"After you have suffered for a little while"

"After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

"May your whole life be so settled and established that all the blasts of hell and all the storms of earth will never be able to to remove you. But notice how this blessing of being 'established in your faith' ...(Colossians 2:7) is gained. The apostle's words point us to suffering as the means employed: 'After you have suffered for a little while.' It is of no use to hope that we will be well rooted if no rough winds pass over us. All those old gnarlings on the root of the oak tree and those strange twistings of the branches tell of the many storms that have swept over it, and they are also indicators of the depth into which the roots have forced their way. So the Christian is made strong and firmly rooted by all the trials and storms of life. Do not shrink, then, from the tempestuous winds of trial, but take comfort, believing that by their rough discipline God is fulfilling this benediction to you." ~ Charles Spurgeon

 

 

A friend had posted this today.....it's a deep word.  Not a word you will hear preached too much from America's pulpits....it actually brings me to tears. 

 

I want my life to be established and grounded in God no matter what...but it is hard.  There are days when I feel like the winds will blow me over.  There are days when I just think I can't make another day or hour....  I want to give up.   But I keep on going. 

 

Maybe you don't understand why I grieve so deeply about Selah....it's for the dreams lost.  It's for the little girl who'd lived her life in orphanages and mental institutions and who FINALLY had a family who loved her and took her places and just made her a little princess.... for 13 weeks....then the accident happened.  Now she is still loved and taken care of but she can't enjoy the things she enjoyed before .  She can't play in her little princess car, she doesn't notice the pretty clothes, she deals with medical things on a daily basis....  I  grieve for the things she lost, the things she never got to do, the advancements she never made, the words she never said....  Yes she was delayed but we had so many hopes for her, dreams for her.  Our pediatrician felt she might make it to the point of being able to work one day, having some independence.  I grieve for that loss....I grieve it so deeply, some days it overwhelms my heart.  Today is one of those days.  Just typing this makes me weep.  

 

So in dealing with the grief I'm having to learn to trust God deeper than ever in my life.  It is not easy.  As I've worked through the various stages of grief, I can look back and be grateful for the initial stage of shock or denial.  It's not that I didn't' think it was all happening, it just could not all be taken in at once... since we were not home, that stage lasted for awhile.  Everything seemed so unreal and impossible, it couldn't' be happening to US! 

 

Being home, LIVING it out day to day, waking up and knowing Selah is the same is so very hard.  Dealing with the various ramifications, all the doctors, therapists, nurses, insurances......it is not easy.   I worry the most about Selah, we try and keep her comfortable, content and happy.  Thankfully we can tell when she is upset and we respond quickly.  Selah was not an adventurous child at all and that does comfort me some.  Although we were working with her, she was not like Sarah who wants to go and push herself, Selah was didn't even want to walk although she physically could walk.  She rather scoot on the ground.  We hoped with time and therapy she'd develop more and I'm sure she would have.  Sometimes I do think she is happy for the most part but sometimes I think she can't be happy like this. 

 

I can handle this, personally but what breaks my heart is the worry for Selah and how she feels.  It's an big worry for me.   So I never want to turn the accident into some thing that is about ME but I can not help my response to it because it has now become my life.  It's changed everything.....everything....in ways I can't even express. 

 

All I can say is please pray.  I pray that we are delivered from this storm for all our sakes.  And by delivered, I pray that Selah is healed....

 

Having to have to deal with Sam's blindness'prematurity'delayes....I learned about trusting God in a deep way.  But that was easier for me to accept than Selah's accident has been.  I guess because that was just who Sam was....  This is not how Selah was,,,,  I know what I'm missing out on... and what she is missing.....

 

One of my readers said how she likes the  Psalms because David (the one who wrote most of them) wrote them honestly.  They were his "my real life by David" blog:)   If you read them, he sounds a bit bi-polar LOL....  Up and down...trusting and doubting...fearing and having faith.....Running from God and running to God and that would be all in the same psalm/ blog!   He sounds a lot like me!  I'm thankful that they were included in scripture.  He was honest, he was open in his writings.  Often he was raw.... that is how I am feeling today, just raw in my heart. 

 

Life just seems so hard, not just for us, but we have friends going through so many different sad things.  One dear friend just got diagnosed with leukemia....please pray for him.  He is a very special man to our family. 

 

Days like today I can only turn to eternal truths and look forward, otherwise I will have to hop in my van and run away.....

 

 

 

 

 

Rainbows....

Started out early today with yoga and water aerobics, came home and bathed our 110 pound old Lab who hates the water....certainly got my exercise in!!!!  I've already started taking Advil so I can move tomorrow LOL

The last few days, Sam's good eye has been unusually red.  I try and not freak out too much if he has a tiny bit of redness as that will happen sometimes.  But I called Dr A and he advised me to go back on an eye drop that he had had us discontinue.  Prediforte is a steroid drop that Sam has used all his life but it can cause his glaucoma pressure to go up.  I added it back and all the redness is already gone thank God!!  With just one little very fragile eye....it gets scary!

Selah had an appointment today with the doctor who does Botox.   He saw her in the hospital back in February.  He was very positive and said Selah has improved so much he is not sure she needs any Botox!!!  Botox is used to numb/deaden muscles and their responses in order to get more range of motion.  Selah's range is really good, even tho she was not happy with us today.  He is talking with our physical therapist and then they will decide whether or not to do it.  He was very very complimentary of the care Selah has received by her nurses and by her great physical therapist, Chris.  He said Selah looked really good.  I loved that he took his time, examined her and didn't try to rush us to do things to her.  I also loved how he kept saying how much better (less stiff) she is than when he saw her in February.  I asked him if it was unusual for a child to improve so much and he said it can happen but it shows she has had extensive therapy and been worked with a lot:)   I'm very thankful for our nurses and for our therapists especially our PT!   I think we are her "project"    This mama loves to her a doctor say something GOOD for once!!!

Tomorrow Sarah will have her first swim lesson.  The lady who teaches the class I take will be her teacher.  Sarah loves the water and seems to understand it some.  She has no fear of it.  Sarah will have private one on one classes.  I love that she is getting the chance to do this:)  I promise pictures:)   We hope she will at least learn to float....but who knows, Sarah is such an amazing girl, she might end up making the Special Olympics swim team:)

Shad is 100% back to normal....

Steve has been busy doing some different things.  He has been such a help to me this summer.  I really appreciate him!!   I focus on making sure he has some real free time every week.  I just pre ordered him something big for his birthday....LOL  something I swore I'd never buy....but he is such a big help and never complains about much:)  He is also having to do schoolwork over the summer....but is flying through thank God! 

 

it was much more vivid in real life!

On the way home from the doctor, there was a huge rainbow...it literally looked like it ended over our home...  It reminded me of the big rainbow I saw as we entered Rochester last year.....it seemed like a good sign then....now it seems like it mocked us.  But maybe it didn't mock us.  Maybe it was there, to remind us of Gods promises....after the storm that was to come. 

I'm not one of those folks who read signs in the sky at all.  I can not remember a time BESIDES driving into Rochester last summer when I was affected by seeing a rainbow.  We drove in from Buffalo, having come up a different way than we usually do  and as we were going off of I-90 onto I-390.....it just looked amazing.....  I really felt like it was a SIGN that things would go good with Sam, that Sarah would get her eye surgery done and that we'd have a great time in Rochester.....  thankfully Sam's eye check up was good....but Sarah was unable to have the same eye surgery due to the abnormity  of our little eye (she only has one eye) and of course....the accident was only a few days away from happening....

Maybe this rainbow was a good sign....I do think our home life is wonderful.  I love my family and am thrilled with my life....except I want Selah healed and well.  If Selah was back to her normal, I would not have one complaint  at all.  I like to think I've had a grateful,  happy heart and that I was totally content before the accident...there is no way I can every be every be content or truly happy again unless Selah is healed. 

In just a little over a month, it will be a year since the accident....I've lived with this huge ache in my heart for almost a year now..... I keep remembering the dream I had right after the accident.  I keep hoping it will come true...

Please pray for Selah!!!

Monier Family....

Jenny Allerton Monier

"Why are you adopting again? Don't you have enough?!"

Though I thought it had been explained the *first* time we adopted, I will explain it again:

I LIVE my life, not observe others live theirs. Life is meant to be LIVED!
... *The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. John 10:10

When God asks me to do something, I obey. The blessings of obedience are AMAZING.
*Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. John 14:23-24

I do not live my life in fear or worry (or try to not base my decisions on fear or worry) because the Word said it is a sin. I don't *want* to sin. Do you?
*Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

God has proven Himself over and over. He is faithful even when things get rough.
*He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, ... Psalm 91:1-16

The things in life truly worth doing are never easy. Adoption is no exception to this.
*Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Children are a BLESSING not a *burden* but again, that does not mean it is easy. When the parenting gets tough the parent gets on her knees!
*Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

And finally, it is my life and that of my family. WE are HAPPY with our decisions. Just because it may seem "outrageous", "crazy", "not thought out", or "just wrong" to you doesn't mean that it is any of these things. If you have a problem with it you might want to take some time to *pray* about it. I am guessing that if you are making such comments prayer has not even crossed your mind.
*Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

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This was Jenny's post today I wanted to share this with you....Let's help get Channah home!!!!  Give by sending a check to Grace Church 7060 Berry Road Zephyrhills Fl 33540   also you can go through your closets and help out with a yard sale.  Please contact me at theclanton5@aol.com  if you want to drop off items at the church.  Let's make this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired Tire......

 

Yesterday I took the kids to see Despicable Me 2.  It was so stinking cute.  I laughed a lot and embarrassed my kids:)   Sarah loved it, every time it would get loud she'd clap and scream with joy.  She amazes me how nothing scares her and how she faces life....a little blind, delayed girl who spent her life belted to a bed....she lives it to the fullest now. She amazes us and we adore her.   Actually she is starting private swimming lessons at the end of the month at the Y.  She loves water and has no fear.  We hope that she will learn to float, it is a great protection, especially living in Florida. 

 

We took some cute pictures by the Monster's University stand.  That was a great movie too. 

 

 

 

Sam and Mommy

 

Sarah and Mike Z:)  Having just one eye ROCKS!!!

 

See Shad is holding the drinks and popcorn:)

 

Shad is back to normal, no pain or problems!  He is thrilled to be through it and not have to deal with any more pain like he has had all his life!!!!!   Again I just have to say, get your boys circumcised young, I've met so many families who boys' have had issues.  Shad's issues were because he was not taken care of when he was little.  He probably had so much pain since he had the issues he has had but it is all over and he is really happy. 

 

So in addition to my morning yoga class, I've started 3 days a week going to a water aerobic class...for seniors....the first day I watched the big clock outside wondering when the older lady  who is the teacher would let us stop.  I thought I was going to DIE!  LOL  My classmates in there are more friendlier to me.  The nice thing about water aerobics is if you don't' do something right, if you are deep enough in the water, no one can tell LOL. Yesterday I was hurting before the end of the day and having to take Advil:)  But it's a good hurt.....

  The classes are early and I get home just when the kids are getting up.  Perfect for the summer!

 

Today was an adventure.  I went to Lakeland to meet a friend for lunch.  As I was driving, a guy kept gesturing at me.  My tire was flat!  The light had come on, saying it needed some air but Jon had put air in it and it had been fine, but the light hadn't gone off.  He had checked it a few times and it measured fine so we thought something was wrong with the light.  Thankfully this happened right by a tire shop, a nice one, Imperial Tires on South Florida, good folks.  They got the nail out of my tire for me and in the meantime, my friend picked me up, we had lunch and my tire was fixed.  Then I went to another friend's house and she LOADED my van with clothes for the girls!!!!  (that was my reason for going to town!)  WOW I am still going through everything!!   In the meanwhile Sarah's closet rod broke....BEFORE I even put in the new clothes LOL 

 

Selah had a good weekend, no issues at all.  Today after she was on her stander, right when her afternoon meds were due, she started to have a storm but our nurse bent her at the waist, and rubbed her back (we call him the Selah whisper) and she calmed down, and only needed her regular 4 pm meds!  WHEW!  She has a very busy day tomorrow, with speech therapy and then a doctor's visit in Tampa.  We are hoping she will do ok.  It is so hard to transport her. 

 

She is seeing a doctor about Botox shots, don't know if she is going to get them as she has improved so much but we have had this appointment forever..... so we are going!  It's taken SIX months to get in there!!!  He is supposed to be the best in this region with things like that so he may be able to give us some input. 

 

I was telling my friend today how everyone remarks about Selah's skin, bones, body fat and muscles....they are great and it must be very unusual for children like her to be in such good shape.  Several people who work with her think it must be the fish oil keeping everything so normal.  If you saw her little body, she looks like she could just get right up and walk, no muscle atrophy, full, soft arms and legs....  she does stiffen her legs when she gets upset but her range of motion is normally great.  Our Physical Therapist said that she might even could be backed off the Bacfine (it to keep her loose...but she is doing so good and things are very different than when she came home)  Most people in Selah's situation is given the max doses age and families are encouraged to have an internal pump of Bacifin put in the person's side.  We were offered it and we said "no"  I had read enough about it to know it was NOT a good thing.   So glad we did not do it!!!   Thanks to all the therapies and the nurses, and most importantly being HOME, has helped her so much!  I'm so thankful!

 

And I still have the HOPE that one day she will be healed and shock us all:) 

 

Don't forget about our Orphan/Adoption Fund raiser!  I'm going to blog about that separately tonight! 

 

 

Please keep praying for Selah!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reece's Rainbow

This post is for my adoption friends..... I noticed this morning that I am no longer a part of the Reese's Rainbow group. I attribute that to the fact I reposted on MY wall Shelly Burman Burman's Adoption Auction with the comments made by Tina N Randy Kacirek which called for accountability of Reece's Rainbow and their decision NOT to give the Burman family the grants that are on the children that they are adopting. (this is a huge legal matter) While I will ALWAYS appreciate Reece's Rainbow for posting our daughter Sarah's picture...I will NOT be silent when I think things are not being done correctly or decently. I think it is BEYOND silly for grown folks to delete people from groups for having a different opinion, especially someone like me who did give to others and did often post on my blog and on FB the needs of various RR families. I did not post anything at all on the RR site for weeks and certainly never anything negative.... but be that as it may....I'm letting everyone know what is going on and the need for accountability is GROWING!!!

 

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This was my FB post yesterday after learning I had been removed from the Reece's Rainbow Facebook page.  As I am an adoption advocate and have raised money for various families & children on Reece's Rainbow, I feel the need to tell you of my detachment from them.  It was not my choice nor was it for anything I had posted in the group, as I had posted nothing for weeks and all my posts were positive or "likes" for various good things happening with different families/children. 

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This is the post that I assume got me "kicked out" (shared the day before)

 

From Tina N Randy Kacirek !! We have put together some fun auction items to bid on to help the Burman family with their adoption expenses. Please be in prayer for them as the organization that has over $25,000 in grants received for the children the Burmans are in process of adopting is not wanting to release the funds and is changing their policies to avoid having to give these funds. The Burmans are USCIS approved and waiting on travel dates and they need encouragement and love. Just as God showed our family this morning that HE IS BIGGER with providing our daughter a chair for her bath, I know God wants the Burmans to know that He loves them and cares for them and He can use US to show His love.

Please check out these items and if you would like to make a donation to the Burman's matching grant you may go to www.gracehavenhome.com to learn more. Also if you would like to donate an item for the auction it's not too late! Just email me a photo of the item and a description and I will get it up!

THANK YOU for lifting up this precious family (who GIVES like no one else I know!) and let's pray in agreement for a miracle change of heart for this organization. God can DO THAT TOO!

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/burmanauction  this is their auction site. 

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The situation that brought this up is a family (who many of you gave to) the Burmans are adopting 3 children from our girl's former institution.  The children are now at a different place but I met all of them while we were there.  We had actually planned to go back and adopt one of the girls, had out situation been different.  So I have quite a vested interest in these children's adoption. 

 

Reece's Rainbow is not agreeing to give them the funds that have been raised for these children.  (don't worry the money we raised went to a family fund through Grace Haven Ministries)  RR contends the family is not meeting their requirements.  The family contents that RR has asked more of them than other families.  The Burmans have been approved by a social worker and his/her agency as well as the USCIS (our government agency that clears families for adoption)  They have no criminal history (in fact the dad is a cop) and their paperwork is all done, in country and they are waiting for a travel date. 

 

Reece's Rainbow is a ministry that raises awareness of and funds for special needs adoption.  It is not an adoption agency at all.  They do not employ anyone to my knowledge that would review any families' paperwork and make decisions about grants based on that. 

 

The family has adopted before and had an issue with a facilator suggested by RR.  They do not want to share some personal things with RR (such as the facilator they are using this time) as they actually have fears for their personal safety.   The Burman family was in the middle of an adoption some time ago where there were problems that they felt was caused by undue influence they were not able to complete that adoption and were heartbroken.   You can read their account on their blog at

http://carringtonscourage.blogspot.com/  it tells their story in more detail than I can. 

 

So my ties with Reece's Rainbow have been cut....I can not recommend them and I do have many questions about somethings.  I will not raise money for them any more.  I am not comfortable with doing so.  I am not angry with Reece's Rainbow, but I have concerns. 

 

But I will be honest and say we appreciate them.  We dealt with them and had no personal problems whatsoever.  They did exactly what they said they would do for/with us.  Sarah did not have much of a grant (less than $200) but the little boy we had originally planned on adopting did have a grant of about $4000 and RR allowed that grant to be used for Selah since he was no longer available for adoption.  That was money that various supporters of RR gave over the years.  We had a family sponsorship page on their site that many of our friends used to give to us so they would get tax credit (and it was convenient as they could use a card to give)  They had a person who reviewed our paperwork and help me out a lot.  If I feel compelled to discuss this problem, I must also tell of our experience.   We used a different facilator for the region we were in and were not hindered in using him. 

 

However many families have reported issues.  Since we have adopted before and was part of a group that used an agency, I got to know some of the other families we even had a Yahoo group (that sounds so old LOL)  NO ONE complained about that agency or their experience.... And with as many people as was on the group, as well as all the personal emails and calls...I know I would have heard about issues had there been any major ones.  Plus a large group of us traveled together in China.  So to hear of all the various adoptive families who have had major issues in different ways with RR  bothers me and has bothered me from the very beginning of our adoption.  There was so much drama and problems and the SECRETS......it was very unnerving.    I just kept my head down and rushed our adoption through and then I distanced myself from the various off shot groups of Reece's Rainbow on FB.  When we first came home from Ukraine, I even took myself off the main page after thanking everyone as I was just DONE with all the mess.  Since I've been raising money for adoptions/orphans I did join it back so I look for families/kids who really needed a boost to help them get home. 

 

In any organization, you will have issues.  I've been in ministry my whole adult life and believe me I've seen some stuff...  but yet God seemed to still bless various ministries...  No one is perfect, no organization is perfect...because we are all human and all flawed.   However I feel RR needs much more stringent oversight.  It started with a noble purpose and many many children have been helped and many families blessed by their special child(ren) 

 

I ask Reece's Rainbow to be transparent, to live up to its' mission statement and to concentrate on the KIDS not personalities or conflicts. 

 

The children are the ones being overlooked....

 

I played with and held these girls I KNOW they want and need a family!!!

 

 

 

 

Let's focus on getting them HOME!  To parents who have been approved by their social worker and agency and the US government!   WHY should they wait a day longer?  These children are older, no one is standing in line to take them home....they've been waiting for years.  The middle girl is 11, the youngest girl is almost 9 (can you believe that?)  and the boy is 9 or older also.....  they've been waiting all these years....now a family who is qualified is ready to take them home....money has been raised....people gave....it's time for them to go HOME!!!!!!

Family Time

 

 

FINALLY a summer picture for my blog!  the old picture made me hot to look at it with all of us with sweaters on!!!!

 

 

 

 

Ok my little kids were all over the place but I look good LOL

 

Sam wanted Selah's 'string"

 

 

 

Jon's brother and his family

 

Love us all being together

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jim, Val, Anna and Michael

 

 

 

 

Selah is up to one hour in the stander. 

 

We've been blessed by Jon's brother's family starting to attend our church.  It just feels good to be with family on Sunday.  We also have some close friends who have also recently committed to attending/participating with us.  It's really been a good thing.

 

This afternoon everyone headed off for Weeki Wachee Springs to go kayaking except for me and the little ones and Poor Shad too.  It's a hot clear day and a good one to be at the springs.  I like them going where it is clear, at least there they can see the gators coming for them LOL!

 

We had talked about a short vacation to the beach but I'm not sure I can handle the little kids being near water.  Just yesterday a local boy died at a very nice beach near here.  He was caught in a riptide in just knee deep water....  I'm so sorry to hear about that and it scares me.  Life can change so quick.  When the family kayaks everyone wears a life vest and Sam & Sarah do not go.  I want to give Sarah swimming lessons, she seems to understand the water and loves it.  Since Sam has eye implants, his head can never go under the water so he can't have lessons.  Before the accident, we loved the water, now it's harder....I think of all that can go wrong.  I don't want to be like that but .....  Even today I'm glad that Shad can't go (because of his operation)  I worry about him when he goes, but I also don't want to take that from him....it's a real hard balance for me. 

 

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Thanks for all your kind words and comments, it really means a lot to me.  This is a very hard time for me. 

All I can do is keep trusting God. 

 

Six instead of Seven

 

Lunch today it was a table for six instead of seven....

 

doesn't Sam look angelic??

 

 

 

 

Sarah was clapping she was so happy

 

Jon and me

 

And  look who is out of the house!!!!!

 

 

Today was a better day for Shad.  the whole thing has been a bit more than we thought it would be....fyi if you have a son PLEASE have him circumcised young....  My poor boy has dealt with pain for years and now is dealing with pain from the surgery (that he should have had years ago.... the doctor wouldn't do it...changed doctors...)  He is up and dressed today and most importantly finally OFF my bed LOL!  He did get two new video games today for being such a tough guy! 

 

The last few days have been really hard for me.  We didn't expect Shad's surgery to be as bad as it was, the one year anniversary of the accident is coming soon, our yearly update to Ukraine is due (that is going to be a fun one to write:(  and we are trying to get our re adoption paperwork done.  I'm not a moody person.  I can get angry quickly but I'm not a person that you've got to wonder "which Yvonne" will it be....I'm always about the same BUT the last few days I've been a mess.  So Sad, feeling so hopeless, so angry....really angry....at everyone, at life, at God....pretty much I hate everyone right now...not really but I'm just mad.  I'm sick of this life, sick of nurses in my home, I just want life to go back to OUR normal!  I liked, no I LOVED our normal!  That's all I want....but it's not happening....And I'm mad and sad.....

 

I'm just being REAL as always, unfortunately I'm like the guy on "Liar Liar"  it's very hard for me to lie, even when I'm writing.  LOL  My friends and family have learned that when they ask for my opinion.  I wish I could do some little "white lies" or at least have some Tact but that seems to escape me whether that is good or bad  LOL

 

Life has just been hard this week, I've felt like I've been sucker punched, nothing much new except for Shad's surgery.  He was in such pain afterwards and having to take care of him was just awful.  Not that I minded taking care of Shad, don't think that.  But it just reminded me how quickly a child can change.  I realize an operation is not the same as an accident like Selah's but nevertheless, it felt the same to me.   To see him so weak and in such pain....it was awful!  That morning he was fine, then that afternoon he couldn't walk.  I felt guilty although it was 100% his decision based on all the problems he'd had for years to have the surgery.   He's so much better now but it was horrible to see him like he was on Wednesday. 

 

Then I think of sweet Teresa's family, they laid their little girl to rest today....I still have all 5 of my kids, life maybe different but I can touch them, I can still hug them....I try to put things in perspective but can't always do it.... Please pray comfort for that family.  God gives us a protection of shock when tragedy happens.  It is a wonderful thing....but it wears off at some point and grief takes over.  Life will be hard for them.

 

So I am really dealing with things, I have a psych minor, learned all the "stages of grief"  and am quite afraid I have hit the ANGRY stage....God help us all.....  All I can say is pray....I don't even feel like doing that right now...  Sorry don't mean to let anyone down but it's just where I am right now.

 

I've always had questions about "healing"....if you read any of my old posts, I went through a time of "wondering".  All I can say is I am 47 years old, been raised in church all my life, in a church that believes in miracles....and I can not honestly say I've ever seen a REAL miracle.  That does not shake my faith in God.  I think God can do what He wants....He set this world into motion, and He is governed by His own natural laws....by His choice.  I believe God can heal, I just lean towards believing that healings are few and far between...   I feel some scripture in the bible is taken out of context (not what the original Hebrew or Greek words meant) and people use that scripture to think physical healing is something that everyone can expect. 

 

I know I can ask God for anything....and I do quite often, but I have to trust Him, no matter what the answer is....that is the hard part....

 

But I'm determined I'm going to trust God whether or not our situation changes. whether Selah ever gets healed....I'm not going to turn my back on God....

 

This time of our life is HARDER than right after the accident.  We were still in shock, still reeling, nothing seemed real, far from home back then....  Now the shock is gone, we are back home, we're back in our routine.....and Selah is still in a coma.  NOW we have to walk this out every day when we wake up, during the night when we get up to care for her, when we go out to eat and have to ask for a table for 6 instead of 7.....that is one of the hardest things to us.  The first time we had to ask for a table for 6, Jon and I both cried....   it still hurts every single time!  Even today the empty chair next to me seemed to mock me.  A sweet lady came up to speak to us and asked how many kids we had and we told her we had one more child at home....we didn't say why.. but it HURTS like hell!   We want our girl with us, involved in our lives.  I want to be getting her plate from the buffet bar, and wiping her face, helping her eat....I don't' want her like this.  But there is nothing I can do but keep walking....

 

Again I don't want to discourage anyone, or be a stumbling block to anyone...but I'm just where I am....one sad Mama....

 

 

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Someone asked me what re adoption is....the USA recognizes foreign adoptions as legal.  However if you wish your child to have a US birth certificate and to have all the adoption paperwork redone in the US, you have to file in the USA.  It's better for the child.  For example a family only gets ONE notarized copy of each paperwork from that child's country , like say the child's adoption or name change...IF that were ever lost, you'd be up the creek.  However if the re adoption is done, you could get as many copies as you wanted of their paperwork here in the USA. 

 

We are re adopting Shad also, he really needs to be as I was the only one who went to China to get him.  If only one parent goes, the child does not come in as an automatic citizen.  So he did not come in as a citizen like the girls did, he came in as permanent  resident.  We HAVE to re adopt him in the US for him to become a citizen.  We should have done it before now but now we'll do all of them and be done with it.  I think it will mean something to Shad also now as he is older. 

 

After all the years of working as a probation officer, I am quite used to court paperwork.  But the problem is no one in the court system can give me legal advice.  Even the forms that are to be filled out and filed, vary from person to person.  I've been so annoyed with trying to get them done.  Probably every county is a bit different also.  It's really stressed me out.  Thankfully a good friend has referred me to a friend of hers that is willing to help and knows what she is doing!  Just knowing that has taken a load off!  I'd like to get all that done in the next week or so.

 

Thank you all for your prayers and messages.  I appreciate it!

 

Don't forget about the Monier family's adoption, please give!  Also please clean out your closets and bless them with a lot of junk....I mean stuff they can sell in a yard sale if you live in this area.  Contact me at theclanton5@aolcom to arrange drop off!