Summer 2023

 

Summer 2023 is almost over....

in the last few months we have been busy.  We went on a Dolphin Cruise out of Tarpon Springs

Sam loves a boat

July 4th was fun at home 

Jon and I went to the Department of Corrections yearly conference in Orlando which was a lot of fun!  Jon is the longest running chaplain in the state at almost 27 years as a chaplain.  He spoke at the chaplain's conference.

Sweetness

my sweet girl we went to an event at Hillsborough State park

Hope y'all are all doing great! 

Church Hurt

 Y'all know I'm a "church girl" the type that "cut her teeth on a church pew" Some of my first memories were of church.  In some ways my upbringing was very strict but in other ways very lenient.  My great aunt had 2 rules for me as a teenager.  

!.  Don't come home pregnant

2. Don't wake us up when you come in

The 1980's at its' best.  My boys would have LOVED those rules!  Of course church attendance was mandatory but that was something that I didn't really mind.  For me there is an attraction to church buildings, walking in a sanctuary feels like home to me.  Going to church was something I looked forward to doing.  It wasn't because I was so extra spiritual but it was home, a place that brought rest to my soul even when I didn't understand or wasn't able to explain.  

Having been in church all these 50 plus years has given me quite the opportunity to have "CHURCH HURT"  That's a term that has been around for awhile now and is gathering steam with release of  "Shiny Happy People" and "The Secrets of Hillsong" We watched both of them (fighting sleep as always- no sex scandal can keep us awake by the time we get the kids to bed at night LOL) 

The shows had similarities and differences.  From dumpy fundamentalists  to cool mega church  folks with skinny jeans....Two extremes of the  evangelical movement. (I finally understand how the Muslims can have the two branches of Islam that wants to kill each other!) I'm not really in either camp- probably theologically I'm closer to Hillsong but in behavior closer to the fundamentalists!  For most of my growing up years the only pants that were allowed were Culottes.  Ever now and then the crazy fashion folks still try to bring back Culottes and I curse them!  I do wear skinny jeans and love them!  But in reality my life is far from either group.  

But both shows had similarities of people being hurt in the name of God- sexually, financially, spiritually, deceit, control, reputation etc.... Why do we get more angry at situations that happen in churches or church ran programs?  Because we expect more of people who say they are serving God, especially leaders.  We know people do all kinds of things to others but we think of church as a sanctuary from all of that awful stuff,  But unfortunately some church folks even leaders  can hurt others.  The bible warns about that in the Old Testament Ezekiel 34  and in  the New Testament Matthew 7.  Some folks start out good but allow sin to creep in and some folks literally decide to falsely serve God in order to take advantage of vulnerable people. 

Watching the shows there seems to be some things that were hyped up and exaggerated- people will also jump on a band wagon just as fast as they can.  The devil can use a sinful leader to tear down Christianity but he can also use a person who lies or exaggerates situations to get attention.  BUT no one should have given anyone any ammunition to use against Christianity.  The bible says in 1 Peter 4:14-19

14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men's matters.16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.17 For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.

The bible literally says no christian (this was being written to Christians) should suffer as a murderer thief evildoer or a busybody.....This scripture also says that that judgement must begin at the house of the God _ but non believers are not free but if it begins in the house of God then what shall the end be for non believers????

My point is look to Jesus.  There are plenty of people out there who have agendas and rules whether they look cool and hip or out of step and dowdy who can hurt you! 

How do you know who to trust?  Well no one is absolutely perfect.  Not even ME LOL 

But first read the bible- no one church has everything perfectly correct. Why do I know that?  Because we are human.  Look for leaders who serve- and I do NOT mean this silly false "servant leadership" that's another new litttle term going 'round.  Most people that talk that ONLY serve when it benefits them or their church.  Will they get their hands dirty without a photo op?  Do they do things without anything in return?  

Is the person/leader miserable? I will be honest, I know folks who boast of their prayer life or bible study and they are the most disagreeable miserable people and makes everyone around them miserable.  

Trust your gut and God given discernment.  

But at the same time, do not be critical BALANCE - BALANCE - BALANCE 

So over the years I've been hurt mostly by other leaders a few times by people in the pews .  God has also given me discernment about situations that have kept us out of problems or gotten us out of problems.  One time when we were young we worked in a ministry that grow out of something we had been doing for awhile.   The leader we worked had a good reputation but we knew something was off. We got ourselves out of that ministry situation. A few months later it comes out the guy was stealing money using drugs having affairs.... we just thought he was a jerk but we knew things were off not knowing how off they really were!  What's so funny is the guy actually spiritually attacked me for the depression I was battling after losing my twins and almost dying just a few months before.  But see people don't bother me too much.  I told him and I quote...'when you lose two of your children you can tell me how to feel but until then shut the hell up....."   Yeah we were all in a car going to a church service, that was a pretty quiet ride....LOL  

There is a time and place for correction and reproof -no one is above that- again it is about balance.  Looking back I'm pretty sure he wanted to keep me off balance so I didn't pick up on things because I was starting to question some things.  In all honesty there is a time to grieve but your identity  can not be completely tied up to a grief/sorrow/loss. We all know folks who have had something terrible happen to them and that has become their identity.  That's not healthy.  

There is sin everywhere- does that make it right? NO! Will there always be sin? YES!  Years ago right out of college I worked for a juvenile justice program for first time offenders.  It was back in the day when we had "Scared Straight" now that has been determined to be too scary for our little delinquents.  Anyhow once every few weeks we would take them for a county jail tour and monthly we'd take some juvies for a state prison tour.  It was like a field trip,  The inmates loved it too.  They'd cut up and yell at the kids.  The officers would lecture the kids.  It was funny to me.  (I'm not the most sympathetic  person)  One time I had this little chubby kid who had shoplifted.  The inmates were yelling the officers were lecturing  and this kids said "That won't happen to me I'm a Christian" Bless his heart he got it even more then!  Hopefully he learned his lesson and laughs about it now.

Do Christians sin? Yes and a if a person says they are without sin....RUN!  But do they ask for forgiveness?  Christianity is being scrutinized like never before -I follow some sites out of curiosity.  This one site gets rabid about any minister who has fallen into any type of sexual sin (I'm not taking about sexual abuse -those ministers or anyone should go to prison-they are up in arms about ministers that have affairs)    People foam at the mouth at how the minister should never be allowed to pastor again.  I had to go back to the story of David who sinned but he was still called a man after God's own heart AFTER he repented!  And repenting does mean more than just mumbling "forgive me God" it means turning away from the sin and changing.  

So what am I saying? Look to Jesus!  Man will  disappoint you.  Don't get caught up in the newest hype whether it is cool or seems to be extra spiritual.  If someone preaches a gospel that adds  a bunch of rules to be a good Christiaan- RUN......  Although in all fairness humans are just that human.  We crave boundaries to ensure we are doing things right and in the spiritual sense to ensure we are "good christians"  It's so much easier to follow rules than to follow Jesus.  That's why people turn to cults.  It's easier to think if I do ABC and do not do XYZ I'm a good christian.  But if someone doesn't teach the Bible and just gives you a feel good sermon telling you all the things you want to hear....RUN  A wise professor once said "all extremes are dysfunctional" 

So what do you do if you get hurt in the church?  Somethings are obviously very different than others.  It's one thing if someone criticizes the clothes you wear- it's another if they abuse your child. No matter the action realize that action is not from God!  But people must be held accountable especially if a crime has been committed.  Some things you can shrug off and just consider the source "bless their hearts"  Other thing need to be brought to the attention of the church authorities and if necessary (if it is an illegal act) the police.  

And folks you can NOT just live in a continual offended state.  In the church world there are folks who literally go from church to church and get offended everywhere...Sometimes when I meet someone for the first time they will tell me how the last church they were in hurt their feelings.....without fail it won't be long till their feelings get hurt at our church.  We've known folks over the years that had to be soothed every time you turned around.  Don't be that person.  

Again it's Jesus....that just overwhelmed my mind recently.  there is no one person, no one denomination that gets everything right but there is one who is right and it's Jesus.   That thought brought a comfort to my heart.  

Don't let evil win or overwhelm you.  Keep doing what is right.  Look to Jesus not man. 

40 years ago

 What were you doing 40 years ago?  I was graduating from high school!  40 years seems so old!  It's hard to believe I am even 40 years old much less out of high school for so long.  

Being brought up in all the secrets & oddities  of my life made school at times a challenge.  I was in gifted/high classes but so incredibly bored I did the least possible.  Luckily for me I didn't need to study much to make passing grades because I didn't study at all!  In high school "back in the day" it was very easy to skip school and I did it on a regular basis. In all of that I only got caught one time!  In my heart I had goals but no idea of how to make them come true.  There was no one in my life that "had my back" my family basically ignored me because there was a lot of medical things going on.  My great  uncle had passed away, my great aunt had Alzheimer's and my other great aunt had some mental health issues (looking back) .  Several of my friends had parents who loved me and wanted the best for me but I was not their focus.  There were some sweet folks who cared for me in my church but again there was only so much they could do for me.  

None of my teachers (except one who might have been a little inappropriate in this day and age LOL)  paid me much attention and I didn't try to get close to them.  I never liked "brown nosers" Living in a small southern town, somebody like me who didn't have many personal connections wasn't one that teachers paid alot of attention to.  No one was mean don't get me wrong but I wasn't "pushed forward" or encouraged much.  In fact as a senior I had a mandatory meeting with a guidance counselor and told her I wanted to go to college.  She totally discouraged me and told me all the reasons it wouldn't work out for me.  

Looking back I realize how incredible that I am where I am now.  But God.....

On my graduation night no one came to see me graduate.  Of course my friends' parents were there but I didn't have any one person who came to see just me graduate. I went home with my friend because her family were giving us a graduation party.   And then some of my plans went awry for that night (thank God LOL that's a story I'm not ready to share)

How did things change for me?  God God and God!  After graduation I started a secretarial class....yeah...that was NOT for me!  One day I got a mailing from Southeastern University  I had no idea where it was located but in my heart God spoke to me that I'd go to college there.  Again there was NO support!  In fact I was told over & over how I would not be able to go to college.  Mostly because I didn't have the money.  My family told me not to be silly and to "go get a job at the K-mart"  They also didn't like SEU because it was another denomination's college.  But God helped me.  That situation taught me and was a turning point in my life.  Having to support myself  and do it all on my own (not one penny from anyone) taught me to be independant and realize all I need is God.  It's a lonely place.  Thankfully there were some folks here and there that helped me.  A lady from our church and her daughter dropped me off at college which was one of the most important things anyone has ever done for me.  It was a 4 hour drive and I barely had enough to get started at college- it would have been more stressful if I had had to ride a bus!  

After I was dropped off, the whole situation overwhelmed me but I was there and I wasn't giving up no matter what.   Looking back at that little girl, I'm impressed & sad for her.  For years I lived with my heart in my throat wondering how I was going to make it but somehow I always did! There were times I did some stupid things but overall I kept my eyes on God and my goals.  

June 3 1983

See those heels???  My favorite shoes and the reason I just had foot surgery LOL

Dang no wrinkles.....

So if you ever get a chance to help someone out who is trying to do something with their life- help them!  You may be the person that makes the biggest contribution to their life at a pivot moment.  There were those folks who were there for me like that- sometimes it can just be a word of encouragement- doing something practical- being kind.....

Because of how alone I was -I was determined my kids would never experience that feeling as they grew up! Once I was past elementary school no one ever came to anything I was involved in.  There was no one in the audience for me.  And honestly there were times someone could have come...it just wasn't important enough for them to do it.  Of course life can be hard but sometimes a person has to push through and do what needs to be done. Things mean alot to kids.  Just remember that!

So we will be having our 40th year class reunion in the fall during the Pine Tree Festival.  The Festival is my hometown's big yearly celebration of the Pine Tree!  We are the Pine Tree Capital of the South:)  None of my family have ever gone to the festival- it has always fallen on our oldest son's birthday and/or our college's university's homecoming even I haven't gone since my freshman year in college so it's been a few minutes.  My husband is coming and our big kids are "thinking" about coming...we will see.  It's going to be fun.  

Remember to be an encourager and a practical person in other's lives!

Family Update

 Y'all I am the worst blogger!  Thanks to all who message me!

Soooooo.....Sam finally has has recovered!  He came home after a total of 16 days in the hospital.  It was exhausting.  We are monitoring him closely!  I'm out of the boot YAY!  My foot seems to have recovered for the most part although I get twinges when i do too much.  One night I had to ice my foot.  For Christmas Jon bought me these wonderful socks with ice packs in them.  They were one of my favorite gifts!!!

Shad bought a new car!

And this!  Not a thrilled mom!

But he is cute

Mother's Day!

OH my goodness Mother's day 1996

Jon and I ran away for another cruise.  That's our one get away.  We don't have  'date night" and even when we do go out occasionally it's not the same knowing we have to go home and get back to work!  A cruise gets us away  and it's cheaper than getting a hotel at the beach and going out to eat IF you are careful.  I'm planning on writing a blog soon giving our tips

This time we went to Jamaica, Cayman Islands with a stop in Key West

Key West.  I didn't do much lol I went to CVS and walked around for a minute  It was soooo hot

Dress Up night

AWWWWWWW one of my favorite places to be- somewhere south of Cuba headed East

Jamaica 

SkyLift

Mystic Mountain

Dunn River Falls

Hell-Cayman Islands

Even Hell had a message

Cayman Island

Turtle Sanctuary 

Last night 

Our son and daughter in law worked the National Religious Broadcaster's yearly convention and we got tickets to a meet & greet with Donald Trump Jr.  That was a lot of fun He is really a good speaker.

Steve & Nichole working

Sarah and Sam got accepted into the St Joe Complex Care Clinic.  The clinic has hired a doctor to care for older teens and young adults.  Sarah was the first to go in last week.  We took her to Olive Garden to celebrate afterwards.  She loves OG and can eat pasta fagioli soup which they will graciously blend for us.

love this picture with Shad and his girlfriend!  Aren't they cute????

Selah is doing great  Today I went and stayed with her for awhile and Jon is going tomorrow after we finish Sam's first appointment at the new clinic.  Please keep her in your prayers.  It's hard to not have her at home but I'm so happy with our group home.  It has such a great reputation with the medical community.  

Hope you all have a wonderful summer and I'll try and update more often

This too shall pass

 Sam ended up coming home Thursday unfortunately Jon had to take him back Saturday as he was throwing up.  He was admitted and we were told he had another obstruction in the small bowel.  There was alot of talk of different thing over the weekend but they did work with Sam  with alot of enemas and relieved the blockage.  Having a blockage that high up can't be solved by emamas but it took the pressure off everywhere else and things have resolved.  Today they are letting him eat and are going to see how things work in his system.    The plan is just to watch Sam and see if things are truly resolved before he comes home.  The hope is that there is nothing really wrong just a sluggish tummy after major surgery.  

The past few weeks have been a challenging time with Jon's heart procedure my foot surgery and Sam's surgery.  But we are still standing!  

Well I'm sitting alot lol.  Saturday I did way too much trying to help out and slightly injured my foot that just had surgery on it.  That has slowed things down and I'm really trying to pace myself.  Last night my foot was swollen when I took the boot off.  That has never happened before.  After speaking with my sweet doctor I'm going to do less.....really LOL  It's challenging with all our animals and little farm.  Plus our caregiver has been out so I'm taking care of Sarah.  Poor girl has not gotten a bath in days! I keep telling myself this to shall pass....I have lots of experience with that!  

Sam update

Just a quick update on Sam.

Since the surgery on Tuesday he has not made alot of progress.  He is still dealing with things that Sarah never even dealt with after her surgery.  

He has an NG tube that is constantly running with bile being suctioned out.  It has decreased a little today but he should have been off it by now (Sarah never even had a NG tube)  There has been much bowel sounds.  He did poop a kittle on Thursday with some meds.  Today he was up for 4 hours in the wheelchair.  And he pooped with no meds!  But the doctors don't get as excited about poop as we do since his blockage was high up.  

Thursday was pretty grim I will be honest  was very afraid for Sam.  At that point he had made zero progress and there was talk about him going back in to surgery.  Instead of crying I get mad!  I read his surgical notes and grilled the surgeon.  Bless his heart he was nice.  My fear is a resident/intern being involved and making mistakes.  That happened to me during Steve's 's birth and I have issues to this day from mistakes made.  But I feel that everything was done correctly.  

We began getting him out of bed on Thursday, he has a huge scar probably 7 inches but he doesn't seen to be bothered so much by pain of the incision. Thursday he was only up 30 minutes and wanted to go back to bed.  Today he was up for 4 hours and didn't want to go back to bed. 

Right now our prayer is that he has no more bile to be suctioned.  His output today was about 1100ml- that's alot.  He did poop today with no meds so that was really good.  He has not eaten since last Monday morning and that was only sips of soup.  The doctors aren't as excited about the poop because the blockage was so high up there was obviously poop in his system that could be expelled that has nothing to do with the blockage which wasn't really a blockage caused by poop if that makes sense.  

The gastro doctor wants to do a upper GI to check on things and to see if the blockage is still there.  The surgeon is considering a TPN line  that will give him nutrition.  TPN lines are way above my pay grade and nothing I've ever dealt with nor do I want to!!!~

By this point of Sarah's recovery we were home......

He gets a bed bath daily and his hair washed.  He loves it

yes i push him around some....

light machine

my foot....

These past few weeks have been stressful!  I'm not feeling very spiritual- I'm tired- so much medical drama.  Our caregiver has some medical problems in her family too and I'm worried about having to leave to go home to care for Sarah or bring her here.  I so wish I had not had foot surgery.  It's really made things 100% times harder.  I'm not in pain but I can not drive.  I'm really about a half second from just taking the darn thing off and hoping for the best!  UGH!

Thanks for your prayers and kind words! 

Well it's been a few weeks.....

 Well......since the last blog our lives have changed quite a bit. 

March 27 we were sitting on the couch after putting the babies to bed when Jon began rubbing his LEFT arm/shoulder.....well you already know where I'm going don't you......

He headed off to the hospital and in a few hours I got the call that there was Troponin in his blood suggesting something was going on with his heart.  Literally I started shaking so bad my teeth were rattling & I could barely talk.  Luckily our son got home from work and I called our oldest son and his wife.  They got over and we went to the hospital together.  Believe it or not a little 10 year old doctor (just kidding) was trying to tell Jon he just needed to get his shoulder checked out by a neurologist....the only one who got checked out was her!  We got the cardiologist in and of course he thought a heart cath was in order due to Jon's history and we knew there was a small blockage when he had his last heart cath in 2020.  At the time it was deemed to small and hard to get to.  In fact it was mentioned when he had the heart surgery in 2016 but it was too small to justify putting a stent in.  I know that sounds crazy but there is a protocol  to follow.  Anyway he had the heart cath the next day after many delays because of emergencies.  He was the last patient done and they successfully got a stent in.  It was on the LAD "the widowmaker"  Despite it being 90% blocked it was very reassuring to know this was not a "new blockage"  In fact his arteries are all clear and it shows that taking statins have made a huge difference!   I told on it was almost worth having to deal with all this to get that good news.  

So then he came home and all was good.....in fact I scheduled a cruise for us LOL  When he had his first heart attack and surgery I knew how much he wanted to go on a cruise so I told him "if he was a good boy in surgery" I would schedule a cruise for us.  I never wanted to go on one.....oh how that changed  So I scheduled one for us in a couple of months.  He's feeling great!

Then I finally made the appointment to have foot surgery.  I have Haglund's Abnormity and needed it taken care of.  It's caused by too much walking and high heels....Guilty!  So I scheduled it for the day after Easter.  There was no way I was going to wear a boot with my Easter dress!Easter was great~

We came home and had a great meal fun relaxing day.... later that night Sam seemed to throw up a little.  not much we actually thought maybe he intentionally made himself throw up.  He was playing and acting normal so we headed off to bed to be ready for my surgery the next morning.  I was beat because I'd spent the last week preparing for the surgery by laying pavers working on the lawn, cleaning the house and doing some meal prep.  Once during the night his pulse/oxygen machine went off but before I got out off bed it stopped so I did not worry about it.   But the next morning I looked in his room because I heard a noise and he was covered with horrible throw up- undigested food.  It overed him the bed and the wall.  We got him up and I cleaned (and retched) while Jon gave him a shower.... at that point I was questioning having my surgery!  But Jon said it would be ok.....Mr Optimist himself.

Our caregiver came and we told her just to give him some soup and tea a little later And off we went ....my foot surgery was easy peasy just a pain after with the stupid boot.  We got back home later and gave Sam some tea.  He had had a little of the soup but not much.  He couldn't even swallow the tea and threw it up  violently.   At that point we knew he needed to go to the ER.  Jon took him to our local ER hoping it was just a virus.  It wasn't.  He had a blockage in his small intestine.  He got transferred to Arnold Palmer in Orlando where thankfully we had a surgeon who had already seen Sam.   After we found Sarah's  malrotation of the small intestines we had Sam checked for it..... Of course he had it although it was not as crazy as her's was.  He had a regular malrotation which we were told was still serious but at his age we could just keep an eye on it,  Well....it was acting up so he had surgery yesterday.

He had the malrotation moved, the small intestine worked on appendix removed and the red mole on his nose taken off!  Unfortunately his surgery could not be done like Sarah  through a laparoscopy  so he has a huge cut down his belly.  He turned out to be more difficult than Sarah in a different way.  He has a NG tube that's removing all the bile and gook from his small intestines.

right before surgery

after

He recently has gotten obsessed with blankets.  this is so soft

so much bile 

Please keep Sam in your prayers  He has a long recovery ahead  My foot is pain free but I'm wearing a boot and suing a knee scooter a friend lent me  The doctor said if I obey his rules I should make a full recovery! My plans were a long 2 week marathon of tv and books.....welp.....I'm still doing things just like he told me-just not at home.  Jon and I take turns staying in the hospital.  He is staying nights and i'm staying during the day.  Thankful for a Ronald McDonald House right next to the hospital..  I do wish I'd cancelled the surgery but I had no idea how sick Sam was!!!  I'm stuck and need help to do things but at least I can sit with him.  

Honestly I was so overwhelmed by all this and a few other things going on that I just did not see how we could do this but we are making it.  Thanks for your prayers