Square Dance

 

 

Last night our family had a blast at an old fashioned square dance.  Jon & I both took square dancing during PE in high school.....but we learned that had been many  years ago LOL! It took us awhile to catch on.   But we had a blast.  I started out in heels, ended the night in tennis shoes and hardly being able to move!  (took 2 aspirins when I got home and put myself to bed!)  Loved seeing Steve dancing the night away with some friends.  Shad even got into it.  Shad was doing the "limbo".  There was also some line dancing, one dance I really caught on to, some of the other ones, were a bit too much for me.  What a fun night for our family.  Sam & Sarah sat and listened to the music.  When the hall cleared out some, we danced with them and Sarah walked all over in her walker. 

 

 

Here's me and Jon from the back:)

 

 

Today our church had a church luncheon.  Fun times but I'm so tired I feel like somebody beat me with a stick!  But it's been a great weekend, planning on going to bed early tonight!!!!

 

Everyone is doing good, we've had a wonderful weekend here in sunny Florida! 

 

 

 



 

 

Happy Valentine's Day

Jon outdid himself this year.  I'm not into flowers or candy but I love that he wants me to have someone come in to deep clean our house once a month and he got me gift cards to go out to eat, enough to bring all our little Valentines with us:)  Steve vacuumed out the van for me, I'm simple, I love to have things neat and clean so it made me happy! 

Our nurse had an appointment and I got to be alone with Selah for awhile.  It was really nice to spend one on one time with her.  I so appreciate our nurses but I don't mind taking care of her by myself either.  It gives us time to bond, without people around all the time.  There are times when I miss all the nights that used to seem so hard doing all the nursing.  But with having to take care of the other kids, it's hard.  I did enjoy today. 


We're enjoying a cool Florida day, Jon is walking Sarah outside in her new walker, Steve is practicing for his percussion group, Shad is running outside and Sam is napping.  Selah is in her stander, all is good in the Clanton world.  Thanks for your continued prayer and support:)

Career mom vs. Stay at home mom

My crazy blog continues.  There seems to be some glitch in posting pictures.  This has happened before, hope to get it fixed soon.   I have some great birthday pictures of Sam and the family.  We had a great night and he is loving his present, his own iPod:)  He is a music lover to say the least.  Hopefully I'll be able to post the pictures soon.

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Yesterday I was near my old office doing some errands so I stopped by with the kids.  I quit work when Sam was born so it's been 10 years....the building hasn't changed one bit.  The funniest thing is I had a small cut on my finger that would NOT stop bleeding so I ask the receptionist to give me a Band-Aid from the medical kit.  She was new and didn't know where it was, I told her where to look and the same kit was there from 10 years ago.  That made me really  LOL!

There has always been the big debate especially in Christian circles about career moms  vs. stay at home moms.  Usually the working mom is displayed as not as spiritual.  I've been both and I truly hate to hear when a stay at home mom goes on and on about how hard her job is and how much she is worth.....  A working mom does all that a stay at home mom does AND works a job! 

For me, I wanted a career, I never really thought about staying at home with my kids (actually I didn't think much about having kids!)  .  Having a college degree, I meant to use it!  I worked for 4 or 5 years for a contracted agency under the Department of Juvenile Justice, right after college.  I enjoyed my job back then a lot.  We then moved to NYC and I worked in the ministry with my husband, with regular work hours.  After Steve was born, I did stay home some but I was also able to take him to work with me some.  When we moved back home, I knew I'd need to go back to work full time and THAT was hard for me.  I did not want to leave my 2 year old all day.  He on the other hand was quite fine with it!  For the first year, his aunt kept him and then he went to daycare.  Daycare is a pain in the butt if you've ever had to deal with it, you'll know what I mean.  Steve was at the first daycare 6 weeks and it closed....we had to scramble to find another one.  Then he was at one for a year or so and it went downhill....then we went to another one for a few months and it closed....so finally by the time he was 4 years old we found the perfect one for us and for him.  It was great once we got settled.  The good thing is that preschool was connected to Christian school, which he attended through 5th grade. 

Jon and I worked hard to ensure we spent as much time with Steve as possible, when Steve was in preschool.  Jon was able to work his schedule so he didn't go in till noon so Steve was able to stay home till 11am with Dad.  Then I'd go into work earlier and tried to get off early, sometimes by 4 pm so I could pick him up early.  And "back in the day" I was able to bring him into work at times. 

Once he started kindergarten, I no longer felt guilt about working because even if I didn't work, he'd been in school anyhow.  We were lucky, Steve always enjoyed daycare and after school care.  He never cried when he was dropped off.  I cried a few time after I'd dropped him off.   It was hard for me at times. 

Once I was pregnant with Sam, I found a daycare that would have taken him at 2 months.  I had him signed up on the wait list.....but Sam changed all of that!

When I realized I couldn't go back to work after Sam was born, because he was too medically fragile for daycare, things changed quickly for us!  Thankfully we were not in too much debt.  We paid off everything that we could and really learned to make do with less.  Soon after Sam was born, our lease was up on our house.   In Florida if you work at the prison, you can live on the campus, they have trailer lots.  We bought a used mobile home, moved it out there and had no monthly lease or mortgage payments.  That cut down on much of our expenses.  Jon could literally walk to work if he wanted to.  It was a crazy time but we were all together and that part was nice.  We were lucky, we were able to cut back tremendously and we made some really good financial decisions in those first few months that helped us.  We were able to pull some money out and pay off bills.   We did NOT want to have to declare bankruptcy and thank God we did not have to.  Our income went down more than 50%, I was a probation supervisor and I made more than my husband.  Also because I was administration, our health care was paid for completely.  So when I quit, the income and the perks were gone.  But we learned to deal with the it. 

So then I became a stay at home mom.  Of course my situation was different than some, as I was dealing with a very sick fragile baby but I did enjoy the extra time with my family.

It's been 10 year now.  There are times when Jon leaves for work that I wish I was going too.  Not so much to be away from my kids, but because I enjoyed working (for the most part)  I was good at my job, it was a bit stressful but it worked for me.  Now looking back, I do see that it was a "dark" job, if that makes sense.  Working with criminals for years, can make you despair of the human race at times.  But it was always interesting.   I was a juvenile probation officer, then I became a Senior probation officer.  At that time, I took over all the committed felony cases for our area.  I dealt with the lock down facilities and the ones who were in the adult system also.  When I became a supervisor, I supervised probation officers who were handling all those type of cases for the county.  To be quite honest, I HATED being a supervisor.   Being an officer, I did my work well and never had much to worry about.....when I supervised people, I quickly found out not everyone did their work like I did and I could get fired if one of my workers made any serious mistakes!  Thankfully nothing like that ever happened to me!  But it was more stressful supervising others than just doing my own work! 

Personally, I don't necessarily think that kids who have stay at home moms do a lot better once they are adults than kids whose moms worked.  Looking at my circle of friends, most of my closest friends have worked at least part of their kids' childhoods.  Some worked the whole time.  Most of my friends have worked career type jobs with stable hours and quite a few are teachers who had close to the same schedule as their children had.  I have few friends who have stayed home completely with their kids but looking at others that I know, there doesn't seem to be that much difference in the young adults and their success/failure rate or whether or not they are Christians.  It seems many young adults have issues in their early adult age whether they had stay at home moms, or if their moms worked.  I do think there are other factors that may determine whether a teen struggles a bit more in certain areas but that is for another blog post. 

So in a perfect world, I'd say do what works best for your family and what is in your heart.  Of course there are moms who work and it is not what they want to do but what they have to do to help their family.  I know it was very hard for me to leave Steve when he was young.  But we needed my income and it was very hard when I had to quit work.  We were blessed that we had family who were involved and helpful in our lives and the fact that we didn't have terrible debts.  But it was a scary time financially. 

Since I've been a working mom AND a stay at home mom, I see both sides.  One great thing about being a stay at home mom, is time with your children.  You can never buy time back......  Just yesterday after we left my old office, I told Steve how much I've enjoyed the extra time I've gotten to spend with him in the past 10 years.  A job is not more important than TIME with your children and family.  But for many a job is what keeps the family together.  There are many single moms who have to work hard to provide for their children.  In this time of high unemployment, there are moms who are the breadwinner in the family. For us personally, my husband is a minster and a chaplain....neither pay much!  He has chosen not to take a salary for our church as it is a small church and that decision has freed the church up to be able to do many of the repairs and upgrades needed here.  As a chaplain, working for the state, it's not a big salary! 

So at this point in my life, we have a unique family situation that takes more of my time and involvement that many families have.  I don't see myself going back to work a career type job at all.  IF I did, it would NOT be in the criminal justice system......I did my time....about 12 years so I'm good! 

I think what I lean towards would be a career of sharing our story, by writing and speaking, due to our unique life.  If I were to go back to a 8-5 type of job, I'd like to work as a vision teacher for preschool aged clients and their families.   The two vision teachers we had from Blind Services helped us as a family learn how to raise a blind child and what they taught us, has been our building blocks!  But I don't want to have to go back and get another Master's degree which is what it would take for me to be accredited.  You'd think they'd just take Sam's word for it LOL!

But to every mom who is reading this.....don't be ashamed for whatever decision you make!  Most moms work because the need is there.  If that is the case, be thankful you have a job.  There is a part of me that is torn, I personally would rather stay home with my kids (95% of the time) but I do understand women who have careers and enjoy their careers.  I'm somewhat of a feminist, in that I support a woman's right to work, make the same as a man, be promoted for the good job she does.....  Personally I never was blocked as a female in any jobs or promotions as an adult.  As a teen I had a couple of horrendous experiences with groping bosses!   But don't look down on other moms who chose to stay home with their kids!

If you are a stay at home mom, don't be ashamed of it.  It's a blessing to be with your children.  BUT also don't be thinking you are so much more spiritual either!  

Again personally I'm thankful for all the time I have with my kids, I certainly never thought I'd be able to be a stay at home mom BUT we do not live the average middle class lifestyle.  There are many things we have chosen to give up in order for me to be able to take care of the children full time.  We don't go on big vacations, or have a lot of extra things.  We've struggled over the years to ensure our boys stayed in private school.  Having them in private school was very important to us.   I shop at thrift store, and buy brand new things only on sale. We only bought older vehicles that we paid cash for.   We are blessed that our church provides a parsonage so we don't have a big monthly house payment. 


There are pros and cons to every situation.  There are good things about working outside the home and good things about being a stay at home mom.  Staying home, I don't get up and have to get ready to be in court in dress clothes every day.  I can stay in my PJ's till noon if I want, although I have so many people in and out of my home every day I tend to try and get up and be presentable early!  


Everyone has a different story and situation.  And the situation you are in right now may change in time.  But I just had in on my heart to write this to encourage you to be content whether you are a career mom or stay at home mom. 

My Crazy Blog

I have such great pictures I was going to share tonight but my blog has gone absolutely nutso.....every now and then my blog will not cooperate with pictures.   I had a really good blog ready to honor Sam but it will have to be for another day since I am tired from all the partying and ready to go to bed!

In a nutshell we've had a wonderful day celebrating Sam's 10th birthday:)  He is one happy boy!

I promise pictures tomorrow, hopefully and the whole scope:)

This was my FB post today....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM! Can't believe he is 10 years old. He is the most life changing gift that I've ever been given. God allowed his little life and his little life helped change the future of three other children. If God had not given us Sam, we would have never even thought to adopt Shad, Sarah or Selah. So he has done more in his 10 years than most people have done in a lifetime. Every life... is precious, some people may see Sam as just a disabled blind child, maybe even a drain on society....BUT that is not how God sees his little precious life & that's not how we see him. He is a gift that is more precious to me than anything else. He changed my life, for so much better than it was before him:) It was scary handing over the "normal" dreams that we had for our son but God helped us not to be bitter but to look forward and that changed everything. Happy birthday Sam!

 

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Ok for the last two days if "seems" like Selah is bringing her hands together and resting them on her tummy.   This is something she has never done and now 2 of her nurses have seen her do this.  We really don't know what to think.  No one has "positioned' her but we are wondering if her hands just "accidently" came together or is this a real thing she is doing?   If so, this is big.  We will have to see if this continues.  There is this whole thing about "the midline" and kids doing things like this as a development stage.  Please pray that it is something she is doing and that she will continue doing it!!!!

 

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Sarah is doing great with her new walker!  Her PT can tell the difference already with the new walker as we are using it everytime she goes out.  She is loving her new walker and is ready to get in it and GO! 

Ten years ago......

Ten years ago...I was having steroid shots in preparation for the very premature birth of my Sam, not knowing what the next day would bring. We didn't know if he'd survive his birth (planned c-section due to no ammonic fluid & little growth on his part) as I hoped & prayed that day that we wouldn't have to go through another loss....I had NO idea of the adventure I was really about to embark on....so thankful I've gotten the chance to be Sam's mama!!!!

I remember many details of the day before Sam's birth.  I went into my office for really the last time to say goodbye and let people know what was going on, at that time I thought I'd be back to work in a couple of months if all went well.  Then I went to the hospital for the 2nd very painful steroid shot.  They showed me around the NICU....NOT the best thing for me.  I saw babies smaller than anything I'd ever seen before.  The nurses had a little bed already prepared for Sam with his name on it.  That totally freaked me out.  I was so scared & upset after seeing the NICU!   (I don't really like to know about reality until it happens LOL)

Got home to our septic system being pumped out....nice. Back then home was a "huge" compared to now, house in suburbia with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, a screened in patio, fireplace, walk in closets...  I laugh now, what did Jon, Steve and me need all that room for?  We didn't know how lonely we all were!

Jon took me to the mall to buy some PJ's.  Until the day before I'd been on bedrest for months so this was my only time to shop before his birth.  The day before the doctor had decided that Sam was in more danger in than out so it was time for him to be born.  But they gave me the steroid shots two days in a row to help his lungs mature faster. It really worked and he had little problems compared to some preemies. 

My OB doctor was a nice guy, I was actually friends with his daughter so we had a good relationship.  When he informed me that he thought it best to take Sam by C-section at barely 32 weeks, I was in such shock.  During the pregnancy I hadn't really gained weight, seldom felt Sam move, so I really didn't feel like I was pregnant!  It felt WAY TOO soon to be having a baby.  Well I guess I was in such shock that I didn't say anything to him.  He walked out, then walked back in because he later told me he was afraid I was going to faint!  LOL  He said he had never known me to be speechless:)

That night I held Steve close, I was afraid, I'd never had really had a surgery but when they took the twins and that didn't turn out so good for me.  So I didn't know what to expect.  I also held my little tiny baby bump because I didn't know if that might be our last night together. 

Our doctor really took major precautions based on what had happened to me with the twins.  He told me there would be no dying on his shift.  My doctor passed away a few years ago, suddenly from a horrible form of cancer, I hope he was well taken care of during that time because he showed us a lot of concern and care.  He didn't know why Sam was doing so poorly, barely growing, not moving so he did gently talk to me about things.  We had planned for me to have a tubal ligation since I was already having a C-section but he was honest and told me he just didn't know how things were going to go at delivery so he thought we should hold off on doing that in case Sam didn't survive. 
(Now we know that probably a lot of the problem was that Sam had Peter's Anomaly and it has really affected his growth.)

It was an emotional day, ten years ago.  It seems so long ago yet such a short time.  Sam has been nothing but an adventure since before day 1!  but I wouldn't have him any other way!!!

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We had a good but very busy weekend.  Everyone is well, Selah has seemed really alert the last two days.  Church was great, our highest attendance yet!  Our teens begin practicing for their Fine Art's performance in a percussion band.  It's exciting to see things come together like it has. 

School

This morning we had the final IEP meeting in relation to the three little ones schooling for this year. This 2 plus hour meeting went over all the recommendations and services they will receive.  I agree with the majority of it, just wanted Sarah and Sam to get O&M (orientation and mobility) more time than they get it weekly.  I'm glad to be done with meetings!!!!!  I'm sure the school board personnel are also glad to be done with us!  I do feel we have made better progress this year than any year since I've been dealing with the public school system.

One good idea that was brought up was the possibility of Sam and Sarah going to school next year using a McKay scholarship..  A McKay pays for a child to go to any school, public or private in the state of Florida, as long as the child has an Individual Education Plan (IEP)* or 504 Accommodation Plan.  It's a school choice program.  Our son's school takes Mckay scholarships.  So this idea was floated around today.  After I left the meeting I called our principal and talked to him about it.  We had discussed it after the girls were adopted and before the accident happened so he recalled our conversation.  The funny thing, one of my closest friends who works there had just talked to him about a special needs classroom, just yesterday!  And she and I had NOT discussed this since before the accident!  How funny!

So we had a good talk, I brought in their current IEPs and we are going from there......I'm even hoping that my close friend may end up as their teacher if this all works out!  To be honest, it is a good thing I'm going to a psychiatrist soon.......this is a big change for me to even seriously think about.  Sam has always had such underlying medical issues, that it is hard for me to trust anyone with him but I know I could trust if my friend was their direct teacher.  I've worried for Sarah that a school setting might seem more like an institution to her.  I don't want to freak her out emotionally. 

If this works out, then all the younger children would be in school.  Steve at college and Selah with her nurse....I may actually get some of my work done.  It would take off some of the stress but then replace it with some other type of stress.  LOL  I have ALREADY started worrying thank you very much:)  I bet that Sam has never been without me, Jon or Steve for anymore than maybe 24 hours of his life, I can only think of three times that I've left him with someone besides the three of us!  Sarah has been left twice for a few hours since we've had her.  Those are 2 of the 3 times I've ever left him.....   With a child that is non verbal, it is hard to leave them.  I've never really used many babysitters, even for Steve.

So my life may really be about to change!  We'll see how things go. 

Thanks for all the kind remarks I got regarding yesterday's blog.  I never know how people will take things.  So I never know if the comments/emails will be positive or negative.  Thanks for being positive!

It's a chilly rainy day in Florida.  We got Chinese for a late lunch and I'm ready to go fall out and sleep for a month:)  Steve and Shad went off to see a movie.  It's nice to have someone else driving, but I'm just letting him start to drive the kids without us in the van.  Selah is doing good. 

Hope you all have a good weekend and please remember Selah in your prayers!

HELP!

Do you get overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities of life? I surely do! I feel I'm drowning in all the duties of my life and doing none of them very good. 

I used to be such an organized person.  Even after we had five children, I had everything done, organized and cleaned.   But since the accident, I can not concentrate on things very well.   I was such a focused person but I cannot maintain focus still.  Some days are a bit better than others.  It's not like I'm sitting around all day doing nothing, I keep busy but not focused.  It is so frustrating to me!

Today I made some decisions that I think will help me.  I bought a big notebook to keep track of the "to do list" as well as other things.  That along with the calendar should help me.   Recently I've used about four different notebooks as well as backs of envelopes, that would get lost....so this has to be better. 

 

We keep our house picked up and as clutter free as possible but I don't have time to deep clean very often so I've found someone to clean my house deep once a month.  To me, this is a bit humbling but at this point in life, I have people in and out of my home day & night, there is just not enough time to do this and I can't stand things not clean!

I've asked someone to take over some of the paperwork responsibilities of the church.

And this may shock some of you but I've made an appointment with a psychiatrist.  The appointment has been made for more than a month but it's like a relief to know I have the appointment set.  Some may see this as a cop out but I recognize the stress I'm under and how I'm dealing with it.  The stress of my life is not going to go away.  Sometimes a person can be in a stressful situation for a short time and can deal with it.  I've been in this extreme situation for a year and a half.  There are so very many different facets to our situation that it is just unreal.  Our lives were changed for the better when we had Sam, adopted Shad, and adopted the girls.  But with each thing came more stress and more responsibility .  Then the accident and the ongoing status of Selah is incredibly hard to wrap your mind around.   I've been asked if I am depressed and really I don't think so.  Because I do have a hope beyond this life, I know one day everything will be ok.  I look forward to that future time but I also look forward to things in our lives now.  We have a lot of responsibilities but we are really pretty happy people.  I've been depressed before, like after the death of the twins and that is not how I feel now at all.  I do feel grief sometimes that overwhelms me about Selah.  But overall, I look forward to what life has in store for us.  There are so many things going on GOOD in our lives right now. 

But what I have the hardest thing dealing with is the lack of focus day to day and the anxiety that something else bad will happen to one of us.  I joke around with my close friends, who all tend to have the same sense of humor I have, and say as long as I worry about it....IT will NOT happen.  For example, one of my friends was going back home on a plane and I made sure I worried about it crashing for her so then it wouldn't crash LOL!  You know they say 99% of what you worry about will not happen so I worry so it won't happen?  Make sense to you?  It makes plenty of sense to me:)

But the serious things is I didn't ever worry about my kids falling into the Erie Canal....and it happened.  They went off in the stroller, down the sidewalk on a beautiful day........So now I worry that random things will happen to us.....Ok are you ready to call in the guys with the white suit yet?   I share this in a light hearted way because I know it is absurd but..... I worry.  And I know that that is not normal to worry so much.  Please no scriptures about worrying....I know them.  I'm also NOT going to a Christian counselor for that very reason.  I don't need to be told I'm in sin for being worried for my family.  (not that I think it is a sin to worry, I think it is human nature as we live in a fallen world where bad things happen that we have no control over.)  If the doctor turns out to be a Christian that is great if not that's ok too with me. 

So I'm hoping I will find some help to let me focus better & to let go of some of the anxiety of my life.  If you knew me "in real life" you probably wouldn't think I battle with these things.  I'm being very honest & open on here because there are so many people who struggle in their minds who are ashamed to get help.  People tell me all the time "you make it look easy"  Well it's not easy....

Of course I believe my MAIN help comes from the Maker of Heaven and earth....I wouldn't be in any way able to function without God.  But just as we have doctors for our bodies, there are doctors for our minds too. 

So I'm being extremely open and vulnerable here......but this is my REAL life and it is where I am at.  I want to be healthy physically and mentally to be able to take care of my children for the rest of my life.  I'm hoping to have many years to care and love on my little ones.  The three little ones will always need us to take care of all their needs so I want to be healthy to do so. 

I grew up around mental illness.  Of course as a child you don't recognize it it's "just the way things are"  But both of my aunts had a fear of leaving the house.  One of them had extreme anxiety about everything from her health to everyone's safety., I understand now looking back.  Obviously there were many dysfunctional aspects to my life, having parents who walked out on me as a child and  who lived like teenagers as long as possible..... so I know I do not want to live like that. 

So I hope my honesty will help someone who is reading this to get help if they need it.  I've told a few friends I was going to share about this and they were shocked.

This morning I read this on a friend's wall  "Dear friends, be careful of the preacher who never has a doubt, a bad day, loses a battle, or always is on top of the spiritual world!"  I thought it was a good quote.  So I guess with me you don't have to worry about that with me.....