Day 108 Fish OIl Study ~ Prayers needed

 

One of my favorite places...the Lowes Garden Center!

 

Got me some plants to put in the garden...lots of work to be done!

 

 

Selah waiting at the orthopedics's office

 

Well today Selah had an appointment with orthopedics.  I'll call him Dr Hottie!  I never really notice guys and think they are cute...but...as soon as we got back in the van me and the nurse were like "WOW! Selah has a cute doctor!!"  LOL

 

Anyhow Dr Hottie is all business and my kind of doctor!  He is ready to move on things with her.  He will be doing surgery in about 2 weeks to release or lengthen her Achilles heel tendon and to cut the plantar fascitis on her foot.  This will enable her feet/ankles to go back in to a normal position.  She will be able to wear shoes and she will be able to put weight on her feet.   I like doctors who will move on things and get it done!  He said since it has only been 6 months, he expects success with her feet/ankles! 

 

Another thing I liked ....I asked him if the surgery would keep her from walking if she "got a sudden miracle either from God or the fish oil"  and he was so sweet and then answered all my questions by saying "if she gets a miracle" then.....this or that would need to be done...depending on what we were talking about.  He said this would put her in the best spot to walk "if she got a miracle"   I appreciate his kindness and how he considered what I has asked.  I had to fight tears a couple of times....  So a cute and nice and ready to work doctor:)

 

 

I drove her today and it was fine.  She did much better than riding in the ambulance and it boosted my confidence. 

 

For some reason these pictures were on my mind today.....

 

Shad, Selah, Sam and Steve holding Sarah

 

We took the kids to HoneyMoon Island this past summer.  What a fun day it was.....    just thinking about it makes me want to cry....

 

I can be carrying on a conversation but in my mind I'm thinking/praying for Selah.  Today I was talking to someone but my thoughts were of that day at the beach.  Is this it...will she ever recover?  Lately I've been dreaming more and more about her.  A few nights ago I dreamed she had taken her gtube line off and was drinking the pedisure.  I keep having dreams that she has recovered.  But is that just my wishful thinking??  I don't know

 

I do not believe that God is a genie in a bottle or that He does all our bidding for many theological reasons that I don't feel like going into but does He not hear my cries?  Will He not deliver?  Will this be our lot in life?  I know He hears my cries, even when I cry out of my deepest hurt, I feel His nearness....

 

I have dreams for our lives, for my life and this was not one of them!  But, I resolved a long time ago that I would serve God wherever He wanted me to serve.  Right now I know I am to serve God by serving my daughter and my other children. 

 

Last year when we were getting near to our departure for Ukraine, I had a momentarily "FREAK OUT"  I knew what my life was with a handicapped, forever toddler child and I was about to triple that responsibility????  OH MY GOSH, there was a period of a few hours I thought I had lost my ever living mind!  I had to "pray through" that feeling and lay it down at Jesus' feet.  You may think I'm just writing a trite christian saying but I really had to lay down my life anew that day!   See I had just gotten things where I had a little free time, my oldest son was old and responsible enough to babysit some and Shad was responsible for a then 8 year old and Sam was so much healthier and physically able and I was bringing in TWO new children who had all kinds of needs! 

 

So I laid it down, all the fears, all of my selfish thoughts and I told God that even if my life/ministry was going to be serving these three little ones the rest of my life, I was going to do it happily for Him.  And I was happy but afraid of the responsibility...

 

Then we got the girls and got home with them and it was truly all joy!  Of course I knew they would always be with us, probably never ever at a point they could live on their own, just like Sam, but it was just wonderful being their mommy!  It was easy going from 3 kids to 5 kids...people remarked on how peaceful our home was and how I could go out with the little ones by myself.  Just all the things I thought were going to be so hard...weren't at all!  We could not believe how easy things were.  I read other FB posts and blogs of other adoptive parents and couldn't even relate to them.  We did not have one issue, I just felt like Supermom:)

 

Then the accident.....

 

So once again today I had to lay it all down, my thoughts, my fears, my selfish thoughts....I have to be ready to serve as a parent and do it all as onto  God.  Do it as a service to God....I don't do it with a grudge or with resentment, I do it as one who knows there is a God who does listen to our prayers. 

 

So I don't know what is going to happen with Selah...but I adore my sweet little brown eyed girl and I am so thankful she is alive and with us!  When I pray I remind God He just needs to send me back my little Selah, with all her differences...that was what made her MY Selah!  We chose her!  We wanted her just the way she was and still want her just the way she is...but I sure miss the sweet little funny things she used to do.  Some of her sounds, I can't remember anymore....some of her cute little ways are slipping fast from my memory....that makes me so sad!

 

Unless you have gone through something like this or lost a child, because this is much like losing a child, you don't know how this feels.  I had dealt with some hard stuff before this but this "takes the cake"  I handle my emotions most of the time but even when I'm going through my day, my heart is crying even if no one can see it.  No one can help me but God.  No friend can do anything or say the magic word...only God can help me.  He is my strength.  You may not understand that or you may think I'm nuts but He is the only thing getting through this life!  Explaining all of that to someone who doesn't know God would be like telling a blind person what the color green is....  I just don't know how to tell you but I will tell you that God will give you peace in the storms of life.  I feel like I'm in a gigantic hurricane that has lasted for months but yet, there is a corner I can safely go and find the peace of God.  Not false peace, not even the promise that things will turn out the way I want them to, but the peace that passes understanding is what guards my heart....it guards my heart and my mind from probably having a real nervous breakdown.  I guess knowing there is something beyond this life of suffering to hold on to keeps me going!

 

So many folks think God has all kinds of promises in the bible about how this present life is going to be made easy BUT that is not true! (I think you were listening to too many tv preachers!  they are the ones with the false promises)  READ THE BIBLE FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    God has many promises about life in heaven and how He will make all things new on that day and how He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and there will be no more death for the former things will have passed away!!! 

 

But my heart just cries out for Selah to be healed now.  I want to enjoy her and play with her again!   I don't want to wait!  I want to see her smile and hear her giggle.  I want to teach her new things and see her play with her brothers and sister.  I want her to enjoy food (except for rice -she hated rice)   I want her to watch herself in the mirror after I dress her in a pretty outfit!  I want to see her playing in her pink car and on the swing set!  I want to see her sleeping in her bed, not on a hospital bed, oh you have no idea how much I want those things!  ~   Please pray for her.....keep lifting her name up to the Father.....I don't stop, some morning I wake up praying and most nights I pray myself to sleep.  That doesn't mean I"m some spiritual giant, lol not me!  But my heart cries out.....all the time! 

 

So please join me in prayer for Selah. 

 

 

 

Day 107 Fish Oil Study

 

 

Selah had a good day outside and did lots of work today.  Her nurse did range of motion with her and really worked her!

 

This was a Christmas present from Bell Shoals Baptist Church to me!  I am loving it!  Tonight I made Baked beans, Hot cheese very spicy and turkey meatballs in it!  YUM!  Everyone was very full and happy!  I love this crock pot!

 

 

This is the spider I saved my family from today LOL!  I caught him/her and took him/her out to my garden.  Spiders are great in gardens:)  I did not kill him/her!

 

Good day for Selah which means a good day for me.  I did alot of paperwork for us and the church (finally-after months!)  The kids did good.  Steve worked faithfully on his schoolwork and his Russian!  Today was the first day for him to work on  the Rosetta Stone computer class.  He took it very serious.  Home schools and private schools often use Rosetta Stone for some of their foreign language classes.  He also climbed up in the church attic to learn how to flip the switch on the A/C...do NOT ask WHY it is in the attic of all places.....

 

I did get an email from Selah's doctor in NY and after reviewing the MRI done in Jacksonville, they are just not sure that there has been any change in the brain.  It's hard to compare as the machines are different kinds...:(  I was afraid of that.....  I can't focus much on it right now......

 

Just please keep praying for our sweet Selah!

 

So for my central Florida friends....we have a real issue with the septic tank at the church and possibly at our house also.  Does anyone have a contact that could help us out for a very low price or even for free????  If you have a contact will you contact that person or business and then contact me at theclanton5@aol.com  if they would like to help???  The septic system is very old and not even a tank and we have some issues!!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!  We're just not even sure we can get the lid off without some real muscles! 

 

Another friend is adopting and the adoption is moving so quickly...her is her blog  http://myianna.blogspot.com/2013/02/spring-family-fundraiser.html

 

She has an amazing fund raiser going on with beautiful pictures....You can donate or you can pick one of the pictures or gifts to buy and it all goes for her adoption!!!!!!!

Day 106 FOS~ SALLY HAS A FAMILY!!!!

So much good news today I don't know where to start!

I saw that "Sally" has a family!!!  You can click on this link http://gracehavenhome.com/?p=639
and see the news yourself!  There is a link there so you can give...they call her Patricia...  Her real name is not allowed to be revealed by her country.  I called her Sally in my mind and heart because I LOVE that name and it is a S name and I thought if we were ever able to adopt her maybe my husband would let me call her that (he wasn't too sold on the idea LOL)  

The way this works is the ministry Grace Haven holds the grant for the child until the family is ready to go get her.  Reece's Rainbow works the same way.  If by any chance the family couldn't go, the grant stays with the child in hopes that it will encourage another family to step up since the cost of adoption is what holds many people back. (Even tho it shouldn't!) 

So you know what I'm going to ask...... Please give towards Patrica/Sally's grant!!!!!!!!  If you can't give but a dollar, give that dollar and it will help!  I will be asking for help for this child until she reaches her full grant which I think is $20,000.  She has some on the grant now, not sure exactly how much but we have a ways to go. 

But you see, I've held this little girl, I've looked into her eyes I KNOW she needs a family!  She absolutely captured my heart the minute I saw her.  This child isn't a unknown to me....nor is she unknown to God in heaven above. 

If you want to do something that will absolutely change her life....GIVE....to her ransom....

The last time I saw her I asked the caretakers for her and they went and got her out of bed.  It was the middle of the day and she was very sleepy it made me suspicious to be honest.  All I could do was  to touch her as she laid her head on a care giver's shoulder and I made a promise right then and there in that hallway  to try and help her.  I had hoped we might adopt her but since the accident, that is unrealistic for us.  So I've prayed that someone would come forward and now someone has!  I am so thankful...you really have no idea! 

So please if you can help please do!  If you'd like to do a fund raiser that would be great too!  ANYTHING to help her get home would be wonderful!!!!!!!!

Btw I loved all the comments on my last post!!!!   THANK YOU for understanding what I was sharing and concerned about!   I'd like to respond to each of them but my internet is giving me a run for my money tonight!

Maybe you can repost my blog on FB so others can see Patrica/Sally and hopefully give to her!!!!!!


Today was a great day for Selah!  Our day nurse is so motivated to work with her!  What a blessing she is!  The nurse encouraged me because since Selah's last hospitalization, she again regressed.  But our nurse is setting small goals for her.  Today was working on her holding her head up.  At the point this picture was taken she was about at 20 minutes.  We did put a pillow to give her some support after the first few minutes but she did a fine job on her own!  We even saw her swallow 3x while we were working with her.  I am so thankful for the support of good nurses!   It encouraged me once again to start looking for the "baby steps" that will lead to big milestones!!!   We prayed for good folks to work with and love Selah....thank God we have nurses like that!

 

 

 



 

The whole family at church on Sunday

 

 

Day 105 Fish Oil Study

Selah went to church this morning and has had a great day.  She is stable and doing fine.  We are so thankful that she hasn't had any new issues.  I took some great pictures but I"m having issues downloading the pictures! 


Last night watching tv I saw a commercial for abused animals.  Now anyone that knows me knows I love animals.  I have personally rescued about 200 ladybugs from my house and our church, I stop for turtles and get them off the road, I drive around snakes....I rescue cats and dogs BUT....BUT....  I also do not put animals above people.  Watching that commerical made me think of the FACT that there are human beings in situations much worse than some of those animals.  OH MY GOD, I have seen orphanages and I know what I'm talking about.  I've heard first hand from others who have seen far worse things than I have seen....  Isn't a human worth more than a dog?   I think of my Shad in an orphanage so cold that I could see my breath when I went to pick him up.  A boy so malnourished that he cried and threw a fit when we'd leave the restaurant in the hotel.  A child that acted like a trip to the grocery store was better than going to Toys R Us any day!  A child that would store food in his cheeks for months after we came home so he wouldn't run out of food!  I think of my Sarah with a flat head from being kept tied down to a bed with 3 leather straps, a child that is just learning to walk at 6 years old...WHY?  Was it because she didn't have therapy or there was something wrong with her?  No there is nothing wrong with her except she wasn't allowed to make her developmental milestones.  So in the 9 months we've had her, she has learned how to stand, holding on to things, and now is starting to let go, she has learned how to crawl!  And this is without her being in therapy at all or me really working with her, just allowing her space to move around and be free and she has figured it all out herself despite being blind and delayed!  She was a child who weighed 23 pounds at 5.5 years old when we got to the American Embassy doctors for her check up, we're sure she'd gained weight with us the few days she was with us.  did she have something "wrong" with her?  No she just plain out wasn't fed enough.  Selah has just learning to walk at 7 years old when we picked her up, she was also malnourished and had zero Vit D in her system.  Selah who played with strings all day long...was she delayed, yes but once we got her home, she begin to play with toys and understand what they were for.  A little girl with teeth so bad that we had to have 8 pulled and 6 filled.....

That's what ought to tug at our heart strings, that is what ought to keep us awake at night...that is what should bring us to tears......

As Christians we should be "shouting from the roof tops" about this!  We should have our churches mobilized to do something....but sadly enough we don't care....  It's so much more fun to go to some new "revival" or hear some great preacher tickle our ears and tell us how we are "the King's Kids" and how we can have a wonderful life with all our wants and desires met....It's so much easier and fun to buy that new CD or go to the coolest new christian concert....  It's much easier to go and rescue a dog from the pound than to adopt a child....  it's much easier not to think about the plight of unknown children and disabled adults....  What do you think would have been Shad's, Sarah or Selah's future had they not been adopted?  Shad would have had it the easiest but in his culture, not having a family would have forced him into menial jobs, no education....  Sarah and Selah would have died in institutions, that's the bottom line. 

Obviously every child in distress can't be adopted and not everyone qualifies to adopt but if you are a believer you can do something whether it is to consistently pray, to give, or to adopt ....

I believe in adoption, I bacially was adopted by a relative and I"m thankful for her, she saved my life, no doubt.  Children in America need to be adopted, I will never say that they do not....but as I"ve said before, we do have a social care system that may not be perfect, it is not like other countries I've been to.  Yes sometimes it fails in America but when it does, generally someone goes to prison...not so in many other countries.   It is no big deal there...things are so different.  I do take into account life is harder and even the workers do not have all they need to get by but it is still hard to believe how bad things can be for children, for "the least of these" 

That commerical last night just turned my stomach, we need to have our priorities straight!

I bet most of you reading spend more on your cats/dogs/animals than you do on orphan ministry.  I do take care of my pets but I also don't go crazy and treat them like they are human.

This is another post that I'll probably not get too many comments on.  I appreciate all the comments I get on Selah and we do feel the love, please don't get me wrong but a year ago she also was an orphan that no one card about....we had just learned of her existence, there was never any picture of her on the internet or anywhere, it's a miracle we heard of her!  Just so you know there are about 147 million more Selah's out there....  So many children are alone tonight... many that  are adoptable...for others and for disabled adults you can get involved in some type of ministry to try and help the ones not adoptable....

Remember one day we will stand before God for how we treated "the least of these"

Day 104 fish Oil Study! She is awake:)

After sleeping almost 48 hours she finally woke up this afternoon.  She seems really content her vitals are pretty better than mine or yours!  She is still tight especially in her legs but she is getting better. 

I took this picture after her bath in her new bath chair (thanks again Andrea!)  She certainly woke up for that and was not at all happy with us:)  but she is nice and clean and it really was so much easier and quicker!  She feel back asleep but then she finally woke up.  We had her up in her green bean bag chair all afternoon and she did great with head control even being sleepy:)

 

Our boys had a good time at their friends house last night and Shad went to a Valentine Dance at their school.  I want to see some pictures of Shad man "cutting the rug"  I was told he was the celebrity of the dance:)  We met up with them at the mall today and finally finally finally Jon got a new pair of running shoes.  He lost his shoes in the accident (along with his glasses) and we just have not made the time to go and get a pair of good shoes for him till today.  He did get the glasses a few weeks after the accident!  At least we didn't wait that long for the glasses!!! 

 

I was going to really clean our church tonight and then the toilet overflowed all over the ladies bathroom....and it's cold....I'm not a happy camper!  We got out as much water as we can without a shopvac so we'll do the rest tomorrow morning early! 

 

BTW snow flurries are expected tonight in the county right above us!  BRRR!  How's that for some global warming?  LOL  So you can imagine it is pretty cold here.  I'm glad I didn't put in my garden yet.

 

 

Selah has some doctor's appointments coming up and I've decided to drive her myself rather than her being taken by ambulance.  I had thought it was safer than me driving and the nurse sitting with her in the back.  God forbid she had an issue.....but she seems to HATE the ambulances so bad and gets so stressed out.  I'm a bit stressed at driving her myself but it will be better for her.  If you think I'm being a ninny...just think if you were driving your child and she had an issue with her breathing - a real issue since she has a trach and you are stuck in traffic on I-75 at 5 pm....scary stuff but if the ambulance freaks her out so much, I think in the long run it would be better and exposing her to less germs if I just drive her.  This is one of those things you Haw to play by ear I guess. 

 

So keep us in prayer and please always remember to pray that God would heal our Selah. 

 

Day 103 Fish Oil Study ~ 6 months ago....

Today was six months since our nightmare started.  I've lived it and yet it is still unreal to me.  There are days when I wake up not thinking about it and then it hits me in the stomach like a fist.  How could this actually happen to us?  Looking away 4 seconds...4 seconds and our lives are changed forever...how fast something awful can happen!  It's still too much to comprehend.

Selah had PT come in with the wheelchair person and she had a custom ordered wheelchair ordered for her.  It will fit her and be more comfy than the loaner she has now.  This afternoon she had a massage session with the therapist I go to.  She came to our home to do it.  Selah basically has slept through everything!  She was exhausted.  Her stats have been perfect and the nurse just feels she needs to catch up on her sleep.  She is comfortable.  Her upper body is relaxed but her knees and ankles are just awful!  They are so tight.  She really reacts to stress by tightening up.  The PT and the nurse have seen her so relaxed, actually the PT said she got a 45% range of motion on her knees at her evaluation.  Today she had no ROM whatsoever, just like in Jax at the rehab!!   I have to say the sleepiness has worried me but the nurse thinks it is really good for her. 

For the first time since the accident. I'm allowing the boys to spend the night over at one of my BFF's house.  She also has 5 kids and my boys each have a friend there.  She didn't know this was their first time away since the accident so she has promised to sit up tonight with a fire extinguisher and the phone in one hand while her husband mans the guns !  LOLOL!  I've always been a protective mom but since the accident, let's just kindly say that protectiveness went into over drive!!!!!

Several folks have asked about my neck and it is worse than ever, I now get spasms down it.  I've tried massage and it does help but it doesn't last.  I guess I'm going to have to try and go to a doctor next week about it.  I don't even know where to start and NO chiropractors for me!  This morning was the worst ever! 

So today has been a quiet day, Selah sleeping, the boys gone...oh I wish we could go back 6 months and change things....I wish that with all my heart!

Please pray for Selah!!!!!!

Day 102 Fish Oil Study ~ Happy Valentine's Day

It's 10:30 pm and I'm sitting here waiting for the ambulance to deliver Selah home:)   What a busy day we left the hospital about 6ish "right" before the ambulance was leaving....well.....  it didn't get there until 10 pm!  She is doing great and finally had a diagnosis.  of some sort of something in her poop.  And they do think that she had a cut in her stomach either from all the moving of the gtube or from all the heaving when she threw up.  Anyhow she has responded well and they feel everything is under control.  Whatever she was diagnosed with could have been in her system for a long time.  It was nothing I'd ever heard of before and can't remember what it was.  She will be on antibiotics for a couple of weeks and she has been changed from Xantac to Prevacite.

Finally got Steve and Shad to the dentist!  Steve had to have major work done on his braces and now has bands.  Shad had to have a tooth pulled!  Thankfully it was a baby tooth!

I have lots of thoughts about Valentine's Day...but I'm almost too tired to share them LOL

I'm not a roses and card type of girl.  To me that is such a waste...buy me a few plants for my garden and take me out to eat and I'm happy.  I certainly don't need jewelry or diamonds....that just doesn't appeal to me!  I'd be too worried about losing it or having a kid grab it and break it!  I'd slap someone if they bought me a fur coat....  I guess I'm pretty simple.  Today my husband got up early worked from 8 am to 10 pm to make up the hours he'd used when he stayed in the hospital with Selah Monday and Tues to give me a break....  To me that speaks LOVE.....  No we didn't go out to eat I did have Chinese pick up waiting for him when he got home.  We didnt' get each other cards we haven't had the time to even go to the store these past week.  We'll go out sometime this weekend to eat (maybe-and probably with the kids)  We're not going to have a "romantic night" no we have 2 nurses here and a daughter just being released from the hospital)  But this is real LOVE....not the kind you see in Hollywood or really even the kind you think about as a young person but it is LOVE.

Love is not picture perfect, it is real life, where the "rubber meets the road"  It is commitment when you might feel like running away 

I've learned what LOVE is....it took me a few years but I'm thankful I have a real LOVE in my life and I wish the same for you.  See I watch my husband giving eye drops to Sam or changing Sarah or staying up all night in the ER with Selah and I know that is a committed LOVE.  He ain't with me because of  just from what he gets out of the relationship.  And I know he'll be there for me if I need him.   I thank God for that kind of love in my life. 

I'm not a "hottie" but every now and then when I'm alone (LOL) in public I get hit on....I'm not alone much in public but I've laughed right in guys' faces when they hit on me.  Once I was waiting for our pizza order at a Hungry Howie's a guy asked me "Are you looking for a bad boy?"  After I finished laughing  in his face I told him "no I have THREE of them waiting for me at home"  I also told him that he needed to look at the left hand to see if a woman had a ring on before he asked dumb questions like that at a Hungry Howie's LOL!  I also told him he needed to get right with God and he told me he went to church I said "probably not often enough!"   

My point in telling you this story(besides a good laugh)  is to just let you know that if you are single, don't settle for a cheap pick up line or for someone who just has a relationship with you to meet their needs.  find a good man or woman who has real love to share freely with you with NO games involved!  I've dated game players and I don't know about you but that got old quick!  If you are in a relationship that you can not trust the person or his/her motives.....RUN away as fast you can!    Having lived to be in my late 40's I've learned alot and seen so many people have heartaches that could have been avoided.  I could have avoided some heart aches in my life but I was stupid....

So Happy Valentine's Day to y'all!  I hope and pray that you have or will have a true love who will be with you in thick and thin!  Don't settle for less!

Well since I started this night's blog, Selah arrived very upset but I held her and cuddled with her for awhile and she calmed down.  Sometimes holding her completely is too much for her so I knelt by the bed and cuddled her head and talked to her.  She calmed down immediately!  Her heart rate dropped to the 100's )now in the 80-90's since she is asleep  and her blood pressure went from crazy high 163/89 to a normal 115/72.   She was given her meds during the time I was holding her but they don't work that fast:) 

So on this nice rainy night I'm thankful that all the Clantons (ans a nurse) are under the same roof tonight!