Free Falling Friday

You know I blog about what I think about, well some of what I think about at least.  Some days my mind is very fixed on certain goals and other days I'm just free falling....today is a free falling day...:)And I promise that Florida is a NON marijuana state LOL ( I tend to ramble)

When I opened my FB today one of my dearest friends from my college days had sent me a friend request, I could have cried!  We had lost touch and gone separate ways so it was great to hear from him and to know he is serving God.  Catching up, he asked about some mutual friends, one had passed away, some were divorced, some were doing ok.   I started thinking of LIFE and how it flows on through the years.  Looking back there were so many different people in my life that have had different outcomes than what maybe they thought they would have when they were younger.  Actually very few have gone on a straight path to "success".  I know we haven't gone on a straight path to whatever we are at either LOL.  Very few people go on a straight path in their lives.  The older I get the more I realize even the people who seem to have it so all together, really aren't any different than me or anyone else.

Sometimes in writing this blog, I have been afraid that I come across too "put together" or as a "perfect little Christian wifey"   Please know I am so not!  I yell at my kids, well the two bigger boys, with the little ones, I have an amazing level of patience.  I fuss at my husband, I've been known to shoot birds too (and I don't mean with my 22 either LOL)  Seldom a day goes by that I don't say something I shouldn't....probably only an hour goes by without me saying something I shouldn't LOL  I'm being honest here.   I get annoyed that the fridge is a mess, that there are dirty dishes in the sink, that the garden needs weeding.  I get tired of doing laundry, tired of answering the phone to yet another missionary or needy person who wants some slice of me.  Some mornings I don't want to get up to face my life, I hate (although I am thankful for) having a nurse in my home 24 hours a day, I hate (although I'm thankful for ) all the different teachers and therapists that come into my home .  Sometimes I don't want to be bothered by anyone and pretty much hate the whole world.  I said HATE 3x for anyone that is counting. 

I'm not perfect by any means and I recognize that fact.  I have fears & failures that are quite embarrassing to me. 

BUT I keep pressing on to that mark, the high calling in Jesus.....  I'm not going to turn back, there is nothing to go to.  When I think of myself spiritually I think of a tomboy in dirty overalls, no shoes on, hair up like Pippi  Longstockings, mud all over me.... that's what I see.  I certainly don't see a beautiful bride of Christ in a snow white dress.  But I press on, past my doubts, my failures, I hold fast to that which I know....that there is a God.  A God that sent His son....a God who redeemed and redeems my life daily.  A God that has walked through the fires of my life with me. 

I admit to loving theology- theology simply means "man's study of God"  In some ways theology is a kind of philosophy.  I enjoy debates & learning.  There is so much of God I don't understand.  There are certain things in the bible that are non debatable to me the basic Christian tenets of faith like the creation & fall of man. etc    But there are other things......like Calvinism vs Armeniansm  (Calvinists basically believes that God is in complete control and Armenianlists believe in man's free will to chose.

I like to think I'm balanced, somewhere in the middle and the Bible seems to show God has a balance too.   For ever scripture on predestination there is, there seems to be a corresponding verse on man's free will.  It's funny to me!  There are definably things that there is no debate in my mind at all like holiness and sin.

When you study the bible, you are told to take the WHOLE counsel of God from Genesis to Revelation  and not to base anything on just one scripture. Sometimes I think God could have made things easier if He'd just spelled them all out for us, but He did do that in the Old Testament.    In the OT, there were plenty of laws to follow outwardly but the New Testament makes it harder as you are required to follow with your heart.   I'd been a good Old Testament Christian!  I could have had my list, marked it all off and been fine!  It's this new Testament where my heart has to be right in my actions that make it hard!!!!  

Getting that heart right is the hardest thing to do!  I've known many people who lived a lie, they looked good but they really weren't inside.  Those "card houses" always fell apart and then the person was exposed.  I don't want to be like that....I want to make it in, victoriously!   I don't want my marriage, or my family to fall apart and be seen as nothing.....  I don't want to "play" around with God or with Life.  I want to be real and honest.

But I don't want anyone to think they have to be a certain way or perfect for God to love or use them.

One of the funniest yet holiest things that has ever happened to me is when the woman came up to me at the mall and gave me a world from God.  ONLY I would get a word from God in a mall.  Most people "get words" from some swanky evangelist at a church service with the music playing softly in the background....well not me...I'm in the food court of a mall with rock music blaring and I get the most important word from God that I have ever gotten before   "do NOT Fear"   It still blows me away that God would prepare me before such an ordeal..... 

*******if you don't know the story and are new to my blog********

About a month after we'd adopted the girls, I was at a Tampa Mall with a good friend (who is not really the most spiritual friend I have, I don't mean that disparaging but it wasn't like we were there having a bible study ok!) and all the kids. A lady comes up to me in the bathroom as I am getting ready to change Selah & Sam.   She said that God told her to share something with me.  As you can imagine I get people coming up to me all the time living in the bible belt....lots of folks want to bother me and pray for the kids and most of the time it is very inappropriate.  THIS time it was different, something was different about this woman.  She prayed for Sam and then for Selah, she spent a lot of time praying for Selah.  I was really thinking, Selah has the least issues of all three I wonder why this lady is praying so hard for her.  She then came and met the rest of the kids and perhaps she prayed for Sarah, I'm not 100% sure. She then told me three things...
Something big is ahead for your family
Many will see
Do NOT be afraid
That was the gist of it.  I did say to her, that we wanted to adopt again, maybe that was what God was saying...and I remember she shook her head no and said she didn't think it had anything to do with adoption. WHEN the accident happened, I remember this word.....I held onto it so tightly.  I don't know why IF God knew (which of course He did) that He didn't prevent it BUT regardless I have held onto the Do no be afraid   I've repeated that over and over again to myself and it's been a comfort.  I'm afraid being the skeptic that I am, I didn't listen as hard as I should have, we talked for awhile.  Maybe God spoke more things into my life than what I can remember .....I don't know but I know I didn't give that encounter the attention it would get NOW if I could go back!

Now in the day to day walking out of my life, I feel like the brown grass and leaves outside my window.  I'm dry.  It's been hard. BUT I'm going to keep holding on.  That was the last word I heard and I will trust if God wants to give me anything else He will but for now, I'm not to be afraid!  It's been hard at times not to have FEAR rise up in my heart.  I so understand why God told me not to be afraid.  I'm a fearful person in some ways.  There are some crazy things I might do rather fearlessly but I fear the unknown and sometimes the known things of life.  I feel like I've had too much experience and I know what CAN happen, so therefore I fear and worry at times.  That word has helped me face things that most of you haven't had to face without completely going to pieces. 

So I don't know where you are in life but know there is no one who is perfect, no one who is put together but there is a God who can right your life, a God who is the Prince of Peace and a God who forgives!  He can change you from this time forward.  I know God is perfecting me, although I have a long way to go LOL! 


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Today Jon went to visit his dad and stopped by his best friend's house to see his mom too.  Mrs Buckner has started painting.  she gave us this first picture a few years ago and it is perfect in our living room  Sorry this isn't the best picture of the picture but we have enjoyed it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today she gave Jon this one for me.  I had admired it before.  It really looks like it looks behind my house.  I love this!!!  Yes I know I should get both of them framed and that is my new goal. 

 

 

 

Sam & Sarah had their speech therapist start today.  In spite of the wait, it seems to have been worth it.  Both kids took to the teacher quite well.  We really all worked together and she is starting Sam on a communication system that he seems to understand the rudimentary session today.  The session today focused on him handing me a card with a raised picture on it whenever he wanted a piece of popcorn.   He did enjoy it and seemed to have gotten it:)   Sarah worked well with the teacher also and didn't have some of the clingy behaviors she's had some, with all the new teachers. 

 

Well I'll finish my ramblings for tonight!   My last few weeks of blogs have been short, guess I had to make up for them!

 

 

Trusting

Today I got the results back from the first urology test.  No cancer cells were found:)   I still have two more tests to go in that area and the one is awful!   Thanks for your continued prayers.  Next week, I have 3 appointments! So gynecology testing is done and everything is fine, cyst is gone and now this test is good!  I'm hooping everything else will be ok too.

I've had lots of thought swirling around in my head for a blog (besides the boring fact filled blogs that I've been writing)  Having all these tests (and the need to have them done) is rather sobering.  I have faced some fears.  Most of the time, I push it down cuz "Aint' Nobody got time for that!"  I try to think there is a time to worry BUT at least wait until I have something REAL to worry about before I worry LOL!   God has really helped me to NOT focus on the tests and the "what-if's"  It's been very unlike me NOT to be totally freaking out, although that could change at any moment!  LOL  But again, I've seen that GOD is our very present Help in times of trouble. 

I don't like unknowns, I like a nice tidy well ordered life.  I've never had it BUT I like it!  My dream is to have a nice tidy well ordered life...... 

There's a joke that ministers say "I love the ministry, it's the people that make it hard"  LOL well I love LIFE but life tends to be hard!  You can never be safe enough or have the right plans for every situation.   I HATE being out of control.....so you can imagine how much I've had to learn about leaning into God and trusting Him. 

Everyone has the ONE thing (or perhaps more than one) they have to find Victory over....mine has been learning to trust God.   I like to be in control!   I'm good at planning, I can plan my life AND your life and I'd probably do good with it.  Sometimes I can just look at things, and know how things could work for a person.  I'm one of those people who help others connect, I've always been like that.  But it is hard for me to take my life and the lives of my family and lay them down at the feet of Jesus....  It's hard for me to say "not my will but Thine be done"  That is so very hard for me. 

You see I had to order my life, I had to plan it and be in control from early on so I don't trust other people's decisions, intentions or their skill at making decisions for me.  That is good in one way but not when it transitions over to God!   In reality, having that skill has protected me and my family from a lot of heartache and trouble.  Believe me there are very few people I trust, very few.  not that I necessarily am hostile to anyone, I just won't allow anyone close until I really know I can.  My husband always kids me about my friendships, he swears a person isn't considered a friend until I've known them 20 years or so.  But even with my deepest, long term, close, seen me at my worst, friends, I still hold back some.  I hold back some with my husband,  sometimes I hate that I'm like that but it's a self preservation skill I learned a long time ago. 

So even with the God of this universe, I hold back.  I'll think something like "well God took care of us last time BUT will He do it again next time?"    It's silly of me I know!  I think things like that all the time.  Now I know God will take care of us everytime, I know it in my mind, but sometimes it's not so clear in my emotions.  "Well God walked with us through THAT but will HE through THIS?"

Tell me you don't think the same sometime.....  Maybe by the time I'm 90 years old, I will have licked this battle and be full of faith everytime. 

I love that old song "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus"   it is sweet...nothing is sweeter but it's not always easy to do!

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Update on Ukraine.....

Please pray!

http://wideawakefamily.com/2014/01/23/so-we-stand/?blogsub=confirming#subscribe-blog
a good blog a friend posted today

http://cardinaldolan.org/index.php/supporting-the-euro-maiden-movement-in-ukraine/ 
this is a FB page to like and follow that will tell you what is going on in Ukraine.  It's the official group for the movement

My heart is just sad to see the pictures on tv of this conflict but I pray for Ukraine that God will use this to bring them a freedom they've never had.  Ukraine is a wonderful country, they've had such a hard history.   It's time for them to have freedom.  I pray that the sacrifice the protesters are making will be seen.

I've heard the American embassy was surrounded today by pro-governmental protesters .   They are accusing the US of funding the pro freedom protestors.  Please pray that adopting families will be able to get out as you have to go to the embassy to have your child's paperwork done to come into the US! 

So much going on......

Pray for Ukraine!

My poor Canadian friends....I'm getting your comments and feeling guilty!  I wouldn't know what to do in below zero weather.  This below freezing (for a few hours) is bad enough LOL  But it's cold for Florida.  I MADE myself go walking today and it was in the 50's and I was freezing.  What a wimp I am!

We lived in NYC in the 90's and must have had really mild winters.  There was one huge snow storm BUT we were on vacation in Florida so we missed it except for the pictures they took.   The last year we lived up there, we had moved over to New Jersey to live in the 'burbs and we got 26 inches of snow on April 1st!  That was wild and our one big snow storm:)  I actually was about 28 before I saw snow, other than one little flurry in 1977 (that we ALL still talk about LOL!  I know where I was when it happened and I ran outside in flip flops LOL)   So cold weather and snow are a novelty to us, kind of like hurricanes are to Canadians. 

Tonight I cooked pork chops, yellow rice, mac& cheese, homemade cornbread.....for supper.  Yep a carb feast!  Well we have grapes for dessert! My house is smelling good, while we are waiting on Jon to get home.  We really do try to eat together nightly.

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My heart is troubled for Ukraine as I see news reports of the government's crackdown.  We are getting conflicting reports of how many have been killed.  First I heard 3, now I'm hearing 2,  wondering if they mean 2 more have been killed?   As I've said before, I love Ukraine like it was my homeland.  I can not explain why I love it so much.  We were there long enough for the reality of the lives of the regular Ukraine people to be seen by us.  It is a harsh way of life.  But I loved it.  We honestly entertained thoughts of moving there and working as missionaries and in the orphanages.   I've been to other countries, I've never felt the pull like I feel even still from Ukraine. 

Right now I've got several friends in Ukraine still working on adoptions.  I pray that  the unrest does not affect adoptions, but how can it not evidently? 

Ukraine's history is so sad, I pray that God will allow more freedom in their country and that there will be more religious freedom and hunger for God.  Ukraine is a rather hopeless place in some ways.  Many families say they feel a spiritual heaviness in Ukraine, we did not but we were surrounded by some amazing God fearing people.  Within hours of landing in Ukraine, we found a church from our denomination  to attend in Kiev and went to the Sunday service.  Once we were in Torez, we found a Pentecostal church that we attended and fellowshipped with the believers.  We had a wonderful facilator who was very interested in spiritual things.  We saw a lot of sad things, but on the other hand we saw many wonderful things. 

When I think of the conflict, I think of how it could affect our dear friends and the orphans.  It could mean some very hard times for all of them!

Please pray for Ukraine! 

Mom's medical update

Ok I'm back from my break:)

Yesterday I had another doctor's appointment.  I have like 4 unrelated issues and I'm getting them resolved so I don't have worry in the back of my mind anymore!  So yesterday was the urologist....I have bladder spasms or something painful.  I've decided to have all the testing done, I can deal with the infrequent pain as long as I know there is nothing serious going on.    I could cry cause I've had the scope test before...asleep .... like I will this time and had so much pain afterwards....  UGH!  But I feel like I have lots of people depending on me and I need to make sure there is nothing serious causing the problem.  It's scheduled for February. 

The funny thing is he looked at my med's list.  I only take one pill infrequently for panic attacks.  He told me the pill has been used to deal with the kind of spasms I have!  I take it so rarely, that I've not seen a change but he asked me to take it for a week solid and see if the pains go away.  It was also used as an allergy pill too .....SO it MUST be a wonder drug!  It can take away panic attacks, dry up your nose and make your bladder quit having spasms   LOL   the only down side is it makes me sleepy and feel "woolen headed" LOL   I hate that feeling!  But it seems after I eat, I feel better.... so I'll be happy and fat taking this pill!

Everyone is doing good Selah has had no issues except she continues to need to be suctioned more often.  I think it is tied to her having her Toby meds going. 

We are supposed to have "winter" for a week, there is a cold front coming in.  I went to the library and got myself a ton of books....I'm ready LOL!  I'm jealous of all the snow most of the US is getting.  I've only been in a real snowstorm ONCE and it was fun.  We just stayed in and everything was so cozy!  Steve was a one year old and such a cutey!   How did he grow up so quick?

Hope you all stay warm & safe!

Sundays

Sundays are great but they can be exhausting for a pastor & his family.  We had another great Sunday with a special singer, Gloria Elliott.  But now I'm in my fleeced PJ's checking my emails, fb and doing a quick update on my blog.  By the end of Sunday, there is always a sign of relief that it is over to be honest....I don't think there is any pastor who would not agree with me (unless they were trying to prove how "spiritual" they were....I'm not ....LOL) 

One of the nicest things was we welcomed two new members into our church!  Joe & Caroline joined this morning:)   Eight new members in 2 weeks!  Love it!!!!!  And love them, two of the sweetest people:)

Tomorrow Jon & Shad have off...yeah!  I have a doctor's appointment in the morning but the rest of the day is free!

Last night I found the report from my last thyroid ultrasound almost 4 years ago and it made me feel much better.  Back then the cyst in question was 1cm....now it is only 1.2 cm....  meaning it grew just 2mm in 4 years....WHEW!  After reading that last report it encouraged me.  I somewhat feel like the medical group I am going to tends to send patients to specialists for everything as the group has their own specialists, therefore it makes them more money to refer someone.  Not that this shouldn't be checked out but the language on the report is so different (in an alarmist way) than the other reports I have going back 7 years.  Anyhow....I'm calming down a bit!

Well it is cold here in Florida!  Sometimes it is cold in the norming, and you dress accordingly THEN by lunch time you are dying of heat exhaustion!   Not so today!  I wore a sweater dress all day and was quite comfortable:) 

We are going to sit and watch a movie tonight and eat popcorm:)  Hope you have a good night and a nice day off tomorrow (if you have the day off!)

Keep Trusting!

Quiet day for us here.  Jon did a funeral for a former inmate's mom and Shad went with him.  When they were leaving I was talking to Shad and reminding him to stay right with his dad and behave.  I thanked him for wanting to go to the funeral and asked him why he thought it was important to go.  He said  "so they can see how good I am"  AFTER I finished laughing....I told him the importance of going to a funeral was to show support for the person's family.  He came home and told me all about it.  Jon said that Shad solemnly shook hands with everyone:)   Who knows if Shad doesn't become a preacher:)

My friend Christy laid her husband to rest today.  My mind was on her all day and I prayed for her throughout the day.  I want to share her FB  post

Though my heart is broken, I look toward the future with hope. Hope in Savior who hears me when I cry. Hope in the Christ who forgives all my sin. Hope in life eternal. And, hope in hearing the voice of my Steve as he yells my name when I near the end of my race on earth and cross that finish line into pearly gates of Heaven and walk on the streets of gold as together, we proclaim the only name that matters.....JESUS!

What an incredible faith filled post!   That post encourages me more than anything I've read lately!  Here she is facing a day in which she is to bury her husband, the father of her 5 children and yet she can write this......  she has had to walk through fire this week but yet she is holding onto to Jesus.  She has chosen (and believe me it is a choice) not to charge God foolishly but rather to hold onto Him tightly.  We will all face something like this in our life.  We have the choice to hold to God through it or to lash out at God bitterly....  I've done both and I've learned there is nothing like the Everlasting Arms of our Savior wrapping around you at the moment you think you can't even breath any longer....

God is a good good God, life can be and will be hard at times but God is still good.  I've tested Him and found it is true.  He's a God you can trust even when your heart is breaking!  I know He is and so does Christy.....how about you?  Learn to trust God with your life.  It's not always the easiest thing but nothing in this world is like the peace of God.

Christy sung at the funeral (she and Steve have always been musical)  I saw the ending of her song, I hope someone posts the whole song.  That was amazing to me!  I'm so proud to have a friend who is clinging so close to the Lord at a time like this in her life!   She encourages me to hold onto God tighter and to not give up.....  I'm not really talking about not giving up about a miracle for Selah.  I'm talking about not giving up my faith because we haven't had a miracle.  She didn't get the miracle I'm sure they prayed for BUT she is still trusting God.  She hasn't left God, she hasn't turned her back on Him just because He didn't hear her cry and restore her husband....she is looking forward to THAT day when all will be made right...all will be restored.  That kind of faith, encourages my faith and I hope yours too!

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some pictures......

Little sisters:)  these kittens are so sweet & good.  We are enjoying having them!

 

 

 

some more love....Sam and daddy!

 

 

 

 

 

Baby it's cold outside but Shad was pushing Sarah who was loving it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

this picture was taken last night.  I bet they'll all be snuggled up together soon.  Brownie is such a sweet dog, she loves her cat friends.  there are a couple she sleeps with outside.  the little babies didn't know what to think of her at first but they are seeing she ignores them but she loves to snuggle so I bet I'll walk back there and see them sleeping together.

 

 

 

http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/18/health/fish-oil-recovery/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

 

some of you may have seen the CNN article above, it mentions Selah!  she obviously did not improve as much as some of the patients who had had a traumatic brain injury to a specific part of the brain BUT she has a marked improvement from day 1 on the fish oil. ( TMIs that do not include the WHOLE brain are much easier to recover from  Selah had a whole brain injury)    she is still on it now over a year later.  Some of her doctors feel it has contributed to her good muscle/skeleton tone.  As well as neurologically helping her.  I love when I'm told OVER & OVER again that she is so much better than anyone would expect from a child who was without a heart beat for 45 minutes.  I LOVE going to a new doctor who has her record....and then they see her and are shocked at how good is doing.   I know she still has a long long way to go but compared to how most people in her situation would be....she is far far far from that!  Thank God and I'm thankful for Dr Sears and his research.   We and everyone involved in her care feel the fish oil has made a huge difference in the quality of her life in every area.

 

She got a bath today and did not appreciate it LOL  she was very awake and not happy with us but the nurse and I both took an end and got it done asap so she wouldn't be too mad.  It was a bit cool today!

 

 

Please pray for Christy and her dear family, Selah, me (I'm really trying to trust God) and a family I just read about today who has been following our story also.  Their son is very ill, he is adopted from Ukraine. 

 http://childrenpreciousinhissight.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-sweetest-face.html 

 

 

 

Southeastern University!

 

 

Today was Southeastern Day for Steve.  We took him and had some seminars, tours lunch and appointments. Above is the dorm I lived in my first year of college (30 years ago this Fall)

 

 

 

 

Surprise!  A friend Steve used to go to school with sat right in front of us and shared lunch with us.

 

 

 

SEC friends do you remember Sammy?  He used to hang out at SEC and still does!  Time is moving on tho and Sammy is now grey.  I couldn't believe it when I saw him, right in front of the snack bar just like years ago!

The Chapel where we spent a lot of time:)

 

Love this picture of Jon and Steve

 

 

 

Me and my baby (with no beard)

 

 

 

 

Bye Bye  (sniff sniff)

 

I took a picture here on the back dock years ago so we walked out there today.  It's where the old trailer park used to be but now SEU has bought all of that area and turned it into a parking lot. 

 

We had a great day hanging out with Steve, getting more info about the university and planning:)

 

 

the little ones had some friend of ours keep them and they had a good day.  Selah has had a great day too. 

 

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Some cute animal pictures from last night.

 

 

Brownie was happy on her bed

 

 

 Baby kittens were happy in their bed.  They are getting used to the dog.  It was so funny to watch them at first, they'd fluff up and Brownie just ignored them.

 

this is not staged....shad falls asleep really easily.  He was having such a good time playing with the cats that he fell asleep with his head in the cat box.  He loves his kittens! 

 

 

 

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thank you for all your kind words and messages.  I did get my doctor's appointment moved up to the end of January.  I'm fighting "terror" at times but trying to stay positive.  I don't do good with medical stuff for myself at all!!!