Going out on a limb.....so what's new?

This blog is going to be different than my last 6 months or so. I blogged for years before our adoption & adoption is just a part of our life, it doesn't define our family...although we love it! but now back to controversy LOL!

We unconsciously have become a part of a movement...it happened out of necessity for us...

Our kids sit in church with us! GASP! NO children's Church...they actually sit & behave themselves thru Sunday services! GASP!

It started because we didn't have anyone ot do children's church...since pastoring here 6 yrs we've had people come & go. We were never happy with anyone except a young girl from the college nearby. However she became a missionary right after graduation and was gone....We've seen children's church be just a baby sitting service, a place where women could hang out, miss church & gossip. I tried to teach some but it just didn't feel right for me. I'm not a "kid" person except for my kids who I adore.

Jon & I both grew up going to church and sitting thru service. He was Methodist so at times it was extremely boring for him. I, on the other hand, was crazy Pentecostal, so it NEVER was boring to me...I've got some crazy stories!!!! But the bottom line is we learned to sit thru church & somehow we absorbed "something" that got us through as we got older & had to make decisions about our faith on our own. Jon only had to go an hour a week. I went Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night , revival services ( at least 2x a year- and they were really interesting LOLOL) During the summer, I had to go to women's' ministry prayer meeting on Thursday morning...but wonder of wonders, I behaved myself and sat thru.... And for the most part WITHOUT any distractions ( like coloring, books toys etc)

So as we were "evolving" to this new place, we'd talk about how we were raised. Nowadays you hear parents gasp with horror if every service is not covered by a separate place for children to go & leave them alone! But is that really how it was for thousands of years in Christianity? Or Judaism? Of course NOT! It's a new phenomena that has swept our nation since the 70's. when I was a teen, our church started having children's church on Sunday morning.

But you will say, my kids WON"T sit thru church, they'll be a distraction....well I have 5 children now, three of them handicapped & delayed far below their years. they sit thru church! Sam our 8 yr old bio son, has been sitting thru church for almost a year now. He actually will come into church, climb up in his chair and sit, the whole time. How did we accomplish that? We just kept bringing him and sitting him down. We didn't discipline him the times we had to take him out, because we didn't feel he would have understood why he was being disciplined. But we stuck with it and now we have a child, who is probably not even 2 yrs old mentally who will sit thru service. Our new girls both made it thru service last week and the two weeks prior both made it almost to the end of service, one leaving one week and one leaving the other lol. Shad & Steve have sat thru services for years. One of them did get disciplined a few times, but it only took a few times for him to understand what the expectations were!

But you say you don't want a child to associate church with discipline....HOGWASH! You take a child to the store, to a restaurte, to a movie, to school and they are expected to behave and know that there are consequences if they do not...so why should they be allowed to get by with that excuse about church? If they get in trouble at Walmart, does that mean they never want to go there again? Of course not! They just learned a valuable lesson on LIFE and how to act right in public!


I read one mom who wrote "the only way to teach a child to sit thru church, is to have them sit thru church" pretty true huh?

And this extends to teens!!!! I know of churches that keep families divided during all their services, I really do not think that is a good idea at all! And I hate to say it but I think research will show me to be true, when we start looking at the rates of church kids leaving the church when they turn 18 yrs old. wonder why that is such a high number? My opinion is it is because they have not been taught to be a part of the church as a whole, instead of a sub group.

I'm not against Sunday school, the old fashion kind before church service. Jon & I both grew up going to Sunday School, but then we were in the main service with our families. What memories for me now...my family is gone so all I have are memories and I do cherish the times in church. We had "our" pew and spent many years sitting there , hard wooden pew by the way LOL!

I'm not against the youth having a service on another night of the week and doing funny teenage stuff together. Just be sure of the person who is working with the youth that he/she has a vision to build the kingdom of God and not just numbers.
But some of my most intense spiritual experiences happened as a teen in church service...not sure if it would have happened if I'd been in a frivolous teen service, playing some silly game.... In teen youth groups, I have seen a lot of disrespect towards adults. Alot of times, it's been in humor BUT looking back ( now that I have kids) I don't think it's so good to segregate a young impressionable group from their families. Personally I don't want my kids looking to a youth pastor as their shepherd. I think that all teens should learn to look at their pastor as their shepherd.

So there is actually a movement that believes families should all be in church together...I was talking to a friend about how we felt and she told me. Maybe God is restoring the hearts of children to their fathers. Then another friend shared with me that she actually felt some of her older children fell away from God because of being in a youth group. That really got my attention, she is a serious person & if she felt that....maybe it was true.

So if you are reading this and somethinhg just clicks inside your spirit that what I'm saying is true, then start practicing it! The older boys often discuss the service with us after church and ask questions of things they didn't understand, sometimes quite probing questions! So it makes them think beyond a silly little "Veggie Tale" type of service.

Now as a disclaimer, my husband is the pastor so when I say "we" I really mean me LOL and also my kids sit on the FRONT row so if they misbehave everyone sees it!!! for some years Steve our oldest & I would trade off with Sam but that just didn't work so we decided to try and work with him to stay during the service ( he loved the music but when it was done, he was done) and it just started happening.

I believe kids, even handicapped ones, will rise to YOUR level of expectations. I have alot of expectations of my kids to behave themselves and not act like fools! Believe me, nothing bothers me more than a kid who can't behave especially when there is "nothing" wrong with them! We've been out places and seen kids act like complete idiots and the parents do nothing! I can promise you I don't allow ANY of my kids to act like idiots and I guess if I can say that "ANYONE can! And now with FIVE kids , no one can say we just "got lucky" with our kids. We've been told that before, that our kids behave because we just got lucky....hogwash! We have 3 handicapped, 3 kids from different sets of bio parents...and we can go out, we can eat out and not have complete disorder. I don't mean that everything is perfect, and we make allowances for the kids but I can promise you if you see my crew out, you'll see kids who will sit, eat and are happy without having fits ( most of the time) Kids are kids, but parents need to "man up" and be the parents, the leaders of the family without letting the child lead the family!

So I'm interested in hearing from you guys. Write some comments...if you are in our area, and this speaks to you, visit our church ( of course our kids will probably be acting crazy that day LOL) But think about this!

Remember we have ONE chance to raise our kids! and we will stand before God one day. We've not been perfect parents, I've not been a perfect mom & I'll tell my kids that, but I can say with complete confidence that if my kids leave God, go out in the world, they will have to go through Jon & me to get there! We won't make it easy for them! It's not the easiest way to parent, but I do it knowing we will stand before God one day and give an account. Our parenting approach is 'old fashioned" (not exactly Duggar style ok) but very conservative in our approach to everything and we've kept our kid grounded in OUR family. They go to friends' homes but not alot as we invest our lives into them. Even in the simple ways of hanging together and going to the store together. Just being with your kids, builds memories...

We've been careful with the things they watch and never have allowed anything but Christan music in our home. Now we all like some christian rap/hip hop :) But the words are what I'm concerned about NOT the beat. The other day, our oldest son turned to me in the car, put his arm on my shoulder, looked me in the eye and thanked me for us never allowing him to even know non christian music (much less have it in our home!!!) We were waiting for a pizza, listening to the new FLAME CD, to set the mood. I got tears in my eyes....and it meant alot to me!

So hang in there parents, guard you children's hearts in everyway possible. They are never too old to start changing things either....Remember YOU are the parent!!!!!