed for that time frame. Every single step of this journey, the need has been supplied. It's been amazing!

Then a few days ago I realized I had miscalculated & that we needed more than I thought at first because I had left out the children's tickets home & I'd written 2 deposits twice & I hadn't budgeted but for 4 weeks there, and really we need to be prepared for 6 weeks....so I was overwhelmed. But I prayed that God would not let me be like the children of Israel who had seen so many miracles but when times would get rough, they'd doubt God every time. I really prayed through about that & told God that I chose to trust Him, no matter what!

So yesterday.....

I checked our Reece's Rainbow account when I first got up and was encouraged that there was $30 that came in, then 221.50 later in the morning, then around lunch $2000 was posted!!!!! We were rejoicing as a family! Then another $100 came in and we were just blown away....A few hours later, I got a call from a sweet lady that I know and we talked for a bit and she told me that her family was mailing in a donation. I was blessed & thankful...THEN she told me the check was for $7500 & I literally could not catch my breath! When I finally could breath I was bawling, just torn up because of their willingness to be a part of this journey. Then I managed to tell my husband who was on the phone to someone else and he had to get off the phone & he laid down on our bed & wept! We were blown away.....Thank you my friends for giving so these two sweet little people can come home with us! We promise to make their life sweet & so different from what it is now.

Since then another $225 have come in and we are down to needing $7211 to have all the funds that our agency suggests we have to insure that all in country fees are paid.

God is faithful to the orphan! I don't believe He moved like this cause we have such great faith ( LOLOL) but because He hears the cries of the orphan. When Sarah's & Seth's parents left them in the hospital after their birth & forgot about them...God never forgot them. The God of this Universe heard their cry. I have a picture of both of them sucking their fingers, to comfort themselves at rest time. They have never known the love of a family. Obviously they've been taken care of, basic needs met but even if they couldn't' describe it, in their hearts they yearned for a family. God heard their yearning.

Why these two? Doesn't God care for ALL orphans? YES, yes He does! I don't have perfect theology but I believe if Christians began adopting orphans that the problem would be solved. I've read that if only 10% of professing Christians would step forward and adopt both within their own country & internationally, all orphans would have homes. But God is waiting on someone to step forward to take the children. Jon & I were willing, not that we're saints, but our hearts were moved with compassion. Not everyone can adopt but many can who think they can't! If ONLY the people who have said to me "i wish I could adopt" would get up and do it instead of wish about it, many children would have homes!!! If you are in a place in your life that you can not adopt, then give to someone who is or to a feeding program or something. God doesn't say everyone has to adopt but He does tell us to take care of the orphans & the fatherless. God has used so many different people who could not adopt at this time in their lives to bless us to enable us to adopt. It's all a part of God's plan.

God is faithful, able to be trusted! We sung this morning in church (preplanned before all of this) "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" How very fitting. It is so sweet to trust in Jesus. I think back on my life and those times when I leaned back on Jesus and trusted Him and not myself, those are the sweetest moments of my life. They were not always the most pleasant or easiest moments but they were so sweet. Right now I feel that as I see this all unfolding..."Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus just from sin & self to cease..." Sometimes we need to cease from self!

Need a Miracle again

2011-12-28T17:39:00.003-05:00

Last night I redid all my figuring on the financial aspect of this adoption and realized we need more money than we thought! I had not included the children's airfare home (a slight miscalculation) and I had entered two deposits, two different times and had not budgeted to plan on possibly being there for 6 weeks ( I had only budgeted for 4 weeks) So we need $17,499.52! So that is where we are at and I'm bummed! We hope to leave by the first of Mach, so we have to make sure it all comes in by then.

The only things we still need are:

$8500 for our program fees
$3000 travel to the country
$6000 in country (travel, hotel, food, various expenses)

All other fees have been paid or there is money to pay them.

Homestudy (all fees involved including backgrounds)
Commitment fee
USCIS
Appostille fees
Shipping fees
Medical exams (for us)
Medicals (for our new children)
Visa applications (the children's)
Passports (for all of our children)
Fee for extra child
Translation Fee

So much is paid for, and we have only three things now to raise money for (although they are BIG things)

This whole step of faith has been a miracle. Every fee that is required at this point is paid for. God called us to this and he will provide the rest, I'm sure of it but I sure wish it would happen today:) That would make this faith walk a little less scary!

I don't want to be like the children of Israel...God would do a miracle for them and a few days later, they'd be right back to grumbling & complaining !!!! I don't want to grumble or complain. I want to trust God for His provision!!! So please pray for us that God will supply!

If you'd like to donate, please send donations to :
Grace Church
7060 Berry Road
Zephyrhills, Fl 33540 attn: Clanton family adoption

they are tax deductible!

Process

2011-12-27T11:27:00.006-05:00

Sometimes when you are in the adoption process things begin to feel surreal. Right now with our main dossier in country & our homeland security approval coming very soon, most of my CRAZY running around is over. Now we are almost to the point of sitting back and waiting...waiting on that phone call that will turn our world upside down. With the way our children's country moves, we will probably go in the first of March. So between now & then, we raise our money and we wait...

I remember the wait and the frantic phone call December 31 2005....Yvonne "hello" Agency "we need you to leave for China by 5th" OMG!!!! I had to get a VISA for travel from Washington DC's Chinese Embassy & arrange my flight OVER New Years Holiday! I do not know how it all came together to this very day, it's a blur with just little pieces here & there...what a crazy 6 days! But it all came together! And on Jan 8th (Jan 7th here and that added to some confusion) I sat in a cold orphanage & waited. Waited for a lady to come in the door and hand me Shad. What a moment forever emblazoned on my mind.

With Steve, Sam & Shad those first few moments are like little videos in my brain. With all three, all I can remember of those moments are them! I don't know who handed them to me or even what they looked like, ALL I focused on was that child! So as with childbirth, adoption is 100% the same, you don't see nothing but the child! And it's shocking! I know when I was pregnant both times I was shocked to see a real baby:) I guess I thought ET was in there moving around or something. Well with adoption it is shocking to see that little person that you've fallen in love with from a picture, in real life! It is breathtaking!

So right now I'm in the stretch where it seems unreal. Will I really get to that child? This time around we have many more worries , both for the country and the changes that seem to come without warning and for the children's health & well being. We know more this time and it is scary...lots can go wrong just like in a pregnancy.

Things have moved at such speed for our adoption, that it is truly unreal. It certainly helped that we'd done an adoption before, already had a Social Worker who'd worked with us and had done home studies & post placement reports on us. But honestly I just did everything humanly possibly to speed things along. If it could be hand walked through I took it. I didn't give any allowances for human error or wasted time and that does help! Pretty sure we had so many paperwork errors that I'm responsible for killing a small forest! We had a friend of Jon's who is a notary that helped us so much, redoing everything and always being available for us! God provided for us.

So as committed as we are in our hearts, we are trying to hold back a little emotionally. We've seen other families lose their child(ren) due to other folks adopting that child or changes in that government's adoption laws ( they didn't affect us this time) The country we are adopting from does not allow the family to pre select a child and have that child held for them. China is different you don't have that concern. Of course it doesn't seem that children in institutions or with the various special needs our two have are really affected by that. They've both been waiting since they were 1 year old, so chances are no one else will come for them. The ones who seem to get adopted out like that are ones who have minor special needs & who are still in orphanages. So in one small way we are lucky. "So while it is not likely we'll have complications, it's still a scary thing that lurks in the back of my mind!

So we are just holding on, doing (or have done) everything we can do & praying that all goes well! Please continue to pray for our babies!!!!

The Inn of the Sixth Happiness

2011-12-24T07:18:00.003-05:00

Last night my husband and I watched an old movie called "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness". It's about an English girl who wants to be a missionary to China back in the 1930's. She goes & endures so many hardships. In the end she rescues about 400 orphans from certain death by the Japaneses. To me the most touching scene is when the town elder tells everyone to leave town and go to the mountains to escape and he honors the missionary by putting it in the town's records, as they are closing down the town, that he has chosen to be a christian based on her life....she just sobs (and so do we) What a movie! Guess what, it was not a christian movie...rather it was a Hollywood film from the 60's! Pretty amazing to see how far we have fallen. We certainly do not have movies like that anymore! The movie was so inspiring to me. I had read about this missionary before (I can't remember her name this morning but I think I have a book on her) But what a life she led!

Jon kept comparing me to the lady,she was a bit headstrong! LOL She was told in England, by the experts, she could never be a missionary, she didn't have the right training. Then she was told she couldn't get there because of all the turbulence in the world but she just preserved on. I LOVE determination.

So many times I look at people who have gone no where in their lives, some had dreams but they were told it was impossible so they believed it and let their dreams go....That is sad but it also makes me mad!!

Recently my husband found an old list of mine. I had written it my first year in college (BTW, I had folks who told me I'd never make it in college! I had no support from anyone but a friend & her mom. But I made it!!) So I had written my life goals on the list......Dear God, I almost fell out!!!!!! So many of them I had achieved!!! Almost all of them!

The thing that makes me laugh is that for every one of those goals, I had people telling me I could NOT do it!!!!!! But with God's help and my determination I did!

My goals were to finish college & get my BA, marry a wonderful husband (I had all the qualities I wanted written down & Jon met them)! Travel, move to NYC & work in inner city ministry, have kids, adopt kids..etc.... I've met most of the dreams I had written down.

I want to encourage you to remember your dreams...no matter where you are in life, push forward with your dreams. don't let anyone stand in your way. You may have to work hard, I did, she did...She was a maid scrubbing the floors to save up the money to go to China. She didn't look so heroic then but each step was a step to her destiny.

Great movie, watch it if you have the chance. I'm going to try and track it down so I can buy it!

Do you get it??? And Update

2011-12-23T06:55:00.004-05:00

I got hit by a troll on my blog. A troll is exactly what it sounds like , an ugly inside & out person, who hides out and doesn't make their identify known. The troll said something to the effect we should save our pennies if we wanted to buy a child & that we were participating in child trafficking....

Just to answer that trolls questions and any that anyone else has....

We personally were not expecting to adopt. We have our three boys including an adopted child, and were quite content with our life. Actually I had given away alot of our youngest child's things recently. (and yes I could kick myself now!) BUT God had a different plan than what we had!

Just by looking on an orphan listing site, our hearts were moved with compassion. We couldn't get away from what God was asking us to do. We're not saints but we try and listen to that small voice that leads us down life's path. That small voice told us to go and get these two precious children left to languish in a mental institution until they died. We understand children like them, our own son was born with similar if not the same condition. The difference is we took care of our son since the day he was born. We worked with him, got him medical care and most import, loved on him. So we know what these two particular children need medically, physically & emotionally. No we didn't have $30,000 saved up to rescue them but we know the same God who asked us to step forward, would ask others to step forward and be a part of this. It's been a beautiful thing to see.

As far as child trafficking...that's laughable. the two children we picked aren't going to grace the cover of American Baby or do photo shoots for Toys R Us. They don't have alot of what the world calls outward beauty. Folks will stare at them. We know that, people do with our son. We've found that people don't like any imperfection. We are not picking them because thy are the perfect blond haired, blue eyed children so prized by the world's standards. But to us, no one could be cuter:)

We want to be their parents to take care of them and bring them happiness. I don't think they've seen alot of happiness. WE can't wait to get them started in therapy and possibly have some eye operations to see if they can be given some sight. These two, so like our precious little boy , deserve more than lying in a bed until they die! They are God's creation.

Why do I think God allows children to be born like this..I have lots of theological ideas about it , obviously we live in a fallen world, God's not a genie who makes everything perfect right now...etc etc.... But I know that God uses situations in our lives to help us to grow & learn compassion. Obviously I do not believe that God caused my son to be born the way he was, but God worked in our lives through those circumstances. He changed us & it's been a good thing! I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Sam's life has deepen mine! Would I have chosen for him to have all this...? Of course not! But we can't make everything right. But I love that God can be with us in our worst moments & speak comfort to our hearts. And because God has done that for us, we are equipped by God to be able to give two other children a home. Wow I love how God works. Ten years ago, I could not have done this! I wouldn't know where to start but since being taught by the Great Sam:) I know how to help a blind child. But don't let the fact that you have not had a child with a disability give you an excuse not to adopt. There are plenty children who do not have disablititles that are waiting for a home. Please you can learn how to take care of a child with a disability. God tell us to take care of the orphan.

It's funny, with our first adoption, we only had disagreeable remarks from some of my husband's family and a very rich man in our old church....Of course that was before FB, blogs etc... It shocks me that anyone could ever be against anyone rescuing a child. Our government and the child's government have the family to leap through lots of hoops (and that's a good thing!) They both want to know the family is in a position to take care of the child(ren) So anyone that gets oked to adopt internationally especially has had their backgrounds gone over with a fine tooth comb!!! And I'm all for that, it keeps out people who have any sort of background that is unstable. So who in their right minds would want to see a child lay in a bed until he/she dies rather than have a family, and medical. physical. and emotional help????? Some sort of freak!!!! Just ask my 8 year old if he is glad we came and got him!!! He'll tell you!!!!

NOW FOR OUR UPDATE

I got an email from our worker at Homeland Security that there was no problem with the financial part of our application. She just needs a few more documents and should have our fingerprint notification to us by Tuesday:) This is flying!! The lady we are working with is great! I'm so impressed by how prompt and helpful she is! I was hoping we'd have everything by the end of the year and we'll just miss it by 3 days. she thinks we'll have it by Jan 3rd! I'm happy! We have such a sense of urgency to get everything done. I believe God can work miracles but not if we sit on our butt! So I'm not sitting!!!!! I'm running & pushing ahead!! Please continue to pray for our two children, a half a world away.....some days they seem even further....

Galen

2011-12-21T08:52:00.007-05:00

http://reecesrainbow.org/?s=galen&x=0&y=0

What a cute little boy. All he seems to need is a little eye surgery/patching & some therapy for his CP. The lady who sponsors Sarah prays for & is involved with Galen also. What a dear little guy. He understands and wants a family. Give him the best Christmas gift ever & step up for him! You'll never regret it!!!

Happy Birthday Sarah

2011-12-21T08:31:00.004-05:00

We got an email yesterday that our USCIS/Homeland Security paperwork will be expedited! Thank you Lord! Can't wait to get that done!

The rest of our dossier got hand walked through the Appostille process in Tallahassee yesterday (by a dear friend!) and is on it's way back to me by today. When I get it, I will take it back to "Going Postal" (my new best friends) and it will be on it's way to Texas tonight to be hand delivered to our children's country by a family that is leaving Monday to pick up their children!!!! So by next Wednesday at the latest, it will be safe in our facilitator's hand! WOW!

Our grant application is in. All of our newsletters are out to friends/family who don't use the Internet. I'm even registered at Babies R Us!!! So we are flying.......

Today is Sarah's birthday. I don't know if anyone will wish her a Happy Birthday...there probably won't be a cake or presents....God be with her today & everyday, wrap your arms around her, speak peace to her little heart...give her hope to hang on until we get there.....Next year will be different, I promise!

I LOVE all the comments I get. For some reason I have a hard time responding to them so if you'd like me to respond to you, please include your email address!

Please keep our sweethearts in your prayers! Pray that all paperwork will be correct and there be no hindernaces & that we get the fastest date possible. Please pray that all our finances come in. Right now we need $13,820.25 You can give by going to

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Freecesrainbow.org%2F28647%2Fsponsorclanton&h=tAQHpEWzlAQHAcO9ap6HnTmLckCPpu7CPtzV-gKNwOBtu1g

or through our church Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills Fl 33540 mark it Clanton Adoption:)

Thank you!!!!!

Michelle (6)

2011-12-18T09:19:00.000-05:00

Michelle (6)

I thought this sweetheart had a family coming for her but she does not! PLEASE pray for her & someone needs to step forward & give her a life! she is in an institution now. From what I've heard about her, she does not seem cognitively delayed. She needs YOU!!!! Follow our example & take a leap of faith. I bet you will NEVER regret it!!!!!! I KNOW she won't!!!!

God will help you when you step out in faith. Not before but when you step out! Five weeks ago we didn't have any extra money BUT God moved when we moved!!!! Now we already have half of the money raised for our adoption! Don't be fearful, we serve a GREAT God who tells us to take care of the orphans. He will help you! We are proof of that help!!!!

You can give excuses to me and they maybe valid. Heck I have lots of excuses WHY we shouldn't, couldn't adopt any more kids....but we chose to step out and do it! You can too. You have so much to give! One day we all will stand befoe God and He will ask us what did we do "for the least of them"? What will you say???

Paper chase almost done

2011-12-17T19:46:00.003-05:00

Years ago I watched a show on tv about young law students. I don't remember any of the plots but they studied alot, as they were chasing their degree. The name of the show was "Paper Chase" or something like that. It made me feel very grown up to watch it...

Well I am so over that!!! The last 5 weeks I have been paper chasing as hard as I could possible do it! I'm so thankful to say that on Monday everything except for our USCIS/Homeland security will be on it's way to Tallahassee to get walk thru the Apostille Dept by a friend who will then send it back to me & I'll send it to a family who lives in Texas! They are leaving to go to our children's country on Monday (after Christmas) to adopt their children! So by next Wednesday, our paperwork will be in the hands of the person who will deal with it there!

If I told you ever step that I've had to take to get to this point, you wouldn't believe it (unless you've done an international adoption) and I don't want to remember it all! LOL But I can say I have literally gone without eating several days as I just didn't have time to eat, work on paperwork & take care of my other responsibilities! I have fallen in the bed at night, and fell asleep before the lights were out! But it is so worth it!

Our children's pediatrician wrote a letter for both children asking USCIS to move our paperwork along as fast as possible. I've also contacted our senator, Marco Rubio (who I voted for) & his office has been all over this! I am hoping we will have our fingerprints done by the end of December & our clearance soon after!!

We are down to needing $13,820.25! Please note when we started 5 weeks ago we basically needed $30,000! God is good & so are His people! I am amazed at what God has done for our sweet children!

So please keep praying! There are so many things going on right now in our children's country, pray that nothing will stop their adoption. We want to be their parents & give them the love they've not had yet. When God brings them to mind, please pray...believe me you have no idea of all that could stand in their way of having their own family. I do not ask for prayer lightly, I really mean we need your prayers, thank you!

2011-12-17T17:54:00.003-05:00

A Special Child

You weren’t like other children,
And God was well aware,
You’d need a caring family,
With love enough to share.
... And so He sent you to us,
And much to our surprise,
You haven’t been a challenge,
But a blessing in disguise.
Your winning smiles and laughter,
The pleasures you impart,
Far outweigh your special needs,
And melt the coldest heart.
We’re proud that we’ve been chosen,
To help you learn and grow,
The joy that you have brought us,
Is more than you can know.
A precious gift from Heaven,
A treasure from above,
A child who’s taught us many things,
But most of all- “Real Love”

Dedicated to Sam! Sam has taught us so much in his 7 years. I thank God for him! He has changed my life around, got my priority's on track & made me more happier than you could imagine!

If you would have told me 10 or 13 years ago that I'd have a blind, mentally delayed child & I would be the happiest I've ever been in my whole life...I'd probably not believed you! But it is the truth! Sure we've cried some tears, we have some regrets for Sam but not for us! He is a joy! Pure Joy! And he keeps my look towards heaven. I'm not satisfied with this life, I have a hope that is eternal. And one day I'll hear my little man talk & see clearly and understand. So for now we enjoy the heck out of him & look forward to THAT DAY!!!!

Thank you God for sending me the son You promised to me! He has changed me & opened my heart to love other kids that aren't "perfect" in the world's eyes but perfect in our eyes!

Seth Job Clanton

2011-12-06T11:38:00.002-05:00

Seth is officially on the Reece's Rainbow page "My Family found Me" so I can now publish his picture!!!!! We are looking forward to day that we can hold this little guy and take care of him! Please pray that all the paperwork moves quickly for these two precious children!!!!!

Paper chasing.... still

2011-12-06T09:17:00.006-05:00

Sitting here waiting for our notary friend to come by and redo the last 4 pages on our dossier:) Still waiting for my homestudy, which is waiting for Jon's medical (for some reason they didn't check the paper for an HIV test and it had to be redone) Then we still wait on the USCIS (homeland security/immigration) background. As soon as I get my homestudy in hand, I'm going to be calling my senator to ask for the paperwork to be expiated!

We sent in the commitment pledge of $1000 for Dmitiry/Seth Can't wait until we are officially matched on Reece's Rainbow and are able to put up his picture too!!!

We are working on all the funding, have some letters/emails out, knowing that the God of this Universe will provide for these kids!!!!

This is the most emotional thing I have ever done in my life. We didn't have to be vulnerable and love these kid but we made the choice to and it hurts. It hurts because we care for them and want to take away their hurt and give them love and a full belly, and we can't yet. We have a son like them, we know their vulnerability and needs, probably more than most. It's hard because we know how loving we've taken care of Sam since his first breath. We've taken him to every specialist and tried to meet all his needs and anticipate his wants as he doesn't communicate verbally. So it hurts to think of two children, lost in a dark world with no one to be their parents. Oh God protect them until we can be there for them!

Please pray for them whenever you think of them.

For all you who thought I was a saint...I ain't LOL

2011-12-01T18:27:00.002-05:00

Today has been crazy...got LOTS of work done on the adoption. I'm trying to make sure everything is in for the homestudy, do the USCIS/Homeland Security stuff & the "pre dossier" and the dossier....and raise money ALL at the same time. All are inter related yet separate... Then today the "pre dossier" (for lack of a better term) changed. Well I hadn't done it yet anyhow, I was waiting for the change BUT there came an urgency with the change to get certain documents in. Just so you know getting an adoption document in, doesn't just mean signing it and mailing it...OH NO that would be TOO easy! It means signing it, getting it notarized, faxing it to the agency for approval, getting approved and then sending it to Tallahassee for it to be "apostilled" a fancy name for the notary's seal to be verified ON EACH SHEET OF PAPER!!!! For a charge of course! Then it has to be sent back to us, mailed to the agency and sent to the country!! So I'm stressing!

Then to finish up the paperwork for our homestudy that might be finsihed by Monday I had to drive to Tampa, find the Dept of Children & Families to get our child abuse clearance...(to make sure we haven't been abusing our kids. My son threatened me and told me I had to get him pizza or he'd tell on me lol since he is way bigger than me....)

So I FINALLY find the place and as I'm getting my documents out of the van, a older lady pulls up and tells me "you are in a handicapped parking spot" I said "i know" and just continue getting my stuff. She then told me to move. Ok I sorta lost it at that point and I told her in a slightly louder than normal voice that I have a handicapped child in the car & would she like to see his Florida ID????? THEN she says "lady you don't hae to get all huffy & be rude to me" At that point I reminded her who began the conversation..... She moved. Then I saw her come in the office I was in and go in the employee door....don't you LOVE state workers like that? Reminds me of bratty girls who loved to tell on other children to get them in trouble (and yes I have someone in mind as I write LOLOL)

Anyhow just wanted all my new readers know I'm not always a saint:) What a day!!!!! And I still have stuff to do tonight, I feel like I have a paper to write (even tho it's not that bad) Then Jon & I have early medical appointments in the morning, then I'm sending in our commitment promise on Seth, Steve has to get his bottom braces, we have a ton of stuff to get notarized, faxed and checked. I'm going to wait to over night it to my friend in Tallahassee who is going to walk it through the appostille process and send it back the same day, till I get the homestudy so it can all go together. so many things to come together in the next few days.....

BTW, we did get pizza tonight in Tampa, a Pizza Hut right next to an adult bookstore....what a day!!!! But we are doing it all for two little ones so it's worth it!!!

Good News

2011-11-30T17:15:00.002-05:00

Just a short blog to let you know how things are going. On Monday a dear couple gave us a gift of $1000 towards our adoption. Then on Tuesday a close friend & her hubby gave us a gift of $1000! So today is Wednesday and I'm still waiting for my daily $1000 gift to our adoption:) God is good and so are His people!!!!

Reece's Rainbow has given us permission to commitment to the little boy! They are not confident that we will be approved but we are going to do all our paperwork and pray that the country will grant us favor! I'll be sending in our commitment fee & then I can officially post his picture on here!!!!! We are willing to be his parents if God will grant us the favor of the government !!! Please pray, he's been listed for over 3 years, is in the same mental institution as Sarah and only 5 yrs old. We want to give him a wonderful life with lots of love, something he has never had. We've seen a few pictures of him and he is never smiling...Jon said he can't wait to tickle him till he laughs a belly laugh" We want to bring laughter into his life...pray that we will be able to!!!!!

Doing paper chasing every day. I write a 3 day list at a time and make sure I can mark all the things off on a daily basis for example my list thus far has been....
Monday-
Set up Physicals
write & print the adoption appeal letter
get a copy of deed on property

Tuesday-
Go to Bartow pick up birth certificates & marriage certificates
Balance & enter all transactions on the adoption gifts, make copies and file receipts

Wednesday
Talk to Social Worker
email RR
fill out INS

As you can see somethings require many steps but thankfully I've met my goals for the past 3 days! And still have done all my other chores like laundry , cleaning & eyedrops! Please pray that I can stay focused and get done what I need to do!

Tomorrow I am going to Tampa to find the children & Family office to get our Abuse clearance backgrounds done. I think it will be faster to hand walk it through!!!!

So right now this is my life....can't wwait till the paperwork is done!!!!

Contacts

2011-11-30T17:09:00.003-05:00

I LOVE getting comments from so many of you and I really want to comment back but for some reason I can't put a comment in my comment section!!! so if you'd like a reply please post me your email address with your comment:) Thanks

To set the record straight.....dedicated to Mr or Ms Annymous

2011-11-26T20:50:00.003-05:00

Mr or Ms Anonymous,

I want to set the record straight for you.....

Adopting a child is not buying a child! Yes there are fees that must be paid to government agencies, there is travel for the family, there are document fees...but it's not buying a child. It's no different than having a child and paying the hospital. It's about the same amount of money. So is birthing a child "buying a child"? Guess so since there is money involved. Guess no one should have a baby then??? Nothing in life is free...there is no free lunch OR FREE child! just remember that!

Adopting can be a wonderful thing for everyone involved. I'm so very thankful I am basically an adopted child. It was a "in family" adoption, my great aunt & uncle took me as a newborn and raised me. We are the proud parents of an adopted child from China. A little boy who was left on the side of the road because he was blind in one eye! He is now a happy, well adjusted , straight A 8 yr old who is so glad we "bought" him! In fact he told me just today "Mom I'm so glad you came and got me!" So put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!! Makes you think about what is important.

Mr or Ms Anonymous, have you ever walked into an orphanage and seen babies lying in one crib after another? Seen your breath because it was so cold in that baby room in January? Maybe if you get off your self satisfied behind and see some of the horrible things in this world, then you might, you just might be moved with compassion to want to rescue a child.

Heck I don't even like going to the pound...should we not have more respect & compassion for a life of a human than an animal??? (And I'm quite the animal lover & rescuer!Pretty sure I've got you beat there too)

Are we glad we "bought" him, glad we chose him over buying a new car? YES!!!! What is a human life worth?

The Bible talks about how Jesus came and bought us, He paid our redemption on the cross. The term "bought" is used throughout the Old and New testament. I'm so glad that Jesus "bought" me out of sin....

So no we don't have $25,000 lying around but check back on my blog in a few months and I can promise you the God of the Universe will provide what we need to go and bring those kids home! And it will be to HIS glory. You can have a hard heart but guess what? One day we will all stand before God and he will ask us what we've done "to the least of them" And that is quoting Jesus.... I want to say I did what He laid on my heart to do and was obedient to it. What about you???

BTW, if you're ever going to post on my blog again, you will have to have a name to do it! Don't be a wuss, if you want to post something nasty, have enough backbone to put your name to it!

In the Middle of a Miracle!

2011-11-20T07:57:00.005-05:00

In the middle of a miracle is where we are right now!

Just to put this story in perspective....Let me give you all the details....

A few weeks ago someone posted a blog on FB about a family adopting a very special needs child who had been malnourished terribly. I read their story with horror! This child is 9 yrs old and weighs about 12 pounds....She is safe and now with her family thank God! You can read their story at http://theblessingofverity.com/ The mom mentions Reece's Rainbow in her blog. I looked on there....it's a ministry that is not an adoption agency but they help people find international Special Needs children to adopt. I,of course searched for blind kids, and find several, one who looks JUST like Sam. Her head was shaved so I thought she was a little boy...she had already been transferred from a baby orphanage to a mental institution. I clicked off and went to bed. The image and the awfulness of the whole thing just weighed on my mind and I cried out to God for that child and the 2 other ones who had caught my eye. That night I found it hard to sleep! After that I didn't go back to that website. It was too real, that child looked so much like Sam all it did was make me think of how awful Sam's life would be if he was in that type of situation.

So a few weeks went by and then it was the first Sunday in November, official Orphan Sunday. Our sweet church took up an offering and I thought I'd look back on Reece's Rainbow and find that child and put the money on her for a grant (that's RR's ministry, people can give to that child, for his/her adoption- it's called an adoption grant so even if you can't adopt that child you can make it easy for someone else to adopt him/her) So I found those three children again and realized Genesis was a little girl not boy despite her shaved head. That was the afternoon of November 6th, just two weeks ago! We didn't quite have $300 from the offering so I sat there that afternoon and felt inspired to raise the money needed for all three of them to have full adoption grants! I even shared with some of our congregation that night at a small group about it! On Tuesday I spoke to the director of RR and told her several times we were NOT thinking of adoption....just wanted to raise money for these children! By Wednesday/Thursday we WERE thinking of adoption!!!!!!! By last Friday we had committed in our hearts to adopt her. I emailed the director back sure that by this time she thinks I'm some crazy, half baked person who is wasting her time!!!! She asked if we had the money for all the up front costs, about $3000...I told her yes but honestly in our checking account we had about $82 to last a week.... I wasn't lying, I think she phrased the question like" Will you have the up front money?" Well I knew God could do it if He was in it!

So one of my friends encouraged me to ask for donation on FB. I did without giving hardly any details this past Monday...by Thursday $2004 had come in, just what we needed for the Reece's Rainbow fees, the home study & some background fees! Our social worker had a cancellation and was able to see us on Friday and we sent in all the paperwork, some to local law enforcement and some to Reece's Rainbow! Saturday morning I woke up to a ton of emails and the official notice we were pre approved by RR! They had put our story up on their new family page and the emails started coming! Several families had been so touched by her plight that they'd prayed about taking her but it just wasn't to be for them! One family wrote the sweetest blog and prayer for her ON THE VERY SAME DAY I called RR to tell them we wanted to raise money for her... That family saw on RR that we had committed to her and called me yesterday and have pledged to send the money for the INS fees, something we need to get in this month! They'd been praying for her! Read their blog at http//adoptionbeginnings.blogspot.com/2011/11/genesis.html ! It will blow your mind!!!!!! My husband is reading their blog at the prison and our church this morning! God never forgot her!!!!!

Then they tell me of a woman who has been paying for someone to go in the institution and take care of her and another little boy on an individual basis! WHAT???? I got to talk to her last night and I'm just blown away by how God put Sarah on so many people's heart! she was never forgotten by the God of this Universe.....We are so thankful!!!!!!

This all is so holy & precious...please know we are not saints or angels(especially not me) but we are willing servants...who are saying YES! to God's plan for our lives and for her life! We have Sam, we know what to expect, we know we need to be prepared to see that she has life long care...we're not looking through rose colored glasses here...But it is all done "as onto the Lord" In God's sovereign plan for our lives, He allowed Sam to be born...that changed our lives & focus...then He allowed us to adopt Shad & change his life from living in a sad, cold orphanage in China. Now He has opened our eyes to this child who is need of a family who can cope with her medical/physical/mental issues....we have our PhD in "Samology" LOL, so we are prepared by Sam for her diagnosis and prepared by Shad for the experience of adoption:)

We feel she has Peter's Anomaly and our dear Dr A does too. I sent him the pictures we have and all he said was "When are you bringing her??" We LOVE him!!! He feels she will be able to be help visionally just like Sam was by the corneal implant!!!!!!!

This post has probably been the most important post I've ever written. I want to stress how we feel we are walking "in the middle of a miracle" at this moment! I'm not one who has to go on "feelings" but I sense the nearness of God, the preciousness of His spirit, right now in such a holy way. I just want to die to myself and do His will!

I almost hesitate in sharing this next little bit but.....there is a little boy , at the same institution, turning 6 yrs old in December, Dmitriy....he almost surely has Peter's Anomaly too. We have not committed to him but we are doing our homestudy & INS immigration for TWO children...it would only be about $5000 more to adopt him too. We are praying about it, it could make a real difference in his little life for eternity. I'm sure he'd be a candidate for eye surgery too (won't Dr A love us bringing all these little ones in to see him???) We are open to adopting him if we could be approved by that government. Again we are not saints or anyone special...we are just doing what we can do to serve God. Because of Sam, there are things we can't do like travel the world and be missionaries or do crusades like Billy Graham...but there are things we can do that others can't do because of our experiences..... When we stand before God, we want to know we did all we could while on this earth to reach others. I think of the story of the little boy who was running down a beach, frantically tossing starfish back into the sea so the heat of the sun wouldn't kill them. An old man said "hey kid, you can't save them all" the little boy said as he picks up another one "no but I can save this one" That is how we feel...we can do our part to touch little lives and love them so they know they have a family who loves them

So if you'd like to be a part of this you can give through our church, it's tax deductible... Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills Fl 33540 or you can give to Reece's Rainbow, we won't get the funds till we travel but that's fine. http://reecesrainbow.org/28647/sponsorclanton

To be on the safe side we probably need to raise about $22,000 especially if we adopt this little guy too. We will also need expenses to go to NY for their surgeries and all the out of pocket fees for their surgeries...But God is so faithful, I know He will provide!!!!!

BIG NEWS!!!!

2011-11-15T11:12:00.003-05:00

What a difference a week makes....a week ago I wrote how we are raising money to help put grants on three orphans to help families adopt them...well this week I'm writing that we have committed to one of them!!!!!!!

I've found when I listen closely to what God is telling me to do, sometimes it's shocking! I called the ministry on Monday or Tuesday and told the lady our plans to help out the orphans. She was happy of course. I told her several times we were NOT adopting just helping out.... By Thursday Jon and I were talking about adopting....I was scared, a few years ago we tried to adopt a blind baby from India. We had all the fees paid, waiting for travel when we found out she was completely deaf! At that time, Sam was still in and out of the hospital and we did not feel we could handle the situation so we backed out of the adoption. It was awful and I have ALWAYS felt guilty about it! All the fees that we had paid in remained on her account and one great thing happened, an English christian couple fostered her in India and ended up adopting her. Because we had started the process of adopting her, that agency had found a foster home for her to help her learn to live in a family. So I feel God used us to help her anyhow & it even paid some of her fees. But it was a terribly traumatic situation for us/me. It was like a miscarriage to me. So that has always been in the back of my mind.

Of course now as we have had more experience with Sam (who has some hearing loss) I feel that I could cope with whatever happens with this new adoption. We are assuming she will be as delayed as Sam is and are prepared for that. If she is not, then we'll be thankful. When we adopted Shad, we thought he was COMPLETELY blind. All the paperwork had that on it...then I got him at the orphanage and found he was ONLY blind in one eye. Big difference & what happiness we had about that!

International adoption is not safe nor is it easy. You don't know much about the child and just have to go on faith. We are committed to this child no matter what issues/diagnosis she has. I can't share anymore info about her until we have all our pre approval paperwork in so I'll soon be able to give her name and show her picture.

Please pray that God will provide the funds. We of course have no savings but God hears the cry of the orphans and I know we experienced miracles of provision in Shad's adoption and in the other adoption that didn't work out (but God still used our willingness) The funny thing is in that adoption, we actually had the money for it and some folks did give but we could have probably scrimped and done it ourselves- with Shad and this one, we have NO resources to do it!!! But God is able If you 'd like to give our address is Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills, Fl 33540. You can give through our church just mark clearly it is for the Clanton adoption & you will get tax credit at the end of the year. thank you

Here are the three children

2011-11-07T16:54:00.002-05:00

http://reecesrainbow.org/3145/dmitriy114

http://reecesrainbow.org/11275/genesis118
http://reecesrainbow.org/11275/genesis118

http://reecesrainbow.org/853/michelle-6

Sorry I can't get the pics to post but you can go and look at them. Please help these kids!!!!

Stepping out in Faith!

2011-11-07T15:15:00.004-05:00

Since having Sam, my world has, been turned upside down in a good way! The reality of the sancity life is greater and the reality that life is precious for EVERYONE has been seared into my heart by this special and perfect little boy! I wouldn't trade this journey for anything in the world.

When Sam was little we came across a picture of the child that would become our newest family member, Shad. When we saw his sweet but sad picture we knew God wanted us to adopt him. Thankfully at the time, we didn't know how delayed Sam was going to be and we stepped out and adopted Shad. Looking back I think if we'd known all of Sam's issues, we'd probably been too overwhelmed to adopt another child. But thankfully we listened to God and moved forward & despite everything that was against us, in only 9 months, we had raised all the money, got all the paperwork done and had our son!

Again I feel God is telling us to step out in faith! Not to adopt ourselves but to raise money to help other families adopt. What is the one thing that keep many Christian families from adopting? Finances!

Yesterday was World Orphan Day. Our church took up an offering to give to a ministry Reece's Rainbow that coordinates adoptions & grants for special needs kids. So I spent the afternoon trying to figure out which child to put our $248 on....I couldn't pick just one, instead I picked THREE!!! Of course $248 is NOT going to go far on three children's adoptions! So as I was looking at the pictures, my heart heavy, my head throbbing, I felt God speak to my heart to raise the money for these three visionally impaired SN kids to get adopted AND to help find families to adopt them!!!!! The ministry doesn't raise money for some of the start up adoption cost like the home study so I'm figuring I'd need to raise around $60,000 maybe a little less. Two of the three children have already been placed in institutions, not orphanages so you can imagine how bad it is for them. They are all younger than Sam. How heartbreaking!!!!

So I'm ready to see God start doing miracles for these orphans! I saw what God did for Shad and I know he loves these three children just as much! Please pray and please consider giving. It doesn't matter if it's only $1 anything helps! God gave me so much faith when we adopted Shad and I believe He can do it again! I feel all trembly inside and rather foolish at this time BUT GOD is so much bigger than me or my silly pride of failing. I remember when we signed the paperwork for Shad accepting his file, I felt like a FRAUD! We had NO money and a sick baby BUT GOD came through in such a mighty way!!! I'm feeling kinda like a fraud right now...no money, lots of bills $60,000 is alot BUT GOD can do it! I'm just gonna do my best and let God work on the behalf of these children! They NEED homes!!!!! I think of how much we love Sam and how we want to meet all his needs and love on him so he knows he has a mommy & daddy and then I think about these lonely children, stuck in beds,in orphanages/institutions with no one to love them or to hold them....oh my God it breaks my heart!!!

So pray about how you can help these children. I will be putting up their pictures soon as well as figuring out the best way to send in the monies. I think at this point we'll just run it through our church, so if you want to give, please make your check out to Grace Church 7060 Berry Road, Zephryhills Fl 33540, mark Orphan ministry and you will get tax credit for it.

Please pray for them that God will soothe their hearts and keep them safe until their forever families come and get them! Dmitriy, Michelle and Genesis need someone to care for them!!!!

What is a child's life worth?????

2011-09-23T20:56:00.005-04:00

Our first picture together

Shad on the day he was found abandoned & was taken to the orphanage...he looks so sad

The first picture we saw of Shad

Shad today surrounded by some of his birthday presents

Today we were driving home and swerved to miss a turtle. I wanted so badly to get him out of the road but it was too dangerous & it literally hurt my heart as I said a prayer for him to get safely across....ok I'm weird, I save spiders, frogs, all kinds of bugs....but I hate for anything to die!

So tonight again I read a blog of a family who was blessed with a daughter with Downs and is in the process to adopt another little girl from a country that has to remain unnamed at this time. The little girl they are adopting is 9 years old and weighs about 12 pounds. Yes you read correctly...less than 12 pounds!!! WHY??? Because she has been on a starvation diet for years. Not just her but many children in that country. I want to save children like that!!!!!

When we adopted Shad, he was not in good shape. In fact our pediatrician said he was the 2nd sickest international child he'd ever seen. Shad was 2 yrs old, weighed 19 pounds (that was after being fed by me for over 2 weeks in China), had worms & was in the beginning stages of malnutrition. Our peds said that if we hadn't adopted Shad, he'd probably would have ended up getting some type of sickness & wouldn't have had the strengh to fight it and would have died. That's an overwhelming feeling knowing that you stepped into a situation (God lead you into a situation) and a child's life was probably saved! It's very humbling.

So tonight I want to share with you this blog www.theblessingofverity.com Go there, let your heart be moved.....

Then go to http://reecesrainbow.org and see the pictures of some of these kids who need to be rescued!!!

I read a statistic somewhere that if every christian family would adopt one orphan, then there would be no orphans left in the world. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing????

Some people ask me why not adopt from the USA? There are needy kids here BUT we have a social support group in place here that might not be perfect but I can promise you with 100% certainty, that chances are the child will not die here! Sure there are the weird foster family who are awful here & there but thankfully most of them get caught! In other countries .....you have no idea unless you've walked in to a dirty stinky orphanages in the middle of winter & you could see your breath in the air...INSIDE THE CHILDREN'S ROOMS!!!!!!!! That's where my son was living!!! And compared to some of the stories I've recently heard, he had it better than most....

When I hold Sam our biological son with SNs and I think of what his fate would have been had he been placed in one of those places....my stomach literally drops with fear! Oh my God...there are so many little Sam's & Shad's out there who need homes!!

So if you are thinking of adopting, think internationally. You can go back & read our story...we had NO money, God supplied everything! I believe when you obey God by trying to take care of the orphans...God will take care of YOU! And He will provide for their care! If you just can't adopt....give to someone who is. I can put you in contact with several wonderful families... What is a child's life worth??

So I still hope Mr Turtle made it safely across the road but I PRAY that God will touch hearts who will go and adopt children who need a mom and a dad!

Leave it There

2011-09-18T22:12:00.000-04:00

Leave It There- thoughts on my 46th bday

2011-09-18T20:29:00.002-04:00

Today our music minister sang one of my favorite songs. He sang it specifically because it was my bday. The words of the song's last verse had us rolling on the floor....

"When your youthful days are gone, and old age is stealing on, And your body bends beneath the weight of care, He will never leave you then, He'll go with you to the end: Take your burdens to the Lord & leave it there"

He realized it right before service as he was practicing it real quick. Thankfully it was before service & we were able to somewhat behave ourselves during the service LOL!

But to me the song "Leave It There" copyright 1916 speaks so loud to my heart!!! It was written & arranged by Charles Albert Tindley. Let me share the verses with you ....

"If the world from you withhold of its silver & its gold & you're forced to get along with meager fare. Just remember in His Word how He feeds the little bird, take your burdens to the leave & leave it there

If your body suffers pain & your health you can't regain, And Your soul is almost sinking in despair. Jesus knows the pain you feel, He can save & He can heal, take your burden to the Lord & leave it there

When your enemies assail & your heart begins to fail. Don't forget that God in heaven answers prayer. He can make a way for you & will lead you safely thro: Take your burden to the Lord & leave it there

When your youthful days are gone, and old age is stealing on, And your body bends beneath the weight of care, He will never leave you then, He'll go with you to the end: Take your burdens to the Lord & leave it there

Leave it there Leave it there Take your burden to the Lord & leave it there. If you trust & never doubt He will surely bring you out, take your burdens to the Lord & leave it there!"

Love that song! Doesn't it address almost every problem we have in life? Then it reminds us to take it to the Lord & leave it there. The writer wrote these words almost 100 years ago but they ring as true as something written just this afternoon!

so I encourage you to take your burdens, whatever they are, to the Lord & leave them there!!!!

http://youtu.be/Bpi0xw20isQ

Niagara Falls

2011-09-17T18:54:00.002-04:00

I just love Niagara Falls & I love this picture of me & Jon:) I think it is one of the most beautiful places in the world. What a perk that we have to go to Rochester NY every year for Sam's eye check up... We've been to NF 4 times now & I just don't tire of it. It's magical to me...a preview of heaven. It's one of my favorite places on earth!

September 11, 2001

2011-09-09T21:31:00.001-04:00

A post on Facebook :If you asked me if I remembered what I did last Tuesday, I couldn't tell you. But if you asked me if I remembered what I did 10 years ago on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, I could tell you exactly what I was doing. REPOST THIS for our fallen heroes and let's NEVER FORGET!

Is that true or what? I'll never ever forget....

Jon & I lived and worked in NYC during the 90's as staff at Teen Challenge & City Church. I loved NYC. My oldest son was born there at St Luke's right off Central Park. I lost my twins there also at the same hospital. Some of the best & some of the worst of my life experiences happened while we lived there. I have a special love for anything NYC...always have. Did my college internship at Metro Assembly of God, a church/outreach in the middle of Brooklyn 1986. I've rode the subways all over the city, love that place......

That morning of 9/11, I like so many others who lost their lives that day, was just doing my job. I was interviewing a detainee at the detention center & a staff mentioned to me as I was leaving to go back to my office that a small plane had just hit one of the Twin Towers. I turned the radio on in my car as I was driving back & called my husband who wasn't at work yet. He was working as a chaplain at Arcadia- Desoto Correctional- and wasn't leaving until 10 or so to go there. As we were talking on the phone, the second plane hit!

I hurried into my office, telling staff as I went that something was going on as we all hurried in to the break room & turned on the the old tv that sat on top of the fridge...The buildings were smoking...we were all in shock, except for one idiot I worked with who began saying STUPID stuff. ( you always have an idiot in the bunch) as she was saying ridiculous things, the first tower started to fall. Up until that point, I was trying to keep my composure but I just started crying & saying "Jesus be with them" as I knew thousands were dying in that moment....and it was a holy moment. After the first tower fell & the idiot girl kept talking, I turned on her & told her to shut the h___ up!!! One friend later told me she thought I was about to sock her in the mouth!

Then in sorrow we watched the 2nd tower fall....my heart just broke! All I wanted to do was to go pick up my son from school & go home to be safe. We didn't know what else was going to happen as we were beginning to see images of the Pentagon & the newscasters were saying there were more airplanes up in the air with problems....

(I find out later that my son's kindergarten teacher's husband was supposed to be on the plane that hit the 2nd tower...he missed it...)

We began getting all kinds of calls/emails etc...remember I was a probation officer...we didn't know if the state was targeted...who knew what was happening?

Finally Governor Jeb Bush told all non essential workers to go home. I was already out the door. At that moment the only essential thing I was, was Steve's mom! I rushed to his school, got him & went home. I put him in the living room of our little townhouse, turned on Scobby Doo & went in our bedroom to watch continuing coverage....

That night our church had, along with so many others, a special prayer service. It seemed all of America was turning to the God of the Bible for comfort, for help...I even remember our local Hooters had up on their sign "Pray for the USA". I remember thinking "it's bad when HOOTERS is telling folks to pray!!!"

What an horrific terrible time that we all went through as a country. Our hearts were broken, I think because so many of the stories were about average people, like you or me, going about their day, never knowing that some crazy Muslim killers were going to take their lives that day! I hate the men who did it! I get a sense of satisfaction that they are burning in hell. If I'm wrong, so be it!

For me Flight 93 that went down in the field in rural Pennsylvania spoke the strongest to my heart. Here these brave men & women were beginning to understand something MAJOR was going on & they tried with everything within them to make a difference! They didn't save their lives that day (and so many times I have wished somehow that they did!!) but they saved so many others...what heroes!!!!

I wish we could all go back to September 10, 2001 and everything was fixed...somehow the government stopped the terrorists and no one ever knew the extent of what could have happened...but we can't go back...we can only go forward.

As we see the foolishness that is going on with the various 9/11 remembrances, it's a slap in all of our faces, especially the men & women who died on that day. We all cried out to God then, now there's "no time" to do so in the remembrances. That day, the police, fire & rescue folks came Uninvited & GAVE their very lives, now there's no room for them....what a mess! But even all this foolishness can not take away the sacredness of that awful day...May we never let our hearts grow hard nor forget that awful day....

<

End of Summer

2011-08-03T09:23:00.005-04:00

I thought that was a fitting title as I wrote a blog at the begining of summer:) What a GREAT summer we've had!!!

Steve did tutoring & has gotten (or will have got by Thursday) a FULL math credit! He also finished what his school calls Word Building/Etymology books for good! He also did his Drug & Alcohol Class on on line to get his driver's license & is doing the practice tests to get ready to do the test on line. And he finished a grueling 8 week Trilation class & was schedule to do a Tri last weekend but it got postponed till October. So he has been so productive this summer! WOOHOO!

Sam was blessed to get lots of hours of therphy this summer from the school board. I didn't even have to fight for it! What's up with that? He got his fav teacher Ms Heather for speech & a new male teacher Mr David for VT/Academics. It was all done at home & went well.

Shad had a a regular 7 yr old boy's summer! Yeah!!! He loved all our beach trips. We tried to go to the beach almost every Friday (Jon's day off) We rediscovered our love for Honey Moon Island! WOW! Is that a great beach or what? We also went to Green Key off New Port Richey. Sam can't go in the pool but thankfully we can take him in the ocean although we avoid getting him spalshed (eye infection)

Next week we are headed out on an adventure! Sam has his appointment with Dr Aquvella in Rochester Ny so we are off on a road trip! We drive for several reasons, it's cheaper & I HATE to fly!!!!! No, one main reason is Sam has glaucoma 7 an artificial cornea & given that his pressure could go up, it's probably the best idea to drive....So we have a trip planned!

First night we are driving to Chattanooga Tn & the next morning going to Lookout Mt! Jon & I went there years ago & took my grandmother. We're also gonna SEE RUBY FALLS & SEE ROCK CITY! Next day we are driving to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky! I went there once in college. It will be fun to take the kids thee, they are hoping for bats! LOl! Then we drive on to Niagara Falls, spend the night (get to see it at night ) & the next day before hitting Rochester & the wonderful Ronald McDonald House!!!!!! I can't say enough about RMH in rochester, they are wonderful:)

Saturday we are going with some dear friends from college Dan & Charlene Wallenbeck to Letchworth State Park south of Rochester. We went there a few years ago & it is almost as pretty as NF! Sunday Jon is preaching at one of our snowbird's ( couples who come down here for the winter) church. Then we are going on a picnic & seeing a Lighthouse on Lake Ontario! Monday we'll actually slow down as Sam has appointments and Tuesday he has his exam under anesthesia ( EUA). I'm so nervous, it's been 9 months since his last exam & that is the longest he has ever gone. Praying that all is well. Everything looks ok to me but things can be wrong, pressure could be up...but we think all is well...I can't help it, some fear clutches my heart when I know an exam is coming!!!!!

We also get to meet a family who adopted a little girl with Peter's from China. she will be having the kpro (cornea implant) done right after Sam's exam. We have corresponded back & to with this sweet family & are praying that Abby will get the gift of sight! So glad we could be a little part of it!

If all goes well we'll leave on Wed morning & drive to Philly to spend some time with some dear friends we worked with in ministry in NYC! George & Ruth Valco! And we'll get a tour of Philly, none of us have ever gone there so we're excited! We'll be there a couple of days then back home & back to school! We may miss the first day of school...oh well I'll make sure they get some good history lessons in Philly!!!!

Although we are going in a more indirect route, it's coming out to about the same amount of miles...how weird is that? Glad that on this trip we don't have to drive I-81 at all! I HATE that road!!!!!!!

And our neice Anna is coming with us:) YEAH we are gonna show her a good time...of course she is gonna need a vacation when she gets home! We kinda don't go for relaxing trips:)

So pray that all goes well on this LOOOOONG road trip & that all goes well with Sam! I'll probably be more likely to post on his caringbridge site...Its www.caringbridge.org/visit/samclanton

Personal Responsibility & Honesty

2011-06-25T10:31:00.005-04:00

Where has Personal Responsibility gone to??? In today's world, everything is someone else's fault. If you gain weight, it's McDonald's fault, if your kids are a mess it's their friend's fault, If you get caught doing something wrong (like Weiner) it's the media's fault for catching you.....it goes on & on....If you've been told to evacuate your town because there is a hurricane coming, and you don't, it's the government's fault....if you're depressed & can't work it's someone's fault & the government should pay you to stay home....

Personal Responsibility does anyone take responsibility for their own lives anymore????? Between the news, reading facebook & blogs...I feel like slapping somebody! But they made me do it Officer.... Remember the old show where the guy would say "the devil made me do it"?

I absolutely HATE how the world & America is becoming! Few people have personal integrity. I can think of a few people who if they say they are going to do something, they will do it come hell or high water. They take respondsibity for their actions & even to some degree for their families' actions. Isn't that how we are supposed to be?

Quit the blame game!!!! Everything is someones else fault....Nope that is not true. YOU are responsible for yourself. Between being a minister's wife for 22 years & spending 13 years working as a probation officer, I think I have heard every excuse under the sun! People blaming other's for their horrible lives....GET OVER IT!!!!!

Life is life, you get ONE time around. If you want to screw up your life by wasting it blaming others & circumstances for your crappy life, go for it! I absolutely chose not to do that!!!!!!!

I think I can say this because if you knew my background I've got plenty of reason to whine! Not too many people can top my background, growing up years & personal tragedies. But I don't blame the past or other people for my actions. I can look at things objectively & realize why I've done some of the things I have done because of my past but I don't blame my past! There have been times in the past when I blamed circumstances on why I was doing something & even gave myself permission to do things because I was angry...but I learned from that ! I'm not saying I'm healed or perfect at all but I am saying if I can get past the past, you can too!!!!!

Recently we had an issue with one of our kids. I was talking to someone about it & she suggested it happened because of a friend. (don't get me wrong I know that "bad company corrupts good morals") but in this case, I didn't buy it at all! I feel it was my child's fault for his actions. In his favor he didn't blame anyone else & did take responsibility & is facing the consequences. That is what I want to teach my kids!

People be responsibility! Get back to some values. Quit being wishy-washy! Say what you mean & mean what you say!

There is something inside me that makes me be responsible even when I don't want to be! Sometimes I wish I could shut it off to be quite honest. I'm not trying to toot my own horn and maybe I have too big of a dose but there are some folks I'd like to give a dose to! I can promise you that if I say something, I'll do it or at least try my best to do it even if I don't necessarily want to do it! That's just who I am. And I take responsibility for my actions. I'm not perfect but I won't hide behind an excuse either. If I do something wrong, I pray & ask God to forgive me & I try & make it right if it pertains to another person. Unfortunately I have a a very hard time lying. LOL not that I'm a saint, sometimes a half truth might be better than the whole truth. But for some reason I can't do that either. A friend of mine called me "honest to a fault" LOL that's usually what gets me in the most trouble is my honesty. I tend to say the things most people won't. Not to be mean to someone but just to be real about a situation, even if the honesty reflects badly on me.

Did you ever see that movie "Liar Liar"? I think that was the name. Anyhow this guy is a lawyer & a terrible liar, something happens & he can't lie anymore. Everything that comes out of his mouth is the truth even when he doesn't want it to be. I feel quite like that much of the time! LOL I just can't be a social liar! I don't get it, can't understand it but...that is just me! I try to stay silent when I possibly can but many times, I can't stay silent! So if you don't want the truth, don't talk to me about your life. I have a minor in counseling but I can tell you I am NOT a counselor!!! I think I've seen so much in my life, so many horrible examples that it is hard for me to stay quiet. I can restrain myself if you don't talk to me about something but if you do....well.... We all think we are unique creatures but I hate to tell you "there is nothing new under the sun" Your life story is often quite like someone else's & your problems are no different than any other's. Your circumstances or location may be different but the human patterns are all so the same old, same old! So when I see someone rushing headlong into a situation I've seen happen over & over again, I want to stop them. But I have learned something over the years, I can't change anyone. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna deliver my heart to them & tell them what I think if I'm engaged in conversation but people tend to have to make mistakes for themselves. Sometimes they continue making the same mistake over & over again before they learn if ever.....I feel I have a respondibity in my sphere of influence to share God's truth & real life applications with others but only that person can change their lives by submitting to God on the spiritual level & following Godly patterns in the practical level.

All my years of working with delinquents showed me how so alike we humans are....I still shared with them about how the path they were on would end up, that was my moral & ethical duty but I can't say it made any or much of a difference. Most of them had to hit the rock bottom I told them about before they ever wanted a real change in their lives. I see the same thing today with people I deal with. If you keep making worldly choices, then you are gonna reap what you sow! It's a principal that is true in my life & in yours too! I've made my choice to live as close to God's word as possible to ensure that I nor my family will wind up shipwrecked! I've seen so many many many lives shipwrecked...it scares me! i don't want to end up like that nor will I!!!! I have the confidence I won't because of the choices I've made. I can't say my kids will never get in trouble or go out in the world but I can promise you that Jon & I will make it hard for them to get there! We will stand in their way! What I mean is we stand in their way by watching who they hang out with, where they go, what they listen to, what they watch on tv....we are not permissive. I can promise you I'll never give my kids a drop of alcohol, or a cigarette, or allow a girlfriend over to spend the night or even to hang out at our house.... they won't be watching bad movies in our home. I can't make their choices for them but believe me until they are old enough to take the responsibility for their choices, we're gonna help them with those choices!!!

I feel like we need to "man up" & do the right thing even if it's tough. Take responsibility for your actions & life. Be a person who is dependable. I sitting here thinking of all my friends & family, and folks I know, and I hate to say it there are alot of folks who I don't really think of as being dependable. Some are dependable to be undependable....truth hurts....

I want to be a person of integrity that is known to be who & what she says she is. Not perfect but responsible & truthful. I don't want to blame (in my case) Pepsi & Pizza Hut, cause I'm not a size 5! I also do NOT have hormonal problems!!!! Can I just say here for the heck of it...Do NOT tell me you have an hormonal imbalance & can't lose weight while you are eating doughnuts, sitting on the couch watching a soap opera!!!!!! Quit blaming everything & everyone but yourself!!!!

And I really hate the blame game in the church world! The devil did NOT make you do it! A scripture that gets misquoted all the time is "God will not give you anymore than you're able to bear..." People tell me that verse ALL the time & ALL the time I correct them!!! They look at my situation with Sam & think they are being comforting by telling me God won't give me any more of a burden than what I'm able to bear but the Bible doesn't promise us that anywhere! It's actually from a verse in 1Corinthians 10:13 which reads "No temptation has over taken you except such as is common to man but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear but with the temptations will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it" So basically don't blame your sin on God or anything in your life because if you trust in Him, He will make a way of escape from that temptation! So whether the temptation is anger, overeating, sex, whatever...He will make a way of escape. YOU have just got to take that way of escape! The bible tells us to FLEE youthful lusts, FLEE fornication and the principle is there to FLEE any kind of sin!

I love what a pastor friend said one time as several of us were discussing, via a text, alcohol consumption..." No no never, give place to the devil"! So don't give any place to the devil in your life, man up, be responsible & do right!!!!

SUMMER!!!!

2011-06-23T13:25:00.002-04:00

Yeah it's summer, school is out (sorta) around here!

Steve is doing an Algebra class to make sure he gets all his maths for high school-he needs 5! He goes 3 days a week. We hope he will get ahead & be able to do college courses his senior year. He is also working on getting his Driver's License. He is almost finished with that class...Yikes! He started training for a Triathlon at the YMCA. he goes 3 days a week & is doing great! His last timed 1 mile run was 8:14! Woohoo! I told him it is the summer of Steve with all his activities!

Sam has summer services through the school board. His wonderful speech teacher comes for 1 1/2 hours a week & he gets VT/academics for 4 hours a week. I've also started him at a low vision clinic where he gets 2 hours bi weekly. And he just got an evaluation for Ot & PT just got to get him a place to go to. So he has remained busy!

Shad is enjoying summer with no stress:)

We will be taking Sam to NY for an exam probably in August. We are probably not going to be taking him to Miami anymore. We feel it is better to see the doctor who is an expert in PA/Kpros...long story....But we are looking forward to our trip, seeing all our dear friends who live in the Rochester area & doing some fun things while we are there!

We hope to also have a real family vacation. We had hoped to go to the Grand Canyon but that doesn't look like it's gonna happen. We will have our NY trip & hopefully a week somewhere in Florida on a beach maybe St Augustine....We are trying to take advantage of our close beaches weekly! Why live in Florida & not go to the beach right???? Sam is not allowed in a pool, he could get an eye infection but the salt water is ok although of course we are so careful with him!

All the work is done on the church & it looks great!!! So glad it is beautiful & so glad it is finished!!!

So life has remained busy but all is well:)

RAPTURE~End of the World????

2011-05-21T13:21:00.002-04:00

So today at 6 pm EST Jesus is supposed to come back & the tribulation begin.....
Do I believe Jesus has his watch set for 6 pm tonight? NO but I do believe He is coming back again!!!!

I wrote this on my Facebook page last night....Just imagine IF the Rapture prediction came TRUE! ONE day it will! It may not (probably won't be) tomorrow But JESUS said He WILL return! What a WONDERFUL day that will be! One day the trumpet will sound, the dead in Christ will be raised & we (believers) who are alive will be caught up to be with the Lord FOREVER!! Comfort one another with these words (I Thes 4)
This guy is a nut who is predicting Jesus's return now at 2am EST but even tho he is a fruit cake he will not prevent the REAL rapture from taking place some day!!! I say get ready spiritually, be about the Father's business & remember that HOPE!!!! And it is my HOPE! Can't wait for that day! I have alot to look forward to, what about you????"

In NYC on the streets of Chinatown you can find $20 "Rolex" watches. Obviously they are fake BUT you can go to some of the expensive jewelry stores in NYC & find REAL Rolex watches. So does the fact that there are street vendors selling fake ones take away from the REAL? NO!

Just because there is a nut setting a date, that does NOT take away from the fact that the REAL rapture will take place! God promised it in his word. Read 1 Thes 4...it's a comfort, a hope for all believers!

I've heard a few dates set in the past before the Internet, facebook but now with all the social medias, it has even got air time on all tv networks! It's caused alot of discussions. God can even use this misguided soul to start folks thinking about the afterlife. Because whether or not the rapture happens in our lifetime or not, we ALL will die one day & stand before God.

One thing has bothered me, the edgy, sharp sarcastic remarks made about this prediction by Christians. While I'll be the FIRST person to say the guy is off (the bible says NO man knows the day or the the time) STILL we should be looking FORWARD to that day!!! In some remarks, it almost seems the person is making fun of the whole idea of the rapture. That bothers me.

I look forward with GREAT Hope to that day! Just think we'll get to see Jesus, be with all our loved ones who are gone before us, be done with the strife of this world...what's not to look forward to???? The Rapture is a wonderful Hope of the believer!!!

I've got dear friends and my TWINS to see!!!!! And I'll get to see Sam healed & whole on that day!!!!! Wow could anything be better than that??? Really??? What is there in this world to hold me? What else could be so wonderful??? It's not an old fable to me. It's a PROMISE that resounds throughout the New Testament!

I think the "old time " Christians understood the hope of glory way better than we do! We have it so easy, no hard labor, pain killers & medicine when we are sick, tv & movies for our past time, cars instead of walking...etc....They knew there was a better place to be. We get so comfortable in our happy every day lives that we do not treasure that hope. A friend said to me one time she didn't get the song "I'll fly Away" an old spiritual...Granted it's not full of deep theological meaning but it was the writer's hope that caused him to write that song.."Some glad morning when this life is o'er, I'll fly away, to a land on God's celestial shore I'll fly away...Just a few more weary days & then I'll fly away...to a land where joys shall never end I'll fly away" That's someone who has known the trials of life & are looking ahead to that day when all will be made right.

I remember in the 80's & 90's when we were all "King's Kids" & the era of big hair & TV evangelists...I was in church & we were told to sing "just a few more HAPPY days & then I'll fly away..." I don't know about you but the days are weary for me. Sure there is lots of happiness & I LOVE my family & the place in life God has me but WHAT can compare to be in Jesus' presence??? NOTHING!

The whole world seems to be crying out right now. The earth is shaking, floods are happening, political turmoil all around....the whole earth groans for redemption ( Romans 8:22 & 23) Many feel in their heart what they can't even express, maybe that is the interest in this whole My 21st rapture date... the earth KNOWS something is going to take place!!

I've never been one to jump on bandwagons but in my heart, I feel that the coming of the Lord is soon! The end of time is at hand, the final prophecies will be fulfilled...are you ready? If not you can be by asking Jesus to forgive you of your sins & begin walking with Him.

Garden & Produce

2011-05-19T22:06:00.003-04:00

Just some pictures of my garden and what I picked today:) Also of my grapevines.

I truly have enjoyed having a veggie garden. This is only my 2nd year & I've learned so much. I never saw myself as any type of gardener. It started with having to clean up the parsonage yard. so I did some flowers for a couple of years. Then I decided we needed to become more self sufficient. So I heard about Square Foot Gardening & started 6 beds last year. The eds were easier for me to deal with. I also did the upside down tomato plants. This year I doubled the garden. I learned so much last year like not to put the big tomato plants in the boxes. They needed room to grow. so this year I did the tomatoes, corn, green peppers hot & mild peppers out in the ground. I covered the ground with a weed tarp & then with mulch to make it look nicer & have less weeds. So I have the 6 beds, 4 upside down plants, 3 fig trees, 4 white grape vines, 1 purple grape vine, an orange tree, a lemon tree & a kiwi vine plus rows of corn, okra, peppers & tomatoes. So much fun:) Plus good healthy veggies & some exercise!

POOP

2011-05-19T20:54:00.002-04:00

Today I found a knot on the side of Sam's neck. It had been there off & on for awhile but after the whole chromonsal deletion thing ~ with Sam having a tumor inhibitor deleted (see Sam's caring bridge page for more caringbridge.org/visit/samclanton ) I was nervous!

So I called on my way to pick up the boys from school. The nurse said to come in, it was a slow day. I had gone walking this morning & between Sam wanting my attention & that I was planning on doing some gardening, I hadn't taken a shower or changed out of my work out clothes. Well I only had 45 min to get there so I figured I'd just run him in...NOT! When we got there, I got lucky & got a handicapped parking spot right in front of the door...(that'll make it even better) I run in & check him in. I NEVER set in the waiting room with him, too afraid of germs. I go back outside to get the kids out of the van & smell something. I took Sam out of his carseat & there is POOP all in it! How did that happen??? I never notice anything on a 45 min drive! Did he poop that quick??? And it's the gooey runny poop!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!

I end up having to carefully undress him, so afraid I'm gonna get poop on his face (have to watch those million dollar eyes) Of course I have NO extra clothes for him! Me, who is usually so organized...the carseat is ruined, tried to clean him up & the car seat & my hands...YUCK! They gave me bags, a gown for Sam to wear, stuff to line the carseat so we could get home....

We saw the doctor & the whole while for some reason, Sam is biting on me. He is happy as a lark , thought everything was the funniest thing in the world. when he gets really happy & sleepy ( it was nap time) he bites, kinda just chews on us....don't ask me why, he just does & there is nothing to do about it. He also thinks it's funny so he is as happy as he can be knawing on me, I look like crap then he poops crazy again in the office, basically chocolate pudding...the poor doctor...

After all that, there was no reason for alarm, thank God! He is fine. Me...totally stressed:) I'm glad I had Steve with me as I went through a BOX of wipes!!! He kept handing me wipes & telling me where I missed it! Did I mention we were right in front of the GLASS doors?????? Just lovely & I looked like something the cat drugged in!!! Good thing I'm not real prideful, I think this afternoon took me down a few notches LOL!!!

I really think the car seat is just beyond redemption! I can't have him in something that I can't get cleaned & I'm not sure about the straps. We have Shad's old car seat but I think I'll buy him a new one. this one is about 3 or 4 years old. When you don't grow, you tend to wear things out! We've gone through 3 strollers (now on his 4th which is a BOB!!! Cost more than my first car but comes with a 5 yr warranty!) He has had the same bed (which was used to begin with) for 7 yrs & I think we're gonna buy him a new crib soon. Anyhow with a little midget, he wears things out & they start looking dingy! Today he was right at 3 ft, & 33 pounds...the size of a small 2 yr old...but it's so sweet to keep my little baby. I pray he never grows physically, makes life easier :) So my little guy kept it interesting again:)

Ray Stevens - Osama (Yo' Mama)

2011-05-16T17:10:00.000-04:00

Bin Laden

2011-05-16T13:56:00.002-04:00

Ok I know this is so far after the whole story but I had to blog about it...

I am glad he is dead! I am not lying in bed at night & worrying about him being in hell either. If that makes me a terrible christian...oh well.....

The night that the news came out about his death, my bro in law called woke us up & told us to turn on the tv. I had goosebumps watching the folks in the streets chanting "USA USA USA!" I didn't hear anything about Bin Laden himself nor did I see anyone buring a Koran or even a picture of Bin Laden (which of course never happened). I just saw the heart of the nation healing after JUSTICE was finally served!!! Bin Laden paid for & instructed his followers to do what they did on Sept 11th to civilians. President Bush made a promise "America is coming for YOU!" It took awhile but America came for Bin Laden!

So the next morning I get on Facebook & I am BLOWN away by the remarks on there!! Probably 1/4 of my christian friends are on there fretting about his demise!!! Maybe I'm just a blood thirsty knuckle head but I couldn't believe the posts & remarks! Wonder if FB existed back in 1945 would we have seen remarks about Hitler like that? I think NOT1 I think folks back then understood the world/Christianity ion a whole different way!!!

I can't help but say this...if you are so worried NOW about Bin Laden's eternal soul, WHY didn't YOU get on an airplane years ago & go look for him to witness to him????

So I made my first remarks without reading anyone else's that morning....then I began reading & I have to say I was rather disgusted by some of the remarks I read!!! Oh the scriptures that were being tossed about...love love love....REALLY???

Read the Old Testament, where the Jews fought & rejoiced as a nation when they won over their physical enemies. Read how the people rejoiced when David killed Goliath Read the book of Revelation where the false prophet & the anti-christ are thrown into hell...

My husband was also shocked over various remarks on Fb. He laughed & said tell them the tory of David & Goliath...David came with 5 stones to give not a tract!!!!

Sure there are scripture about not being glad when your enemy stumbles but anone that has any real biblical training understands that is clearly talking about personal enemies not a national one.

So WHY did some of America's Christians feel they had to react like they did? Is it being PC (politically correct)? Is it because he was a muslim & we all have to be friends? I truly do NOT understand WHY I saw & read some of the posts I read!

God is all about justice. I read one post that so beautifully explained how important it was to rejoice as a nation tha a terrible enemy was gone. I wish I would have copied it, the guy said it so good. He wrote that basically we LONG for justice, we long for the day that all will be made right again, we long for the day God will reign. So that Sunday night was just a small taste of that great day when the devil & his evil demons & all who chose to wreak havoc on this world will be sentenced to eternal hell.

So am I sleepless about Bin Laden's fate? NO! He made his choice many years ago & I am sure he hardened his heart in so many ways over the years. I still have concerns over some things I read that people posted, I can only think they must be misguided kind folks who have sympathy for the wrong person!

Questions...here I go again...

2011-05-16T13:26:00.002-04:00

So I read today a prayer request for a minister who has cancer. He's a great guy, only in his 50's, faithful to the ministry & I HATE that he has cancer!! I've known about it for awhile & it sounds very serious. I've prayed for him & have compassion about his situation.

But today I read a prayer request about him & it bothered me. Not that the person was asking for prayer but that this person believes that the minister's cancer is a direct attack of satan & not God's will for this man's life. I guess I just can't go that far.

Is sickness ALWAYS a direct attack of satan? I believe all sickness, disability, & death is a DIRECT result of the fall of man but not that it is a direct attack at a person by the devil. I can almost understand how someone could think something like that given the theology that is out there but if you look in the bible, it's hard to look at things that way. Is it always God's will that we live to 100 years old? Is it always God's will to heal? I have to say not. I don't understand everything but I KNOW we do not see great miracles in the world today & even if people were being healed every time they turned around, at some point you DIE! I can think of so many who have not been healed of things & died but I can't really think of many who have been healed of great sicknesses. I'm sure some of my Pentecostal/charismatic friends who read this may disagree with me. But be honest, it's just not happening very much. Does that mean that all the folks who died just didn't have "the faith" for their healing? Or did it mean that the ministers who prayed for them just didn't "have the faith"? Or did it just mean we live in a fallen world, life sucks but we are to trust God even when we "walk through the valley of the shadow of death"?

I think God is well pleased with folks who put their lives in His hands & say "tho He slay me, yet will I trust Him" Being a pastor's wife, I've seen how different people approach death. Some have encouraged me by their faith, while others have just made me sad for them & the unrest they had in their lives.

I've faced some tough battles in life but I've never faced cancer & hope I never will but whatever I do face (because I'll face something!- we all do!), I hope I can face it with courage & resolve to trust God no matter what happens.

We all want to be delivered from the fires of life but sometimes we have to walk through them....I don't mean that harshly, unfortunately it's just the way it is... Thankfully God will walk with us! I WISH just because we are christians that nothing bad ever happened to us but I don't see it like that! I used to think like that but I had a huge awakening when I lost the twins & almost my life also...it showed me how shallow & dangerous that type of thinking can be! Not just to the person who is going through the problems, but those who are looking on!

So I do pray for this wonderful man. I pray that God will do a miracle & heal him completely, relieve his pain....that's what I want for his life but I'm not sure what God wants.

Church remodeled

2011-04-06T18:15:00.004-04:00

Well after 5 yrs it is finished:)

As Jon said at the church dedication "When Yvonne & I came to this church, we realized there was alo of work to do..." So from almost day one we've been working on the church buildings. The santucary was the biggest most expensive job. It was a mess so now the santuary is basically all brand new. The sound room & the nursery too. What a job it has been. We were out of the buildng for 4 months meeting in the fellowhip hall. Thankfully a family in our church remodeled it last spring! We moved back into the church in March, it is so beautiful. The whole story how GOD brought everything together is rather remarkable.

I'm not one for cliches' but God birthed a vision for us, we saw the death of the vision then God caused the vision to become reality! At one point, it was hard to see that this remodeling (which symbolically is a rebuilding) would ever take place. BUT IT DID!!! We are so excited about everything that is going on with our church~Grace Church!

Some new pictures from Gatorland 3/11

2011-04-06T17:40:00.004-04:00

We've always loved Gatorland but haven't gone since the little boys came along...we had FUN! It was so hot in the 90's but it was great! Everyone sat on the gators & we did a gator feeding not 5 ft from HUGE gators! I was holding Sam & throwing raw meat with the other hand. I felt like Steve Irwin when everyone got all mad when he was holding his baby & feeding a croc! We have a pic that shows us with our backs to the gators. That was the scariest part!

I've been nominated to the Florida Blind Services board & am being "vetted" for governor appointment. My husband says if these pictures get out I can forget it! LOL Hopefully that is not the case. I'm excited about the possible appointment & hope to get it if it's God's will for me. I feel I can be a loud voice for blind kids!

So all has been good with us & I'm thankful. I want to start back blogging but it's hard to put it in my day. I feel like I'm going all day long, although it is relaxing to me to do the blog.

Hope you like the pictures. It was fun, good memories...made me think of when Steve was 5 o 6 & we had an annual pass. We have so many pictures of him back then. Kinda makes me sad that, that little boy is now taller than me & still growing. I love seeing him grow but it is bittersweet. It's been so sweet to watch Steve grow up & become a man. I'm so proud of who he is becoming but I can still see that little boy running sown the walkways going to see the gators...sniff sniff (yes we went there alot!) But then we have Sam who NEVER grows so I guess I'll always have a baby:)

Sam update

2011-04-06T17:37:00.003-04:00

I want to include my caringbridge page for Sam. I just did an update on him & the finding of our geneticist...It's hard to copy & paste for some reason so I've included the web address if you'd like more info on what is going on with him.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/samclanton

New Year

2011-01-22T16:27:00.004-05:00

Wow I finally have internet connection again after almost one and a half months! It's so good to be able to check my 1000 plus emails, facebook and to get back to blogging! The reason I didn't have internet services was that we're on a satillte being out in the country & it had to be taken down for the church's new roof & with al the delays, we finally just got it put back up today! YEAH!

So it's now 2011! Man the times has flown by, every year goes so fast....I've included my latest posting from Sam's Caring bridge page so you can know what is going on with him....

Wow where have I been?? Our satellite dish was taken down (too early) for a new roof & it took till today to have it reinstalled! We didn't have it reinstalled on the roof this time but rather on a pole in our back yard. I'm glad to be back in the internet world!

Sam has been great, thank God! No problems no sickness!!! We've had a bunch of twice a year specialist's appointments as well as some evaluations. Last week he had a overall evaluation at USF that went awful. The doctor doing the evaluation did not even want to make eye contact with me. It was supposed to be a 2 hour evaluation to determine where he was & what we could expect. It turned out to be a less than one hour slam! She asked some questions and then said that Sam was basically at a 12-15 month age cognitively, profoundly retarded (she didn't even use the new euphemisms) would never talk or do anything beyond what he is doing now. She then went on to criticism me for not fighting him to wear shoes. All in all it was the worst experience I've ever had with him bar none (and that is saying ALOT!!!!)

Was I shocked at what she said? Mostly no- I know my son and where he is but she was so nasty, never touched him never looked at him if she could avoid it....she acted like he disgusted her. He had a psychological last fall when he started school and the evaluator said basically the same thing (except for "this is as far as he'll go") but he said what he said, while holding & playing with Sam. He told me what a joy Sam was and although he had some delays how blessed we were to have him.

I cried all the way home which probably wasn't the best thing to do in late afternoon traffic on I-75!

The next day he had an evaluation with the school's PT as well as a administrator/teacher who was over the academics for SN. They were so sweet to Sam and so joyful about ALL that he can do...what a difference. His new O&M (Orientation & Mobility) teacher is so amazed by him and what he can do DESPITE all his challenges...they were like a balm to my heart!

And that very day Sam learned how to play fetch with our Lab. Now he loves to throw the ball to Brownie & have her bring it back to him...i love it too but he gets doggy drool ALL over him! Yuck!

So we love our Sam no matter what anyone says...he is the best gift to us and we are thankful for his life.

I look back now even after a week and think why did I get so upset? But at the time it really hit me hard!

So Christmas & New Years was great! Lots of time with our family & friends, couldn't have been better! I feel so blessed by God and so happy with the life He has given me!

I am going to be posting much more often now that I have a computer back!!! I've missed writing!!!!

December 2010

2010-12-08T07:55:00.006-05:00

Here are some of our almost 300 Xmas pictures! We had them done by Digital Events photography 863 440 4558 or 352 406 0720. Rick & Linda do WONDERFUL work, so give them a call if you live in the central Florida area! www.digitaleventsphotography.itgo.com

It is a COLD morning here in Florida. Our neighbor had a reading of 24 degrees this morning and we have a heavy frost. Yikes it never gets this cold in early December! Glad I bought us all some warm clothes, just in time!!!!! We don't usually have alot of sweaters & coats none of us but Jon will wear them BUT last winter changed us. It was so cold for so long and this winter looks like it might be the same! LOL I just got a text from my friends to see if I'm going walking with them...NOT! Well I would but I can't take Sam out in this cold! He is still snuggled in his nice warm bed!

So we're are still waiting on the LAST permit in order to begin the church renovation! It should be in this week hopefully! WOW I've learned alot during this process! It's been crazy but I think the end result will be worth it! We were hoping to be done by Christmas but now I don't know but it's ok. We actually are enjoying having church services in our beautiful newly renovated Fellowship Hall. It's been FULL the last few Sundays, I kidded Jon that soon we'd have to go to two services:) I'm so thankful that it was done first! We almost decided to do the church first but I'm thankful a guy in our church stepped up and wanted to do the Hall first, it has worked out so well for us to have it since we've been out of the church for a month thinking construction was imminent! LOLOL! That's what we get for thinking that!

Last weekend Shad got Scarlet Fever & Strep, we're hoping no one else gets it....but the doc told us we'd all been exposed! Strep just keeps going around our school. One family has had it 3x!!! And they have 5 kids! YIKES!

Life has been quiet for us since we got back from NY as far as Sam's health goes. I am in the process of dealing with the School Board regarding Sam's lack of Orientation & Mobility training which is a must for children who are visionally impaired. They have denied him yet again because he doesn't understand the concepts of left right, front, back...Yesterday we had a big meeting and I began the process of "due process" where I will eventually take the School Board to court if they don't' give him the services he needs. At this point I've agreed to a "pre-resolution meeting for next Monday. If they don't meet our requests, we will go further. I feel his "due process" has been hindered and he has been discriminated against because he is mentally retarded. It makes me angry because he needs so much help yet gets so little. Surely he is not the first VI child with delays they have ever given service to!!!!! I HATE the public school system. He has great teachers that come in the home and work with him BUT overall I hate the system. The system does what is best for it m not the child! Well for one little boy that will change! When Sam was born and we realized he had problems, I thought that we'd be surrounded by services....LOL NOT!!!! I've fought for everything he has ever gotten and it ridiculous! I had NO idea how much fighting I'd have to do for everything! Whether it was medical, therapy, school, SSI/medicaid...the list goes on. Not one thing has been easy for us. I can't imagine what some parents do, just give up most likely! It's pathetic! But I will fight for my son the rest of my life, he will get the things he needs!!!!!! It doesn't bother me to fight, I don't mind confrontation when I'm representing my child. And I'm certainly not afraid of going to court! LOL At least all those years as a probation officer/supervisor prepared me for that! So if it has to go that far...that won't be a problem. I didn't mind court when it was for a case and I certainly don't mind it when it's for my child!!! But it's stupid that I have to fight like this! But I've educated myself and I'm ready for whatever it takes. With Sam, I've fought many battles, not all at the same time. His most important has been battles for his eyes and health. At this point, he is stable (thank God) so now it's time for me to get his educational component where it needs to be. I've fought some little fights over the years and he does have some services in place but now I need to get it all in place for him. So here we go.....

Thanksgiving

2010-11-23T09:27:00.004-05:00

At this time of year, I begin thinking about what I'm thankful for....there is so much and I don't mean that as a cliche'! I'm blessed!

These year we have been through some hard times and worries about Sam but we've have friends who have gone through so much heartache this year with sickness & death, job losses, hard times....it makes you realize what is truly important! I think I'm learning that scripture "Rejoice with those who rejoice and grieve with those who grieve" Life is not easy! And if anyone think it is they need their heads examined:) But thankfully God is with us through our Life's Journey wherever it takes us!

So I'm thankful for my family first of all! I'm so glad God gave me a wonderful husband and our three boys! I was lonely for so many years growing up but I love the scripture that says "He puts the lonely in families" God certainly did that for me and sometimes I wouldn't mind a little happy lonely time to myself:) I look at my boys and it amazes me how God gave each of them to us. They are all three a miracle and amazing...I think of Steve & how awful the pregnancy was, and those moments near delivery where we thought we'd lost him....so glad we got him. I think of Shad and how God ordered his steps, and ours to bring him all the way from China to be our son. God was with him even on the day he was abandoned on the street as a baby, whispering that He would bring him a mommy & a daddy. Then I think of Sam, how hard it was to get pregnant and to keep the pregnancy, all the bed rest & uncertainty...his premature birth and all he has faced in his short life. But I'm so thankful for him!

I'm thankful Jon still has a job, although we don't know how long that will last with our new governor who wants to cut the Dept by 50%, somehow I don't think chaplains are high on Mr Family Values agenda!!!! I'm thankful for our cute parsonage out in the woods and all our animals! I'm thankful I learned how to garden this year and am looking forward to doing more next year.

I'm thankful that our church is growing and that our fellowship Hall was redone this year and that work is going on as I type, tearing down the old part of the church getting ready for a remodel that should be done before Christmas! I'm thankful we are doing landscaping! It's rewarding to us, as pastors, to see with our eyes what all is going on! It was a "hard row to hoe" to get to this point but it's been so neat how God has truly supplied what we needed & wanted for the remodel. It's going to be lovely!!!!! I'm thankful we have a sweet church, full of people who love us and each other. No church is perfect but I love how our church has changed over the past 5 years and has become a truly grace filled church, where everyone gets along and has a goal to reach the community & also practically to restore and redo our church campus. When we came here almost 5 years ago, this church was in disrepair in so many ways and to see how far it's come in 5 years is wonderful! Hopefully by the end of the year, it will be physically what we envisioned. And then with everything in place we can with a renewed effort, bring in more folks. Not that a church has to be perfect physically to reach the community but in America, people do have standards and things they look for. Now we will be up to those standards and every building will be a pleasant place physically to worship and learn about God!! But don't worry, no gold faucets in the bathrooms:) Not that grand, just pretty, clean and functional!! I can't wait!

I'm thankful for friends. I have relationships I've had for 20 plus years and they mean so much to me! What a foundation a long term friendship gives you! I think of my BFF Angela who I'm going to get to spend some time with soon. We've been friends for over 30 years!! Wow she knows me and I know her although we don't get to see each other much, it doesn't matter, we're just s close as ever. I'm so thankful for that friendship, it's kept me grounded! My college friends, Jan, Kim, Mary Beth, Meichele, Charlene, Jackie are my closest and all live away except for Jackie but I'm so thankful for them. They also ground me and know me. Even when I see something they post on FB, I smile cuz those are my friends!

And I'm thankful for Facebook and how it's reconnected me with friends from high school and college, work situations and ministry....it's neat to be able to stay in touch with friends and laugh with them.

So who knows what tomorrow holds? I've truly come to the point that I realize how uncertain our lives and fortunes are...we don't know about tomorrow but we know who holds tomorrow and I'm forever grateful to God for His sustaining power over the past year and so thankful that I have that to rely on for next year and the years to come!!!

NOVEMBER

2010-11-23T09:01:00.002-05:00

Wow it's been awhile since I posted last.....Lots of stuff going on with Sam, including a quick trip to NY but everything is good. If you'd like details on his recent issues, go to his caring bridges page @

www.caringbridge.org/visit/samclanton

Can't belive it's almost the end of the year!!! Wow what a year!

Today a crew started tearing down the back walls of our church so the remodel can begin next week. What an expirence bringing this whole thing together! I feel like we've learned so much in the process, pratical as well as spiritual things! How exciting to see God provide for the church's need.

My goal is to get back to blogging more often. I've been dealing with so much with Sam lately and tend to put his info on CB rather than on here but hopefully all is calm for now! So hopefully you'll see me more on here again:)

Angels Unaware

2010-10-15T14:07:00.002-04:00

I always kid my husband about all the animals I take care of and say that they maybe "angels unaware". But I have my own angel story....

I haven't shared this much but maybe I should.....

On our way home from China, the translator dropped Shad and me off at the
airport thinking all was well...BUT the "president" of North Korea was in town
in Guangzhou (think of China as the same as the US~ Shad was from Chengdu ~Las
Vegas...then we flew to Guangzhou~Miami and from there we had to go to
Beijing~New York) So the planes were all grounded...things got crazy in there!
We got bumped off of 3 planes. I finally got us on a plane to fly to Beijing
and realized when we were in the air, there was no way I was gonna make my
contacting flight to the US. I was so alone with a sick baby somewhere over
China. There was no Americans' or English speaking Chinese on the plane...I was
almost in tears, so I bowed my head and prayed that God would help me. I have
never felt so alone in my whole life. No one knew where I was or what plane I
was on at the time....

So when we landed in Beijing only 10 min before th plane was to take off....I
ran out of the plane. A Chinese man asked me if I was trying to get to
Continental for the Newark flight! I said yes and he told me he'd help me. So
we were off running...when we got there they wouldn't let us board at first
although they were grounded with engine trouble. Finally they let us into the
waiting area....where we stayed for 12 hours while they worked on the plane.
The guy who said his name was Peter (lots of Chinese rename themselves American
names) helped me with Shad, brought us supper and found me a phone card I could
buy so I could tell Jon what was going on. We finally boarded at 3 am, as we
boarded I noticed his luggage, HUGE RED bag, since we were late, we had our
luggage put on last. I told him I'd see him in Newark. When we got to Newark
at 3am the next day....our plane was the only group going through luggage,
custom ect...I kept looking for my friend and his ugly luggage...never saw him
again. It was impossible to miss someone as our plane all waited in line
together...maybe 100 or so of us as many chose to take the next day's flight out
instead of going on a plane with engine trouble....

So was he an angel? At first I was just disappointed that I didn't' get to
speak to him and after customs and Shad's middle of the night becoming an
American citizen...I wasn't thinking clearly. As I was telling Jon about him
the next day, Jon got the oddest look on his face and it hit me....maybe God
sent me a Chinese angel to help me when there was no body else....

September

2010-09-30T10:53:00.003-04:00

It's been a busy month, can't believe September is almost gone. Maybe that means the lovebugs in Florida will soon be gone too. This month we said goodbye to a dear friend and church member who died from cancer. Dan was a "stand up " guy. That was my husband's theme at the funeral. Dan stood up for what was right. He was a great guy, an outstanding person and will be missed.

School is going fine for Steve & Shad. Sam is doing good with his teachers. We had some problems this month with the administrators but we got that worked out (mama got her way).

We joined the YMCA and are really enjoying it. I did a stability ball class (there was nothing stable about it) and a yoga class this week. Jon & Steve are playing racquetball daily and basketball too. Steve is still in the process of taking the classes to be allowed on the weight machines. He is looking forward to do them. The little boys go in the nursery and they have a special room for Sam. He didn't do too good in the general population LOL. I don't mind him sitting in the smaller room with the toys by himself, I suggested it cuz I know he'd be happier.

Well that's been our month...looking forward to the fall and some cooler weather here i Florida.

Turning 45 years old!!!!!

2010-09-15T11:30:00.003-04:00

Wow in a few days I'll be 45 years old!! How is that possible? Ive met the requirement to be "middle aged" since how many people actually live to be 90? So probably more of my life is behind me than in front of me...somebody send me some happy pills!!!!

I'm not in some ways where I thought I'd be at 45 years old. I never really thought too much about it, but I know I probably didn't think I'd still be doing diapers and having little kids:) I'm at least happy with the way I look, no gray, I've NEVER had to color my hair (although I know some people who think I do!) I don't have too many wrinkles, I'm in pretty good shape physically, so at least that part is good. I have a great husband who I love now more than ever before in my life. We have a true partnership and friendship. These past almost 7 years of being Sam's parents have made us grow closer together. But we're not dependant on each other either...I LOVE where we are at! I love being a mom to my 3 boys and I love the different stages of their lives that we go through. Right now it's fun to be a mom to a teenager and participate vicariously in his life:) I love seeing what our oldest does and how he is becoming a man.

It's interesting being a pastor's wife, I've learned alot through the experience...not always the best about human nature but nevertheless I've learned...

I feel my life is grounded now and although I don't have alot of freedom with Sam (since he requires alot of care) I'm very happy and content where God has me. Is it the same place I thought it would be at this point in life, NO not really but God is God and He leads us...

IN the past 45 years, I've learned alot. There are a few things I'd do different if I could go back, times where I've hurt others, but for the most part even the heartaches of life have taught me well. Life is interesting, it can be scary but when you learn to roll with the punches, it does make life much easier to deal with! Even hard times gives us the depth that we need not to be shallow people. Now I don't like hard times anymore than anyone else but they do enrich our lives if we let them.

Let me share with you this quote i just recently read in Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to See" "Even the saddest things can become,once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom & strength for the journey,that lies ahead"

my favorite poem

THE WEAVER
"My life is but a weaving between the Lord & me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow
and I in foolish pride
forget He sees
the upper and I the underside.
Not 'til the loom is silent
and the shuttles cease to fly
shall God unroll the canvas
and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand
as the threads of gold and silver in the
pattern He has planned

That kind of says it all...if our lives are in His hands, then He is in control. That doesn't mean hard times won't come, I know that, but it means He is with you in those hard times. I really wouldn't trade the life I have lived for anyone. Not that it's been pain free, far from it, but it's given me a depth that I'd never would have had otherwise. I appreciate the good times, I know they can change but I'm thankful for normal boring days,,,

On a bit lighter note, it is funny how much technology has changed in 45 years...remember the old black phones? We even had a "party " line so you'd be able to listen to your neighbors calls...that was fun!!! Now my teen has a cell phone:) The kids ask me questions like "did you have a fridge back in the old days? How old do they think I am!!!! The crack up when I tell them we didn't have tv until I was 4 yrs old and then we only had 4 channels in black and white!!!!

So life is interesting, wonder what the next 45 years hold...?

Nutrition and Exercise!

2010-08-30T20:23:00.004-04:00

In this fast paced, fast food life style it is hard at times to ensure that you and your family get the most nutritional foods and the exercise that you need. I'm going to share with you some of the tricks I use and maybe they'll help you too.

We really try to avoid eating out at all but when we do we try to make the best choices. For example, if we go to McDonald's or Wendy's we buy regular size hamburgers NOT cheeseburgers with NO mayo. That cuts a ton, maybe up to 400 calories off the order. No Big Macs for us. Then if we let the kids get fries, they either share one large one or I buy just a small order each (depends on which is cheaper, coupons etc...) A normal serving size for an adult is a Happy Meal/Kid's size but we have super sized everything including ourselves. At KFC they now have grilled chicken so that is what we get instead of fried and we get corn as a side. Corn is better than fries! Some places have a healthy menu and we order off of it. If we get PIZZA which I love I ask them to go light on the pepperoni. Jon and I usually get a separate pizza with chicken and veggies on it. We all go with thin crusts at the pizza places that have them. That usually cuts down several points in fats. If we go to a nicer place then we still try and eat as healthy as possible!

At home, we only keep healthier snacks. We like Ruffles chips and dip so we buy the lower fat Ruffles and the low fat dip. Or we go with salsa (fat free & chocked full of veggies) & chips. We buy microwavable popcorn but it's the SMART BALANCE kind and low fat. I don't keep any sweets in the house, on occasion we might buy a cake or something but not very often. We do have fruit and fruit snacks always available. I will make brownies BUT when I do, I use Eggbeaters (egg whites) Smart Balance Oil, Smart Balance margarine and I spray with a non stick spray. So they are as low fat as possible but still taste good. I make cakes & muffins that way.

I also puree' vegetables into food. For example: if I make meatloaf, then I use the leanest ground meat (with no antibiotics) as possible and I puree' a 1/2 cup of carrots into it. No one knows the difference and they end up with some extra veggies! I use the book Deceptively Delious by Jerry Sinfiels's wife. It's great! I also add flax meal to casseroles alot. There is alot of things I puree into dishes thanks to that book. Also I drain meat after it's cooked...that gets a few more calories/fat out!

And we NEVER eat anything or buy anything that we know has trans fat!!!!!!!!!
I try to always have fresh salad in the house, ready to eat. Midget carrots too and ranch dressing...at least they are getting veggies in them!

I try not to buy much processed food and the less preservatives the better. We have quit eating lunch meat, bacon, hotdogs etc....because of the NITRIDES. It is usually the last ingredient in cured meats and it will kill you!!! There are links with lunch meats/hot dogs / bacon and cancer. There is UNcured hotdogs and bacon out there, you just have to look for them and then check the fat content. Publix carries two brands of uncured hotdogs and one has like 18 grams of fat!!! Also Boar's head deli products carry some lunch meats with no nitrates.

All our pastas are either wheat or vegetable pasta (one brand has a tri colored pasta that will give you a serving of vegetables in each 4 oz. I stick with those. Even Kraft's famous mac & cheese now offer whole wheat boxes! My kids can't tell the difference! It's so much better for them. And bread is whole wheat...soemtimes I'll let the kids get the white wheat but it's really not that good for you. Our grocery store carries whole wheat fresh breads and that's what we use to make garlic bread with. It's so good!

When I buy frozen foods like fish sticks, I get the lowest fat possible. It's no good to eat fish if you're eating a serving with 22 grams of fat!!!! I buy low fat ice cream....

We rarely fry anything in our house. I bet in 20 years I've fried less than 20 times! We bake everything but every so often...I'll bread and fry okra or green tomatoes...but I do it the smartest way possible. I use egg whites and fat free milk as the "wet" ingredient and I picked the "healthiest" seasoning/coating and I fry in Smart Balanc oil. I drain the stuff really good to get as much grease as possible out. If I stir fry something, I use olive oil which is a good oil.

Also be very careful with your salad dressings!! A salad is no good if you put on 30 grams of salad dressing! We use Kraft's low fat dressings. They have no preservatives and are really tasty. We also use fat free mayo~the only difference is it's made with egg whites and no the whole egg. I make my own tarter sauce with fat free mayo so when I'm eating fish, I'm not eating a ton of fat!

Eating HIGH fat will kill you dead! We eat as low fat as possible- fat free milk (again Smart Balance that comes from cows who don't get antibiotics) FAT will clog your arteries, it causes heart attacks, strokes, and cancer!

We try and watch portion size with my husband, me and our teenage son. We don't just keep eating and eating or we try not to:) Also if I buy a treat, like a bag of chips and dip, that's it, when it's gone it's gone...I don't keep a ton of that in the house. It's just too easy to keep eating and eating!

So as you can see I use alot of tricks in my cooking and buying food. My kids already read labels and without me telling them will, put something back on the shelve and say "oh it had trans fat or the sat. food was 13 grams" They know we wouldn't buy it! I'm trying to install good healthy eating habits in them. My husband's side of the family has lots of heart disease so we are trying to avoid them following in relatives footsteps. My side of the family, for the most part, were pretty healthy as far as food went. But they all had their own gardens and ate lost of vegetables even if they were fried at times. But they got alot of exercise, they didnt' have a sedentary lifestyle at all.

EXERCISE! Well I try and walk 10,000 steps a day. Usually I get about 5,000 done at the track and then the rest throughout the day. If I don't go to the track then I make myself do 40 minutes on my exercise bike at level 3 which is pretty hard. I don't love exercising but I know I must to stay as healthy as possible. I love it when I'm done! Boy when I get up and get my walk in by 7 pm, I'm wide awake and ready to face the day ~ those endorphins are kicking in!!!!!

My husband is quite the walker/runner and he goes for about an hour most days. It's hard for me to get the boys to exercise at home. They do good at school (their school is VERY sports oriented which we LOVE) but at home, they want to watch tv, play video games...so we do things as a family to get them off their butts! Whether it's going to the State Park or any park, the beach or even getting them to walk around at the mall...they tend to do better away form home. Now when it gets cooler and they can be out without getting so hot (we do live in Florida) then they will play in the yard or on the trampoline. It's challenging but I don't want my kids having health problems as young people!!!

So we try everything we can to be as healthy as possible. It's challenging and Lord knows I'm not some tiny little person BUT just think how big and unhealthy I'd be if I didn't use this self control in food and exercise

My struggles as a Pentcostal

2010-08-28T09:38:00.008-04:00

I'm struggling this morning with the whole healing issue (what's new?) We have a wonderful man in our church who is dying of cancer. He is a godly man, faithful to his wife, family and church. He is loyal one of the kind of church members that all pastors pray to have! Everyone has prayed for him. He has prayed...there is no sin in his life, surely with all the people who have prayed for him, someone has has to have faith! So he is not healed....WHY????

I can rest in the fact that we are in God's hands but what I struggle with is the things I have been taught all my life and the "stories" I have heard. I do not believe that we as individuals in the church world are so far from God that He doesn't hear our cry. I've heard things like "Well God heals overseas cause they are more desperate, they don't' have medical care etc" BUT let me tell you it don't matter where you are in the world geographically if the doctors have done all they can, then you are desperate!!!!!!

I don't doubt that the God of this universe, the Creator of it all can heal or do whatever He wants to do! I just don't' know that He chooses to do so! I read the bible, I have a bible degree and I've studied it in the Greek & Hebrew. I have not in the past studied alot on healing because it wasn't something I was dealing with personally. But as a mom with children with medical issues as well as being a pastor's wife, there is alot I see now that I had not seen as a younger person. So I've started reading different books, studying different approaches to healing within the Pentecostal/charismatic movement and I still have not come to any conclusion.

GOD is GOD regardless of my doctrinal ideas or yours either!!!!! But I must know the doctrine and understand it and have peace about what I teach and share with others. I will not pass along false or distorted doctrine!!! I will not make things up so someone can have a fairy tale to hold onto! We need to know exactly what the bible NOT man says....I'm so afraid that over the years, we as a church have exaggerated stories and maybe even believed man's stories rather than what God says through his word. It is not always easy to understand scripture and it has to be taken in context...

Anyhow today I'm struggling with this issue more than usual.

REVIVAL in Mobile Al- Bay of the Holy Spirit

2010-08-26T16:54:00.004-04:00

So we went to the "new" revival in Mobile Al at John Kilpatrick's church (think Brownsville)...

I went with an open mind & heart despite I am the most conservative Pentecostal/charismatic Assembly of God Pastor's wife out there:) I truly believe in testing the spirit! If it's God then it will stand up under my testing! I worry about people who just believe everything that comes down the pike. I also worry about people who are so cautious that they won't be moved by anything! I think there is a balance in there...moderation.....that's where I want to be. I'll go and check out something, I can always leave if it's weird!

So we drove up and went last Thursday & Friday. On the way out of our driveway, I really decided I did not want to go! It was a long drive with 3 kids and you know how expensive it is to be on the road. So we're driving down our road, and I'm already a bit irritated cause you know how it is to leave the house, everyone forgets something.....So I inwardly started fussing at myself & God...thinking 500 miles is a LONG way to go to a service!!! We had watched a couple of clips and our hearts had been stirred plus they were saying miracles were actually happening....(more about that later) So my mindset is we take Sam all over the country to the best doctors we can find, so what's is wrong with taking him to a revival service where there is prayer for the sick? Anyway I was going back and to in my mind about the whole thing. We get about an hour from home and we stop for gas and breakfast, and I open Jon's wallet and he has lots of cash!! Here i was so worried about $$$, I'd forgotten we had cash left over from the trip the previous week to Miami for Sam! I was really trying to figure out our budget for the trip and it was totally stressing me out...So I felt like God was saying to me that everything was ok, just relax, so I did!

That night at the service, I definitely felt the presence of God but I'm easily distracted & distrustful. I'm not distrustful of God but I do not like to be manipulated in any way whatsoever! Evidently that was the first night in the Mobile Civic Center and there was "spiritual warfare" going on. I really had to push through some things to say the least. After the worship, which was good, the evangelist called for people with vision problems to come forward. We took Sam & Shad forward. Sam is a bit like me. He really does not like people nor trust them when he meets them. So they were trying to pray for Sam, who was busy pushing hands away as hard as he could. I couldn't help but laugh! If Sam gets healed, it will have to be a God thing. He really can't stand the traditional "laying on of the hands"!!!!! To be honest, they gave up on him, which did kinda tick me off! I feel like if you are saying there is healing going on, then push on through whatever you have to to see it happen!

Shad on the other hand LOVES attention! So he was very responsive to the guy and was grinning from ear to ear. The evangelist did spend some time praying for Shad and asked us a few questions about his eyes, in a nice way. Neither boy "got healed" but I felt I was obedient in taking them. I felt God had wanted me to take them and I did. I trust God for them. Although of course I'd love to see my boys both healed and whole on this earth, I know that life is short and eternity is long and that they will be healed for all eternity. I can trust God in that. I still do not know if God heals on this earth, but I trust Him whether He chooses to or not!

I'm just being honest here, not trying to be disrespectful or anything like that...

When we returned to our seat with the boys, I felt like we had "failed" in the eyes of some around us. No one said anything to us, that is just how I felt. No one else got a healing either but we were sitting in the pastor's section and there were some real "excitable' folks around us....

The sermon was good, really right on, nothing weird or off at all. There was an altar call- a general one and Jon & Steve responded. Jon was touched ( but ya'll know he's a bit open) Steve on the other hand is more like me and he felt someone tried to push him over....he didn't go down ....just like his mom!

So although there was some things that made me uncomfortable, I know God's presence and I did feel it.

The next day we had fun, Jon took the boys to a Civil War site and I met an old high school friend for lunch. We had such a good time talking that I was running behind getting across town to meet them for the service. And to be honest, I really didn't want to go. I was too conflicted from the night before and the only reason I went was we were so far from home, felt like I might as well go since I'd put that much effort in to going....

I sat and held Sam through the worship which was good. Then there was a testimony time when people were allowed to share what God had done for them. There were several reports of healing but to be honest, they weren't that convincing. It bothered me that people came forward with stories of healing but not medical documentation or even their pastor who could attest to the story. For example if Sam was healed there, obviously the leadership doesn't know us. However all they'd have to do to confirm the story is to call our local leadership and ask them about Sam. Same way in a local church if someone got healed, everyone would know their background and could tell a difference. Well I think in situations like that, you shouldn't just have everyone up telling their stories without documentation or at least their pastor's confirming the story. In this day and age someone could get up and say all kinds of stuff and be a "spy" from some network show out to make fun... Anyhow there were several stories shared, I don't know what was real and what was emotionalism...I've seen it happen to good people who wanted to be healed so badly that they'd "confess" they were healed because they felt something emotionally. They didn't mean anything bad by it, they were just stirred up...unfortunately I've seen those very same people go through doubt about God even, when the evangelist had left town....They weren't healed anymore and couldn't understand it....Anyhow I wasn't comfortable with the testimony time. I want to see & know that things are TRUE before it's shouted to the roof tops!

The sermon was really good that night and something very curious happened about halfway through the sermon. My left shoulder/arm started shaking! I handed Sam over to Steve thinking maybe it was from holding him for so long. Then I really began to shake. I tried and tried to fight it but it was uncontrollable. At the conclusion of the sermon, a general altar call was given. Of course Jon went down. Well I was fighting the whole shaking thing and I didn't want anyone to notice me so I went down, off to the side out of the way. By that time, I was shaking all over. There was no big emotions going on in me at all! If anything I was shocked and trying my best to get the whole thing under control!!!!!!! I could barely stand at that point. In my heart, I began asking God what was going on...I still don't' have an answer really...but God started bringing to my remembrance the past, years ago, when I was so concerned about other people and their souls and I saw just how far I was from that love...I began weeping & repenting and asking God to light a fire in my heart, help me get past MY LIFE and all the responsibilities and think of others again like I did before.

At some point, the evangelist called for everyone in full time ministry to come forward, I really tried but there were so many people and I was shaking so hard, I just couldn't get up to the front. I just gave up and stood where I was and God continued ministering to my heart. It wasn't to give me goosebumps or a good story but it really was to get my attention and redirect my heart.

So you ask why did God do that or maybe it was just my emotions....I can tell you it wasn't my emotions. I was there but barely to be honest with you! It was NOT at all that I was so into the service and had some expectation of some supernatural occurrence...not at all....So why would God do that??? Actually I feel although things were not "perfect", when man is involved (which is always) then nothing is going to be perfect....the presence of God was there. Whether He was there because of the hearts of the people or whether the leadership was really pressing in to God or a combo of all of that...I do not know but I know the presence of God and it was there!!!!

The oddest thing was after we'd gone back to the hotel and gone to bed, I woke up twice and was shaking!!!! Both times I was dreaming about the revival. I was shaking so much my teeth was chattering...I wasn't cold...But I was so tired, I just fell back asleep. I really think that happened to further prove to me, it wasn't my emotions.

So what do I think? I think it is a true move of God that needs to be carefully pastored and accountable. Will it be a revival lasting years...? I don't know, I don't really think so but I do believe it is a time of refreshing for the body of Christ. I know so many people say the church world has so much "refreshing" and services, conferences etc...but they don't have many real moves of God. When you are a pastor or in full time ministry you need a touch of God, the fire of God to burn out the dross in your life from time to time! I have to admit, I love to be in a service where no one looks at their watches and where there is time to let God work on us. Over the years I've been blessed in being in services like that from the time I was a child on and they made an impression on me. I love that my kids were there. Sure we discussed somethings but it was good for them. I even love when it's 11pm and the two little boys are asleep on the pews. There is just something about being in that kind of atmosphere that is something the kids will never forget.

I think we'll go back, actually we may go back next month if everything works out so we can be up in that area. Will I shake again? I have no idea nor do I anticipate it but I want to be in an attitude of openness to God. I'm hungry for God to move in my life. I feel I've spent so many years dealing with stuff in my life and so many years in rebellion that I want to see God move again. I spent the early part of my 30's in rebellion to God and then some years of recovery...then came Sam and all the additional responsibilities in my life...now I have 3 kids and a very busy life. I'm not the same person I was back in the early 90's when I had all kinds of time to be in revival services...but I want to be open to how God is choosing to move in this time while always keeping the focus on God.

Update

2010-08-12T20:08:00.004-04:00

Steve had a great trip in Detroit! He loved doing the outreach and can't wait to go to the one next year! He came back charged up! I've noticed him reading his bible and praying more and having a better attitude overall. He wasn't overwhelmed by the youth services or the music. didn't get some big emotional touch but just the fact he participated in something bigger than himself drew him closer to God. We are so glad he went!

We got back from Miami yesterday after driving in Tropical Depression #5! Sam's cornea looks good but his eye pressure/glaucoma is up and that is very serious! We are concerned about the situation

School starts Monday and the kids are excited. Steve will be starting high school and Shad will be starting 1st grade. Sam also will be starting 1st grade on homebound and he will love seeing his teachers again!

There is a revival breaking out in Mobile AL. It's with Pastor Kilpatrick who was the pastor of Brownsville A/G in the 90's during that great revival. We are planning to go up at the end of next week for a couple of days although the kids will have to miss a couple of days of school. I think it will be an amazing thing for them to experience and of course we will have Sam prayed for. There are some healings taking place and I trust Pastor Kilpatrick enough to know that this stuff is for real and not just exaggerations...I want to see for myself!

Our church is having a special meeting this Sunday with Jermiah and Charity Hubbard. Charity is the one who sang during the Brownsville Revial "Mercy Seat" I think our church will be greatly encouraged.

caringbridges....

2010-08-06T14:33:00.005-04:00

Sam has a caringbridges page the address is www.caringbridges.org/visit/samclanton and I enjoy having it to update on Sam exclusively. Over the years, doctor visits, hospital stays, we've met other's with CB pages that I follow and those friends often put other friend's websites on their pages. So I read quite a few of them. Most of the children I read about have life threatening illnesses, mostly cancer although there are some children like Sam who have more stable (for the most part) situations. So many times while reading these CB pages, I have wept for the parents and the children. It's so hard to read of a child relapsing with cancer or dying. My oldest son came in one day when I was reading and crying and he asked me "Mom WHY do you do this to yourself?" Especially me, I won't even watch Bambi! Every movie I watch has to be slap stick comedy! I don't like to be sad. I figure life is sad enough why add to it!

But these are real children with real families and in an odd way, I feel like I honor what they are going through and their lives by reading their website. I know I pray for them and their families alot, even if I've never met them.

And some of the parents have all kind of odd ideas spiritually. One family is Buddhist/New Age and one goes to a Medium....it's different and sad. You can just sense their feeling of hopelessness. I pray for the parents souls. Some of the hardest to read are the ones of the children who have passed away and their parents continue posting, sharing their pain. Those posts break my heart and I pray for God to touch them and lift their burden, if possible.

I had been following a little girl, Hannah Grace. Her dad is a young minister with our denomination and a student at one of our colleges as well as I believe he is on staff at a church. Reading her site, has been an amazing experience. Her father & mother have showed so much faith & trust in God that it has inspired me to trust God more in my life. HG recently passed away and I cried again for her, for her family but I was encouraged by their faith at the same time. Her father announced her passing by saying "No angel wings here, Hannah Grace is safe in Jesus' arms" I loved how he wrote that as many in the cancer/childhood disease world will write when a child dies that the child has now earned their "angel wings". Honestly that had always bothered me, although of course I understand what they mean by the statement. (but we as redeemed humans will one day judge the angels ...we have a song the angels can not sing...) But he wrote with such faith and trust although his heart was breaking about looking forward to the day when they would worship around the throne together. No bitterness, no reproach of God...just trust!

I encourage you to read this little girl's site, go back to the beginning and read their story of faith www.caringbridges.org/visit/hannahgraceharrison You will be encouraged to trust God with your life!

Summer Time Blues

2010-08-03T07:47:00.002-04:00

Summer times blues.....the end of summer time blues....

With Steve gone to Detroit, my husband at work and its so hot, I'm basically stuck at home with the little boys! AAAAAGGGHHHHH! This is gonna be a boring week! I feel for them too! Then next week we have to be in Miami for Sam's procedure but that is NO vacation! Then the next week school starts! Where did the summer go????It seems like we were just getting out of school and leaving for the mountains!

Although I do LOVE the schedule of school. It seems like when we have to be on schedule everything runs so much better. Steve will be in high school 9th grade this year! Shad will be in 1st! And Sam will also be in 1st through the homebound program. Steve is planning on playing basketball again this year so we have that to look forward too. Steve & Shad both will have tough teachers this year. The good thing about the kids going to a private school, there are some things you know in advance. I particularly excited about Steve's teacher. He is a little bit afraid hahaha. He says she is alot like me! But she will be what gets him really motivated! Our goal is for Steve to do dual enrollment in college while he is in 11th & 12th grade. I believe with his new teacher we'll be able to do that! And with Shad's new teacher, I believe he will advance quickly. In their school, they work at their own pace, and if a kid is gifted, then they can work through the work quicker. I believe Shad will do that. He finished kindergarten work a full month before school was out and they let him do a little 1st grade work but I think this year, they'll just let him fly:)

Well next week Jon is taking the whole week off, we go to Miami Tues& Wed-as long as Sam has no complications (unlike the last 2 times) we'll be home Wed night! So maybe we'll have some time at the beach next week! That would be nice! I'd like to stay over somewhere but probably won't be able to afford that with the Miami trip & school supplies/uniforms to buy:( But at least we can go for the day!

So I should try to clean the house or do something productive today. I HATE feeling like a SLUG! It goes against my grain but it is so hard to get anything done without Steve or Jon being home or at least Sam's teachers being here....when the teachers are here, I at least have him occupied. With no one but me, he wants to occupy all my time:) Not that I really mind especially when he snuggles in, and puts that little arm around my back so he can get as close as possible.....but I do like getting stuff done too.

So I have the end of summer time blues!!

Train up a child.....

2010-08-02T08:59:00.003-04:00

Well our oldest son is on his first missions trip! He went with another church to Detroit Mich for the Assemblies of God annual Fine Arts/AIM trip. Steve is not in the fine arts completion but he is doing the AIMS trip which is an inner city mission trip! He left at 4 AM Sat morning and they arrived in Detroit about 3 pm on Sunday.

Already it's been a learning experience for him as he raised ALL his money to go by himself! He sold discount cards, tickets for Outback, spent 6 Saturdays at Publix supermarket, holding a bucket for donations, he worked the Daytona Speedway's gates the weekend of July 4th and a few other things! He actually raised $107 over his goal and was able to give the credit to a good friend who was lacking a little bit. Even his spending money came from people who saw how hard he was working:) The only thing we had to spend $$$ on was a few new pairs of shorts, that he needed anyhow:) We were so proud of how hard he worked! I think it was a big accomplishment to him to raise his own support. We could tell that it made him feel very independent!

So he's off to do all kinds of projects with another 1,000 kids from the Assembly of God nationwide! He is going to do projects in the inner city, work with Convey of Hope giving out food to needy families and do some door to door outreaches. He'll be out from 9-4 pm and then they will have a youth service nightly. I realize all the effort that these teens put forth may not cause a massive revival in Detroit BUT it may cause the individual teen to have a life changing experience! I did a bunch of short term mission trips while in college and I'm sure the trips did not do a whole lot to further the cause of Christ in the places I went:) But I learned a lot, learned how to work with others, be submissive to authority, be flexible and be bold!!! So in the long run it does help the kingdom...and you never know some soul may be touched by these teens coming to help them.

It was a little hard for us to let him go, he's only 14 and for him to go out of state without us...and REAL out of state, was a bit unnerving (esp for me) but we know it's good for Steve.

We have a small church wih a small youth group so we have always allowed him to do things with another church that we are good friends with the pastor and youth pastor. We started letting him go to youth camp 3 summers ago....although the first year I took him and had a long talk with the camp director about lightening, pool rules...ect...he was gracious to me. I look back now a bit embarrassed but that was my baby:)

We've allowed him to do things that would allow him to grow spiritually. It's not about going on trips for the heck of them but there has been a purpose. With a child, you see what they want and then guide them to it. He loves youth camp, youth convention, PK retreat...each time he did something new, I had to hold my breath but so glad he stepped up and did the stuff (and glad we let him)

I grew up really restricted. My family didn't want me involved in anything or to go anywheres even if it was with the church. They worried too much....well I worry too and we don't send him off just to do whatever unsupervised...but we send him off, in capable hands, so he doesn't even think about the fact he has other's supervising him.

You have to give your child room to grow and mature WHILE still watching over them, it's a balancing act. You don't want to be like my family, where I was allowed to do nothing nor do you want your child to run wild and go everywhere with no purpose either.

As we were following the bus down I-4 to our turn off Saturday morning, Jon & I both were a bit emotional but Jon said some really profound things...The scripture "train up a child" literally means to cause to them to go with their own unique personality, bent, interests, in a godly way....We try to do that with all our children. We will never try to "call them into ministry" I've seen that done too many times and honestly I really don't want them in ministry IF that is not their calling because it is NOT an easy life!!! We want to direct our boys in a godly manner towards their personalities & interests, without trying to impose our wishes on them. Of course, we have high standards and expectations of them but I think it's good for kids to have goals set. You just have to get them to think the goals came from their minds:)

So I encourage you let your children grow, help them to get ready to leave the nest with good habits in place and help them grow spiritually without being weird. And I mean YOU as the parent...don't get weird or have too many rules. Rules are good but always have a reason for a rule and be able to explain it. Honestly we've never had more than a mummer about any rules we've had on the boys. usually when I've explained it to them, they've understood.

We have rules in place in our home about what the kids, watch on tv/movies, what kind of video games they play, and music that they listen to. We send them to a christian school, to youth camp, have them in church every week and in other christian activities. I'm careful with what friends my boys hang around and whose homes they are in....I always say they may get in trouble and go away from God but they'll have to go through us FIRST!!! WE WILL NOT MAKE IT EASY ON THEM!!!!!

But on the other hand, we don't raise them like I was raised with silly rules that had no basis in reality...Like you couldn't go to a movie theater, but you could rent that movie and play it on a VCR....or you couldn't go bowling...a friend of mine was not allowed to go skating...: how odd! We try to make rules that deal with the heart more!

We teach the boys "don't put any unclean thing in front of your face" (that's from the bible) I'd much rather my kids go to the theater and watch the latest G-rated movie, than stay home and rent an R rated movie...(honestly when i was a teen, I wasn't allowed to go to movies YET our youth pastor rented "Against All Odds-rated R. I recently bought it and watched about 5 minutes BEFORE I THREW IT IN THE DUMPSTER!!!! I had forgotten the language/sex scenes...but was that too stupid? almost like what made a movie bad was where it was shown not what was in it!!!!!) We explain WHY we want them to be careful about what they see/hear and how we want them to please God in their choices as they get older!

some people don't take their kids to church much, don't watch out for what the kids watch on tv or play on video games, give up on policing their Ipods, let them hang out with kids who don't care anything about God...and then they wonder WHY their kids are out of control!!!! Then they ask for prayer for their kids...come on...GUIDE your children, guide by example...While these kids live in our house, they'll be in church whether they like it or not...it's not up to them!! But it's never been an issue, and I really don't think it ever will be.

I'm not a perfect mom by any means. I yell too much and I don't have much patience, (except with Sam) But I'm determined to train up my kids spiritually. I admit to my kids when I blow it, although I also explain to them THEIR part in it:) I don't apologize to them for them getting in trouble, nor do they escape punishment even if I yell at them too much! (I'm thinking of a recent episode when my favorite casserole dish that my deceased mother in law gave me - got broke...I YELLED big time and 2 boys had a whole day of no tv, music, computer, games...etc....! I did later in the day explain WHY I'd gotten so mad and apologized for how I spoke to them but it didn't lessen their punishment by one minute!!!!!) Sometimes parents in my generation forget WHO is supposed to be in charge in the home!!! And it's not the kids! We respect our children BUT we don't let them run the home either. I've seen homes like that and no one is really happy including the kid. Actually that day the boys ended up apologizing to me, playing a regular board game together & it turned out to be a nice day. They need boundaries...but maybe not a mama screaming at them!!! So it's a learning expirence for all of us. It is good for a child to know that his parent will admit where they've blown it.

I love my boys and want to see them grow, spread their wings...and soar in life...and we want to be there to encourage them every step of the way!

produced church

2010-07-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

This is a parody on the contemporary cool church! Cracked me up but it's really supposed to make you think...Personally I think the modern Charismatic/Pentecostal/Evangelical have tried so hard to be so cool & relevant that many churches have just become "cookie cutters" and they are so predictable! We recently ran into a friend we went to SEC with (not on FB so don't nobody think I'm talking about you-although if the shoe fits...) and the guy had the cool clothes, hair cut, glasses and required tattoo, cool speech "Hey dude what's up?"....it was sad , here was this 45 yr old, TRYING to look & sound like a youth pastor LOL. It took NO effort to imagine what his church was like, everyone in jeans, with their coffee on Sun morning, in for an hour then out....You know it's rather laughable....he wasn't being unique or himself, he was following what he felt was the way to grow a church, being relevant....

I'll be honest, I did go out and buy Jon the required black shirt and ripped jeans and shoes to match....and he felt like an IDIOT!!!!!!! He tried to wear them to something and he just cracked up and said he couldn't do it. I did get him to wear them for our Xmas pic last yr so we'd all match but they've just sat in his closet. He will wear the shirt TUCKED in with a pair of dress pants. but he can't bring himself to wear the jeans, I figure Steve will be in that size soon....He's just not about being the cool pastor! LOL Keep it real! Now he rarely wears a suit and when he does, rarely a tie but it's more than anything just because that is what he feels comfortable with. We aren't formal at our church but we're not informal either, just kinda in the middle....no one sports a cool new tattoo, there is a few with some old ones, but honestly they try to cover them up...And I don't have a problem with someone getting a tattoo but don't just do something to be cool. It looks stupid to a watching world, like a kid playing dress up.....

Honestly I don't want to go back to the '60's where all the men wore a 3 piece suit and the ladies wore dresses & hose and all the little rugrats were dressed to kill in their Sunday best....But it's like we've had to swing the pendulum so far that it is ridiculous. I remember when I was a kid no one would even chew gum "in the house of the Lord" Now it's coffee & doughnuts every Sunday morning! There's nothing wrong with Starbucks (love 'em) but just be yourself.

The world isn't gonna beat down your door whether you as the pastor has the latest hip style or their favorite brand of Starbucks coffee...they are looking for reality. Sure the "cool" church may grow for a season in numbers but according to research by George Bara the more contemporary churches have the least amount of commitment. (I read that in a study and can't quote the study but I know it was his group that did it.) I'm sure every church struggles with commitment, our church is more traditional but very grace oriented & we struggle with people being committed. But I believe that the "seeker sensitive " church in the long run will do more to hurt the body of Christ than to help. In 20 yrs or so, when church historians begin looking back, I believe it will have ran it's course as did the Charismatic movement of the 70's, the big ministries/tv ministries of the 80's & 90's...

What do people crave? We all crave God first & foremost! Then authenticity within church. The whole contemporary church movement, "church outside the box" probably started wtih the best of intentions...but like anything else, when a pastor feels he needs to be a carbon copy of someone else, the whole thing looks silly! There are "moves of God" that speak more to my heart like the Brownsville Revival & the Lakeland Outpouring" from the 90's but it was so silly to me when I began to see ministers base their ministry on trying to be like Steve Hill or Rodney Howard Brown. Be yourself! Don't try to copy another minister's way of doing something, it doesn't fit you....

Are there any more pioneers out there????

2010-07-28T09:06:00.004-04:00

So far today I've have a phone call from one lady and a visit from another...both conversations were about "Finding a church home"...Can we say we are live in a consumer mentality????

The caller was upset because a church she had been attending had her fill out a questionnaire & attend a class before she could become a member. Instead of encouraging her to attend our church, I encouraged her to understand WHY the church/pastor required that. I explained that the bible teaches "to know those who labor among you" and church membership is far different from just attending a church. Church membership should be taken serious and "not entered into lightly" just like marriage...LOL The class was to ensure SHE knew what kind of church she was joining. It was an Assembly of God church in this area, we know the pastor slightly but I'm sure that he's not some werido and has a reason for what he requires. She didn't like the application process because the application asked about HER gifts and what SHE could do for the church. She innocently asked me "wasn't the church supposed to provide for HER needs???" Poor thing....I explained it's our responsibility AS MEMBERS to get involved in some aspect of ministry within our church whether it was cleaning the church, helping in the nursery or praying....We talked for quite a bit and I encouraged her to meet with her pastor and talk to him about this rather than just run off & leave the church.

Then a woman came by and stopped in and asked about our church. She was nice but literally gave me a list in what she was looking for in a church....! I just laughed (nicely) and told her we didn't have all that she was looking for but she was welcomed to visit. She then describe a church she had recently attended and told me what she didn't like about it. Evidently the pastor preached a "tithing sermon" a rather long one before taking up the offering. I could agree I really am not into all that. YES I believe in tithing and it IS an important part of church attendance and a responsibility of a church member, BUT that is not something we focus on here at our church. Yes my husband will mention it and even include it in a sermon but it's not a big emphasis. And you now what, God has met all the needs of this church! It's been incredible how the finances have come in for everything we needed. We are set to start a remodeling phases of the sanctuary in September and ALL the money that we need is in and most of the supplies (paint, new carpet, new chairs/sets all new audio equipment, wood floors new sheds etc..is bought!!!!) God provides!!!!

But anyhow she didn't like the sermon there, she wanted more than we offer....Makes me wonder does ANYONE think about BEING a blessing to the church rather than being blessed by the church??????

We live in a world of CONSUMERS!!! Bless me, do for me, what about helping others??? I love larger churches where there are all kinds of ministries available. We went for years to a "mega-church" that was great, so I'm not against mega churches, they can be great. But Christians should learn to be able to give out what they've been given!

What we'd give for more committed, NORMAL people to work with us and be people we know that we could depend on!!! Every pastor is appreciative of those ones that he knows are faithful, committed and doing things for God & the church for the right reason! In our situation, we need folks with a pioneer spirit, people you don't have to hold their hand nor do you have to watch your back either!1 (that can be just as bad!) Are their any left? Does everyone have to have every new program in order to serve God or can they use what God has given to them already to give back to the world, starting in their local community & church????

It can be discouraging......

Christian Songs...or "Love " Songs

2010-07-23T10:32:00.002-04:00

I love all kinds of music... rap, heavy metal (only a little), rock & roll, soft listening, praise & worship, hymns, country, southern gospel music...I for the most part listen to only Christian music but we have some secular music cd's that I on occasion listen to. If you looked through our Cd collection, you'd laugh cause there are many styles we like.

But there is one "style" that drives me crazy......Christian 'worship" music that sounds like you are singing to your boyfriend/girlfriend....I know the bible says we are the "bride of Christ' and then you've got the Songs of Solomon...but some new music that is out is embarrassing to me!!! I was recently somewhere and the worship group was singing and I was actually really into the music. Then they began a song I didn't know...as the words came forth, I was actually embarrassed! They were words, I'd use only to describe a love relationship between a man & a woman....So I kinda did a quick look around and everyone else was all into the song, singing away...So I thought "is it just me?" I talked to some friends & Jon later and they agreed with me, the song made them uncomfortable...(well my bro in law- as always disagreed with me - he told me I had a vile mind...LOL) But yet people sing these songs that make them uncomfortable...NOT ME!

I guess I feel when I'm singing worship songs to the Creator of the Universe, I want to keep it a little more formal and reverent! I know we have a personal relationship with God, but I really don't want to be that personal.....!!!! If you hear a song and you can't be sure that if you just heard it song on the radio whether it would be a christian song or an easy listening love song...don't ya think something is wrong???? I don't know am I the only one who feels like this?

Sure we have old hymns like "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" but the word go "Jesus lover of my soul. Jesus, I will never let you go, You lifted me, from the mirey clay and set my feet upon a rock and now I know , I love you, I need you,tho my world may fall, I'll never let you go..." ok I can deal with that. the song is quite clear to WHOM it is being song to. Other songs...and I don't' want to put their lyrics out there since I'm disagreeing with them ... are just werid. Jon actually asked our worship leader not to do a particular song because of the wording....some of these songs sound like the writeer is romantically in love with Jesus...I don't' know but that gives me the willies.....YUCK! Does anyone besides me remember the 80's and some minister would use the term "Make Love to Jesus"...? Ok that totally GROSSED me out!!!!!! I understand they meant be one with, be intimate with...but the terminology was WAY too much for me!!! So are we still seeing some of that odd speech but now it's in song version??

So what do you think? have you ever sung a song you were uncomfortable with??? Just wondering....

Is the CHURCH bad...?

2010-07-23T09:06:00.003-04:00

Recently it seems I've been reading/seeing/hearing alot about how BAD the church is. Everyone has a criticism of the church. I see it on facebook, "non traditional" authors, in magazines, on tv, people tell me all their bad experiences...just this morning on the way to my walk I passed a sign "churchhatesme.com" from a new "cool " church in our area...so what do I think about it????

True anyone who grows up in church can tell a crazy tale or two...I have about 100 or so. I've been hurt, let down, talked about, and even ridiculed by the CHURCH. So what is my response? The church is only made up of other humans. Have you not been hurt, let down, talked about, ridiculed by humans or has it only happened to you by the CHURCH? Well I've had all the above happen to me at school, at work, in family, in life in general. So why does it make it so much worse when something happens to you in church? If I had a dollar for everytime somebody told me they got hurt in church and "WASN'T EVER GOING BACK" I'd be able to retire:) Wow, if someone hurt your feelings at work and you said that and follow thru, you wouldn't have a job...or what about in your family situation? Most of the time we just suck it up and go on cause we have to.

So what's the difference? So the person quits church & gets flaky and says "I can worship God out in nature" hahah that one really cracks me up cuz come Sunday morning that person is probably still snoring under their blankies....

The bible clearly teaches corporate worship and teaches the church is the body of Christ that should function together. It even gives the exhortation "Forget not the assembling of yourself together, even more so as you see that day approaching" Wow that's in the Bible. But I had one guy tell me as we were discussing this subject that he was assembling together with me at that particular time, that the Bible didn't mean in a church setting, it could be any setting...it was would have been laughable if it wasn't so sad.

I'm a pastor's wife, raised in church my whole life and I'll be the first to tell you the church is flawed...WHY??? Cause we are humans, God doesn't make us robots when we come to Christ so therefore we have the opportunity to screw things up...but would you really want someone else to stand in your way to God? Can you be saved & not go to church? Yes. Will you be living a victorious life? NO! I've never met anyone other than a few old saints who were bedridden and couldn't go to church who were living a victorious life and not going to church! and that's the truth! Think about the people you know who aren't faithful in church attendance, are they REALLY the ones you can depend on when you need someone to be there for you in a spiritual capacity? NOOOO! And what kills me is people who can go EVERYWHERE else BUT church cause they are "sick". I just roll my eyes when I see/hear that.

Now, we are not legalistic about church attendance, we don't have a Wednesday night service anymore (really since hardly anyone would come) but there is something to be said about finding a church home and being faithful! It is an important Christina discipline that no one wants to talk about today. You have a responsibility! Have you ever heard "You only get out of it, what you put into it???" Well that's true! If YOU would put something into it, you might be surprised!

So personally I don't like these attacks on the church! Granted there are some churches out there that are not preaching the gospel, that are in false doctrine and unhealthy. There are dead mainline churches and dead charismatic/Pentecostal churches. But really for the most part, those are not really the kind of churches I hear complaints about...usually it's just a regular church, where things DIDN'T GO THAT PERSON 'S WAY!!!!!!!Maybe the pastor called for some respondsibiblty in their lives or maybe someone did say hurtful things to them...but GET OVER IT!

Remember YOU will stand before GOD one day for YOURSELF. Not for Sis MeanGirl or Bro Blabbermouth or for the preacher you didn't like cause he told you to pay tithes.....So get to a good Bible believing church, be faithful (there is a respondsibiblty on YOUR side too!!!) and get grounded!

And honestly not trying to sound like a conspirator...but I truly believe this wave of attacks on the church that we keep seeing is from the devil. When I see all the books out about making your church seeker sensitive and what the sinner wants in a church...it turns my stomach. I love everyone but I will never be a part of a ministry that waters down the gospel to reach people. It's great to move with the times about NON ESSENTIAL TO SALVATION matters like what time the service is, or what people wear to church...but when all you get is a feel good sermon, something is wrong. When I met people going to Charismatic /Pentecostal churches and they are living with their boyfriend/girlfriend and have NO conviction about it...it makes me wonder about what kind preaching they are hearing....? Is it just patting them on their backs and telling them Jesus loves them? Or is it messages of conviction, Jesus loves you and wants to save you from your sins???

The old saying "Sin will take you further than you ever wanted to go, cost you more than you ever wanted to pay, and keep you longer than you ever wanted to stay" is so true! I want to give a pure message to others. I KNOW what sin will do in a life! Although I was raised in the church, I decided as an adult to turn my back on God! And turn I did!!!! It was the most miserable time of my life!! So although I had never before experienced the ravages of sin, didn't really have a testimony of God taking me out of themirey clay...I do now! And I know that that is a horrible place to be! So why would I not want to tell someone how to be free?????

I'm proud to be a mom of a "retarded ' son!

2010-07-07T14:17:00.004-04:00

I get a newsletter called "the MATCHMAKER" MUMS National Parent-to- Parent network Newsletter. I've been getting it since Sam was little and back then no one had ever heard of Peter's so I hoped to connect with another family. This newsletter is for any parent of a child with special needs. It has some liberal leanings and I'd actually called to have myself taken off of the list back during the election of '08 but nevertheless I still receive it. So last night I opened it and read the most horrible essay I have ever read in my life. It is written by a mom of a child who is retarded. It doesn't give any more info about he child...but it gives plenty of info about the mom!!!!!!!!!

It's called "The Dark Side" by Jennifer Hamilton. She begins by quoting her son Andy who says "I hate being retarded" and then she goes on to say "I hate being the mom of a retarded child" She goes on to say that many parents have allowed themselves to be pressured into saying and often even thinking things that they don't really feel. She goes on to say that she knows moms who are so conditioned to being brave that they have practically convinced themselves that their child's disability is a blessing. This author writes that a friend of hers recently stated she couldn't stand to be alone with her child (who I presume is handicapped too) for more than an hour and so it gave the author the great sense of relief that she could make a list of her negative reaction, and not dress them up with apologies or explanations but simply to put them down as a statement of where she stands! she then proceeded to list them...

DEATH She has frequent death wishes concerning her son. Fantasies about accidents. fatal but painless illnesses...

BOREDOM Her son bores her and on occasions, the boredom of his slowness approaches pure hatred!

ANGER She is angry at the doc who prescribed the wrong size diaphragm, herself and her husband for having conceived the child and FURIOUS at god for allowing this to happen (Oh now we get God in the picture only because she's mad at Him for not giving her a perfect son)

GUILT She is guilty over the frustrations and restrictions of his life

SHAME She says perhaps self-consciousness would be a better expression because it is not immediately apparent that he is retared, she wished he had some physical impairment that would promote instant sympathy & forestall misunderstanding by strangers. She says she deliberately talks down to him to make it obvious that he is different and thereby spare herself from public embarrassment.

She then goes on to say that "looking back over this list I sense that it's only a beginning. There are deeper & more complicated feelings that I have yet to recognize....My common sense tells me that others in my situation must have had similar dark thoughts...For my own part I feel that since Andy had the courage to admit the feelings that his disability aroused, I owe it to him to develop with myself the same kind of honesty." WHAT A SICKO!!!!

OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know as a christian I'm not supposed to hate anyone but WOW I have no nice feelings towards this selfish witch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God help her son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll start by saying I'm HONORED to be the mom of a retared boy! I don't believe all those silly ideas, that God and the angels were looking for the perfect parents and chose us to be Sam's parents....We live in a fallen world, and sometimes things happen while a child is being formed in his mom's belly. But God created Sam and brought us through a difficult pregnancy & birth and He gave Sam life. Sam is who he is and who God created him to be. I'm even passed the stage of wishing he was "normal" In the beginning, I wanted him healed so bad but I love & accept him as he is. I didn't care about whether he was healed for MY sake but for his sake, to make his life easier. But then I realized, Sam is who God created him to be. God knew that Sam had Peter's Plus Anomaly in his chromosome 17...God wasn't shocked by Sam's disability....Sometimes I don't like to even call it a disability because it is Sam, who he is, and I love him!!!!!!! And having the hope of heaven, I realize that any suffering we go through is not even to be compared to the glory we will have in heaven. For all of eternity, Sam will be completely healed, so what is a few years here on this earth????

So let me counter her writings with my own thoughts on each of these subjects she brought up

DEATH I worry that Sam will die on almost a daily basis, at least a few times a week. Although I know when he goes to heaven he'll be whole but I don't want him to leave me. I love holding him & taking care of him, feeling the warmth of his little body in my lap. I worry that he'll out live Jon & me and his care be overwhelming to his brothers. (although Steve & him have such an incredible bond!)

BOREDOMShe has to be kidding! I'm never bored with Sam! I have so much fun with him and enjoy him so much. He is the silver lining in the cloud of disability! He has enriched my life so much! I've gone so many places and met so many people that I would have never known if it wasn't for Sam!!!!

ANGER If you've read my blogs, I went through a time of being angry after we lost our twins and I NEVER want to be there again! God is sovereign and we are in His hands, come what may! I'm thankful that God gave us Sam. Thankful that all the fertility treatment worked, thankful that he survived prematurity! Thankful that he is my boy!!!!!!

GUILT I did in the beginning wonder if somehow Sam's disabilities were my fault. But then after all the doctor's assessments..DNA testing...etc...I realized it was just something that randomly happens...Before I knew I was pregnant we'd gone to Branson MO and on the way stopped to watch a crop dusting plane for Steve in Arkansas. For a while I wondered if I got some chemicals on me that could have caused Sam to have problems. One doctor was reassuring after explaining all the chromosomal stuff he added "If every woman who had a crop duster fly over her had a child like Sam, the whole Midwest would be full of kids with Peter's " that really helped and made sense!!!!

SHAME Or Self consciousness...Sure I feel self conscious when people look at Sam but not because HE embarrass me ! But rather those people PISS ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I hope i don't offend you by my strong language) I don't feel a need to "talk down to my son" Actually sometimes I will say to him "some idiot is watching us...." And I say it as I'm glaring at the offending party!!!!!!!!!!!

So those are my thought on this article! I feel very strongly because I do count it as a privilege to be the mother of all 3 of my boys. I am so blessed by them. Just because Sam is different doesn't diminish him or my feelings for him. What if he'd been born perfectly healthy but got cancer , or was injured and became disabled by any number of things? Would that diminish my love for him? NO!!!

Honestly reading that idiot's article makes me fear for her son'! If not for his actually physical safety, at least for his emotional well being! Surely she can not treat him with love & respect if she if fantasizing about his death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor little boy! Although Sam can not disguish that he is disabled he doesn't really speak or have the understanding to know he is different IF he did understand he would KNOW that we love & accept him AS HE IS!!!!

The author has the mindset of this world. It dominates her thoughts and she has given into them. We live in a world that wants perfection, that doesn't value life, unborn, the elderly, handicapped people...it is dangerous. One day that lady may find herself disabled, a casualty of old age, maybe some crippling disease, or dementia ...I wonder if she'd like someone fantasising over her death then???? No one is promised a perfect life, lots can happen along the way. If you don't show compassion, then will compassion be shown to you???

I try to live my life compassionately towards others. That is one thing that Sam brings out of me. A compassion for the weak, sickly, handicapped...not to say I dint' have any before, but NOW my feet are in their shoes, so compassion wells out of me!

I remember thinking years ago before we had kids, that I would never want to have a retarded child. It was just almost more than I could think of to have to deal with. However with time, age and caring a child inside your body, it didn't matter to me if my kid had 3 heads! It was MY child and I'd love it with every ounce of strength I had!!! After I lost my twins, one who was at the least extremely physically handicapped I just cried and cried and told God that I wanted that child NO MATTER what was wrong with it. And I meant it. It was flesh of my flesh, no matter what was wrong with it. Before I had children, I didn't have that crazy maternal feeling.....had NO idea...but after having Steve.......it hit and has never let me go. It's almost supernatural, that maternal feeling that washes over a mom! I had it some after I was pregnant with Steve, but the moment I delivered him and the doctor handed him to me, honest to God it was like "an anointing' I don't know how to describe it but it happened so fast & strong! I wan't a real maternal person before him but in that second, it was like "pixie dust" was sprinkled over me. I can't really use the term "pixie dust" cause it was so strong! More like a barrel of it was oured on my head!!!! Me who'd never really successfully changed a diaper in 30 years of my life suddenly became MAMA! I would have killed over that little baby if I'd had to with no qualms!

I feel that way about my kids so strongly still and especially Sam because of all he has gone through! Believe me, ask some nurses, doctors, teachers, therapists...anyone who did anything that I felt was not in his best interest. they get it from me. I don't even care anymore about what they think of me, actually I never cared what they thought of me but I din try to tone myself down for my poor husband's sake! I guess I should say I'll pray for this lady but I'd really like to "lay hands on her" fast & furiously!!!!!!! God be with that poor little boy!!!!!!

July 4th thoughts

2010-07-03T16:10:00.003-04:00

So tomorrow is July 4th and it falls on a Sunday. That makes it convenient for a cookout following the service...fun.

My husband was debating what to preach tomorrow. He is in the middle of a series on the cross but thought maybe he should do a sermon that was more connected to America. He never asks me my opinion on what to preach cause he always can preach- he really is "instant in season & out"! And he was really just kinda thinking out loud so you know I had to throw my 2 cents worth in.....I encouraged him to focus on Jesus-the cross...that's what is eternal! That's how he was feeling too but since we're having a 4th of July day, he felt some conflict. But you know being an American is NOT gonna save you on judgement day! The only thing gonna save you is the blood of Jesus. And I believe on that day, no one will be caring or thinking about what country they are from or where anyone else was from as we all bow before the King of Kings & the Lord of Lords!!!

Now before I write anymore, I want you to know I'm very political, completely right wing, LOVE the USA...BUT the USA is not an eternal country! This world one day will pass away. I'm thankful to be a citizen in the USA but my real citizenship is in heaven! I feel uncomfortable when people began "worshipping" the USA! God has blessed our nation but America is not the promised land! Some people equate America with God...God is so much above America, there is no comparison!

We do not have flags in our church. The ones we had were very dirty and we took them out and it's not high on our agenda to replace them. We do have one in the church lawn that pays respect to our country but to me the things in a sanctuary are symbolic (or practical- mics, ceiling fans, etc...) It's not that I don't love the USA but this world is not my home, I'm only passing through. I thank God for this country & for all the blessing He has given but it is not my final home. So inside the church, I personally feel it is inapporiate to have the American flag honored daily as if it is as important as the Christian flag. (not that I think the Christan flag has to be there either, I've always thought that was a bit weird...to be honest...) Out in our church yard we have the American flag flying. We used to have a christian flag there also but it got old and was taken down. One thing that made me very uncomfortable was legally if the American flag is flying then any other flag is to fly beneath it if on the same flag pole. That bothers me for the symbolism of the christian flag is far above the American flag! I don't want any other country flying above the American flag but the symbolism of the christian flag flying below it REALLY bothered me. I know many churches deal with this by flying the flags on separate flag poles but that was not what we had....

I worry about the "separation of church & state" but I don't worry about Christianity influencing this country, it's laws, morals, values...I worry about the state influencing the church's morals, values etc.... I think Christan's should be all up in politics and that we should influence the government justly but I do NOT want the government to influence us. Whether the present government in "a friend " to Christians or not. We should take stand on moral issues and stay up for godly principles, things that are clearly in God's word!

So before I'm beheaded...take a moment & think about what I've written. What is more important to you? Do you confuse the USA with God? Do you think because you live in a "Christan" nation it makes us more right than other countries? We are IF we are following God's principles in dealing with situations but when does that happen? America is not equal with God only a servant that God has used to reach this earth for HIM.

I'm not a USA basher! That makes me madder than fire when I hear some people I know doing that! I want to bash in their heads for them. The people I know that are so ready to bash the USA are usually LOSERS with a capital L and if you reading and you wonder if I mean you? Don't wonder I do!!!!! I love the USA but I do not equate it with God! There is a difference. I would give my life for my country BUT only if my country was right! Why? Because I serve a higher authority! The values of America are ever changing, God's values do not change with time. He is the same yesterday, today & forever. Singing "God Bless America" is not going to meet your need in your darkest hour but singing "Amazing Grace" will give you the strength to go on! Why because God's songs, words, and power is eternal while the United States is only temporary!

So when it comes my time to stand before God, all "the things of this world will have grown strangly dim in the light of HIS glory & grace. So be thankful God has blessed this country of ours', be appreciative for the men who have fought & died so we could keep our freedom but know true freedom comes from the ONE who gave His life so we could live for ever in eternity in God's kingdom!!

New look to my Blog

2010-06-30T09:35:00.002-04:00

Hope you like the new look. It seems easier to read and is pretty.

Just finished a 2 1/2 mile walk on the hospital track which is very hilly. I realized when we were in NC that although I walk 3 miles or so a day, I was not in very good shape. I'd been walking around the lake or at the Hillsborough River. It was better than nothing but didn't really get my heart rate up or cause me to have to work very hard. I'd sweat but this is Florida....So now I hope this is the key for me to get in better shape.

I really want to have stammina and be able to tackle hills! I want to make sure I stay healthy for my kids espicailly Sam! Reading the guidleines for what my waist should be makes me realize I have a way to go! For woman if your waist in more than 32 inches, you have a HUGE risk of all kinds of diseases and heart issues. I'm not about wanting to fit into a certain size but I want to be healthy so I can live this one life God gave me!

Lonely

2010-06-29T17:55:00.003-04:00

Just feeling lonely today. I was able to run some errands in Lakeland by myself w/out kids...but really wanted a girlfriend to hang out with. So I did everything by myself, even ate by myself...I NEVER do that. But felt like crying....I'm not usually like this but I just feel lonely, I have for years. I used to have so many friends to hang out with that I had to juggle people around...But some folks moved away, I quit work and lost touch with a lot of friends and I think lots of people are overwhelmed by the life I live now. I have so many responsibilities that my life is so structured with all I do for Sam -it's too much for others. I noticed some ladies out shopping together laughing and having a good time and I thought "God I really crave that!" One thing though, you can't make a friendshop happen anymore than a romantic relationship. You either click with someone or you don't. And there is nothing worse than having to hang out with someone who you just don't get or who doesn't get you!! And I'm a different kind of person. I'm not spiritual enough for most other pastor's wives or even churh ladies but I'm too spiritual for heathens...LOL that's a joke everyone!!! Untwist your .......!!!!!! But I am "different" in the way I look at life than alot of people. My husband kids me if I haven't been friends with someone for 20 plus years then I don't care anything about them! That's not quite true but boy I wish all my "old" friends didn't all move away from here except for a couple!

When I had Sam, I hate to say it, but I found out who my true friends were and sad to say, there weren't a ton of them. Oh sure I have tons of causal friends but true friends are few and far between. It's hard. I've always been such a "social butterfly" that loneliness is hard at times. I've adjusted and can deal with it but it still stinks. But I can't do the things I used to be able to do. I can't just go and run and be free. If nothing else I know I have 30 eyedrops to get into my baby's eyes before he goes to bed at night. So life is structured around what my son needs. But that's ok and it will always be ok! Whatever I have to do for him is worth any small "sacrifice" I think I make!

Sometimes I look at my friends who are my age and all their kids are at least in high school or at least teenagers and I still carry a diaper bag! It's different and will always be different since Sam probably won't progress much mentally or physically past the point he is now....And this may sound stupid to other people but I feel like Sam is my own sweet angel to take care of and one day when I'm in heaven I'll have all the time to rest, relax and be with friends and God but my time now is to take care of my son. That is truly how I look at my life but I do get lonely for friends...

What a whiner I am...maybe I'm PMSing:) Soemone please send me some meds:)

More vacation pics

2010-06-29T09:51:00.003-04:00

Some random shots...we took over 300 pictures. I've already got the photo album done. that makes our 20 something album since we had kids or maybe 30 something...I love having pictures & videos of the kids. They grow up so fast!

As you can tell we had so much fun! Hope we can do it again! AS far as I know the kids didn't break anything in our friend's cabin...I quickly went through and put all the breakables away as soon as we got there! Hope I found them all and put them back out too! Haha don't want them to think we took something home with us! But I know breakables and 3 boys do NOT mix especially when one can't see very good and thinks everything is a ball!

Summer....

2010-06-29T08:51:00.003-04:00

I make a goal to write more on my blog then LIFE gets busy...

We had a wonderful vacation in North Carolina. A man my husband works with offered us his cabin in Murphy NC- the very most western corner of NC. We had a blast! We left out the day after school was out. the first full day there we visited 4 falls about an hour away. How beautiful that was! On Saturday we went to Cherokee NC and the edge of the Great Smokey Mountain Park. Jon & I had been there years before without kids so it was neat to go back. We even stopped and fed the bears in Cherokee. Jon got mauled by a little bear, it was sorta funny. I did ask if the bears had had their rabies shots and they had:) On Sunday we visited the Assembly of God church in Murphy. The folks were so sweet & welcoming. I know people say things like that about churches but this one REALLY was! The pastor preached a good solid sermon and we all went out to eat afterwards and someone even picked up our lunch:) They sang a melody of songs that reminded me of when we used to go street witnessing back at SEC. Kinda warrior type 80's songs. I hadn't heard them in years but remembered every word once we started singing. Steve (who makes fun of MY music) said during the service, "those sound like Petra songs" The pastor's wife sat with Sam in the nursery & he stayed with her the whole time! Glory1 That was a first:) That afternoon we drove to Hawisa Dam and also to Field of the Woods where there is the biggest 10 commandments. We walked up all the steps to the top. Dear Lord I thougth I was gonna die!!!! By mistake on the way there we drove into Tennessee and drove through Ducktown & Turtletown...what funny names!!!

On Monday we had to have our brakes fixed. Evidently we were riding them too much! They may have had some issues before but anyhow a guy from the church fixed them and basically just charged us for the parts! I'm telling ya NC folks are great! Then we drove to CHIMNEY ROCK my FAVORITE mountain!! I actually went there as a kid with my aunts (40 yrs ago this JUne...funny...) and Jon and I had been there a few times years ago so it was great to take my kids there. We walked all the trails including EXCLAMATION POINT! I do NOT remember it being so hard 20 years ago hahah! But it was beautiful and we had a blast. Jon carried Sam in a backpack we rented. I do NOT know how he made it up the mountain with him. I could barely get myself up!!!

On Tuesday we rode the Great Smokey MT Railroad. The kids loved it. I got a bit of motion sickness. It was beautiful and a new experience for the kids, they had never been on a train. We splurged and bought tickets in the a/c car. So glad we did! It was a hot day. The boys were all over the train and Sam loved the motion of the train. It was a fun day capped off by a TCBY (y'all remember them -This Can't be Yogurt) On Wednesday Jon & Steve went whitewater rafting! They had so much fun a real dad& son thing to do. I stayed at the cabin with the little boys. On Thursday we stayed in the Murphy area and hit all their thrift shops. I bought a nice dressy denim jacket for $2 and an afghan for $3:) We drove to the Folk School in the area and looked at their gardens and went through the village of Brasstown.

We drove home on Friday..what a wonderful fun time we had. The vacation was dubbed "the biggest loser vacation" cause we walked so much up & down mountains and to falls....I hope we lost some weight. I thought I ws in good shape since I walk a few miles almost everyday day...Well here's a bulletin for you...walking in Florida and waling in mountains are TWO ENTIRE DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!!! There was more heavy panting going on and my heart was pounding out of my chest...I didn't even care what other people thought either. When we'd met folks on the mountain, they were all dying too! We'd just weakly nod at each other & keep going!

So thankful for that time with my family. Often you hear the phases "God will give you the desire of our heart." Well it truly was the desire of my heart to take the kids to the mountains this summer. I thought about it last year and thought this would be the perfect year to do it. And God worked it out! the guy who doesn't know us real well ( maybe if he had he might not have offered..LOL) offered Jon out of the blue the use of his cabin! We could have never afforded to do it otherwise! It was a wonderful time of making memories together and having fun!!!!! I'm adding some pictures from our trip- hope you enjoy them!

Perseverance...finishing strong!

2010-06-03T01:46:00.005-04:00

Tonight I was looking at maps, reading a book about North Carolina, planning our upcoming vacation when Jon turned on the tv. Now as a disclaimer, I hate christian tv for the most part. There are a few people on that I know personally, like Arthlean Ripply (she has a local show), a friend of our's does a night show I'm told although I've never stayed up late enough to watch him, and I actually rather like Jim Bakker...so sue me....

But anyhow Jon turned it on TBN that I will normally only watch with him IF he is rubbing my back and I have a good book to read:) but there was a young man on from Steve Hill school(remember the Pensacola Revival) who was preaching! And it was truth....I told my husband we needed to play that Sunday morning1 The guy was basically saying QUIT saying you are a christian and you still living like the world..living with your baby's mama, smoking a little weed...etc....It was RIGHT ON! Then Steve Hill got up to share. Steve has been dealing with cancer for a few years now. He shared that with the audience and he shared realistically about what was going on. BUT his purpose is sharing was to talk about perseverance! He said he wanted to be remembered as a man who was faithful to God through the good times AND through the bad times! He shared how God uses him when he is at MD Anderson weekly, how he ministers to other patients and their families. He didn't give no big faith talk as in "I'm believing God for my healing" NO he radiated TRUST in God. He know he is in God's hand, what ever happens!!

Oh how the church needs to hear that message!!!!!!!!

Recently I knew a man, who had cancer. He desperately wanted to be healed. I do not blame him in anyway what so ever. He was only in his 40's, had a family, a ministry...plus he was going through terrible pain with the cancer. I read his blogs. While my heart went out to him in what he was going through...I felt troubled by his writings. there was alot of anger, even directed at God, there seemed to be alot of begging and going here and there for someone to pray for him for him to be healed. I even wondered how or if he was preparing his family, teens to deal with his possible death....There seemed to be little trust. I don't blame that man for all he was feeling and I'm sure God didn't either. I feel the blame lies with preachers, pastors, tv evangelists who focus so much on this earth and living here that we forget that we all are gonna die!

I look back at my own life. When I lost the twins, I felt like God had broke a promise to me! Now where on earth did I get that idea???? If you would have asked me straight out, I would have been shocked by that questions. I had great theology. I had a degree from Southeastern college in Bible. I wan't some flake, some "name it claim it" But in my heart, I felt like God owed me. Here I'd serve God all my life since I was a child. We were serving God on the mission field, in the inner city of NYC, and I should have been "covered by the Blood" & "under God's protection". Why not? I was "in the middle of God's will- the safest place to be" and yet, my children died, I almost died ...and I began to believe God had tricked me! He'd broke His promises...I became increasing bitter at God, the whole world....I had NO trust in God. I began to walk away from God, baby steps at first, then I began running away from God as hard as I cold all the while shaking my fist at God.....

So where did this idea come from that God owed me? From many ministers over the years who probably didn't examine their sermons very well. They wanted to excite people. They began to make all kinds of promises that God didn't make! You know what I mean..."come to Jesus, your life will never be the same..." In subtle ways, the message cam across, if you're living for God nothing bad is really ever going to happen to you...No they didn't come out and say that -at least most of them didn't - but it was there. It was there even in some of the newer Christian songs...It was there in the Christian circles "hey how are you? "I'm blessed and highly favored of the Lord" Well heck if you're blessed & highly favored of the Lord life is gonna be great right????

Well according to the Bible that is just NOT true. You can look in the OT at JOb! Or David, read the Psalms what outpouring of feelings....And since God allowed the Psalms to be in the Bible, He must be ok with people making negative confessions....Whew David is more real than I have ever been!! I just opened my Bible to Psalms 102 3-7 "For my days are consumed like smoke and my bones and burned like a hearth. My heart is stricken and withered like grass so that I forget to eat my bread because of the sound of my groaning my bones cling to my skin. I am like a pelican of the wilderness I am like an owl of the desert I lie awake and am like a sparrow alone on the housetop" WOW that is pretty rough huh??? But it is in the Bible!

Ok you can say that's the OT we live in NT times...ok...

My favorite verse in the bible, the one that is NEVER in the little "Bible Promise Books"...John 16:33...in this world you WILL have trouble....some versions read tribulations....There it is, Jesus said...You WILL have trouble in this world...but we are looking towards the world to come or shouldn't we be????? Look at Paul in 2 corthinians 11:23-29 Are they ministers of Christ I speak as a fool I am more in labors, more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently ...3 times shipwrecks...in perils of waters, of robbers, in the city , among false brethren, often in hunger and thirst...besides the other things that come on me daily..." I think this is the scripture Steve Hill used tonight....

I don't hear that message very often do you? We share it, with our church...life is hard but God will walk with you even through "the valley of the shadow of death" Everyone wants to be delivered out of that valley but that's not how it works!

I want to be strong! I want to persevere to the end. I want to be faithful to God despite the trials that come my way. I want to live my life so that others can see that you can walk with God through the hard times. You can totally TRUST even when you don't get the answer you want. God is still on the throne although our world may fall apart....

So how did I turn around? It took a long time, years...hard times....but I began seeing God in a whole new light. so now I try to share that with others. god doesn't promise if you come to him, you get a shield that will protect you from every bad thing , every germ, every accident, every downsizing at work...but He will be your shield as you walk through life and He will give you the grace you need to face each day. It rains on the just & the unjust, we all live in a fallen world but the difference is this world is not our home, we are only passing through! We know who hold tomorrow and who will give us the grace we need.

You can trust God even when the tears are streaming down your face, I know cause I have tears alot but I know that God is with us! He can be with you too!

Discrimination!

2010-05-27T08:13:00.003-04:00

For the first time in his life, Sam was a victim of discrimination....

I took the boys to get their hair cut yesterday at a shop. I had signed all three of them in and Shad was already in a chair. Sam was chirping, really excited cuz he loves to have his hair cut especially the razor part. Steve, Sam and me were sitting waiting and the next stylist walked over and asked for Steve. He was on the list next, but I had put them down in random order. I told her it's ok take Sam so he doesn't get antsy. She began to argue with me and tell me that Steve was next on the list. I said it's ok they are all my kids take Sam...then I caught on to what she meant. I looked up in her face and she had a look of total disgust on her face while looking at Sam! Then she asked me if he'd set still and I said yes, I'll hold him. But at this point I was staring daggers at her. Even Steve caught on to the fact this lady didn't want ot touch Sam. Then she very prissy said "well if he moves, I'll have to stop, that's store policy" She said it like she wanted to intimidate me. Well she picked the wrong mama! I told her that is fine, we will go somewheres eles, I don't want you to touch my son. She was a VERY put together person, every hair in place....thought she was too good to work on my disabled child! It was so clear what she thought of Sam.

I told her to go on we'd be leaving when Shad was done. Then I saw her in the mirror saying something to the manager and laughing. Well at that point I was ready to wipe the floor with her! But the manager came over and asked me what was wrong. I told her what happened and she apologized to me and offered to cut Sam's hair. She said the woman had given her another story but didn't tell me what that story was. She told me her brother was almost blind and had cornea problems. She sent the lady on a break and then began to talk more freely. She seemed intimidated by her staff. She handed me the lady's name and encouraged me to call their corporate office (which I was planning to do so anyhow) I did as soon as I got home and they are starting an investigation.

I know the words don't seem so bad, but the look on her face and in her eyes was so mean! She looked as if Sam just totally disgusted her! I mean yes Sam has eye problems and makes funny noises but he's the size of a 2 year old!!! It's not like he's a 6 ft drooling man who might grab her or something!!! Sam is a baby. He's the size of a toddler. He is so cute, how could someone act like that???

I almost cried after it was all over with and it hit me! What a total jerk this woman was! I wish I'd been alot more outspoken with her but I think I was so shocked by her reaction that it caught me off guard. I thought later when I was telling Jon about it it...that lady was like Miss Perfect but you know that can change in an instant. she could get sick or have a car wreak and become disabled. I wonder how she'd feel then? Would she want folks to show her compassion or disgust?

The bible even teaches if we show compassion then compassion is showed to us....wonder if she ever thougth about that????? I have no compassion for that lady ( and don't nobody tell me I should!!!!!!!!!!! and I mean that !!!!!!) But even before Sam, I had compassion for handicapped people. It made me sad not disgusted to see kids who through no fault of their own had issues. I can't even stand to see an animal suffer....I dont'know how someone like that can even work around other people. Surely that wasn't the first time her true colors came through and won't be the last!

One good thing, I am more saved than I think I am! I have to admit, talking about it, my first response would be to cuss her out or even hit her. That's what I feel like! But I did neither. I actually was very calm although my heart was racing! I'm thankful that my God responds took over and m=not my flesh cause I might be writing thias from the county lock up!!!!

I love Sam and am so proud to be his mommy! I'm so glad God gave him to us just the way he is!!!!When he makes all his sweet noises and hugs me, nothing could be more priceless to me!

In Christ Alone

2010-05-16T16:46:00.000-04:00

Keith & Kristyn Getty "In Christ Alone"

2010-05-16T16:44:00.000-04:00

Healing Faith etc......

2010-05-16T15:44:00.002-04:00

Here we go again...

Today we had a couple visit our church. Nice couple..always glad to see new faces....BUT...my husband and I get socked with a whole rant of "word of faith" teaching on healing....

What is up with people who think they have all the answers to sickness/disease? Why MUST they bother us? Go find some children's hospital ward and clean it out if you have so much faith ....I get so tired of people (especially people who are NOT in full time ministry) who want to "share" with us scriptures about healing! Does my dear son bother you that much? I LOVE MY SON JUST THE WAY HE IS!!!!! I'd love to see your numbers on how many blind, brain damaged children you "healed" I imagine your numbers are about where mine and every one's else is at! ZERO!

Through this journey with Sam, I have had such a simple sweet trust in God to bring us through. I do not blame God nor do I question Him. God is good, even when times are rough. God has revealed Himself in such a sweet way as we've trusted HIM. So that part of my journey has been wonderful!

The part of the journey that totally SUCKS is when things happen like they did today. People who don't really have a leg to stand on bibiically, want to take scriptures and turn them into some type of silly formula that supposedly brings forth healing. I'm so glad my relationship and understanding of God is so much deeper and fuller than that. I believe God can heal, but it's not up to me who He heals. I'd love to be able to bring healing to everyone but that doesn't seem to be God's plan. Not everyone gets healed, in fact few people get a physical healing on this earth. Now I'm not talking about the time God healed your headache, or your toe nail...I mean true life changing healings...cancer, aids...etc....I think alot of what we call "healings" are nothing more than the body behaving as God intended for it to do and the headache goes away. I get so tired of people telling me how God healed their headache....Look in the Bible for bibically healing...no medical intervention, a total healing...Alot of times someone will say they've been healed of something, say cancer, but in fact they had surgery, chemo etc...that's not a bibical healing. Not to say that one shouldn't be thankful and grateful to God for any help but let's not degrade the term healing. Someone told me that Sam had received a healing for his eyesight when he had the implants. Now I am so grateful to God for the doctors and the wisdom they've learned BUT that is not a healing! I think God could do alot better than have me do 30 eyedrops a day if He healed Sam!

So WHY do people feel they have to share this "inside knowledge" with us? I've had some crazy things said to me over the years and I'm sure some people I know have wanted to say more but they stop because they KNOW not to go there with me!

Today was a great Sunday, everything was a go and so I speak to a new couple, we have a mutual friend and almost from the beginning of the conversation, I start to feel uncomfortable. I try to steer the conversation back to other things and to speak matter of factly about my son but the conversation keeps getting steered back into uncomfortable waters...I mean do I really what to have a theological debate a few minutes before church is to start? Anyhow I walk away and just try to forget the bad parts ...good service...we have a short prayer for Sam since he is having surgery this week (evidently Jon did not pray the prayer of faith for Sam)..Jon preached a good uplifting message...then after church, unbeknown to me, the husband gives a list of scriptures to Jon about healing etc and begins to lecture Jon...Jon let the guy know he had read Kenneth Hagin too (and was so passed all of that!)....It really made my husband mad too...Here you've never met us before and you begin to show how more "spiritual " you are to us. You don't live our life! You have no idea what we've walked through!

You know it looks so foolish to me and to the watching world...all the silly Christians who run around like chickens with their heads cut off claiming this and that, taking authority over this or that when they have no more authority or spiritual growth than the man in the moon! I'm so glad that my relationship with God is not one of a frantic little human who has to repeat a mantra over and over again until God takes pity on me! I trust God even when I don't understand, even when the winds are blowing...and I treasure the fact that I can trust God through it all! It's taken time for me to get anywhere near that point and it's only through his grace that I'm able to do so!

Anyhow I just had to vent...

2010-05-12T17:46:00.000-04:00

This is from Sam's caringbridge page...for Mother's Day....

Happy Mother's Day!
I love being a mom & I love being a mom to my Sam! Being a mom to Stephen was always so easy, never any real problems, from his birth on he's been "Even Stephen". We always felt God gave us Steve to ease us into parenthood. He was such an easy baby/toddler/preschooler/ elementary now middle school kid- soon to be HIGH school. But being a mom to Sam has taught me so much! I feel like I grew up and put on "big girl panties" with Sam. The responsibilities from the pregnancy on have been mind blowing. I feel like I've had the responsibility of his very life in my hands and that is a heavy load. I am thankful that God has been beside me all the way, cause I don't know how I would have handled things without Him!

You get use to all the meds, doctor trips, machines...you're the mom. I've seen it with other families who deal with mucy harder issues than we do, you do whatever you have to do in order to take care of your child! It just become a part of the "new" normal" for your life!

I'm so thankful that God entrusted us with Sam, every day is a gift, every laugh, every snuggle...sometimes I just hold him close to me and kiss him on the top of his head and my heart overflows with gratitude to God who gave me such a wonderful blessing! It's not been the easiest path, but I wouldn't trade it for a million dollars! There are parts, I'm glad I don't have to relive-you couldn't pay me to go through his first year again! That was rough but I wouldn't trade it!!!

May 19th Sam has an EUA (exam under anesthesia) scheduled in Miami. It's not really a surgery, Sam is just put under for an hour or two at the most for various eye exams. It's the only way to take a picture of the optic nerve and we have to constantly compare the picture, from the previous picture to make sure there are no glaucoma issues causing damage to the nerve. With an EUA it is possible to examine every little part of his eye and make sure all is well. It is necessary but I HATE it!!!!!!!!

It's scary for anyone to go under anesthesia but with Sam there are so many issues. It's always a stressful time for me and I make it stressful for everyone involved! He has to get in early so he doesn't go too long without eating/drink cause of his hypoglycemia. And sometimes being under anesthesia messes him up no matter how perfect the timing is. The last time he was under in August, he ended up back in the hospital when we got back home for 3 days. Miami Bascom Palmer is great but they are a teaching hospital and sometimes, try to use NON board certified anesthesiologists on him. Once I stopped them as they were taking him into surgery and insisted on a board certified doctor. (non board certified don't mean they are not doctors, just that they haven't taken their boards yet) As you can imagine, I'm not the most popular mommy that comes in!!!!! The head of anesthesiology once wrote in an email (that I accidentally read) that I was neurotic!!!!! Let me tell you, we had a "come to Jesus" meeting !!!!! Sometimes when a doctor deals with non life threatening health issues, they don't always look at the BIG picture so God has placed me there to help them at least in Sam's case!!!! I'm not saying that they are bad doctors, JUST that 99% of their patients have no other issues....so it's easy to think of things as routine when they are not! I had shared that email with our favorite doctor down there and he was laughing and saying how he felt sorry for the guy when I got ahold of him! It was pretty bad. Jon still laughs about it and says I FINALLY have a diagnosis for myself, I'm neurotic!!!!!! I've had to do CPR on my son, hook him to a machine evey night and watch him have seizures...I have EVERY right to be neurotic!!!!!!!!!!

So there is a lump in my tummy thinking about the EUA in a week and a half! Good news is that there is finally a decent hotel near the hospital. In the past 6 years, for the most part we have stayed at we lovingly call "the Roach Inn'. Because of traffic and where the hospital is at, it is so much easier to stay by it! Bascom Palmer (BP) in on the University of Miami's medical campus. There are about 20 large hospitals on the large campus. Everything from Jackson Memorial, to a mental hospital, a Parkinson's hospital Cancer, Ceder's Sinai....etc......The whole campus is in the HOOD!! It borders Little Havana to the East and Liberty City to the south. It's in the corner of I-95 and the Dolphin "Expressway" and the bridges to take you across to the beach. A few times we've stayed over at the beach but it's just too far in the mornings and a couple times we've stayed by the airport which is only a few exits to the west but if there is bad traffic, it would be impossible to be there on time plus on the day of surgery, it's a pain to have to pack up your room and get to BP by 6 or 7 am...But now there is a Harriot Suite within walking distance (not that you'd want to walk cuz there are some rough folks out there!) I remember the first time we went down knowing how often we'd be going (they told us to count on coming at least once a month) and I cried cause I just didn't think I could do it!!!!! It is not the Miami of Miami Beach!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyhow I'm so thankful to have a safe nice new hotel to stay in. It even has shuttle service for the 3/10 of a mile so I could leave the hotel room with Sam and they can pack up the room and then come and join me at the hospital (y'all know you have to gt there so much earlier than when the surgery actually begins) And it's only $109 a night- the Roach Inn was $80 a night and I can't tell you how rough it was! Even tho most of the customers were people associated with one of the hospitals, not everyone was....we'd just check in and go stay in our room after we thoroughly sprayed it with Lysol!!! Anyhow this takes alot of stress off me!!!!! I could even go by myself if I had to. I did go one time for some appointments by myself (and Steve) a few years ago but it was unnerving. And y'all know I'm NO wimp!!!!!!!! It is a rough place for a hospital!!!!!!

So that's what up with us! I'll let you know how his EUA went. Please keep him in your prayers that all is well. We only have one eye that is functional now and it wuld break my heart if soemthing went wrong with it! That's why we faithfully do 30 eye drops a day. When I get frustrated by trying to get them all done, I remind myself, how blessed we are to have the option to take care of his sight! What if nothing couldhave been doen and he was completely blind???? I'm thankful for the sight he has!!!!!!

Change- the Tea party

2010-05-02T08:16:00.004-04:00

Wow there is so many different things on my mind...I have a friend and she & I say we could solve all the world's problems if we could just rule it for a day...hahaha but sometimes I just want to fix things! I can think of several people's lives I wish I could change for them and set them on the right road in different areas....I wish I could change my country for sure!!!! Oh but I can do that! It takes one person at a time combined with others to see TRUE change in this country. My brother recently sent me an email with the heading "Three things to thank Obama for" Well my brother is taking chemo right now so I thought maybe his dosage had been upped and was messing with his brain cuz he is a STRONG conservative!!! But when I opened it and read it...one thing stuck out to me, Obama's time as president has brought together the people in this country in away I've never seen before!

The Tea party movement and the 9/12 project! This movement, only a year old, has made an impact already on this country. I know some of my religious spiritual friends say "well I'm just gonna pray for our country" It is good to pray BUT I can promise you that our Founding Fathers did ALOT more than just pray!!! They took the action they deemed necessary to throw the English out of this country! Some people take the position that God puts into authority those He wants....I'm not sure that a democracy -where people with FREE WILL - vote is exactly what the Bible is talking about. I know that God knew Obama would be elected but I can't imagine that that would be God's "perfect " will. God allowed Hitler to reign in Germany but that does not mean that was God's will....And it took the USA to bring about a change! I think sometimes we get our Christianity and politics a little screwed up!!!!

America is standing at a crossroads today like never before. It's been coming for a long time since the 60's but this is the shinning hour for the left. They hate our form of government. They want our lives from the cradle to the grave, controlled by the government! But that is not America! I have friends from other countries who barely can grasp the freedoms we have in the USA for health care, decisions for our children, etc...I don't want the government telling me what to do! It's as simple as that. Our founding fathers did not want the government to tell them what to do either.

It's time for us to stand up and let our voice be heard WHILE we still can!!!! So if you are wondering what you should do, get involved...find your area Tea Party, 9/12 project (usually they are combined) look on line, that's what we did. Make your voice heard. Take back this country. I don't want our health care, our fiances, our speech, controlled by the government and I'm sure you don't either!!!

I'm excited about the change that is coming. I love the fact that the old politicians on the left & right are worried about their positions...Let there be change, get rid of all the old politicians who have been there for decades! Term limits!!!!!

Come be a part of history!!!!

Disney

2010-05-02T08:05:00.003-04:00

Some pictures from Disney, the kids loved it. Shad had never been so he even like the parade. He really liked all the roller coasters. He's a brave kid for 6 years old, or too stupid to be scared:) Shad & Steve did alot of running around together. Folks I'm telling you have one kid early on and then wait 10 years and have the others:) It works out so well to have a built in baby sitter! Hey maybe the Duggers have it right!!! Going on the roller coasters really hurt Steve's back I ended up having to take him to the doctor for it.

We had some issues with Sam's handicaped status!!! Just because he is so little, I don't think people understand all his limitations. It was a mess. They offered us another dsy, free and I wrote an email to the head dept of Disney. I was so upset by the treatment we got, I hope no one else would have the same thing happen to them! But other than that the day was fine. Espicially for Steve & Shad!

More pics from HRSP

2010-04-08T14:28:00.002-04:00

More pictures from our day at the river. I love going but I have no envy for the campers! I like to be able to come home to my cool & clean house. I'm an outdoor girl but not one for camping! Too many bugs & skeeters! I can stay outside all day but I want to know I can come home to a clean shower and a/c! Today the mosquitoes were so bad we had to go and buy spray and the little store. I really don't like spraying chemicals all over us but it beat the alternative! But it was beautiful today so it was worth it. We got a good hour hike in, thank goodness for the jogging stroller, it can go over everything. Sam loves for us to walk him, he sang/hummed a little song to us today so sweet!

Hillsborough River State Park trip 4/8/10

2010-04-08T14:18:00.003-04:00

We had lunch then we went to the HRSP. This year we bought a year pass to the Florida State Parks and since HRSP is only about 10 miles from our house, it comes in handy. It's only about 4 miles from the prison so Jon can go and walk there during his lunch break. Most of the trails are very shady and cool, well as cool as it can get in Florida. We saw a big alligator today and some turtles. I'd love to be out there at night with a flashlight, I bet you'd be see alot of red eyes in the River. Red eyes are the alligator's reflection. We used to live on a lake and it was something at night to count the alligators! I like HRSP, it actually has a small rapids, that you can walk to. It's so pretty & peaceful!

Pics from our Easter Lunch and the new chairs for the church!

2010-04-07T13:09:00.003-04:00

Sunday was fun and worked great in the new hall. It was so nice to have lunch in a cool clean new fellowship hall! I loved the big serving areas and we had hookups for crock pots and warmers! Yeah! Fun!

Today the new chairs are in the back of the sanctuary until we can get the pews out. Hoepfully we can sell them on Craigslist!

Easter 2010

2010-04-07T12:17:00.003-04:00

Easter was great! Sam & the other boys loved their Easter baskets. For the first time Sam to some small extent, hunted Easter Eggs. He held his basket and would pick up an egg when Sam would take him to it. He was laughing alot. We had a great lunch at the church in the new fellowship hall and then we went over to some friends home and the boys played in the pool. Shad was so cold he turned blue but he wouldn't stay out of the pool.

The night before Easter Shad decided the barber had not done a good enough job on his hair so he cut it for himself! He has 3 huge chunks missing!!! I didn't mind so much that he did it but he would not tell the truth for the longest time. That really bothered me. There was black hair all over the bathroom counter & floor and eh was standing there with chunks out of his hair telling me he didn't do nothing...I sent him to bed and didn't let hi help with the Easter eggs for the egg hunt. I hope he learned to tell the truth!

We have new chairs for our church given to us by another church in this area! Yeah They are burgany & match the carpet better than the old pews did. I'm trying to sell the old pews on craigslist. If they don't sell soon, off to the dump or Habit for Humanity they go!!! When all the remodelling is done in the church, we'll have green chairs and these will go in the fellowship hall. It all worked out well. It's exciting to see things happen around here!!

By the end of this month, the work should begin on the parsonage roof and hopefully next month on the church. It's exciting to see our dream/vision for this church's facilities come to pass!!!

Easter Baskets- what I learned....

2010-04-03T13:37:00.003-04:00

Early this week I was shopping for the boys' Easter baskets. I always make their own as they like certain candy and it's just more fun for us. I usually don't make Sam one. He doesn't like anything sweet except some real fruit. It's really hard to do some of the more traditional things with/for him. Even Christmas, he doesn't understand opening presents and usually gets rather bothered by all the noise confusion...

So I started getting very upset in Walmart! As I was walking around, I was so sad about life and Sam's disabilities...it swept over me like a flood. I was in the candy aisle battling tears & anger and really trying to deal with my emotions. I haven't had anything like that hit me for awhile! It makes me MAD that he can't enjoy all the things all the other kids do!!!!!! Not that I want him rotting out his teeth with candy but I want him to be NORMAL!!!!!! And that is never gonna happen-it's so hard to deal with sometimes!!

As I was trying to deal with all of this in my heart, I thought about the things that Sam does enjoy and began focusing on the things he loves and I had an inspiration...I filled his basket with cans of black eye peas, soup, a ball and some toys for the bath tub. So I chose to focus on those things that make him happy and not be overwhelmed with the "normal kid things" that he doesn't care about and it really helped me.

Sure I'm still a bit sad, all holidays do this to me because he doesn't react like all the other kids but he's my boy & I would have chosen HIM over all the other kids in the world anyhow so it just makes him unique!

So focus your life on the positives rather than the negatives and believe me it will help. There are many things we can't change but we can learn to roll with life's punches- it makes life easier....

Being Real

2010-03-28T08:22:00.003-04:00

Being Real is very important to me! When I see people who are not real it just turns my stomach whether it's Hollywood or Washington or Church! The hardest for me to deal with is people who are not real in the "church world". As a Pastor's wife I meet all kinds of ministers/missionaries/church leaders and it is so obvious when they are people who are not real. Nowadays it's all about doing ministry in certain ways, are you traditional, seeker sensitive, servant evangelism, "the Way of the Master"? Have you read this one's new book or tried this strategy...? Did you go to this seminar or that one? I know people who use some of these different approaches who are REAL people, and then others who just want to be somebody, the next big mega church leader.

Celebrity ministry is just not something I'm comfortable with. You know what I mean, the big names, the STARS of the Christian world. It makes me uncomfortable. I've gone many different types of meetings and have always tried to be open but I'm to the point in my life that I'm just not interested in being open or going to anything like that anymore.

I may be wrong but in the coming days in America, I do think the Church World is gonna be shaken. I feel that somethings are about to happen in this government, economy that is going to shake this country and the whole world. And I believe when that happens, all the slick talking ministries are going to crumble and what will be left is the local churches.

I'm not saying that every well known preacher/ministry is from the devil and not saved but I do feel that there is a tendency to run these big ministries like they are corporations and the ministry leader is the CEO. And many times a very prideful, showy attitude comes through. People who are NOT saved often see it before Christians and are so turned off by it! That said, we did go to a mega church for many years and it may have been run in some ways as a corporation but the people were real. There are things large churches and ministries can do for the Kingdom that a smaller ministry/church just can't do. So I'm not saying that they are all evil. I'm mostly talking about ministries who are not connected nor under any type of boards/other ministers.

I really hate the attitude of the celebrity ministry. I'm not really that keen on the sparkle, the big "manifestations", who can preach the loudest or have the most spine chilling stories... I really hate emotionalism, being worked up! I go in the opposite direction every time!!! It gets old when you deal with real life everyday!

I've had crazy things happen to me but I don't go around yelling and telling folks about it unless I feel I should. When I was in China, I was escorted back by an angel! It's the wildest thing that has ever happened to me and I still second guess myself to see if it really happened the way I think it did!!! When I hear some folks share, they give the impression they have all kinds of things happen to them daily. Even the disciples in the NT only had only a few encounters with angels, miracles etc...most of what they encountered was persecution, travel and lots of work! But in this day and age, persecution and work does rate high on the sermon titles!!!

So it really annoys me when I see that celebrity mindset! I've determined that as much as possible, I'm not going to be a part of anything like that. There's a balance in everything and I truly believe "All extremes are dysfunctional". I learned that at SEC and that's the one thing I've never forgot! Four years of college and I remember that the most! So anyhow I want to be balanced, but I am not going to be a part of something when I feel the balance is off. I'm not going to contribute by watching something on tv or going to a meeting or reading a book (well I might read it but it would NOT be the reason for what it was written- I would read it only to see what it said, NOT to apply it to my life!)

My life is real and raw. It's not a bad life at all but I just don't have time for silliness or "foolishness or mayhem"! Our church is very grace orientated but not as a gimmick, but just because that is who we are. We can't be anyone else. My husband is not gonna dress like he's a teenager and spike his hair a certain way to look more hip (that always cracks me up when I see ministers trying to look like the youth pastor) but he is not gonna just wear a suit & tie all the time either (in fact he really doesn't wear a suit and tie anymore at all except for funerals & weddings!) We don't force our kids in anyway to be different than anyone else except in their hearts & morality issues. Like any responsible parent we monitor what our kids watch on tv or go and see at the movies but we also try to teach them to monitor themselves!

So be REAL folks! Don't try to HYPE things up! It SHOWS when you do!!!!

Sam said STEVE!!!!

2010-03-12T21:39:00.004-05:00

Tonight we were getting ready to leave my father in law's house and Sam was all excited, he'd been playing on the floor with Steve. We were saying how much Sam loves Steve and I said, "Does Sam want Steve and Sam said STEVE!!!!!!! There was no doubt in our minds that he said it. Then just a couple of minutes later, Jon picked him up and he tried to slide down Jon's front and clearly said Steve again as if he was wanting Steve to pick him up instead of Jon. Since we've been home he has said STEVE a few more times!!!!

This is a huge breakthrough for Sam. We are in AWE of this!!!!

Having said that, there are times when Sam learns something, a new skill and he forgets it for awhile, but he does come back to it so even if this is a one day thing, he has it in his mind now! He has learned then forgotten several things like clapping his hands on cue, somersaulting, but the skills always come back some months later....

So we are a happy bunch tonight! Sam knew I needed some encouragement!!!!

A Day in the life of a Special Needs Mom!

2010-03-11T19:31:00.003-05:00

I haven't been writing much on my blog. Between Facebook and Sam's caringbridge page, I write a bit so I kinda get the bug out of my system but I'd like to be more regular in my writings....

So alot is going on in my life right now, the regular stuff with the family, I'm starting a garden and learning how to be more self sufficient(aka GREEN) and now our church has started the renovations it so badly needs. Everything is good and exciting but it can get a bit overwhelming!

I thought being a stay at home mom would be easy and I guess it would with a regular child but Sam....We have teachers who come every day so my house has to be straighten up. Sam can't be "left to his own devices" at all so I'm always closely supervision and interacting with him. My other boys were very easy in this aspect as they could play for hours on their own. Sam can play on his own some but think about a 1 yr old...that's about where he is so there has to be much more supervision than with a regular 6 yr old. He walks some but outside the home, I have to carry him alot and work with him as he gets easily upset/distracted/bothered. Just going to pick up the other boys from school is an ordeal. First I have to change him out of his zip up pj's . He wears them cause that is the only way I can keep him from having poop parties! Then I have to fight him to get him in shoes, make him walk to the van then put him in cause he can't climb up. As soon as he is in he is fighting to get his shoes off. The ride is fine but he gets upset waiting in the pick up area. If the car is not moving Sam is upset, same way in traffic, at red lights....I'm overwhelmed by the time I get the boys! I'm so thankful for Steve. He gets Sam out at home and usually swings him on his swing which calms him so I can get some things done!

It's hard in a way I could never imagine or really explain properly, it's like living GROUNDHOG DAY over and over...Sam has not progressed in years and probably won't progress beyond this point. Which is fine with us we adore him but it is alot of work! I have no one besides Steve and Jon to help me with Sam. I've looked into respite care but I'm not sure I could leave him with a stranger. Plus I wouldn't trust them with his eye meds...I love being with Sam and most of the time, really ENJOY it but I wish he could show a little progress! When I think of the future it is so scary to me, Will he always be a toddler? When he's 20 and I'm 60 ??? Thank God he's a midget!!!!!! Sometimes I get mad when I get the impression from people that I do nothing but stay home all day! Listen, I used to be a probation officer supervisor and not have the responsibility I do now!! It's a different type of responsibility but it's more heavy than anything I've ever dealt with before!

Everything is an ordeal because we have to think about how Sam might react. There are some restaurants we don't go to because he cant handle the noise/echo factor. He flips out in Cracker Barrels, Sonny's, any place that echos...and he can't deal with waiting in line for anything. We don't like him to be in any crowed place because of germs. When we go out to eat, I take my trusty Lysol or Clorox wipes and wipe down the highchair and table because of the germs. And we always set him between us because it takes both of us to feed him and keep him occupied.

On Fridays we try and schedule appointments and do errands so Sam doesn't have to go because it's such an ordeal. Next week I have a doctor's appointment and Jon can't get off, so I have to take Sam. I'm sure that's gonna be a pretty picture! Poor doc will probably go crazy. Sam doens' do good in doctor's offices, high ceilings, waits...it's rough! He's so little people just think I have a cranky baby but sometimes he gets so wound up it is embarrassing! We have a relative who is going through some health issues and others don't understand why we can't be there more....well it frustrates me because I feel no one understands our life! No one has any idea of what we have to do in order to make it through, just day to day life! One time somebody told em that I make it look so easy to deal with a special needs child...I just looked at the person and thought "you have no idea of what it takes "

Since Sam is 6 years old, I have learned do's and don'ts and I live by HIS way because it just makes life easier not to try and fit him in a mold. We don't make him perform, we flex with him so it's easier for all of us. We do most of the things we used to do, we just do them differently...When we go out to eat, we go somewheres he can handle and if there is a wait, one of us walks him in his stroller until his food is on the table. And it doesn't matter who we have with us, Sam comes first. Often we have guest speakers that we take out to eat, but we do it on Sam's rules:) We still go on vacation, we just gear it around Sam's needs. He can't get his head wet so we don't do water parks as a family anymore, nor do we do anything that requires waiting in line. Thankfully the theme parks have handicapped lines and that's what we are planning to try next month when we go to Disney. If we go to the beach, after a while one of us has to bring Sam back into the room so we stay right on the beach and keep everything close.

We take his snacks and drinks. I just learned to take straws with me as Sam can't drink from a cup and not every wheres has straws anymore! I learned that at Hillsborough State Park at the snack area. I had to give him sips out of the round top of the juice bottle I bought for him.

So I don't mean to whine, so many others have it so much harder than we do and Sam's such a roly-poly joy but there are times when I feel the pressures around me and wonder HOW can I do everything that I need to do? I can't be as involved in the boys' school as I'd like. I JUST had a real conversation with Shad's teacher and half the year is over!!! I was much more involved in Steve's school when we just had Steve and I worked full time!!! I feel guilty about not being there for them as much as I'd like to. Steve was in 3rd grade before he went on a field trip alone! Now those two do all of their stuff without us. With Jon working two jobs and me with Sam....We did make it to most of Steve's basketball games although there were a few, that Sam just couldn't handle and me and him sat outside but at least we were there!!!

I'm not involved in the church as much as I'd like to be. Either Steve or I have to be out with Sam after the singing. He can't stay in service unless he falls asleep, plus there is his eyedrops which usually got out of whack on Sundays anyhow! Even doing simple things like Ladies Ministry is often more than I can handle. And also sometimes I feel so raw, that I don't feel like being all positive and uplifting!

Life is very complicated for us. It's worth it to have our little Sam but it's not easy. I've always had to have my ME time just to read or walk around the mall, or whatever and that's pretty much gone. When I do go out even if it's to get groceries, I feel guilty and anxious because I've left Sam. Now that Steve is 14 yrs old and so responsible, we do let him keep the little boys while I run to the store while Jon is at work but I'm calling every few minutes. It is easier than having to take them all with me or waiting until Jon is home from work.

Anyhow I've whined my limit...I try not to whine much as I see so many other familes going thorugh things and I realize in many ways we have it easy...but sometimes I need to vent!

Church Renovations

2010-03-11T13:07:00.006-05:00

Here are some pics of the work that is going on here at Grace Church. Our old Sunday School rooms/church kitchen has been gutted to make a big new Fellowship Hall and new church kitchen! WooHOO!!!! It's gonna be green and cream to match the church (when it is redone) The tile is in and some of the cabinets. I've picked out some green carpet and can't wait until it's laid:) The big room will be used for children's church on Sunday mornings and the Teen's service on Sunday night. Of course when all the work is being done on the main building, we may have our services in there for a month or so. It's exciting to see things happen around here!!

When we came here four years ago it was so disheartening to see all the junk and decay. But people have pulled together and done alot although there is alot to do. I should have taken pictures from day one but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. But when all the junk was taken away it was better. We have done alot of cleaning out and throwing away.

Looking forward to getting the work done on the church!

Square Foot Gardens

2010-03-11T11:22:00.005-05:00

I'm so excited this week we put in 2 Square Foot Gardens. They are raised beds that are 4 ft by 4 ft. So it's equal to 16 square feet. I put in dividers and have 16 little sections in each garden. We're gonna put in one more next week. It was alot of work but it looks neat and pretty. supposedly now all the work is done except for watering and harvesting:) Let us hope so as I was barely able to roll out of bed this morning. However 3 advils, 3 aspirins, a hot shower, heating pad and a Pepsi has got me back to normal!

I love having these done. It was a goal I had for this year so we'd eat healthier and learn about being self sufficient!

Well I've cleared out our house of anything we don't use or need and cleaned out all our storage stuff. This weekend I'm going to have a yardsale for us and for our church. I'm selling just a few of the kid's toys to make money to buy Sam some expensive therapy toys but everything else is going to the church's remodeling campaign!

I've also taken alot of my clothes/shoes/household stuff I no longer use or want to a consignment shop. I made $17 lst month and I only had stuff in for a few days:) So it's fun to get all this stuff done:) I feel so on top of things and organized.

Last weekend we built a grill with concert blocks. It was fun and the boys really liked doing it. Then we cooked out on it that night. They are so proud of their grill and it worked great!

So we are on our way to being a country family:)

Emergency Preparation----Living Green

2010-02-10T18:20:00.004-05:00

Ok I'll start this blog by saying ..."I am NOT a KOOK". that being said....

Emergency Preparation, living self-sustaining...whatever you want to call it...

I have felt in the past couple of years that we should be more self sufficient as a family. There are so many things going on in the world, politically, natural disasters, threats of terrorism and pandemics, that it pays to be prepared. Ultimately no one can prepare for everything that could happen and our lives are in God's hands but you can make wise decisions that can benefit your family.

So I've started reading books, looking on the Internet and watching some TV shows about being self substantiable and more green. It's interesting to me that so many different kinds of people are saying the same thing. You got people who are FAR left and FAR right as well as people in the middle saying "Be Prepared" We all saw the lesson of Hurricane Katrina where thousands of folks, did nothing to prepare and trusted the government to meet all their needs, and the government couldn't right away. I remember when the first hurricane of '04 was turning towards us and how it went from a small category 2 hurricane to a category 4 in a matter of minutes and how it changed course! I felt true fear as I rushed out to get a few things and there were only a few stores opened and they had nothing. I was unprepared. I don't want to be like that ever again.

So I've been going through all our stuff, to remove clutter. With 3 kids, there is plenty of clutter. I've cleaned out all the rooms, closets and drawers. Why? to make room for provisions for our family. I've still got to go through our storage stuff and I'm gonna have a personal yard sale or just donate our stuff to the church and have a church yard sale.

I've been making a list of things we need in case of an emergency situation that would last for a month or so...What if there was a disruption in trucking and the stores didn't have anything on the shelves? Or the grid was down and the electricity failed for a few weeks? We lived without electricity for 8 days with the last hurricane of '04 and it was hard. We didn't have any in our home nor could you get gas, the pumps didn't work, the stores were closed down...it was rough!

So I have a list and now have space to put the new stuff. So I'm planning to use some of our tax return to stock up on canned goods and supplies. In the next few days,I have an appointment with a company to put a hand pump on our well so if the electricity is out, we can still have water. I have a lady coming to help me set up 2 box gardens for fresh veggies and fruit. They will be 4 ft by 4 ft and have 16 boxes each. In each box I can plant a different vegetable or fruit. One garden should be able to feed a family of 4 for a year. So I'm doubling up. I'm also looking into some fruit trees. I've thought about getting some chickens but....I have an extra month's supply of Sam's meds and I'm going to stock up on at least a month's supply of Pedisure!

Ultimately I trust God to provide but I've felt this stirring inside for awhile now, to be prepared. Having 3 children makes you think more responsibly also! It's important to be able to meet their basic needs. It's funny, but I've meet all kinds of people who are doing the same thing, they feel uneasy and realize they need to be prepared for a disaster.

I'd love to have a "green" home with solar power and all that good stuff but I can't afford that. So I'm doing what I can to be self sufficent!

Rainy Day thoughts on Contentment

2010-02-02T11:10:00.004-05:00

Listening to music, lots of thoughts just drifting around in my mind. Rainy days are comforting to me, makes me feel cozy.

Life is funny, the way different places/people come back into your life. I've had that experience several times. It's funny to me that we are pastoring this church that I attended as a student at SEC. I would have never chosen this, I saw us as working in the urban setting. Funny how having kids can change life. For years Jon and I felt restless, we didn't want to put down roots. Never wanted to buy a house, it would be too much trouble if we moved. We were always looking at different opportunities. I think we thought we might end up back in New York or working in a large city with Teen Challenge. We interviewed different places but nothing seemed right. Then God opened the door to this little church. And Jon was able to transfer to the prison here in town as the chaplain. It's just nice. Recently we were offered a possibility and both of us had no desire to interview for it. It just wasn't something we felt to look into.

Why, because we are content with life right now. We never want to be stuck in the mud, or unable to change but being content is a good feeling. Knowing you are right where God wants you to be at this juncture of life. I always look at life as an adventure, not a destination and time could change us, move us but NOW is nice. The Bible teaches us to be content "in whatever state we find ourselves in". We used to laugh when we traveled so much over that scripture:) But it is so true. I know people who are not content with their job. home. spouse, etc...and those are some unhappy people.

So be content where God has placed you. If you are in the wrong place in life, whether that is geographically or spiritually, find your way back to where God wants you to be.

All the way, My Savior leads....

2010-02-01T11:39:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IttW3GRRGXI

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

all the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread'
gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me freom falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy witll follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love
O the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way...

What else needs to be said...????

Facebook

2010-01-11T18:10:00.002-05:00

I love FB- it has helped me to reconnect to a bunch of friends and connect to a few new ones. Right now I have 415 friends. I have friends from my home town, college days and ministry friends. I also have friends who have kids with vision/health problems like my Sam. It's so neat to be able to connect with these folks by FB:)

On the left of everyone's FB page is a section called friends, it tells how many you have and shows a random selection of six of them. Right now on my Fb page I have some heros...One is a mother of multiples, the next is a youth pastor who just lost her baby girl, the next one is a mom to 10 international adopted kids as well as 4 biological and is a breast cancer survivor. The next picture is an Assembly of God missionary/teacher who is awesome. He just lost his mom in a car accident. The next is a pastor who has his 2 beautiful adopted daughters from China as his picture.. WOW what stories these folks have to tell of the faithfulness of God!! I love looking at my friend's pictures. Sometimes I whisper a prayer for them, sometimes I laugh (LOL) and think of a crazy story about them....It's great to connect with people.

For the first time I learned of a friend's death on FB. A man my age who I'd gone to SEC with years ago. Friends were able to write things on his wall and thank him for being their friend. Without FB, I wouldn't have reconnected with him. He lived in another state and we'd lost touch. As it was, I actually had a "chat" with him on FB a few months ago and I could tell he was still faithful to God.

I've also had a SEC reunion at my church last August that happened following our church bi-annual meeting. Lots of our friends were still down in Florida and were able to come and see each other. This weekend I'm meeting with a group of Lakeland friends to go out to eat with a friend from up north who is coming down to Florida for a visit. That wouldn't have happened without FB.

Last week while we were in Palm Beach we reconnected with a couple who pastored in my town while I was growing up, again without FB it wouldn't have happened!

So I think Fb and the other ways folks connect, Twitter, MySpace, IM, texting are great ways to stay in touch!

Reflections...

2010-01-09T21:51:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Everything is so complicated to me. I have to take everything apart and examine it. there are MANY times when I wish I was a simpler person. I'm not saying I'm some huge intellect and so much smarter than everyone else...I just have to anazlye EVERYTHING! Especially if it's a spiritual matter. Being raised in a very legalistic setting always made me ask "WHY?" whether it was to a family member, a Sunday school teacher or just in my head.

I have many friends who have never wrestled with spiritual issues like I have. They are able to accept things without questions or doubts...I can't even imagine! I wrestle constantly. Not about sin issues, to me that's pretty cut and dried (except for the lottery...DON'T ASK!) I don't really struggle with whether God is real or not. I believe He is real. What I struggle with is more how involved He is in our day to day lives and doctrinal issues. Being raised Pentecostal all my life, I can tell you some crazy stories....I could write a book about odd people and things that I've experienced and seen. What I find I have to do is to separate man and man's ways/thoughts from God.

It always scares me when someone is so dogmatic that they think if it's not the exact way they believe, then you are wrong. I'm not really talking about major doctrinal stuff or what we'd called "the essentials of salvation". In our denomination we had what we call the 16 fundamental truths.... I highlighted the four that are designated as our 'core values" or what makes the Assembly of God unique

Our Beliefs

Our 16 Fundamental Truths

1. We Believe .... The Scriptures are inspired by God and declare His design and plan for mankind.

2. We Believe .... There is only One True God-revealed in three persons ... Father, Son,and Holy Spirit ( commonly known as the Trinity ).

3. We Believe .... In the Deity of the Lord Jesus Christ. As God's son Jesus was both human and Divine.

4. We Believe .... though originally good , Man Willingly Feel to Sin - ushering evil and death,both physical and spiritual, into the world.

5. We Believe .... Every Person Can Have Restored Fellowship with God Through 'Salvation'(accepting Christ's offer of forgiveness for sin).

6. We Believe .... and practice two ordinances-(1) Water Baptism by immersion after repenting of one's sins and receiving Christ's gift of salvation, and (2) Holy Communion (the Lord's supper) as a symbolic remembrance of Christ's suffering and death for our salvation.

7. We Believe .... the Baptism in the Holy Spirit is a Special Experience Following Salvation that empowers believers for witnessing and effective service, just as it did in New Testament times.

8. We Believe .... The initial Physical Evidence of the Baptism in the Holy Spirit is 'Speaking in Tongues,' as experienced on the Day of Pentecost and referenced throughout Acts and the Epistles.

9. We Believe .... Sanctification Initially Occurs at Salvation and is not only a declaration that a believer is holy, but also a progressive lifelong process of separating from evil as believers continually draw closer to God and become more Chrislike.

10. We Believe .... The Church has a Mission to seek and save all who are lost in sin. We believe ' the Church' is the Body of Christ and consists of the people who, though out time, have accepted God's offer of redemption (regardless of religious denomination ) through the sacrificial death of His Son Jesus Christ.

11. We Believe .... A Divinely Called and Scriturally Ordained Leadership Ministry Serves the Church.The Bible teaches us each of us under leadership must commit ourselves to reach others for Christ, to worship Him with other believers , and to build up or edify the body of believers- the Church.

12. We Believe .... Divine Healing of the Sick is a privilege for Christians Today and is provided for in Christ's atonement ( His sacrificial death on the cross for our sins ).

13. We Believe .... in The Blessed Hope - When Jesus Raptures His Church Prior to His Return to Earth ( the second coming ). At this future moment in time all believers who died will rise from their graves and will meet the Lord in the air , and Christians who are alive will be caught up with them , to be with the Lord forever.

14. We Believe .... in The Millennial Reign of Christ when Jesus returns with His Saints at His second coming and begins His benevolent rule over earth for 1,000 years. This will bring the salvation of national Israel and the establishment of universal peace .

15. We Believe .... A Final judgement Will Take Place for those who have rejected Christ. They will be judged for their sin and consigned to eternal punishment in a punishing lake of fire.

16. We Believe .... and look forward to the perfect New Heaven and a New Earth that Christ is preparing for all people , of all time, who have accepted Him. We will live and dwell with Him there forever following His millennial reign on Earth.' And so shall we forever be with the Lord!'

I personally struggle with #12-Divine Healing being provided for in the Atonement. I believe that through Jesus' death, there can be physical healing and I'm glad about the wording, that it is provided for not that it is a given. There are so many folks who feel like if they say the right formula or do enough works, God will HAVE to heal them. I could go on a long discourse here but basically I feel that if you take the whole Bible in context, it is easy to see that not everyone gets healed, there is a "sickness unto death". so many times in my theological circle healing is something that is always expected rather than "God your will be done" Of course our will would be for someone to always be healed. I hate to see someone suffer or families be parted by death, it breaks my heart. But God knows our days and if we trust Him, can we be any safer?

So anyhow other than my ongoing discourse on healing, I can accept these basic Christian doctrines... (And my husband is so thankful...)

I struggle more with how I'm expected to act/react to things. I have a hard time showing emotions in public. I've never been one of thoses"free" worshippers , never felt comfortable praying out loud in front of folks, never gone off in tongues in front of people. In other words, I'm very odd for a pentcostal preacher's wife. I don't have a problem with othr people feeling free unless they get werid but I'm just not like that. So I wonder at times, am I wrong for being like this? Does God want me to go against my personality? I heard someone say once time that if you're a person who doesn't yell at football games, why should you yell at church but if you can yell at football gaemes you should be able to yell at church...well I can promise you I've never yelled at a football game. That is just not me....

I can freely share my faith with someone, I'm actually pretty bold about that. But I don't like praying out loud for a person. If someone tells me their problem, I'll tell them I'll pray for them and I will-but in private...

I never can pop out "christian jargon" You know, "How are you? I'm blessed and highly favored by the Lord" Just recently a lady said something along those lines to me and expected me to respond, well I did but not in the ways she expected me to. I told her I didn't talk like that. Then she acted dumb and asked what I meant so I told her..let's just say I'm probably not high on her list of perfect pastor's wives:)

And then when I hear people preaching, I look for TRUTH in it. Not emotionalism, not Christian jargon but real truth. and it really bothers me when someone is fake and works on the congregation's emotions. Recently I was in a service and there was some of that. I turned off immediately. The preacher made a remark like "You may not like what I'm preaching" well I didn't, it was NOTHING based on the Bible just the speaker's opinions. But I was probably one of the few in the service that felt that way. So am I out of focus or does the whole Pentecostal/Charmatic movement need to become more sound and more truthful? I don't like when I feel like or actually know that someone is probably "stretching the truth" in sharing a story to make a point. I also dislike when I feel someone is preaching their opinion-not scripture and they make such a strong case for what they are saying, it sounds "spiritual" but it's not based on scripture.

I just bought a great book by Margret Redgister, a former missionary to South America called "No Place for Plastic Christians " or something like that...I've just devoured it. It's funny but it's also very self searching. As a missionary she really had to understand what was cultural Chrisitaniy and what was real Christianity.

I think that's what I'm trying to discern...what is cultural and what is what God really expects. If I act a certain way, I may please man but does it necessarily please God? There is nothing wrong with boundaries, or disciplines (like going to church regularly-paying tithes) but when is the line crossed. Maybe no one but me cares about all of this, but I have so many different feelings about these matters.

Songs, I even have a problem with some songs and I will not sing them. If I feel a song is scripturally wrong, I'm not gonna sing it. I feel uncomfortable with some of the newer Christian worship songs which almost sound like love songs. "I'm so in love with Jesus". Ok I'm sorry but the term "in love " means to me a romantic relationship and I do NOT have that kind of relationship with God!! I know the Bible does have some scripture that says we are the bride of Christ(NT), and that God is our husband (OT)and then you've got the Song of Solomon...but for me...I just can't even go there...It's just weird to me. Since Christianity has gotten by for 2,000 years with no songs like that, I think I'm not gonna go to hell for not singing songs that I could sing to my boyfriend...Does anyone else out there relate to me????? Do any of you guys remember back in the 80's the newest Christian phrase ws "Make Love to Jesus"? Ok that totally grossed me out. I went to a church where the minister would use that term occasionally. Other than that he was a normal guy but I thought that was so disrespectful and stupid...And I feel the same about these songs, they are disrespectful to the God of this universe to bring the relationship down to human level like that.

So these are the thougths that roll around in my head. I actually personally am very comfortable with who I am before God, it's who I am before people that is hard for me. I feel judged and found lacking by others at times. Oh I've been in church all my life I could hop up with the best of them, spout off a few "Glory's" and play act but I feel a bigger responsibility to God to be real. But then the flip side as a leader, in a Pentcostal church, should I not be more outgoing? I actually talked with a pastor's wife recently that I really respect about this. She seems ike she has a good balence in her life and she encouraged me to be more open in my responses so that I'd encourage others to be open too. I rarely ask for advice but I felt very drawn to her to discuss this with her and I felt safe with her. I have a lot of trust issues...(obviously this blog helps me to get my feelings out-I think I'm being more honest than ever the more I blog. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing...You don't have to read it fi you don't want to....)

Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed by the presence of God and the thought that the very Creator of this universe loves me and provided a way of escape for me. I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of God's presence in my life and how He walks with me and sustains me. I can look back and almost literally see the hand of God holding me as I've gone through the struggles of life. The night we were told that Sam was blind, the day I ws told that he had brain damage...his 30 minute seizure when I thougth he was gonna die...those memories are cloaked with the presence of God. I can so clearly remember God speaking to my heart about my future when I was a teenager in Perry, standing by my mailbox. I can remember hearing God's voice in my heart telling me I'd have a son named Samuel and he'd change my life. I see how God has directed my life's journey....and I never want to cheapen who God is. I don't take all that lightly, it's very real and precious to me.

I've seen alot of legalisms when it come to worship or how someone praises God. I can remember being in a relationship with a guy during Bible college, and it was not the most godly relationship but he focused on how I worshipped. I told him point blank, I thought God was more concerned where he put his hands on me after church, than whether I was raising mine in church!!! Honey that's LEGALISM!

So many times I feel that the Pentecostals/Charmatics cheapen who God is! One time on FB I saw a STATUS that a minister had written "Attempt something supernatural today" I don't usually read all the comments under people's status' but the one that was right under his status read something along the lines of "I started speaking in tongues when my dogs were fighting and they stopped" I have to admit, I saw RED! I went off on the lady about how stupid and sacrilegious that statement was, to play around with the power of God. I really felt that her statement cheapen the things of God. We Pentecostal/Charismatic would do well to take a lesson from how the Jewish people reverence God and the things of God, they may be extremists on one side, but we are on the other!! I ended up getting in to a lenghty discourse with her and with the minister.

So these are my thoughts...just curous am I the only one who thinks like this???