Ten years ago...I was having steroid shots in preparation for the very premature birth of my Sam, not knowing what the next day would bring. We didn't know if he'd survive his birth (planned c-section due to no ammonic fluid & little growth on his part) as I hoped & prayed that day that we wouldn't have to go through another loss....I had NO idea of the adventure I was really about to embark on....so thankful I've gotten the chance to be Sam's mama!!!!
I remember many details of the day before Sam's birth. I went into my office for really the last time to say goodbye and let people know what was going on, at that time I thought I'd be back to work in a couple of months if all went well. Then I went to the hospital for the 2nd very painful steroid shot. They showed me around the NICU....NOT the best thing for me. I saw babies smaller than anything I'd ever seen before. The nurses had a little bed already prepared for Sam with his name on it. That totally freaked me out. I was so scared & upset after seeing the NICU! (I don't really like to know about reality until it happens LOL)
Got home to our septic system being pumped out....nice. Back then home was a "huge" compared to now, house in suburbia with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a screened in patio, fireplace, walk in closets... I laugh now, what did Jon, Steve and me need all that room for? We didn't know how lonely we all were!
Jon took me to the mall to buy some PJ's. Until the day before I'd been on bedrest for months so this was my only time to shop before his birth. The day before the doctor had decided that Sam was in more danger in than out so it was time for him to be born. But they gave me the steroid shots two days in a row to help his lungs mature faster. It really worked and he had little problems compared to some preemies.
My OB doctor was a nice guy, I was actually friends with his daughter so we had a good relationship. When he informed me that he thought it best to take Sam by C-section at barely 32 weeks, I was in such shock. During the pregnancy I hadn't really gained weight, seldom felt Sam move, so I really didn't feel like I was pregnant! It felt WAY TOO soon to be having a baby. Well I guess I was in such shock that I didn't say anything to him. He walked out, then walked back in because he later told me he was afraid I was going to faint! LOL He said he had never known me to be speechless:)
That night I held Steve close, I was afraid, I'd never had really had a surgery but when they took the twins and that didn't turn out so good for me. So I didn't know what to expect. I also held my little tiny baby bump because I didn't know if that might be our last night together.
Our doctor really took major precautions based on what had happened to me with the twins. He told me there would be no dying on his shift. My doctor passed away a few years ago, suddenly from a horrible form of cancer, I hope he was well taken care of during that time because he showed us a lot of concern and care. He didn't know why Sam was doing so poorly, barely growing, not moving so he did gently talk to me about things. We had planned for me to have a tubal ligation since I was already having a C-section but he was honest and told me he just didn't know how things were going to go at delivery so he thought we should hold off on doing that in case Sam didn't survive.
(Now we know that probably a lot of the problem was that Sam had Peter's Anomaly and it has really affected his growth.)
It was an emotional day, ten years ago. It seems so long ago yet such a short time. Sam has been nothing but an adventure since before day 1! but I wouldn't have him any other way!!!
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We had a good but very busy weekend. Everyone is well, Selah has seemed really alert the last two days. Church was great, our highest attendance yet! Our teens begin practicing for their Fine Art's performance in a percussion band. It's exciting to see things come together like it has.
"Our life maybe a crazy life but it's our life" I'm married to a pastor of a small rural church, who is also the prison chaplain. We have 5 kids, each with their unique story. I love gardening & we all love the outdoors. Our life is not the way we planned it to be, but we are learning to trust God in every area. Come and read about our life as we live it to the fullest!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Friday, February 7, 2014
School
This morning we had the final IEP meeting in relation to the three little ones schooling for this year. This 2 plus hour meeting went over all the recommendations and services they will receive. I agree with the majority of it, just wanted Sarah and Sam to get O&M (orientation and mobility) more time than they get it weekly. I'm glad to be done with meetings!!!!! I'm sure the school board personnel are also glad to be done with us! I do feel we have made better progress this year than any year since I've been dealing with the public school system.
One good idea that was brought up was the possibility of Sam and Sarah going to school next year using a McKay scholarship.. A McKay pays for a child to go to any school, public or private in the state of Florida, as long as the child has an Individual Education Plan (IEP)* or 504 Accommodation Plan. It's a school choice program. Our son's school takes Mckay scholarships. So this idea was floated around today. After I left the meeting I called our principal and talked to him about it. We had discussed it after the girls were adopted and before the accident happened so he recalled our conversation. The funny thing, one of my closest friends who works there had just talked to him about a special needs classroom, just yesterday! And she and I had NOT discussed this since before the accident! How funny!
So we had a good talk, I brought in their current IEPs and we are going from there......I'm even hoping that my close friend may end up as their teacher if this all works out! To be honest, it is a good thing I'm going to a psychiatrist soon.......this is a big change for me to even seriously think about. Sam has always had such underlying medical issues, that it is hard for me to trust anyone with him but I know I could trust if my friend was their direct teacher. I've worried for Sarah that a school setting might seem more like an institution to her. I don't want to freak her out emotionally.
If this works out, then all the younger children would be in school. Steve at college and Selah with her nurse....I may actually get some of my work done. It would take off some of the stress but then replace it with some other type of stress. LOL I have ALREADY started worrying thank you very much:) I bet that Sam has never been without me, Jon or Steve for anymore than maybe 24 hours of his life, I can only think of three times that I've left him with someone besides the three of us! Sarah has been left twice for a few hours since we've had her. Those are 2 of the 3 times I've ever left him..... With a child that is non verbal, it is hard to leave them. I've never really used many babysitters, even for Steve.
So my life may really be about to change! We'll see how things go.
Thanks for all the kind remarks I got regarding yesterday's blog. I never know how people will take things. So I never know if the comments/emails will be positive or negative. Thanks for being positive!
It's a chilly rainy day in Florida. We got Chinese for a late lunch and I'm ready to go fall out and sleep for a month:) Steve and Shad went off to see a movie. It's nice to have someone else driving, but I'm just letting him start to drive the kids without us in the van. Selah is doing good.
Hope you all have a good weekend and please remember Selah in your prayers!
One good idea that was brought up was the possibility of Sam and Sarah going to school next year using a McKay scholarship.. A McKay pays for a child to go to any school, public or private in the state of Florida, as long as the child has an Individual Education Plan (IEP)* or 504 Accommodation Plan. It's a school choice program. Our son's school takes Mckay scholarships. So this idea was floated around today. After I left the meeting I called our principal and talked to him about it. We had discussed it after the girls were adopted and before the accident happened so he recalled our conversation. The funny thing, one of my closest friends who works there had just talked to him about a special needs classroom, just yesterday! And she and I had NOT discussed this since before the accident! How funny!
So we had a good talk, I brought in their current IEPs and we are going from there......I'm even hoping that my close friend may end up as their teacher if this all works out! To be honest, it is a good thing I'm going to a psychiatrist soon.......this is a big change for me to even seriously think about. Sam has always had such underlying medical issues, that it is hard for me to trust anyone with him but I know I could trust if my friend was their direct teacher. I've worried for Sarah that a school setting might seem more like an institution to her. I don't want to freak her out emotionally.
If this works out, then all the younger children would be in school. Steve at college and Selah with her nurse....I may actually get some of my work done. It would take off some of the stress but then replace it with some other type of stress. LOL I have ALREADY started worrying thank you very much:) I bet that Sam has never been without me, Jon or Steve for anymore than maybe 24 hours of his life, I can only think of three times that I've left him with someone besides the three of us! Sarah has been left twice for a few hours since we've had her. Those are 2 of the 3 times I've ever left him..... With a child that is non verbal, it is hard to leave them. I've never really used many babysitters, even for Steve.
So my life may really be about to change! We'll see how things go.
Thanks for all the kind remarks I got regarding yesterday's blog. I never know how people will take things. So I never know if the comments/emails will be positive or negative. Thanks for being positive!
It's a chilly rainy day in Florida. We got Chinese for a late lunch and I'm ready to go fall out and sleep for a month:) Steve and Shad went off to see a movie. It's nice to have someone else driving, but I'm just letting him start to drive the kids without us in the van. Selah is doing good.
Hope you all have a good weekend and please remember Selah in your prayers!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
HELP!
Do you get overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities of life? I surely do! I feel I'm drowning in all the duties of my life and doing none of them very good.
I used to be such an organized person. Even after we had five children, I had everything done, organized and cleaned. But since the accident, I can not concentrate on things very well. I was such a focused person but I cannot maintain focus still. Some days are a bit better than others. It's not like I'm sitting around all day doing nothing, I keep busy but not focused. It is so frustrating to me!
Today I made some decisions that I think will help me. I bought a big notebook to keep track of the "to do list" as well as other things. That along with the calendar should help me. Recently I've used about four different notebooks as well as backs of envelopes, that would get lost....so this has to be better.
We keep our house picked up and as clutter free as possible but I don't have time to deep clean very often so I've found someone to clean my house deep once a month. To me, this is a bit humbling but at this point in life, I have people in and out of my home day & night, there is just not enough time to do this and I can't stand things not clean!
I've asked someone to take over some of the paperwork responsibilities of the church.
And this may shock some of you but I've made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The appointment has been made for more than a month but it's like a relief to know I have the appointment set. Some may see this as a cop out but I recognize the stress I'm under and how I'm dealing with it. The stress of my life is not going to go away. Sometimes a person can be in a stressful situation for a short time and can deal with it. I've been in this extreme situation for a year and a half. There are so very many different facets to our situation that it is just unreal. Our lives were changed for the better when we had Sam, adopted Shad, and adopted the girls. But with each thing came more stress and more responsibility . Then the accident and the ongoing status of Selah is incredibly hard to wrap your mind around. I've been asked if I am depressed and really I don't think so. Because I do have a hope beyond this life, I know one day everything will be ok. I look forward to that future time but I also look forward to things in our lives now. We have a lot of responsibilities but we are really pretty happy people. I've been depressed before, like after the death of the twins and that is not how I feel now at all. I do feel grief sometimes that overwhelms me about Selah. But overall, I look forward to what life has in store for us. There are so many things going on GOOD in our lives right now.
But what I have the hardest thing dealing with is the lack of focus day to day and the anxiety that something else bad will happen to one of us. I joke around with my close friends, who all tend to have the same sense of humor I have, and say as long as I worry about it....IT will NOT happen. For example, one of my friends was going back home on a plane and I made sure I worried about it crashing for her so then it wouldn't crash LOL! You know they say 99% of what you worry about will not happen so I worry so it won't happen? Make sense to you? It makes plenty of sense to me:)
But the serious things is I didn't ever worry about my kids falling into the Erie Canal....and it happened. They went off in the stroller, down the sidewalk on a beautiful day........So now I worry that random things will happen to us.....Ok are you ready to call in the guys with the white suit yet? I share this in a light hearted way because I know it is absurd but..... I worry. And I know that that is not normal to worry so much. Please no scriptures about worrying....I know them. I'm also NOT going to a Christian counselor for that very reason. I don't need to be told I'm in sin for being worried for my family. (not that I think it is a sin to worry, I think it is human nature as we live in a fallen world where bad things happen that we have no control over.) If the doctor turns out to be a Christian that is great if not that's ok too with me.
So I'm hoping I will find some help to let me focus better & to let go of some of the anxiety of my life. If you knew me "in real life" you probably wouldn't think I battle with these things. I'm being very honest & open on here because there are so many people who struggle in their minds who are ashamed to get help. People tell me all the time "you make it look easy" Well it's not easy....
Of course I believe my MAIN help comes from the Maker of Heaven and earth....I wouldn't be in any way able to function without God. But just as we have doctors for our bodies, there are doctors for our minds too.
So I'm being extremely open and vulnerable here......but this is my REAL life and it is where I am at. I want to be healthy physically and mentally to be able to take care of my children for the rest of my life. I'm hoping to have many years to care and love on my little ones. The three little ones will always need us to take care of all their needs so I want to be healthy to do so.
I grew up around mental illness. Of course as a child you don't recognize it it's "just the way things are" But both of my aunts had a fear of leaving the house. One of them had extreme anxiety about everything from her health to everyone's safety., I understand now looking back. Obviously there were many dysfunctional aspects to my life, having parents who walked out on me as a child and who lived like teenagers as long as possible..... so I know I do not want to live like that.
So I hope my honesty will help someone who is reading this to get help if they need it. I've told a few friends I was going to share about this and they were shocked.
This morning I read this on a friend's wall "Dear friends, be careful of the preacher who never has a doubt, a bad day, loses a battle, or always is on top of the spiritual world!" I thought it was a good quote. So I guess with me you don't have to worry about that with me.....
I used to be such an organized person. Even after we had five children, I had everything done, organized and cleaned. But since the accident, I can not concentrate on things very well. I was such a focused person but I cannot maintain focus still. Some days are a bit better than others. It's not like I'm sitting around all day doing nothing, I keep busy but not focused. It is so frustrating to me!
Today I made some decisions that I think will help me. I bought a big notebook to keep track of the "to do list" as well as other things. That along with the calendar should help me. Recently I've used about four different notebooks as well as backs of envelopes, that would get lost....so this has to be better.
We keep our house picked up and as clutter free as possible but I don't have time to deep clean very often so I've found someone to clean my house deep once a month. To me, this is a bit humbling but at this point in life, I have people in and out of my home day & night, there is just not enough time to do this and I can't stand things not clean!
I've asked someone to take over some of the paperwork responsibilities of the church.
And this may shock some of you but I've made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The appointment has been made for more than a month but it's like a relief to know I have the appointment set. Some may see this as a cop out but I recognize the stress I'm under and how I'm dealing with it. The stress of my life is not going to go away. Sometimes a person can be in a stressful situation for a short time and can deal with it. I've been in this extreme situation for a year and a half. There are so very many different facets to our situation that it is just unreal. Our lives were changed for the better when we had Sam, adopted Shad, and adopted the girls. But with each thing came more stress and more responsibility . Then the accident and the ongoing status of Selah is incredibly hard to wrap your mind around. I've been asked if I am depressed and really I don't think so. Because I do have a hope beyond this life, I know one day everything will be ok. I look forward to that future time but I also look forward to things in our lives now. We have a lot of responsibilities but we are really pretty happy people. I've been depressed before, like after the death of the twins and that is not how I feel now at all. I do feel grief sometimes that overwhelms me about Selah. But overall, I look forward to what life has in store for us. There are so many things going on GOOD in our lives right now.
But what I have the hardest thing dealing with is the lack of focus day to day and the anxiety that something else bad will happen to one of us. I joke around with my close friends, who all tend to have the same sense of humor I have, and say as long as I worry about it....IT will NOT happen. For example, one of my friends was going back home on a plane and I made sure I worried about it crashing for her so then it wouldn't crash LOL! You know they say 99% of what you worry about will not happen so I worry so it won't happen? Make sense to you? It makes plenty of sense to me:)
But the serious things is I didn't ever worry about my kids falling into the Erie Canal....and it happened. They went off in the stroller, down the sidewalk on a beautiful day........So now I worry that random things will happen to us.....Ok are you ready to call in the guys with the white suit yet? I share this in a light hearted way because I know it is absurd but..... I worry. And I know that that is not normal to worry so much. Please no scriptures about worrying....I know them. I'm also NOT going to a Christian counselor for that very reason. I don't need to be told I'm in sin for being worried for my family. (not that I think it is a sin to worry, I think it is human nature as we live in a fallen world where bad things happen that we have no control over.) If the doctor turns out to be a Christian that is great if not that's ok too with me.
So I'm hoping I will find some help to let me focus better & to let go of some of the anxiety of my life. If you knew me "in real life" you probably wouldn't think I battle with these things. I'm being very honest & open on here because there are so many people who struggle in their minds who are ashamed to get help. People tell me all the time "you make it look easy" Well it's not easy....
Of course I believe my MAIN help comes from the Maker of Heaven and earth....I wouldn't be in any way able to function without God. But just as we have doctors for our bodies, there are doctors for our minds too.
So I'm being extremely open and vulnerable here......but this is my REAL life and it is where I am at. I want to be healthy physically and mentally to be able to take care of my children for the rest of my life. I'm hoping to have many years to care and love on my little ones. The three little ones will always need us to take care of all their needs so I want to be healthy to do so.
I grew up around mental illness. Of course as a child you don't recognize it it's "just the way things are" But both of my aunts had a fear of leaving the house. One of them had extreme anxiety about everything from her health to everyone's safety., I understand now looking back. Obviously there were many dysfunctional aspects to my life, having parents who walked out on me as a child and who lived like teenagers as long as possible..... so I know I do not want to live like that.
So I hope my honesty will help someone who is reading this to get help if they need it. I've told a few friends I was going to share about this and they were shocked.
This morning I read this on a friend's wall "Dear friends, be careful of the preacher who never has a doubt, a bad day, loses a battle, or always is on top of the spiritual world!" I thought it was a good quote. So I guess with me you don't have to worry about that with me.....
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Sarah's life changed again!
Today Sarah's life changed again......
We'd been using a borrowed walker for her. We only used it around the house/yard and church. Since she can't see, we have to hold it and guide her as she walks. She is a little girl so it means bending over and walking with her. That is ok in a safe place when I only have to be responsible for Sarah. But when I have the other children or if I'm in a parking lot, I can not be aware of what all is around me and I certainly can't let go of her walker because she could walk into something or off a curb. I can't stand up completely so I can see all around us nor can I look after Sam while I'm walking like that. So I asked our Physical Therapist if we could put a handle on the walker. We brain stormed different ways to do it but nothing seemed to work. Then she researched for me and found the kind of walker I needed to safely take Sarah out anywhere we go.
It came in today.....and we went out......
Sarah walked from the house to the van, then from the van into the hair salon. She walked around the outside until it was our turn. (All 5 of us go so they know us and get us in and out!) Then she walked back to the van. Then we went to Walmart for a few things and she walked in and around Walmart some. On the way back to the parking lot, she did make a crying face so I did carry her to the van (which I'm not supposed to do now with 2 hernias but hey....) I was able to hold onto Sarah and at one point Sam also. I felt perfectly safe being able to be upright and look around, especially in the parking lot. This new walker has changed our lives!
We'd been using a borrowed walker for her. We only used it around the house/yard and church. Since she can't see, we have to hold it and guide her as she walks. She is a little girl so it means bending over and walking with her. That is ok in a safe place when I only have to be responsible for Sarah. But when I have the other children or if I'm in a parking lot, I can not be aware of what all is around me and I certainly can't let go of her walker because she could walk into something or off a curb. I can't stand up completely so I can see all around us nor can I look after Sam while I'm walking like that. So I asked our Physical Therapist if we could put a handle on the walker. We brain stormed different ways to do it but nothing seemed to work. Then she researched for me and found the kind of walker I needed to safely take Sarah out anywhere we go.
It came in today.....and we went out......
Sarah walked from the house to the van, then from the van into the hair salon. She walked around the outside until it was our turn. (All 5 of us go so they know us and get us in and out!) Then she walked back to the van. Then we went to Walmart for a few things and she walked in and around Walmart some. On the way back to the parking lot, she did make a crying face so I did carry her to the van (which I'm not supposed to do now with 2 hernias but hey....) I was able to hold onto Sarah and at one point Sam also. I felt perfectly safe being able to be upright and look around, especially in the parking lot. This new walker has changed our lives!
If she looks a little blue around the lips, she had just had a blue lollipop, after her haircut.
we started out in my fav section, the gardening section!
see my handle! It was so easy to help her steer away from things in her path
Btw if you wonder why she always wears leggings, it's to protect her legs. She often runs into things and gets lots of little bruises. Not being able to see, AND being very much a dare devil, makes for some interesting falls. If she wears leggings she generally doesn't scrape her knees up as much. Her leggings were dirty today but no scrapes or bruises :) She is tough and seldom cries but she is so excited to just GO! So she goes and we rush along beside her as best we can. She has learned how to avoid hurting herself, for the most part in our home but our house is set up for a blind person. Nothing hard, no sharp edges..... We hope she will learn to let the walker be her protection but she still gets too excited and even if she hits something, if we don't' catch her, she'll just ram it again and again. This is a pre caning (using the white cane) skill that she hasn't learned to master but we all think she will. Our goal is for her to walk independently in most settings with a white cane.
Today alot of people looked at Sarah, more than usual BUT almost all of them with a huge grin on their faces seeing that tiny girl working so hard!!! I don't think I could love this girl anymore than I do, my heart just bursts to see her doing something like this! She is just the most amazing child ever!
There is a part of me that feels such a vindication when I see her doing all these things. This child that was left strapped to a bed, who barely could lift her head up the first day we met her....Now she is walking fast all over the place! Our Physical therapist has assured us that Sarah will walk independently one day. Then we can give this walker away:) But until then she is learning and we are loving it! I'm so blessed to have this girl for my daughter!
Before all this excitement, I got some paperwork done....the scourge of my life! We went over Steve's books with his advisor and found he is so very close to being finished with high school. He will probably be done in the next couple of weeks! YEAH! Then he can study for his ACT test for college. Everything is just coming together for him.
Selah had a good day. She's been up all day either in her chair or the stander. Our PT is out of town this week so the nurses have more time to work with Selah in other ways this week.
Shad is continuing to do well in school and is really pushing ahead in his books. Since he is already in 5th grade work in all classes, his goal is for him to at least be starting 6th grade work before the end of the school year.
Sam is getting ready for his 10th birthday in just a few days. We splurged and bought him just one really nice gift. He is going to be so happy when he gets it.....shhhhhhh it's a surprise.
Our weather is back to Florida winder weather....it was in the 80's today although I think tomorrow it's only going to be in the 70's, winder is so tough here in Florida:) We may have one more really cold spell for a few days and then we'll be into spring! I'm ready to work on the garden now.
I got some awful news today. There was a shooting in my home town. I know the man who was the shooter, went to high school with him, he was older. And I know the family of the cop who was such a hero and was shot protecting others. The names of the other two that were shot have not been released but chances are I'll know them too. I don't understand how or why someone feels they have to kill another person because of a hurt! So sorry for all the families involved. Perry is the last place you'd think something like this would happen. I knew the family that used to own this dealership, been there, test drove a car there.....rode by it so many times. You just never think something like this will happen to folks you know! My prayers are for all involved!
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
O Happy Day!
Oh Happy Day! NO pain today:) WOOHOO! Very thankful for the doctor I saw last night and the wonderful shot she gave me:)
You know I've been lucky I've never have had much pain (outside of childbirth and the silly soreness I have had for years on my right side) If I had constant pain like I had throughout the day yesterday, I would not want to live. Having that pain made me think of so many others who suffer from serious illness and disease. As a pastor's wife, we've seen some people who have suffered awful pain towards the end of their lives. It always tore me up for them but now just having had one day of searing pain, I will definitely pray harder for others who face pain!
Today I finally got to meet one of my BFF's for lunch. We meet each Tuesday that we both can swing it. Over lunch we discussed eschatology (the study of the end times) Growing up my church was all into eschatology and wondering when Jesus was coming back and who the Anti-Christ was ..... Do you know that Henry Kissinger's name spells out the Anti Christ? Just a fun fact learned in a revival service LOL. for years Kissinger was reported to be the Anti-Christ. In fact I think the old geezer is still alive.... Be afraid.... (BTW I've always said don't worry about who the Anti-Christ is get to know who JESUS is!)
So back to my lunch conversation.....we were talking about how wonderful it will be when the end of this age comes.... There are so many different view points of how the end times will be. Some feel Jesus will come to rapture the church prior to the Tribulation period, some think he'll come in the middle and some think he'll come in the end....different verses seem to indicate things a little different. But we know He is coming back.
You may wonder why the verses seem to have a different timeline, in my opinion, it is because of our lack of understanding. The bible doesn't have a printed out time frame, we have to look at verses and apply them correctly to understand.
I'm not sure just when the Rapture of the church will happen. I'm really hoping that PRE TRIB (pre tribulation) is RIGHT! That's what our church teaches and boy it beats the alternatives! But I know He is coming back again.
I know that one day I'll stand before Him.
I know one day we'll be in heaven together.
My friend had been told as a child that she wouldn't know her family in heaven. But as she got older she was comforted by the verse that says "we shall know even as we are also known" That is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
So today just for a few minutes we dreamed about how it will be.....no more sickness or pain, none of our family members sick anymore, no depression, my little ones will see and walk and talk.... All the former heartaches will be gone away. No more stain of sin..... Time to spend with our families and friends...... We said surely there will be a Chick-Fil-A in heaven:) It's going to be so much more than we can imagine.....but I know it's going to be good:)
I try to keep my eyes focused on eternity....it's hard at times. But I've learned that if I look at everything through an eternal lens..it makes sorrow and life easier to bear knowing this is NOT the end......
Oh Happy Day!
You know I've been lucky I've never have had much pain (outside of childbirth and the silly soreness I have had for years on my right side) If I had constant pain like I had throughout the day yesterday, I would not want to live. Having that pain made me think of so many others who suffer from serious illness and disease. As a pastor's wife, we've seen some people who have suffered awful pain towards the end of their lives. It always tore me up for them but now just having had one day of searing pain, I will definitely pray harder for others who face pain!
Today I finally got to meet one of my BFF's for lunch. We meet each Tuesday that we both can swing it. Over lunch we discussed eschatology (the study of the end times) Growing up my church was all into eschatology and wondering when Jesus was coming back and who the Anti-Christ was ..... Do you know that Henry Kissinger's name spells out the Anti Christ? Just a fun fact learned in a revival service LOL. for years Kissinger was reported to be the Anti-Christ. In fact I think the old geezer is still alive.... Be afraid.... (BTW I've always said don't worry about who the Anti-Christ is get to know who JESUS is!)
So back to my lunch conversation.....we were talking about how wonderful it will be when the end of this age comes.... There are so many different view points of how the end times will be. Some feel Jesus will come to rapture the church prior to the Tribulation period, some think he'll come in the middle and some think he'll come in the end....different verses seem to indicate things a little different. But we know He is coming back.
You may wonder why the verses seem to have a different timeline, in my opinion, it is because of our lack of understanding. The bible doesn't have a printed out time frame, we have to look at verses and apply them correctly to understand.
I'm not sure just when the Rapture of the church will happen. I'm really hoping that PRE TRIB (pre tribulation) is RIGHT! That's what our church teaches and boy it beats the alternatives! But I know He is coming back again.
I know that one day I'll stand before Him.
I know one day we'll be in heaven together.
My friend had been told as a child that she wouldn't know her family in heaven. But as she got older she was comforted by the verse that says "we shall know even as we are also known" That is taken from 1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
So today just for a few minutes we dreamed about how it will be.....no more sickness or pain, none of our family members sick anymore, no depression, my little ones will see and walk and talk.... All the former heartaches will be gone away. No more stain of sin..... Time to spend with our families and friends...... We said surely there will be a Chick-Fil-A in heaven:) It's going to be so much more than we can imagine.....but I know it's going to be good:)
I try to keep my eyes focused on eternity....it's hard at times. But I've learned that if I look at everything through an eternal lens..it makes sorrow and life easier to bear knowing this is NOT the end......
Oh Happy Day!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Last test!
Last test done today until the thyroid biopsy next month....WHEW! The Cystoscopy was as bad as I remembered it LOL......(had it once before years ago) But nothing serious was found!!!! YEAH! He did a small procedure in hopes that it will take away the pain I have. If you live in this area, I have to say we have been very pleased with Florida Medical Clinic. I'm a doctor snob to be quite honest. I never thought I'd use a doctor not associated with a big hospital BUT FMC is very comparable to Watson Clinic in Lakeland and I honestly like it much better. They have everything, all the specialists included under their umbrella. I really like the staff's attitude they all seem quite positive. The buildings are beautiful and everything is state of the art. And right now I'm sitting in their Urgent Care office tonight! The pain has gotten worse over the hours rather than better and the meds I have are not helping much. I'll survive but I'm hoping that they can try a different med to help me until I heal up! (update...they gave me a pain shot and a new med and THANK GOD my pain level is way down. Still some pain but this is manageable- Outside of labor, this was the worst pain Ive ever had. May have to get a pain shot in the morning too)
I am so relieved that there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I got all my blood work today and my cholesterol is down from 203 (at physical for the girls' adoption ) to 175....LOL I used to walk like a crazy lady and exercise. Now I exercise like once a week and the eating.....well.... We are laughing about this and wondering if we should market my new way to bring down cholesterol! all my other blood work is perfect, really glad since I've really not been taking care of myself.
So enough about me! I used to always wonder why old people talked about pain and surgeries etc.... Now I know they wanted sympathy LOL!
So I thought you'd like to see some photos my friends took this weekend. What a a great time we all had! Steve is in the black/grey shirt on the right side of the picture. they were square dancing:)
I am so relieved that there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I got all my blood work today and my cholesterol is down from 203 (at physical for the girls' adoption ) to 175....LOL I used to walk like a crazy lady and exercise. Now I exercise like once a week and the eating.....well.... We are laughing about this and wondering if we should market my new way to bring down cholesterol! all my other blood work is perfect, really glad since I've really not been taking care of myself.
So enough about me! I used to always wonder why old people talked about pain and surgeries etc.... Now I know they wanted sympathy LOL!
So I thought you'd like to see some photos my friends took this weekend. What a a great time we all had! Steve is in the black/grey shirt on the right side of the picture. they were square dancing:)
Later they did smores by the fire and Jon joined them with Sam on his lap. Shad has his head away from the camera. Sarah and I were inside:)
Jon and I had really prayed that Steve's circle of friends would grow. Steve has been so faithful to help us and I think that is an important part of a family BUT we wanted him to make good memories with friends whose families shared similar values. None of us are exactly the same in all our views but similar. He had a busy weekend with different new friends and now is starting with the percussion band at our church, getting ready for college days at SEU and another vacation with all of us and our close friends.....fun times:) I'm just happy for all that is happening for him.
Well thanks for all the well wishes and prayers for all that has been going on with me. I'm hoping I'll be ok through the night and am thankful for the shot I got, I may have to go back tomorrow for another one but I've certainly got relief and am still somewhat in my right mind:)
I sat with Selah some tonight once I got home and she was just beautiful, very relaxed and she moved her arms around in an independent way. I love when I see her make normal movements:) She's so precious, every little thing she does, we treasure. I'm so glad I got to see her move like that, it's seems her independent movements occur mostly in the early evening. But they are good "normal" movements, the kind you want to see, not the strange almost seizure type movements we've seen before.... please keep praying for our girl!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Great weekend!
We have been busy around here. We were out all day Friday and then I took the boys and a friend to see Frozen....we thought it was a movie about a snowman....a funny snowman....no it was a love story Princess Disney movie.... with lots of singing...and of course with parents who die....WHY WHY WHY does Disney always kill off a parent or two? We weren't thrilled with the movie at all!
Then Saturday we went to a all day birthday party that turned into a square dance:) What fun we had even tho we got home at 11pm with nothing done for Sunday! It was worth having to get up early this morning for all the fun we had last night! We are planning to go to a "called " square dance later this month at a church. Even Steve was dancing last night, it was great just to watch them. Jon and I both did square dancing back in high school during our PE classes and we both liked it. We've wanted to go dancing together (not particularly square dancing ) but didn't want to go to a bar. So this is something we are really looking forward to doing!!!!
Sunday church was just great. When we came to this older church over 8 years ago....we came to a mess in so many ways, spiritually, physically, emotionally.....we have gone through many things during the past years. There were more than ONE service when there was only 9 people....and we had 5 in our family then....we've gone through personal valleys....but God had opened this door and brought us here so we stayed..... Jon and I would say to each other some Sundays "Faint Not"
( And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.) Sometimes we'd say it to each other in laughter and sometimes in tears BUT God has been faithful . We were able to remodel each building here (and they were falling down) we have no debt, for the past 9 months our church has been steadily growing....we now have 23 members and our attendance runs around 50 people (and the growth has been REAL growth not people who got mad at their pastor and left the church in a huff but people who have moved here, or started back going to church after being out, and some who came from more of a main line church that wanted to be more expressive), we have a Spanish church that meets here 3x a week that we partner with in the community and in the prison, we have a strong prison ministry with several couples from our church. We started back Sunday School with a wonderful teacher and series that has attracted almost everyone to attend. We have someone who is starting up a Fine Arts group (a program our denomination does to encourage youth's talents) and they will be competing this year. My kids are not the only kids anymore and the families have the same heart as we do concerning "family integration church" or having all the age groups in the congregation without sending the kids off. I don't write any of this to boast but to encourage you to stay faithful. There were Sundays when we were just thankful the day was over.....but we stayed faithful to what God had called us to do regardless of what we saw or experienced. There were times I only did what I had to do because I was committed to God. I can remember being able to go home some Sundays and just being thrilled it was over for a week! But we didn't give up and we did what we felt God had called us to do....and He has been so faithful to us
He can do the same for you, it might not be that you are a pastor, maybe just being faithful in a job that is hard, or working on a relationship that seems hopeless....whatever your situation, do what God has told you to do through His word about being faithful and God will be faithful to you. I've seen this happen time and time again....in various situations.
So today on the way home, Jon said the famous line "Faint Not" ( And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.) And I said it took a LONG time for that DUE season to come LOL! Then Jon sang me a song they sing in the prison that goes something like this "He's an on time God, yes He is, He may not come when we want Him to but he comes at the right time He's an on time God yes He is" Something like that....you get the picture:) God is faithful and sometimes He is working many different things out behind the scene. I think we have learned so much during this time about God and being faithful.
Tomorrow is my last big test for a month. I go in at 9 am for a bladder scope. I WILL be sedated, hopefully heavily! Please pray that they don't find anything serious and I don't have any complicates. I was really sick after the last one I had years ago. I've had some stomach pain or really sensitivity all weekend, I'm guessing from the biopsies they took, or maybe I know now all the problems I have LOL I might be a little impressible. So thanks for the prayers!
Selah is doing good, a few nursing issues right now but nothing major. Keep praying for our sweet girl1
Then Saturday we went to a all day birthday party that turned into a square dance:) What fun we had even tho we got home at 11pm with nothing done for Sunday! It was worth having to get up early this morning for all the fun we had last night! We are planning to go to a "called " square dance later this month at a church. Even Steve was dancing last night, it was great just to watch them. Jon and I both did square dancing back in high school during our PE classes and we both liked it. We've wanted to go dancing together (not particularly square dancing ) but didn't want to go to a bar. So this is something we are really looking forward to doing!!!!
Sunday church was just great. When we came to this older church over 8 years ago....we came to a mess in so many ways, spiritually, physically, emotionally.....we have gone through many things during the past years. There were more than ONE service when there was only 9 people....and we had 5 in our family then....we've gone through personal valleys....but God had opened this door and brought us here so we stayed..... Jon and I would say to each other some Sundays "Faint Not"
( And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.) Sometimes we'd say it to each other in laughter and sometimes in tears BUT God has been faithful . We were able to remodel each building here (and they were falling down) we have no debt, for the past 9 months our church has been steadily growing....we now have 23 members and our attendance runs around 50 people (and the growth has been REAL growth not people who got mad at their pastor and left the church in a huff but people who have moved here, or started back going to church after being out, and some who came from more of a main line church that wanted to be more expressive), we have a Spanish church that meets here 3x a week that we partner with in the community and in the prison, we have a strong prison ministry with several couples from our church. We started back Sunday School with a wonderful teacher and series that has attracted almost everyone to attend. We have someone who is starting up a Fine Arts group (a program our denomination does to encourage youth's talents) and they will be competing this year. My kids are not the only kids anymore and the families have the same heart as we do concerning "family integration church" or having all the age groups in the congregation without sending the kids off. I don't write any of this to boast but to encourage you to stay faithful. There were Sundays when we were just thankful the day was over.....but we stayed faithful to what God had called us to do regardless of what we saw or experienced. There were times I only did what I had to do because I was committed to God. I can remember being able to go home some Sundays and just being thrilled it was over for a week! But we didn't give up and we did what we felt God had called us to do....and He has been so faithful to us
He can do the same for you, it might not be that you are a pastor, maybe just being faithful in a job that is hard, or working on a relationship that seems hopeless....whatever your situation, do what God has told you to do through His word about being faithful and God will be faithful to you. I've seen this happen time and time again....in various situations.
So today on the way home, Jon said the famous line "Faint Not" ( And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.) And I said it took a LONG time for that DUE season to come LOL! Then Jon sang me a song they sing in the prison that goes something like this "He's an on time God, yes He is, He may not come when we want Him to but he comes at the right time He's an on time God yes He is" Something like that....you get the picture:) God is faithful and sometimes He is working many different things out behind the scene. I think we have learned so much during this time about God and being faithful.
Tomorrow is my last big test for a month. I go in at 9 am for a bladder scope. I WILL be sedated, hopefully heavily! Please pray that they don't find anything serious and I don't have any complicates. I was really sick after the last one I had years ago. I've had some stomach pain or really sensitivity all weekend, I'm guessing from the biopsies they took, or maybe I know now all the problems I have LOL I might be a little impressible. So thanks for the prayers!
Selah is doing good, a few nursing issues right now but nothing major. Keep praying for our sweet girl1
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Testing
Ok I survived the testing today:) I was diagnosed with some issues but nothing life threatening. Evidently I have reflux, that has caused esophagitis, and irregular Z line (what the heck), a hiatus hernia and possibly H. pylori ..... so as I'm reading the irregular Z line can be linked to Barret's which can lead to cancer. However H. pylori fights that cancer...LOL it's crazy reading all the stuff on the internet. The doctor told me everything is manageable, put me on a daily medication and I'll see him in 2 weeks....
I also did the bladder ultrasound and I learned I successfully empty my bladder, that is always a good thing:) I still have the bladder scope on Monday and I'm a bit stressed but going in the procedure area today and talking with the really nice nurses did put me at ease. The med they gave me to put me to sleep was really really really nice....wish they could prescribe that to me daily LOL!
Thanks for your prayers and please keep them coming so I can get all of this behind me. I feel a bit betrayed by my body to have all those things going on and not even know it! I don't really have any symptoms of reflux. The reason I had the test (was supposed to have had in Sept 2012 right after my colonoscopy) was because I have that crazy side pain that doesn't go away, a family history of colon cancer, my own personal precancerous polyps and anemia. But I didn't ever think I had stomach issues. I feeling old!
Here are some funny pictures of the kittens watching Bill O'Reily on Fox news last night:) These cats crack us up!
The above link is a very good one that explains things in Ukraine quite well. It is an interesting read.
Again thanks for the prayers and well wishes...we are off to eat out tonight! I am just not up to cooking:) I can definably use this as an excuse!
I was told by our nurse that while I was gone we had the daily Thursday crew at our house and that everyone was having to take turns with the kids. We had PT, OT and VT so it got crowded but the little ones like having their teachers there so their day went on as normal!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Baby it's cold outside
It's in the 40's with rain outside. An unusual day for Florida. There is snow in the Panhandle and most of the northern counties have closed school for the day! We usually only close school for hurricanes LOL that is what we are used to not snow and ice! I'm doing a quick blog and drinking hot chocolate. I actually love bad weather LOL I'm such a weirdo but it makes everything so cozy.
Shad got his report card, all A's. he is only in 4th grade but is finished with all the 4th grade work and is in 5th grade work in all his classes. If he keeps going like this (his teacher is requiring him to make a 93 or above in each test to continue at this rate) he will be in 6th grade work before the end of the year. I'm very happy with his progress. I'd love to see him finish high school early and start college early. I told Steve he'd better hurry up and get through college or Shad will be right there with him! LOL
Well tomorrow is the big day for the scope down my throat and the bladder scan. I'm so a wimp about medical things. So I'm getting all these phone calls about the three medical procedures I'm having in the next couple of days. The people aren't concerned, they all say everything is "minor".....it's like our nurse says "everything happening to You is minor....everything happening to me is MAJOR!!!!" LOL Tomorrow I have the Upper GI scope and the bladder scan... Monday I have the bladder scope....I need some prayers:) I get very uptight about stuff like this! I hate being put under but I'm too much a wimp to stay awake for this junk (except for the scan) and I'm so scared of getting bad news!
Well not much on the agenda here but to curl up with a good book and some hot tea or chocolate I need to get motivated to do paperwork and finish my closet but it is just not going to happen today!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
CHIC
Great day, one of my closest friends and her family are moving to our area and I got a chance to meet her for lunch today and hang out for awhile. I could just pinch myself I'm so excited for her to be get moved here!!!!!!! Good times ahead! It's amazing to me that we will have time together again, we've known each other for many years and even lived together at one point:) Then we married and moved all over the place....but now we'll be back together:) Watch out Florida!
I got all my bloodwork done today, can't wait to hear my cholesterol scores. I've not been exercising like I used to so I have a feeling that will be over the limit!
Last night I read a book about reorganizing your closest and dressing chic. Ok I admit to loving stuff like that. So today when I got home I made myself go thru parts of my closet again. It's awful how we all wear about 20% of our clothes. There are STILL things in my closet that I've not worn in years and I'm a purger! I will admit there are two shirts I've bought in the past year that I have never worn. They looked great in the store but once home.....NO! And I am absolutely terrible at keeping receipts so I can't take them back. I also bought a "dickey" that is a fake turtle neck. I had always wanted one LOL it didn't work with the shirt I was buying for it to go under. I tried to exchange it but with no receipt the store would only give me 75 cents....so it goes in the bag. Oh well I FINALLY got one and found out I didn't want it!
Isn't that how life is, sometimes you long for something but once you get it, you find it it's not what you wanted in the first place.
I think of that in relation to marriage/divorce.... I see folks who are married who long for their freedom, once they get that freedom, they long then for the commitment of marriage. It's sad.... I was like that at one point, I thought I could really be happy if I were single again. Thank God, I had too much restraint in my life to follow through on that thought.
There is even a scripture where Paul tells you if you are single, stay single, if married stayed married...if I weren't so tired from trying on clothes, I 'd look it up!!! But it is in there!
Anyhow tomorrow I plan on finishing up in there. Once my closest is organized and I only have clothes in there that I like and that fit me right....I will be CHIC! Ok you can quit laughing now!
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I've had several people ask for an update on Baby Sabrina. She is home and doing good day to day. However she is having tests run, there are concerns about a genetic disorder that is very serious. The doctors have also said she is deaf in one ear. Please pray for this sweet little one and her family.
Also the Burman family is still in Ukraine, there have been a lot of twists and turns in their adoption that I will share once they get home but they have court coming up soon so pray that all goes well. She has been there now since early December.....it's the end of January....the country is in chaos.....
Actually you can get an update here http://gracehavenhome.com/families/burman-family/ and you can give through them too. They only need about $4000 to be fully funded now!
Thank you all for all your prayers for me and my family. It really encourages me to get emails and comments from you all!!!!!!
I got all my bloodwork done today, can't wait to hear my cholesterol scores. I've not been exercising like I used to so I have a feeling that will be over the limit!
Last night I read a book about reorganizing your closest and dressing chic. Ok I admit to loving stuff like that. So today when I got home I made myself go thru parts of my closet again. It's awful how we all wear about 20% of our clothes. There are STILL things in my closet that I've not worn in years and I'm a purger! I will admit there are two shirts I've bought in the past year that I have never worn. They looked great in the store but once home.....NO! And I am absolutely terrible at keeping receipts so I can't take them back. I also bought a "dickey" that is a fake turtle neck. I had always wanted one LOL it didn't work with the shirt I was buying for it to go under. I tried to exchange it but with no receipt the store would only give me 75 cents....so it goes in the bag. Oh well I FINALLY got one and found out I didn't want it!
Isn't that how life is, sometimes you long for something but once you get it, you find it it's not what you wanted in the first place.
I think of that in relation to marriage/divorce.... I see folks who are married who long for their freedom, once they get that freedom, they long then for the commitment of marriage. It's sad.... I was like that at one point, I thought I could really be happy if I were single again. Thank God, I had too much restraint in my life to follow through on that thought.
There is even a scripture where Paul tells you if you are single, stay single, if married stayed married...if I weren't so tired from trying on clothes, I 'd look it up!!! But it is in there!
Anyhow tomorrow I plan on finishing up in there. Once my closest is organized and I only have clothes in there that I like and that fit me right....I will be CHIC! Ok you can quit laughing now!
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I've had several people ask for an update on Baby Sabrina. She is home and doing good day to day. However she is having tests run, there are concerns about a genetic disorder that is very serious. The doctors have also said she is deaf in one ear. Please pray for this sweet little one and her family.
Also the Burman family is still in Ukraine, there have been a lot of twists and turns in their adoption that I will share once they get home but they have court coming up soon so pray that all goes well. She has been there now since early December.....it's the end of January....the country is in chaos.....
Actually you can get an update here http://gracehavenhome.com/families/burman-family/ and you can give through them too. They only need about $4000 to be fully funded now!
Thank you all for all your prayers for me and my family. It really encourages me to get emails and comments from you all!!!!!!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Adoption
Often it is hard to "come up" with a blog post almost daily, but today I've been thinking about adoption, one of my favorite subjects.
People adopt for various motives. In the adoption world I've seen it all and it's not always been good. I see people who adopt and it seems almost like a Lay's potato chip commercial "You can't eat just one" or you "can't adopt just one" I've read attitudes of adoptive moms that were really strange. they didn't seem like mommas to the kids, more like they were nicer caretakers. (a friend came up with that term and it fits!) I've read of moms who were so stressed by adoption and unhappy. Some adopt because they can't have biological children. Some adopt because it is now the new cool Christian thing to do.
There are some amazing families out there the Rosenow family just blows me away
http://kmrosenow.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/when-is-enough/ not because they have so many kids but that those kids have such love from their parents. I love their heart, I've "known" them for over 8 years, they had Shad on their website The Shepherd's Crook http://www.theshepherdscrook.org/ and I see their REAL heart for God and for following Him and it encourages me.
We have some friends who we went to church with years ago who have adopted aging out teens....we used to have time to visit them more and I LOVED the spirit in their home. 16 different kids from different countries, orphanages and backgrounds and there was a sweet peace in their home.
For us, we adopted Shad because we overwhelming felt God was leading us to do so. The girls it was the same way, we were NOT looking to adopt or even thinking about it at all until we saw their faces....then it was all over:)
For us, we do feel like we rescued them That is a huge feeling for us but we didn't adopt to get that feeling if you follow me. Some adoption blogs will sternly say "do not adopt to rescue a child" well.... I don't quite agree with that statement.
To me I feel like they were our children, just somehow NOT with us and we had to go rescue or get them to bring them home. I can truly say they are no different than my biological kids. They are as much of a Clanton as anyone else is in our family. They are not a job to me or a "ministry" they are my kids. I'm their mom....that's the bottom line.
Just like God "adopted" us into His family, He rescued us.... To me adoption is such a picture of God's redemption. How can you not feel you are rescuing a child when you walk out of those orphanage doors? NOW that is a rush:)
So when I sit with my daughter Sarah on my lap (which is where she wants to be all the time) and watch tv and see footage of the fighting in Ukraine (that I strongly support) I can't help but feel like we rescued Sarah and Selah from all of that. Not just from the institution, which was beyond bleak but from the instability of the country at this time. I'm so thankful they are here, a world away from all of that. The orphans already have a very hard time in Ukraine, it will probably get harder for them during this time . I'm glad my girls don't have to go through that and I pray for the children left behind. The vulnerable always suffer the most!
I worry about the orphans in Ukraine as I try and get news daily from there. Adoptions are still going on but who knows for how much longer? Each family has to go to the SDA/DAP in Kiev to get their referrals and it is right near where the main government buildings are located. The staff in the SDA/DAP aren't the easiest to work with anyhow so it's not like they are going to be pushing to stay open unless they are made to do so. And now with the unrest spreading, it will be harder and harder to get court dates.
I support the protests but I'm afraid that whoever comes out on top, it will delay or maybe even stop international adoptions there altogether. I fear the days of adoption in Ukraine maybe winding down....I REALLY REALLY hope I am totally wrong but that is my fear.
So I ask you to pray for God's will to be done in Ukraine and that the people will one day be free of the past and that in that freedom, there will come a compassion for the "least of these".........
*** I am still raising money for the girl we sponsor in Ukraine. And for a boy from China. Despite me saying little about it as we are trying to get links put up for them, we are still getting contributions! thanks! I'm pretty sure each have close to $1000 now! Hopefully she will be put up soon on Grace haven's site and the young man we are still trying to help get his paperwork correct and to an agency. Several folks are helping with that! Please pray we can get both of them up on a site and raise their ransom and that a family will come for them.
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I had a doctor's appointment today and another scan. The doctor was "different" at first I didn't like her, but after talking for awhile I think she was good. She did her own scan and almost severed my windpipe LOL She certainly made sure she saw everything in there! She told me my thyroid was "interesting and misshappened" She said it will be very hard to do a biopsy but she thinks I should have one done (very hard probably means very painful) She feels like it is probably not cancer and may not have grown, because it is really hard to scan it. But she still feels it has some possibility of it being cancer but is not overly concerned. So I can't get the biopsy until March... I'm more relieved than before even tho I'm still in limbo world here.
Thursday I have an upper GI and a bladder scan for two different issues....I am very nervous about both of them! Prayers are appreciated! I can not believe I am doing both the same day!!!
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After all of that.... I have a funny story to tell!
Sam and Sarah have "co-existed" now for almost 2 years....the "co-existing" is starting to go out the window. We have much sibling rivalry. It is adorable to us. It started when the therapist and teachers started coming in. Sam would get upset when Sarah would have someone working with her IF he didn't have someone working with him. But the fighting has escalated from there!
Then they would both climb up in the big chair with me or Jon at night and that was so cute to be stuck holding each of them and making sure no one got pinched or kicked.
Then last night, Sarah only likes a hand held vibrating toy. We have many toys but that is the one she likes. Well Sam was sitting in Jon's lap and Sarah was on the floor with her toy. Sam hopped down, grabbed the toy and hopped up. She turned around and crawled to Jon crying and hitting his leg for attention. Jon got the toy back and gave it to her and she calmed right down. This happened about 4 times and while we don't want her upset.... It shows she knew to go to Daddy to get him to "fix it" for her!!!! That is HUGE! We love it! It's a real development step for her.
Earlier Jon had asked Sarah "Sarah want to come sit with daddy on the big blue couch" and before she could crawl over, Sam came running from his rom to sit down with daddy. It is really cute to see the two of them try and get our attention!
I call them my twins, they look so much alike and they are now about the same size since Sarah has more than caught up. She is a big girl for a child with Peter's anomaly despite her years of malnourishment she is not that tiny. She still wears mainly a size 5 although I'm not buying anything less than a size 6 for her. She's 7 yrs old now. Sam will be10 in a couple of weeks and he is just now wearing a size 5 and it is usually a bit too big on him.
Selah is back to her normal self, some days she is just a little "off" and it is worrisome to me! I love days when she is doing things like we are used to. She did wonderful in PT this morning and was as "loose as a goose" I like when she doesn't tighten up.
Thanks for all your prayers for our family. We really appreciate them
People adopt for various motives. In the adoption world I've seen it all and it's not always been good. I see people who adopt and it seems almost like a Lay's potato chip commercial "You can't eat just one" or you "can't adopt just one" I've read attitudes of adoptive moms that were really strange. they didn't seem like mommas to the kids, more like they were nicer caretakers. (a friend came up with that term and it fits!) I've read of moms who were so stressed by adoption and unhappy. Some adopt because they can't have biological children. Some adopt because it is now the new cool Christian thing to do.
There are some amazing families out there the Rosenow family just blows me away
http://kmrosenow.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/when-is-enough/ not because they have so many kids but that those kids have such love from their parents. I love their heart, I've "known" them for over 8 years, they had Shad on their website The Shepherd's Crook http://www.theshepherdscrook.org/ and I see their REAL heart for God and for following Him and it encourages me.
We have some friends who we went to church with years ago who have adopted aging out teens....we used to have time to visit them more and I LOVED the spirit in their home. 16 different kids from different countries, orphanages and backgrounds and there was a sweet peace in their home.
For us, we adopted Shad because we overwhelming felt God was leading us to do so. The girls it was the same way, we were NOT looking to adopt or even thinking about it at all until we saw their faces....then it was all over:)
For us, we do feel like we rescued them That is a huge feeling for us but we didn't adopt to get that feeling if you follow me. Some adoption blogs will sternly say "do not adopt to rescue a child" well.... I don't quite agree with that statement.
To me I feel like they were our children, just somehow NOT with us and we had to go rescue or get them to bring them home. I can truly say they are no different than my biological kids. They are as much of a Clanton as anyone else is in our family. They are not a job to me or a "ministry" they are my kids. I'm their mom....that's the bottom line.
Just like God "adopted" us into His family, He rescued us.... To me adoption is such a picture of God's redemption. How can you not feel you are rescuing a child when you walk out of those orphanage doors? NOW that is a rush:)
So when I sit with my daughter Sarah on my lap (which is where she wants to be all the time) and watch tv and see footage of the fighting in Ukraine (that I strongly support) I can't help but feel like we rescued Sarah and Selah from all of that. Not just from the institution, which was beyond bleak but from the instability of the country at this time. I'm so thankful they are here, a world away from all of that. The orphans already have a very hard time in Ukraine, it will probably get harder for them during this time . I'm glad my girls don't have to go through that and I pray for the children left behind. The vulnerable always suffer the most!
I worry about the orphans in Ukraine as I try and get news daily from there. Adoptions are still going on but who knows for how much longer? Each family has to go to the SDA/DAP in Kiev to get their referrals and it is right near where the main government buildings are located. The staff in the SDA/DAP aren't the easiest to work with anyhow so it's not like they are going to be pushing to stay open unless they are made to do so. And now with the unrest spreading, it will be harder and harder to get court dates.
I support the protests but I'm afraid that whoever comes out on top, it will delay or maybe even stop international adoptions there altogether. I fear the days of adoption in Ukraine maybe winding down....I REALLY REALLY hope I am totally wrong but that is my fear.
So I ask you to pray for God's will to be done in Ukraine and that the people will one day be free of the past and that in that freedom, there will come a compassion for the "least of these".........
*** I am still raising money for the girl we sponsor in Ukraine. And for a boy from China. Despite me saying little about it as we are trying to get links put up for them, we are still getting contributions! thanks! I'm pretty sure each have close to $1000 now! Hopefully she will be put up soon on Grace haven's site and the young man we are still trying to help get his paperwork correct and to an agency. Several folks are helping with that! Please pray we can get both of them up on a site and raise their ransom and that a family will come for them.
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I had a doctor's appointment today and another scan. The doctor was "different" at first I didn't like her, but after talking for awhile I think she was good. She did her own scan and almost severed my windpipe LOL She certainly made sure she saw everything in there! She told me my thyroid was "interesting and misshappened" She said it will be very hard to do a biopsy but she thinks I should have one done (very hard probably means very painful) She feels like it is probably not cancer and may not have grown, because it is really hard to scan it. But she still feels it has some possibility of it being cancer but is not overly concerned. So I can't get the biopsy until March... I'm more relieved than before even tho I'm still in limbo world here.
Thursday I have an upper GI and a bladder scan for two different issues....I am very nervous about both of them! Prayers are appreciated! I can not believe I am doing both the same day!!!
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After all of that.... I have a funny story to tell!
Sam and Sarah have "co-existed" now for almost 2 years....the "co-existing" is starting to go out the window. We have much sibling rivalry. It is adorable to us. It started when the therapist and teachers started coming in. Sam would get upset when Sarah would have someone working with her IF he didn't have someone working with him. But the fighting has escalated from there!
Then they would both climb up in the big chair with me or Jon at night and that was so cute to be stuck holding each of them and making sure no one got pinched or kicked.
Then last night, Sarah only likes a hand held vibrating toy. We have many toys but that is the one she likes. Well Sam was sitting in Jon's lap and Sarah was on the floor with her toy. Sam hopped down, grabbed the toy and hopped up. She turned around and crawled to Jon crying and hitting his leg for attention. Jon got the toy back and gave it to her and she calmed right down. This happened about 4 times and while we don't want her upset.... It shows she knew to go to Daddy to get him to "fix it" for her!!!! That is HUGE! We love it! It's a real development step for her.
Earlier Jon had asked Sarah "Sarah want to come sit with daddy on the big blue couch" and before she could crawl over, Sam came running from his rom to sit down with daddy. It is really cute to see the two of them try and get our attention!
I call them my twins, they look so much alike and they are now about the same size since Sarah has more than caught up. She is a big girl for a child with Peter's anomaly despite her years of malnourishment she is not that tiny. She still wears mainly a size 5 although I'm not buying anything less than a size 6 for her. She's 7 yrs old now. Sam will be10 in a couple of weeks and he is just now wearing a size 5 and it is usually a bit too big on him.
Selah is back to her normal self, some days she is just a little "off" and it is worrisome to me! I love days when she is doing things like we are used to. She did wonderful in PT this morning and was as "loose as a goose" I like when she doesn't tighten up.
Thanks for all your prayers for our family. We really appreciate them
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Pictures "A walk in the woods"
First I'll start with some more kitten pictures that were on my camera. Aren't they adorable ??
Pre beard shaving LOL
Yesterday we took the family to one of Jon's walking places.
This is the REAL Florida!
Jon walking ahead...
Hanging moss
it was dark by the time we got back to the parking area.
We love to go walking out in the woods. We have so many hiking trails near our house. It's very peaceful.
Today I was apart of our worship team singing some of the older "revival time" hymns that I grew up singing. Some of the old songs have such meaning to me. We sang a melody of "The Unclouded Day" "Won't it be wonderful there" "In the Sweet by & by" and "Just over in the the Gloryland"
Sometimes I have to type out the words for our media system and the words just blow me away at times. It's easy at times to sing them and NOT to listen or think about what we are singing. But when I take the time to look up and type them, or go in and change them about, it really can speak to me. Sometimes in singing the older songs, we don't' sing all the verses but sometimes when I'm typing them out, I beg our music pastor to sing more of the verses LOL They are just so good!
Here are the words to the song
In the Sweet By & By
And by faith we can see it afar;
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.
Refrain
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.
The melodious songs of the blessed;
And our spirits shall sorrow no more,
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.
Refrain
We will offer our tribute of praise
For the glorious gift of His love
And the blessings that hallow our days
here's a youtube link for one of my favorite preacher Tommy Bates This is how our Sunday nights were when I was growing up. I love Tommy Bates and his singing and preaching reminds me of my childhood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69c6DbsUOZk
Hope you enjoy it on this Sunday night.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Time
Whew! When I write a blog that makes me feel vulnerable , I am almost afraid to open my email and see the responses. I was blessed by the responses I got from my last blog, thanks! I'm glad I'm not the only non perfect Christian out there!
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Life is a journey.
When I was a child we lived near the train tracks and I can remember listening to the train whistle late at night, wondering where it was going, I'd look at cars and think the same thing. I wanted to GO I wasn't happy in the "moment". Now I've had plenty of "go" and can be happy in the moment! Now I hear a train's whistle and I'm just glad I'm not on it or stuck waiting for it to pass!!
Have there been times in your life you wish you could just stop life and never let things change? Like in the movie "Groundhog Day" where every day is the same. I do have those times. We sang a song in my High School chorus group "If the hands of time, were hands that I could hold, I'd keep them safe and in my hands they'd not turn cold" The song went on to recount the moments that should be held..... "the summer from the top of a swing" etc..... I can't remember it all now cause it gets messed up in my mind with "Time in a bottle" but when I was young, I didn't want the hands of time to be held, I wanted time to pass swiftly so I could grow up!
NOW I'd love to grab and hold onto those "hands of time"
Time goes so swift. Every week flies by at break neck speed! The months go by and the years.....
If I could go back to any time, I'd go back to the summer of 2012 and live that summer again before the accident. Of course if I could go back, I'd make sure nothing ever happened bad!
Actually I WISH I could go back to my college days and enjoy them again too:) I loved college and the friendships I made. However I'd love to have my 48 year old wisdom back then LOL That would be real fun. Actually that might be really weird!
Well Time only marches forward and we go with it.
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This morning I wasted time, I slept till 10:30 am. Don't know when I've done that and it was great!
Selah is a bit "off", not too much but her heart rate is up some, for no real reason that we can find. We are hoping there is nothing going on with her.
We are all debating what we should do today, everything is done for church tomorrow. A part of me just wants to go take a nap but I don't want to sleep away my time! I get on to people for taking naps I usually feel it is a waste of time and it will mess up nightly sleep patterns and then we will have to hear about your insomnia! LOL
Hope you have a good weekend. Please pray for Ukraine, and Selah this weekend. Thank you!
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Life is a journey.
When I was a child we lived near the train tracks and I can remember listening to the train whistle late at night, wondering where it was going, I'd look at cars and think the same thing. I wanted to GO I wasn't happy in the "moment". Now I've had plenty of "go" and can be happy in the moment! Now I hear a train's whistle and I'm just glad I'm not on it or stuck waiting for it to pass!!
Have there been times in your life you wish you could just stop life and never let things change? Like in the movie "Groundhog Day" where every day is the same. I do have those times. We sang a song in my High School chorus group "If the hands of time, were hands that I could hold, I'd keep them safe and in my hands they'd not turn cold" The song went on to recount the moments that should be held..... "the summer from the top of a swing" etc..... I can't remember it all now cause it gets messed up in my mind with "Time in a bottle" but when I was young, I didn't want the hands of time to be held, I wanted time to pass swiftly so I could grow up!
NOW I'd love to grab and hold onto those "hands of time"
Time goes so swift. Every week flies by at break neck speed! The months go by and the years.....
If I could go back to any time, I'd go back to the summer of 2012 and live that summer again before the accident. Of course if I could go back, I'd make sure nothing ever happened bad!
Actually I WISH I could go back to my college days and enjoy them again too:) I loved college and the friendships I made. However I'd love to have my 48 year old wisdom back then LOL That would be real fun. Actually that might be really weird!
Well Time only marches forward and we go with it.
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This morning I wasted time, I slept till 10:30 am. Don't know when I've done that and it was great!
Selah is a bit "off", not too much but her heart rate is up some, for no real reason that we can find. We are hoping there is nothing going on with her.
We are all debating what we should do today, everything is done for church tomorrow. A part of me just wants to go take a nap but I don't want to sleep away my time! I get on to people for taking naps I usually feel it is a waste of time and it will mess up nightly sleep patterns and then we will have to hear about your insomnia! LOL
Hope you have a good weekend. Please pray for Ukraine, and Selah this weekend. Thank you!
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