Monday, December 16, 2013

Learning to Trust

Last night Sarah woke up screaming.  And when she screams, she can take the paint off of walls!  Thankfully this only has happened about 4 or 5 times since we have had her.   She was wet and we could not calm her down.  She got the hiccupping type of sobs going on.  I finally got her changed and Jon sat up with her for a few minutes in a chair since she was too upset to lay back down.  Then he brought her to me and the magic began.  At first she would only sit by me ( I was in bed) but she gradually sighed, then laid down next to me and took my hand, then she flung her leg over mine....BLISS!!!!!!!!    We slept together all night:) 

This is important because it is a real bonding time.  Sarah has always had a bond with us, since before she left the orphanage.  But she has some walls up.  Some of the walls are typical of a blind child with learning disabilities but others were walls we are sure that went up because of the lack of care she had received all her life.  Since we've had her, she's allowed us to comfort her when needed during the day but at night, it was much harder.  She's only woke up a few times like this but they were bad when she did!  It seems at night she is even more distrustful than during the day.  The times I've gotten her to calm down and go to sleep, she never could cuddle up against me very much and she'd constantly be moving.  Last night was a dream, how she cuddled up and didn't move from my side.   It was worth her sweaty little head being on my arm and her leg wrapped around was worth not being able to move all night:)

Recently we've been told more of the girls' experience in the adult mental institution they lived in.   Let me just tell you, they lived in hell.....much abuse.  One child that is able to share stories, told of my daughter being beat and being swung by her ankles.  All the children were beat if they pooped or wet themselves.  Some of the ones who had understanding, were told just to die and almost smothered to was HELL, no other way to describe it. 

So knowing where my children came from and the things that happened to them, makes me appreciate and love them even more.  And it makes me never take for granted the trust they show in us. 

Today Sarah has wanted me all day.  She had a busy day with Physical Therapy and then Vision Therapy and then Occupational Therapy by lunch time.  After lunch she had an evaluation for Occupational Therapy through the school system  (the OT she gets now is through our insurance)  She is just warming up to the Vision teacher so she was not ready for anyone else new and didn't cooperate.  I remember when she was first evaluated by the school system back in May, the evaluator noted that she was friendly with everyone (some thing that many adopted children do) and that she didn't differentiate between me or others.  I didn't' agree with him then but now one of the same evaluators came back and really saw the difference!  Sarah is totally a mama's girl now.    Now I have to show her it's ok to be with someone else.  I LOVE that!!!!!  Ok it makes things harder but I LOVE that she wants me or Daddy above anyone else:)  How lucky are we??????

I know some folks might not understand or they may just think I'm romanticizing being the mother of an adopted special needs child but sometimes when I look at my funny little one, my heart just wants to burst out of my chest because I love her and am so proud that she is my daughter!   I don't have the words for how I feel but I am beyond blessed by having this precious girl in my life.  I'm so thankful that she somehow has kept her little heart open to love despite all she has gone through. 

When I look at Selah, and now as I've learned all she went through before we came and got her, I KNOW in spite of the accident, she is better off.  I've read things someone wrote about me on a blog and how they said if Selah had just been left in the mental institution at least she would still be the same child and be able to walk....and to be honest, I struggled with that thought myself.....UNTIL these new revelations have come out.   Now I KNOW that Selah is so much better off in spite of the injuries from the accident.  She is taken care of, every need met, usually before she even realizes she has a need.  She has 24 hour care by kind nurses who anticipate her every need.   When I hear how she was treated in the institution, it just makes me sick.  She was kept in a smaller than travel size crib and was barely able to walk at 7 years old.  That is abuse just in that....but that was not all of it.....NOW we know why she wouldn't use the bathroom for days on end before the accident....and would hide when she'd soiled herself.....NOW I know why she was so nervous all the time and had gone off into herself.  I know so much of the suffering she has gone through and all I can say is I am so thankful she will never be treated like that again.    She was beat, she was starved, she went with out liquid and food in order to keep them from going to the bathroom.....   One thing we all have noticed about Selah is that when she needs to be changed now, she makes a noise in her trach. And will continue making that noise till someone comes to her.  Then she gets quiet and if her heart rate is up, it goes right down.  She knows she is going to be cared for by people who love her.  I'm thankful she has hardly any fear now.  The nurses now think maybe she consciously tries to hold in her poop still.  But as time goes by, she will learn that we clap when she is able to go to the bathroom and tell her what a good girl she is.....she doesn't get beat for that anymore!

I'm so glad we are the ones God allowed to go and get our girls, and Shad also.   Adoption is one of the most beautiful things to be a part of.....

So tonight, pray that God will work miracles for other little orphans......You know we are still raising money for Angela and Timothy.  I've received $453 for them so far.....   There have been issues in putting up both children on a site but that is still being worked on.  I am praying that God will help me raise $10,000 for each child to help with the expenses of their adoptions..... I KNOW that Angela has gone through abuse as a lonely orphan because she was where our girls were.....Timothy has had an easier time but he has no future outside of being adopted.   Please pray and ask God if there is some way you can help these children....

Angela and me
If you'd like to give to them, I have a fund set up in our church that will be split between them.  I am waiting for each of them to be sponsored by a ministry.   If you'd like to give, send a check to Grace Church, 7060 Berry Road, Zephyrhills Fl 33540
If you'd like to adopt either of them, email me and I can give you some info and directions.....
Please pray for them!!

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