Today is day 30...... Today Selah "spoke" .....
Now you have to understand that Selah was "non verbal" before the accident. She was considered "non verbal" when she was in Ukraine also. She seemed to understand some language in English, that is called "receptive language skills" but she could not respond verbally. Sam is also non verbal but has receptive language skills. Sarah is non verbal and does not seem to understand any language but we think she knows her name. Before the accident, Selah seemed to understand "let's eat" "come here" and that was about it. If she was thirsty she stuck out her tongue.
So today Selah's therapist covered her trach and Selah was able to breath through her mouth without getting upset. She has never done that without trying really hard to breath and getting upset. Today it seemed not to bother her at all. Her oxygen stats stayed up at 100% and her heart rate stayed under 100 letting us know that she was ok.
Then she started making noises....it was a sorta groaning/whinny noise! The first time she did it, she was quite loud and startled herself. Then she grew more used to the sound.
Her therapist was also able to work with her this afternoon so I could see it and she did it several times:) She is making the effort to make the sound! But the very BEST thing is that she is tolerating her trach being covered & she is doing breathing through her mouth. The therapist Ms Meg, would let her breath through the trach and then blow out of her mouth. Sometimes she would have Selah breath in through her mouth also! This is just amazing to see her work and not be upset about it!
This afternoon I was able to hear her:) It is the beginning of her getting her babbling sounds back! We are so thrilled!!! So where she never had any real language, she had some real sounds that she made and we understood them for the most part. She had happy sounds and grumpy sounds and sad sounds. We are looking forward to hearing them again!!
The sounds she made today came mostly from her throat. BUT she began to imitate me as I was leaning over in her face making some of her sounds back to her. We saw her starting to move the muscles around her mouth! It seemed like to me she was trying to imitate what I was doing and she was trying to "banter back and to" with me, like she used to do with us. I believe if Jon would have been here she would have done it more. She really responds to him!
There had been concern that her vocal cords were paralyzed but thankfully we know now 100% that that is not the case:)
So you might wonder how it is to have three children that are basically non verbal....since we were used to Sam, it was not a big leap when we got the girls. We've just learned to watch them closer for clues of what they want, it is like having a one year old, I guess you could say. Sam will go to the fridge if he wants a drink or to the high chair to eat. Selah had learned the same from Sam:) Sarah is much more like a baby, we watch her for clues to what she wants but she is such an easy happy child, it is not hard to take care of her at all.
Having non verbal children is not hard to me. If you would have ask me 10 years ago, I'm sure it would have petrified me but it's really not that hard. Of course we always hope for words but it's not what we focus on. We are thrilled that Sam has learned to understand what we say like "let's go get a bath" or "let's ear" We hope Sarah will in time understand more and certainly we hope that Selah will come back to where she was and start to understand more also.
Also I have to add Selah had significant development delays before the accident. The thought is she probably had institutional autism due to what we can share with the doctors and therapists here. She also never heard English until we came in April, so she has alot of things that she has to work through including the accident....
I had forgotten to add something the other day about the xray of her feet, they found that her bones are quite brittle and it is obvious that she has been very malnourished at some time in the past....poor baby girl has gone through so much in her short life.
We had a slight change in plans on where we are staying in Jax. The family that offered the house for us to stay, now has a contract on it....we are glad for them! The church still is extremely involved with us and has gone back to the original plan of us staying at an extended stay Marriott, close to the rehab! It may be possible for people to give Marriott points towards a night stay for us and if so I will post about it. We are excited about the exercise room and pool, it will be good exercise for all of us. We feel extremely humbled and blessed by all that has been done and the love shown to our family!!!
So we are a grateful family tonight. Selah has a long way to go but she has come a long way. We don't know how far she will go but we are so happy that she knows we are here, she responds to us, she is NOT just a body in a bed any longer! Please continue to pray for her...she still has a long way to go!
"Our life maybe a crazy life but it's our life" I'm married to a pastor of a small rural church, who is also the prison chaplain. We have 5 kids, each with their unique story. I love gardening & we all love the outdoors. Our life is not the way we planned it to be, but we are learning to trust God in every area. Come and read about our life as we live it to the fullest!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Day 29 Fish OIl Study
Selah's cold/pheumonia/viral thingy is much better thank God. She did great in therapy today and is only having some labored breathing at times. She keeps her oxygen levels up but it seems she has to work on breathing. She did everything her therapist wanted her to do today and did it good. Her doctor asked if she could share Selah's story and the fish oil study with a group of PH.Ds from Cornell University tomorrow! We are so excited for others to hear about how Fish Oil is helping our daughter to recover from a coma.
I do want to explain to you that Selah is taking a very high pharmaceutical brand of fish oil. It is not something you can just buy off the shelf. She is also taking 4 oz a day of it! Soon I will have a link on my blog to Dr Barry Sear's website. You can buy the fish oil (and some in pills thank God ~cuz that is some strong stuff) along with other products he endorses. Dr Sears works with different sports groups and has done several studies of the benefits of fish oil for various issues. He has also done some books on diets/how to live healthy. At some point, it became clear that fish oil could help brain injuries. There are several studies supporting that fact but more studies will probably be made in order to get a wider group.
I will tell you a funny story.....when my friend from college emailed me the article that was on CNN, I called Selah's nurse that night. She told me that sometimes the hospital allowed families to give their children vitamins that didn't come through the hospital and maybe they'd allow us to give that to her..... Well that was all Jon & I needed! The next morning, he dropped me off at the hospital and went straight to CVS and bought TWO HUGE bottles of fish oil! We were ready to start popping them and putting them in her g-tube! The morning nurse thought we had lost our minds LOLOLOL!
Thankfully someone soon contacted me from Dr Sears' office and let me know the difference between fish oil you might buy in the store and pharmaceutical fish oil that is very refined. We still have those bottles..... We laugh about it now but we were DESPERATE~~~
Well it looks like next Tuesday Dec 11th will be our day to leave here! It also happens to be Jon's 49th birthday! If we really go on that date, we will be one day shy of her being in the hospital for 17 weeks! It will be 112 days! Then who knows how long she will be in rehab!
So keep praying for our Selah! I stand in awe of all that God has done! Some may say "you guys just gave her some medicine...it wasn't God" But I can tell you first and foremost ALL good gifts come down from above and that include the fish that God created!!!! She was starting to improve on her own but now that process has just sped up! We are grateful, first to God, then to a doctor who discovered this and brought it to the world's attention and to our doctor and hospital here that was willing to try it! And to my college friend David who emailed this to me in the first place!!!! We have grateful hearts and a little girl who is waking up and doing things no one thought she would ever do again!
I do want to explain to you that Selah is taking a very high pharmaceutical brand of fish oil. It is not something you can just buy off the shelf. She is also taking 4 oz a day of it! Soon I will have a link on my blog to Dr Barry Sear's website. You can buy the fish oil (and some in pills thank God ~cuz that is some strong stuff) along with other products he endorses. Dr Sears works with different sports groups and has done several studies of the benefits of fish oil for various issues. He has also done some books on diets/how to live healthy. At some point, it became clear that fish oil could help brain injuries. There are several studies supporting that fact but more studies will probably be made in order to get a wider group.
I will tell you a funny story.....when my friend from college emailed me the article that was on CNN, I called Selah's nurse that night. She told me that sometimes the hospital allowed families to give their children vitamins that didn't come through the hospital and maybe they'd allow us to give that to her..... Well that was all Jon & I needed! The next morning, he dropped me off at the hospital and went straight to CVS and bought TWO HUGE bottles of fish oil! We were ready to start popping them and putting them in her g-tube! The morning nurse thought we had lost our minds LOLOLOL!
Thankfully someone soon contacted me from Dr Sears' office and let me know the difference between fish oil you might buy in the store and pharmaceutical fish oil that is very refined. We still have those bottles..... We laugh about it now but we were DESPERATE~~~
Well it looks like next Tuesday Dec 11th will be our day to leave here! It also happens to be Jon's 49th birthday! If we really go on that date, we will be one day shy of her being in the hospital for 17 weeks! It will be 112 days! Then who knows how long she will be in rehab!
So keep praying for our Selah! I stand in awe of all that God has done! Some may say "you guys just gave her some medicine...it wasn't God" But I can tell you first and foremost ALL good gifts come down from above and that include the fish that God created!!!! She was starting to improve on her own but now that process has just sped up! We are grateful, first to God, then to a doctor who discovered this and brought it to the world's attention and to our doctor and hospital here that was willing to try it! And to my college friend David who emailed this to me in the first place!!!! We have grateful hearts and a little girl who is waking up and doing things no one thought she would ever do again!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Day 28 Fish OIl Study
Selah is doing better today although she is having regular breathing treatments, No fevers since Friday morning so that is good. It looks like she is recovering from this whatever it was....thank God!
One thing I have noticed today, and our doctor remarked on it also, is that Selah is keeping her tongue in her mouth more. Most people who have neurological injuries and/or have had breathing tubes tend to let their tongues hang out some. It is because it is easier and gravity actually plays a part in it. Selah has shown tongue control but today has been great, she is amazing!!!
We have some great news.....
A dear friend that we went to college with, really got burdened for our family's housing situation for when we go to Jax for rehab. He contacted a friend of his, who listened to Bryan and read our blog and then his friend, Bill, went to his church Mandarin United Methodist about it.... Several Sunday School classes and groups of the church wanted to get involved in helping us.... So a special family offered us the use of a home rent free for up to 3 months! The house is beautiful and in a great area of town:) The different groups in the church are committing to various things such as the utilities, bringing in dinners etc.... We are beyond blown away by all of this. What is so wonderful is we have been concerned about how long she would have in rehab. The average stay in patient is around 3 weeks, that's not to say she wouldn't stay longer but we were worried because we feel she needs much more than that. We have some great therapists set up for her in Zephyrhills but no one that has worked anyone off a trach. The speech therapist we have set up, has never done that and doesn't feel comfortable with trying to do that. BUT now even if she has to leave in patient quicker than we'd hoped for (due to insurance! ) we could probably still stay there a few more weeks and do intensive out patient therapy I think! So it looks like God has once again provided for this little girl....(we are just along for the ride)
This past year (since November '11) when we committed to adopting Sarah, has been a complete adventure. We have never experienced anything like it. God has led us throughout this year, through the different paths, He has remained faithful to us & we commit to stay faithful to Him. This year has filled me with more joy than I ever thought was possible and certainly more sorrow than I thought my heart could bear. But the one thing that has remained consistent has been the faithfulness of God.
We said YES to God last November when we saw Sarah's picture. We knew we wanted to rescue two children and God sent us Selah! We had no idea what was ahead for us but God did and He has walked with us through this past year in such a real way!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg
This song has spoken to me alot lately.... "Whom Shall I Fear?" by Chris Tomlin
"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of Angel Armies is always by side, the One who reigns forever is a friend of mine" That last line...."the one who reigns forever is a friend of mine" just gets me every time I hear it....
My mind goes back countless times to the ONE prophecy I've ever gotten that I really believe was from God, that day in the mall bathroom..... "your family is going to go through something big in the next few months, do NOT fear, many will see" Only God knows how many times I have clung to that word...espicially the "do NOT fear" The worst days when I could barely control my body to keep it from shaking or the times when the tears flowed like rain to the point my vision was affected, I clung to that word. There wasn't a promise of healing but rather an admonition to me, to not fear. It was NOT given to me in some angry judgemental way....but in a calm peaceful way. I felt it was said "like a hug". A promise that there was no need to fear because God was going to walk throught things with us, no matter what that was.... Many times I've said to God " I will not fear ......" Sometimes it was "I will not fear the doctor's words" or many times it was "I will not fear the future" The future was sooooooo scary at times. Even now, there are unknowns but I know the ONE who goes before me...
So tonight as I write it, sitting once again by my little girls' bedside, I KNOW that the God of this Universe is a faithful God! Tonight I sit here with thankfulness in my heart for the progress she has made and with hope for the future. But even in the worst days, I still knew that the God of this Universe was faithful.... that truth carried me days when I thought my daughter would die, it carried me when I thought she would never even know I was beside her, days when she was so far away....
I can promise you that there is nothing in this world worth hanging on to compared to living for God! For many years, even as a Christian I tried to "make things happen" and be in control of my life. If you can't tell, I'm pretty much "living in the moment" at this point...some might call it "living by the seat of my pants" LOL I don't know what lies ahead, good or bad...but I KNOW that God is with us and I know we want to live surrendered lives, now and in the future.
Please keep praying for Selah! Thank you!!!!
One thing I have noticed today, and our doctor remarked on it also, is that Selah is keeping her tongue in her mouth more. Most people who have neurological injuries and/or have had breathing tubes tend to let their tongues hang out some. It is because it is easier and gravity actually plays a part in it. Selah has shown tongue control but today has been great, she is amazing!!!
We have some great news.....
A dear friend that we went to college with, really got burdened for our family's housing situation for when we go to Jax for rehab. He contacted a friend of his, who listened to Bryan and read our blog and then his friend, Bill, went to his church Mandarin United Methodist about it.... Several Sunday School classes and groups of the church wanted to get involved in helping us.... So a special family offered us the use of a home rent free for up to 3 months! The house is beautiful and in a great area of town:) The different groups in the church are committing to various things such as the utilities, bringing in dinners etc.... We are beyond blown away by all of this. What is so wonderful is we have been concerned about how long she would have in rehab. The average stay in patient is around 3 weeks, that's not to say she wouldn't stay longer but we were worried because we feel she needs much more than that. We have some great therapists set up for her in Zephyrhills but no one that has worked anyone off a trach. The speech therapist we have set up, has never done that and doesn't feel comfortable with trying to do that. BUT now even if she has to leave in patient quicker than we'd hoped for (due to insurance! ) we could probably still stay there a few more weeks and do intensive out patient therapy I think! So it looks like God has once again provided for this little girl....(we are just along for the ride)
This past year (since November '11) when we committed to adopting Sarah, has been a complete adventure. We have never experienced anything like it. God has led us throughout this year, through the different paths, He has remained faithful to us & we commit to stay faithful to Him. This year has filled me with more joy than I ever thought was possible and certainly more sorrow than I thought my heart could bear. But the one thing that has remained consistent has been the faithfulness of God.
We said YES to God last November when we saw Sarah's picture. We knew we wanted to rescue two children and God sent us Selah! We had no idea what was ahead for us but God did and He has walked with us through this past year in such a real way!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg
This song has spoken to me alot lately.... "Whom Shall I Fear?" by Chris Tomlin
"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, the God of Angel Armies is always by side, the One who reigns forever is a friend of mine" That last line...."the one who reigns forever is a friend of mine" just gets me every time I hear it....
My mind goes back countless times to the ONE prophecy I've ever gotten that I really believe was from God, that day in the mall bathroom..... "your family is going to go through something big in the next few months, do NOT fear, many will see" Only God knows how many times I have clung to that word...espicially the "do NOT fear" The worst days when I could barely control my body to keep it from shaking or the times when the tears flowed like rain to the point my vision was affected, I clung to that word. There wasn't a promise of healing but rather an admonition to me, to not fear. It was NOT given to me in some angry judgemental way....but in a calm peaceful way. I felt it was said "like a hug". A promise that there was no need to fear because God was going to walk throught things with us, no matter what that was.... Many times I've said to God " I will not fear ......" Sometimes it was "I will not fear the doctor's words" or many times it was "I will not fear the future" The future was sooooooo scary at times. Even now, there are unknowns but I know the ONE who goes before me...
So tonight as I write it, sitting once again by my little girls' bedside, I KNOW that the God of this Universe is a faithful God! Tonight I sit here with thankfulness in my heart for the progress she has made and with hope for the future. But even in the worst days, I still knew that the God of this Universe was faithful.... that truth carried me days when I thought my daughter would die, it carried me when I thought she would never even know I was beside her, days when she was so far away....
I can promise you that there is nothing in this world worth hanging on to compared to living for God! For many years, even as a Christian I tried to "make things happen" and be in control of my life. If you can't tell, I'm pretty much "living in the moment" at this point...some might call it "living by the seat of my pants" LOL I don't know what lies ahead, good or bad...but I KNOW that God is with us and I know we want to live surrendered lives, now and in the future.
Please keep praying for Selah! Thank you!!!!
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Day 27 Fish Oil study
The doctors were concerned about Selah and reran some tests. Her chest x rays were the same, no worse, no better. She hasn't had a fever since Friday morning but has not seemed to feel good. She has had alot of secretions and I've been doing the suctioning. Her blood work was all good and her white blood cell count is normal which just points to a simple viral thingy going on. We can't help but worry some but her oxygen levels are normal and she has not needed any extra oxygen. I got her up in her chair for about 2.5 hours today and she did fine.
Below is a video I took last night. I had put the toy in her hand and she started moving it around, waving it. I was watching her for about 5 minutes and then thought I should video it for Jon. By the time I found my phone and figured it out, she had slowed down some. It's so wonderful to see her do new things and it just lifts our hearts:) When I think back just a few weeks, it is unbelievable how far she has come! We can't wait to see what she will be doing in a month! Hope you enjoy it!
Below is a video I took last night. I had put the toy in her hand and she started moving it around, waving it. I was watching her for about 5 minutes and then thought I should video it for Jon. By the time I found my phone and figured it out, she had slowed down some. It's so wonderful to see her do new things and it just lifts our hearts:) When I think back just a few weeks, it is unbelievable how far she has come! We can't wait to see what she will be doing in a month! Hope you enjoy it!
Thank you all so much for your prayers for Selah! We are so blessed to have such support!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Day 26 Fish Oil study
I can finally say with assurance in my heart that Selah is waking up....
I hesitant at times to say things because I am such a realist but the last two days I have seen so much emotion from her. Whenever I come in her room she lifts her head and shoulders off the bed and leans toward me. This afternoon when I came in, she did that and I sat on the side of the bed and held her. Then I put her down and she made a "cry face" and lifted her head and shoulders towards me, so I picked her up and sat in the rocker with her!!! She frowns at the nurses. she listens to Jon on the phone and turns her head whichever way I put the phone. Tonight she has been moving her left arm/hand while holding on to a toy I put in her hand. I've never seen her do that. She is doing a movement similar to what a baby might do with a toy for the first time!
It is amazing to us!
Her therapist says she feels daily a difference in her body and how she holds herself up....
ENT came and saw her as there was concern about her vocal cords. Our ST felt maybe they had been damaged but they looked fine. Ortho came in and did xrays on her feet to give us a better idea about the surgery and care she will need. Her ankles have remained tight no matter what was tried. So she will probably have to have her tendons cut and some botox to give her full range of motion.
She still keeps spiking fevers so it looks like we won't be going to Florida on Tuesday. It will probably be put off a week, so now we are looking at Dec 10 or 11th for her to leave. What she has now is considered viral pneumonia, if it is even pneumonia. She only gets a fever once or twice a day usually early morning. She has lots of gunk that I have actually enjoyed suctioning out:) She manages to get alot out of her trach on her own and we have to clean that too. It is good she is bringing it up on her own at times.
So no "storming" for 26 days:)
We are so thankful and happy:)
Tonight we had snow, about 1 inch and the boys played on their sleds! Finally! The LOVE the snow and now want more! It had snowed so much that we changed our plans. We had planned to go to MT Morris to eat supper with our good friends but were a bit concerned about driving in the snow so we stayed here. After we ate and played in the snow, I was able to come and spend time with Selah:)
Watching the snow tonight, walking in it, remembering the crunch of the snow under my feet, and feeling the brisk air was just wonderful and magical....then thinking about my little girl who is starting to want her mommy to hold her, it just was almost more than my heart could bear!
I just thank God for these wonderful changes. And I thank all of you who have carried Selah's name to throne of God on a daily or even more frequent basis..... We have trusted God through these past almost 16 weeks and He has been more than faithful to us! But even if these changes had never come, God was still faithful to us. He is a faithful God, through the good times and bad times. I've never felt God under girding like I have during this time, from the very second I saw the ambulances and started running, He has been with me!
I just want to encourage you, no matter what you are going through, to give it to God and lean on Him. He will be your strength. If you read through my blog, you will see how God was with me and He can be with you just like that! He is no respecter of persons, He doesn't love me anymore than He loves you! I'm no special spiritual christian....I can promise you that.... I'm a mess and a half and will be the first of many to say that! I don't think my prayers were so perfect and full of faith that God just decided to do something for us. I think if anything we've been like the widow woman in Jesus' parable in Luke 18
4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”
So that was the bible verse I clung to in the darkest nights... And please don't think that this is some sort of doctrine to get something from God, I am also not saying that! But when we prayed we prayed and left it with God. We did not demand anything from His hands, we didn't claim her healing, we did not speak life to her body. We simply asked God to have mercy on us and on Selah. I for one, do not believe God owes me anything as a Christian. To believe that is to say He owes me more than He owed all the saints of God of the past 2,000 years who went through torture and heartaches.... In life we will all have trouble and heartache. It amazes me how we take for granted God when everything is going good but let something bad happen, then all of a sudden we are mad at God and blame Him for every bad thing in the world. Recently several people have said things like that to me....they are so mad at God. When God didn't move like they wanted Him to do, then they go from ignoring Him completely to blaming Him.....
Folks, God is not a genie in the bottle. Now you might say I can sit here and say this because my daughter is getting better.....let me tell you I've been in plenty of situations where the outcome, was not the outcome I wanted but yet I knew God was still a good God. Through this whole time, God has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other....there were days I actually thought my heart would break and I would go blind from crying. I did not want to talk to anyone on the phone, I couldn't eat, I grieved....and I wan not convinced that she would get any better. Oh I hoped so but I am a realist to the tenth degree....and I've seen alot of things medically, so I had no false hopes.
What if she would have died or never ever responded to us? I still knew the God of this Universe was with us and I had the eternal Hope of Heaven and I knew one day she would be whole. That is what I have clung to.....and that alone and the fact I do know the God of this Universe and I walk with Him. I don't mean that pridefully but humbly.
Let me tell you, the peace of God is worth putting down any sin for! There is NOTHING that compares to it. I don't have the words to describe it, but I am so thankful for it! To be able to know that there is an eternal hope beyond this life and that I can depend on God no matter what comes....what a blessing. It's not worth hanging on to bitterness, it's not worth anything on this earth!
There is still a long road ahead for us but we will have God with us..... thank you for your prayers for our girl and for us also to stay strong in our faith!
I will post the ABC interview as soon as it comes on line, it was great and our doctor was so positive:)
I hesitant at times to say things because I am such a realist but the last two days I have seen so much emotion from her. Whenever I come in her room she lifts her head and shoulders off the bed and leans toward me. This afternoon when I came in, she did that and I sat on the side of the bed and held her. Then I put her down and she made a "cry face" and lifted her head and shoulders towards me, so I picked her up and sat in the rocker with her!!! She frowns at the nurses. she listens to Jon on the phone and turns her head whichever way I put the phone. Tonight she has been moving her left arm/hand while holding on to a toy I put in her hand. I've never seen her do that. She is doing a movement similar to what a baby might do with a toy for the first time!
It is amazing to us!
Her therapist says she feels daily a difference in her body and how she holds herself up....
ENT came and saw her as there was concern about her vocal cords. Our ST felt maybe they had been damaged but they looked fine. Ortho came in and did xrays on her feet to give us a better idea about the surgery and care she will need. Her ankles have remained tight no matter what was tried. So she will probably have to have her tendons cut and some botox to give her full range of motion.
She still keeps spiking fevers so it looks like we won't be going to Florida on Tuesday. It will probably be put off a week, so now we are looking at Dec 10 or 11th for her to leave. What she has now is considered viral pneumonia, if it is even pneumonia. She only gets a fever once or twice a day usually early morning. She has lots of gunk that I have actually enjoyed suctioning out:) She manages to get alot out of her trach on her own and we have to clean that too. It is good she is bringing it up on her own at times.
So no "storming" for 26 days:)
We are so thankful and happy:)
Tonight we had snow, about 1 inch and the boys played on their sleds! Finally! The LOVE the snow and now want more! It had snowed so much that we changed our plans. We had planned to go to MT Morris to eat supper with our good friends but were a bit concerned about driving in the snow so we stayed here. After we ate and played in the snow, I was able to come and spend time with Selah:)
Watching the snow tonight, walking in it, remembering the crunch of the snow under my feet, and feeling the brisk air was just wonderful and magical....then thinking about my little girl who is starting to want her mommy to hold her, it just was almost more than my heart could bear!
I just thank God for these wonderful changes. And I thank all of you who have carried Selah's name to throne of God on a daily or even more frequent basis..... We have trusted God through these past almost 16 weeks and He has been more than faithful to us! But even if these changes had never come, God was still faithful to us. He is a faithful God, through the good times and bad times. I've never felt God under girding like I have during this time, from the very second I saw the ambulances and started running, He has been with me!
I just want to encourage you, no matter what you are going through, to give it to God and lean on Him. He will be your strength. If you read through my blog, you will see how God was with me and He can be with you just like that! He is no respecter of persons, He doesn't love me anymore than He loves you! I'm no special spiritual christian....I can promise you that.... I'm a mess and a half and will be the first of many to say that! I don't think my prayers were so perfect and full of faith that God just decided to do something for us. I think if anything we've been like the widow woman in Jesus' parable in Luke 18
The Parable of the Persistent Widow
18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2 He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. 3 And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’
4 “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”
6 And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7 And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8 I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”
So that was the bible verse I clung to in the darkest nights... And please don't think that this is some sort of doctrine to get something from God, I am also not saying that! But when we prayed we prayed and left it with God. We did not demand anything from His hands, we didn't claim her healing, we did not speak life to her body. We simply asked God to have mercy on us and on Selah. I for one, do not believe God owes me anything as a Christian. To believe that is to say He owes me more than He owed all the saints of God of the past 2,000 years who went through torture and heartaches.... In life we will all have trouble and heartache. It amazes me how we take for granted God when everything is going good but let something bad happen, then all of a sudden we are mad at God and blame Him for every bad thing in the world. Recently several people have said things like that to me....they are so mad at God. When God didn't move like they wanted Him to do, then they go from ignoring Him completely to blaming Him.....
Folks, God is not a genie in the bottle. Now you might say I can sit here and say this because my daughter is getting better.....let me tell you I've been in plenty of situations where the outcome, was not the outcome I wanted but yet I knew God was still a good God. Through this whole time, God has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other....there were days I actually thought my heart would break and I would go blind from crying. I did not want to talk to anyone on the phone, I couldn't eat, I grieved....and I wan not convinced that she would get any better. Oh I hoped so but I am a realist to the tenth degree....and I've seen alot of things medically, so I had no false hopes.
What if she would have died or never ever responded to us? I still knew the God of this Universe was with us and I had the eternal Hope of Heaven and I knew one day she would be whole. That is what I have clung to.....and that alone and the fact I do know the God of this Universe and I walk with Him. I don't mean that pridefully but humbly.
Let me tell you, the peace of God is worth putting down any sin for! There is NOTHING that compares to it. I don't have the words to describe it, but I am so thankful for it! To be able to know that there is an eternal hope beyond this life and that I can depend on God no matter what comes....what a blessing. It's not worth hanging on to bitterness, it's not worth anything on this earth!
There is still a long road ahead for us but we will have God with us..... thank you for your prayers for our girl and for us also to stay strong in our faith!
I will post the ABC interview as soon as it comes on line, it was great and our doctor was so positive:)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)