Close....

Only a few more days till we leave, trying to finish up all the last minute things but it is hard for me! I'm usually so organized but I'm not so much right now...

We're so close but I'm just petrified that something will happen and we will lose the girls. Since Seth got adopted (knowing their country doesn't' recognize us until after our first appointment) it is hard for me. I guess it's like having a miscarriage, after the first one you know everything doesn't always end up perfect. "Once bitten twice shy" is how I'm feeling. Please pray that everything goes alright & nothing gets in the way of our adopting Sarah and Selah!

Last night I reread Tina Kacireck's blogs about the institution we are going to. They adopted from there in Dec 2010. If you really want to know what we will be facing emotionally, spiritually, then go back and read her blog....I read it last night in tears. My husband was moved just by what I told him of the "other children" the ones we can't take home....All I can say is "God help me" Help me not to get too broke emotionally and help me to bring joy to the other children while we are there. We are bringing Stephen with us, I do not know how he will handle this either. He is so tenderhearted. It will change his life forever no doubt. I believe he will never live just for himself after being there. I hate that mentality of "Us 4 and no more" I see that in some folks lives & it makes me sick...Unfortunately some of the people I see that in are Christians. It's one thing to see that in the world it's another to see in so called Christians... I've never wanted to live my life like that but I see it....wonder how they will respond when they stand before God on that day? I don't say that pridefully, there are times I WISH I could pass by situations and not get involved but I just can not do it. Getting involved is messy, whether it's a stray dog or sick cat or a person who has problems, or an orphan halfway around the world. But as christians I believe we are commanded to get involved in other's situations and do what we can. There is a scripture in Proverbs that say "to do whatever we can to do good to others, inasmuch as it is in your power to do so" I know I mangled that verse to shreds and the Bible Man is not here right now ...LOL

But that is my life verse, God doesn't ask you or me to do what we can not do, just what we can do. But so many people don't even do what they can do!! Let's NOT be like that!!!!!


Tina's blog is kacirek.blogspot.com After reading this, you guys may have to take up a collection for us to buy a bus:)


So I'm sitting here this Sunday morning knowing next Sunday I will be on the other side of the world in a strange place. Please pray for us. I've never asked for prayers any harder except for when Sam was so little and sick. God heard our cries then and I pray He does now I can truly say I'm at the end of myself, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, every way, I'm emptied. I'm a mess.... I do not have the strength for "what lies ahead" I need God's help. This i far more than an adoption, so different than Shad's adoption. Our hearts are going to be opened to needs that we have never seen before. Sure I've been to an orphanage, for about an hour, to get my son and then the rest of the time, I was in a nice hotel, playing with my cleaned up baby. This is not going to be like that. The adoption process is long & tedious especially for two children. There are so many things that have to happen for it all to work. We won't be handed a little boy and be gone from the orphanage in an hour...No we will visit the children daily, twice a day, under the watchful eyes of staff who do not understand WHY we want to adopt SN children. Our girls are not 2 year old, they are 5 & 7 year old who have never known the love of a family...from what we understand they are delayed cognitively. They have suffered extreme malnourishment, at this time they seem on the road to recovery but we know from Shad, that the affects of malnourishment takes a toil. He still has behaviors stemming from that time in his life. There will be needy children and adults there, it is a mental institution for children and adults. Not a mental institution like we think of in the USA, put a place SN children have been placed and have grown into adults there, children/adults who have physical handicaps that have not been able to be addressed because of lack of specialized medical care in their country. Remember just a few years ago, this was a communist country and they are learning to change from that. The country is in recovery but it is a poor country. It's a different world than the one I've been blessed to live in!!!

We've been in difficult situation many times in our lives, we worked in the inner city of NYC & saw some things...but this we know is going to be difficult. I'm afraid of the experience, I will be honest. I'm afraid of where it will take me emotionally. I'm being honest. I have no preconceived ideas of a rosy easy trip with all flowers & sunshine....but I know that God set us on this path.

When I saw Sarah's picture all I knew is that needed a family. Obviously we've adopted internationally before, so I had some idea of what to expect , or so I thought... When I learned she was at a mental institution, and what that meant, and where it was, I remember just grabbing Jon and asking him "WHY did God ask this of us??" Why couldn't we have seen her picture years ago when she was at a baby house? Don't I sound like a whinny brat? Here this child has lived like this for years and I do not want to have to share in her suffering at all, I want to go pick her up and whisk her away...I was THRILLED to be able to leave Shad's orphanage. It was hard, I saw the children in his room and they all grabbed for me. I kidded myself then that they'd all find homes and live happily ever after as I ran out to the taxi with my son. This time there will be no fairy tales, as I see men and women who have been in this place for years, decades, with no hope. I will know what lies ahead for the children we see there... and I'm afraid of how it will change ME! Will it make the purchases at the mall seem even less important, will it make the security in our lives seem hollow? How will I go back to my comfortable life? I don't know...I sit here with tears falling... God help me.