Thoughts on Adoption

With all that has been in the media lately about Russia's ban on adoption, I just have to share my feelings.  Obviously this is just a purely political move that shows us Putin's heart (as if we thought he was a kind hearted man)  It seems to go beyond a political statement.  I'm not a big one on blaming things on the devil but this ban seems almost demonic in nature. 

It's hard to explain adoption and the love that it brings.  I remember way back in the middle 90's when Steve was a baby, I read an article in Charisma magazine about "dying rooms" in China.  Rooms where special needs children were placed to die!  I cried reading that article and had a "knowing" in my heart that one day we would adopt from China.  I can remember sitting on our bedroom floor, bawling and holding Steve.  I prayed that God would prepare the way and protect the child He had for us!  It was another 11 years before that adoption took place!  I soon forgot all about that prayer...but God in Heaven remembered....

Growing up I was raised by my great aunt and uncle.  It wasn't the worst upbringing but it certainly wasn't an Ozzie/Harriet type of life either.  BUT it sure beat the heck out of the  alternative, being raised by either of my "biological parents"!   I'm sure the love of my great aunt to me, probably opened my eyes to loving a child that wasn't my "biological" child.  

 

 

look at that sad baby!!

 

 

When I saw Shad's picture, I was drawn to him immediately!  I can't explain it....  same way with Sarah and Selah.....  they become YOUR child!  The closest thing to compare it to is seeing your child's sonogram photos....You examine every little part of them that you can see...I remember being memorized by Sarah's hands!  Don't ask me why but I loved her little hands in every picture I saw of her! 

I got this picture of Sarah while we were waiting and I just memorized it

And this one last Valentine's day to reassure me Sarah was ok.

 

 

This is one of the first pictures of Selah taken a few years ago

And here is one taken last year for us right before we went to Ukraine

 

 

So when you see these pictures even before you meet the child, you love them.  Then after you meet them....they are your child....I can not imagine having gone to court, and passing court and then not being allowed to bring the child home.  Jon & I talked about that and he said he was sure I'd be in a Ukrainian jail still if that had happened to us!  

 

 

I can't explain the love that you have but it is real and you would die for your child.  Adoption is just a word.  My three adopted children mean the same to me as my biological children.  It's hard for me to fathom they actually were someone else's biological child....  With Shad being abandoned we have no birth parent info.  On the girls we have a lot of info ....  with all three sets of parents, I have no desire to meet them, no desire to thank them....their actions condemned my three children to a life in an orphanage....  I'm a mom, of a special needs biological child and I wouldn't have left his side for one minute, much less gave him away because of his disability.  Shad's vision impairment happened because of an accident.  Our doctors can tell he was not born with his eye like it is.  It looks as if he fell onto something and it went into his eye.  there is scar tissue all the way up into the optic nerve.  It was a very bad accident....then his family left him on a street.  He was no longer "perfect"  They walked away from him, after an accident....   That bothers me so much....  that would be like us walking away from Selah after her accident....I can not imagine.  She is even dearer to us now than she was before, if that could be possible! 

 

 

So I think of all the abandoned children in Russia, especially the special needs ones...does Putin really think that his Russian people are going to adopt those children??  Read this blog of a blind Russian girl...     http://world.time.com/2013/01/14/the-blind-girl-vs-putin-a-plea-for-russias-handicapped-orphans/     she is amazing  and she tells Putin at the end to lead the change and adopt a few handicapped kids.....  You go girl!!!!

 

 

So many countries with their backgrounds not rooted and grounded in Christianity have such a jaded attitude towards adoption, especially special needs adoption.  Look at China, Russia, all the former Soviet Union countries....they don't respect LIFE and it shows.  In America we help our weakest, things may not be perfect but I can promise you they are much better than any other country on the face of this earth!  If you doubt me, then take me to the nearest mental institution that is full of malnourished sick bed ridden handicapped children and I might just believe you.....but you won't find that in America....and if you did, people would go to prison for it!!! 

 

I pray that this awful ban is lifted and adoption are allowed to proceed....Putin wants to say that 19 children of the 100,000 plus that have been adopted by Americans over the years have died in their parents care.  I wonder how many children are dying MONTHLY in orphanages in Russia???  If I had to guess, I'd say probably more than 19!  Of course any death that could be prevented is awful but the truth of the matter is, adoptive parents pass such scrutiny and background checks, as well as education classes, that they are well prepared and really want to be parents....Adoption is not an accident!  You don't just "happen to adopt"  it is HARD!  And I think it should be, it shows that a family has perseverance and really want the child or children, to the point their whole life is turned upside down. 

 

People adopt for various personal reasons....some say they do not like the idea of "rescuing" their child but for us that was a part of our adoption.  We certainly rescued them and gave them the love of a family.  It thrills me to do things for my kids that I know they never had before, even if it is ice cream or whatever...  I love taking care of them and knowing they'll never be hungry again!  We think of the three of them as JEWELS that were hidden away.....not appreciated, then they were taken out of the dark, cleaned off and then they could shine! 

 

I keep reading different articles and hearing things on tv.  I hope this is just Putin acting big and bad and I hope he will back down after he thinks his point is made.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I had always said that I never ever wanted to adopt from Eastern Europe, including Russia, because of the uncertainty of the adoptions and the changes that happen over night...  Of course then we adopted from Ukraine and did go through some of the ups and downs that I was afraid of!  But it was worth it to get our girls!!!  

Day 72 Fish Oil Study and Frustration

Selah had a really good day today.  She did therapy out of her room and was relaxed.  Her doctor wanted to go up on the Bacifin (it relaxes her muslces) and she did by .5 and it made a big difference in Selah's arms and right leg. She is sleeping so nicely tonight.  But she had a really busy day and she was alert all day so we aren't worried that the med is making her sleepy.

Tomorrow the dose of Ritalin is being doubled. We have not really seen any signs of it working but it had to be given at a low dose to start with to make sure that she would not have an adverse reaction. If we see no change in a few days we will take her off of it.


The Frustration is we are sitting here in Jax, Selah in a hospital where she could get sick, my kids by themselves most of the day as we are with Selah, Jon not working, so many ramifications from finances to schooling....WAITING on home nursing care!!!  It would do no good for Jon to go home and go back to work as we can't be here as a family without him nor could they all be there at home as a family without me....and we don't "roll like that"   With the little ones, and all their needs, it takes two adults to split the time.  If he was gone, I'd have very little time with Selah because I'd have to do eye drops and everything by myself and I can't be at two places at the same time....

Basically our issue is where we live...supposedly our area is hard to get nurses for.  No agency has agreed to take our case.  We are expecting to get 24/7 nursing and that would require about 6 or 7 nurses to staff her.  I have called Tallahassee as she is now under Medicaid.  When I worked for the state, I worked with agencies that contracted with the state and they were REQUIRED to provide whatever services they had contracted OR they would lose their contract the next year.   I have had some very helpful folks working with me in the Medicaid office but it seems like we are not getting anywhere.....  if you are in any position to help me, please contact me. theclanton5@aol.com   This is ridiculous and all of our lives are on hold at this point.  I know that Selah needs to come home and believe she will do better once she is home!  At this point, I may have to contact Tallahassee once again.

If you live in the central Florida area and are licenced as a nurse and interested in working for our family through a nursing agency please contact   at click on their http://www.psahealthcare.com/job_search.html   career section and apply.  Please note I would not feel comfortable with a male nurse in our home....sorry I know "beggers can't be choosers" but that would make me uncomfortable.
We are almost out of our mixture that goes with the fish oil, it basically coats the stomach and intestines and allows for the fish oil to be absorbed better.  It also protects the plastic syringe and tubing from the fish oil.  Well Dr Sears' office needs the doctor here to order it, the doctor here won't order it since she didn't order it to begin with....I can't go back to the original doctor as she has no jurisdiction over her medical care now.....more frustration.....

And my blog is not allowing pictures to post.....things like that annoy me!

Good thing I wrote a spiritual post earlier....LOL  this is my real life and I'm not feeling it......

Five months ago.....Commitment

Five months ago, right about this time as I type  this, our lives changed forever......

People have said to me they can't believe how I've handled this ordeal.  It embarrasses me when they say it....how do you respond to that?  "well thanks I'm pretty spiritual"  LOLOL....    truly the only way I've handled these past five months have been through God's strength.  I do not say it lightly....  I am not some  spiritual giant.  I've never spent hours and hours in prayer, I'm a DOER!  I pray as I go....  I'm not sinless LOLOLOL  and if you know me you are laughing out loud also!  I've got a temper that I barely keep under control...but I'm not an angry person, I just don't have time to put up with foolishness, falseness, power plays or stupidity.  There is to much to do for God and for others to waste my time. 

The one thing that I did that has help bring me through this is a commitment I made almost 9 years ago standing in a hospital corridor.  I was watching an "undeserving" (in my  opinion ) family take home a healthy newborn as my son struggled for his life in the NICU.  You see about 9 years before that moment, we had lost twins and I went through "a season of the soul" that lasted for years, I was bitter at God, the world, everyone around me....you name it and I was bitter about it.  I worked through it and with God's forgiveness I was able to overcome it.   Bitterness is a terrible thing.....  so in that hospital corridor, I had to chose to trust God or allow bitterness to overcome me once again.....I chose TRUST!  Not so much because I was so spiritual but because I knew what bitterness does to a life and I did not want to go through that again.  So that day, I chose to trust God, not knowing what was ahead for me in parenting a sweet little disabled boy~Sam.  But I soon learned there was so much JOY in my choice!  To trust God and lean on Him became the very thing that my soul needed to heal from that hurt.  He bound up my broken heart, broken over the fact my little boy would never have a "normal" life.  Can I tell you today that doesn't even make my heart twinge? 

So when the accident happened, I reminded myself to TRUST and I remind myself DAILY to trust God.  He didn't cause the accident, He didn't cause Sam to be born blind, He didn't cause my twins to die, but He is the rebuilder of broken dreams.  I committed to trust God and to "not charge Him foolishly"  That means I don't spend my time asking "WHY God?"  "Why did this happen to us?"  "Why did this happen to Selah"  of course I know it was human error/an accident and I don't put the blame on God for not preventing it.  I also don't put a burden on my husband's shoulders for letting it happen.  We've all had situations that could have been just as bad...accidents happen, no one is perfect.  I also don't put the blame on "the devil"  I don't think the devil caused it....we live in a fallen world...the very week of the accident, one child drown 2 days before, one man a day before and an handicapped man 3 days later JUST in the Rochester area....  Our children were the only ones who lived....  Accidents happen....by looking away for a moment, things can happen.  We are fragile humans.....

So I trust God....I don't even necessarily believe it's"all part of His plan"  but I trust HIM!  I believe He can" work it all for good"  but I certainly don't believe He preordained tragedy.....  But I trust Him....  He knew what laid ahead for our family.....He knew when He sent that lady to me in the mall months before to tell me "Something big is ahead for your family, do not be afraid, many will see"   I don't know why He didn't stop it from happening but God is not a genie....we live in a fallen world, we aren't promised a rose garden even if we are Christians....

Can I encourage you to trust God?  We all have our stories and our tragedies....but if you will trust God despite what you go through and quit blaming God for the bad things in your life, then maybe you might just find that peace you crave.  I don't believe you will find peace any other way......

Let God write your life story.  I'm not saying just lay back and do nothing but let Him be there in the story of your life....  He will be your peace when there is no other peace to be found, I can promise you that!  No one or nothing else will be that peace you seek. 

I am so not a perfect person and I will be the first to say it (before someone else chimes in...)  I don't claim to be the most spiritual,  but I'm confident in the One who I depend on....  I know He will be there for me, even if I don't get the "pastor's wife of the year award" and have to tell someone off LOL! 

Day 71 Fish Oil Study

We got back to Jax late this afternoon and I dropped everyone off at the hotel and came over to Selah.  I missed seeing her since Saturday!  She has a great nurse tonight and she had had her bath and looked great.  We put her splints on and totally ticked her off but thank God she didn't storm!  Once we got them off, and the nurse moved her around some, she went to sleep.  I'm just sitting here watching her sleep.  She has done fine with the Ritalin, no adverse reaction.  I'm not sure if the doctor will go up on it, I think we'll find out tomorrow.

I thought you all might find interesting the email I got today from Dr Sear's assistant.  In it he writes about the need for safe pure fish oil. 

Good evening Everyone,

You may have heard me say Omega Rx 2 is a remarkable product. It can help athletes perform significantly better, improve moods, reduce pain as well as provide many other health benefits - and most of you have confirmed this by taking it yourself. One thing I may have not talked about to you about is the purity of Omega Rx 2. Purity matters because the ocean is full of toxins and so are the fish. If you don't eliminate these toxins, in particular PCB's, during manufacturing, they end up in your body! Of course, every company will tell you what level of toxins in in their capsules, right? Don't bet on it!

THE FISH OIL STANDARD - OMEGA RX2

In 2002, Dr. Sears wrote the Omega Rx Zone (I highly recommend you read this). This book describes the amazing clinical benefits of omega 3 fatty acids, which pioneered and launched the fish oil/omega 3 industry. Prior to this, there was no availability of any high concentration, low toxicity omega 3 supplements. At this point, Dr. Sears also initiated lab testing for fish oils to hold manufacturers and production companies accountable for the purity of their products - particularly PCB's and OXIDATION. In fact, some are considered unsuitable for human consumption based on World Health Organization standards! As you can imagine, not many companies were willing to do this because they would fail miserably - and chances are, if you have taken fish oil (other than Omega Rx) over the years, it's not so pure!

Fast forward a decade and the same sad situation for omeg-3 fatty supplements is still true. Since there is no real accountability for quality, rancidity and freshness at the highest levels, marketing companies can make any statement they want with regard to purity. It is really a BUYER BEWARE market! Luckily, Dr. Sears has stepped up the quality control to maximize purity. There is no fish oil product in the world, with or without a prescription, that meets the same purity standards as Omega Rx2!

WHAT ARE PCB'S?

Polychlorinated biphenols are insulators for electronic transformers made by General Electric. They were first produced in 1930, peaked production in 1960 and finally banned in 1977 due to their toxic nature. However, they are still in every part of every ocean in the world since they are virtually indestrucible. In the body they act as neurotoxins, carcinogens, endocrine disruptors. Probably not something you want in high quantities in your body. Unfortunately, these PCB's are found in every fish and therefore fish oil sold today. We have set the purity standards to bring them to trace levels, but you might want to be weary of other brands that don't!

CALIFORNIA STANDARD FOR PCB'S - PROP 65

In 2002, California set an allowable upper limit for fish oil to contain PCB's. Despite this new law, a number of COMPANIES still sell tainted fish oil and were finally held accountable. However, they did not make them remove their product from the shelves. Actually, the level they set for acceptability is still very high at 90 parts per billion and yet they couldn't meet these standards! I think as close to zero would be a much more acceptable level!

Coincidently, when you purchase OMEGA RX 2 from Zone Health, you will always have extremely low, if not undetectable, levels of PCB's. To validate this claim, you can download an analysis of this batch of Omega Rx 2. CLICK HERE and then click on "Ingredients Q & A". Here you will see reality and truth of fish oil purity. If you want to define quality, this is it!

*I have attached a copy of the analysis for your viewing pleasure!

5 DIRTY SECRETS OF THE FISH OIL INDUSTRY - A MUST READ!!!

In this article, you will read about the dark secrets of the fish oil industry and what they won't tell you! In addition, there are additional links that confirm the quality of Omega Rx 2 with third party lab testing. Honestly, this info completely separates every other fish oil in the world. There is no purer, period!

WHY NOT EAT FISH

Fish may sound like a good idea but it still comes from the ocean and is laced with toxins. As many of you know, it is not recommended that pregnant women consume more than 2 servings per week. This is a powerful statement and gives you an idea about the junk in our fish supply!

CONCLUSIVE RATIO!

To not balance your omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acid intake, is like playing Russian Roulette with your health. Unfortunately, omega 6 fatty acids are everywhere in the food you eat and drive inflammation - which contributes to chronic disease, pain, moods, poor athletic performance, etc. Fish is one of the main sources of omega 3 fatty acids but you would need to consume 7 pounds of lobster, or two pounds of tuna, or 6 oz. of salmon a day to equal 2.5 grams of EPA & DHA ; the minimum recommended by Dr. Sears. Considering that omega 3's are essential to human health, means you need to consume a quality supplement, free of toxins!

My next email will be why we need omega 3 fatty acids and how the dietary balance of omega 6 to omega 3 ratio can determine your risk of heart disease as well as other potential chronic diseases. Have a great week and here's to your health!

   

Paul Wilk

Zone Health Associate

949.212.1123

www.zonehealth.com

 

 

If you are interested you can click on the top right side of my blog above the videos and there is a link to Dr Sear's website. 

 

 

I enjoy his emails and always learn from them!

 

 

Let me tell you the funniest thing today....I was CRAVING coffee and a doughnut.  I'm not a big coffee drinker nor do I really like sweets too much...but I was CRAVING it!  So I passed a Dunking Doughnuts on my way to the hospital and had to turn around.  When I was in the turn lane I realized the DD was right next to a porn shop!  LOL  so the traffic is horrible and all I could think of was it looked like I was heading into the porn shop....me in the Mommy van with all the kiddo stickers on back!!!  I was dying by the time I got into the Dunking Doughnut's parking lot and wasn't sure if I really wanted coffee from a place next to a porn shop!

 

Day 70 Fish OIl study

We decided to stay overnight at home so we have been working on projects this afternoon.  Most have annoyed me!  I went to two different pharmacies to get Selah's meds ( to have them once she is home ) and just got the total runaround....So still don't have them in place.  I have a million little crappy "projects:" that only I can do like fax insurance/prescription cards...etc....so annoying.  I feel like I"m getting NOTHING done!  I need to make a list and just go down it.  That is the only thing that works for me.

Selah has done fine, no more elevated heart rates.  No issues...it's just hard for me to be away from her.  I feel torn in a million directions, being so far from home, there are so many things that need to be taken care of here when I am home!  Probably tomorrow they will up her dose on Ritalin and see how she does.  We hope to be up and rolling early!  We will be up...rolling is a bit hard with all the kids!

Had a good service today.  Our music minister sang a grouping of some of the old "Sunday night revival songs"  One was a childhood favorite "Getting Ready to Leave this World"  and there were a few more ALL I knew but now can't remember them LOL  I have no brains or memory left...that is why I make lists!  Every Sunday I say I"m not going to church so I can get things done before we leave since we're just home Saturday night and Sunday morning but every week I go....and am glad to go....

PLEASE keep praying for Selah, pray this med will work on her.  Pray the Fish OIl will continue to work on her but more than anything pray that God will have mercy and touch our daughter and heal her. 

Day 69 Fish OIl Study

This morning we went to see Selah.  We took her outside for some sun and we fed the ducks in the outdoor pond.  Sam threw in a whole piece of bread and the ducks loved him. Selah seems to enjoy being outside.  We are so looking forward to her being home where we can take her outside daily. 

She was started on the Ritalin at 8 am today.  The doctor will start her slowly and see how she does.  She did get upset this afternoon after her splints had been on her arms for 1.5 hours.  The nurse removed them and held her for a few minutes and she calmed down.  We don't think that was caused by the Ritalin but it will be watched closely.  Please pray that she will respond to this medication.

We drove home and went to see Jon's dad.  It was his 85th bday!  What a wonderful father in law he has been to me all these years!  My mother in law was the greatest also and we miss her.  She was killed in a car accident only a few months after Jon & I got married.  I often think how different life would be if she had not had the accident.....  You never know what tomorrow holds, love your family and hold them close while you can. 

So we finally got home  late tonight and found ALL our "left over" things ~ things we couldn't get packed int our car waiting for us!  Thank you RMH for mailing all that to us, it was like a little Christmas:)  We weren't sure what was in there LOL!

Well I had some great photos but my blog is not being cooperative...maybe tomorrow!

Thanks for all your prayers!!!!

Day 68 Fish OIl Study ( and book review)

Today Jon took the day shift and spent the day with Selah.  He was able to take her outside and she seemed very content.  We have been reading and discussing various meds that have shown some improvements in some patients.  We have decided to try her on Ritalin.  It works on a child like Selah differently tha it does on a child that has ADD.  In a child like Selah it has shown to help make them more alert.   The other med we tried a few weeks ago didn't work at all but this works differently on the brain so maybe it will help her. 

Jon came and picked us up and we went to this great place called Town Center...oh my....lots of places to eat and stores.  I got a manicure/pedicure....and just like the Russian lady who cut my hair that day before Christmas when I was so down....the lady who did my mani/pedi was a Vietnamese Christian.  She wrote our names down in her bible to pray for Selah.  She kept telling me "not to worry I will pray now every day"  While my nails were drying ( my REAL nails btw!  Nothing like a bit of MRSA to keep my hands out of my mouth LOLOLOL)  she came around and gave me a massage and I could hear her praying under her breath....it took all the self control I had not to just bawl my eyes out....  I love God's people!

Jon found the best book at Barnes & Noble!   http://www.amazon.com/The-Grace-Effect-Corruption-Unbelief/dp/1595554408    The Grace effect by Larry Alex Taunton

IF you have ever adopted or plan to adopt from Ukraine this is such a great book!  You will find yourself standing in the hallway of the SDA....it talks about the corruption and the "gifts" or bribes...(yes for the record we did knowingly give a "gift"  LOL  at that point we were at, it was a NO brainer!!  And we would do it again in a heartbeat!)  So many of the descriptions just brought back so many many memories.  I LOVE Ukraine despite all of its problems.  I didn't feel like that about China.  But Ukraine got in my heart!

This writer Larry Alex Taunton is a apologist and he regularly debates the "new atheists" like Christopher Hitchens (before his death)   So this book also is about the GRACE of God in an orphan's life and shows how ONLY Christianity reaches out to the world to change it!  What a GREAT book!!!!    I was fightig tears throughout is as I sat in Selah's room tonight reading it....

So since Jon did the day I stayed with her late tonight.  She was unusually alert for the time and she watched her DVD of Baby Praise intently!  I felt like she wanted to be held and she did:)  I sat her up and pulled her into my lap and she just got so calm.  Later I had her torso supported by my knees and she totally held her head up for quite a while!  She would need some assistance at times but did better than I have seen her do since we have been in Florida!  After I put her to bed, I went and found the nurse, I actually thought maybe they had already started the Ritalin and she was responding!  But it doesn't start till tomorrow morning.  I was just thrilled with her alertness and how she would look me in the eye.  One thing that really bothered me is her arms were so tight tonight.  They were drawn up to her sides and bent in.  I did alot of ROM (range of Motion) and ticked her off good!  She has 100% ROM but she just goes back to that position.  Jon said she was not tight when he was there and that the therapists remarked on how loose she was.  Tone is a funny thing!

Please pray that Ritalin will  help Selah......we will not quit praying or trying to find medical help for her ever!  Sometimes it is trial and error.  But we will try things that have sciectific data supporting some positive changes in patients like Selah.  I'm not a big drug fan but at this point, we will try things and see how she reacts!  There are a few more drugs to try that have brought help to some children.  But we hope this one will help her!