Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Housework & Responsibility

You know it's not hard to find an interesting discussion argument on FB but this one was annoying to me.  Basically a stay at home mom wrote how she expected her husband to do chores when he came home from work so she could spend the day making memories with her kids..... yeah right- probably wasting the day watching TV or being online!  Some of the stuff I see on FB makes me laugh for real.  We love doing things with the family- but we also like an orderly ran house.  I can guarantee you that if you take the time to clean and organize your house, you'll have more than enough time to do all the other things. I've found the more organized I am the more I have time for fun things!!!   I'm all for making memories but there's a balance.  Believe me some of my kids' memories will be doing chores LOL  It prepares them for real life!   I've met grown adults who had no skills in taking care of themselves in the real world.  That made me determined that my boys would not have that problem.  Sam even knows how to pick up his toys.  I think that's healthy.  I know I've heard the argument that none of their friends have to do chores....I tell them their friends will not be prepared for the reality of life.

One thing I think is very wrong with parenting today (and it started with my generation) is that the kids are like little gods. Now I love my kids but I don't worship them.  My kids know better than to interrupt me if I'm speaking to another adult.  I don't feel I have to meet all their needs by playing with them all day (even my little ones-need to learn to play and entertain themselves some)  We've never turned a birthday party into some  extravagant thing.  I doubt I've spent more than $100 on any party for my kids.   If they have issues with some other kid, I let them deal with it themselves (I'm talking about my older boys of course)

When I talk about my parenting style-there is a difference in how I deal with my older boys and my little ones with disabilities obviously.   With the older ones, go watch a Madea movie....that is my role model LOL  But even with my younger ones, I still draw a line if they understand what they are doing.  Sam has gotten in a bad habit of vocalizing over our conversations.  It's the same thing as a verbal kid interrupting their parents for something silly.  So we remove him from the situation and tell him "shhh"  He is learning he is not allowed to do it.

That brings me to another very annoying discussion I see on FB (and real life) sometimes about the behavior of special needs kids.  I can not tell you how often I see parents basically saying that people shouldn't judge them or their special needs kids for their misbehavior!  That's a bunch of bull.   With Sam and Sarah (and Selah before the accident) we absolutely believe they should be taught to behave.   Believe me, in 20 years when they are in their 30's, life will be so much easier for everyone if they can follow rules.  There is certainly a balance and we use different strategies for them than we did for our older boys  Most of the time we remove them from situations until they can handle them.  For example they go to church weekly and sit on the front row.  Since Sam was a baby he's been going to church.  If he gets loud I take him out and sit with him quietly in the office with NO toys.  I don't let him enjoy himself nor do I play with him, although I'll hold him quietly.  He's learned over the years to sit in church and rarely has to be taken out.  Sarah has almost always been easy with situations like that as long as I'm sitting by her, she's happy.  And that behavior of learning to sit still has transitioned to us being able to take them anywhere and they behave!  They handle themselves great at restaurants and movies.  So I figure if these two little ones can learn to behave without spankings then there's hope for any child.  It's a cop out if you don't teach your child coping measures and it will only hurt the child in the future.  Of course if the child really doesn't have the ability to understand that is one thing, but most of the conversations I hear is about kids who are much higher functioning than my little kids.

Back to my other peeve- Before Sam I worked a crazy job as a Probation Officer Supervisor.  I also commuted about 45 minutes each way.  Now that was hard but I loved it at the time.  But I can absolutely promise you that staying home with my kids is easier than being a working mom even though most of my kids require more than the average kids.  It's a different kind of stress but I can assure you I don't expect my husband to do housework when he gets home.  Of course he does little things like putting his dishes in the dishwasher or dirty clothes in the hamper but that's about it.  He does help me get the little kids to bed most nights and he is the toothbrushing King!  When I worked we cleaned the house together on Saturdays but with us all gone all week it was not much of a job.

Actually sometimes I do miss working but that would be impossible for me.  I've kidded around that I could go back to work and Jon could stay home but if that happened I'd expect the house clean and supper on the table when I got home LOL  It's not about gender roles to me it's about being fair and responsible, something that seems to be lacking in this day and age.

Speaking of being responsible, I've done laundry all day long-God bless the inventor of the washing machine!  I think that is my most used appliance.  I've got the same washer and dryer that I bought when Sam was a baby.  I do so much laundry-I can not believe how good those machines have worked!  The laundry room backs up to Selah's bathroom and our nurses always say that they hear the washer going every day.

Tonight I'm going to cook Chicken Fettuccini.  I'm using a mix because it's very low fat and I'm adding spinach.  I don't usually use mixes for anything but this should be ok.  I'm also making garlic biscuits which is not something I do much either.  I use fat free milk and cheeses with mixes and that keeps it more heart healthy.  Sometimes you just have to have a little something different.

The frozen meals have been a hit and very easy.  I've kept that going and it's made dinner time much easier.  I need to replenish my freezer but I think I have three meals ready to defrost and cook.  It's challenging to think of meals to fix when we use only chicken.  Publix has a ground chicken breast that is only 1% fat that I use in place of ground beef but sometimes you just crave BEEF!  Then I use chicken breast for everything else.  There is only so many ways to cook chicken LOL  I did make a beef stew for Sarah and the kids and Jon and I had a bowlful (no meat for him though!)  It was sooooo good!  I think that's Sarah's favorite meal.

Tomorrow horseback therapy starts back .  I know my kids will be glad.  Sarah loves riding horses as much as anyone I know.  Then they come home for an hour each of Occupational Therapy.  Most Thursday Sam is also going to massage therapy at a chiropractor to see if it will possibly help his legs.  Thursday is my crazy day.  But this still beats hunting down probation cases LOL

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