Jon is taking the boys to Night of Joy at Disney. It's a Christian concert with several groups playing. This is the first time Shad has gone to Night of Joy and he is so excited. It runs late, so I'm hoping he can stay up for it! But I'm sure the excitement will keep him up. He loves Disney.
Today I was just thinking of things.... (yes I'm about to get meddling) The bible talks about "raising your child up in the way they should go so when they are older they won't depart from it." Jon and I took that command very serious, since the day we became parents. I'm not saying we are perfect, not at all but I am saying we have tried our best to raise the kids right and to live right in front of them. You can take your kids to church, send them to a private school, take them to Christian concerts but if you don't walk the Christian walk daily in front of your kids, then you are not raising your child right.
I was raised very strict in a Pentecostal family. Jon was raised a lot less strict as far as spiritual things went. I saw a lot of craziness, Jon's family was very Ozzie & Harriet type (which I love!) He was allowed to go to movies, dances, whatever where I was not allowed to do any of that. It was all "worldly" So in raising our kids, we've allowed them a lot more freedom than I ever had while still not as loose as Jon was raised. If we tell them "no" to something, we give them a real reason. We never want to be legalistic but we also want to honor God in our lives.
Stephen is such a rock, he doesn't even want to do things that we feel are questionable. Maybe because he has some freedom and we talk about stuff, he isn't even interested in doing some things. He has always been such an adult.
When I was a teen, we all wanted to know "how far could we go and still be a Christian" That was the topic of many discussions.... What I learned over the years is it's not how far you can go and still be a Christian, it's "how close can you get to God"
There are things that don't tempt me, or call to me... I don't want it in my life. I don't want to be dirtied with it. And more than anything I want to be a good example to my kids.
I've seen plenty of Christians and even ministers who didn't live it out day to day. I have friends who have scars from their upbringing.....
One thing Jon and I have always said "what you see in public is what you'd see in private" We have nothing to hide.... The way we act together in front of folks is exactly how we act together when no one is around.... I've seen way too many minsters' family where it all was just one big act...I hate that! That is so not us, we are really honest and open.
Parents, have standards, hold those standards up during hard times and in every day life. Don' waver.... Believe the bible, every word of it and teach it to your kids. Live it out in front of them.
My kids have seen me get angry, but they've also seen me apologize. I'm not saying you have to be perfect, but you have to walk it out.
Don't bring filth into your home! We have cable but we have about 20 channels completely blocked on all our TVs. Then we also have anything over PG blocked on the other channels. We've lived like this for years. I don't even know the code anymore to unblock them LOL cause there is NOTHING for me to watch that my kids couldn't watch! If something is on that I don't want my kids to watch, I'm not going to watch it either!
I'll tell you the funniest story. When we were at the Ronald McDonald House in Rochester last year, one night my husband went to go get Steve & Shad for something. As he walked in to the basement TV room, he saw that MTV was on and the lights were off. There was someone sitting on the couch with his back to my husband. Jon said loudly "we do NOT watch MTV" the person ignored him for a moment then as Jon said "we do not watch MTV" a second time, as the person fumbled to change the channel. Jon flipped on the light, ready to give a lecture....and it was NOT his son sitting there LOL Unfortunately it was a teenage father of a newborn...... Jon did laugh and apologized, he explained he thought the boys were in the basement. The funny thing is the guy was scrambling to turn the channel LOL (BTW I think RMH deleted some channels too) That was a huge joke to us, even know we laugh about it. Steve was somewhat offended and said he wouldn't have had MTV on anyhow!
We don't buy DVD's that have any sexual content, or nudity or filthy language....it's just not something we crave to see. And don't tell me that "that's just life" funny thing, I've never sat and watched a couple have sex in real life, why should I watch a tv version of it???? Think about it....
We don't buy any filthy cd's. The worst we have is some Johnny Cash, some 70's music....we aren't going to have our kids' minds filled up with ungodly things.
Our boys have video games and we keep an eye on those too. I don't like ANY video games, but we all reach a compromise on them. That is the ONE thing I wish had never come into our home. Not that my kids have anything bad....it just sucks their minds right out of their skulls!
Am I telling you this to tell you how holy we are? No I am sharing with you our convictions based on the word of God. You have one chance to raise your kids....raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord ~ I promise you will not regret it.
With Steve turning 18 years old next month, I've done some looking back...I don't have too many regrets, but I do wish video games had never come to our house. I wish I'd spent more time praying with and for him, I wish I would have encouraged him to read the Bible more....those are my only regrets. I find it very hard to pray out loud even in front of my kids but when he was little I used to read Psalms 1 to him all the time....
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
4 The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
5 Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
6 For the Lord knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.
I prayed this over him that he be a godly man....we didn't want him to be in the counsel of the ungodly or stand around with the sinners or sit with the scornful..... Can you see the progression of sin...First you are walking with the ungodly, then you are standing around hanging out with them then you sit down with them.....
Some people would say that in keeping our kids in private school or homeschooling them we were "protecting them from the world" You are right, we have and will continue to do so. If you ever plant a tree, you don't just plant it and leave it, you usually put up a stand around it or you put poles beside and tie it to the poles to give it some strength in the winds and storms.... That is how we see our job as a parent, to protect our children till they are old and strong enough to stand on their own spiritually.
My kids have seen PLENTY Of the real world...we are pretty open with them. They've seen the outcome of sin in people's lives. They've seen men in prison (yes we have taken our kids into the prison) they have seen broken people in our church or people we have gone to their homes. They have seen broken families.... They've visited nursing homes, they've been in orphanages, been to funerals and to visit the sick in the hospital, they've done outreaches in the inner city, they've seen people ravaged by drugs and alcohol. ..... They've dealt with all of our LIFE that we've walked out in front of them. I'm pretty sure they have a good idea of what real LIFE is..... Real life isn't singing some stupid rap song with a million cuss words in it.
Don't be afraid to tell kids what sin is and warn them to stay away from it. Some folks say "well I'll just let them decide things on their own" WHAT? You are going to let kids decide their spiritual fate on their own? That is crazy talk! That's like saying I'll just let them eat cake every day and I'll let them decide when they want something else.... or I'll let them decide IF they want to go to school.......Of course you wouldn't' do something so stupid. If you believe the bible, you need to be sharing it with your kids. If you see something on the news, don't just shake your head and say the world is just going to hell in a hand basket....explain to your children WHY that is mentioned in the Word of God and how we should respond as Christians.
Don't worry about being your kids' best friend...be their parent....
And let me tell you all with older teens and young adult kids, don't wink at sin and accept it in your child's life. If your child is involved with someone, why in the world would you let them move back into your house with their live in boy/girlfriend..... I see people do that and I just shake my head..... Love your kid, no matter what, but don't make it easy for your child to be involved in sinful activities.
I say all the time, that I know we can not control what our kids do when they are older BUT we can control how hard we make it for them to do wrong things. My kids might end up in a mess BUT they will have to go through me to do it! I would stand in their way and oppose it all the way....so would Jon. I'd love them every second, but I would never just shrug my shoulders and accept something. I see too much acceptance in the church world today, no one wants to offend anyone.... the bible teaches us to encourage each other to do good works and to avoid sin.
I've often thought what I'd do if one of the boys got into drugs or alcohol, we've told them from when they first heard of such things that if we ever even suspected it, we'd have them in a program so quick they wouldn't know what hit them. Having worked with individuals with those issues for so many years (both Jon and I ) we have our eyes wide open.
I'm not one of those parents who thinks that their sweet children could never do wrong....I think everyone has the potential to do wrong, I believe in original sin....LOL Shoot I know myself and what I'm capable of so why would I think differently about anyone else??? I have been quite amazed at myself at various times so ......
Tonight I feel like I should share this. Maybe it will help one family......
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Duck Dynasty's newest member Uncle Sam!
I will always be extremely grateful for my parents making the decision to send me to a private Christian school for grades seven to twelve. It didn't 'shelter', it provided a stable environment during one of the most critical times of development. Had I not been able to attend this school, growing in many ways would have been much harder. Every school has problems, but being away from a less-than-conducive environment is only helpful. Being constantly exposed to peers of the same age following less than ideal paths is much harder to resist. It is not to say that kids can't make appropriate decisions in more challenging situations but it is certainly better not to face the near constant bombardment that can happen in some school.
ReplyDeleteThose who criticize are the ones who are ignorant, not those who have made good choices for their children :)
ReplyDeleteWe may not agree on everything....and we may parent a bit differently--but I do agree with what you are saying and support how you parent your children 100%!
ReplyDeleteI will say though, private schools are not necessarily perfect either. Lots of bullies, people showing off what they have to the "have nots", etc. The school my daughter went gave her a great education and got her into a wonderful HS....but it was awful for my son. He's doing so much better in public school--no bullies, he has lots of friends, and he looks out for the kids who need friends.
So many parents wonder why their kids do terrible things--well, that's how you raised them! I am very proud of my kids, and although I miss my daughter at college so very much, I'm not worried. We raised her right (and yeah we're strict but I don't regret that!) so I know she's going to be ok.
Praying always for Selah...I showed everyone the video of her lifting her head, we are all thrilled! Just remember it's like you said--it's like a baby starting all over. I am sure she will start doing things again more regularly. I know you want her back, perfect, right now (trust me, so do I for your sake!) She and God have their own timing. Hang in there!