Wednesday, November 19, 2014
What Irks Me
Irk -verb means to irritate; annoy.
You know something has been irking me for awhile now.... All these serious blogs about adoption. Maybe I'm just simplistic but to me adoption vs. natural birth is the same thing when it happens. Not sure that I can articulate this blog like I want to, maybe I don't have the words....But our "adopted" kids are just as much our kids as our "biological" kids. I don't mean that in a sloppy sentimental way-it's just they are my kids!
And these blogs that want to tell the 'truth" about adoption and how "hard" it is.....get over it. Biological parents go through problems with their biological kids all the time. As an adoptive parent, you chose to adopt, now be the parent! I don't want to hear your whining!
All I can speak about it our adoptions. The only issue we had was with Shad who is an extremely smart boy. He was two and right in the middle of the "terrible twos". He was a trip those first few months but no more so than other "biological" two year old boys. Sometimes I think people go looking for issues because the child is adopted. Granted, there can be more things to overcome and I do feel we've had to work harder with Shad but he is also a very smart boy and very confident. Just those two things together can make a child a bit headstrong. But it's not necessarily a bad thing.
The girls' adoption and transition into our home was so sweet and easy. Because Shad had had some issues, we certainly expected problems with two older girls but there was nothing but two sweet girls who trusted us more ever day and responded quickly to love. Just like that euphoric feeling after giving birth, I had it to the extreme with Sarah and Selah. I can remember hating it when they'd take a nap, I wanted to get them up to play with them LOL! Everything was like a dream, until the accident happened.
For me adoption has been nothing but a blessing. Sure my heart grieves over the accident and will for the rest of my life but Selah is still our daughter, still loved and cherished. Selah and her needs come first in our family. So now she is the number one priority in our family. No decision is made without considering her needs/care first. Every now and then someone will send me something nasty that some nameless ballless troll has written about us. There is always some implied idea that adopting the two girls together was what caused the accident..... the little comment or section will try to imply that we were overwhelmed....one thing I read took something I wrote and twisted it around to show how overwhelmed I was. What caused the accident was that my husband stopped the stroller and took his cell phone out of his pocket, turned away from the stroller and the sun so he could see the time on it. I wrote on this blog that I WISHED I had gotten him a new watch the week before but was too tired/busy and forgot. I GUESS I should have gone into detail. THE TRUTH is I was at the store and forgot till I got in the parking lot BUT since I'd just had foot surgery a few days before and my foot was bleeding through the bandage I was just too TIRED to get back on the little cart I was using and go back into Walmart. It had NOT one thing to do with the adoption!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't tired from the adoption, I wasn't tired or stressed by the girls but rather from the two foot surgeries I'd had that summer. I actually had to have one more foot surgery just the day before we left for NY.....
In fact the accident would have never happened IF I had not had the foot surgeries I am sure. If I could have walked for a distance I would have gone with Jon OR the whole family would have gone to a nearby mountain park that we love to go to in the Rochester area. In fact we even discussed going earlier that morning but I did not feel like I could go. So the root cause of the accident in my opinion was my foot surgery. The pain kept me from going back in the store and buying another watch and it kept me from enjoying a walk with my family on that fateful morning. I'm sure some idiotic would say we shouldn't adopted since I had a foot problem...well the problem started about a month after the adoption....sorry I was not forewarned about it.
Then I read this long discourse on how we should have researched and not used the particular jogging strollers as primary means of transportation of the kids. Well the jogging stroller was being used for its intended purpose when the accident happened. The kids were well within the size specified for that store, quite UNDER the height and weight recommendations. Some idiot said something like we should have had wheelchairs for the kids.... first we wanted to encourage Sam and Selah to walk short distances on their own. Selah hated to walk-but we certainly would not have been eligible through our insurance for Sam or Selah a wheelchair at that point. Back then, we mostly carried Sarah unless it was a long distance LIKE a walk in the park. People are just beyond idiots and beyond jerks! The thing is if I ever say anything negative or positive anywhere on the internet, I can sign my real name! Nameless faceless comments are from tiny weird minds....
Again accidents are horrible, but to link an accident with an adoption....just is not right. If we had no longer wanted Selah- just to be blunt- when the doctor encouraged us to not put in the trach or gtube and just let her go....we could have done that. She would have quietly died and that would have been the end but we fought and still fight for her life. We chose to bring her home rather than put her in a nursing home. I had to spend the summer of 2013 fighting for her to stay home. We have lived in a tiny house for two years with nurses, therapists and teachers in every nook. We don't get any compensation from her accident-nor should we. the accident made our lives so much harder. It was a wonderful happy easy life before....oh we had doctor appointments, therapy appointments and yes the three little ones needed a lot of care but we knew what we were doing BEFORE we brought the girls home and we knew their needs were manageable at that point.
Anyhow those are a few things that IRK me that I've been rolling around in my head lately.
WHEW.....there may be some PMSing going on around here!!!!!!!