You know I've never wanted
one thing to define
me! My life is not just the mom of 5 kids a preacher's wife, the mom of adopted kids, the mom of special needs kids I'm not just a Christian, an American a woman a former probation officer,a blogger, a gardener .....
All those things are parts of who I am,,.
But it is a struggle. In
Real Life, some of you might not even like me! And I'm sure I might not like YOU either! LOL (no really I'm laughing...) I don't "play well with others". I love people but most of the time I'd rather love them from afar:) Now I love the disenfranchised~ those are the folks I often feel the most comfortable with, no being fake, not having to be "spiritual", and for the most part not having to live up to some one's standards of who I should be. BTW the disenfranchised I'm talking about are the ones who have had their rights or privileges taken away, not in a political way (although that could be the case in some instances) but the orphans, the prisoners, the disabled, the old.....
It's so funny to me that I always wanted to
be a preacher's wife until I was actually one! Now I love my husband and I
know I married the right person
but I'm not preacher's wife material! I HATE seminars and small groups. Please do not ask me to go to a "women's retreat" or worse a "pastor's wife's retreat" (been there, done that, one time was way more than enough for me and yes there is a
story there that is quite funny but no I can't share it yet) I would absolutely never go on a "marriage retreat" UGH! I do not read much Christian books ( most of them are a
bunch of hogwash anyhow) I like theology books ( I mean
real theology not "Your 7 steps to financial freedom or Healing or whatever") Most Christian "music" leaves me cold.... I do love the hymns. And Lord knows I hate Christian TV well actually I will watch it sometimes just to get a good laugh or get good and mad! I HATE to hug!!! HATE!!!! I'm not a touchy feely person, except with my family and there are days when I reach my threshold early on with them..... I don't like men who are patronizing and they seldom like me since I don't put up with nonsense. The older I get the less I put up with. I'm a conservative Republican but I don't always vote Republican but I am very pro-life but I believe strongly in the death sentence (remember I worked as a probation officer many years!)
I love keeping the earth clean, Green living and I'm a tree hugger, although I know this earth will one day pass away and I really dislike Al Gore.... I believe in eating as natural as possible, no chemicals, no NITRIDES, as organic as possible ( my garden is 100% organic and it is a pain!) But I really believe fervently in vaccinations and n
ever had the slightest desire to breast feed! That just seemed way too gross for all of us! I love animals ( often they are easier to love than humans) and won't kill anything except mosquitoes and ants and flys! We even take out spiders and roaches (they have their place in the eco system! I'm not a Vegan but wish I liked veggies enough to be one but I don't:) I love to read mysteries with a passion, actually I love to read almost anything (except for the afore mentioned christian books!) Libraries are my favorite place to be! I love Maps and seldom get lost, I am a GPS:) I'm pretty smart and confident in my skills, I'm very administrative and see the
big picture. I'm sarcastic ( oh you have
no idea....) I love guns and target practice, I'm a good conservative but not always.... I hate horses ( one of the few animals I do not care for at all) I love getting messy and real with people, I can roll with the punches and I have learned (especially in the past year or so) to be incredibly flexible in every area of my life.
I love my husband and feel like we work as a team now (for the first 10 or so years it was not like that) I do believe in submission, in the sense if he was truly against something, I wouldn't do it or if he really felt strongly we should do something, I would do it.... Most of the time we agree. One thing that worries me in the "church world" is young women who get married, have kids and have no real skills. It's funny there is this huge swing back to the 50's mentality in some groups. That is scary to me. I made it on my own in college and worked sometimes 3 jobs at once. I had a career until I realized that Sam needed me to stay home with him. I LOVE being a stay at home mom BUT I have the skills to work a real job if I had to support my family. That brings a huge comfort to me! I don't ever want to be totally dependant on one person! I can remember women who were totally dependant on their husbands for everything. One poor women in my church had a mean hateful husband. He controlled her life, how long she could stand around after church, what she wore, how often they saw their grown children (who hated their father) he'd make her walk to work in the rain...my great aunts and grandmother would hold her up as an example of what not to be. All three of them were strong women who worked when it was unfashionable and two of them divorced their husbands! But they always told me to be able to stand on my own two feet. My grandmother almost had a heart attack when I told her Jon and I had a joint checking account! She never had one with either of her husbands!
I love my friends & others who aren't Christian but I believe in a clear cut message. I don't believe a "watered down gospel" I believe if you are not a Christian, you will not go to heaven. I personally wish that the Bible wasn't quite so strict but hey I didn't write it! I have friends that I consider them "living in sin" whether they are living in homosexuality, with a boy/girl friend or just "out there" in various ways, not attempting to live a moral, upright life (according to scripture-not what some particular church preaches) To me scripture is pretty plain and people crack me up when they try to give "soft" explanations for things... this is pretty plain in 1 Corinthians 6 ."
9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. I also do not think people who ignore the orphans, the widows, the poor ( and i mean the poor ) will go to heaven.... there are too many Scriptures commanding us as the body of Christ to take care of "the least of these"
I am so not perfect...but I do believe in a standard of living that draws us close to God and to others. I may not come up to your standard or you may think my standard is too high....I don't know but I do know that God can reach each of us where we are at and help us to reach up higher!
I feel like I have fought legalism all my life. When I was a teenager, I was absolutely one of the most chaste girls ( because I was petrified of going to hell!). But one time I was in my room reading the bible, on a hot summer's day in Florida with no a/c, in shorts and my great aunt Ruby, came in and said "you whore, why are you even reading the bible" That was a turning point in my life. I decided then and there I would not allow anyone to ever judge me spiritually by something like that! Now there are times in my life I needed some judging but that was not one of them! I've fought spiritual abuse in the church world. I've fought being put into some one's mold and sometimes I don't think people always realize what they do or try to do to others. There were several times "in ministry" that I felt we were in spiritual abusive situations. That's just sad! I don't even know if the folks realized what they were doing...but looking back (and even at the time) it's easy to see it was unhealthy! We really really try our best to never put others into those types of situations. Listen, if the Bible doesn't call something wrong, I'm not going to hop in and tell someone they are "in sin"
I really worry about several groups in the evangelical church world today. There are the pentecostal/charismatic ones who seem to want to draw folks in to scam them and then there are other groups who try to draw in folks to lord over them. I've read some about some of the movements in the church world today and there is some stinking scary things out there! It's like if there is something good like homeschooling or large families or mentoring some idiot has to go and take it to some weird legalistic degree......how about this quote I learned in Bible college "All extremes are dysfunctional" I try and remember that whenever I want to go on a tangent! See this is why I don't "fit in" anywhere...I refuse to be extreme.... Jon and I are probably considered by many to be conservative parents....until we are around other "conservative " parents and then I think we look liberal...but we have our children's hearts~they are our kids but they are also our friends and we actually enjoy being with them 99.9% of the time!
Ever see the movie "Liar Liar"? I am too much like the actor in the movie that something happened to him and he couldn't lie....(it's been a long time since I saw the movie) I can't lie....I can' say politically correct things.... I can't make "nice talk" or fake talk..... Oh there are times when I wish I could just play the game (whichever game it was at the time) but I can't....I absolutely just can NOT do it! People don't like that..... So please don't ask me my opinion on something if you don't want to know....I won't say the "right " thing. It's not that I'm a "know it all" or at least I hope it is not because of that but it's just because I'm a person who can't fake it. The best I can do is just stay quiet....I try really I do....but I dont' always succeed!
One time I was in a church service, I was in college and there was a very false doctrine going around at the time. The doctrine was that Jesus would come back in the fall of 1988. Well I went to a church with a boyfriend and the only thing that pastor could speak about was this false prophecy but he believed it was truth! Finally one Sunday night the guy was going on and on and on....and he called the author of the book Dr So and So just one time too many and I piped up and ask "And where did he get his doctorate from???" It just came out without my control....LOLOL The pastor sputtered and just went on...I found out he did not appreciate it but come on...obviously the pastor and this guy were wrong!!!
I hate false doctrine in the church! I really hate when folks don't know what they believe or how to explain it. I hate false doctrine that doesn't prepare people for the reality of the sorrows of this life and teaches that God is some big Genie in the sky who will fulfill their wildest dreams. I hate that that doctrine has crept into the Evangelical churches.....it's awful and it causes so many to lose faith when something doesn't work out the way they think it should go! Oh the blogs and stories I've read of folks being hurt by others or by false doctrine and who now not trust God with their lives. In fact so many of them turn away from God 100%. I've seen in happen to dear dear friends who went through hard times and decided since God didn't provide the miracle they wanted the hell with God.... it's so sad and I know, I was there myself at one time. And why do folks get to that point??? Some of it is their own fault but I lay much of the blame at the feet of their pastors.... Our church can tell you we don't whitewash the Christian walk and preach that everything is just going to be hunky dory.... I guess that would be really hard to fake for us.....
So it is almost 3 am and I have probably ticked off everyone who reads this blog but this thought has been rolling around in my empty head for days and just had to come out.....remember this blog was created years ago for me and although you are welcomed to follow I do write what I'm thinking about.... Maybe in some odd way this rant tonight has encouraged you to be real and authentic in your faith. (Although I hate that word authentic more often than not when someone uses it, they are not authentic! LOL) Another new "christian term" I hate is the word "servant/leader...why do I hate that term? Because i have heard it preached/taught and primarily the ones preaching or talking about it seemed more concerned about themselves than being real servants. I find the ones who just "do it" don't have to tell others to do it they show by example! I will never forget one time years ago, Sam was having an issue with his implant and we were down in the South Florida area over the weekend and went to a bigger church and the pastor was throwing that term around....and he had so many "armor bearers" we couldn't get through to get prayer for Sam without almost having a pat down....I kid you NOT!!!! I left with the sickest feeling in the pit of my stomach! "Armor Bearers" really???? Armor bearers are supposed to be helpers, in some churches we'd call them ushers....but most ushers wouldn't be carrying the pastor's bible/coat etc....it was odd....very odd..... The life style around that pastor made me doubt very seriously that he was any type of real servant/leader.
I know by now you are saying "Judge not"....I just "love" (said sarcastically) how that piece of scripture is taken out of context....usually by folks who don't want their sin or lifestyle judged....
There is a balance....in everything.....
