POOP

We have lots of poop in our house, with three in diapers, that is a topic of conversation...often!   Well I've been doing poop samples on Sarah, who has really bad smelling poop.  She always had and now this new doctor is really running a bunch of tests on it.  She poops a lot...like 4-5 times a day.  Well I have decided it is one thing to change a diaper, it is quite another thing to get in there with a tongue depressed and scoop up poop out of a diaper.  Yesterday I gagged so badly that I almost threw up!   I told Sarah that I was glad she called me Mama if I had to be doing all of this!   But it is ok, hoping they will find out what is going on with her.  The doctor is not really worried since she ha doubled in weight since we adopted her. 

So I had ALL SEVEN samples and was off to turn it in to the lab....and the lab was closed.  After all of that I had to turn around and take the poop home with me and put it back in the fridge (except for one sample that has to be FROZEN)  

As you can imagine we have many poop jokes going on at my house!


You know how some folks are hoarders?  Well I'm the opposite of a hoarder.  So even tho I had gone through our closets and things last summer for the Monier family yard sale, I went through it again today since I've pulled out all the winter clothes.  Sarah was wearing a size 2T last winter, now she wears a size 6 so there's stuff going to the consignment store. There are a few things she never wore, I had bought them for winter but we were gone so long, by the time we got home, she had grown too much.  Same with Selah, she outgrew things.  I've got two big full baskets to take to a friend's consignment store.  I'm looking forward to going.  I've tried doing the consignment store thingy before and always would forget to go back and get the money....I know that sounds stupid and we aren't talking about a ton of money but......    it was too complicated.   This store is like a franchise "Once Upon a Child" and is supposed to be really easy to use and work with.  I think it will be fun:)

Today was a very productive day:)  I love when I feel like I'm getting things done and organized.  With the kids and all the medical/school issues we have then just regular life things, like cleaning the house/yard and then add all the church respondsibiites, I get slightly overwhelmed at times.   And the "new" Yvonne just gives up when she is overwhelmed.  I still have about 40 irons in the fire but at least I got some things accomplished today. 

We are loving this cold weather!  Yesterday I bought a sweater dress since it wouldn't hit 70 today or tomorrow LOL!  I almost bought boots too, cause you never know if we might get snow!  LOL  Of course by Sunday we are supposed to be back to the 80's!    I have this love affair with winter clothes.  Sweater dresses are like Nirvana for me.  And I have a red wool Ann Taylor coat that I can wear probably 3x a year if I'm lucky that I love!  That coat I got at a thrift store years ago in Rochester NY and I adore it, as does everyone who sees it!  I can't tell you how many compliments I've got on it.  I guess since we don't have a lot of cold weather, we really like it when we have it! 

I've been in a "clothes mood" lately.  I guess changing our closets over to winter things (definition of "winter things" for Florida folks means LONG sleeved shirts, jeans instead of shorts, a few sweaters and hoodies.....but I'm particular about colors too- like the colors have to be fall/winter colors)  I've bought myself a few things and the kids some stuff too.  I buy a lot of things at thrift stores, if I can find really nice stuff.  If not, then it is SALES!  I bought Sam some long dress pants, I wasn't sure about the size, but went ahead and bought a size 5....oh my gosh, thank goodness the waist could be tightened, they are almost too big for him.  I have the inside belt clichéd at the tightest point and they are still loose on him and too long.  He is so little and cute!  Almost 10 years old and a size 5 is too big!  Next I need to go through the boys' stuff.  I let them put all their things away and I notice they begin wearing the same 2 or 3 outfits....so I know it's time to go through stuff and help them reorganize.  Steve is finally beginning to notice clothes LOL!  He even said he wanted to go shopping for clothes I could NOT believe that came out of his mouth!!!!!  One thing I've noticed is there is NO decent clothes for boys from about size 2T to adult in thrift stores, I think boys are too rough on their clothes!  And I refuse to buy worn looking things.  If you have the time, which I really don't and can go to several thrift stores, you can find nice things.  It's fun, you never know what you may find, like a red wool Ann Taylor coat!

Sarah has not said Mama again but likes to laugh as I say it over and over again.  I'm sure she will say it again for em but I'm thankful I got to hear it once! 

 Well today is day 13 of HBOT, we've seen no changes.  That makes me sad but what can I do?  We've done all we can, we are faithful to take her and we just have to leave the results in God's hands.  I've been really sad the last couple of days, going through clothes and shoes that Selah wore briefly made me sad.  I can't help but pray as I look through things for God to bring her back.  The girls were such different sizes when we first got home that they didn't wear the same things.  Today I put one little jean skirt in the pile to go to the consignment shop and almost cried.  I have a picture of Selah wearing it on our first family outing once we were home.  It was hard for me to part with it, even tho if she were healed, she'd never be able to fit back into it......   So even in the middle of life, my thoughts are never far away from Selah and my heart is always crying out for her to be healed.  Please continue to keep her in your prayers. 

MAMA

Last night after a long day, we were putting the little ones to bed.  I called Sarah over to me "Sarah come to Mama".  Usually she hops over but this time she just laid there.  I went over to pick her up and she looked right at me and said "MAMA"!!!!!  She sounded like one of those baby dolls that say Mama.  Jon and I just started laughing!!!! 

What an amazing privilege to hear her first word and that it was directed at me:)  I probably would have bawled if I hadn't been in such shock!

Sarah was totally non verbal when we got her.  She didn't make any noise.  Over time she began squealing and laughing.  Just in the past month or so she has been making the "M" sound.  There had been a few times she made a sound close to Ma but never Mama and never so clear. 

So today in the car she made a sound like "Steve"  we all were laughing and clapping then she clapped.  She hasn't said Mama again. 

I don't know this means she will start talking or have a few words.  It really doesn't matter to us.  If she does start doing some talking it would just be the icing on the cake!  She is almost 7 years old and typically children do not learn to talk this late.  She was totally non verbal in Ukraine, we never saw her make a sound there at all.  Sam only has a few words, one of them being NO that he says quite frequently and loudly:) 

But I was honored to be called Mama by my sweet daughter who caught my heart from the moment I first saw her picture.  There is so much behind that simple word........it took a miracle to bring us together, so I could be her Mama.  So thankful for the chance to care for her!


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Please keep praying for Selah- Day 12 of HBOT

Being Real

http://www.convoyofhope.org/    You can help! Text the word "CONVOY" to 50555 to make a $10 donation to Convoy of Hope and their relief efforts in the Philippines   Convoy of Hope is the Assemblies of God (our denomination) response to national disasters.  They are quite wonderful and are in place throughout the US and the world in order to reach out when disasters strike.  If you feel moved to give to the Philippines Disaster, I can assure you that the money given goes to the relief fund.   Our prayers are with the people of the Philippines! 

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You know if I could write blogs in the middle of the night from my bed, you'd have some interesting things to read!  I can compose great, interesting articles that would just rock your world....but I can't remember them when I wake up!  Ha ha!  Last night I was hoping a chunk of the falling satellite was not going to fall on us.  Having things falling out of the sky is very scary to me!  

Today has been a quiet day, HBOT for Selah.  PT for Selah and Sarah and OT for Sam and Sarah.....

We had a 3 hour look for one set of our keys, I found them in Shad's backpack (they had fallen down from the hook)  The SAME backpack that I asked if it had been looked in....only a few minutes into the hunt!

I got some paperwork sorted and filed, some with sticky on them "to do" tomorrow. 

Last night we watched "Killing Kennedy" it was a good movie, a few cuss words but hey we are talking about the Kennedy's.  It's sort of fascinating to us since Jon was born just days after JFK's assassination.  I find history from the early 1900's- the 80's interesting.  I really like World War II history and also the Cuban Missile Crises is very interesting to me.   My aunt would tell me stories having lived through all of that.  She was violently anti-Catholic and hated Kennedy although she was a Democrat LOL.  That must have been hard for her!

So after we watched KK, there wasn't much on and we watched a particular minister on TV.  This guy used to be a "big name" preacher but now he is such a "has been"  We watched as a grandson "preached".  It was very theatrical and very "us-them" with THEM" being everyone else in the world, particularly the church world.....  so sad to see such a failure.  I watch the crazy snake handlers out of curiosity.   I watched this dude the same way.  Oh they had some truth mixed in with the craziness....but just a little truth.

One thing I don't understand is HOW people get sucked into supporting and being a part of something so screwy?  When I was in my early 20's I went with a good guy friend to see this same preacher at the USF Sundome.  We were very excited to hear him in person....Until he started speaking.  Then something inside of me just rose up and I knew something was "OFF" with this guy.  Here I was 20 or 21 years old, and I knew something was not right.  Come to find out, he had a few hookers on the side along with all kinds of other things......   Now I didn't hear him preach anything wrong that night, but something inside of me just knew the guy wasn't right.  At the time, I felt a bit guilty for feeling that way.  Even when he fell and made national headlines, I could not believe it was true....but it was!

 A few years later Jon and I happened to be in the same town, for a funeral.  We had some time so we went over to the "ministry headquarters" out of sheer curiosity....  There was a security guard and he invited us into their mid week service.  OH MY GOSH...during the service, I literally felt the hair on the back of my night rise up!   It was so creepy.  I was glad to get the heck out of there as soon as it was over. 

Last night as the camera panned the small audience, there were folks who were very touched, I'm sure some of them were very genuine.   But what I don't understand is WHY people who probably pray and read their bibles, don't have any discernment?   I sensed something was off over 25 years ago....it don't seem like it is any more "on" now LOL!   Do people just not have discernment?  Do they not have a backbone?  What is it that keeps people in unhealthy spiritual (or any type) of situation?   Do they have no confidence in themselves to go against the flow? 

As you can imagine, I don't have a problem "going against the flow".  But do you know where the hardest place to go against the flow is even for me?  In a church/religious setting.    When I was younger, I would feel something but didn't have the confidence to act on it.  OR if I did act on I got blown down.  I did an internship at a very very very dysfunctional ministry.  When I returned to college that fall, I spoke with my advisor about some of the issues and was told "Touch NOT God's anointed and do His prophets no harm."  I was told not to share anything with anyone that would make that ministry look negative or I would be in trouble.  I was BEYOND shocked at my advisor who I really loved and appreciated.  He had never spoke to anyone like he did to me.  And I had not shared anything with anyone up till that point as I was devastated  by the things I had seen/heard.   Should I go on to mention that that particular minster and ministry  was  dealt with and exposed within 5 years without any participation of myself.  Everything I shared with my advisor was put out in the open and many knew about it.   But it also crushed the ones who had to bring out truth. 

I learned by that experience, boy did I.  One thing I learned is to never ever think anyone is above reproach.  I am all about showing honor to ministers.  My husband is a minister and I wouldn't want someone to say bad things that were untrue about him.  But guess what????    He lives his life in an upright fashion, if someone said something about him, everyone would know that person was telling a lie.  Over the years, he has had folks here and there that didn't like him or some decision he made, but they could never point to him doing anything dishonest or immoral because he lives his life an open book.  Working as a chaplain, he is a chaplain to the WHOLE prison, each faith group, not just Christians.  He does things correctly so no one can say he shows preference to one group over another....oh they could say it but they'd have no proof.  Prisoners can file "grievances" if they feel they have been done wrong in any area of their prison life from their diet to their spiritual care.  Even in that, he keeps it clean, and does what his obligations are for each inmate so he doesn't have issues with that. 

As much as I believe in honoring ministers, I also do not believe in hiding the truth if someone is in sin or if a ministry becomes dysfunctional.  Everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes, everyone sins.....even the best of ministers.  But there comes a point, where things can not be tolerated. 

In this particular case that I was watching on tv, I was just sicken by some of the things that came out of this guy's mouth.  Some of it was biblical truth but it was so warped and delivered in so much anger, I can't imagine anyone wanting to watch it except out of sheer curiosity ( I also have more than my share of that too LOL)  .   

I've tried to be open to ministers.  We had a so called revival in our area a few years ago.  We took Sam as our friends told us that people were being prayed for and healed.  When we got there, there was a great spirit and wonderful worship.  All the people on the platform were dressed very casually so I didn't know who anyone was.  There was really no preaching that night, some folks were prayed for.  I wasn't really sure of the whole thing but the revival kept going on, some people didn't like the preacher because he had tattoos.   I would NEVER have a Tat cuz I hate pain!  But I can understand loving my kids enough to tattoo their names on my shoulder or something so I'm not anti Tats although I think in a few years there are going to be some ugly old folks with sagging tattoos LOL.    Anyway the "revival services" moved from the large church to a Civic Center and we went again.  This time we took a man in our church who had terminal cancer.  He was interested.  That night, there was none of the sweet spirit of worship as we saw on the first night.  In fact, I felt uncomfortable, as did my husband.  We decided not to go back again.  Soon we find out that the minister was involved with someone in his ministry team.  I can't say we were unduly surprised. 

What was surprising is all the support the man got from the charismatic community.  He was not repentant at all.  I'm not saying to kick a man when he is down but hey if you are leaving your wife and several children for a younger woman, it might just be time for you to take a time out from ministry! 

Some people might wonder why I even write about stuff like this on my blog.  Why am I not all "sunshine and roses" and loving Jesus......    I do love Jesus but sometimes there is an elephant in the room that no one addresses.  To me it looks foolish not to be real to a watching world.  I didn't start this blog because of Selah's accident or our adoptions, that is not the focus of my blog.  Nor is that WHO I am.   These are thing I wrestle with and think about.  I take my Christianity very serious whether it involves helping orphans, or preaching true clean doctrine.....  I am about being real in all parts of my life.   I'm not perfect and never have been but I think about things, deeply.

Anyhow that was some of my thoughts last night.....wonder what tonight will bring??



Please keep praying for Selah.  No changes....YET!

A Full Day

Doing HBOT is so time consuming and takes your full concentration.  Selah has an appointment each morning at 10:30- 11:45 am then back again at 2-3:15pm.  When you count the travel time in, then that's your whole day basically.  This being Sunday made it even more hectic if possible.  Before we left, I realized that the church hadn't been cleaned!   Scrambled to do that and get the little ones baths so they'd look pretty:)  Jon does a service at the prison so he is already gone by 8 am.  Oh well, the church got cleaned and the little ones got baths:)  So we get one session done and I get back in time to hear the final song at church and say hi to everyone.  Then we ran out for a bite to eat, and then I ran back to pick up Selah and our nurse for round two.  I get them dropped off and go back to the restaurant to sit with everyone for awhile. 

Then before we left HBOT a family visiting from France who has a daughter with Peter's Anomaly came by to see us.  They followed me home so they could meet Sarah and Sam.  I feel in love with their precious sweet tiny daughter.  OH my!  What a doll she is!!!!   They are believers and the husband is a minister.  He sweetly prayed for my little ones and Selah too.  His sweet little girl came in and I was holding her and she asked me if my baby was sleeping and I told her yes she was but her daddy was praying that my baby would wake up....oh sweet!



This princess is amazing.  She has Peter's Plus like my two little ones, and yet she speaks and has great understanding.  She just stole my heart today!

 

 



One neat thing about the journey we have been on, is the wonderful folks we've met along the way.  People we probably wouldn't have met if we weren't on similar journeys! 

 

Well it's been a long day, the Chinese food order is called in and Jon's off to get it.  The Spanish church is meeting and I can here them singing.....

 

Good night all....please keep praying for Selah.  We are doing all we can, pray that God will use this HBOT to heal her brain and "wake up my baby"! 

 

 



 

Animals

Got up with great resolve to go walking while Selah was in HBOT RATHER than eating Dunking Donuts.... Well I walked THREE miles,  problem was I had Steve with me....ended up going to get an iceie  (frozen coke for you non Southern folks)  and a hamburger and onion rings.....see having KIDS will make you FAT!  LOL  I did have a small size of everything AND I did walk 3 miles. 

Then we brought her back home and my boys went to do yard work (without being asked to do so- something is UP with that!)   I'm sitting with Sarah and Jon was feeding Sam a hamburger when Shad runs in screaming "there's a cottonmouth!"   We ran outside left the little ones, sure enough there was a snake trying to climb up our big palm tree.  Steve said he was looking at two huge frogs who were on the palm tree and something fell down right beside him.  It was the snake, evidently it was looking at the frogs too!  ( BTW, when we came back inside after all the excitement, we found Sam had fed himself the hamburger we were laughing so hard!  We've been working on him feeding himself!)) 

We absolutely HATE to kill something if it's not poisonous.   So we are messing around with the snake, Steve is trying to look it up on his phone to figure out what kind it was....and the snake got away.  It was hitting at our shovel but most snakes strike when scared.  We think it was harmless or maybe a cotton mouth....I do think they like palm trees LOL!

This happened yesterday too.  Steve and Shad were taking the little ones out to the swing set and they came running back in and said there was a snake out there.  It look just like a rattler but with no rattles.  I think it was a bull snake and I let it go across the road. 

I know I'll get comments on how awful snakes are, but they are not, they keep down the rodents and non poisonous  snakes kill poisonous snakes.  We have a HUGE black snake which is aggressive but not poisonous that lives over by the graveyard.  We leave it alone because we know it won't hurt anyone and will kill bad snakes.  I like snakes, actually I like pretty much all animals with the exceptions of some insects like wasps, mosquitoes, and flies.   I LOVE GATORS!  See me wrestling this poor little gator at Gatorland back in 2011.  Actually I was afraid I'd hurt him he was so little LOL 

 

I've always loved animals, had a ton of them growing up.  We raised chickens and pigs mostly but some cattle a few times and ducks, and rabbits too.  Since I grew up I mostly just had cats and in recent years dogs too.  But we are way down on the cats since whatever got them, gave one dog away and one is very old.....  I think my animal days are getting over.  I still love animals BUT something clicked in me over the years as I see animals taken better care of than children.....

 

 

I've always fed and took our animals to the vet, a low cost one (mostly to make sure to get them "fixed" so we wouldn't have more animals)  but I never dressed them or spent lavish amounts of money on them.  I just couldn't even years ago.  Now to see stores devoted to animal care turns my stomach to be honest.  Even the commercials to stop pet abuse....I don't ever want to see an animal hurt, abused or starved BUT I'm alot more concerned about humans made in God's image than I am about animals! 

 

Not to be condemning but I really really wonder what God thinks of us spending millions of dollars on our animals and not giving much towards missions or towards human needs?  I'll be the first to be kind to animal, or stop and help a turtle off the road but .....

 

After we came home from Ukraine is when all our cats started disappearing.  I hate that anything happened to them, but I couldn't really "grieve" them after having just been exposed to so much human suffering.  I've had a cat (Bubba) who weighed more than my new 5.5 year old daughter.....  puts things into perspective doesn't it?  

 

 

I wonder what would happen if we Christians saved and gave to save an orphan.  I wonder what this world would look like if we- the ones who profess to know Christ- Put our money where our mouth was....and instead of trying to "believe God" for a bigger house, or new jewelry, we would remember our treasure is in heaven where there are mansions and streets of gold.... 

 

I don't believe in a "pauper mentality" that all Christians should take a vow of poverty.....but we don't have to worry about that teaching going through the Christian world today LOL sadly.....  I think some churches need to take a "vow of poverty".  I really have to wonder WHY we need  churches that costs millions .....  I'm not against having a nice clean church, not all BUT I also don't believe that a church should be a status symbol either!   And they do become status symbols.  I'm not against big churches at all.    A big building can be built and made into a nice place without spending so much money that could be used elsewhere. 

 

 

Guess I'm thinking today that one day we will all have to answer to how we spent our time, our talents and our treasures.....  

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Selah had a better night.  She went to sleep at 5pm and slept till 3am then her heart rate went up quite a bit.  Her nurse gave her some valium and she was able to go back to sleep.  They looked at her ears this morning and the redness in one ear is less.  We had put some over the counter remedies in there and I guess it helped!

Please keep her in prayer.  We are on day 9..... still not seeing anything new.  Jon took her this afternoon to HBOT.    He just got back and did say she was moving around a bit more than usual in the chamber.  thank you for your prayers!

Feeling Low

Last night Selah had a rough night.  She didn't sleep any and her heart rates were up.  Thankfully we had nursing or I'd be falling out today!  We are hoping this is just an anomaly.  Every now and then  she has a funky night and nothing comes out of it.  We are hoping for that!  She has no other symptoms.    When we took her to HBOT, they checked her ears and one ear was a bit red.  I called our pediatrician but since she has no fever and no real symptoms he wasn't too concerned.  I have to take the restlessness with a grain of salt as she has that ever now and then for no apparent reason.    Steve and I went to Dunking Donuts and a couple of cake donuts with chocolate  icing made me feel a little better. 

 

 

Then we went by the pharmacy and got all kinds of remedies for the ears.  She seems to have a lot of wax build up too. So we got it all to see if anything would help.  the director seemed to think the wax is so much it might be making her ears uncomfortable when she has a HBOT treatment.  She never makes a face and she will do that if anything hurts or annoys her.

 

 

Then it was time for Jon to take her for her afternoon HBOT and the little kids went out to swing. 

Sam LOVES to listen to Steve's phone or Ipod.  He loves all kinds of Christian music but adores RAP!  LOL!   Lecrea is his favorite and  mine too! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These pictures were taken last night....

Sam was trying to "help" Sarah....right off the horse LOL

 

 

 

 

 

Is this adorable or what?  Look at that mischievous smile. 

 

Don't worry he was redirected to play on his car!  Sarah was the ruling princess. 

 

 

 

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Today I just feel so low.  I read a bit about HBOT and all kinds of claims that some families have made.  I want that for Selah.  It just makes me mad and upset not to see any change in her!  I MISS Selah!  I want her back.  I'm thankful for little changes and stableness but I want her back to me.  For whatever reason today is very hard for me.  All I can say is we are putting one foot in front of the other and doing everything humanly possible for her.  There is nothing else we can do , she is too unstable and we have too much sense to take her to Timbuktoo for stem cell injections....   We've done everything that anyone has suggested (within reason of course!) 

 

But we are still going forward.  If she gets no better, it will not be because we haven't tried everything we could for her.  Yes she is still on fish oil, if you are wondering.  She still smells like the Little Mermaid.  We will do whatever we can to help her.  And we will always take care of her to the best of our ability.  I just want to see some changes!

 

Today it seems the heavens are brass to me.  I've called out to God so many times, sometimes in my sleep or just awake state to heal Selah.  I've asked Him not to leave her like this, for this NOT to be the end of the story.  This can't be IT!

 

Please keep praying for Selah. 

 

 

I'm Thankful

Whew I went to bed at 10 pm last night and still am tired!  I got up early and took Shad with me to the grocery store.  Shad has the next few days off from school (teacher days and Veteran's  Day).   I am a PUBLIX girl and that's where I buy my "real" food from.  So he was pushing the buggy for me and asked "if he looked like a grownup"  he seemed to think the lady at Walmart thought he was a grown up LOL.  He likes to go shopping with me cuz he usually ends up with a treat if it's just him and me:)  And he got one or two treats:)

Our nurse took Selah to HBOT once I got home and the little ones had PT.  Selah got home in time for her PT before turning around and going back to HBOT.  The PT got her very stretched out, great range of motion. 

Selah pooped BIG last night on her own with no medicine:)  Her night nurse was very happy and I am too!!!   We talk about poop a lot around here, for the most part I do not put that discussion on my blog LOL  But this is a cause for celebration!

Today is day 7 of HBOT and we still haven't seen anything "different".  Please keep praying for her.  We'd love to see some good change!  And I know you all would too!  Thanks for all your concern and prayers!

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You know I'm reading all the "Thanksgiving posts" on FB this time of year.  I have a few very sarcastic friends and one of them posted this picture.....

 

I just thought that was too funny.  Didn't really think it might offend anyone,(probably cause not too much offends me)  but when I went to save the picture I saw there was a huge debate going on with the original poster of this picture.  I still think it's funny.  In my group of friends, I've noticed the ones who are writing something that they are thankful for everyday of this month are generally the ones who are thankful all year long:) 

 

 

In spite of our circumstances, I am still thankful for the life I have, my children, my husband, our church, our friends, our home.....  I wrote on here, soon after the accident that I didn't think I'd ever be truly deep down happy again...ever....  and I'm not.  Even on the BEST days, there is a corner of my heart that is so sad, that I could cry if I didn't control myself.....but I am content and have joy. 

 

Joy is different than happiness.  Happiness is based on what is going on around you or happening to you.  There is nothing in this world that could happen to me, including winning the biggest lottery in the world, that would truly make me 100% happy again as long as Selah is still not healed.  Oh I could have fun and laugh but there will always be a part of my heart that would be sad.

 

Joy is deeper than happiness.  For me, Joy is something deep down that doesn't change due to my circumstances.  It's what there in the morning when I wake up and memories sweep over me.  It helps me to remember this world is not our home. 

 

God has really helped me to deal with anxiety, it's been almost 2 months since I've had to take a pill to ward off an anxiety attack,   Those attacks were pretty regular for awhile.  I have no pride in saying that GOD has helped me.  Living the life I live, I get through it with God's help.  And I don't just live to "get through it"   I'm a mom to 4 other kids.  I don't want them to remember me as someone who was so devastated by life that I couldn't love them with all my heart and have fun!   We still have fun.  We laugh a lot, we enjoy things together.....but there is always a missing piece.  That will never change

 

Having a child that has been so injured and changed by an accident is not something anyone prepares for or thinks about going through.  To say "it's hard" would be the grossest understatement of the year!  There is really no way of adequate explaining that nor the past year of my life.  I'm surprised I'm still standing to be quite honest. 

 

I'm not a super Christian,  but God has given me the grace to live through this past year and three months.  When I look ahead, the road looks very hard.  When I look back, the road looks awful and dark.  I have not been able to go back and read any of my blogs, ever....I also can not handle looking at the pictures from the accident time through the time we got home last January.  It's like I want to forget those 6 months.  Occasionally some of the pictures will come up on my computer background and even the nice pictures are like a dagger in my heart.  There are things I don't even remember, sometimes someone will mention something and I have no memory of it at all.  I was just literally putting one foot in front of the other for months. 

 

But God was with me and He still is and I'm thankful.