Selah's Home:) ----- One year anniversary of meeting the girls!

We're all under one roof tonight.  Selah was released today.  She also got her casts off and her feet/ankles/legs look normal!!!!!!  They had turned in since the accident and her toes pointed downward.  LOVE the way she responded to the surgery.  The doctor feels like she will be fine, wearing the braces AFOs and will maintain her new look.  The AFO's are nice and very small.  I will take pictures tomorrow.

I am beyond exhausted tonight.  I got my 5 laps in this morning at "the Mountain" worked a little bit on the garden and then was at the hospital all day...with the KIDS!  No actually everyone was great.  On the way there it was storming and the interstate had construction....pretty awful driving conditions...that totally stresses me....

We got Selah home and set back up without a nurse.....that was also stressful to me.  When a child is in home health care and then goes in patient, it is a big deal to register them back home...nothing was in place so they won't do it till tomorrow.  That was all I needed.  It's one thing to take care of her at night but it is another to make sure all the machines work and everything is set up right.  We got it done but was very stressful to me. I had to pick up some things at Walmart including a new BP machine I had ordered on line.  Everything took so long.   Then I had to go get her meds...can you believe the pharmacy didn't give us the box?  I picked up her and Sam's monthly meds along with her new prescription then it wasn't in the bag when I got home!  UGH!!!  Jon had to go back to get it.  So I'm tired...I hope I make sense tonight.

BTW, Selah is doing great, her heart rate is in the 80's and she is sleeping away:) 

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Well today was our one year anniversary of meeting the girls....what a day that was....

We rode all night on the train from hell....no shower, I woke up around 5 am and watched the countryside thinking that THIS was where my girls were from.    Our facilitator got up about 6 am and told us to get our things together because when the train stopped for us we had to jump off.  Well 4 people and a ton of luggage just dont' quite jump off LOL   We got dropped off in a small town with dusty streets.  A tough guy had an old 1970 Russian Military Van waiting for us.....we headed off down dirt roads with NOTHING around for miles.  We went around holes in the "road" that you could drive a truck in....I was FREAKING out in my mind by this point.  I was pretty sure we had brought our kids out to the middle of nowhere to die!!!!!

in the van

 

scenery

 

 

 

our van for our time in Ukraine

 

 

So then we drive for about an hour or so and come into town the back way and see our apartment....

 

our apartment building

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is where we are supposed to drop the boys off and then Jon & me go to the orphanage....I was about to FREAK...LOL  I didn't say anything but I gave Jon a "look" that said "there aint NO way"...  well our dear facilitator caught on and assured me it would be better inside...it was.....

 

 

 

Steve thought it was a drinking fountain...LOL  Just kidding...

 

 

 

So we dropped the boys off (these pictures were taken much later)  and off we went to a government office to get more permission and to bring some government officials with us for our first meeting.  ....

 

We were just kinda being led by the hand at this point, not knowing what to expect next.....

 

 

 

Downtown Torez Ukraine

 

so we picked up the officials and headed off to the orphanage....

 

We met with the director and gave him some gifts.  We were nervous to meet him as we had heard so many different things about him.  there had been newspaper articles and tv shows done on the mental instuiton that were awful.  We didn't know what to think of him.  He showed us nothing but courtesy and an open door.  He made our adoption easy and gave us free rein at the institution.  Yes it was poor, not the conditions were NOT what we'd expect in America...but as you can see from the pictures, everything was poor...

 

 

So as we made "nice" and did more paperwork...my heart was in my throat knowing that the girls were near...  FINALLY we were taken outside and towards this building....  See the area with green on the top floor?  That was the only "outside " place for the children.  Sarah's room ws the first window by the porch.

 

 

At this point, my legs were shaking so bad, I could hardly walk.  We had an group of maybe 15 people by this time counting all the "older girls"  the adult disabled girls who lived there)  I was hoping no one could see how nervous I was.

 

I'm not a BIG people person...what I mean is actors, stars, celebrities...really do not mean much to me.  The only one I'd loved to have met was Steve Irwin (Croc Hunter)  I'm not impressed by Christan celebrities either (I've met a few of them and I'd rather have met Steve Irwin's crocodiles LOL)  BUT meeting the girls...was so much more important to me than any star in the world!!!

 

So we walked into the building and up some stairs and into a alcove where the girls were!!!  Sarah was in a wheelchair and Selah was standing... my heart just stopped....the tears fell...here they were ...at last...our daughters....

 

 

 

 

I had to be touching both of them at once

 

Sarah started rolling...

my Sarah....

 

what emotions...ONLY if you have taken such a walk, inside an orphanage, can you know how it feels..it is amazing to finally see that little person you fought so hard to get to....

 

 

 

 

 

We were all over the floor with the girls.  I don't think that is normal for the workers to see. 

 

Then the main official government lady asked us if we'd accept them.  I let Jon answer...and he said YES!

 

Then the paperwork began for our court appointment .....

 

 

I have to say we were concerned that day about Selah.  She was very agaited and couldn't look us in the eye.  She was picking little tiny things off the floor and putting them in her mouth.  At one point she fell over Sarah and didn't even seem to notice she was there.  There was alot of people walking around and that seemed to bother her.  Neither of us had seen behavior like she exhibited.  She wasn't aggressive just very different.  I started thinking about various diagnosis to try and figure out what was going on with her.  That day I thought of autism but she certainly wasn't like a classic case of it.  We came to find out that she had institutional autism.  That certainly answered our questions...

 

We did have some concerns, that although she was not aggressive, she was just very out of reality acting and we did not know how she'd treat Sarah or Sam, with them being blind/visionally impaired and not being able to protect themselves or get out of her way.    We had some fears but we felt like we could deal with whatever we had to to help Selah.  We came to find out that love made a HUGE change, even before we left the insituion...much less ever got home with her.

 

Sarah on the other hand was so very weak she could barely hold her head up.  We were terrified she'd die before we got through the whole court experience....

 

We left our short meeting in love with both girls but with alot to think about.....we knew there would be challenges but we were committed.

 

Turns out for Selah and Sarah all they needed was love and a family.  Of course they had delays and physical issues that will never go away BUT all the things we worried about...never came to be.  With Selah we worried about the emotional/psychological issues...within days we saw changes...no she would never be "normal" but she was certainly someone we could work with and love.  With Sarah, as soon as we started visiting, her will to live came back.  We honestly think she had lost her will to live.  She was so lifeless and weak but in just days she was starting to sit herself up and pay attention to us.  Now....she is a mess:)  She never had a real emotion issue.  Everyone comments on how bonded she is with us and it happened so easily...

 

Adopting two "older girls"  Sarah was 5 and and Selah 7 at the time of the adoption...was a big step...and then adopting them NOT from an orphanage BUT rather from a notorious mental institution.....that was very scary....but it was not like some "experts" would say it would be.    Maybe having Sam and adjusting to his delays/vision impairment...has made it easier for us to accept the girls where they were at and we had no real expectations of them.  We didn't know how things would be...but they turned out so good...

 

I've never been happier in my whole life as I was those 14 weeks we had with them at home before the accident....I thought the other day, if I never see Selah healed, at least I had that time that she knew she was loved and she was opening up like a flower to us.  Everyday we saw new changes in her and saw her little heart reaching out and having a family....  she still has us and our love.  We don't know what she understands, but we will do all we can do the rest of our lives to give her the BEST life possible.  I believe she knows she is loved still and she reacts to us.  Tonight it is a blessing to see her sleeping soundly in her clean bed.  I just checked on her and her heart rate is in the low 80's which is perfect and she looks so at peace. 

 

We hate that the accident happen.  Believe me, we all still beat ourselves up with the "If onlys...."  it's never far from our minds.  We try not to focus on it but just the other night Jon started talking about it...rehashing it...

 

But unfortunately accidents happen every day in our fallen world.  My mother in law was killed in a car accident that was her fault, she turned in front of a dump truck....  I remeind my husband that we don't hold the accident against his mom...we know she certainly  didn't mean for it to happen to herself!  In the same way, we have to look at the kids' accident.  It's the only way we can get through it. 

 

We promised the judge in court that we would forever love the girls and be a REAL family to them.  That promise has never changed, in fact it is stronger now than ever.  Our whole life has revolved around our children anyhow but now even more so for Selah.  She will never be alone or neglected. 

 

And thanks to all of you....she has many people who know her name and are praying for her DAILY!  Thank you for caring about our children and espicially for all the prayers for Selah! 

 

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One year later

 

 

this morning leaving to go get Selah:)

 

 

Selah dressed in her new outfit and her AFOs waiting to go home

Steve surrounded by little people:)

 

Good update on Selah ---Museum trip - Train ride!

Great news on Selah, she is totally responding to the antibiotic.  Her culture grew out a bacteria today and thankfully the doctor had already guessed the right antibiotic to put her on:)  So she is really doing great!  Looks like she maybe able to come home tomorrow:)  She has been sleeping alot, like me, making up for the past few days.  Her heart rate is back in the 90's thank God! 

We were leaving to go over today and "someone" lost my keys....I won't "out" the person on here.  I was pretty upset.  Thought about calling Jon but it's hard and a big deal for him to leave the prison, so I went ahead and put Sam down for a nap (he was at his crib crying to get in- I have such odd children)  and I had started supper when the keys were found....  I hate to miss seeing her today but by that time it was almost 5 pm...so we'll go in the morning and bring her home:)  I spoke to her sweet nurse and she said she was sleeping again anyhow.  Selah was literally awake for 3 days.  I doubt she got as much sleep as I did which was nothing.....


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A year ago today we got up rather early and went and got our REFERRALS!  I can't believe I didn't take a picture of them!  I was thrilled that they were in my hands!  I knew then the girls were ours!!

Since we got an early start our facilitator had time to take us to a WWII museum.  Our whole family finds WWII interesting.  It was awesome to be in a country with so much history from that time period, although most of the history was very sad.

We took the bus to the museum.  That was an experience in and of itself. 

 

Look at what is behind Steve's head....Dominoes Pizza!

Jon and George discussing history

 

Lots of steps....Sam began walking steps in Ukraine:)

 

 

 

 

the entrance way is lined with those stone statues

 

Huge statue  We went up in it.

It was cold on the top of the hill

 

I've always found the Nazis interesting NOT that I think they were good, but just how ruthless they were!  they were really hell bent on taking over the world

 

 

 

In the statue

 

George and our guide for the museum and Jon

 

 

symbol of peace

This was the KGB headquarters.....

 

 

The museum was very interesting.  I learned how Kiev was practically destroyed by the Nazis.  There were many stories of horrific killings including one of a whole orphanage that was killed outside of town.  One room had various pictures and a machine that was used for beheading.....very sobering.  i could not bring myself to take pictures in that room and fought tears....

 

Ukraine is very proud of their fight against the Nazis.  It was made mentioned to us several times by various people that we all fought on the same side of WWII.  Unfortunately there was no freedom for Ukraine following the war....

 

 

After we left the museum we went back to our apartment and got ready for the "train ride"...Oh the stories I had heard of "the train ride"...yep it was all pretty much true and rough!

 

We got to the train station, our tickets were already bought.  We had an hour or so wait so we went into the McDonald's.  (I didn't know that was going to be where the girls would first taste McDs on our return trip!)  We ended up running to the right train and compartment.  We had a ton of luggage, the wheelchair (nothing is handicapped accessible there) and Sam to carry.  I was sweating by the time we got to the train! 

 

 

Jon once we got settled

 

This is what Steve really thought!

 

 

 

Me and my little buddy who was a MESS all night on the train!  the kid who sleeps like a rock was all discobulated on the train going...

 

Not quite the Orient Express!

 

I won't lie the train ride was not easy. It was hot (why is it all these cold places think the heat has to be 100 degrees in side)  it was loud, the bathroom.....well it was rough....

 

BUT we were just 14 hours from meeting our girls!!!!!!!  It was the home stretch!

 

So we rode all night long.....I woke up for good around 5 am, and watched the countryside.  I loved seeing so much of Ukraine.  I hated not being able to take a shower or even brush my teeth but that's just how it was.  We'd meet the girls in the clothes we'd worn all day the day before and all night....  by the time we got to them, it did not matter to me anymore!

 

Tomorrow will be one year since the day we met our girls.  I can hardly believe it...what a year it has been!  Out of this past year, we've spent 30 weeks of it away from home if you combine the Ukraine trip and all the time from the accident....More than half the year away from home....

 

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My biggest question has been "why did God let us get Selah knowing what lay ahead?"  Everything fell into place so quickly to get her, it just seemed ordained for her to be our daughter also.  The adoption and time in Ukraine went so well.  Obviously it was different than being home but I truly loved every minute and really wasn't ready to leave when it was time to go.  Selah's adjustment could not have gone smoother for a child with as many developmental delays and institutional autism.  She was such an easy child, different than Sarah but easy in her own way.  We were so happy.  I can't adequately describe how thrilled we were with the girls and the whole adoption process.  It was like a dream SO MUCH EASIER than Shad's.  I had anticipated many issues that never ever came up with the girls.  I was actually in one of "those fb groups"  you know the kind, that someone adds you to...and it was a post adoption group....  I got so annoyed with the moms in there because I felt like all they did was complain.  I left the group ( and of course you know I had to tell them how I felt before I left LOL)  I couldn't even relate to them.  Not that I thought we were such great parents...I just was so happy and content with the girls I didn't even like the negativity I read in the group.   I felt like the others should remember how hard they worked to get their kids home from the various countries and quit whining! 

 

Anyhow it's hard for me to wrap my mind around the whole situation still.  Somehow I still believe that our princess's story is not over....this can't be the ending....she will have a miracle.  Everything was so like a beautiful dream.

 

Please pray that for her....

 

 

Selah update....DAP appointment

Selah had a much better night in the hospital although her heart rate stayed around 120 which is high.  she was able to sleep thank God as was I!!!  Last night's sleep was WONDERFUL!  I will never take sleep for granted again!

The doctor didn't make rounds until late this afternoon.  I was home, with the kids trying to figure out what to do.  I was afraid they'd send her home and I felt like there was something going on with her.  Well they got back more of her tests and she is growing a bacteria!  Thank God....I'm thankful there is a REASON for all of this.  My fear was the meds were no longer helping her.  See she takes medicine for her blood pressure and heart rate not because there is anything wrong with her heart but because her brain was damaged in the area that regulates those things.  So the worse case scenario was that the meds were not working.  So now she is on an IV antibiotic until more of the bacteria grows and they can tell exactly which antibiotic she needs.  Right now she is on a broad base antibiotic.  The doctor said her body has fought very well on its own so far.  For a child who is as compromised as she is, she has done very well.  She probably won't come home until Thursday at this point but she should be on the road to recovery by then. 

So please keep our girl in prayer....

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So a year ago today was our DAP appointment...the appointment we waited for so long....

We got up early, was picked up by our driver, and took to the even older section of town.  We got out on the old cobble streets my heels got stuck in the road.  I hung on to Jon's arm as we walked around the construction of the government building.  We walked into the most nondescript small door, into a small old hallway.  There were a few other families there waiting also.  Most I knew from our on line chatting.  We were all excited, a bit nervous..we didn't know what we'd be asked in the appointment.  Our name was called and we went up the stairs to a dingy little waiting area and into a crowded office.  We were given their files and saw their baby pictures that were passed to us and it was indicated for Jon to put them in his jacket...(talk about feeling like we were in a spy novel)  We really weren't asked any questions, just told to come back on Tuesday (the next day) to pick up the referrals (that are typed on thick paper and sewed by hand-remember this is official paperwork) 

 

the church behind the government building

 

view of Kiev it's set on 7 hills.  I love Ukraine!

 

Jon and me:)

 

statue outside building

we bought this hat for Steve

 

inside...we look chubby all bundled up LOL

downtown

 

 

 

 

 

We were so very happy to have that appointment behind us.  Now we knew the paperwork was being prepared for us and that the girls were 100% available for international adoption.  Also while we were in the appointment, a call was made to the institution to ensure they were there and alive....

We were scheduled to come back on Tuesday afternoon ( the next day) for our paperwork.  Our facilitator was planning on taking us to a WWII museum that morning, we'd get our paperwork and then jump on the train to head out to our girls!  What an exciting time....


I almost forgot to add their baby pictures.  Sarah had more....

 

Sarah as a newborn....

 

 

At the baby house where she could stand up against the wall like she does now.  When we got to her, she couldn't hold her head up and only could roll on the floor

Standing at the baby house

 

Selah when she came into the system, around 2 years old

 

 

My little girls...wish I could have had them from their birth....

Hospital and more of our story

Last night was the worst yet.  Selah couldn't keep her heart rate below 130 and her alarms went off all night long.  She had to be suctioned over & over.  I again had to give her an extra dose of her blood pressure medicine because she got crazy high...it was awful.  This morning she had an appointment to have her casts taken off at the medical center within the hospital.  I decided to get the casts off and then just take her to the ER.  As I was in the shower the nurse started yelling.  I jumped out with conditioner in my hair and didn't even dry off as I grabbed my robe.  Selah had started throwing up which can be very dangerous for a person with a trach. I called 911 and she was transported to the hospital.  Thankfully Jon was dressed and ready to go to work so he could just go with her!  I looked a SIGHT I'm sure to the EMT guys with conditioner in my hair! 

They have ran all kinds of tests and we've gotten no answers but her heart rate is high still.  She has been admitted for further testing and observation.  I'm thinking that she has a bit of a tummy virus and that's what has had her all out of whack but it's been going on since last Tuesday! 

I'm very sad and wish she didn't have to go through all of this.  It is extremely hard for us to know something is wrong and not know how to help her.  Her sweet day nurse went with her and has been with her all day.  Thank God for her.  She can answer things as well as I can and she is a good fighter too:) 

PLEASE pray for her!


More reflections on our trip.....

Today a year ago was Sunday and we were determined to go to church.  Let me tell you it was quite the job to get there!  We had gotten in to Kiev around 4pm their time on Saturday and hadn't slept for a day and a half.  So to get us up and going and to find a taxi driver who could find the church....wow...it was something else!  We were as far away as we could have been in the city too of course!  We attended the International Christian Assembly, pastored by an Assembly of God pastor (our background)  He had a special speaker who taught on Creationism and it was one of the most interesting teachings I'd heard.  The speaker was very learned, with a PhD.  Our oldest son sat on the edge of his seat listening.  It was well worth the time and expense to go! 

Sam and Steve at church

Steve on our balcony with a tiny bit of snow falling

Then we took another taxi back (quite an experience) and stopped at a McDonald's!  We got back and our facilitator came over to meet us.  We were already friends on the Internet and he had walked us through the heart ache of losing the one little boy we'd hoped to adopt and he led us to Selah...so we had a bond already.  It was wonderful to meet him face to face and connect with his sweet spirit.  George formerly worked in the Ministry of Propaganda under the former Soviet Russia...now he helped families connect with their new children:)   We met many former communists and even a few former KGB folks...it was very interesting. 

That night Steve and I walked around in the COLD, trying to find something we'd like to eat.  he & I are extremely picky.  We got some pizza but it tasted sweet...yuck!  but it was neat to walk around in the old section of town.  I tend not to be afraid to go places, even at night..

We did laundry after figuring out the washer but NO dryers anywheres in Ukraine! 
We were so excited the next morning we were to be at the DAP at 10 am to have our interviews and get our referrals on the girls...Up until the point you have the interview and the referral is in your hand there is NO way to "hold" a child.  Some folks have very little info about their children and don't even know their status or where the child is located up till that point.  We had more info than most.  But we were still nervous.  I was actually afraid someone would have an earlier appointment and get the girls referrals for themselves.  Thankfully our facilitator checked on them on Friday so we knew all was well.  I just had a few more hours to wait.....


Well I can say that a year ago today I'd never would have dreamed where we'd be at now....  I worried more about Sarah since she was so obviously small and weak.  Selah was "the strong one"  Now it all seems reversed.

Please please pray for our little girl.  I'm relieved that she is in a good hospital and I believe they will get to the bottom of this.  I am beyond exhausted as we haven't really gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at a time since Thursday night.  I can not believe I am still on my feet.  Since I was home, I cleaned the house from top to bottom, mopped, vacuumed, cleaned her room completely washed everything....that's what I do when someone is sick.  I at least have a clean house and I am so looking forward to sleeping tonight!   BTW, Steve and Shad really helped out too!!!