I know WHO holds tomorrow

Night update: Selah got an arterial line today. Hope it will last. Her kidney function test is coming down a little bit please keep praying. Her blood pressure is up! Not a good sign because with everything else that indicates kidney damage. Please pray. She still has fevers The doctors decided not to do a CAT scan as they need to do it with dye and don't want to tax her kidneys anymore than necessary. Please pray for her. Things are very serious for her right now, please pray for God's mercy

Today I spent the afternoon with the kids at the Ronald McDonald House while Jon stayed with Selah. It's always great to be with the kids but I came back here to alot of things going on. We have some real concerns about her blood pressure, it needs to come down. Her heart rate stays in the 150-160 range probably because of the underlying fevers. Her kidney function numbers are coming down very slowly but that is a step in the right direction, please pray that they will continue to come down. They need to find WHY she has fevers and WHY her white blood count is high. I believe they have tried to find an answer and have left no stone unturned but the reason seems to baffle them.

We need prayer as much as we did two weeks ago. Selah's body is fighting and tired. Please pray that God will heal her. She needs a physical as well as a neurological touch. Please pray that God will touch her heart/mind/emotions and spirit. I worry often about how she is emotionally. The doctors tell us that that part of the brain doesn't work anymore but in my heart I worry that she is afraid and feels alone. I don't know everything spiritually but I pray that God will minister to her during this time, maybe send her an angel...I don't' know, I just want her to not be afraid.

So please pray for her. Pray for our family. Jon & I have been through alot in life and we are both the type to just plow through things and that is what we are doing. We have four other kids to take care of and are far from home. God has given us the strength thus far but this is the hardest thing we have ever lived through. We need your prayers.

There is so much I could write about, at times the fear, doubt, and sadness overwhelms me like a flood. Thankfully the Grace of God is also there to help balance me out. We have been shown so much kindness by so many. Thank you all for your prayers, cards, gifts, calls, messages. texts. we are so blessed. Again thank you to the Ronald McDonald House and all its workers and volunteers. You all have reached out in so many ways to my family and shown us such kindnesses! If you live in this area and want to give or volunteer at a wonderful organization, please be a part of the Rochester NY Ronald McDonald House! They live up to their mission and then some!!!!!! Strong's Hospital is wonderful...we have been shown nothing but kindness and understanding by the staff from the receptionists to the doctors! We are so grateful to so many people!!!

So I close tonight, still placing my trust in God. I have no idea what the outcome is going to be. I am afraid of the future, whichever way things go....but somehow I can still say I trust God.

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said.
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Every burden's getting lighter,
Every cloud is silver-lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eye;
At the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand
.
I don't know about tomorrow;
It may bring me poverty.
But the one who feeds the sparrow,
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand...

Just a disclaimer....can't say I'm exactly where the first verse is LOL I do worry about tomorrow right now... But I love the last verse the most..."And the path that be my portion, maybe through the flame or flood but His presence goes before we and I'm covered by His blood" I have sung that verse over to myself many many times over the years in many situations. It's been in my mind for the last two weeks, we can not control life much to my disappointment but we can trust God through whatever life throws at us.

Believe me if you are reading this, you will have trouble in your life. It might not be the same troubles I have had but I can promise you that heartache will come. You can't get out of that, we live in a fallen world. But I can promise you there is a God who will be right beside you in every situation. I can promise you that because I have experienced it many times. Back almost 16 years ago when we lost our twins at 22 weeks, God was there. Back almost 9 years ago when we went through a difficult pregnancy to have a premature baby who had many health problems, God walked with us through all of that and all the ramifications of me having to quit my job to stay home with Sam. He was there the night we heard the words "your son is blind". And He has been with us these past two weeks. There were many other times in my life when God was with me in such a real way, bringing me peace in the midst of storms. So I can testify to you that God can be with you in whatever situation you find yourself in. He has been with me and believe me I am no saint! I'm not perfect, please don't read my posts and think I am some super christian. If you do, I have a few people who can tell you the truth about me LOL! I don't even like to pray out loud! How I ended up as a Pentecostal pastor's wife is beyond me! So don't think I'm some super duper christian, I am NOT! But I serve a God who is faithful even when I am not and thankfully I don't' think He minds that I don't like to pray in front of other people!!!

But I trust in the eternal God, who is not changed by our circumstances. If Selah is healed, He is still the same. If she dies, He is still the same, If she lives just the way she is right now for 20 years He IS STILL THE SAME! Do I blame or question God? I really do not. Do I blame or question God about Sam(being born disabled)? I can truly say I have not. Life happens, we live in a fallen world and that is answer enough for me. Have I ever blamed or questioned God about something....YES I have. After I lost the twins, I went through an awful valley...it was beyond awful for me and everyone around me. It was a long valley, several years, I had to go through my Job experience...and it was ROUGH! But God was faithful to me, and brought me through it. During that time I went back and blamed God for every heartache in my life and questioned many things. I used to drive back and to from work and argue with God in my car...it was an intense time in my life BUT God was faithful. He walked me through alot of things although I can say I was not living close to Him at all. But He was faithful. Then as I was coming through that long valley, we had Sam. I had to determine that I was going to trust God and not question Him. God gave me the Grace I needed to do that. So now I look back over those first few months with Sam when things were very bad and I can see the peace of God and the Hand of God.

So tonight as I sit with Selah, I don't even have the words to pray other than "God help us and show us mercy, heal our sweet little girl" But I know the One who holds our tomorrows and I trust Him no matter what. And I am so thankful that I can trust Him, so thankful as I face the biggest, darkest storm of my life that I have had other storms to learn from, other times when God has proven Himself faithful to me. I can look back on my almost 47 years and see how God has been faithful in many rough situations. He has provided all I have needed to face Life and He is still providing even tonight.