Saturday, March 1, 2014

Work day......and more thougths on Contentment




 
 
See all those pallets and the buggy too, all five together....that's what I bought this morning at Lowe's!
Steve titled this picture "what is today? WORK day"
 
 

 
You can't really tell but the old van was filled behind us.  It was a bit scary
 
 

 
yes I bought some plants for landscaping.  We got it all in despite the skepticism of the guy helping us.  He just dont' know me:)
 
Steve, Shad and I worked all day long except for lunch and lots of water breaks.  We landscaped and almost finished the garden but the drill lost its' charge and we couldn't' finish the last Square foot Garden.  We will tomorrow and take pictures. 
 
I'm sunburned and have sore muscles already.  When I took my shower, I took some advil in the hopes that I'll be able to walk in the morning....
 
But I LOVE working outside.  Steve & Shad, not so much.  In fact, they will be getting a night out to the movies next week as payment:)  They had great attitudes and got things done for me.  Some times they are not cooperative to work with LOL  I was glad Jon was home, he got the little ones today so I could get out there and work, it's so much better if I work with them!  I can help everyone stay focused because I'm quite the type A person when it comes to a job.  Gardening & yard work is something I LOVE to do! 
 
Last night we went to the mall shopping...pull my toe nails out!  UGH!  I was looking for a pair of white leather high tops for Sarah.  I went in everywhere looking for a pair for her and getting annoyed!  But I did somehow manage to buy her five new outfits LOL!  She has grown so much and she just wears clothes out unlike any of my kids have ever done.  I guess it is the crawling around or what ever but she manages to destroy clothes!  Tough girl!  So I have to buy her more stuff!
 
 
 
Everyone is doing great here.  Selah seems to have recovered thankfully! She has had some great days lately and has pooped on her own:)  That always makes me happy.  The weather is so perfect that she can be out for quite awhile, today I think the nurse had her outside for about 2 hours in the shade, walking her around.  I think kids should be outside if they can be.  Thankfully none of my kids have any type of allergies or problems being outside. 
 
Thank you all for your prayers for her!
 
I did want to clarify something after my last post.....
 
I AM contented with the place God has me in.....but my heart still aches for Selah.  This morning I woke up and just laid there and remembered Selah before the accident, all her cute little ways and how she was responding to us.  It is gut retching to think back, I want that little girl back with us......
 
Someone posted a video about miscarriage/early infant death and I watched a few minutes of it and suddenly it hit me!   THAT was exactly what it seems happened to us.  Oh we still LOVE Selah and we have and will do everything in our power to see that she has the absolute best life ever....but I feel like our time was cut off....we were still saying "hello" and then it was a "goodbye".    We were still getting to know her when the accident happened.   We still have her physically and I do think she is so much more alert than anyone would have ever thought she'd be....but....oh I miss her, deep in my gut I miss her.  I miss how she would have changed as she understood our love for her, I miss how she would have learned from her teachers and therapists.  I miss how she would have played outside with the other kids....Oh my heart just aches and aches with missing ALL of that! 
 
But yet I can say I'm content and not bitter.  My heart breaks, but I'm not blaming anyone.....I'm trusting God, not hating God.....   NOT because I think, if I have a perfect outlook, THEN God will heal Selah....NO I don't think like that.....
 
I do know that if I trust in God, rest in Him and look towards Him that I'll be healed!  My heart will be healed....not that I'll ever quit missing what we had and what we would have had with Selah but I'm thankful for what we DO have with Selah!
 
 
 
 

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Bitterness vs Contentment

Today I was talking with a friend of mine.  In the conversation we started talking about being content with whatever situation we are in.  And that led, to discussing bitterness which is the opposite of being content...  made me think I should write about this!

Right now in my life my heart is content.  I'm content.  I'm content in my circumstances, I'm not anxious about trying to change things.  In the world's eyes we don't have much.  We live in a small parsonage, have a rather crazy life...the ONLY thing I'd change would be Selah's situation!  If Selah was well I wouldn't have a care in the world.  BUT even in this situation, my heart is still & at peace. 

There was a time when I was NOT like this.  I've written before how very bitter my heart had gotten after the death of the twins.  Bitterness just ate me up.  I was bitter over my childhood, over my present situation, over the ministry, over some hurts, over the loss of the twins....you name it and I was BITTER about it.  I was mad at God.  I think I thought He owed me something...here I had served God since my childhood, which was pretty bad and I was serving God by working in the middle of the inner city of New York...so God owed me.  But my babies died and I was quite pissed off.  Boy I'd bring up all kinds of thoughts and memories to remind myself how awful and unjust God was.....

During that time, we were making the MOST money we'd ever made, lived in the nicest and biggest house, drove new cars BUT I was not content, I was bitter in my heart.

This valley went on for several years.  But God still reached out in various ways towards me during that time.  He brought me out of that valley in spite of the bitterness.  God melted that away.....

Then in a few years, God gave us Sam.

One day in the hospital corridor, while Sam was still in the NICU, I saw a family on their way out with their healthy newborn.  I don't mean to judge but this family looked rough....like all they wanted to do was to get home to their trailer, crack up a 6 pack and watch some soap operas (ok that's mean but.....)   Right there, I turned to God in my heart and told him to look at that family....then I named all the reasons WHY I shouldn't have a sick baby and those folks who did not act like they cared at all had a perfect healthy baby.....

BUT I stopped myself!  In that moment, it became crystal clear to me that I had a choice.  I could go back to bitterness or I could trust God and with that gain contentment.

I CHOSE GOD  over bitterness!

I chose His Peace, His everlasting arms and the contentment that comes with trusting the God who created this Universe!

And that changed everything.

That choice I made that day, set a new pattern for me.

No more bitterness over the past or what should have been or could have been.....
All the way back to my own birth and all the heartaches and pains.

That choice brought me freedom!

And that choice prepared me for future choices that I'd have to make.

Dealing with the accident, has been the hardest thing for me but I've never once blamed or questioned God.  I don't think that is because I am so spiritual (ok friends you can quit rolling on the floor and laughing now!) but because I determined to not let bitterness grow a root in my heart ever again.  I'd "been there, done that and had the tshirt"   Didn't want to go there again! 

I chose to be content and actually I really am content in the circumstances of my life.

There are lots of things in life that come down to making a choice.... whether it is a choice not to commit a sin or whether it is a choice to turn to God rather than away from God...it's our choice.

Let me encourage you today to don't let bitterness grow in your life, it will poison every relationship, it will cloud every judgment and it will color your whole world.

Instead be content in the place that God has you in.  It may not be the easiest place but it's where you are at and when you practice being  content , it's lovely.  It too will affect every relationship, help you with decisions and make your world brighter.

I know I've chosen to do both at different times and I know the difference!!!!!  Trust me on this one!

Some verses.....

Hebrews 12:15         
See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

Ephesians 4:31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Isaiah 38:17      
"Lo, for my own welfare I had great bitterness; It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, For You have cast all my sins behind Your back.



 Hebrews 13:5            

 
1 Timothy 6:6                         
But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment


Philippines 4:11-13
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
(ok this is my favorite verse!)

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All is well at the Clanton's.  today is the busiest day, teachers from 9am-2:30 pm with the little ones.  Shad had a good day at school.  Steve  & his friend got some instruction by the man who came to work on our computer/sound system and then a bunch of them went to the drive in tonight.  Selah's heart rate is up just a bit but nothing else seems off and she is on two antibodics so if she is fighting something, then that should take care of it all!




Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Kids & Angels singing....

 
Sarah at the doctor's appointment

 

 
 

 
Shad and Sarah

 
 

 
 
 
 
I love this girl!!!!
 
This was just a yearly check up.  Sarah brought a form of scabies home with her from Ukraine.  There is a term for it, but I don't remember it.  It's not contagious which is a good thing:)  When we got home from Ukraine at midnight, we had a 9 am doctor's appointment...when I walked in with her our doctor said "scabies!  How long have you been holding her?"  I told him for 6 weeks so I was a goner.  Then since she didn't respond to the treatment he gave us and we didn't get it, he sent us right to a dermatologist. and Sarah was diagnosed with a form of it that comes from having it for years.   It's not contagious at this point.  Many of the kids had the same kind of spots she did, but Selah didn't have them at all. 
 
She had to be treated twice with oral meds to get rid of the worst of it.  Now it only comes back a little on her body.  I had her in a sweater dress and she started frantically scratching her tummy and arms, turns out that kind of material irritates it.  She hasn't had an outbreak since November but we keep meds on hand to get rid of it if she gets it.  He doesn't think she'll ever get free of it but it will get less and less as time goes by.
 
 
Since the blog is working I thought I'd share some more pictures!
 
Sam going to take a nap
 
 
 
 
 
 
 the above picture is the kids' inside trampoline do you see Sam under it?  He did that by himself!


 
 
Close ups

 

 
he loves all the little toys we keep in the box under the trampoline.  This just cracked me up.  He figured out how to get out WITH pushing the box ahead of him.  we were laughing!
 
Selah is doing great.  She is back on her normal formula AND her meds came today!  Our friend the UPS guy got here before 10am.  He's not used to having to get a timed package to us.  We see him all the time for all the various supplies we get for her monthly but not one like that!  So now she is started on her Tobi and the other antibodic, we are sure she will handle this ok now.  Everyone is seeing her new little expression.  Our day nurse tried to capture it with a picture but didn't quite get it but we are all excited!  I hope she is trying to smile, today it looked like she was!!!!
 
===========================================
 
 
A friend of mine shared this video on my Fb wall....
it's called "Rodney Howard Browne- Angels sing with People part 1 this was back in the early 90's
Y'all know I'm a bit of a Pentecostal skeptic...
BUT
I was there that night
I heard this with my own ears
a knowledge of something much greater was worshipping with us in that service
About 4 minutes into this you can hear clearly the main sound of worship, the angels and you can tell the difference that sound than from the various people who were worshipping. 
 
I was sitting in the back right side (facing the pulpit) area with some family & friends.  When this started, it was NOTHING like anything I've ever heard in my life.  Sure you can hear people worshipping but if you look at the folk's faces, many were silent. ( I know I was silent- I was in awe!)  There was a sound above our heads, that just listening to this still give me chill bumps.  I was sitting next to my sister in law and I just grabbed her hand.  I was pretty sure Jesus was about to come!  I knew, no one had to tell me that we were hearing angels.  No one made an announcement.....there was absolutely no need to do so.  We knew.....
 
As I said I'm a skeptic although I'm a Pentecostal preacher's wife.   But this was something else.  The sound came in waves like the sound of rushing waters... 
this is part 2
 
Rodney Browne's services were characterized as having "holy laughter"  I had seen that a little when I was growing up but never to that degree.  I'm not saying some folks were not "in the flesh" but it was real in my opinion. 
 
I'll tell you what happened to me.... a few years before this video was taken. 
I'd heard about the services being held at a large Assemblies of God church.  My husband (who is much more open to things than I am) had plans with a friend one night so I decided to go by myself.    We actually were scheduled to speak at that church in a few weeks.  So I slipped in and sat in the back, trying to hide since this church was a little too out there for me!  (we were coming to speak to share about the ministry we were about to start in NYC)  So I watch the service (not this service ) and at one point realize it was 10 pm!  I got up to go to the lobby to call home since that was late! (this was back in the early 90's no cell phones)  When I got up to go, I could not move!  I mean there was a heaviness to my limbs that was NOT from it being 10 pm at night!  I believe it was God touching me, the presence of God was very strong.  BTW the pastor of that church was sitting behind me as I tried to stumble out.  I was so embarrassed!  But I could not control myself.
 
So Jon and I both go back the next night.  We sat a little closer...RIGHT behind another pastor that we were scheduled to speak at his church.in the next few weeks  - and the pastor had probably 15 people with him.  At the close of Rodney's message, he asked everyone to stand and lift their hands if they wanted a refreshing from God.  I did, feeling foolish as I am not a "hand lifter"  He began praying from the pulpit that was far in front of us and he ended the prayer and said something like "Fill them now!"   Well I was "slain in the spirit"  right there with NO one touching me.  "Slain in the Spirit" is a term that Pentecostals use to describe being overcome by God to the point you can not physically stand up!  I fell between the pew in front of me and the pew behind me without hurting myself at all. When I hit the ground I began laughing at the top of my lungs, again uncontrollably.   (BTW I had never been "slain in the spirit " before this and haven't since)
 
Now I was younger back then but I had been raised in Pentecostal churches all my life.  I've been in situations where I felt the need to "perform" to show I was "touched by God" but I always resisted!  By that point in my life, I'd survived my home church, 4 years of Bible college and was married and in full time ministry.   NOTHING like this had ever happened to me before.  By that time in my life I was well into my role as a skeptic.  Believe me, when friends heard what happened to me, they came in DROVES to see what was going on LOL  Cause they knew I "didn't play the radio" translated...I didn't play around about the things of God. 
 
But here I was towards the back of the church, surrounded by a pastor and some folks from his church that we were going to speak at soon and I would have never wanted them to see me like that at all.  My husband just began saying "IT's God, It's God" because he knows me and knows how I am. 
 
So here I am down on my back on the floor, between the pews, screeching with laughter...with tears running down my face.  The tears were not from me laughing so hard but rather from a release in my heart.  I can not explain or defend what happened to me.  All I know is it happened, I don't fake it for no body....and the bible says that God uses the humblest things to confound the wise....
 
There was much discussion in the Pentecostal movement  at the time...was it real or not?  All I know for me it was real. 
 
What I appreciate about the minister Rodney Howard Browne is that he has gone on to pastor a church, a church that focuses on reaching the lost and he has never been in a scandal and has remained faithful to serve God.  He and his wife even went through the pain of losing a child to a horrible illness and yet serve God faithfully.   His fruit has remained for all the naysayers out there.  Some who fought the revival  ( that went on for years) , don't even serve God themselves now....
 
I will be the FIRST to say that Pentecostals can be a bit emotional in their experience with God  (not usually me but some can be)  But when you experience God, your emotions will get involved. 
 
So sharing this is very personal for me.  I'm not a typical Pentecostal and I will admit to being somewhat ashamed and embarrassed by Pentecostals and what they do LOL. I'd make a GREAT Methodist!  But I'm sharing my "real life" as it happened.....and when my friend Joe shared this, it brought this all back to my mind.  Although he and I are arguing what year it took place in LOL!  I say it was in Jan of 1996 and he says in was in 1993 (the revival went on for years with meetings that would go for a straight 6 weeks at times)... but we were all there and together when it happened.  And we've never forgotten the night we heard the angels sing!!!!
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, February 24, 2014

Monday Mornings




Love my happy boy, Shad!  This was taken at his Valentine's Dance.  He met up with a girl there but it was really like glorified recess.  The kids danced to Christian music and played games and won prizes.  I came for the last few minutes and it was a loud happy party!
 



Selah continues to do good.  OF COURSE her Tobi med didn't come today....an hour on the phone tracking it down....it will be here by noon tomorrow....and people wonder WHY I have an anger issue??   She had PT today but we're going a little gently on her.  She still is not up to her regular self but she is ok.  Our weekday nurse saw the new facial expression and really feels Selah is trying to smile!!!   He was almost crying when he saw it, he's prayed for her to be able to smile at us:)  

The kids have been busy with therapy and teachers today.  Mondays are big days for us. 

I've tried to get going but even after a LARGE coffee and TWO doughnuts, I'm dragging trying to do paperwork.  I swear I do more paperwork NOW than when I worked full time.  So overwhelming at times.  Everything takes so many steps to finish the whole thing.  Makes me want to go take a nap!

Tomorrow is a crazy busy day for us.  I scheduled Jon to see GI (he has some issues with his throat) and Cardiology. I figure I've had to see all these doctors, now it is his turn so we will stay healthy!  Sarah has an appointment with dermatology in Tampa.  She came home with a form of scabies (non contagious) and had to be aggressively treated.  Every great once in a while she'll have a small outbreak that we can treat with ointment.  So she sees dermatology once a year.  Plus we have PT in the morning.  Long day!  And Tuesdays are my day to go out to lunch with my friend:)

On Thursday I have someone coming to redo our whole sound system in the church along with the computers and he is going to look at my computer and try and figure out the issue with my blog!  Yeah maybe I'll soon be able to load up pictures again.    I'll be so glad to have all this done.  Our system was like just put together all kinds of ways with cords  hanging out.   We may have to buy some equipment to update the system but it will be nice to have it working and understandable. 

Well I hope you've had a more productive Monday than I have, about the only thing I've gotten done is cleaning out junk pipework, throwing away and shredding.   At least the pile is smaller, thanks to that:)  But now it's time to go and cook supper.  Chicken & Rice casserole with mashed potatoes and baked beans.  Easy peesy...and pretty healthy.  Have a great night!





Sunday, February 23, 2014

New Day!

What a day for the country of Ukraine.....things are happening fast and it's very fluid right now.   This morning's headline for AOL was this article http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/23/world/europe/ukraine-protests/index.html?hpt=hp_t2&icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing8%7Cdl1%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D446443   It starts out saying "it is a new day in Ukraine"   LOVE that....it is a NEW day.  We just pray blessings on the country of Ukraine and pray that the country will go towards more democracy, freedom and that the Gospel of Christ will have more freedom to be shared AND that orphans will have better care!

Selah is continuing to do ok.  She is still not back to 100% but we are thankful that she is handling this illness WITHOUT having to go in the hospital.  This is the sickest she has ever been and yet remained at home.  We are thrilled that she is being able to recover at home and not in the hospital.  This episode reminds us of how important it is to have nursing for her.  There is no way we'd be comfortable dealing with her like this at home WITHOUT a nurse.  We have been in contact with both her pediatrician and her pulmonologist and followed their guidelines.  We were given  parameters to be able to keep her home, and thankfully she stayed within those parameters.   Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!

Despite not feeling good Selah is doing something NEW-completely NEW!  Just yesterday she started bringing her top lip up in a way she never has before.  It looks like she could almost be smiling or maybe showing she is upset like a sneer.  I only saw her move the left side but our nurses have seen her move the right side also.  We didn't think those muscles worked but they seem to.  When she was up in the stander today, she used  this new movement and we could tell it was absolutely a purposeful movement.  I'm really excited, every little thing matters!!!!

Mr Sam has been a mess lately!  Just within the last week he had acted cranky and out of sorts.  And of a sudden, he has become a real toddler:)  He is into everything.  Yesterday he got a box of cereal, took it to his room and emptied it all over the floor!  In the past week, he has gone from just walking to his swing outside to running around the whole yard, getting into the garden, finding a ball and climbing down the slide without help.  He also found the dog's water dish!   We are loving it but at the same time, are quite astonished.  He has always been so cautious, not being able to see very good but now it's like "Katie bar the door" LOL  (old southern expression that means to LOOK OUT here come trouble) 

This morning before church we found him UNDER the trampoline in his room trying to get to some toys in a box. He has never done something like that!   We took pictures, that won't load on this crazy blog.  But we have photo evidence!  We had a guest speaker today so Jon sat with the family.  Sam could not contain himself and wanted to play with daddy.  I took him out, and he protested LOL 

It's like he has had this huge leap in his reasoning abilities.  The way Sam progresses seems to be like this but he has never ever had this big of leap before.  It's really something for us to watch.  We also know that we need to be extra careful with him right now as we were thinking he might figure out how to open doors by himself!  Glad we have an alarm system!

So our little ones are learning new skills.  Sarah is continuing to walk everywhere using her walker.  She wore a new summer outfit to church today and new sandals, she was so cute but I think the sandals were a bit harder for her to walk in.  She did it with a smile though:)


Big news.....Shelly Burman is HOME from Ukraine after being there since December 8th....she made it through many hardships, many things changed and she did not get the children she originally set out for BUT she rescued FOUR gorgeous little boys and made it through a near civil war.....I think she should write a book!!!!  But she is safe at home tonight with her hubby and all her children.  Pictures will be forthcoming I'm sure:)  She is a real trouper!  

Hope you all had a great weekend and a good week coming up!

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Our fighting girl

Selah is holding her own.   What a little fighter!  The antibodic seems to be helping.  Her secretions are down, no fever today and no throwing up!   We are still being careful and have stopped the fish oil till she is back to normal.  We also are not giving her the formula tonight either, keeping her on Pedialyte.  In fact we kept it going on all on a slow drip in her gtube to make sure she stayed hydrated without using the juices like we usually do during the day.  Trying to keep things as easy for her as possible. 

Actually I'm thrilled that she is handling this illness as well as she is!  She is our tough little Ukrainian!!!!  I think this shows how healthy she is despite all she has been through. 

Speaking of Ukraine.....what a day for that country!  The president has stepped down, the former president has been released from prison.....  We hope and pray that freedom is finally coming to that wonderful country that has our hearts!

We got three more of our Square Foot Gardens filled today.  One with collards, one with squash and one with all kinds of peppers.  I have 4 more to fill and 3 to redo.  SFG are made of Untreated wood so they don't last forever.  Basically we'll just shovel out the remaining sand, put up the new sides and cover the bottom with cardboard boxes and newspaper and fill back up with compost. 

The boys worked hard after I had to go back inside and mulched & weeded around the house.  I then potted some flowers to hang.  Things are looking like spring time!  For their reward, they wanted to go to the movies....I only wanted to fall out on the couch!  Love having an older one who can take them to the movies for me! 

Tonight I switched back my closets . I know I live in Florida BUT I have this  thing about closets!    Summery and winter clothes can not be together LOL!  So since my closet now only has spring/summer clothes  I'm sure we will have SNOW LOL!    It was probably in  the mid 80's today. When I finished working outside, I took a COLD shower and was still HOT! 

But it is bathing suit and shorts weather down here....sorry to all my friends who live up north but just remember when you are having a nice warm summer, we'll be dripping with sweat down here in Florida!   I love Florida in spite of the heat & humidity!  It's what I'm used to:)  Personally I like as few clothes or shoes on as possible so that works good down here!  (NO I'm not a nudist- just love tshirts and shorts!) 

I have a collection of flip flops:)   No fancy shoes for me but I do have some really nice flip flops, some would be considered dress shoes:)  That's how we roll down here!!!!    Last year I found black flip flops with rhinestones and another pair with jewels on them.  I love them!

 Hope you all have a great weekend!  Please keep praying for Selah.  I'm thankful she has done as well as she has but she always needs prayers.  I don't understand everything about prayer but I know God hears Selah's name often.....





 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Our Sick Girl

Selah had a rough night, had to be suctioned often, her blood pressure was up enough to need a blood pressure med she has not taken in months!  She also had a big poop....The nurse gave her some valium also in the early morning.  Then she seemed to be ok till after she got her morning fish oil.  She threw most of it up.  Then a little later she threw up some water the nurse had given her.  She also started running a low grade temp.  She managed to keep the Tylenol down and has kept all her meds down since about noon. WHEW! 

I called both her pediatrician and her pulmonologist to see if we should take her in but we all were in agreement that we'd keep her home IF she could hold down her meds.  We don't want to expose her to something in the hospital if we can help it. 

Tonight we are just giving her Pedialyte   in her gtube feeds rather than her formula, in hopes of not upsetting her tummy!  So far so good!

We all think she is having a bit of a surge of her trachea infection.  She is colonized and that is why she gets Tobi (inhaled antibodic- 28 days on 28 days off)  She is supposed to start it on Monday....BUT this is the drug we fight MONTHLY with our insurance company.  It's supposed to be delivered on Monday but my bet is it won't come.  Our insurance requires it as a "specialty" drug to come through their mail order company.  WHAT a freaking pain! If we could just get it, we could start her a couple of days early and clear this up.  As it is, I can only hope she can make it through the weekend without having to go to the hospital.  I called the on call pulmonologist tonight.  She was able to call in a med we can use until we get the Tobi on Monday.  Hopefully that will help. 

Please keep Selah in your prayers.  She doesn't seem to be too upset or uncomfortable thank goodness but we are not feeling too good about all that is going on with her.  Times like this make me very glad we have full time nursing! 

This picture is from Thursday during her time with her teacher. 

 
she was really paying attention to everything.
 
Thanks for your prayers!!!!!!