Dental surgery and Request concerning Selah

Selah's oral surgery went great. She had 6 teeth filled and 6 or 8 teeth pulled, most were baby teeth. We just want to thank Strong's Hospital and the Dentistry Department for working out all the details for us.   It was quite a job to get everything figured out and we really appreciate everything that went into getting it done for Selah.  She was originally scheduled to have this done in Florida this month but when the accident happened, that was cancelled.  It would have been overwhelming to schedule this after we go home with all that we will be dealing with.  Plus with all the problems she had with her teeth/gums she could have gotten an abscess or infection that could have affected her health.  Thank you Strong's Hospital for making things easier for us!

Once again Selah's blood pressure meds have been increased, she has a stronger patch and the BP is almost normal!  Finally!!!!!  Hope this will maintain, the last 24 hours have been the best readings she has had since the accident. 

We still don't know for sure when we will be going home, I don't think the details have all been worked out but we still think it will be next week. 

Please keep praying for Selah!  Tonight driving back and to when I was alone, I just plead with God for her.  I reminded Him how very thankful and grateful I had been for my life & how I asked NOTHING but that  He keep us healthy and all together.  I reminded Him that I didn't ask for anything else.   What came back to my mind was the word that was given to me by the German "tourist" (angel???)    at the Brandon mall...."Something BIG is coming for your family, Something is ahead of you soon and God doesn't want you to be afraid, many will see...."  I know that was a word from the Lord to me.  and that just floors me and actually makes me tremble that the God of the Universe would take the time to send me a message and it gives me courage to go on.   I wasn't promised a miracle but I was given assurance that I didn't have to be afraid.    Can you believe that God took the time to send me that message?  That blows my mind.  I am soooooo glad I wrote about it on FB and was able to go back and read what I had written so I know I didn't imagine it or was remembering it wrong!   I did laugh a little about it at the time  and thought it meant we'd adopt the other three children that we grew attached to while at the Ukraine institution our girls were at....everyone told me to go buy a lottery ticket (the lottery was really big around then)  we kinda laughed about it but I knew in my heart that the lady was not a looney toon... I sensed something when she spoke, I so wish I'd paid more attention to what she said, I have such a bad memory for details.   But maybe that was just what I was supposed to remember....God knew what was ahead, I don't have to be afraid and many will see....  I have to constantly remind myself NOT to be afraid....  In my flesh, I'm afraid of the future, scared witless, to be honest!  But my spirit is not afraid...I'm not claiming that God is going to heal her, I do not know but I KNOW He will be with us. 

The joy of serving God and walking through tough times or times when I've had to really hang on to God's hand, is that when a new trial comes, you know that God has been with you before and He will do it again!  This year 2012 has been an amazing year for our family.  We have seen and experienced God's hand like no other time in our life.  We have learned to trust deeper and more confidently.  We have seen some WILD answers to prayers and have even been blessed above what we have even asked for or thought about., during our adoption.  We had miracles in Ukraine as far as paperwork/court process/facilitator/lodgings/favor....  We had the miracle of two little girls who were older, delayed and instiutionzed come into our family with NO issues whatsoever!    We had crazy miracles of provision...    Then the accident.....and even then there were miracles with the medical students and doctors who were at a picnic nearby who ran to help and had the training that was needed.  It seemed God had everyone right in place to help Jon rescue the children.  Sam survived with no issues, his eyes didn't even get any infection from the water.  Selah survived despite what every doctor said to us in the beginning..so we have been blessed in many many ways.   Just typing this, has encouraged my heart and spirit.  We serve a good God.  How can I but trust Him???   I will not  question God foolishly...I will not turn my back on Him.  Even if He doesn't do what I want Him to do, I still am going to say I serve a faithful, good God!   I can trust Him!

In that vein....I was going to save this for later but it seems to fit nicely now.......
(I may lose some of you now....but...)

When we get home, we have some requests....If you come to visit us/Selah, do not come because you think you are the one to "pray the prayer of faith"  don't come arrogantly demanding that God does this or that because I will stop you and ask you to leave.  Respect our theological viewpoint that we trust God, we don't tell the God of the Universe what to do.   We aren't "speaking Life" or claiming anything, we are not "name it/claim it" and never have been.  We believe we try to interrupt scripture within the context of the Bible and take the whole bible in context, not just little bits and pieces.  Don't come unless you are  going to be with us for the long haul.  This is going to be a long walk and we don't need any "fly by nights" coming in and doing their christian voodoo...If you're not going to be there for the long haul, with us don't bother coming.  I don't mean to sound mean or nasty but I'm at a point where I am very focused and I don't need to have to deal with anything or be fakey polite. 

Also we have had someone come and pray for Selah who prayed that she would be healed and totally "normal", with none of the delays she had before the accident.  That REALLY bothered both of us.  She was PERFECT to us before the accident!  We chose her and Sarah and felt like we were getting beautiful little hidden jewels!  She is still perfect to us but so far away and we miss her!  The point is Selah (Sam and Sarah) were made by God and we were not and are not ashamed of their delays/mental retardation.  They are beautiful to us and we love the way God allowed them to be born.  I can't imagine any of them being any different.  In the beginning with Sam we did ask for God to heal his mind but we quit praying like that and I believe we began accepting that Sam was fearfully and wonderfully made JUST the way he is!  His DNA is so unique that I just have to believe that God made him that way.  You may not believe like we do, but do not disrespect what we believe.  We live this life, not you!  God gave him to us and allowed us to adopt these perfect girls!  They might not be perfect to you and it may bother your theology that we accept them just the way they were born mentally.  I've yet to read/hear of anyone EVER in history who was born mentally retarded (and no the word mentally retarded does NOT bother me IF it is used in the right context)  and then healed later.  Can we just accept that God creates us all differently???

Now I can pray that God heals Selah from the affects of the accident and maybe that doesn't make sense to you but if you can accept the bible says in Psalms 139 that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made  then that does two things for me.  One it lets me know that the children are fearfully & wonderfully made.  Two, we want to see her come back to where she was, where God made her.

Maybe God allows children to be born different so it will teach us all to be more accepting of others and more loving.  As a society, we are only as good as how we treat our "weakest" members  I didn't understand that until I had Sam and then found what a precious Joy he brought to us.  His life keep us tender. 

You may not understand what I'm writing but we have dealt with some CRAZIES since Sam was born and I've a bit tired of craziness!  It's only gotten worse now and I'm done with it!  Someone just cornered my husband and told him it was up to him to get Selah healed....wow...that really puts the respondisibity on my husband huh?  Good thing #1 was that I was not there.....LOLOL  #2 that our trust is in God not Jon's or anyone else ability to "get Selah healed"  

Do people not realize some of their theology is NO different than voodoo???  Really...when you think you can manipulate God (or a god) then you have more power than God.  So if you think by reciting certain scriptures or singing certain songs, praying certain prayers a certain way or whatever will make God do what you want, then your faith is no different than someone who trusts in voodoo.  There is no formula to get God to do what you want.  Is it so hard for us humans to just sit back and let God hold the reins of our lives?  Can we not trust the Creator? 

I'm not saying God delights in tragedy or causes it  but we live in a fallen world, these are the effects of sin.  Death reigns in our mortal body.  I don't think  God caused the accident nor do I believe it was "Father filtered"  (dear God deliver me from silly christian slang that makes me want to throw up)  (Father filtered means that God only lets things happen in our lives that is filtered through him, basically meaning He puts his stamp of approval on it...weird way of thinking to me!)  I believe based on scripture that things happen in life, God knows what lies ahead and in His mercy may prepare us and He will certainly walk  with us through it.  I don't believe God micro manges our lives but I believe that He does bless us in ways we don't even understand.  There is a balance there and I am trying to stay right there, in balance.  ( maybe at some point I'll discuss Arminianism  vs Calvinism which are the two main thoughts of Protestant churches.....we  are Arminianist believing in the Free will of man  and that God knows in His Foreknowledge  but He chooses to limit Himself in His dealing with man by not making man into robots that are preprogrammed)  Most of the discussion between the two camps are more in regards to the issue of salvation but for me it goes much further than that.  I'm not sure I can explain this subject clearly at almost midnight....but I'm sure I will revisit it again!!!  The reason I feel I need to share this is a forewarning to be honest...disclaimer here...if you act crazy from this point on, you will be stopped! 

So if you are still my friend....let me know:)



This evening I drove down to Mt  Morris to pick up our friends' son to spend the night with the boys.  I dropped them off at Laser Tag for them to play a couple of games.  We have some sweaty happy boys:)  Driving to Mt Morris is the furthest south I've been in 6 weeks!  It's such a beautiful area, rolling hills, fields of corn...cute little Village...

Today the weather has been odd, warm and rainy then chilly.  Right now I'm freezing again!     This is me with my comfy Pj's(thanks Loretta!) on and my nice homemade slippers (thanks future DIL!!!) and nice blanky (thanks Kelly)  I'm sitting in the cornor of the  small tv room our family has kinda taken over at the RMH:) writing my blog!  (actually this pic was taken a few days ago but I'm wearing everything again and am in the same spot LOL)

Strong's Muesum and Update on Selah!

I took the kids to the Strong's Muesum today, as a late bday present for Shad. It's an interactive play place for kids. We had a blast:) Sam ENJOYED the train ride ( 5 times he went on it!!!) And he and Sarah LOVED the light up floor. I sat there for an hour with them while the boys played old video games. We all had a good time together Today Jon stayed with Selah. She did good, her BP is still a bit unstable and final plans haven't been made yet for transfer to Florida but we still think it will be Tuesday or Wednesday. Tomorrow they are doing her oral surgery thankGod. We had seen two dentists before the accident and she had been referred to a thrid for the surgery as she had so many teeth/gums issues. We are thrilled that she will finally get all of it taken care of here and ahve some time to recover. We appreciate Strong's Hospital for setting this up for her!! We feel it will protect her from prombems in the future. Knowing that we'll be leaving soon, I've been going through all the things we have collected in the past almsot 6 weeks! It is such a blessing to have all the cards from so many of you all. You really don't know how much everything has meant to us and you'll probably never get a thank you card although I have saved everything that had an address on it! but we do thank you for our hearts!!! I've tried 3x to post some pictures from today and it is just not happening! Blogspot has changed alot of things and it's not working! Even my post is looking odd when I hit "preview" Sorry I had some cute pictures of the kids. Will try later to psot them Please keep Selah in your prayers tomorrow around 1pm when she is having her dental surgery!!!! Thank you all!!

Future Plans

Today we had a planning meeting with the team caring for Selah. It looks like she will have her dental surgery on Friday. We are looking at a transfer date of next Tuesday or Wednesday. If everything comes together, we will transfer her to Lakeland Regional Hospital. She would probably be there for a few weeks while we get our home ready for her. Depending on our insurance, we may have to transfer her to s short term nuring place for awhile as our home gets ready for her.

In some ways this is good news but it's going to be hard. We are extremely happy with the level of medical care and professionalism that she has been given here at Strong's. Florida just doesn't compare to the New York in the area of medical care. We are blessed with a really good pediatrician at home and I'm so thankful for him! Lakeland Regional is a good hospital for non acute care for children. We've been really happy with it over the years with Sam. The problem lies more in specialists and other hospitals that we will have to deal with eventually, as well as services needed. Unfortunately I KNOW what lies ahead because I've been the mom of a SN child for almsot 9 yrs. I've had to fight like crazy to get any help for Sam! When he was born, the doctor would not believe me that something was wrong with his eyes.....and honestly it only went downhill from there! I had to fight to get his medical issues dealt with and fight for specialists. I am so not looking forward to what lies ahead. When Sam came home from the hospital on three machines, our pediatrician tried so hard to get me a few hours of nursing and could get no nursing for me. So we have dealt with alot of things over the years. I have an idea of how things are going to be.

We even briefly considered moving up here but felt like it would be too hard of a transition for the other kids. So please pray that things will work smoothly during this transitional time and we get the medical help/services we need for Selah.

We have had some offers to help us on remodeling the house but nothing is really worked out yet. We find it hard to really focus on things like that right now but will have to soon. Many have asked about how they can help and I will let you know when everything is worked out.

Please continue praying for Selah! Thank you all so much.

Happy Birthday Shad!! Update on Selah

Great news today! Selah is out of the PICU and in a step down room. She is now on a medicated patch for her blood pressure and thankfully it seems to be helping. She is also getting some meds through her feeding tube for the BP. The idea with the patch is it will give her a steady dose of BP meds so she won't have the highs, she still is high but not too high. Today she stay around 118/60, too high but not like 180/110!!!

Tomorrow we are meeting to discuss the next steps. She was scheduled to have some oral surgery before all of this happened so we are hoping to get it done here. Her teeth/gums are in really bad shape. Strong's has a School of Dentistry and it would not be hard to arrange everything and get her through it. Then we will begin the final arrangements to get her home.

Today was mine and Shad's birthday. We went to Cracker Barrel and ate comfort (for me- fried chicken, fried okra and sweet tea!) food. Then we went and let Shad pick up some Lego sets...probably went a bit overboard but he was so happy! He got four sets of different "Lord of the Rings" Legos. Now he just needs the biggest set to have them all! He has already put together three of them, genius boy:) We first planned on going to the Rochester Zoo but it rained so then we were going to their Children Museum, BUT after getting the Lego sets, he just wanted to come back and put them together. He is a trip, he told me we could go tomorrow! Shad is a blessing to our family and we would not be complete without him. I often wonder do his birth parents think of him? Do they wonder what became of the little boy they left on a street? They missed out on so much but we are so blessed by his life!

So for my birthday I did a little shopping. I have a secret, I'm addicted to leggings/stirrup pants. I'm sorry I was a teen/young adult in the 80's and that was my clothes of choice! So for them to be back, in the stores make me HAPPY! So that was fun to go get them.

But what I wanted more than anything was for Selah to "come back to us"...Jon went and was with her this morning till lunchtime and I went back this afternoon till supper and now he is back over with her. It is nice to be in another room and have less worries about her physically but we miss her. Today when we went out to eat, we missed her, we miss her when we put the other kids in the van. Everything has a different meaning to us now. Today at Target I saw her little car that she loves to ride on a shelf & it was like a knife to my heart. Everything reminds us of her.

Five weeks ago tonight was another rainy night. Jon & I had been at the hospital all day, just like we were today with Sam and Sarah having their eye exams under anesthesia. And we had another birthday, it was Selah's birthday. We had a great dinner at the RMH but we didn't do alot in the way of celebrating it because of the weather and that we were all so tired from being up so early. We planned on doing it on Wednesday....we never got the chance. That just eats at me so bad. She didn't get to really celebrate her 8th bday. She didn't understand birthdays but I wanted to do something really fun just for her. It's something I will always regret, the accident happened early in the day on Wednesday and we had plans for later.

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks, it seems so unbelievable. It doesn't seem like five weeks at all to me. There has been so much going on and we've been busy. Tonight I'm in a somber mood. Will I ever get my daughter back this side of heaven? I don't have the answer for that. I certainly hope that God will heal her little mind. But it is hard to believe it will happen.

Growing up I had a rather crappy lot in life. I didn't really have much of a family, certainly not a "regular" family and that was all I wanted. Then when Jon & I married and finally had a child, that was all I wanted. Then we lost our twins in utero at 22 weeks. Eight years later we had Sam, Then we adopted Shad and now recently the girls. I LOVED having a larger family! There is nothing on this earth I wanted more than to have children. We were just so blessed and thankful for all five of them. It seems like, without getting all weird & "voodoo" christian, that I've been "attacked" in the area of family all my life. It is where I've had my greatest joy and deepest sorrow. Truly, it is something I don't understand at all. I've cherished my kids, been awed by the fact that God gave them to us, and just loved them with everything in me. I've traveled around the world for three of them and carried the other two through the worst pregnancies ever:) They've all come with a price! But it has been so very very worth it for each of them. I fight for my kids, I'm rude and mean ( if I have to be for them) and I'd probably kill without a second thought to protect them...but I can't fix this for Selah!

We are grown ups and can take responsibility. I have to say truthfully that I am scared of the new responsibility that lies before us. We're used to kids with special needs, but this is a whole new ball game. But we can do it, sure our lives will change more but it's not like we are folks who are out and about alot anyhow, we're not running off to Europe (except to adopt kids) or Vegas or wherever....

So we will live and adjust...but the last few days all I can think of is Selah and how unfair this is to her. She was living in an adult mental institution most of her life and had just three months with us to be loved on and cherished before this happened. We did many "firsts" with her...but not enough! We still love and cherish her but she seems to be unaware of her surroundings...unaware of us. Today I saw some kids at the mall and it just made me mad that she can't run and play now. After all she has been through to have to deal with this now... The doctors tell me she is in a "dream like" condition and honestly I hope so, I hope she is unaware of things. She just deserves so much more than this!

The thing that keeps me going is the truth I have written about time and again. This world is not our home, this is not the end, life is but a vapor....life is short, eternity is long.....that is what keeps me going. I want Selah to be healed but if she is not, I am so thankful she will be healed for all of eternity. She will live life fully then. Having that deep faith of an everlasting life, keeps me going. Selah will one day live life fuller than many other people will ever know. One day all tears will be wiped away. Those are the truths I've held close to my heart since Sam was born and really since we lost the twins. that truth is what I'm holding onto now also.

I may cry and weep often on this earth but there is coming a day when I am going to be the happiest person in heaven! I have more to look forward to than most! I will meet my twins, I will see Selah, Sarah, Sam and Shad healed....can you imagine? I can not wait for that day! It will be glorious!!!

But I pray that Selah will be healed on this earth, please continue to pray for her. Pray for her, not so much for our sake, but for her! Pray that she will be able to enjoy life again be able to play with her siblings, play with her toys, play outside in her little kiddie pool, swing on the swing set.... all these things that she just got to enjoy for the first time in her life!!! Can you imagine, living the life she has lived, no family, living in an institution, no one to really care for her and then to have a family for just a few months and then go through such a horrible accident. It just breaks my heart.


Even in my sadness, there is still a ray of hope. How can I adequately explain the peace I have, in spite of the incredible sadness in my heart? I do not have the words to tell you. But I can truthfully tell you it is REAL! I've always been a questioning type of person in all areas, including spirituality/religion. I didn't take everything at face value. I had to know and I can tell you now I know that there is a peace that passes all understanding, it's not just a song to me or words in a sermon. Songs and sermons won't take you too far when life's heartaches hit but His peace will. I can't explain it, I'm even a bit shocked by it to be honest!!!

Please don't think I'm some sort of spiritual giant! I am so NOT!!!! Really Really NOT!!! But I've had some practice in the area of trials and the God who brought me through many others, is bringing me through this one. I've never had a particularly outward faith, in that I've not been some great Pentecostal shouter...I don't even like to pray out loud in front of others, I figure I'm praying to God and it is just Not anyone else's business! So I may not measure up to what some think is "spiritual" but I am committed to following God and He is committed to holding my hand! Thank God that I don't have to measure up to man's idea of what a pastor's wife should be! Now I'm not saying, you can just go live in sin and do whatever, the bible gives us specific guidelines BUT we also don't have to be cookie cutter Christians! But we should live to serve God in every area of our life and allow Him to be Lord of our life. But that doesn't mean we all are alike in every way. I used to be a bit envious of people who could be free in worship, but I learned to be comfortable in my own skin and not try to be someone I am not. That is not me, and now that I don't really think about it, I find it so much easier to enter into worship because I'm not comparing myself to anyone else.

So be who YOU are, live a holy life (measured by the Bible not some man made laws/thoughts) Stay balanced, don't use what I'm saying as an excuse to sin, but as an encouragement to be yourself but live yielded to God. Love your family with everything within you. You do not know when life may suddenly change! Hug your kids, cherish every moment, live life in the light of eternity, when you do that, you will stay as far away from sin as you can and as close to God as you can.

Thank you again for your prayers for our sweet LaLa (our nickname for Selah)

Sept 17 update

Jon spent most of the day with Selah and worked on training on her care. He was able to hold her and love on her. We did an interview with the CBS/FOX station to thank the viewers of the Rochester community for everything that have done. Then I went to the hospital tonight and held her for about an hour and worked on her arms and hands. She seemed to relax into me some.

The only thing she is still dealing with is high blood pressures. They go up and down depending on the times of her meds. She is being placed on a patch to help regulate her BP hopefully. The idea is to keep her medicine constant with the hope that will help. She spiked high last night for awhile. So she is still in the PICU at this time.

Everything else is going good physically. Neurologically there has been no change. Please keep praying for her.

Tomorrow is Shad's 9th bday and my ? Bday LOL. He and I share a birthday. We are taking him to the small zoo here and out to eat. He is really excited. Shad has been such a great kid and so helpful through this past 5 weeks. We want to give him a special day.

Thank you for your prayers. I hope to do a long blog tomorrow, sometimes an idea/thoughts just kinda churn around till I have to write it, I'm telling you blogging is good for your mental status:)

More pictures from Sunday

I wanted to show all our friends a good picture of Ken and Lynn! Lynn and her daughter had a horrible accident back in May. Both lived and are doing fine! Lynn is ready to head back to Florida soon!!!! We are so thankful that she has recovered so well. (she was here at Strongs for weeks following the accident!)

Next picture, the kids before church. I just want to encourage you to take your kids (and yourself) to church! We have a reason not to be in church but we are there! Many people have no real reason but that it is too hard to get out of bed! Ummmm thaat is so not a reason! Get to church, Get your kids in church. You will be glad that you did!

Next pic is Jon Sam and me by the lighthouse (I have a thing for Lighthouses-must have been that old song ..."there's a Lighthouse on the hillside that overlooks life's seas.." Who remembers that one????

The Lighthouse of Sodus Point NY on Lake Ontario

It was nice to go to church, eat and relax together as a family today.

Some pictures...

Top picture is us with Ken and Lynn Ginnet our dear friends at the Sodus Point Lighthouse. Then Sarah on the grass for the first time ever (I don't put her on the grass, too many bugs and sand spurs etc..in Florida) then Me and then Sarah again smiling in her car seat:) I can only get 4 pictures on my blog at a time for some reason!



Today we went to our friends' church and then with them to the Sodus Point Lighthouse and out to eat at a Farmer's Market and let the kids play for awhile. Then I came back to the hospital and got to hold Selah for about an hour. She seemed to relax into me some. All her vitals are good, blood pressure still a bit high but not too bad. Please keep praying for her

Anywhere With Jesus

Watch this song


Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go
Anywhere he leads me in this world below
Anywhere without Him dearest joys would fade
Anywhere with Jesus I am not afraid

Anywhere, anywhere ...any little fear I'll never
Know
Anywhere with Jesus I can safely go

Anywhere with Jesus, I am not alone
Other friends may fail me, he is still my own
Tho' His hand may lead me over dreary ways
Anywhere with Jesus is a house of praise

Repeat Chorus

Anywhere with Jesus I can go to sleep
When the darkest shadows round about me
Creep
Knowing I shall waken nevermore to roam
Anywhere with Jesus will be home, sweet home

Today I went for a few hours to the Women of Faith conference in Rochester NY. I'm NOT big into going to conferences, especially women's conferences! It's just Not "my thing" BUT Amy Grant was going to be there and I really wanted to hear her!

She started her selection of songs with the above song "Anywhere with Jesus" I almost fell out of my seat, in the nose bleed section! Our music minister sang that for us our last Sunday before we left for Ukraine. He knew how much I hate to fly and he was encouraging me and kidding me at the same time:) What a coincidence! Not exactly a well known song!

It spoke to me because the words of this song, are so true. Whether I am literally traveling thousands of miles or whether I am walking through a valley...Jesus is with me!

Thank God for His presence! I'm so glad He is with me " Tho' His hand may lead me over dreary ways, Anywhere with Jesus is a house of praise " Those can be empty silly words UNTIL you experience it yourself. When you feel the peace of God even while you are walking over dreary ways, then you know ALL those things you learned in Sunday School and all those songs you sang and all those endless sermons you heard...THEY ARE TRUE!!

Tonight Jon is with Selah. She has been stable although right now her heart beat is high but she probably will be getting her meds soon. Staying at the RMH, one of us (or our wonderful "nanny" ) has to be with our other kids. So the days my friend can't come, makes it a bit more complicated but it's good to be with the kids. They are healing to my heart! Selah will be moved out of the PICU soon, I think they are just waiting on a bed.

Tomorrow as you attend your church (and if you don't have one...find one!) PLEASE put Selah on your prayer list. Ask God to have mercy and to heal her! Thank you for continuing to bring her name up to the throne of God. We are still praying for God to touch her and heal her little mind.

I really want to thank so many people...today we got a gift card from a family in NC. Also I got a pair of hand made slippers from my future daughter in law...(LOL inside joke but I think this young lady ROCKS in many many ways!!!!) I'm wearing them along with my soft thick PJ pants that my friend bought me and I'm wrapped in a blanket that another friend made!!! We went out to eat tonight thanks to someone who left a Colie's Cafe card at the RMH for us...I KNOW I am not going to do all the thank you cards that I should! I hadn't even sent out my thank yous for our adoption and I am so sorry! Believe me I was raised better!!! My Aunt probably is rolling in her grave about now! I had planned to have our family picture made and send it out with a card for everyone who gave to our adoption....I never had the time to get it done...and now I don't think I will ever be able to thank everyone like I should! I am so sorry! We are so thankful, at times your generosity brings us to tears, we don't take it for granted at all. Our kids are just shocked at all the sweet things that have been done for us. I hope even if we don't ever thank you properly, we will remember and reach out to other families who are in crises situations in the future. I think my boys have learned how nice it is and how it makes you feel and they will grow up to do things for others. Thank you all so much!

Dreams of Adoption

If I were asked what my dreams for my life were, I'd say.....to see Selah healed & restored, for our family to stay healthy and close, and to go back to Ukraine to adopt 2 little boys and 1 little girl that caught our hearts....that's all I want in a nutshell....

We had some very tentative plans about adopting again, but they were real enough that we had talked to our facilitator about the children we were interested in. I actually told him we'd let him know if we were going to commit when we came home from our NY trip. We knew we'd have to see some real miracles if we were going to adopt three more kids but we have seen some real miracles of provision in both of our adoptions. We knew what God can do, it seems He moves heaven & earth to help orphans find homes!

Sometimes when I pray I remind God of what He has done for us and what we felt He had placed in our hearts to do. We were willingly to go back and get those three kids and give them a family. Our kids were totally with it and wanted to go get them! So I tell God we need a miracle for Selah in order to be able to do what we felt urged to do...

So I don't know if we will ever be able to adopt again, with the new responsibilities we have but let me encourage you to think about adoption. International adoption is wonderful. When I say it saves lives, I mean it saves lives, real lives... Having had the most beautiful opportunity to walk out the doors of two different orphanages holding my children, I can tell you the feeling is amazing! I think because it so closely mirrors what God does for us when He brings us into His family.

There is such need overseas. When you are there and you see with your eyes, then you become thankful for the safety net of the social care system in America. It may be flawed BUT it is so much better than what many countries have in place!

Thinking about so much tonight, but I just had to share about this. If I had a dollar for every person who has told me "I'd love to adopt BUT...." I say get your BUT out of the way:) there are some valid reasons why people can't adopt but IF it's just you don't think you can afford it or you think it's too hard, then don't let that stand in your way. If you think that you'll get everything perfect in your life and save all the money up to do it, things will never be perfect, Just Do It!

If you read back to Shad's story or the girls' story, you can see we were never at the place where things were perfect-far from it! LOL It seemed the two times we adopted, we were as far as we possibly could be from the perfect place! It looked like foolishness to adopt but we knew it was what we should do. How many of you have had hearts tugged at to adopt but dismissed it? Let me tell you there are real children, lying in orphanages all over the world who need real parents, right this very minute! I've seen hundreds of these children, and I can't look away!

Tonight I want to encourage you to step out in faith,if you feel that tug on your heart, start looking into adoption. Yes it is hard, I will not lie to you, the paperwork is hard, there are many hoops to jump through BUT the end result is so so very worth it!

I read different blogs, stories etc...and some people say different things about having the right motivation for adoption. I don't know what the "right" motivation is. All I know is we loved our kids from their pictures and pushed with everything we could to get to them as soon as we possible could! We wanted to rescue them, just like we'd want to rescue our biological children if they somehow ended up in an orphanage. We worried about the children during the whole process of adoption. Just like we'd worry about our biological kids. With the girls, we got to see them daily but it took over a month before we could take them out of the orphanage and I worried about them obsessively during that time. My biggest fear was that the institution would catch on fire. One night I was crying in our apartment, worrying that something would happen before we could take them out!

It's hard to explain adoption but the kids become your kids from their pictures. Meeting them in the flesh, is more sacred than meeting a president or king. It is such a holy moment. We didn't get Shad's or the girls' first meeting on video, it doesn't matter, it is so in my brain! In both meetings there were tons of other folks there, but I only had eyes for my kids, I couldn't tell you what was happening around me, just like childbirth in that sense of the focus is so on your child. What a precious privilege to have had those experiences!

So if you are reading this blog of mine, there is a good chance that you are interested in adoption. If you are eligible, pray about it, don't let fear hold you back. If you want any personal advice please feel free to contact me at
theclanton5@aol.com If you are moved by the things you have read on my blog, do something, if you can, adopt. If you can't adopt then help another family in some way to bring a child home. I feel the bible is pretty clear that we should help orphans but that is not necessarily why we adopted. We adopted because our children somehow were living in orphanages in other countries and needed to come home! They are not our "project" or "our ticket to heaven" they are our precious children that we are honored to be their parents. We were blessed to be allowed to adopt them and have them in our lives!

It seems people find it hard to believe that we adopted because we NEEDED the kids. We didn't know how much we needed them in our lives. We needed them to be the family we are. We're not saints, not in the least bit but we listened to God and we heard His voice and He told us that our lives would be changed as the children's lives were changed. We had no idea of the joy that would come out of adopting.

Right now our hearts ache because our little girl is injured but she is still our jewel. Truly even knowing how hard this would all be, we are so glad she came into our lives. We hate that she has gone through this, she deserves so much more than this but we are going to still ensure she has the best life.

So as always pray for Selah. But also pray for two little boys and a little girl who are sleeping tonight in an adult mental institution, pray that God will send a family for them. It might not be us, but pray that someone will come for them. All three of them have Downs syndrome. They are precious. We were able to play with the little boys quite a bit but I never saw the little girl out of her bed. So many people are reading my blogs and praying for Selah and us, I know you will add these three children to your prayers. We "named" them Sally, Seth, and Silas. (yes I know we are a bit crazy with the S names but once you start, you can't just quit doing it cause the child you name something else will wonder why they didn't get an S name...) But I have to say after these three names we are out of names:) We try to keep them Biblical but Sally pushes it (it is a derivative of Solomon)


Thank you for your prayers as always! Let me warn you, I started praying for Sarah and 4 days later we were doing the paperwork to go get her:)

ABC news story

http://www.13wham.com/news/local/story/sehlah-clanton-canal/TqDZu-FUMEukRVCjBoGeBg.cspx

Here is the link to the news story we did tonight. If the above link doesnt' work then try to go to Rochester NY channel 13, we were the top story

DISCLAIMER: As far as I know the ABC station in Florida is just looking into partnering with Home Depot and a contractor about adding a room for Selah to our home. I don't think they are going to be building us a new house LOLOLOL So see don't believe everything you read or see on TV!!!! Although if they'd like to build us a new home, that's ok too BUT I just don't know anything about it:)

Friday Update

Selah is still stable. The PT got her up today and Jon was able to hold her for over 30 minutes. This is the first time she has been out of bed since the accident. As soon as a bed becomes available, she will be moved off the PICU unit to a step down room. We should be able to put her in a wheelchair soon and help her to adjust to being in a UP position. It may take her some time to adjust since she has been lying down for over 4 weeks.

Her blood pressures still aren't completely normal. She does have periods of time where her BP is in the normal range but often the BP is above normal but closer to a normal range than it was. Please pray that her blood pressure can be stabilized completely. Her heart rate is near normal most of the time. Everything else is going good physically.

Sam has been fine today, no more puking thank God!!!!

Today we did an interview with the local ABC station. It is our hope that we can share our faith and hope with others. I will post the link later tonight.

Please keep praying for Selah. Pray that with us being able to touch her and hold her that it will trigger some responses. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!

LIFE

Selah is doing good. Her blood pressures have been closer to normal most of the day. All her labs are good, her heart rate is still a little high but not too much. It runs in the 120's, which is much better than it was running.

She did do something new tonight. I was looking at her eye and it looked red so I turned on the overhead lights and she squinted her eyes closed! I managed to look at the eye and it was fine. Then I turned off the lights and she opened her eyes. Selah never liked bright lights and would often close her eyes and cover her face if she was in direct sunlight. So it seemed like a normal response from Selah and that was good.

So physically she is doing pretty good, neurologically she needs so much prayer.

Tonight sitting with her, I just felt peace...an assurance that everything is going to be alright. I don't know what "alright" is going to be, but it's going to be alright! What a peace to trust in the Lord. And what is also helps is that we knew before this ever happened, that we respect LIFE and we had had conversations about various public situations and how we would react if we ever found ourselves in any type of situation where we had to make decisions of care and life/death decisions.

Now we never were asked about "pulling the plug" with Selah. She always had brain activity. But we were faced with the question of whether we would put in a trach and g-tube. Evidently some families do not chose to do those things. Since Selah doesn't' have a gag/swallow reflex, she can not swallow her saliva and could choke or aspirate and possibly die. Obviously she can not eat either, so she needed a g-tube for nutrition. Jon and I respect the God given Life inside her and we are committed to her care. In my opinion, since the medical advances are there to help people to live longer, more comfortable lives, then we should use it. If the medical know how is there, we believe we should use it to take care of a person. It was allowed to be created for a reason and we are going to use it to take care of our child.

So honestly we thought about questions like this more in regards to ourselves as adults, not really that we would have a child in a situation like this. But it is a blessing to KNOW what you believe and not to be shaken in that belief if something like this happens. There was never a question in either of our minds about her care or how far to go in saving her. She was without a heartbeat for at least 30 minutes. When they finally got a heartbeat in the ER and she was transferred to the PICU, I was told that she probably wouldn't live through the day. I immediately asked if there was ANYTHING that could be done, any surgery, study, medicine, whatever. The doctor told me that there was a study that she could be enrolled in. where she would be put on cooled sheets and her temperature would be kept within a certain range. I said "lets do it" Then the doctor said he needed to go over everything with me. I was quick to tell him, that he had just told me my daughter was not going to live, he didn't have to tell me anything just get her set up! We have laughed about it since and he told me Selah was entered into the study the fastest that any other child had been LOLOL! I can get a bit aggressive and I was on aggressive overload that day! See I was able to make decisions on my own KNOWING the beliefs and values that my husband and I have. I didn't wonder or think twice about it. I didn't even have to talk to him about it because i knew what he would say!

Why did I know what he would say? Because we have a value system based on the respect of LIFE! Not that we don't believe in a wonderful Eternal Life to come but we believe Life is a gift from God and should be considered precious. We wanted to give our child every chance of Life there was to give! What a blessing not to have to have some moral dilemma! We had no questions...we wanted the doctors to give her the best care to give her a chance at Life.

So our daughter defied the odds. The next day when one of the admitting doctors made rounds I asked him if she would live and he said that he hadn't expected her to be alive when he came on. So again I asked him if he thought she would live and he said he'd have to rethink it....well now more than 4 weeks later she is alive and doing quite well physically.

Now the doctors and medical staff don't expect to see a change in her neurological condition. It's hard for me to believe sometimes that it will change and that she will come back. I understand the medical explanation of her brain damage and the ramifications. During the time she was so critical, I was afraid but I think in my heart that I did expect her to live. It was such a confusing time emotionally that nothing was clear. The way I hear from God, is I try to clear my mind of all the confusion and really try to hear from HIM, not my desires but what He is saying. God has spoken to my heart before, and sometimes it has been a clear NO. When we lost the twins, I knew it was going to happen, God prepared me and I knew in my heart as BAD as I hated it that they were gone. During that really awful time with Selah , I told Jon that I felt like God was saying to me that she would live but I wasn't sure if she would recover. I couldn't hear God's voice on that. I still don't know in my heart what the answer is. I still pray that He will in His mercy touch our wonderful unique little girl and bring her back to us! Sometimes I think maybe I don't hear the answer because I don't want to know the answer...I'm not sure.

I do remember the dream I had right after this accident that we were home and she just "woke up" Now I know that they type of brain injury Selah had with the lack of oxygen is not a type of injury that you just "wake up" from like some traumas to the brain. But it was a good dream and I'd love for it to happen. So we are all just holding onto to Jesus no matter what the future is for us!

So let me share with you, have your heart settled, know what you are believe based on the Bible BEFORE you are faced with any type of situation so you are prepared. I have questioned WHY did God allow her to come back to be in the shape she is in now BUT I only think that because I know how wonderful Heaven is and it's hard for me to see her suffer. But God is the giver and taker of Life, since He allowed her to come back, we rest in that. We are committed to making her life as comfortable and as full of love as possible. We will take care of her and get her the best medical help there is and we will pray for her for God to heal her.

This may sound very simple to some reading this...I'm too tired to give a big long in depth ethical argument but simple is sometimes the easiest... Simply trusting that "this is the way it is".....we are going to make the best out of it. I know from experience that simply trusting God brings Joys that you never dreamed of....So we are simply trusting....



Other Family news

I took the kids out to eat today and we are sitting just starting to eat and relax...THEN Sam made a noise like a burp, then he did it again and threw up a GALLON of puke! I thought I was going to pass out! I had to strip him at the table because there was NO way I was going to pick him up like that!!!! He seems absolutely fine now, I got him back to RMH, gave him a bath and put him to bed. Went and bought a huge cheap plastic table cloth so he won't get anything on their carpet if he gets sick again. Jon came back from the hospital to help me cuz I don't do puke very good. I'm proud of myself that I didn't join Sam, I have been known to do that!

He has been fine since then and ate soup for supper. We won't be going back there to that particular restaurant even if we are allowed LOL But I have to say that was my grossest parenting moment in almost 17 yrs of being a mom:)
It's actually funny to me now but standing in the restaurant, I didn't know what I was going to do!

I've gotten some questions about Shad and Steve. They are missing school but the good thing is Shad is almost a year ahead in his schoolwork so we aren't worried about him missing some time. Steve brought some work with him knowing that there ws a chance he'd miss the first few days of school and the school has sent him some more work also. They go to a private christian school that is working with us.

Sam and Sarah are missing their therapies but they will be able to get back to that when we get home.

Our kids have done well during this time. They really "go with the flow" and are very flexible. We've been here almost 5 weeks and they seem to be fine. It is different living in the Ronald McDonald House than at home. We all six share a room, talk about communal living LOL! Good thing I don't snore (wink wink) RMH is large so there are various tv rooms, we've kinda taken over the one closest to our room, cause we can put in a baby gate and the little ones will stay in there and play with their toys. I cook them breakfast every day, lunch is usually leftovers and most night volunteers bring in the suppers. If not we go out and eat or I cook a simple meal. Jon and I have tried to eat supper with the kids since all this has happened so they feel the comfort of something they are used to. It's been a growing time for our family. I've never believed that you should shield your children from the realities of life, we believe you should use Life experiences to help prepare them for their future. We've been honest with the kids and have answered any questions they've had without unduly worrying them. They have gone up a few times to see Selah but haven't gone in her room because she continues to test positive for MRSA, although she has no symptoms of it. So we are working through this as a family and it has created a tenderness between all of us. We aren't taking each other for granted. Even hard times can become a time of learning and bonding, even through tears.

So thank you for your prayers for our family, please continue!!!!!

Tv Interview

http://www.whec.com/news/stories/S2763794.shtml?cat=566

I hope you can click on here, if not try this one....

http://www.whec.com/news/stories/S2763794.shtml?cat=566

I looked up Rochester Ny channel 10 and it's the top story

LOVe that we were able to share our faith and be able to thank RMH for everything :)

Busy Day~

Pictures-Sam waiting for Dr A
Jon, Dr Aquevella, Sam and Yvonne


Selah had a good day! Her blood pressure is closer to a normal level, it seems that the new blood pressure medicine is helping her thank God. Everything else physically is going good too. We are thankful! Please continue to keep our dear girl in your prayers. We are still praying for a total miracle for her! Thank you for your prayers!

Today Sam had an appointment with Dr Aquevella, to make sure that his eyes were ok following the accident. Sam has corneal implants in both eyes so we have to always watch for infection or any type of problems. We try not to get any water in his eyes whatsoever. His eyes are fragile and more susceptible to infection. We are thankful that when he was in the dirty canal water, he didn't pick up any infections from it. His pressures were normal too!

We love seeing our dear Dr Aquevella. He used his God-given gifts to give our son sight...what can you say about a man like that?? We appreciate him with all our hearts! The gift he gave to Sam, PRICELESS! He gave Sam SIGHT! And Sam enjoys every bit of it and uses it to do much mischief and we LOVE it!!!!!! Thank God for Dr Aquevella!!!!!

We did an interview with the local Rochester tv station Channel 10 and it will be shown tonight. We plan on doing interviews with all the local stations in the next week or so. We haven't responded to any of their requests before because we just couldn't handle doing them but we want to thank the Rochester Area for all they have done for our family and all the kindness shown. What a great town this is:) We've always thought highly of Rochester and these past few weeks have just shown us that there is plenty of "Northern Hospitality" too!!!!!

As we were doing the interview with Ms Adams from Channel 10, she asked some real questions about our faith and how we are dealing with this. I thank God that we can say that we serve a Good God, One who is with us no matter what is going on in our life. The last few days I have been so very sad, missing my little girl's funny litte self, my heart literally aches with in me. I've never been a "crier" but now my tears flow like a river at times. But tonight I can confidently tell you that God is good! His mercies endures forever! No I don't see the miracle I want right now but our life is but a vapor...so even if Selah is not healed on this earth, she will be healed for ALL eternity! I am so thankful for the eternal hope that we have in God! So I might sit in Selah's room and do nothing but cry at times but even tho my heart is breaking, I truly can tell you I trust God! What a precious Lord we serve! The presence of God is so real and true, I can't hardly believe the deep peace I feel despite the sorrow. No one can ever tell me that God is not real!!! Because without God I would be beyond a mess at this time! In the past, I've tried to handle hard times on my own and it was a MESS! What a difference to "lean upon the everlasting Arms"

So if you think I'm strong, you're wrong! It's God's strength that is holding me together!!! And the wonderful thing is YOU can also have this kind of peace in the midst of your storms. Turn your life over to God and just get as close to Him as you can, don't let any bitterness into your heart. It's a choice. I chose throughout the day NOT to get bitter, NOT to turn away from God in anyway in my heart. I say this all the time but I've been bitter and I do NOT plan on going back there!! Daily I throw myself on God and I depend on Him. He's a God that is dependable. When I can look at life through the lens of eternity, it is a bit easier to handle heartache. Sorrow is fleeting when we think of that which is to come...there is coming a day ....when all is made right and I'm so thankful for that. But also serving God, gives us strength for today, and even through this God's spirit is so sweet and tender.

Love the verse 1 Peter 4:12

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy

And this one...
1 Peter 1:5-7

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,


So when trials come, we shouldn't be surprised by them but we should expect them and trust God through them.

Quick update

Today has been a good day physically for Selah. Her blood pressure is staying nearer to normal range. She seems to be reacting good to the new meds. Since she is responding to this medicine, it seems to point out that this problem has been caused by her brain injury. So there was not a physical problem that caused this but more her brain responding to the injury:(

So we continue to ask you all to keep her in your prayers. Selah needs a touch from God to heal her brain.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Nightly update pray for her neurological condition

Well Mommy had a rough day but physically Selah had a better day. It seems she is responding better to the new BP meds and her BP is near normal range. It does change throughout the day when it wears off. She still is breathing on her own and keeping her oxygen levels up to 100%! She is at her goal on her g-tube feeds and has had no problem with it. Her heart rate has come down to a near normal range the last few days. So we just need prayer that she will remain stable and that her BP can continue to be controlled. She finally had the EEG and they do not feel she had any seizure activity.

The biggest prayer we need is that God will touch and heal her neurologically ! Today a doctor basically told me "this is where she will be". Of course this is the same doctor who told me she would not live through the day of her accident so I can put it into perspective...

So if you wonder where she is....she is in a vegetative coma. She can breathe on her own but that is it. Her limbs have already stiffened, they feel like wood and she rarely moves except for movements that affect her whole body. They are not "good" movements, they are the kind of movements that show she has massive brain damage. She can not swallow. She has rare periods when it seems she responds to us but they are few and far between. she is not constant with responses like she needs to be. The neurologist who read her EEG today but it rather bluntly....he compared her EEG to a "normal" 8 yr old and said if it were normal, she'd be like a car running on all 6 cylinders. Taking into account her delays, he compared what he thought her EEG would look like , maybe a car running on 2 or 3 cylinders...where she is now...it's like she is running on a half of a cylinder....Her EEG shows massive damage, very slow responses...Hard news to hear for me and for me to write to you...but you need to understand where she is at.

So now you know where she is at and how to pray! We need to see more response and we need to see her limbs relax. It is so very hard to see her like this. You have no idea. Just looking at pictures of her, tear at my heart.

We feel the doctors do everything that can be done that is safe for her. She is on several meds, some to relax her body/limbs, she has Pt and OT, she has splints on her hands so that won't curl up. She wears boots on her feet so the toes won't point out. We play music and interact with her. There is nothing else to be done....She needs a touch from God!

There is no hope for her except in God. We have no one to turn to but Him. I'm so thankful He is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in time of trouble! All I can say is that scripture is true. I promise you it's true!!! Thank God it's true! This God that I serve does fulfill His promises! So if you wonder if God is real, let me tell you He is. He is the only ONE keeping me sane:)

Thank you for praying for Selah! Please keep her in your prayers! We so appreciate your prayers!

BTW it is COLD here in Rochester NY! Tomorrow it will be in the 40's, we think it's kinda neat for it to be so cold in September, the kids are amazed:) Tonight I'm wrapped up in a nice blanket that a friend sent the girls, I'm borrowing it!

Shad

this is the picture of Shad meeting Selah.

http://myreallifebyyvonne.blogspot.com/2009_03_01_archive.html

I was asked about Shad's adoption story and you can go to the post above for it. Or scroll down to the very first month I blogged for his sweet story

Morning update for Selah:

They are going up on her BP meds, they feel that it is just her brain responding to the injury and she may always have high blood pressure and need meds. Everything else is stable.

The morning has been rough for me. Hearing all the problems/issues that we face...feeling really really low right now. I can not express to you how hard it is to see our daughter like this. I'm used to kids being on wires/IVs etc...I mean Sam came home with a bunch of machines but I think the difference was knowing they would one day be gone. Knowing this is where she is without a miracle is very very hard.

So again I ask, PRAY for Selah!!!!

My Thoughts....

Since I was a child, I would think deeply about God and the things of God. Obviously God was calling me as a child to devote my life to Him. All I wanted to be was a pastor's wife:) Well I got that wish LOLOL! Then found out I was crazy for wishing it! But when others were thinking about various other things, I'd want to debate scripture. I look back now and laugh at myself but that was what was interesting to me. I always wanted to "rightly divide the word of truth" Even as a kid, I wanted to know answers WHY about many things in scripture.

Healing was never a big deal to me. Although I was raised in a pentecostal church, it just didn't come up in my life much. I was young, healthy...then we lost the twins and while healing was a secondary issue with them, my biggest was the whole question of suffering and WHY did we have to go through their loss! As I've said before I worked through that over years...then came Sam!

The whole issue of healing came and slapped me in the face! Now I grew up being taught all about healing and how it is for today. But I never really saw any true healings. That was my experience. Now we had a sick little blind, mentally delayed son....what did we do about it? Well we prayed, we had others pray, we even took him to a few meetings where ministers prayed for healing...Along the way, I came to believe that Sam was "fearfully and wonderfully made' God made Sam just like he was...a very very precious and special boy. He has Peter's Anomaly and a rare deletion in chromosome 4...he is probably one of the most rarest gems God ever made.....Was that a cop out? Not to me, I felt a total peace and acceptance of the situation. We were thrilled with him and there were times when he was sick or had an issue with his eyes after surgery that we prayed for God to touch that part of him. Honestly I can't imagine him any different than he is right now and just absolutely adore him!

I know we have friends/acquantices in the "faith" community who look down on us for having a handicapped child. Although NONE have ever had the nerve to say anything to our face (probably a bit scared of me LOL) but I feel we have been given a treasure that is so rare others just don't understand it. I've seen looks of others within our particular Christian circle, that I'd like to slap off their faces but I just roll my eyes and think of all they are missing with such a limited view of the graciousness of God. I'm sure some think we just don't have enough faith to see our son healed. Or maybe there is something wrong in our lives and that is why he was born with these issues.... There aren't many people who think like that, and certainly no one we would choose to be around, but they are there...on the fringe...

BTW, we think that children with handicaps are so special and close to the heart of God that we chose to go and adopt some more and bring them into our family! We were drawn to Shad, Sarah and Selah BECAUSE of their handicaps NOT because we necessarily wanted more kids! But they were the kids we needed to make up our family!

So now we are facing this....Selah went from being a special needs child to a child who is greatly handicapped...one who doesn't even seem to know we are there with her....How do we deal with this and the question of healing??????


If God spoke to my heart and I knew it was Him saying Selah would be healed, I'd proclaim it. God has given me faith for crazy things before like going to SEC and both Shad and the girls adoption as well as the rebuilding of our church ( more than $150,000 of work and we are debt free)

God hasn't spoken to either of us like that for Selah. We do not believe that God is a genie in a bottle and will just do whatever we say IF we say it enough or if we do certain things... We trust God through the difficulties.

God gave me a clear word in the mall that day, do not be afraid. He didn't promise that we'd have some great miracle...He didn't say He'd deliver us out of the situation, He just said "not to be afraid" that is what I'm clinging to...that no matter the outcome, He will be with us and we won't be afraid. I think that tends to be more real life than claiming a miracle.

I just keep praying that God will show mercy and I do remind Him of some things I've prayed for over the years, especially the last few months. So many times since we got the girls, I'd just thank God all throughout the day and before I'd go to sleep. I'd tell Him how happy I was and that ALL I asked for our family was to stay healthy and all be together for a long time. I can't tell you how many times I've prayed that specific prayer over the past few months. I'd never really prayed like that before... I told God that I didn't care about money, or whether our church was "successful" or where we lived or anything except to keep us all together, healthy and a long life....

I remind God of that prayer throughout my day...that prayer seemed to come from within my very being. It was not a prayer of fear or worry, just thankfulness and contentment....I was totally content with my life. We live in a tiny house, barely big enough to qualify for more children on our homestudy. My husband pastors a sweet church but a small one that doesn't seem to grow much no matter what we do, he works full time as a chaplain and hasn't had a raise in 6 or 7 yrs (thanks to all the budget problems) we live on a tight budget BUT we were sooooo happy and content. We didn't worry about the future, we didn't worry about finances, we didn't worry about much at all...we were just happy and content in our life. We wouldn't ever be on the cover of Charisma magazine or even our denominations' magazine for the most successful growing church, not alot of people knew our names, but we were faithfully doing the work of the kingdom. Jon was happy as a chaplain, he loves his inmates:) our kids were all settled and doing great...there was nothing, NOTHING that I desired EXCEPT for us to stay healthy and be together....I was content, I had found the secret of being content. Many times in my life I was not content....I was always looking ahead, wanting more, not necessarily material things, that has never been a big thing for me. But always wanting to "get ahead", be a success ,even in minsitry.... But here , out in the swamp (not really IN the swamp but mighty near) with five kids, in a tiny house, I found that elusive thing, contentment.

So now what do I have? Tonight is four weeks we have lived in the Ronald McDonald House, three and a half weeks since the accident with no real end in sight. My husband and I take turns taking care of Selah and the other kids here....Our kids are so flexible, I can't tell that any of them are stressed at all and I thank God that they are the kind of kids who just "go with the flow" But it's different living like this and dealing with all of this. Talk about living in a fishbowl! Tonight I went for a walk (yeah my foot is better-long story but I had THREE foot surgeries this summer and still have some issues that will have to be addressed when we get home sometime) but I just had to have a quiet place to cry out to God alone. I actually walked down by the Canal, past the area I think the accident happened but even at dusk on a cold (to me) night there were people around. So it's not the easiest place to be in to be dealing with all of this but it's ok. It's not home, our quiet little piece of the world.

I know that God is a God who listens. I do trust Him with my life, with my children's lives. He has been with me all the way through life, leading me, guiding me in so many many ways. I can look back and see the Hand of God through some deep valleys and through mountaintops too. So I don't have the testimony of HUGE miracles "the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame are walking" but I have the testimony that God is with me even through "the valley of the shadow of death" He has been there in the good times and the bad times. He has brought me out of things, He has provided for our needs. When we adopted Shad, there were complicates in my travel home and I believe God sent a real angel to help me and Shad...I shared it back awhile ago in a blog. I believe He meant for us to adopt these precious girls and provided all we needed for it. I believe He sent someone to give me a word (I'm almost thinking she was a angel also- but maybe not, maybe just someone who had the courage to come up to a complete stranger and share "Your family will be going through something big in a a few months and God wants you to know "do not be afraid!" Many will see...."


So I don't know what is going to happen. Maybe God will raise Selah up and heal her completely. Maybe we will have to walk this harder road with her. I don't know....I know what I want! I want Selah back 100% to her funny little self! Selah was delayed, maybe about a 12-18 month level. Some of the delay may have been because of being instiutionzed for years but she truly had real delays and would have never been "normal" but that was FINE with us! She was the funniest little girl and so cute! I know I write about her in the past tense but she is not that little girl anymore, she is so far away from us. That is the hardest thing for me to deal with.

So yes I cry out to God for healing but I trust Him regardless of what happens. God doesn't heal everyone, I don't have all the answers all I can say is I trust Him. Right now I have no real answers...but I trust Him. I try to look to eternity...even when everything within me is screaming for what I had, I try to look to THAT day when all tears are wiped away...

Is that just denial? Am I just trying to escape reality? I don't think so. I realize in this fallen world, things are going to be hard. No one promised us a rose garden. I read a blog of a friend today and she mentioned how ALL of the disciples of Jesus died horrible deaths. And the one who wasn't killed was exiled to an island for years and years, not an easy life! So if Jesus died on a cross and all his disciples had hard times, who are we to think we are going to sail through life and just live a hunky-dory life? That is not how it works! I think that is the problem with the church world today. We have ministers promising us things that God never promised us! Yes God will give you a wonderful enriching life but it may not be the life you planned it to be! I'm sure all the disciples knew God in a deep way and treasured the life that God gave them but it wasn't an easy life. If you take the Bible IN CONTEXT which means, learn to understand the bible as it was written and what the bible really means. for example , you can't just pick up the bible and open it randomly and pick a scripture out and say this is what God is saying to me. Ever heard the old joke about the man who did that and the first verse he picked was "Judas hung himself" well he didn't like that so he tried it again and the next verse he picked was "And go and do likewise"...that's funny but I know folks like that. Or my most annoying thing is when folks say "well God won't give you more than you can bear" and think that is a scripture...it is NOT!!!!! In that passage of scripture in I Corinthians 10:13 Paul is talking about TEMPTATION! And it really says is that temptation is common to all men and that " God will not allow us to be tempted above that which we can bear but with every temptation He will provide a way of escape." So PLEASE never say that to me to try and "comfort" me....it drives me CRAZY!!!!!!!!! Sorry my soapbox........

So we are trusting and that is not easy right now. Sometimes it is an hourly struggle for me. One hour I can reaffirming my faith, the next I am crying out to God saying "God do you remember me?" I'm not a saint at all. I shrink from learning about Selah's tubes and the care of them. Jon has started learning, and I just can not right now. I do NOT want to learn to do them, everything in me wants my Selah back. But I know I will have to learn how to take care of her. It's not that I don't want to take care of her but I hate the tubes, hate that she has to have all of this. Hate that even with all of this she is having health issues....I'm mad! And I'm not sure of who or what I'm angry with I'm just mad that this little girl who has gone through HELL has to deal with this now. Sometimes I'm glad she seems unaware of things...I hope she doesn't know much of what is going on with her physically right now. I'm drawn to her I want to touch her and hold her and try to as much as I can despite the tubes, so don't think I've turned away from her. It's not that, I just hate what the tubes represent.

This is so hard, if I thought there was a magic formula that would bring her back to us, I'd probably do it. But there is not, there is no where in scripture that gives us a magical formula. In fact one of my dear friends did a huge study on FAITH and in more than 50% of all healings that Jesus did, it was the faith of others NOT the patient that was mentioned . I find that interesting....so I ask you all to pray. Pray for Selah, pray that God will look upon her in mercy and heal her.

All I know is I'm going to trust God and "not foolishly charge God" with things. I think I'm gong to start studying the book of Job. There are many truths in there to learn. Job trusted God and despite what was going on, he didn't foolishly charge God with anything. But he did question God at times.

Our story has become public, and although I will always be honest in my writings, I do want to point anyone who hears or reads our story to Jesus. We're not perfect people. We are in pain and dealing with the hardest thing we have ever dealt with but we can still say God is good. Our circumstances do not change who God is...and His peace has surrounded us throughout this horrible time like a a blanket. My hope for everyone who reads this is that they will experience the peace of God in their hard times like we have.

My husband likes to sing a old song that goes "This peace that I have , the world didn't give it and the world can not take it away" That is so true. Although our hearts are breaking, we still have peace. That is something I can not explain but it is so true!

Please pray for Selah. Her blood pressures remain high and pray that she returns to us!

Sunday update

Nothing has changed, her blood pressures stay high most of the time. They do seem to respond to the meds in the first hour following her medication but then they climb right back up. Please pray for her!

Today I keep reminding myself of that word I got from the Lord, in the mall...Don't be afraid....that is what I'm holding on to right now. Feeling very fearful on many different fronts....but thankful that The God of the Universe took the time to tell me "do not be afraid" three months before this happened. I've never had a prophetic word in my life. Being raised Pentecostal and becoming quite skeptical of alot of foolishness at a early age, did NOT make me a good audience LOL. I've been in services where everyone around me "got a word" but for me. I always thought it was quite funny! But God....gives me a soft gentle word in the middle of the Mall, that speaks to my heart in the worst times. I'm holding onto that word right now.

I know I ask for prayer for Selah all the time...and I just have to tell you that is the one thing that you can do for us. Pray that her BP will come down and that she will respond to us. She seems so far away from us right now. Her body is stiff, responding to neurological signals of injury. It's so sad to see her like this. She is breathing on her own and accepting her feeds through the g-tube with no issues and we are glad of that but .....please pray!!!!!

Still need prayers!!

Selah's blood pressure is still high, last reading 161/110! She responds to the meds given for about an hour then her pressures go back up. She had two "seizure like " movements today. She will have an EEG tomorrow to see if anything registers...she'd had it on continuously for about a week with no sign of seizure activity.

She has had many tests to try and determine why her blood pressures are this high. They've ruled out most regular reasons. It could be that her brain is "changing" and it needs more blood. That is not really a "good" thing.

Her heart rate has become a bit more stable, it seems to mostly stay in the 120-130 range which is still on the high side but not as high.

So again our girl is in a dangerous situation. Please pray for her. We are so disheartened that she is having these problems. She hasn't really responded to us in the last couple of days.


She is breathing great on her own and she is doing well with feeds. Her g-tube seems to be working good. We are thankful that she is doing good in these area.


I just ask and ask for you to pray for her...ask your church to pray, ask your friends to pray...Please dont' forget about her. We haven't given up hope for recovery, but some days are way harder than others, this is one of those days.

Prayer Needed! High Blood Pressure

Last night Selah's blood pressures were up and down. This morning she may have had a seizure. It was small and they aren't sure but neuro is coming to check her out. Please pray that her blood pressure will normalize! This is NOT a good thing! It seemed the meds she was given last night worked for about an hour but then wore off. She is little and can't get just tons of medicine plus it can affect her body in other ways, everything has to be weighed out. Please pray for Selah!!!!!!! this is desperate once again!!!

Selah's Story

Someone asked if I'd tell our story/Selah's story to my new readers. If you go back to November 2011 on, you can read it in more detail...but here goes...

Last summer we were a happy family with our three boys...Jon & I are in our late 40's and thought we were complete. We had thought about adoption right after we adopted Shad but that adoption didn't work out. So we thought we were done...and we were fine with it.

Then....a friend posted a blog about a family who had adopted a 12 year old from Bulgaria who weighed 12 pounds she had Downs and was horribly mistreated...I read about their journey & was just amazed! In that blog, they mentioned Reece's Rainbow. Well I looked...and googled "blind children' and three kids came up...Sarah (named Genesis for their purpose to not share her real name), Dimitry and Michelle. Sarah looked JUST like Sam. In the awful picture, her head was shaved and I thought she was a he. She looked so much like Sam, that I was blown away. I turned the computer off, I was just sick on my stomach. Her little blurb talked about the fact she was in an adult mental institution. That night I couldn't sleep, I tossed & turned and thought "what if that were Sam????" I prayed for all three children but especially her (although I thought at the time, she was a boy) The next Sunday was the first Sunday in November which has become "orphan Sunday" I talked to Jon and we decide to take up an offering and put money on a grant for all three children to help someone to adopt them. So we took up an offering. Then by that Sunday evening I had decided a one time offering of a little less than $300 just was not enough! Our church Grace Church had just gone through a building program and because of the generosity of other churches and individuals, we owed no money at all on the more than $100,000 worth of repairs! So I thought our church needed to step up and raise the full amount for all three children to get families....

The next day I called the director of Reece's Rainbow and shared all that with her. I'm sure she thought I was a bit of a kook but she wasn't the first nor would be the last to think that LOL!

So that idea lasted for about 3 days LOL! On Wednesday night I met my husband outside our house after he drove up and told him I didn't want anyone else to adopt Sarah! He totally agreed...the next morning I was back to calling the director of Reece's Rainbow...well just that past Monday I told her that we wanted to help those kids but we were NOT going to adopt them! LOLOL!! So now I'm telling her we wanted to adopt Sarah and Dimitry since they were at the same adult mental institution! I'm sure she thought I was truly a kook then!!!!!

We wanted to commit to Sarah (Genesis) and Dimitry. But RR wasn't sure if that was a good idea as they were at mental institution where there were concerns about adopting from. (Come to find out, we were 100% welcomed there) but we committed to Sarah and began the process of compiling a dossier.

I put on FB what we were doing and how much money we needed for our "American" side of the adoption. Within THREE hours the total amount that we needed to get started came in as pledges! CRAZY!

So we ran through the adoption process, mostly due to the fact we had a great social worker who we had worked together with before in Shad's adoption and plus I was totally motivated to get the dossier done. I had all our paperwork done in 8 weeks!!! Somewhere along the line we committed to Dimitry also who we had planned to rename Seth.

Our fiances were coming in. On December 31, 2011, we estimated that we need over $17,000 to complete the adoption. On that day OVER $10,000 came in! Some through the fund that Reece's Rainbow set up for us and some from a family who gave through our church. Then God spoke to my heart and told me that the reminder would come in all at one time...Two weeks later it did....So we wre fully funded and our paperwork was in country. Then we waited for a travel date...that was sooooo hard! Throughout the process I had a fear that one of the children would die. It was a real fear because that happens. One family just lost the child they were hoping to adopt only NINE days before they were to travel. It's a real life and death struggle in Ukraine. Ukraine is a very poor country with little health care available.

Well one morning I got a email from our facilitator...I read it and just started bawling! Another family had adopted Dimitry...it just broke our hearts. I was sad and angry. Oh that day was just awful!!! If you adopt from Ukraine, the child you want to adopt is not held for you. Some countries do hold a child but Ukraine feels that the child should have every chance of a family and it is in the child's interest that they are not held. Many times adoptive families do back out on adoptions and if the child's case has been held, it may keep another family from moving forward for the child. I actually agree with how it is done but it is scary while you are adopting! So that day I was a mess! But I determined I was going to trust God. I've said this before,and I'll say it again, I've been bitter and I know how awful that place is! I will not go back to there again! So we worked through the disappointment as a family and looked at it as a blessing for Dimitry that he would have a family before we could get there and that he was already being cared for and loved on. He had more special needs so who knows if he would have survived until we got there. Maybe he would have gotten pneumonia or a flu in the weeks before we could come? God knows what is best. (FYI, we are now quite good friends with his family and love them and are sooo happy for him and them! They worked with another facilitator and didn't know us. It's great to be friends with them and see him blossom and grow. We hope one day to meet in person:)

So then we were bombarded it seemed by pictures of other children that were there and available for adoption...the first picture was of Selah. Her condition was listed as blind and Cerebral palsy. We doubted she was blind because of the way she looked into the camera in every picture we saw of her. We were cautious but went ahead and changed our home study to include her age and all her disabilities.

This all happened about 6 weeks before we left. Then I started getting excited about having TWO little girls! ME, the mother of THREE boys, would get to have PINK!!!! Let the shopping begin LOLOLOL!!!!

Then we left on March 30th, met the girls on April 4th, went to court, finally were allowed to take them out on May 5th, got home on May 9th after all the embassy stuff...then we had a wonderful magical summer. Selah was most certainly NOT blind nor did she have CP. Both girls were just a joy to have and they fit into our family like they were the missing pieces! Over and over throughout the summer, I would just tell God how thankful I was for my life and my five children! I told Jon several times that I had NEVER been happier before in my life. We had these three great boys who we adored and now we were blessed with these two precious angels who just fit in and were so easy to parent. Our biggest challenge was getting the three little ones into the van. Sam and Selah don't walk all that good and Sarah doesn't walk yet so it was challenging if you were by yourself to get everyone in and strapped! Truly that was my biggest challenge! Selah and Sarah were pure joy:) There were none of the problems that we anticaped of adopting older children from a mental institution! What a marvelous summer it was, introducing them to new things, planning their wardrobe ( no they didn't care but it was fun to me to put them in new outfits daily!) What fun we had!


On August 10th we left Florida to drive up here for Sam's yearly check up and to see if Sarah would be eligible for a corneal implant. We took our time driving, stopped in Mt Airy NC to visit Andy Griffith's hometown, had a great time. We got here and on August 14, Sam and Sarah had EUA (exam under anesthesia) Sam's eyes were perfect, five years out from his corneal implant. Dr Aquevella had some concerns about Sarah's eye being strong enough to have the operation. So she was scheduled for a MRI on August 16th.

Selah's 8th birthday was on August 14, the day Sam and Sarah had the EUAs. We were at this hospital from 6 am till 4 pm. It was pouring rain that night so we stayed in and ate at the RMH...we really didn't celebrate her birthday, we planned to do so on August 15th.

The accident happened on Aug 15th.

We did get Sarah an MRI the next week but determined her eye is too fragile for the operation.

BTW, the other little girl Michelle who was at another mental institution has a family now also!

DAILY UPDATE:

Jon stayed throughout the day with Selah and I stayed with the other four. Today she has battled very very high blood pressures. One medicine was tried but it brought her heart rate up too high. She has been given a different one now and thankfully her body has responded to it perfectly! Please keep praying for her!

Jon felt like she responded to him today in a new way. Se was mimicking the noises she used to make for different things (she was non verbal) and she began moving her lips as if she were copying him. I took over at 7pm and felt like she was very far away. She is extremely stiff tonight, her limbs feel like a piece of wood. She has just been given some meds for that also. Their hope is that she will relax her limbs as it causes more damage to her range of motion. She seems very far away tonight and again I am just hanging on in faith. PLEASE pray for her!

Our family was blessed today by the Rochester Macy's! They invited us to come and shop with them! It was a fun but a bit overwhelming experience:) They gave us about $150 in free mechanise and then gave us crazy discounts on everything else we bought:) All the boys got a Nike jogging suit and jeans and a long sleeved shirt. Steve somehow got a 2nd Nike shirt and soft jogging pants (don't know how that happened LOL) Got Sarah a PJ set and a new outfit too. We had a wonderful manager with us helping me or I'd probably been so overwhelmed I would have left long before I did! She insited that I get something and Jon too and we actually both got several things. It was fun and we met some really sweet folks! Thanks to the manager Bill and his assistant Amanda!!!!!! You guys just blessed our family so much and in such a sweet warm way:) Steve and Shad can't wait to wear their new clothes! They are excited and hoping it will get cooler quick!!!! We are truly thankful for your kindness to our family!

Y'all know we're from the south....but we have met some wonderful folks up here in the north and have experienced "Northern Hospitality"! We are daily amazed by all the kindness we have been shown! We are blessed with this great hospital and staff who do all they can for Selah and truly seem to care even about little details! We are blessed with the Ronald McDonald House and staff and volunteers who truly care about our family as if we were part of their family! The community of Rochester has been kind to us in so many ways & has reached out to us~ During this trying time we have been surrounded by so much love! We have a college friend Charlene Wallenbeck who comes every day and stays with our other four kids so Jon & I can come up to the hospital together for some time! Our hearts are overflowing with thankfulness for all the kindness so many here have shown to us! The readers of my blog have been so uplifting in their responses, we have so many friends all over the world praying for Selah...calls, texts, emails, cards, packages, gift cards, food, checks...people reaching out in practical ways...it blows us away. It's been a great lesson for Steve and Shad to see how much it means to reach out to others when trying times come! They are so appreciative also. We can't help but weep at times from just the love we've recieved from so many...THANK YOU ALL!!!!

Breathing on her own!!!!

Selah is off the vent breathing on her own through the trach!!!!! She also has had pedilyte introduced in to her feeding tube and she is handling it great! She has done great physically through the surgery and in her recovery. Thank you for your prayers! She is not quite as awake as she has been so we haven't really seen as much respond. Yesterday when she first came back from surgery, she didn't seem to have much control over her tongue. But today she is able to hold it in her mouth better. Evidently three week on a vent, can cause some weakness in that area.

She still has high blood pressures and no one knows the reason why. Tonight the Renal specialist came by and examined her. They will decide if she needs meds for her high blood pressure and what can be causing it.

I had a odd experience today, almost passed out right when she came off the respirator and had some chest pain. They took me down to ER and ran a bunch of tests. Everything was fine and I feel pretty silly! I guess the stress of everything finally got to me! It was scary to have chest pains. I was sitting typing when I almost passed out. I had enough sense to hand Jon my laptop LOL! It was NOT going down with me!

So we are still trusting in the God who has brought us this far! I'm amazed at how He has given us the grace to walk these past 3 weeks. We have surely experienced "the peace that passes all understanding" It's beyond my understanding for sure!

Please keep praying for more responses to us! pray that she will recover neurologically. We thank you for your prayers!!!

HOPE

Four months ago today we walked out of an Ukraine Mental Institution with Selah and Sarah. Three weeks ago today the accident happened. Today Selah had her g-tube and trach put in. She did great thank God! Tonight I can look at her sweet little face without all the tape and tubes!

The plan is to try and wean her off the vent. Right now the setting is very low, 8 breathes a minute, she is doing all the breathing over that. The doctors expect her to be able to breath totally on her own. The reason she had to have the trach is that she is not swallowing/gagging or coughing and would aspirate on her saliva. When she gets the cough/gag reflex back the trach will be able to come out. You notice I said when and not if....I believe she will get the cough/gag back!

Since this happened three weeks ago, God has answered many prayers. Our first answered prayer is that Selah lived! She was not expected to live at all! We were repeatably told she would not live...but she did. Second, we prayed for the fevers to go and they did. Third we prayed for her to have a corneal reaction and she did. Fourth we prayed for her kidney function to recover and it did. Fifth we prayed for some neurological response and we believe she responded to Jon today before her surgery.

She has had some movements but they have not been "good purposeful" movements. They were what is called "posturing" which indicated neurological damage. All her limbs move at the same time in response to pain/pressure or stimulation. Today she seemed to make some purposeful movement when Jon said "Selah come to daddy" She seemed to lift and turn her head towards him (and he was on her left side which is not the side she seems to favor. Her limbs did not move all together (which was good-less chance of this being posturing) She did it 4 times ONLY when he said "Selah come to daddy" Then I called the nurse into see it. She didn't think it was posturing but said she wasn't sure of what she was seeing.

I wasn't sure if I was going to share this...it is a very small step and she needs to show constancy with this. We have been disappointed before with Sam who has done something once or twice and then NEVER did it again. So we are cautious about getting too excited about this and really would appreciate restraint on your part too LOL! Certainly it is good and anything that is not a step backwards is great but we have been extremely disappointed in some small strides Sam made that he never could repeat again to be too excited UNTIL we see a good consistent pattern. But we are excited and do feel like it was a true response.

The doctors have told us they feel all of her cerebral brain function is gone. That 's the part of the brain that is her intellect and her personality. They feel she only has a small part of her brain stem left The brain stem controls the basic functions like breathing, pain, temperature control (the concern with the fevers), gag/cough reflexes etc.... So since she doesn't seem to have even all of her brain stem function, it is hard for them to think she has anything above it. I don not think the doctors are trying to mislead us. They see near drownings all the time and know how things usually go. I believe they would be thrilled to see her exceed their expectations but they have seen so much they do not want us to get our hopes up.

So we are cautiously optimist and we are trusting in God. We are very thankful for the care she has received here at Strongs'. This is a great hospital with a wonderful approach to the whole person and family. So while we are thankful for the care she has received physically we know our real HOPE is in the Lord. We have been told over and over that there is nothing that can be done for her neurologically....

So please pray that Selah will respond more and more neurologically. Pray that all will see it and that God will get the glory for it. That is one thing that is for sure, if she recovers neurologically it will be God. Nothing can be done by any doctors for her at this time. They acknowledge that. We have some hope for some stem cell research but that is in the future.

Our hope is in God who made heaven and earth...pray for Selah!