Pictures, News and Updates- Florida Alternative Assessment Test

 

our new patio set I love it and so does Henry!

 

 

These garden pictures are from Monday after I got all the plants done

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did an older bed in flowers, some are bug repellant but they will  all attract bees and butterflies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sam with his Ipod.  This is probably his favorite gift of all time.   We had to work with him to use the earphones, but these are child safe and won't get too loud. 

 

 

 

 

he's showing his support for Ukraine!

 

Sam is not eligible for PT anymore

since his gross motor skills are really good.

So he comes in and bothers Sarah.  He loves it, her not so much so!

 

 

see that grin!

 

Don't touch me!

 

 

 

 

go away!

 

 

 

 

MOM!  he's bothering me

 

 

 

 

 

she took herself off and came to me crying.  Then Sam left the room, and she got back up on the ball.  She is a little spoiled!  sibling  rivalry! 

 

 

Last night we met some other chaplains in Orlando at Bahama Breeze.  There is a new program for chaplains & churches in our denomination to help out more and be trained for national/local disasters.   It was very interesting.  I don't know if you could see but Jon was holding Sarah.  We took her with us and she was so good.  She loves just being with us.  I'd felt like I've been so busy, that I hadn't spent enough time with her in the last couple of days.  Sarah craves one on one Mommy time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ON the way to Orlando we were detoured around a terrible accident.  It was on the road that Steve would use daily if he lives at home and commutes to college.  It upset me so bad.  I called him and told him we'd find a way to afford for him to live on campus!!!!!!   Two lane roads can be so dangerous.  But we also saw an accident on the interstate going and another one coming home but not as serious.  

 

 

 

Lots of stuff going on that I've not had a chance to share about on here....

 

The first things is I've become involved in a fight for special needs students, opposing a standardized test that the state of Florida requires for special needs students.  It's called the Florida Alternative Assessment Test (alternative as opposed to the required FCAT that public school students are required to take) 

 

 

Our kids' teacher came in Monday with the paperwork to start them.  I had just read about it but didn't realize my three little one were old enough for it.  It is a ABSURB test.....I have some links if you'd like to see it or a video of it being administered.  Kids are read things and asked to explain what the author was saying......My kids are ALL non verbal and don't have reasoning skills like that!  They are shown pictures and have to chose between them.....My kids are all blind (Selah is probably somewhat blind also due to the accident)  They are asked to tell the difference between various fruits....again NON verbal....and Selah is on a gtube....so she doesn't even taste foods now. Just the most ridiculous silly absurd test you could possibly think of to measure a disabled child's progress.   From everything I've seen read of the test, my three little ones would score ZERO!

 

I feel the test is disrespectful to them and to their real strengths.  I think that is what bothers me the most.  So I called the School Board and spoke with a couple of people.  I was told it was explained in the IEP meetings.  I went back to the notes given to me BY the school board staff and read through them.  The test itself was never mentioned.  The term "access points" which I took to mean the goals of the IEP were mentioned. 

 

So yesterday I got a call back from the school system.  They had to call Tallahassee to see what to do and since we were past the 60 day window to ask for a wavier (although we didn't know anything about the test) the State said that the county school board could decide if they would allow a waiver.  They chose to waive the children for this year, for which I am grateful.  I feel we have had so many issues with the kids school services, far more than I even share on here, I couldn't imagine this!

 

In the meanwhile I had contacted reporter friends and two members of the Florida House of   Representatives .   I was thrilled with their responses.  I first talked to Linda Stewart a representative from Orange Co.  I just loved her!  She was passionate about seeing change and a very pleasant person. I told her if I lived in her section, I'd have to vote for her!!!!  She sent my contact info to Rep. Karen Castor Dentel.  Rep Dentel's office contacted me and gave me more info.  Rep Dentel is sponsoring a House Bill to change this silly law!  I will have more info soon.  Right now I'm actually at a surgical procedure place with Jon who is having an Upper GI endoscopy  (more about that later)  , so I don't have all my info with me but will share it soon. 

 

 

First let me say, I don't oppose testing BUT I do oppose testing that determines whether a child will pass a grade or graduate from high school based on a SINGLE test.   Our older boys go to private school and they have a yearly assessment test but the difference is it is a TOOL NOT something that would keep a child from going up a grade or graduating from high school if they did not get a certain score.  In my opinion, ONE test should not determine that.  It should be based on the child's overall grades. 

 

In Florida teacher's salary's are based on how well their students perform.  I do think teachers should have evaluations but again basing their pay on what a child scores?  Some children are very smart, some are not....some are going to score high no matter what.  Our son Shad without trying scores very high on everything.  I appreciate his teachers but no matter how bad of a teacher he has, (not that he has had any bad ones) he is still going to score high.  However if you were to score Sam on the same test or even one that is somewhat altered, he is always going to score low on academics, no matter how good the teacher or how much time she spends with him.

 

Some articles to help you understand more about this. 

 

http://www.theledger.com/article/20140305/news/140309504

 

 

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2013-04-13/news/os-scott-maxwell-fcat-testing-for-special-needs-20130413_1_ethan-fcat-monkey   (thanks Scott for your info!)

 

 

http://neatoday.org/2014/03/05/high-stakes-testing-for-disabled-students-a-system-gone-horribly-wrong/

 

 

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/Cooper-City-Mom-Crusades-Against-Standardized-Testing-for-Kids-With-Disabilities-248295271.html

 

 

So I'll be doing what I can to help get this new bill passed!!!!

 

 

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Secondly, a friend of mine spoke with me about a friend he has in the publishing world.  He passed my info to her and I spoke to her briefly yesterday.   Who knows?  Many folks have encouraged me to write a book.  I've been so overwhelmed with LIFE that at times the blog seems almost like a chore.  Plus I'm so not into trying to make things happen like this so I figured if  God wants me to, it will just happen.  So maybe this is it?  I don't know.....we will see!!!!

 

So as I said I'm waiting for Jon to have this procedure.  He has a lot of issues with his throat and swallowing, he has always had this, nothing new.  He has had to have his throat stretched out several times.  It's is some odd disorder that actually used to kill people because their throats would close up and they'd starve or aspirate....YIKES!  I can't think of the name of it.  But he also has reflux, and hasn't taken his meds like he should.  I worry about some serious things that the doctor warned him about years ago.  Hoping and praying that this will just be routine and I will MAKE him take his meds!!!!

 

So what happens with Jon is food gets stuck and just won't go down or up.  He has never had it where it has obstructed his airway, but that is a possibility that scares me.  Sometimes he can feel the muscles in his throat moving, it's odd.  Mostly it's been annoying for him and the rest of the family.  I can't tell you the times I've had to wait for him in restaurants while he was in the bathroom trying to get it up or down!

 

The funniest was at my 10th year class reunion, people still were kinda who they were back in high school and we all cared what others thought back then (not at all like my 30th class reunion!!!!)  Anyhow Jon got choked on a piece of steak and was puking or trying to puke it up in the bathroom.  He said he was sure the other guys thought that the preacher had had too much to drink LOL!   We had to leave early and were on our way to the local ER when he finally got it up!  

 

So I'm all caught up, loving the joys of real Wifi!  Not like ours out in the country!!!!!  This is the LIFE:)

 

 

 



My Visit to the Psychiatrist!

Today was my appointment with the psychiatrist.  To be quite honest, I have looked forward to it since I made the appointment about 6 weeks or more ago!  I had no idea what to expect so I was a bit nervous. 

I found the building but the floor the office was on had mismatched doors.  His office was 207, which you'd THINK would come after 206 right???   Not so, it was like 202, 205, 201, 203.....AND NO 207!  It was around the elevator, RIGHT in front of a open area where you could look down to the 1st floor OR jump down if you were so inclined.  So I was cracking up wondering if it was all some set-up to test new patients LOL  

When I got to the right office and checked in, I thought it would be like "What About Bob?"  (one of my favorite movies of all times)  I thought there would be a waiting room for the next patient and a area for the last patient to go out of so there was no contact.  Well.....it wasn't quite like that.  I was sitting and waiting to be called when a clearly distressed woman came in.  She went to sign in and loudly said "D*#@ I forgot my name!" She was quite serious and the receptionist told her her name and she signed in.  Then she somehow ended up inside the receptionist's office on her cell having an extremely loud fight with someone on the phone.  It was interesting to say the least.....  Then another woman came in and she looked very depressed and refused to have her vitals taken. It was evident that there were some serious cases in there!

So the doctor came out to get me.  We began talking and he asked me why I had come to see him.  I told him I was concerned about my lack of focus, forgetfulness, and inability to get things done (I feel the anxiety has already been helped tremendously by the low dose med I was given.)  Then  I shared just the bare bones about the last two years of my life.  He asked some questions and gave me a test.  I told him there were times I was actually worried about early onset Alzheimer's.

After talking and doing the test, he diagnosed me with ADD Attention Deficient Disorder brought on by stress.  He said he had seen very few cases (I think he said only 2 other cases) where he had diagnosed an adult who had never had an issue with ADD as a child or teen with it.  He ruled out Alzheimer's and PTSD too.  He said I didn't seem to have any depression either:) 

He based his diagnosis on the feedback I gave him.  I never had issues with school and I carried a LARGE (over 100 cases) caseload as a probation officer and as a supervisor, I supervised about 10 Probation officers who all had about 100 cases each and I had no issues with that, in fact I thrived on it.  Since I've been a stay at home mom, I've handled all of Sam's paperwork, medical stuff and all our family's paperwork/bills whatever.   I did all the paperwork for both of our adoptions, and did it very fast with no issues.  IN fact with the girls', their paperwork which was much more involved, I got done in two nights...and was done!  When we got home, with our girls, I was so organized with everything from cooking 3 meals a day from scratch to organizing their playtimes and all the medical/therapy appointments.  THEN the accident happened and I could not  do anything, I felt paralyzed.  Everything became a half done chore.....I felt like my mind/will had betrayed me.

Over the past year, I've taught myself some coping skills when it comes to getting things done.  I have a work table and I keep a notebook and calendar with me all the time.  I write down everything to help me remember.  I even write in the steps...for example....

Do yearly well check for the church  (the church has well water and has to be checked yearly)
-pick up and pay for form and sample cup
-do sample
-fill out form
-drop off

Then I mark off each thing I do.  it helps me to see what I have left.  Otherwise I forget....

Also I've decided to take away some of my responsibilities.  Thankfully we've had quite a few people step up in our church to clean it and help with the yard work too.  I'm very grateful!  I used to do it all!!!   I have hired a someone to do the deep cleaning in my house monthly.   I'm giving over all (I hope) of my secretarial duties at the churches to someone else.  Next year my little ones are going to go to school (private Christian with a good friend as their teacher with the McKay scholarship-they will still get services from the public school system)   It sounds like I'm just going to go on a vacation but I realized I needed some breaks......there were things that were just overwhelming my mind.   The psychiatrist thought the things I was doing would help me to be more focused on the important things and help with the stress level. 

So I'm very pleased with the appointment and the diagnosis which I would have never guessed!  The doctor was quite cheerful and we laughed a bit.  It was not a "down" visit nor did I need any Kleenex!  He prescribe a med to help me concentrate....one of the side affects is weight LOSS!   I was about ready to kiss him-giving me a pill to help me AND I can lose weight at the same time.....WOOHOO!   To celebrate, I stopped and got some fried chicken from Popeye's LOL...really I did, since I'm going to lose weight anyhow.......

A close friend encouraged me to go and see a psychiatrist.  I'm so very thankful she did!!!  It was not at all like my preconceived idea either!  And there was NO couch LOL, I had even debated about what to wear in case I had to lie down on a couch....I went with Capri jeans instead of a skort.  I didn't have to worry:)  SO if you are struggling with any mental health issue, go get help!  Don't be ashamed, or let some type of silly spiritual guilt hold you back.  A psychiatrist is someone who can diagnosis you with "what ails you" and can prescribe you meds.  We go to a large medical group, so he had all my medical history in front of him on the computer and he was able to see that I had no medical issues that would prohibit me taking the med he prescribe.  If you have that kind of medical group, that would make it the easiest for you too.  A psychologist is one who is more a counselor and one you go more in to details about your life.  I'm not really sure I want to go to one of those.  I really don't want to go back to anything and talk about it in too much detail.   In my experience, that has not been helpful for me personally, that's just not how I roll.....I tend to go through stuff, deal with it and move on.  I don't think revisiting things help too much.   Now for someone else it might be the key that helps them.  Me, I just want to move on.  I feel like now with help, I will be able to move on.....I sure hope so!  

So once again, I'm being very open, honest and vulnerable....I'm doing this to help others who face these kind of challenges.  And this is also just a part of my life, I write and share my life.  And now for some light humor

 

 

LOL

that has been me:)  Hopefully this new med will help me to focus which will improve my memory. 

 

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A wonderful lady who reads my blog, has enrolled Selah in a chance to win a handicapped accessible mini van.  All the details will be coming and you can vote on line and go in one of the company's stores if there is one near you (if you go, it's like voting 10 times!)  I'll be sharing with you all the details when they give the code & website to go to.  I'm really thankful for Denise taking the time out of her busy schedule to find out all this info for me and do the recommendation.   It would be life changing for us to have a van that was accessible for Selah.  I try to be content with everything in my life and trust that God will help us have the things we need to take care of all the kids, especially Selah.  But transporting her is very hard.  It takes two people to do it, at this point, I'd never be able to take her somewhere by myself.  I'm just hoping that we will win this van!!!! 

 

 

Parenting

When I first started writing this blog more than 5 years ago, I just wanted to write, I didn't worry about offending anyone, because no one really read it!  I might have 300 hits a month.  Now I have thousands a day and I think a little more about what I share.  Before it was mainly for friends & family to read, the girls' adoption and the accident changed all of that.  So sometimes its hard to know what to share and what not to share.  Now I blog for various reasons, sometimes just to write something and encourage myself like an on-line journal and other times to specifically share about God and how He has helped us.  Sometimes it is to just catch people up and sometimes it's to share advice/things I've learned.  Sometimes it is just to share my heart.

Shad signed up for piano lessons today.  He has been struggling with some behaviors lately that we'd like to see change.  He finds it very hard to be truthful when asked about something that he thinks will get him in trouble.  Shad has had some problems in this area for years but we've seen it increase the older he has gotten.  He had asked for a kitten for about a year.  I was concerned about having to have anymore responsibility so we talked to him about how he would have to feed/water and clean the litter box daily.  Around Christmas we got him two kittens.  He did great for awhile, everything was new, the kittens are really great little fellows and easy to care for.   A few mornings ago I asked if he'd cleaned out the litter box before school.  He said yes, but since I hadn't seen him go out to the laundry room, I asked him again and again he said yes.  THEN he told me to go and look (obviously thinking I was too busy and that by telling me to do it, I'd think he had really done it)  WELL......I know a little bit about what I call "criminal thinking"  I didn't spend all that time working as a probation officer and working on a MA in criminal justice for nothing!  I went and looked and it was beyond obvious that he had not cleaned it.   When he was confronted, at first he still insisted that he had cleaned it (there was hardly any litter left in it and plenty of poop so unless the kittens ate the litter he had not cleaned nor added litter)   Then he said he lied because he just didn't want to do it.  I almost laughed, at least he was being honest:) 

For punishment there was an area of the yard that needed to be weeded and he got to do it all by himself. (it's a joke around here if something needs to be weeded...which boy is going to get in trouble first and have to do it LOL)   Because this is a behavior that happens repeatedly, we feel it is more than just disobedience, it points to a need in him.  Sure there is a part of it that is disobedience but there has to be more. 

After he had gotten most of the little area weeded, I went out and talked to him.  We had a good talk first about the disobedience and lying.  But then we talked about something he could focus on and he said he wanted to take piano lessons.  He had mentioned it before, so today we went to the music store in town and signed him up. 

Parenting a child that has been adopted, requires a lot of finesse and wisdom.  The child is usually emotionally scarred in some way by the rejection and abandonment of his birth family, even if they don't  quite understand it. Then if the child had been in an orphanage or foster care....they've got all of that to deal with also.   Adopted kids tend to statically have more issues with mental health and criminal involvement.  That doesn't mean that every adopted kid has some huge problem at all!  But it does mean there is more emotional baggage for a child that has gone through such a deep hurt.  So in dealing with Shad, we really try to parent creatively and outside the box.  I am sure we don't' always get things right!   But we try our best. 

I'm sharing this NOT to shame him at all.  (All kids lie and so do most adults  LOL)  But to encourage other parents to deal with your child's behavior, don't push it under a rug BUT also try and understand the child.  Shad is so bright (in 4th grade but almost in  6th grade work) we do have to work to keep him occupied and interested.  I'm really excited about him signing up for piano lessons and love that he has the desire to do something like that.  I'm glad we could deal with the situation and still give him something to help him feel good about himself and something he can focus on. 

Every child is so very different.  Steve has always been so easy going....but if you take that to the extreme, that is not good either.  Sam and Sarah are so different from each other although they have the same medical/mental diagnosis.  And Selah was very different before the accident and after the accident, I've had to remind all those who work with her, of WHO she was/is so the expectation for her to be a certain way, may have to be challenged due to who she was before the accident.   Parenting is complicated!  Sometimes when I get together with friends who share about their crazy family and then I share and....then I think.....WHAT the heck will my kids say about me when they are grown???   

Sam had really gotten back on his schedule and was doing really good with the anxiety.  The last few days he has seemed stressed again.  We go back to the neurologist this month, so we'll see if he will keep him on the medication he tried him on for a few weeks.  I think it seemed to help, it was so light but he ran out before the appointment came and the doctor wants to see us first before he decides what to do.  Again, if we can keep him occupied and busy, he seems to handle stress much better.  He has began doing NEW things and it has always seemed like he gets upset/stressed when he is progressing mentally.  He has become so much more independent of us in just the last week.  He now runs all over the yard without us holding his hand.  This is something he didn't do a month ago....now we are very focused on making sure our gates are all securely fastened and our gaze is on him the whole time he is outside! 

Like I said, parenting is not the easiest thing in the world but the most rewarding!!!!!!

Selah is back to normal, so thankful she made it through that infection without having to go to the hospital.  She has just done great with all of that.  In PT this morning, she was able to get full range of motion.  Selah doesn't really like it when it gets hard and will grimace but she could do it with the PT working her!  I'm not sure she had full range of motion BEFORE the accident!   The weather is so nice she is out every morning in her chair.  She seems to really enjoy going outside. 


So another day of trying to be the best parent possible for each of my kids....some days are easier than others but it is so worthwhile.  I love my kids just the way they are mentally/emotionally/spiritually/physically.... I just want to help them get to the best place possible in their lives.  Each of them will have very different futures based on their abilities but our focus is to equip them in all the areas mentioned above so they can have the best life possible. 

We as parents can always use prayer to help us, so feel free to pray for us!

Most of the time I'd rather just deal with things in a tough straight forward way, it is much easier but I'm not sure it is the best way.  BUT as we deal with problems we do keep our standard up, we just try to encourage the child to come up to that standard using every means possible!  Sometimes the encouragement may come in a more punitive way and sometimes in a more encouraging way.   And there is ALWAYS plenty of weeds in yard/garden/flowerbeds LOL

Happy 10th Birthday Sam

Happy 10th birthday Sam....just a little late!  Now the blog is allowing me to upload pictures again.

Here is Sam with his favorite soup at Olive Garden, his favorite restaurant!

 

 

He was being sung to by the staff and us and he was so excited, can't you tell?

 

 

 

Present time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Ipod and nice headphones...you can tell he was quite happy.  Sam loves music, any type, southern gospel, Christian hip hop...  He LOVE LeCrae and Toby Mac:)

 

 

 

 

Shad and Jon

 

Sarah

 

 

Go Sarah go!!!!

 

 

 

 

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Here are pictures from his real Birthday!

 

On our way to the hospital for a scheduled C-section.  I wanted a picture of my boys "together" Justin case...

 

 

 

Just moments after his birth!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Steve just an hour later in the NICU with Sam

 

the next morning our first family picture

My brother in law took this picture...

 

then he took this picture below....

 

the MOMENT Sam opened his eyes and I knew something was very very wrong....

 

 

 

Look how little they both were ....Steve was so thoughtful in this picture. 

Well it's almost a month late, but I'm glad I finally got these pictures on here.  I love Sam and am thankful every day for his life.  He has blessed us with more than anyone would ever know!

Pictures from today!

 

You know I'm always trying to get a good family picture.....

YES Selah is standing.  She stand daily in her stander so I thought I'd try it.  It was great to feel her standing.  No she can't do something like that without support, the braces keep her legs straight.  I could feel her little back against me and she relaxed into me.  It's hard to explain it but she felt very natural, not stiff.  It did seem to make her tired but I loved having her up for about 5 minutes and holding her against me.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

we were laughing at our music pastor and our drummer who were making silly noises!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is some garden pictures.  The new SFG are not done yet.

 

 

 

 

we did this bit of landscaping yesterday

 

 

 

 

I am shocked that the pictures actually worked!  YEAH!

Ukraine- the situation worsens!

My heart is so heavy for Ukraine tonight....our church prayed for them fervently today.  Jon asked the men at the prison to pray and they did also.  People in prison, who have had everything taken from them, understand and support the underdog....they understand wanting to be free....

Can I ask a favor?
Can you go and like & share this page?
https://www.facebook.com/events/290079534474776/290585564424173/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity
the group name is...
URGENT Euromaidan Support: Storm White House Phone Lines!

And can you call the White House tomorrow and ask them to support Ukraine?
This is what the group is asking!

UPDATE: YOUR HELP IS URGENTLY NEEDED AS RUSSIA BEGINS MILITARY INTERVENTION IN UKRAINE, VIOLATING THE BUDAPEST MEMORANDUM! PLEASE CALL THE WHITE HOUSE AND ASK THEM TO RESPECT AND ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE BUDAPEST MEMORANDUM!

Today Russian leader Vladimir Putin asked the Kremlin for permission to use force "to restore normal order" on ALL OF UKRAINE. THIS IS A RUSSIAN TAKEOVER OF A SOVEREIGN NATION AND AN OPEN VIOLATION OF THE BUDAPEST MEMORANDUM! As signatories of this memorandum, the United States ...has a responsibility to uphold it worldwide!

Greatest thanks to everyone who called during the previous event and asked the White House to impose sanctions against the government responsible for violence on Euromaidan - your efforts WERE SUCCESSFUL! But now Ukraine needs us even more.

Calls can be made at any time, from any place, and takes only minutes (even when out in a crowded play area with two kids under three!). For those of you who live in the US, simply call this number: 1-202-456-1111 to be connected to the White House comment line. Wait through the prompts to be connected to an operator, and ASK THEM TO ACT IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE BUDAPEST MEMORANDUM AND IMPOSE SANCTIONS AND/OR TAKE OTHER ACTION AGAINST RUSSIA IN RESPONSE FOR MILITARY ACTION IN UKRAINE.

Your comment will be registered, and my hope is that if we get enough comments coming into the White House, they will realize that this issue is important to the people!

Again the number is 1-202-456-1111. It seems they only take comments during business hours, but otherwise it can be done at any time on any day - but let's do it as soon as possible because Ukraine needs us!

Spread the word! Invite your friends! Let's storm those phone lines! Let's get them so busy answering phones that they HAVE TO respond to the people and can't NOT act!


Pray that God will protect Ukraine.  This is a serious situation, WWI was started over less than this....
We think of our dear friends in Ukraine and of all the orphans.  Reports are coming out now that orphanages are already having shortages of food.  I'm going to look into some things to see if I can share a way to help out in that area.   This is a very serious situation. 


This is a great article on the last decade of politics in Ukraine
http://www.forbes.com/sites/gregsatell/2014/02/25/ukraines-decade-of-political-awakening/


this article tells of what the Soviets did to the people of Ukraine....
http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/history/item/4656-holodomor-the-secret-holocaust-in-Ukraine

Thank you for your prayers.....

Work day......and more thougths on Contentment

 

 

See all those pallets and the buggy too, all five together....that's what I bought this morning at Lowe's!

Steve titled this picture "what is today? WORK day"

 

 

 

You can't really tell but the old van was filled behind us.  It was a bit scary

 

 

 

yes I bought some plants for landscaping.  We got it all in despite the skepticism of the guy helping us.  He just dont' know me:)

 

Steve, Shad and I worked all day long except for lunch and lots of water breaks.  We landscaped and almost finished the garden but the drill lost its' charge and we couldn't' finish the last Square foot Garden.  We will tomorrow and take pictures. 

 

I'm sunburned and have sore muscles already.  When I took my shower, I took some advil in the hopes that I'll be able to walk in the morning....

 

But I LOVE working outside.  Steve & Shad, not so much.  In fact, they will be getting a night out to the movies next week as payment:)  They had great attitudes and got things done for me.  Some times they are not cooperative to work with LOL  I was glad Jon was home, he got the little ones today so I could get out there and work, it's so much better if I work with them!  I can help everyone stay focused because I'm quite the type A person when it comes to a job.  Gardening & yard work is something I LOVE to do! 

 

Last night we went to the mall shopping...pull my toe nails out!  UGH!  I was looking for a pair of white leather high tops for Sarah.  I went in everywhere looking for a pair for her and getting annoyed!  But I did somehow manage to buy her five new outfits LOL!  She has grown so much and she just wears clothes out unlike any of my kids have ever done.  I guess it is the crawling around or what ever but she manages to destroy clothes!  Tough girl!  So I have to buy her more stuff!

 

 

 

Everyone is doing great here.  Selah seems to have recovered thankfully! She has had some great days lately and has pooped on her own:)  That always makes me happy.  The weather is so perfect that she can be out for quite awhile, today I think the nurse had her outside for about 2 hours in the shade, walking her around.  I think kids should be outside if they can be.  Thankfully none of my kids have any type of allergies or problems being outside. 

 

Thank you all for your prayers for her!

 

I did want to clarify something after my last post.....

 

I AM contented with the place God has me in.....but my heart still aches for Selah.  This morning I woke up and just laid there and remembered Selah before the accident, all her cute little ways and how she was responding to us.  It is gut retching to think back, I want that little girl back with us......

 

Someone posted a video about miscarriage/early infant death and I watched a few minutes of it and suddenly it hit me!   THAT was exactly what it seems happened to us.  Oh we still LOVE Selah and we have and will do everything in our power to see that she has the absolute best life ever....but I feel like our time was cut off....we were still saying "hello" and then it was a "goodbye".    We were still getting to know her when the accident happened.   We still have her physically and I do think she is so much more alert than anyone would have ever thought she'd be....but....oh I miss her, deep in my gut I miss her.  I miss how she would have changed as she understood our love for her, I miss how she would have learned from her teachers and therapists.  I miss how she would have played outside with the other kids....Oh my heart just aches and aches with missing ALL of that! 

 

But yet I can say I'm content and not bitter.  My heart breaks, but I'm not blaming anyone.....I'm trusting God, not hating God.....   NOT because I think, if I have a perfect outlook, THEN God will heal Selah....NO I don't think like that.....

 

I do know that if I trust in God, rest in Him and look towards Him that I'll be healed!  My heart will be healed....not that I'll ever quit missing what we had and what we would have had with Selah but I'm thankful for what we DO have with Selah!