Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My Real Life Facebook page

Please go and like the FB page I created for the blog.  I thought it would be a quicker way to connect.  And it is specifically about the Blog, not just Selah although I still have her page up also!   

17 years ago today......

17 years ago today.........

I went in for a procedure to have my dead twins taken out of my uterus.  We had known for a week that they were dead.  Our insurance had tried to get me to agree to go to an abortion clinic to have the procedure done but I refused....that refusal saved my life. 

We went to the VERY same hospital, St Luke's Roosevelt in NYC, that we had Stephen at.  In fact we had brought him home from the hospital a year to the day that I had to go in for this.

We got up early and left Steve with some friends.  It was going to be an "easy" procedure and I'd be home by the afternoon.  Well, it didn't quite go like that....

Following the procedure I had DIC (Disseminated intravascular coagulation (DIC) is a rare, life-threatening condition that prevents a person's blood from clotting normally. It may cause excessive clotting (thrombosis) or bleeding (hemorrhage) throughout the body and lead to shock, organ failure, and death.)  I came very close to death and it was very frightening.  To prevent my death, I got massive amounts of blood and blood products.  It was an awful day.  Somehow I stayed conscious but did get to a point I couldn't see.  I knew things were was just awful.  By the evening I had stabilized but was put in ICU for a few days.

I was so sad over losing the twins and then to deal with almost dying myself was very hard to deal with.  As time went on we found that the NYC blood supply had been compromised and several people at my hospital had received tainted blood.  A few contracted Hep and a few got HIV.  I was beyond terrified!!!  Since I had gotten so much blood, I had to have HIV tests done on a regular basis for some time.  That was always in the back of my mind.  Thankfully I never tested positive for anything and now don't worry about it but it was a really hard time for me. 

There are so many memories of that time that are imprinted on my mind. 

Of course, I was very depressed over losing the twins too and then the added stress of the health was a very hard time.  My comfort was my cute little one year old Steve:)  He was adorable and like having a live doll:) 

There are times when I fantasize about what life would be like if the twins lived and were healthy.....In my mind, I'm pretty sure they were boys but not 100%.  We were supposed to have DNA testing done but somehow it never got done and their bodies were released to the funeral home for cremation.  I think about how wonderful it would be to have even more children than we have now and for all of them to love each other and be there for each other.  I always feel like Steve got "shorted" by not having them in his life. 

There is nothing that is redeeming about the situation to me except that I lived.  And maybe it did teach me how NOT to deal with trials since I went "stark raving mad" for awhile. 

Sitting here today I can't help but think I've had MORE than my share of heartaches....maybe that sounds silly & selfish but HEY, it's been rough! 


Continuing the fight for Selah's formula (although some came in yesterday!) and her inhaled antibiotic.  I got the kids and myself all haircuts today after school since we all needed them and I know I wouldn't be able to do it once HBOT started.  Thanks for keeping us and Selah in your prayers.  We are praying for her to show some more progress this time around!!!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

ESP-my experience!

ESP or extrasensory perception is perception occurring independently of sight, hearing, or other sensory processes. 

Growing up I had some unusual experiences.  I still don't really know exactly what to think of those experiences. 

The first thing I remember is playing outside (remember when kids stayed outside all day long?)  And I'd keep hearing my name called.  I'd go to the back door and ask my aunt what she wanted.  Time and again she'd tell me she didn't call me.   We didn't have any kids living around us and we had plenty of land.  I was probably 8 or 9 years old when that happened.  I didn't like it, it made me feel odd.

Then as I grew a bit older, I'd KNOW things, just know them.  For example, one day I was in our garage and I "knew" my uncle was going to die.  I can remember where I was standing when the thought came to me.  It scared me so bad.  Within a few months he died, he was diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks before he died.  As far as I know he was not sick acting that I remember or knew consciously.  I was about 12 years old when that happened.

Then as I grew a bit older, strange things started happening.  At night we'd hear things, like voices in the house.  At this point my aunt was hearing them too.  Also several times I was attacked in my sleep by "something"  my clothes were pulled on and I was scratched.  Several times we even called the police thinking maybe there was someone in our house. 

So as things progressed, I'd still hear my name called, I still "knew" things.....  My aunt actually became somewhat concerned and told me that our family had a background in "white" witchcraft.  She told me I had an uncle who could "water witch" (find water by using a stick) and another one who could cure warts and stop bleeding by reciting a bible verse....a verse from the "book of Moses" not from the Bible.

As a teen I was trying to live for God so I went to my pastor.  He really didn't know how to deal with it.  He suggested sleeping with a bible and "anointing the doors and windows with oil"  Well that didn't do anything.....

Our church changed pastors quite frequently so in a few months we had another one and this guy and his wife took me serious. 

I KNEW in my heart that none of those things were from God.  The way I knew is that the "knowing" and the voices  did not bring any peace.  (btw my aunt also heard the voices LOL so I'm not psychotic!!!!!  We could never understand the words, it was like a murmuring) 

So they taught me that as a Christian I had authority over the devil and I didn't have to do silly things, I could just speak the word and command evil to be gone.  I asked God to take away the "ESP" and then I by myself, told all those things to leave....and it left!!!!!!  Forever! 

Once during my freshman year of bible college, some odd things happened, like my lights would come on by themselves and the clock radio would too.  Again I said the same thing and all that stuff was gone!

I just felt I should tell this experience.  I am NOT into giving any glory to the devil (yes I believe in a real defeated devil)   But there might be someone struggling with this who reads my blog.

Over the years as a Christian I have had some experiences that have been amazing.  God has certainly spoken to my heart things that came to past.  The first time I remember that happening was right after all this other stuff got dealt with.  I was a senior in high school.   I went out to our mailbox, opened it and took out a flyer for Southeastern College and when I touched it, I KNEW I was going to go to that college!!   I can remember that moment vividly.  It was a "knowing" that came from God. 

I believe God still speaks to people.  I believe whatever you hear MUST line up with scripture.  Obviously there is no scripture in the Bible telling anyone to go to SEC but it was a decision that would take a lot of work on my part and some miracles on God's part and it honored God. 

I've had a couple of dreams that I KNOW was from God, both dreams, were of the Rapture of the church.  Very real and they have stuck with me for many years.

God spoke to me several years before Sam was born, when I was deep in a valley and told me that I'd have a son named Sam and he would change my life.....well.....   How did I "hear" God?  In my heart, I the time I was alone in the car and almost wondered if the words were said aloud as they were so LOUD to me. 

I believe that God sent that woman to me in the Mall before the accident to tell me NOT to be afraid of the future.  Her words didn't' bring any fear to me, but they certainly brought a lot of comfort after the accident happened. 

GOD has given me a lot of discernment.  I think some of it comes from the life I grew up in ( as far as seeing some craziness and being able to recognize the same kind of craziness in others LOL especially in church and church behavior.)  Some of it came from my job as a probation officer, learning about human nature (believe me if you were any type of law enforcement you had NO doubt of the sinfulness of man!!!)   And some of my discernment is God given.  The reason I think it is God given, is because first of all I renounced any type of witchcraft of ESP that might have come through my family or any sin I ever did.  Second, with the knowing, comes a peace and an answer. 

For example one time a minister wanted to get involved with our ministry while we were in NYC.  I told Jon "no way do not get involved with him"  I said he was a pervert and a homosexual....  My husband got on to me for saying that since I had NOTHING to base that on and the minister was rather forward a few years and he was on the front page of the newspaper for his deviate actions and arrest.......Let's just say THAT newspaper got thrust in my husband's face.   I didn't say that about the man to be mean to him, just I knew if we worked with him, we'd be caught up in problems. 

Other times I've told my husband not to trust certain people and without fail.....there are problems with them.  I don't say to be mean to them, we still love and minister to them, but we are careful.   I think God gives that discernment. 

The devil will always have a counterfeit to the REAL thing that comes from God.  But remember the real is so much better.  When I'm "impressed" by God to do something or "led by God's spirit"  it is for the good and there is a peace.   There is such a difference from what I felt growing up. 

We have a friend who is Wiccan and we got into this conversation one time.  He thought I was wrong not to cultivate the "gift" I had.  But I knew where that "gift" came from and I was not willing to play that game or pay that ultimate price!

I'm not all into "there is a demon behind every bush" or the popular idea of "breaking generational curses"  However we did pray over our children that IF there is such a thing as a generational curse, that it be broken.  None of my children have ever experienced anything like this.  They are not fearful at night and we have a grave yard on the property LOL

So like I said, I just felt I should share this.  This is something I seldom talk about but I did feel I should this time.


Today I got to eat lunch with one of my BFF's we have a Tuesday Tradition and it is wonderful:)

I got some more of my errands done but life and other things threw me some more...

This was my FB post this morning.....
"Well we had a crazy experience last night. Something was "off" with Selah's inhaled antibodic Tobramycin. It smelled like Elmer's Glue and me and the nurse was coughing. She took it off of her and we called the doctor, It was really frightening for us as we had a strong reaction to it. Thankfully Selah handled it better than we did. She's been on it for months and it does not have a smell that. Now they will have to investigate everything before she can use it again. The prescription is thousands of dollars for a month and we don't know what is going to happen to it.

I feel like I've been dealing with all kinds of stupid stuff lately like that! Her feeds got ordered but didn't come. Then our nurse finds they (the company) has the order all wrong and we have one order form the doc and they have another that would only give Selah 500 calories a day instead of the normal 1000+ UGH!!!!!!!"
Still dealing with this tonight!
 But after I picked up Shad from school, we all went outside for 2 hours.  The boys pushed the little ones on the swings, listened to music and talked.  And our nurse figured out a great way to use the beanbag on the big swing so Selah is more comfy.  She did great outside, very interested in everything!!
Selah has responded to noise or pain since about 8 weeks after the accident.  However she usually turns away from the noise or pain.  Just in the last few days she has consistently turned towards whoever was talking to her NOT away from.  When she got her shots, she looked down towards her leg!  This is something that the rehab told us to look for and then to come back once it started happening....yeah right Yvonne said REALLY sarcastically!  Never ever taking my girl back to that "rehab"  It's exciting.  Friday starts HBOT!!!!   We are praying that God will use this to heal her brain!!!!!  Please keep our sweet LaLa in your prayers.  She was so relaxed and contented outside.  I'm so glad when we do things that make her obviously happy. 

Monday, October 28, 2013

It's Monday again!

Just some pictures from after church.  I like to take pictures of all of us together. 

Sarah had taken off her socks and shoes, she is a whiz at that! 



Selah was beyond ready to go inside!  She had a little tear so we hurried up.
Oh paperwork and phone calls....that is all I did today.  It is so overwhelming!  One of the nurses, Rose, really helps me with some coordination of prescriptions and helps us to just order the things we need from the medical supply company each month.  She realized that the prescription for Selah's feeds are wrong and has been working since last week to try and get things straightened out.  We are still working on it.  Selah was not sent the right amount of feeds so she ran out early.  Last night and tonight she is getting apple juice and pedialyte.  We are not happy as our nurse ordered things more than a week ahead of time!   The doctor's office said it was ok for her for a couple of days but it still makes me mad.  She gets such a special formula, there is no way to get it anywhere else.  I do have some Pedisure, we gave that last time when the company ran late and Selah got a lot of gas and just felt awful.  We won't do that again to her.  I'm ordering a few weeks supply so this will never ever happen again.  Our insurance won't pay for it but I don't care, I want it on hand!  I had to do that with the mickey buttons/gtubes and they were so expensive but after her's messing up and not having one on hand because "the insurance won't pay for it yet"  I said "forget the insurance we will just buy some and be on the safe side!!!!!"
Well I have a lot of loose ends to tie up this week so we are ready to start HBOT on Friday.  Once we start it, that is the focus.  It seems like I have so much paperwork (insurance , bills, stuff for the church...)  it just paralyzes me some days.  Right now, I need to "grab the bull by the horns" and just do some stuff and I just can't get myself to do it!  I hate that, never used to be like this.    But hey my closet and the little kids' closets are cleaned out LOL  I like that kind of work!
And I have a chicken casserole cooking.  It's really easy, it reminds me of a dish my mother in law used to make. 
1 box of Uncle Ben's wild rice ( I use 3 boxes)
1 can of condensed cream of chicken soup  ( I use 3)
1/2 cup of milk  ( I use 3/4 cup)
2 1/2 cup of hot water  (I use 3 cups)
you can add mushrooms (no way!) and green onions
Lots of pepper, I put lots!
Chicken or Turkey- sometimes I use the canned chicken from Sam's but you can use shredded chicken or turkey.  Or what I used today about 6 boneless/skinless chicken very thin.  I put them in raw, but have also used cooked chicken. 
cook at 350 for an's so good!
I have a dish of green beans and usually a bread and salad with it.  It's easy, pretty healthy and very good.
I also made a trip to the grocery store today....NOW that is avoiding paperwork LOL!  Needed some meats and ideas so I could have some good suppers this week and things to cook in the crock pot once we get started on Friday!  
Hope you all have a good night.  Please pray for Selah as we are getting ready once again to start HBOT!

Sunday, October 27, 2013

From the begining......

From the beginning!!!!!! 
Steve about 10 days old

                                                               He looks a bit concerned


Steve about a month old, still looking concerned LOL
Baby Santa

Jan 1996
Home from NY for a few weeks to hang out with family


First Easter 1996, wasn't he adorable??????

Fat baby:)

Christmas 1996

Christmas 1997  (my hair and Jon's glasses....Oh Lord!)

Love this picture of Jon and Steve!!!!!!

He wanted a army man cut LOL

I love this picture too



The Scooby Doo time...all this was his stuff, he was a SD fan:)
he was in kindergarten that year and that was his uniform

Steve and Buddy....our can for many years.  Dec 26 2001 Steve decided he wanted a gray kitten for a late Christmas present.  I called our vet and they had a gray one that someone had dropped off.  We went and got him and had him till last year.  The funny thing is right after this picture was taken, Buddy fell down Steve's was not pleasant LOL  but a story we laugh at now. 





Steve and Sam

My boys....

Christmas 2004
(now Sam is the one looking concerned LOL)


Love these pictures!

Our three boys

Christmas 09

Steve's 15th Bday
Steve at Gatorland

2011 (right before we started the girls adoption)
Thought you'd enjoy all these pictures of Steve as he grew up......
I'm still amazed that I officially have an adult child....  Ok that just makes me feel OLD!!!!!
I know this post will probably embarrass him but .....
I have to say again just how much we have enjoyed being Steve's parents.  We went into this thing called "parenthood" somewhat in shock!  We'd been married for over 6 years and  couldn't have a baby.  I did fertility and tests....and then gave up for a couple of years once we'd moved to NYC and got busy in ministry.  Since neither Jon or I were big "kid people"  LOL we weren't too terribly upset over not having kids.  Then I got sick ....and sicker and had no energy whatsoever.  I was pretty sure I'd picked up something awful from the drug addicts and homeless we'd been working with.  Then I noticed I was smelling everything so strong and gagging....except for the Chinese food....I smelled it and that was all I could think of "MUST have Chinese...."  So people started saying I was pregnant.  We were like "no way".  I tried to get into see my doctor but couldn't for a few days.  So someone said we should go to a Christian Pregnancy place for a test.  I went but really did not think I was pregnant....well we did the test and the lady told me it was positive.....I yelled down the hall to Jon.   I was in total shock!!!!!!!!!!   We were laughing and squealing, everyone one in the place was laughing too. 
We left and I threw up...and kept throwing up....forever....and ever..... and ever....   Finally my doctor told me at 18 weeks she'd never seen a case of morning sickness like I had.  It was awful.... If I saw food on tv, I threw up.  If I smelled things, I threw up.  Morning , noon and night.....threw up....If  the tv moved too quickly I threw up..... The doctor said she didn't think it would go away and it didn't but got a little better as time went on.  Then other issues started happening.  I had about 9 sonograms....ever one of them I was told "it's a girl"  till the last one, 2 weeks before he was born and the tech said "look there is a scrotum"   I was like NO NO NO it's a girl....and she was like "believe me that is not a girl!"  LOL   I had so many sonograms because I didn't have much amniotic fluid (same issue I had with Sam)  
So I had "monitoring" 4 days a week.  One day I went by myself, as my father in law was in town and Jon was taking him to see the sights.....   I get hooked up and Steve's heart rates plummeted....time and time again, his heart  rate would go down.  At one point they even lost it.   I was already in the hospital so they transferred me to Labor and Delivery.  I get in my room, there are like 10 people there and I'm handed a gown.  I go to change in the bathroom and the nurse yelled at me, just strip, we are probably going to have to do a C-section.....   I stripped right there, my heart pounding. 
Of course this was 1995, we didn't have a cell phone, Jon was off sightseeing with his dad......I was all alone and scared.   Finally that afternoon we were able to get ahold of him and he rushed over to the hospital. 
So Steve stabilized, since he was a month early they didn't know what they were going to do.  They decided to induce me so I spent Wednesday and Thursday being induced.  Finally on Friday things KICKED in....and the epidural didn't was HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    I woke up at 6 am in so much got worse and 8 am I had gone from 0cm to 8 cm and was pretty sure I was going to die and really did not care if I did or not....   At 10 am (just 4 hours) I was fully dilated and was told to push.  Oh Lord I pushed forever, he was was HELL!!!   Finally they used forceps....again it was HELL!   But we got a live healthy 7 lb baby.....
Well after ALL of that, and the fact that I thought he was going to be a girl....I was not so sure about all of this....THEN they handed him to was like pixie dust was poured out all over me.  I was in so much love.....In that moment, it was worth everything!
We went home a few days later and he actually slept through the night, I was hated by all:)   Steve was the easiest baby ever from the get go.  When he was about 4 months old I got one picture of him crying and we loved it because he just never cried:)  Such a sweet happy boy....
People would say "enjoy it now...just wait till he is a toddler, an adolescent, a teenager...."  then it will get hard.  Well it never did!  I've enjoyed everything from the beginning till now....every stage has been wonderful and full of wonder and excitement for us as his parents. 
We made some decisions from day one with Steve and we've always been on the same page as far as decisions and discipline.   We chose to work crazy hours so when he was in preschool and nursery, he was only there for a few hours.  I went into to work early and Jon went in late and it ended up Steve would only spend 3-5 hours a day away from us. 
We committed to keeping him in private Christian school, it was a sacrifice but we felt it was well worth it.  Many people have hobbies or boats or vacations that spend money on....we chose to spend money on something we felt was much more important than those type of things. 
We also kept him in church.  When he was little it was during my "valley time" but he still went to church weekly.  
We kept his heart turned towards his family.  In adolescence, and teen years it is natural for kids to turn towards their peers but we feel that is not necessarily the right thing!   We've always encouraged friendships but we also were carefully observing his choice of friends.  We looked for friends whose families had the same values and outlooks. 
The way we looked at parenting was not from current books or  fads.  We looked at what the Bible said and based our decisions on that.  It was not always easy nor did we do the "popular" things in some folks' mind.  But we didn't mind!  We had a goal of keeping Steve's heart turned to God and teaching him eternal truths. 
We're not perfect parents but God helped us from early on to have wisdom and discernment.
Some people say "you just shelter your kids too much"  First I find that laughable as my kids have seen more of the "REAL " world than most adults but I also look at some of the ones who say that and think...."you know sheltering is not a bad thing!"   I don't think children are geared to make some of the decisions that get forced upon them early on, regarding life, drugs & alcohol, sex.....  We absolutely made some of his decisions for him when he was younger....but now he is older and is more equipped to make decisions.
My attitude of parenting is like this.....  have you ever seen a new tree that has been planted?  Many times a tree will have a brace around it until the tree gets strong roots.  We planted some trees at the church and they had a base holding them in place for about a year.   I think in parenting you should do the same thing.  Give the help and support needed until the child has grown deep roots and no longer needs much help from the parents. 
I encourage other parents, to start from where they are at and work on things if it is needed.  If your child is at home, he/she is never too old to see some good changes. 
So back to Steve.....we have loved being his was just the three of us for over 8 years...then came Sam.....  Steve went from the prince to being the kid out in the waiting room in one hospital after another.....   But he loved his little brother from day one! 
I should have some of the NICU pictures on here, Steve would stand by his bed and just watch him, it was so sweet.
Steve dealt so good with Sam's birth and then less than 2 years later we adopted Shad.  Again Steve stepped up.  He has always been a big part of his brothers' lives.  He just rolled with the punches and challenges of our life. 
Then when we went to Ukraine, we saw him really become a man.  He was responsible for Sam while we were at the intuition or doing something court related.  He handled being in a very foreign country so good.  One thing I remember about our trip was he went to the store and bought what he thought was toilet paper and paper towels. He got the wrong thing and returned it on his own to a store where no one spoke English.  It was just amazing to see him learn and really roll with whatever surprise the trip had for us.
When the accident happened....Steve was a ROCK!  He took care of the kids so we could be at the hospital.  He sacrificed the six months we were gone from home.  And the thing is he did it so willingly, not in a complaining manner or a grumpy manner.  He just saw what needed to be done and did it.  So many people around us commented on his presence and how he dealt with things. 
When we came home, he lost his room to Selah and her nurses and again, did it willingly.  In fact he offered it when we were just thinking about how we'd handle things when we got home.   
I don't want to sound like we have the "perfect child"  (we had a friend who used to call him that) cause he is not perfect but we so appreciate all he has done and how he stepped up to the plate when needed.  He is appreciated, not just because he stepped in and helped but his sweet attitude.  Sometimes I'm sad for some of the things he has missed in life but I know God will reward him for all he has done to help out.   I would love and adore him even if he wasn't like he is but I do appreciate him:) 
We look forward to seeing what God has in store for his future.  In spite of everything.....he should be finished with all his high school work by December or January.  He then plans on getting a job until he is old enough (19 years old) to go to the Academy.  His plan is to become a Correctional Officer.  That is what he has wanted since he was 10 years old.  We are looking forward to this new stage in his life.  I do miss that little man that is in all of those pictures, the time flew by. 
So if you think about it, say a prayer for Steve that God will guide and direct his path. 


Happy 18th Birthday Steve!

We had a great party yesterday for Steve.



Good food


fun times 

Shad was on "a roll"  LOL


thanks for cooking Rodney!!!!!!

Jon shared how much we loved Steve.  I was able to and several of his friends did also.
Shad Said he was "the best brother ever"


Happy 18th Birthday Steve
"Our bearded baby"


gift time...Steve was Happy Happy Happy!


It's so hard to believe in just a couple of hours (actually during church time) our son will turn 18 years old.....what a milestone.  We've loved every second of his childhood and now we have his adulthood to look forward to.  Steve has been a blessing since day 1:)  God couldn't have given us a sweeter child.  Everything about Steve has been precious and still is to us.   We've just had such a good time being his parents and we are so blessed that God surprised us with our miracle baby!    I have some other pictures to share as well as a blog for Steve coming later but I wanted to share his birthday pictures first.  I think a 18th birthday deserves at least 2 blogs:)