Sunday, December 27, 2015

Christmas 2015

Hope y'all had a good Christmas, we sure did!

Jon and I hate to wrap presents, we used every bag we could LOL

We have a tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve

a heated blanket for Sarah

Then Christmas morning.....




 yes Sarah got lots of clothes. 


Then we had finger foods to snack on during the day.  Some of our family came over. 

Everything was pretty healthy except for the "little smokies" which are a Christmas Tradition according to Steve :)  and shrimp jambalaya  

Selah got a special bunny from her biological sister, along with a letter and a picture.  That was probably the sweetest part of our Christmas this year.  We look forward to them meeting again in the future.  Selah also got some clothes and a new bed set.  She was very sleepy when we were doing presents so I didn't bother her with pictures. 
My husband's best present was that one of my friends took one of the white kittens/cats and one of our nurses took the other one!  So we are down to just three cats!  He is very happy about that!  He is attached to a cat Vermont that one of our nurses "gave' us LOL.  It was a pity take, LOL.  The nurse was tired of it so we said it could be an outdoor cat, but over the last couple of years, Vermont has gotten Jon to love her and she sleeps with us nightly.  Last night I was trying to move her and get the blanket wrapped around my feet (the way I like to sleep) and Jon told me not to bother Vermont!!!!!  WHAT???? 
 I'm enjoying our break, Steve is home for two more weeks and Shad and the little ones are off from school too.  There's nothing I love more than being with my kids.  And I sure love them all being home under our roof at night!   There's nothing better!

Well hope you all had a good Christmas and are having a relaxing time with your family too. 


Monday, December 21, 2015

Sorry it's been so long......

Thanks for all the messages of concern I've gotten from you guys!  I should have updated but I'm really dealing with all of this...

So the surgery is set for January 12.  It will be a lumpectomy.  If there is cancer, we will go back and do a mastectomy.  The surgeon was pretty blunt but she gave me some hope as the borders of the tumor are good and even and that usually means no cancer.  She considers it large.  However, due to the placement, no one can feel it!  SO GET YOUR MAMMAGRAMS!!!!!!!    The reason we are doing a lumpectomy is because this kind of tumor can turn into cancer at some point in life.  Who wants to deal with that?

And I've totally made up my mind about the mastectomy-if it's cancer, I'm not taking any chances.  In my opinion, it's best to know how you are going to handle a situation before hand if you can. 

A college friend went with me to the appointment, she has had the very same thing as me and used the same surgeon.  We actually laughed quite a bit, especially when my blood pressure was taken and it was 178/110.....  Yep, me who usually has such extremely low blood pressure.  My friend chose the same path as me, a lumpectomy and she was cancer free so I'm hoping I'll have the same outcome.

I'm still in shock, I can't believe this is happening to be honest.  At the same time, I'm still dealing with stomach pain and other problems.  And joy of joy it is time to see the thyroid doctor I feel like I'm going from one doctor to another. 

Thanks for your prayers and concern, it really means a lot to me. 


On a much lighter note, today is Sarah's 9th birthday!  I love my baby girl so much!

This is what I found when I walked in her room this morning!  She was in the toy box.  I had to take a picture before I rescued her. 


her on the swing today

And I just love this picture of her and Jon.  It melts me!
Sarah is an extraordinary child.  When I think of all she went through, living in such a dark place, in physical darkness, it takes my breath away.  Yet she is full of light and joy.  Some think she is like she is because she doesn't have the understanding to even remember the past.  I don't think that is true, I hear too much from other parents who have adopted children like her.  Somehow she held on to hope.  I don't know how she did it.  But I love her more than life itself.   She is a true Joy, she loves deeply.  I thank God for her. 
Nine years ago her birthday was filled with rejection, today it was filled with playtime outside, cuddles and ice cream.  We sat outside for hours today (yeah Florida!)  I'm thankful for my girl. 

Here is our Sunday Christmas pictures, they didn't do too good.

Selah was annoyed at waiting.  She turned her head away, you can see she is sitting straight up and is holding her head up on her own.  She has her spunk!

Then Sam was ready to EAT!  He was not pleased either!


Here they are all together......we are planning family pictures in the next week or so -hopefully they will turn out better. 

Shad dog sat for my friend and used his money to buy a new BB rifle and a real target.  He's had a lot of fun with it and does great with hitting the target.   The boy is southern through and through.  (don't worry he doesn't aim at animals or people)

a picture of our first fake tree and first in our own house tree we've had since Sam started walking!  Everyone including the cats and have done good with it ( before we put up a tree in the church and used our own ornaments) 

You can see a couple of the cats under it

This picture was taken the Sunday after Thanksgiving, after a great week we had to take Steve back to college to face finals.  We weren't going to see him for two weeks so I was sad.  He did great on finals, he got all A's & B's in his classes.  Pretty good!

the little people were sleepy

Well I've caught y'all up on our life.  I appreciate your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks.  I wish I could just run away and not deal with any of this but I have to face it and get it over with. 

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Jesus We're Depending on You

Today I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around what is ahead for me.  Believe me I realize more folks have much more harder things they are dealing with.  But I'm just crying out from my heart that I just do not want to go through anything else!  I feel like the past three years have been the absolute hardest of my life.  God's still been good, He's still been faithful but I'm only human and I feel like I'm just hanging on by my toe nails at this point.  I feel so alone and I feel like the future is so unknown. 

I have appointments set with two different surgeons set- one for next week and one for the following Monday.  At the least, I'm looking at a lumpectomy- which I want to be safe- but I realize it will affect me and make it hard for me to care for the kids for awhile.  If I have to have anything else done, it will obviously make more of a difference in how I will be able to care for the kids.  After I got the final report from the radiologist, surgical removal was recommended, which is what I want but seeing it in black and white is a little unnerving.  At least I will not have a fight with our insurance. 

Sam and Sarah are dependent on us for total care.  Sarah doesn't walk, except a little with us holding her hands and helping her, a lot!  Sam walks but still needs a lot of help, he can't get into our van without help for example.  Thankfully our nurses care for Selah, who also needs total care.  Everything we do, we have to think about how it will affect the three little ones. 

Yesterday I got all my paperwork done for the year for the church.  I also got all my personal paperwork done for various things.  I even got all of my husband's ironing done LOL- that's how to tell if I'm totally stressed- I'm a weirdo- I IRON!!!  I'm trying to get things done ahead of time in case I can't do things for awhile.

So the only thing that is helping me at this point is focusing on eternity (and ironing)  I absolutely love Van Buren Assembly of God- You tube channel VBFATV.  I just let song after song play.  It's funny, when Selah was in the hospital I was ministered to by their videos so many nights, sitting in her hospital room.  Once we got home, we had horrible internet so I didn't listen to them often.  But now with FIOS (which I'm so thankful for) I can listen to them all the time.  They focus on songs about eternity and heaven.  Now I'm not saying I'm dying- but focusing on eternity helps me to put into context my life and it's problems. 

It's funny but when you can focus on eternity, it doesn't matter so much about what you are going through.  You begin to realize that life is so short and eternity is so long..... "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;" 

Whatever is our light's just for a moment- in the light of eternity. 

So while I'm worrying about the physical things that are ahead, the financial scare me too!  We have good insurance but we've been paying out a lot lately.  It used to be with our insurance, that once the family deductible was hit, the insurance paid at 100%.  Now we have an individual deductible...THEN the insurance still only pays 80%....  the little kids have a secondary state insurance and that usually pays the family insurance co-pays so that's why I hadn't noticed the change in policy.  Lovely.....and at the holidays. 

But God is always faithful.  He'd always taken care of us and helped us to meet bills, make payments or sometimes, it's just been wiped out.  So I have to stop trying to think my way through this.  Whenever I've have tried to figure out things financially, I've freaked out LOL.  But when I learn to just depend on God, it all works out.  BUT even after all the financial miracles we've seen, all the miracles of provision, I'm still a worry wart!  I totally get all the Old Testament stories about the children of Israel, they'd see God do a miracle and then they'd turn around and doubt Him at the next sign of trouble!  Yep- I totally understand them!  It's human nature.  But God is above all of that!

I love this song
Jesus we're depending on you!

When our faith tried by fire
we still know that It's true
The devil's a liar
there's not much he can do
And tho he tries hard to stop us
 we know You'll see us through
Jesus we're depending on you

Jesus, we're depending on you
Jesus, we're depending on you
Jesus, we're depending on you
Depending on you to see us through (repeat)

We came to the water
Didn't know what to do
There was no one to help us
Couldn't see our way through
Then the Lord moved the water
And we walked right on through
Oh Jesus we're depending on you

Love this song and the message of this song!  Listen to it. 

Whatever we are all going through, it's just a light affliction in the light of eternity.... this is what I have to remember also.  Thanks for all your emails and prayers!