It is Well with my Soul

Update:

Selah's fevers are continuing. Nothing seems to be helping. With meds they will go down but she can't keep them down. She has MRSA and her white blood counts are up. She has "something" on her arm, probably a blood clot and the redness is growing....she needs prayer now physically as well as neurologically!

Sitting here listening to the group SELAH "Greatest Hymns". they sing several songs on there that just speaks to my heart. One of them is "It Is Well With My Soul". The writer of that song lost his children in a shipwreck in the Atlantic Ocean. The ship and most on board were lost. His wife was rescued but not his daughters. On his way over to Europe to meet up with his wife, his ship's captain told him when they were at the place where his family's ship went down...He wrote that song based on that experience.


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.


But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Sources: •Faith Publishing House, Echoes from Heaven, 1976 (168)
•Anonymous/Unknown, The Blue Book (199)

The last verse means alot to me....this situation turns my heart toward eternity even more. I understand that father's anguish as he penned those words... Before all of this happened, a few weeks ago I dreamed about the rapture. In my dream I was holding Sarah and saw the "the sky roll back like a scroll" it was an amazing dream. I'm looking forward to that day!

Across from the hospital is a very large cemetery. We've often wanted to walk through it, but haven't got the chance to. It's a reminder as a patient. a visitor, or staff comes out of the hospital, they face the cemetery...I've found it funny over the years in my sarcastic way. Now I look at it and think "death where is your sting" when this life is over, our heartache is ended...what a comfort. (don't' worry I'm not suicidal at all I just find it a comfort that one day life's trials will all be over) I think the old hymn writers spoke of heaven so often because of life's trials and tears on this earth.

Last night sitting in Selah's room, I read over my blog, since so many who don't' know me are reading it & it makes me wonder (and worry) about what all I have written :) But I loved reading the adoption posts and the posts since we've been home. I am still a blessed mom with the best kids in the world. I've experienced heartbreak but the joy does win out. I needed that reminder to myself.

So despite it all, I can still say "it is well with my soul" "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed"

Please keep praying for Selah, I still have hope that there will be a change neurologically....but it is so hard. Pray for our family, there is just this huge empty space without her, we miss her being with us so much. I am so thankful I never took a day for granted with her, the girls were so new to us, that every day seemed like Christmas to me when they got up:) It was just fun! I want that again, I want all of my kids home and healthy. I want to have to rush to cook them breakfast...and get them dressed...it's a honor to be their mom. This summer has been incredibly sweet, getting to know our two princesses! I want to go back to that.

Don't take your family for granted, no one is promised tomorrow. Hug you kids tight, be thankful for everyday annoyances and work. I wish our only problem was getting the laundry done...

MRSA

Just two Saturdays we were in Mt Airy NC, cutting up and having fun with all the Mayberry props and stores....wish I could turn back time!!!!!!!!


Selah has tested positive for MRSA & her white count is up. PLEASE pray for her! This is serious!!!!!!

Thank you all for your cards, letters, gifts, messages, texts, calls....each one has lifted us up and let us know that we are not alone.

Missing Selah

Selah is still having unexplained fevers, she has been checked for everything you can think of...the fevers make her heart rate go back up into the 150's.

Today was just a sad hard day. This evening we went to Walmart & picked up a few things for the kids then we ate supper with them and I gave Sam and Sarah a bath. I laid down with Sam for awhile & he kept hugging me, that was so nice! Jon is staying over there tonight, his back has really been giving him fits again & I think that bed works better for him. We don't' want another problem with his back! Plus Sarah is crying some at night which is not like her. I think she misses mommy & daddy.

Thanks for all your prayers, we really need them. We are still praying for our girl to wake up. I miss her so bad...I can't even describe how much I miss her and her funny little ways. I'm so angry that we only had 3 months with her before this happened. She's been through Hell in her short little life & finally had a family and we had our girls...now...it's just awful!

These past three months have been the happiest of my entire life. I told Jon several times that I'd never been happier. I can remember just being in the laundry room & thanking God for my life, telling Him how content I was and how blessed. Jon said the day of the accident he was thinking that Life was just so good....now I truly can not imagine being really down deep happy again. My little girl is in a coma, with so much brain damage she can't even swallow...without a miracle from God, this is where she is. It's hard to imagine that just a few days ago she was running & playing and getting into everything! I want my Selah back so bad! Please keep praying. I've never asked God for much, just for my kids...and I'm begging for my Selah to come back to us. It's seems like for some reason, that has been the area in my life where I've had the greatest joys & the greatest sorrows. I don't understand WHY we have gone through so much, I think I've had my share of heartache in life and them some.

I was thinking today of everything and for some reason God has not chosen in the past to deliver us from situations but He has given us the grace to go through situations. This time I am begging God with all that is within me to deliver us from this! but I pray that we will be like the three Hebrew children who said "Oh King Our God is able to deliver us but even if He does not do so, we won't bow" Please pray for deliverance for our child. Pray that god will bring her out, restored to herself. Selah was very delayed, around a 12-18 month level, although she was 8 yrs old. But we adored her right where she was! We'd give anything to have that little personality back! Please pray!!!!

Meetings

Today we met with Dr Aquevella on Sarah's MRi and possible surgery. Sarah has a "kink" in her optic nerve as well as some problems with her retina. Her retina is very uneven, think in some places & thicker in others....so those two things do not make her a good candidate for corneal implant surgery. We had decided if the risk was more than 50/50 we were not going to do it. Well it's alot worse than 50/50 so we have decided not to do the corneal implant. There is some sadness, because we desired to give her more sight since the day we first saw her picture. It was our dream for her to be able to see as well as Sam does.... But on the other hand she will not have to go through with surgery and aftercare/pain and in one sense we are relieved. she has a little sight and she does enjoy and use it as much as she can. We think she sees light and colors. If we were to do the surgery & her eye couldn't handle it , she would probably go black/blind. So we will work with what she has. She is such a joyful little girl, she doesn't know the difference & isn't grieving this. We are sad but think it is the best decision.

We also had a serious meeting for Selah to map out the future....She still is having fevers but once they are under control, then she will have the trach and g-tube put in. She will also possibly have dental surgery here . We were planning on having that done back home as she needs extensive work. We have a very long road ahead. when she is released from this hospital, she will be moved back to Florida and will first go to a hospital or a re-hab as we get our home ready for her. We will probably have to add a room for her, so she is more secure and can have nursing in there. It's alot to take in....

So please pray that the fevers go away. Pray that she will be able to get her trach & feeding tube in with no complications. Pray that she will show enough response to be put into their 3 hr daily rehab program. I'm not sure that she will qualify. Thank you for your prayers!!!!

What a day this has been.....

Looking forward to another day, an eternal day. Remember the old song...

"What a day that will be, when my Jesus I shall see, When I look upon his face, the One who saved me by His grace. When He takes me by the hand & leads me to the Promised Land, what a Day glorious Day that will be....

There'll be no dying there, no more burdens to bear, no more sickness,no more pain, no parting ere again, &forever I will be with the One who died for me, what a day Glorious Day that will be!

Believe me I am looking forward with much hope to that day, tonight...

Dream

Last night I had such a sweet dream. I dreamed we were home and it was storming outside and Selah "woke up" and started pulling her wires off and sit up in bed. She couldn't walk but she was Selah...what a a wonderful dream.....

Now I'm a cautious person, I don't go around claiming things and I'm not going to say that dream was from the Lord. I've had a couple of dreams in my life that I did feel came from God and I am not sure if this is one of them. It may have just came from deep inside where there is still hope...but it was a comfort to me.


After being in the ER all day, Jon was diagnosed with something like acute acid relux and given several prescriptions. He is feeling much better today.

Last night I ate supper with the family and was there to work on eye drops...no matter what is happening eye drops go on....LOL Anyhow it's so good to be with our family, like a salve to my heart. At one point, Shad, Sam and Sarah were sitting on me or leaning against me...it felt so so good!! The kids are doing great. Uncle Jim is with them, with a new appreciation of diaper duty LOL. Steve, as always, is a great help.

Selah is stable. They had done some cultures and she is responding to the antibiotics, hopefullly her fevers will soon be gone. yesterday she did keep one eye completely open and the other somewhat open. We are praying that she will have a gag/cough reflex as well as a response to the corneal test...Please pray for that for her and pray that her fevers are gone. Obviously we don't know what she is thinking but pray that god speaks to her little heart while she is in this state. A friend had given me a CD some time ago and I'm glad I had it in the van. it's the group called Selah "Greatest Hymns" we have kept that on for days now and each song speaks to my heart and I hope to her heart too.

Just continue to pray....thank you so much!!!!!!!! I may not return every call (or any-I'm just not good on the phone right now) I might not text, or hit LIKE on everything on FB since I don't have alot of time but I am unbelievably grateful to each of you who are praying. reaching out, we just feel covered by love....

Change in Plans

Today we were not able to meet for our conference. Jon was sick all night but didn't wake me up. When I woke up, I took him down to the ER. He has acute reflux/acid. He was having awful burning stomach pain. It's some better now thanks to some meds. Due to his family history of heart issues & the past week, they are holding him another 6 hours to make sure all his bloodwork stays stable.

Please pray for my sweet husband. He is seldom sick & always tries to keep a stiff upper lip....With all his back issues, he never missed a day of work so he hates that this has happened.

Selah has her eyes more open than ever today which is nice but she still doesn't respond to the cornea touch ( she should jerk her head away or at least close her eyes, nor does she have the gag/cough that she needs. She has a little fever off & on still so please pray for her Thank you all again!!!!!!!!!

Trusting

We got a good night of sleep last night (thank you Tylenol PM!!!) & we were able to have a good talk this morning. Jon & I are 100% on the same page and I am thankful for that. We made a commitment to the court in Ukraine to be Selah's & Sarah's parents, knowing their disabilities, knowing they would need life long care. I cried that day as we looked into the judge's eyes as we made our heartfelt commitment to love and care for them. It reminds me of the day I made a commitment to Jon in marriage, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness & in health" When I made that commitment to Jon I had NO idea what I was really committing to...we look back now and laugh. With the girls, I had some idea, because we have other children and another handicapped child, so I knew how life would be...and we were content with that. Now life has changed dramatically BUT not our commitment!

Tomorrow we have a meeting with the doctors/social workers etc to to plan out the next steps for her. We believe she will be here for 4-6 more weeks and then we plan on taking her home. She will have a trach and a feeding tube put in. We are still praying for God's healing & mercy but we must be practical too. We have alot to learn in order to take care of her.

Please pray for her, for God to heal and for Jon & me to be able to hear what is said to tomorrow and be able to understand what needs to be done....

I want to tell you all who are reading this I do appreciate your prayers. They are holding our family up to the Throne of God. It means so very much to me. And I want to testify to you that God is a faithful God. I can say that sitting beside my comatose daughter in the PICU, with a broken heart. He is still faithful.

The thoughts that have gone through our heads today have been thoughts of eternity. Life is short and eternity is long< has been something that has gotten me through some dark days before & is a comfort to my heart. And what I mean is, in this world we will have trouble, hard times, accidents, death, heartache BUT there is coming a day when every tear will be wiped from our eyes...I am looking forward to that day! I have a hope beyond this life. It is real to me and even more so since I had Sam, knowing one day he would be whole. And now......it is more real to me than this room I sit in. So we walk on with hope in our hearts for the future here and our eternal future...please continue to pray....