Out of Surgery!

Out of surgery, she lookds great! Got a "mickey g-tube" like I'd hoped for. All the tubing and tape is gone from her face:) We can see her again and it is great! She didn't have one issue in surgery, it went perfect! Thanks for the prayers!!!!!!!

Surgery

Selah is in surgery. Her G-tube has been placed and now they are working on her trach. No complications thus far. Thanks for the prayers!

Surgery tomorrow~ Five months ago

Selah's surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 2:30 pm. Of course it might end up being a bit later. She will have her trach and feeding tube put in. Please pray that everything will go perfectly and she will recover quickly.

Five months ago today we met Selah and Sarah, hard to imagine it's been five months! In some ways they have always been with us, a part of our family and in other ways it seemed just a few days ago we were meeting them. What a precious day it was to meet these little girls that had captured our hearts and dreams! Certainly, five months ago, I had no idea that just a few months later I'd be sitting beside her as she fights for her life and for her recovery. Sometimes I think if I'd just known what was coming, I would have treasured everything even more than I did. But I did treasure these past five months. They truly were the missing pieces of our family's puzzle. We didn't know we were missing a piece but we were and they fit into that spot just perfectly. This past summer has been the happiest time of my life. My heart was just filled....with love, thankfulness, happiness... I was the mom of TWO little girls who I just adored. It couldn't get any better than it was...now....I still can say my heart is still filled with love and thankfulness. But there is a deep sadness there because I want to be able to communicate with Selah and have her communicate with me. I want to hear her laugh and her little voice. I want her to scoot her booty up on the couch and come and sit with me...Please...Please pray for her!!!

Our time in Ukraine was very precious to us. Yes it was hard/different than what we were used to but a very precious time for our family. We wouldn't' trade it for anything, even the inconveniences, it taught us so much about the country our girls came from. Now looking at the pictures, there are many rich memories in them for us.

Please please pray that our precious Selah comes back to us. Today I have hope, hope that she will be restored to us. But it is faint hope to be honest. My real hope is in God, the maker of heaven and earth. Whatever the outcome will be, I'm walking with Him. See He will always walk with us, but we have to make the choice to walk with Him. That is what I am choosing today. And it is a choice, there are times when things hit me like a giant wave at the ocean. That is when I step back...and remind myself "not to be afraid" and continue walking with Him.

Pray for her tomorrow that all goes perfect and she recovers quickly. Thank you all!!!

Good day!

It looks like Selah will be scheduled for surgery on Wednesday to get her feeding tube and trach placed. If this happens, then we start our countdown towards going home. 4-6 weeks from surgery! I am content in the moment but of course we miss home and all our friends and family!

Today was the happiest day for us with her becoming more and more stable physically and actually responding to her cornea being touched! We've prayed since the accident for this! Now we need to see her cough! Her heart rate and blood pressure still go up too high but they are more on the lower side of high now. The fever is pretty much gone thank God!

This afternoon I went to a couple of thrift stores and got some great deals. Couldn't find anything for the boys, so I had to go to Kohl's to buy them both a sweatshirt jacket. Now we all have a jacket, New York will probably have a heat wave LOL!

We got a chance to eat supper with our good life long friends the Wallenbecks (or at least part of their tribe) at Cracker Barrel and they had SWEET ICE TEA! That is a rare find in the north LOL! We bought Sarah another rocking horse, she seems to miss her rocking horse so now she has one here. She was so happy on it and didn't want to get off:) I told Jon I have no idea how we will get it home but we will somehow! She loves a rocking horse and tries to make everything a rocking horse!

I'm back at the hospital. Selah is resting peacefully, with her heart rate and blood pressure down some.

Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to pray! We saw something new today, something that was unexpected...please pray now that she will cough and gag! That would be amazing. Doctors looks for a cough and gag response. It is a brain stem activity and if it is not there when something is inserted into the throat, it indicates severe brain damage. Please pray that she will start gagging and coughing when she is suctioned!!!!!!

Tonight on the way back to the hospital, we saw the biggest, orange, harvest moon. It was breathtaking! Just think the God who created that moon, cares for us! He cares for my little girl....the thought of that just blew me away! God is so faithful even when we are not! Tonight I resting in the "Peace Peace Wonderful Peace"

Corneal respond

Our fav doctor was in today and reassessed her. He was a little encouraging. she is certainly better physically than she was last week AND both eyes responded when he touched the cornea! Not a huge response but she did respond for the first time and it was in both eyes!

Corneal responds is a basic brain stem response but it shows that a tiny bit more of her brain stem is responding! PLEASE pray for more responses! I am encouraged! We pray that her whole brain stem will respond as well as the rest of her brain!

A New Week

Selah had a good night without fevers! Blood pressure is still up.

This morning I got up cooked breakfast for the kids at RMH (really wanting them to eat healthier we've been awful these past few weeks) Then I did laundry got a shower and did my hair which decided to have a GOOD hair day. I determined that I am not going to be shaken today ( I've got good hair so I won't be LOLOL) Selah is unresponsive this morning but the nurse & I are going to give her a bath soon. The doctors said they may put off her surgery still as she has lots of mucus in her lungs. They suction out all kinds of junk several times a hour. So we are still praying for a miracle. I've decided I'm going to pray until God either heals her or lets me know that we will have to walk this path. So I ask you to join me in prayer for our little girl. Don't forget her, bring her up to the Father until He grants her healing!

I really want to thank you for all the prayers and support, even from folks we have never met. It really uplifts us and encourages us!!

Today I'm going to run to the thrift store and get a few jackets and things for us. We only packed summer clothes so we need to get a few things. Hope I can find everything at the thrift store. I love shopping at thrift stores, you just never know what you'll find:) I am also determined to find some new CDs for her!!! We kept the little dvds "Baby Praise" playing for the little ones all day long on their tv and she loved it so I am going to find one of those. I have listened to the SELAH CD for almost 3 weeks now. They sing the old song "By and By" in the African language that one of them grew up in as missionary kids. I'm too the point I can almost sing it in the African dialect LOLOLOL Time for a new CD! The only other ones we had in the van were Lecrea (christian hip hop) so yep I need to find some more!

Pray that she will wake up more today....

Sunday Sept 2

(pictures~ top one is the of the boys today at church Shad, Sam and Steve
middle one is Sam inside the beautiful church
bottom one is Jon holding Sarah at the back of the church. )


Today Selah has not had any fever. She has an elevated heart rate and blood pressure now but it's been in a more normal range most of the day. If this continues she will be able to have surgery this week for the trach and feeding tube. So physically she is doing good, neurologically no change. She has not responded in any way to us yesterday or today. It is so hard. Really holding on to the Lord right now. I'm feeling sad and overwhelmed by the future.

As you can imagine I get many messages from various people....I know most people mean well but for me, stories of others recovery from somewhat the same type of situation doesn't encourage me. Every situation is so different and generally not at all the same medically. Brain injuries from car accidents or blunt trauma are very very different than near drowning in a medical sense.

Also just so you all will understand where I am theologically...I trust God. Bottom line, I am trusting God, not having a fight with the devil. God is in control of my child's life, not the devil. God has the final word. I do not believe the Bible teaches us to demand things of God. I do continuously ask God to heal Selah. I go to sleep praying and wake up and those are my first and last thoughts of the day,as well as throughout the whole day. I cry out to God for mercy. My hope is that I will be like the widow who bothered the unjust judge so much that he granted her request, and I ask of you to bring Selah's need to God in prayer. But remember the widow asked the judge she did not demand him to do what she wanted/needed. Read Luke ch 18 Jesus says if an unjust judge would respond how much more would God hear us if we cry out to him day and night.

I've seen alot over the years and I have always tried to keep things in balance theologically. To be honest, I have wondered what I would do if faced with a really hard situation. When Sam was born, we did pray for him, but we also accepted him just like he was/is. We saw him as being made in the likeness of God and having a purpose. Yes there were tears but we were able to move on and just be thankful for his sweet life. Sure we prayed for him and even took him places for prayer but there came a time, when we just accepted things. I think of Paul and his "thorn in the flesh". He asked God 3x to deliver him from it. When God did not , he just accepted it. No one knows what the thorn was and it has been the point of many discussions over the years in theological circles...but it seems to have been physical....

Well now I am in a valley that is deeper than anything I've known before... God has given us a peace and an assurance He is with us. How can I demand things of the God who has been with me all the way? As a parent, I would be horrified if my kids demand things of us, even if it were something I was going to give them, if they demanded it, I can tell you, my kids wouldn't be getting it! Now of course God sees our hearts and knows our heart's desires and He is faithful. He understands our fears and concerns. But I think we can be disrespectful to God if we are not careful. In Job 2 Job says to his wife who was blaming God "you speak as a foolish women, shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Most people just want God's blessings and favor in their lives. They don't want to think there will be hard times. Often when the hard times come, they get bitter and turn their back on God because they looked at Him as their good luck charm. When that charm didn't perform for them, they didn't want to serve God anymore. How many times have I heard that...I've even said it at one point in my life.

Oh but trouble can draw your heart to God. It can draw your heart to eternity. Why do you think we have hymns that are so deep? Back a hundred years ago or more, life was hard for all. Children died often, people died young and suffered much... Today we are so blessed and want to live forever on this earth since things are so good. Nowadays we have medicine and air conditioning, nice cars and houses...things are so good we don't need to think about heaven very much.

Unfortunately life is life and none of us get out of it alive! None of us get out of it without heartache and trouble. Some of us seem to have more trouble than others. but we have to remember that this present suffering is NOTHING in comparison to the glory lies ahead. So when our hearts break, we have to remember this is not the end of the story. Thank God!


Today has not been a good day for me to be quite honest. I feel very weak and overwhelmed. There is an almost physical heaviness in my chest. I want to go back to my nice normal life. I want this nightmare over, I want to be home with all five of my kids and be doing all the things that we should be doing right now. I want Selah to get up and be back. Some have prayed that she'd be healed even of the disability she had previous to this...I really don't care about that...we chose her just like she was and I was quite happy with who she was, not sure I want another kid! I just want my Selah back!!!!! I can't change a thing...all I can do is lean on the everlasting Arms. And that is what I'm doing tonight. I'm not screaming at the God of this universe, I'm not claiming some falsely believed promise, I'm just trusting that God is aware of our lowly estate.

I do believe God sent me a word through the lady I met in the mall some months ago...and He said that my family was going to go through something really big and to NOT be afraid. She didn't share anything but that with me. No hocus pocus Christian voodoo just a simple word that my spirit recognize was real even then. Of course, I put my own spin on it in my little bitty mind. I thought it meant we were going to be able to go back and get the three kids we felt drawn to at the orphanage in Ukraine. I even thought "how silly, I'm not afraid" Well...now I'm sure that the message was for this (Lord I hope it was this and there is nothing else ahead for us right now!!!!!!!) So I cling to the "do not be afraid" It was not given in a self righteous tone like God was warning me not to be afraid or I'd be in trouble. But rather it was shared in a comforting way, so that is how I'm trusting in it. She didn't say God was going to miraculously deliver us from something or even give us a miracle but rather just for me not to be afraid. So when the thought of what lies ahead, overwhelms my heart and mind, I remember "do not be afraid"]

So please pray for Selah, pray for us. We are under alot of stress in many ways. It is hard to be away from home but people have been extremely gracious. I've said before we are living in a "bubble of Grace" it is also a bubble that somewhat shields us from tomorrow, I can't think much more than a day or so ahead. When I think of surgery, recovery, relocating Selah to Florida, having to redo our house, all the changes...I just have to go back to this day and live it. I'm normally a planner but not at this point in my life. It's a strange reaction for me to have but maybe that is all I can deal with right now. Thank you again and again for your prayers. Keep Selah before the throne of God for us. Hold us up please. thank you

We went to church and to our good friends' house for lunch. We were going to ride by the Sodus Point Lighthouse but got lost:) I never get lost and have about 3x today! So we will to a Wegmans Supermarket...OH MY GOSH! I was completely overwhelmed....LOL Now I am a Publix girl all the way but Wegmans is quite the shopping experience. It even had candy from Ukraine in it! I have to say in comparison, Publix stores are much larger and easier to find stuff in, Wegmans was large but the aisle were just too small and cramped but there was so much stuff! Geez! And the store was crowded like a hurricane was coming LOL.

First picture

This is the first picture we have of us holding the girls, I have Selah and Jon is reaching for Sarah, getting her out of the wheelchair Lots of happy tears! I'll never forget the moment we walked up the stairs and saw them in the little room waiting for us. There were tons of other people around but we only had eyes for them...

Stable night and morning... Reality of condition

Selah had a good night and is resting this morning. All labs are good but her heart rate & blood pressure remain high. A UTI was cultured last night so maybe that is what is causing the latest fevers. We ask you all to continue to pray for her physically & neurologically. It is a blessing for her to be stable physically for the most part but she needs her blood pressure to go down. It remains in the 140-150 for the top number and the bottom number is running 110-120... Those numbers are much too high.


So please pray for Selah. We NEED a miracle! We need God to heal her. The doctors have given us NO hope whatsoever for any change neurologically. She is in a vegetative coma, to be blunt. If you remember the Terri Shivo case from some years ago, she is less responsive than Terri was on video. So if you can picture that, you know we need a real miracle from God. But we respect Selah and the life that is still within her! I just want you to realize as you pray that this need has NOT gone away. It is heartbreaking to see this little girl that was so full of life, just lying still....Please please pray!

As a child growing up, and as a teen, I used to think I didn't have much of a testimony. I never really went "out into the world" so I didn't have some great story of how God delivered me. Of course I can testify that God kept me from the world. Well all the hell fire and brimstone preaching is what kept me from straying too far LOL But I can testify now believe me! We have been living inside a Bubble of God's Grace these past 2 and a half weeks. This is my worst nightmare come true but the Grace and Faithfulness of God has just flooded us. Yes we cry, at times uncontrollably BUT the Grace of God is there. I've never experienced anything like this. The nearness of eternity...not necessiarly because of the fear of Selah dying, but because of the preciouness of the HOPE that no matter what happens in life, we have an eternal hope that is far beyond the pain of this life. IF God does not heal Selah, we know what kind of life we will have. We have lived in the Special Needs world for almost 9 yrs now and we realize the ramifications of what lies ahead. Is it scary? YES! But even if we have to walk through that, there is coming day when this will all just seem like a slight memory! One day Selah will be completely whole!!!

When we chose to adopt the girls, we knew they had significant disabilities and we were committing to a life long care for them as we have for Sam. We were not afraid because we were already walking that path with Sam and we knew the road to be a road filled with lots of JOY despite the difference from a "normal" life. Now unless God in His mercy heals Selah, we know some of the path ahead and it's a rockier road than what we are used to but we chose to love and to serve them for the rest of their lives. It will just be a different road.

During these days, I've surrendered this to God. I had to. My husband works two jobs and I'm the one who handles the day to day life in our home. Frankly right now, I don't' know how it is all going to work out BUT I know God is faithful and gives us what we need when we need it.

Of course I pray that God will be merciful to Selah and us. I want her back and I'm sure she wants to be back to her normal, enjoying life, following me around the house and learning new things. I pray that God will deliver her from this injury but even if He does not, we will serve God and trust His hand! We will not let our hearts grow bitter towards God. This life is but a vapor...soon we will stand before God and all our tears will be wiped away. On that day, we will say no matter what the road we walked, it was worth it all...

I want you to understand how I think theologically....In NO way do I think God caused or that He willed this accident to happen. We do not serve a sadist God. However we live in a fallen world and life happens...God knows all, He wasn't surprised by this accident but by His own attributes, He is not a genie in a bottle. The Bible doesn't promise us a perfect life and if you are sitting under a preacher that tells you that, RUN!

How many of you have seen the little "Promise Bibles"? They are filled with the promises of scripture which is GREAT! But it doesn't have some promises in there...like when Jesus said "in this world you WILL have trouble" That's a promise from Jesus that you will not hear preached very often in America where we just want the blessings of God. I want the blessings too but I realize that most of our blessings are of an eternal nature.

We are seasoned by suffering. Again I don't think God causes suffering but He will walk with us through it IF we will let Him. Don't get me wrong, I am crying out to God for her healing. I've never wanted anything more than I want this but I know God doesn't always heal. More often than not, we have to deal with the affects of sin (the fallen world- "in Adam's fall, we sinned all") Having been raised in a pentecostal home, being in the ministry for over 20 years, more often than not, I have seen good folks having to walk out their faith in trying situations. To me that is still a victory!

A few years ago, one of our beloved church members got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Dan was a rock for us during some hard times. We prayed and prayed for a miracle. He didn't get healed but he died with such a faith! It made an impact on my oldest son and I know that is something he will carry with him through life. Dam faced death knowing death had no victory over him! Did we want him healed? YES! But what a testimony he left behind!

So I pray in faith knowing that God can heal and deliver Selah but even if He doesn't we still have victory in Jesus knowing that this world is not our home, we are only passing through! So we cling to that sure hope! An eternal hope knowing that God causes all things to work together for the good for those who are called. It might not work the way I want it to, but it's going to be alright. It's going to alright whatever the outcome because we have a sure Anchor! No matter what life throws at us, we have an Anchor in Jesus. That means we have something to hold onto when the hard times come and rock our world. We can still stand and say we will trust God. Our family will still trust God!

Our children are watching us walk through this. They have seen all the things we have walked through and see some real miracles. Now they see us holding onto God's hand through this. When we were blessed with our new van before we left for Ukraine, on the way to pick it up, I turned to the boys and told them to remember that night and God's faithfulness even when they were old men. We were all happy and rejoicing:) but I wanted them to remember how God had supplied a need for our family. Well even in this I want the boys to think back and remember this and remember how FAITHFUL God has been to us as we have walked through this. One day they will be grown, have families and will walk through their own heartaches and I want them to turn to God when those times come.

So if you are reading this and wondering am I just putting my best foot forward on here, let me tell you I'm not like that at all. I'm pretty real (ummm to say the least) but I can tell you this peace is so real and close to me. It is amazing. Truly I have never experienced anything like it. If it wasn't real, I'd be the FIRST to tell you! Often I write about my theological struggles in various areas... sometimes I have had to put disclaimers on my blogs LOL! But this is real...it's not shock, it's not my mind trying to shut down....we are well aware of Life...we are not in denial...but we know Who is with us. Thank you for your prayers for us, for Selah... I can sit here today and say we are blessed, not from the absence of trouble but we are blessed as we walk through the fires of life. We know there is One who walks with us!

So NO MATTER what YOU ar going through, turn it over to God. Don't let your heart get bitter. TRUST HIM! Trust is hard for me. I'm one of those people who is very skeptical of others and don't trust very easily. I had enough psychology classes to diagnosis myself LOL and I realize my life experiences have made me distrustful (not to mention the career I had for many years working in the criminal justice system LOL) So trusting God did not come easy to me at all. It has been a lifelong struggle for me. maybe you can relate to that. But once I did learn to trust, I found that old song "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" to become so dear and true... It is sweet to trust Him.

Friday

First an update on Selah. Her kidney function is perfect, still has fevers, and high blood pressure. Please pray that the fevers go away. We can't go any further right now until that is cleared up. There is such a question about where the fevers are coming from. I know we wouldn't be comfortable with her having surgery for the trach and feeding tube with her having them.

Today she seemed to respond to Jon. He made some of the sweet little noises that she used to make and she turned her head to him as he moved around the bed. It also looked like she moved her shoulders when he would say to her "come to daddy Selah". I'm sure the doctors wouldn't think it was purposeful movement but it looked like it. We try not to get our hopes up too much as there is so much other things she is not doing but we can't help but hope that her little personality will come back to us!!!

Since she was stable today, we went and got Jon's new glasses. He lost them in the accident. This time he had to get bi-focals and is trying to adjust. It was so odd to be at a mall. I think I was in shock, everyone was so loud and the colors were bright! There just was so much going on, it was overwhelming! I did finally get my hair cut. It needed it before we left Florida but I never had time to do it and thought I could just do it up here. Well.....one day since everything happened, I used the dull scissors from RMH to cut my bangs...I couldn't stand them in my eyes anymore, so today I finally got it fixed. Feeling alot better now lol

We came back and ate supper with the kids, thanks RMH! It was a great Taco meal. Now I'm back with Selah, Jon is doing eye drops and getting the little ones ready for bed. Every time I walk in here I have a fantasy playing in my mind that the nurse will run out and say "hurry up she is waking up" please pray for her to wake up . Jon & I were talking about that today and how somehow we still have hope for her. Please pray that she will wake up completely and we will have our funny little girl back with us.

You see, to many in this old world, she was just a cast away, not of any significance BUT to us she was a hidden jewel, hidden away in a mental institution. She was a "pearl of great price" Selah & Sarah both...worth all the tiny (in comparison) inconveniences and cost to go and rescue them. They are princesses to us. We actually thought of giving her the middle name Jewel but chose JoHannah to honor Jon's mom (Joann) She is still our little jewel. I share this so you will know how priceless she is to us and how we care for her.

Good morning

Thank you for your prayers. Selah's kidney function is in the normal range!!! She still is having unexplained fevers, her white blood cell count is going down which is good. When she has a fever her blood pressure and heart rate goes up! So we need to pray for her to quit having fevers!

Last night I stayed at the main RMH with the family and Sam slept with me. he was so happy to have me back that he squealed and rubbed my hair. We all had to laugh at him but were glad when he calmed down and went to sleep:)

I got the kids up this morning and got them to work cleaning our room and doing laundry. They are probably ready for me to leave LOL.

Please keep praying for our girl. We have some decisions to make about going forward with surgery for a trach and feeding tube with these unexplained fevers...pray for wisdom!

Selah pictures

These were all taken in the first week of the girls being home. the bottom picture is Mother's Day, our first Sunday home.....

Memories

The first picture is of Jon and Selah and me and Sarah on the 2nd day we met them in Ukraine at the orphange.

The second picture is Jon with Selah on the 3rd day, we actually go a small smile

And the last picture is Selah her first night home, in her bed!!!!! Want her to be back there soon!!!!!!

Some Good News

My FB update

Thank God! Selah's kidney function test has come down to almost normal levels~ she still is having fever, higher than normal blood pressures and a high heart rate. Please continue praying! Big News, she coughed a little cough tonight! Not when they suctioned her but just lying there. PRAY that she will cough more and get her gag reflux back! If she did, she wouldn't need a trach~! Mommy would be soooo happy!!!

I am so happy for the cough! The nurse was in the room and heard it also, this is the first one she has had. She didn't cough when suctioned but right before. Please Please pray she will cough more!!!!

Today she seemed more alert at times. Of course we have been told there is no intelligent function there, only brain stem responds... I don't know but at times we sense she is there. Today was one of those times we felt she was responding to us with her eyes. Please pray that we'll see more responses.

Well I have been moved back to the main Ronald McDonald House with the family. There were some critical cases and she is less critical. That is a GOOD thing:) We appreciate RMH so much for everything they've done for us. In a sense I am relieved to be back with the family at night and we are only a couple of blocks over from the hospital. As much as I appreciate the In Hospital RMH, there was just an feeling of sadness there, I think I reacted to it by having the bad dreams. I am not used to being alone at night either and I think that made me uneasy also. I hope she will just continue on the road to recovery and we will never have to be housed there again. I pray for the new family coming to take our place that God will be with them. I generally stay with Selah until pretty late, last night I stayed till 1am, I was just too unsettled to leave her.

So please keep praying for her and for us. God is faithful and I thank Him for these answers to prayer. It has lightened my heart, amazing what a little cough can do!!!!!

Chosen

Chosen One

If before you were born, I could have gone to Heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you...
If God had told me "this soul will one day need extra care", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "that one day this soul may make my heart bleed", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me "this soul would make me question the depth of my faith", I still would have chosen you...
If God had told me "this soul would make tears flow from my eyes that would overflow a river", I still would have chosen you..
If He had told me "our time spent together here on Earth could be short", I still would have chosen you...
If He had told me 'all that you know to be normal would drastically change", I still would have chosen you...
Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you...
Thank you God for allowing me to be Selah's mommy!

I went back reading over my blog, encouraging myself and I found this poem. It was written by a mom of a child with cancer. I copied it and used it in a post about Sam. But I thought it was very appropriate for Selah too. And the cool thing is we did chose Selah. We could have walked away from her when we met her, she had some behaviors that scared us and made us question our ability to raise her. But if you have read my earlier posts, those behaviors soon solved themselves since coming into our family. She was chosen, we had to make a commitment to the court to take her as our child...and we would do it again despite the heartache that has come. We chose her despite her mental and physical delays and we still chose to be her parents no matter what the future holds. We were blessed to add her and Sarah to our family.

I know WHO holds tomorrow

Night update: Selah got an arterial line today. Hope it will last. Her kidney function test is coming down a little bit please keep praying. Her blood pressure is up! Not a good sign because with everything else that indicates kidney damage. Please pray. She still has fevers The doctors decided not to do a CAT scan as they need to do it with dye and don't want to tax her kidneys anymore than necessary. Please pray for her. Things are very serious for her right now, please pray for God's mercy

Today I spent the afternoon with the kids at the Ronald McDonald House while Jon stayed with Selah. It's always great to be with the kids but I came back here to alot of things going on. We have some real concerns about her blood pressure, it needs to come down. Her heart rate stays in the 150-160 range probably because of the underlying fevers. Her kidney function numbers are coming down very slowly but that is a step in the right direction, please pray that they will continue to come down. They need to find WHY she has fevers and WHY her white blood count is high. I believe they have tried to find an answer and have left no stone unturned but the reason seems to baffle them.

We need prayer as much as we did two weeks ago. Selah's body is fighting and tired. Please pray that God will heal her. She needs a physical as well as a neurological touch. Please pray that God will touch her heart/mind/emotions and spirit. I worry often about how she is emotionally. The doctors tell us that that part of the brain doesn't work anymore but in my heart I worry that she is afraid and feels alone. I don't know everything spiritually but I pray that God will minister to her during this time, maybe send her an angel...I don't' know, I just want her to not be afraid.

So please pray for her. Pray for our family. Jon & I have been through alot in life and we are both the type to just plow through things and that is what we are doing. We have four other kids to take care of and are far from home. God has given us the strength thus far but this is the hardest thing we have ever lived through. We need your prayers.

There is so much I could write about, at times the fear, doubt, and sadness overwhelms me like a flood. Thankfully the Grace of God is also there to help balance me out. We have been shown so much kindness by so many. Thank you all for your prayers, cards, gifts, calls, messages. texts. we are so blessed. Again thank you to the Ronald McDonald House and all its workers and volunteers. You all have reached out in so many ways to my family and shown us such kindnesses! If you live in this area and want to give or volunteer at a wonderful organization, please be a part of the Rochester NY Ronald McDonald House! They live up to their mission and then some!!!!!! Strong's Hospital is wonderful...we have been shown nothing but kindness and understanding by the staff from the receptionists to the doctors! We are so grateful to so many people!!!

So I close tonight, still placing my trust in God. I have no idea what the outcome is going to be. I am afraid of the future, whichever way things go....but somehow I can still say I trust God.

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden's getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand
.
I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand...

Just a disclaimer....can't say I'm exactly where the first verse is LOL I do worry about tomorrow right now... But I love the last verse the most..."And the path that be my portion, maybe through the flame or flood but His presence goes before we and I'm covered by His blood" I have sung that verse over to myself many many times over the years in many situations. It's been in my mind for the last two weeks, we can not control life much to my disappointment but we can trust God through whatever life throws at us.

Believe me if you are reading this, you will have trouble in your life. It might not be the same troubles I have had but I can promise you that heartache will come. You can't get out of that, we live in a fallen world. But I can promise you there is a God who will be right beside you in every situation. I can promise you that because I have experienced it many times. Back almost 16 years ago when we lost our twins at 22 weeks, God was there. Back almost 9 years ago when we went through a difficult pregnancy to have a premature baby who had many health problems, God walked with us through all of that and all the ramifications of me having to quit my job to stay home with Sam. He was there the night we heard the words "your son is blind". And He has been with us these past two weeks. There were many other times in my life when God was with me in such a real way, bringing me peace in the midst of storms. So I can testify to you that God can be with you in whatever situation you find yourself in. He has been with me and believe me I am no saint! I'm not perfect, please don't read my posts and think I am some super christian. If you do, I have a few people who can tell you the truth about me LOL! I don't even like to pray out loud! How I ended up as a Pentecostal pastor's wife is beyond me! So don't think I'm some super duper christian, I am NOT! But I serve a God who is faithful even when I am not and thankfully I don't' think He minds that I don't like to pray in front of other people!!!

But I trust in the eternal God, who is not changed by our circumstances. If Selah is healed, He is still the same. If she dies, He is still the same, If she lives just the way she is right now for 20 years He IS STILL THE SAME! Do I blame or question God? I really do not. Do I blame or question God about Sam(being born disabled)? I can truly say I have not. Life happens, we live in a fallen world and that is answer enough for me. Have I ever blamed or questioned God about something....YES I have. After I lost the twins, I went through an awful valley...it was beyond awful for me and everyone around me. It was a long valley, several years, I had to go through my Job experience...and it was ROUGH! But God was faithful to me, and brought me through it. During that time I went back and blamed God for every heartache in my life and questioned many things. I used to drive back and to from work and argue with God in my car...it was an intense time in my life BUT God was faithful. He walked me through alot of things although I can say I was not living close to Him at all. But He was faithful. Then as I was coming through that long valley, we had Sam. I had to determine that I was going to trust God and not question Him. God gave me the Grace I needed to do that. So now I look back over those first few months with Sam when things were very bad and I can see the peace of God and the Hand of God.

So tonight as I sit with Selah, I don't even have the words to pray other than "God help us and show us mercy, heal our sweet little girl" But I know the One who holds our tomorrows and I trust Him no matter what. And I am so thankful that I can trust Him, so thankful as I face the biggest, darkest storm of my life that I have had other storms to learn from, other times when God has proven Himself faithful to me. I can look back on my almost 47 years and see how God has been faithful in many rough situations. He has provided all I have needed to face Life and He is still providing even tonight.

Prayers Needed!

Selah's kidney function numbers have climbed a little higher so we need prayer! She is peeing good so the doctors are not overly concerned at this point but it is not a good thing and the numbers need to go down since she is off all meds that might have contributed to this. Please pray that her kidneys will continue to function and heal themselves. The doctors are sending her for a CAT scan tonight to rule out any brain/sinus abscess that might be causing her fevers. They are very good here and do check on everything. I'm sure we will also learn alot more about what her brain looks like now which might be hard to hear....

Still looking into the possibility of stem cell therapy for her.

Please pray for Selah. Pray that she will heal physically in all areas. Thank you for your prayers!!!!!!

Kidney Function!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST! Selah's kidney function is not good. Please pray that the numbers go down. she has been taken off of all meds that might be contributing to it. The numbers just went up they have been good till now!!

She also will have to have a blood transfusion. I was hoping to be able to give but she needs it now and it would take awhile for me to go through the process ( I'm O neg and a universal donor, we don't know her blood type but I could possibly give) We are still excited about the stem cell research and are looking into it but now we have some issues that need to be resolved. Please Please pray about her kidney function. This is very serious!!!!!!! She also has the on/off fevers with no real known reason but her white cell count is high. Please pray for our sweet girl!!!

New medical procedure....

http://www.24-7pressrelease.com/press-release/stem-cells-repair-brain-damage-umbilical-cord-blood-and-developing-tooth-buds-contain-stem-cells-that-can-change-lives-stem-cells-from-developing-tooth-buds-offer-a-second-chance-for-stem-cells-165096.php


I am excited about this article. hope you can click on it. I already have an email in to the doctor and will be tracking him down tomorrow. Please pray this is something that can help our baby girl! We have always tried or looked into things for Sam and I'm using those skills now. I know some doctors here think I may be clutching at straws but I know some doctors in Florida who thought that about Sam's corneal implant five years ago and now five years later our son can still see some. He went from 20/400 to around 20/100 and even better if he wears his glasses. That is a HUGE difference and it didn't' happen with us sitting around wishing...I had to look and call and go a thousand miles...but it was worth it. Now we have that experience behind us and we know now sometimes you have to push through and find things that may work for your children.

So pray that our sweet girl's fevers will stop and she will overcome this infection and that God will open the door for her to get this procedure if this is what will help her! I have to say I am incredibly excited and hopeful! We already have one little medical miracle in our family, ready for Selah to be the next one!!!!! Last night I just got such a peace about everything and felt like today would be a turning point for her. Learning about this, had certainly excited us and given us hope.

Our ultimate HOPE is in God, the creator of heaven and earth but we have always been thankful for the compassion and wisdom of doctors and always have given the ultimate thanks to God for the skills that our son's doctor has. I believe that most doctors, especially ones who have big medical breakthroughs, have hearts of compassion, and want to ease suffering. I know we see that in our son's doctor, Dr Aquevella.

So pray for us as we get more info!! Thank you!!!!

Cord Blood Study

Just found info about a new procedure where cord blood (from umbilical cords) is used to treat brain injuries like Selah's. I hunted down a couple of studies, she wouldn't qualify for either. One is for people over 18 yrs old, the other is for children who have banked their cord blood. PLEASE pray that we or the doctors here will find a study that will accept her!!!!! If you have ANY info on this please contact me!!!!!!

I read a medially documented case where a child was without a heart beat for 45 minutes and is now back to normal thanks to this! It was by using her own banked cord blood but why not use a donor's?

Please pray that we can find a study!!! One of the doctors here was hesitant but we learned a LONG time ago to be aggressive and not to sit back and wait on anyone to find us help. I reminded him that we would have a son who had no sight if we hadn't pushed and looked for something "experimental" Nothing ventured, nothing gained is an old but good saying!

So if you know of anything like this, please let me know. Thanks!

Update Monday morning

Selah had a good night sleep and so did I for the most part. Had some crazy dreams but not scary ones. Up to face another week.

Tomorrow Uncle Jim goes home home so we are going to take him out to eat tonight. He cam all the way to NY and has basically seen the inside of the Ronald McDonald House and plenty of diapers LOL. Things are going to get a little more complicated with him gone and we will miss him.

This morning I looked all all the places people are reading my blog from and it is amazing! Please keep praying for LaLa (Selah) and lifting her up to God to touch her and raise her up! Last night she seemed more responsive and I talked to her for awhile and told her how many people love her and are praying for her. Thank you so much.

Thank you for all the blessings. Yesterday we came back from church and found a bag of nice warm stuff (sweat pant/shirt socks slippers and a heating pad from Gates Assembly of God and a card with various gift cards from folks at Calvary A/G! Some great friends took us out for lunch yesterday after church...we just feel surrounded by love...thank you for holding our arms up in practical ways!!! And I slept WARM last night!!!!!!!!!

Friend from Germany

If by chance the lady I met in the Brandon Mall who is from Germany reads this, will you please get in touch with me?? theclanton5@aol.com

thanks Yvonne

It is Well with my Soul

Update:

Selah's fevers are continuing. Nothing seems to be helping. With meds they will go down but she can't keep them down. She has MRSA and her white blood counts are up. She has "something" on her arm, probably a blood clot and the redness is growing....she needs prayer now physically as well as neurologically!

Sitting here listening to the group SELAH "Greatest Hymns". they sing several songs on there that just speaks to my heart. One of them is "It Is Well With My Soul". The writer of that song lost his children in a shipwreck in the Atlantic Ocean. The ship and most on board were lost. His wife was rescued but not his daughters. On his way over to Europe to meet up with his wife, his ship's captain told him when they were at the place where his family's ship went down...He wrote that song based on that experience.


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Sources: •Faith Publishing House, Echoes from Heaven, 1976 (168)
•Anonymous/Unknown, The Blue Book (199)

The last verse means alot to me....this situation turns my heart toward eternity even more. I understand that father's anguish as he penned those words... Before all of this happened, a few weeks ago I dreamed about the rapture. In my dream I was holding Sarah and saw the "the sky roll back like a scroll" it was an amazing dream. I'm looking forward to that day!

Across from the hospital is a very large cemetery. We've often wanted to walk through it, but haven't got the chance to. It's a reminder as a patient. a visitor, or staff comes out of the hospital, they face the cemetery...I've found it funny over the years in my sarcastic way. Now I look at it and think "death where is your sting" when this life is over, our heartache is ended...what a comfort. (don't' worry I'm not suicidal at all I just find it a comfort that one day life's trials will all be over) I think the old hymn writers spoke of heaven so often because of life's trials and tears on this earth.

Last night sitting in Selah's room, I read over my blog, since so many who don't' know me are reading it & it makes me wonder (and worry) about what all I have written :) But I loved reading the adoption posts and the posts since we've been home. I am still a blessed mom with the best kids in the world. I've experienced heartbreak but the joy does win out. I needed that reminder to myself.

So despite it all, I can still say "it is well with my soul" "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed"

Please keep praying for Selah, I still have hope that there will be a change neurologically....but it is so hard. Pray for our family, there is just this huge empty space without her, we miss her being with us so much. I am so thankful I never took a day for granted with her, the girls were so new to us, that every day seemed like Christmas to me when they got up:) It was just fun! I want that again, I want all of my kids home and healthy. I want to have to rush to cook them breakfast...and get them dressed...it's a honor to be their mom. This summer has been incredibly sweet, getting to know our two princesses! I want to go back to that.

Don't take your family for granted, no one is promised tomorrow. Hug you kids tight, be thankful for everyday annoyances and work. I wish our only problem was getting the laundry done...

MRSA

Just two Saturdays we were in Mt Airy NC, cutting up and having fun with all the Mayberry props and stores....wish I could turn back time!!!!!!!!


Selah has tested positive for MRSA & her white count is up. PLEASE pray for her! This is serious!!!!!!

Thank you all for your cards, letters, gifts, messages, texts, calls....each one has lifted us up and let us know that we are not alone.

Missing Selah

Selah is still having unexplained fevers, she has been checked for everything you can think of...the fevers make her heart rate go back up into the 150's.

Today was just a sad hard day. This evening we went to Walmart & picked up a few things for the kids then we ate supper with them and I gave Sam and Sarah a bath. I laid down with Sam for awhile & he kept hugging me, that was so nice! Jon is staying over there tonight, his back has really been giving him fits again & I think that bed works better for him. We don't' want another problem with his back! Plus Sarah is crying some at night which is not like her. I think she misses mommy & daddy.

Thanks for all your prayers, we really need them. We are still praying for our girl to wake up. I miss her so bad...I can't even describe how much I miss her and her funny little ways. I'm so angry that we only had 3 months with her before this happened. She's been through Hell in her short little life & finally had a family and we had our girls...now...it's just awful!

These past three months have been the happiest of my entire life. I told Jon several times that I'd never been happier. I can remember just being in the laundry room & thanking God for my life, telling Him how content I was and how blessed. Jon said the day of the accident he was thinking that Life was just so good....now I truly can not imagine being really down deep happy again. My little girl is in a coma, with so much brain damage she can't even swallow...without a miracle from God, this is where she is. It's hard to imagine that just a few days ago she was running & playing and getting into everything! I want my Selah back so bad! Please keep praying. I've never asked God for much, just for my kids...and I'm begging for my Selah to come back to us. It's seems like for some reason, that has been the area in my life where I've had the greatest joys & the greatest sorrows. I don't understand WHY we have gone through so much, I think I've had my share of heartache in life and them some.

I was thinking today of everything and for some reason God has not chosen in the past to deliver us from situations but He has given us the grace to go through situations. This time I am begging God with all that is within me to deliver us from this! but I pray that we will be like the three Hebrew children who said "Oh King Our God is able to deliver us but even if He does not do so, we won't bow" Please pray for deliverance for our child. Pray that god will bring her out, restored to herself. Selah was very delayed, around a 12-18 month level, although she was 8 yrs old. But we adored her right where she was! We'd give anything to have that little personality back! Please pray!!!!

Meetings

Today we met with Dr Aquevella on Sarah's MRi and possible surgery. Sarah has a "kink" in her optic nerve as well as some problems with her retina. Her retina is very uneven, think in some places & thicker in others....so those two things do not make her a good candidate for corneal implant surgery. We had decided if the risk was more than 50/50 we were not going to do it. Well it's alot worse than 50/50 so we have decided not to do the corneal implant. There is some sadness, because we desired to give her more sight since the day we first saw her picture. It was our dream for her to be able to see as well as Sam does.... But on the other hand she will not have to go through with surgery and aftercare/pain and in one sense we are relieved. she has a little sight and she does enjoy and use it as much as she can. We think she sees light and colors. If we were to do the surgery & her eye couldn't handle it , she would probably go black/blind. So we will work with what she has. She is such a joyful little girl, she doesn't know the difference & isn't grieving this. We are sad but think it is the best decision.

We also had a serious meeting for Selah to map out the future....She still is having fevers but once they are under control, then she will have the trach and g-tube put in. She will also possibly have dental surgery here . We were planning on having that done back home as she needs extensive work. We have a very long road ahead. when she is released from this hospital, she will be moved back to Florida and will first go to a hospital or a re-hab as we get our home ready for her. We will probably have to add a room for her, so she is more secure and can have nursing in there. It's alot to take in....

So please pray that the fevers go away. Pray that she will be able to get her trach & feeding tube in with no complications. Pray that she will show enough response to be put into their 3 hr daily rehab program. I'm not sure that she will qualify. Thank you for your prayers!!!!

What a day this has been.....

Looking forward to another day, an eternal day. Remember the old song...

"What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see, When I look upon his face, the One who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand & leads me to the Promised Land, what a Day glorious Day that will be....

There'll be no dying there, no more burdens to bear, no more sickness,no more pain, no parting ere again, &forever I will be with the One who died for me, what a day Glorious Day that will be!

Believe me I am looking forward with much hope to that day, tonight...

Dream

Last night I had such a sweet dream. I dreamed we were home and it was storming outside and Selah "woke up" and started pulling her wires off and sit up in bed. She couldn't walk but she was Selah...what a a wonderful dream.....

Now I'm a cautious person, I don't go around claiming things and I'm not going to say that dream was from the Lord. I've had a couple of dreams in my life that I did feel came from God and I am not sure if this is one of them. It may have just came from deep inside where there is still hope...but it was a comfort to me.


After being in the ER all day, Jon was diagnosed with something like acute acid relux and given several prescriptions. He is feeling much better today.

Last night I ate supper with the family and was there to work on eye drops...no matter what is happening eye drops go on....LOL Anyhow it's so good to be with our family, like a salve to my heart. At one point, Shad, Sam and Sarah were sitting on me or leaning against me...it felt so so good!! The kids are doing great. Uncle Jim is with them, with a new appreciation of diaper duty LOL. Steve, as always, is a great help.

Selah is stable. They had done some cultures and she is responding to the antibiotics, hopefullly her fevers will soon be gone. yesterday she did keep one eye completely open and the other somewhat open. We are praying that she will have a gag/cough reflex as well as a response to the corneal test...Please pray for that for her and pray that her fevers are gone. Obviously we don't know what she is thinking but pray that god speaks to her little heart while she is in this state. A friend had given me a CD some time ago and I'm glad I had it in the van. it's the group called Selah "Greatest Hymns" we have kept that on for days now and each song speaks to my heart and I hope to her heart too.

Just continue to pray....thank you so much!!!!!!!! I may not return every call (or any-I'm just not good on the phone right now) I might not text, or hit LIKE on everything on FB since I don't have alot of time but I am unbelievably grateful to each of you who are praying. reaching out, we just feel covered by love....

Change in Plans

Today we were not able to meet for our conference. Jon was sick all night but didn't wake me up. When I woke up, I took him down to the ER. He has acute reflux/acid. He was having awful burning stomach pain. It's some better now thanks to some meds. Due to his family history of heart issues & the past week, they are holding him another 6 hours to make sure all his bloodwork stays stable.

Please pray for my sweet husband. He is seldom sick & always tries to keep a stiff upper lip....With all his back issues, he never missed a day of work so he hates that this has happened.

Selah has her eyes more open than ever today which is nice but she still doesn't respond to the cornea touch ( she should jerk her head away or at least close her eyes, nor does she have the gag/cough that she needs. She has a little fever off & on still so please pray for her Thank you all again!!!!!!!!!

Trusting

We got a good night of sleep last night (thank you Tylenol PM!!!) & we were able to have a good talk this morning. Jon & I are 100% on the same page and I am thankful for that. We made a commitment to the court in Ukraine to be Selah's & Sarah's parents, knowing their disabilities, knowing they would need life long care. I cried that day as we looked into the judge's eyes as we made our heartfelt commitment to love and care for them. It reminds me of the day I made a commitment to Jon in marriage, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness & in health" When I made that commitment to Jon I had NO idea what I was really committing to...we look back now and laugh. With the girls, I had some idea, because we have other children and another handicapped child, so I knew how life would be...and we were content with that. Now life has changed dramatically BUT not our commitment!

Tomorrow we have a meeting with the doctors/social workers etc to to plan out the next steps for her. We believe she will be here for 4-6 more weeks and then we plan on taking her home. She will have a trach and a feeding tube put in. We are still praying for God's healing & mercy but we must be practical too. We have alot to learn in order to take care of her.

Please pray for her, for God to heal and for Jon & me to be able to hear what is said to tomorrow and be able to understand what needs to be done....

I want to tell you all who are reading this I do appreciate your prayers. They are holding our family up to the Throne of God. It means so very much to me. And I want to testify to you that God is a faithful God. I can say that sitting beside my comatose daughter in the PICU, with a broken heart. He is still faithful.

The thoughts that have gone through our heads today have been thoughts of eternity. Life is short and eternity is long< has been something that has gotten me through some dark days before & is a comfort to my heart. And what I mean is, in this world we will have trouble, hard times, accidents, death, heartache BUT there is coming a day when every tear will be wiped from our eyes...I am looking forward to that day! I have a hope beyond this life. It is real to me and even more so since I had Sam, knowing one day he would be whole. And now......it is more real to me than this room I sit in. So we walk on with hope in our hearts for the future here and our eternal future...please continue to pray....

Hard News....

Had a hard talk with our compassionate doctor....don't really want to go into details but our lives are forever changed without a huge miracle. I appreicaite the prayers and I trust God regardless of the outcome...but things are bad neurologically. Physically she is doing good overall, no big concerns, However the discussion I had tonight was one that Jon & I have had for the past few days and
it is hard. Basically Selah will live and breath on her own with a trach (since she doesn't cough or gag) feeding tube but all the movements we see are really basic brain stem activity. They are great but since they are not combined with some of the other things... it doesn't give us much.... We will be making many decisions in the next few days/weeks as we set our aftercare up. I appreciate your care and wanting to encourage me with various stories but every case is different and it doesn't really encourage me at all. Our doctor is a man of faith who led prayer for us yesterday and prayed from his heart for us today. He is just honest I know he would love to be wrong and hopes there is a miracle but miracles dont' always happen the way we want them to. He still says we'll know more as time goes by, and there is some hope for more change but as time goes by and she does so well in some ways, it makes the neuro stuff that much harder. I trust in God although my heart is breaking... If you feel the need to give me any advice please resisit it.....Just pray that God will still do a miracle for our sweet girl.

Trusting....God prepared!

God has prepared me for months for this...in gentle ways He has spoke to my spirit. Years ago he gave me the verse Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and very courageous for the Lord thy God is with you wherever you go" I am SOOOO NOT a mystic type christian but that has been popping up everywhere and I felt God was telling me to get ready for something. Early in the summer I met a lady in the mall and sh
e was Not weird but she told me God was about to do something BIG in our family. But that I'd have to really trust him. I took her serious and felt it was from the Lord, although it was right after the adoption and I did say He had done something BIG!!!!!! She told me there was more to come and that it would be seen by many...I had forgotten that until right now. One of my friends was with me and I think she'll remember that I took the lady serious and didn't joke around or be sarcastic about it. ( I tend to do that as most stuff people say is a bit crazy but I felt it was from God) Some people had some disturbing dreams about my family, especially of Sam... and I felt a God given sense of premonition all summer. God prepared me for the loss of my twins that way ( I'm not saying that Selah is not going to make it) God knew this was going to happen...I don't understand it all but like the old poem "The Weaver" I will one day!

I want to write more about this but I have to go to bed as tomorrow will be a long day. Thanks for your prayers and just know that God is with you through everything!!!!!

Sam's Homecoming! Prayers for Sarah

Thanking God that Sam was released on Saturday!!! He is back with hsi brothers and sister being cared for by his uncle!

Tomorrow (Monday) Sarah will have her MRI to see if she is a candidate for the corneal implant. If so she may have surgery on Tuesday....that is just a little stressful.....

Sunday update

Today was a very hard day. Selah had no responses till evening & that was hard for us! However as they were changing an IV she had tears and was moving her head. We were told that tears come from the lower part of the brain stem and was not really a big sign. We don't know, it seems she is here at times. Still NO gag or cough PLEASE pray for that! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is a new week, she will finish the study at 5 pm and be taken off the cooling sheets. She will start physical therapy...She was started on feeds through a nasal feeding tube ( just like a NICU baby has) and is tolerating that. Her heart rate was down some around 130-140 , it still needs ot get down to 100! Please pray for our girl to come back to us! We have both cried on and off all day.

Went to church this morning and I just wept through most of the service. The words of the song becomes so much richer when you are going through a trial..."the Defender of the weak, You comfort those in need..." How Great Thou Art" etc....

we went out to eat after service and the server asked how many and Jon and I both said 7, then we said 6...then we cried when we were seated. It was hard to ride in the care with all the children and have that one carseat empty. Oh God somethings are like knives in the heart!!!!! Then as we were getting ready to leave the server comes over with a gift card from a family who had just left. We just bawled again and so did our server....

I can relate to David in the bible when he said "his eyes were swollen from crying" Please pray that God will see those tears and answer our prayers!!!!!!!!

Saturday

Selah continues to make some movements...however we have been told they are not the kind of movements we should be seeing...it's long and detailed and confusing to explain....however we feel she is reaching out to us. PRAY specifically that her heart rate will come down (still around 150ish for the most part) pray that her blood pressure will NOT go up! She is still in danger of more brain dama
ge from that. Pray that she will have a gag reflex and that she will respond to pain correctly. She has started responding a little but in a way that leads them to believe she is only responding from her brain stem. She is swollen and has been given drugs to combat that. Today they had to remove a arterial line because there was a blood clot. This has been a long day of many ups & downs... pray for Jon & me....

Please attend church tomorrow and ask for prayer for Selah!!!!!


Sam went home to the RMH and I'll have the pictures up soon:) So thankful!!!!!

Update and Request

Update
Selah was stable through the night. We need to see some improvement and SOON! The more time that goes by, the less chance of a full recovery. We are depending on the mercy of God. The staff here is amazing. I've never seen anything like the level of concern, care and professionalism. They are as postitive as they can be, but I see in their eyes/faces and by what they don't say, that they do
not give us much hope for a full recovery. They have seen too many children/people in this situation that do not recover. I am a realist, I've seen so much heartache in life, and beiing in the ministry, I know God doesn't always answer prayers the way we may want, we live in a fallen world. But I still trust the One who has been my guide through life. I don't feel that I (as a mere mortal) can comand or demand that God do what MY will is. But I throw myself on His mercies...and I can rest in that. This morning I woke with a heavy heart and a sick stomach. I ask you to pray for the mercy of God in this situation. Pray that He will, in His grace, work a miracle. Thank you

Request
Can I ask you a favor? so many have asked "what can I do to help?" THIS is what I want. I want each of you to go to church Sunday morning and ask your church to pray for Selah. I know some of you have gotten out of the habit of church attandance and some even feel it is not necessary to go anymore, that you can worship where ever you are....but there is something special about a corprate worship service and so many praying at once. So if you want to do something for us, please do that! and ASK specificaly for your church to pray for our little girl for improvement. thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Grace Church, the church my husband pastors is having a prayer service tonight (Saturday) at 7 pm for Selah. If you live in our area, please feel free to attend!!!!! http://www.gracechurchofzephyrhills.org/ is our website and there are directions there on it.

Thank you all again from the bottome of our hearts!!

I love this song....it ministers to me I just had to listen to it tonight.....

Update

Selah has had a good day. Everything has remained stable. Her heart rate is still higher than they'd like so please pray that it will go into normal range. She has made some small advances neurologically but we have a long way to go. We have been given hope for her survival based on the fact her body has remained healthy and her organs are functionally good. Of course they can not predict where she will be neurologically. She is making small advances, she is breathing above the rate of the respirator and her eyes are responding a tiny bit.

So please pray for Selah that she will remain stable and that she will respond to stimulus. We are NOT out of the woods yet but God is listening to our prayers and showing mercy. Thank you all for holding her up before the throne of grace....God is our refuge and strength a VERY present help in trouble! He is the only God who promises to be our help in trouble and He is with us in trouble....I know He is carrying us today!

Thank you all for everything! We feel cared for and loved by so many people who are holding us up to the Father....thank you!!!!