Lonely

Just feeling lonely today. I was able to run some errands in Lakeland by myself w/out kids...but really wanted a girlfriend to hang out with. So I did everything by myself, even ate by myself...I NEVER do that. But felt like crying....I'm not usually like this but I just feel lonely, I have for years. I used to have so many friends to hang out with that I had to juggle people around...But some folks moved away, I quit work and lost touch with a lot of friends and I think lots of people are overwhelmed by the life I live now. I have so many responsibilities that my life is so structured with all I do for Sam -it's too much for others. I noticed some ladies out shopping together laughing and having a good time and I thought "God I really crave that!" One thing though, you can't make a friendshop happen anymore than a romantic relationship. You either click with someone or you don't. And there is nothing worse than having to hang out with someone who you just don't get or who doesn't get you!! And I'm a different kind of person. I'm not spiritual enough for most other pastor's wives or even churh ladies but I'm too spiritual for heathens...LOL that's a joke everyone!!! Untwist your .......!!!!!! But I am "different" in the way I look at life than alot of people. My husband kids me if I haven't been friends with someone for 20 plus years then I don't care anything about them! That's not quite true but boy I wish all my "old" friends didn't all move away from here except for a couple!

When I had Sam, I hate to say it, but I found out who my true friends were and sad to say, there weren't a ton of them. Oh sure I have tons of causal friends but true friends are few and far between. It's hard. I've always been such a "social butterfly" that loneliness is hard at times. I've adjusted and can deal with it but it still stinks. But I can't do the things I used to be able to do. I can't just go and run and be free. If nothing else I know I have 30 eyedrops to get into my baby's eyes before he goes to bed at night. So life is structured around what my son needs. But that's ok and it will always be ok! Whatever I have to do for him is worth any small "sacrifice" I think I make!

Sometimes I look at my friends who are my age and all their kids are at least in high school or at least teenagers and I still carry a diaper bag! It's different and will always be different since Sam probably won't progress much mentally or physically past the point he is now....And this may sound stupid to other people but I feel like Sam is my own sweet angel to take care of and one day when I'm in heaven I'll have all the time to rest, relax and be with friends and God but my time now is to take care of my son. That is truly how I look at my life but I do get lonely for friends...

What a whiner I am...maybe I'm PMSing:) Soemone please send me some meds:)