Awashed with memories......

Awashed with memories..... is that a word?  Awashed....I don't know but that how I feel today...memories are just washing over me.   I looked it up......
 a·wash  (-wsh, -wôsh)

adv.

1.

a. Washed by the sea.

b. Washing about.

2. In such a position or way as to be covered with or as if with water.

adj.

1. Level with or washed by waves.

2. Overflowing with or as if with water.

3. Floating on or as if on waves

Yep that is how I am feeling.....interesting that it is equated with water.....
I'm such an anniversary type of person, so my mind keeps going back hourly or even more often to this time last year....

We left home on Friday the 10th...famous last words as we are trying to get on the road and running late...."Jon don't go back for that...we'll only be gone a week"  Yes I said that, obviously I do not have any skills as a prophet!!!

We packed all the kids, in our new van headed up to New York on our first family trip with the girls.  We got off to a little late start.  I'm one of those persons who says "we are leaving at 8 am" and we DO or I yell!!!   We drove up 301 towards Jacksonville, our favorite little cut through and stopped at a road side stand to buy a few things for our favorite doctor.  The workers there loved my kids and gave us a big bottle of cane syrup.  I still have it ....   We drove around Jax, never ever dreaming we wouldn't be back to Florida till December and would end up in Jacksonville, a city I have an unusual distaste for....  (sorry to my Jax friends- you guys are awesome)

We drove and stopped and changed diapers....spent the night in Charlotte NC (remembered flying out of there going to go get our girls just months earlier)  Then on Saturday the 11th ( a year from today) we drove up to Mt Airy NC, Andy Griffin's home town and did a quick tour....could that really have been one year ago today?  We bought some things and ate lunch.... 

I didn't know that in days this picture would be all over the news.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have no earthly idea how much I wish I could go back to that day....  We were so happy, the trip had been easy, we were enjoying ourselves.  We are Andy Griffin Fans!  We bought the Mayberry Monopoly game to play...it has never been opened.... We have all the seasons of the show but  I've never watched it again, it just brings back too many memories that are like daggers in my heart.  Just driving by that exit on our way back to Florida in December caused me to sob uncontrollably....   I guess because it represents our last family day...before the accident. 

When we left Mayberry aka Mt Airy, we decided to try a different interstate than I-81 which we usually take just north of there, so we kept going up I-77 (I think)  We got in a traffic jam but we were listening to a funny CD we had bought and the kids were all happy....   Normally I get very annoyed by traffic jams but I was just so happy and we were all laughing, for once it didn't bother me at all. 

We drove up to Ripley WV (which our friends who were here last night HAD just moved from that very week last year)  and spent the night in a great hotel.  We went out to Outback that night and the manager noticed our family.  He had a family member who was special needs also.  He sent our server over to say our dinner was on the house and he sent us some gift certificates.  It was such a kind expression of love that I teared up. 

Our trip just seemed so blessed and peacefully.  I remember feeling like we were just in the palm of God's hand.  All summer I had battled with a fear that something was going to happen to one of my kids.  Several friends of friends had had terrible accidents and I knew of 3 or 4 deaths of children over last summer.  Steve was scheduled to go to Daytona Beach in July and I talked him out of it.  I didn't tell him why, of course, he would have thought I was "cuckoo"     But that seemed all behind us on the trip. 

We had everything ready for the little girls to start therapy as soon as we came back.  The boys were all ready for school to start....I had myriads of specialist's appointments scheduled for the girls for the fall....  We were looking forward to a quick trip up, good news for Sam and hopefully surgery on Sarah's eye....  I'm usually Ms Sensitive but nothing was on my radar, I was just completely happy.   There is always that little fear that something might go wrong with Sam's exam but he seemed fine, his eye looked good, so I wasn't really worried.  I was a bit concerned about whether Sarah would be eligible for the eye implant and if it would work but I felt like all of that would go smoothly....guess I was wrong there too. 

I left my house clean, I had gone grocery shopping right before we left so when we came home we wouldn't be out of everything....School clothes were ready.....everything was in place.....

Oh but our life was about to be turned upside down.......we were about to walk through the darkest valley of our life....

Hold your kids close...you never know what tomorrow might hold....Love them, take a zillion pictures and videos....kiss them....

Pictures

 

 

 

 

This is Sarah asleep on the floor last nigh.  She likes to fall asleep like this every night and we let her.  Usually I change her first into her PJ's but she just likes to be with us so I let her sleep on the floor for awhile and then put her to sleep in her crib on her back.  I think of all the lonely days and nights she had and understand how she likes to be close to us.

 

 

This was Shad today after a huge lunch.  He said he was going to fold clothes-which is his job.  Steve hangs up and puts away the clothes....but it looks like his belly was too full.

 

Nothing like nice warm clothes to sleep on LOL

 

 

 

Tonight we were blessed by some dear friends stopping by to see us.  Our denomination had it's bi-annual meeting this past week in Orlando.  We really just were not up to going nor could Jon take off this past week.   But our precious long time friends came by to see us before they went home.  Joe  and Laura went to Bible college with us, we knew each other from our first days in the ministry....we've told stories and encouraged each other, we've laughed together and probably cried together too...  Tonight they laid their hands on Selah and prayed for her.  It meant so much to us. 

 

Laura, me Jon and Joe

Jon and Joe

Me and Laura

 

Friendship is so important, I know I say that a lot but I do not take my friendships for granted.  Even when we only have a few hours to spend together every few years or so, it's still precious....  With friends like these guys...I just say "one day we'll have time to visit with each other in heaven" 

 

Selah had a good day and is sleeping peacefully tonight.  Please request prayer for her at your church on Sunday  as we are close to the one year anniversary....we still fervently pray for Selah. 

 

 

 

Interesting day

Well I've had an interesting day.....started this morning early at the Social security office.  A guy sat down by me and started talking to the whole room it seemed...he was in court today because his "baby mama" knew he was "blanking" another woman and she called the police on him.  She had him charged with Domestic violence and he lost his social security card when he got arrested....  "Baby Mama" YES there are folks who use it in a regular "conversation"   It was an eye opening morning.....  I just sat and reread all my paperwork like a zillion times and acted like I was so engrossed with my work!

Then I did a little shopping for my hubby.  He has tons of dress clothes.  He has jeans and work out clothes but no nice beachy clothes, no decent shorts...so I got him a couple of outfits and some short socks so he will not be tempted to wear his calf high white socks LOL  While I was there I looked for a certain undergarment that is hard for me to find, but thanks to Beal's I found what I needed in the right color!  Now I can wear my shirt without worrying about a wardrobe malfunction!!!!!!!!  I am so happy!

I got an email from the Tampa Tribute asking about doing a story on us regarding the insurance issue.  Yeah they will be coming nest week to do it!  I'm thankful people are interested in our story still and want to help!

My laptop seems to have a broken number pad....I guess I used too many !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   LOL  I have to send it in.  So I'm using the old computer. 

Selah is doing fine today, less secretions than she was dealing with.  She seems relaxed and content today:)

Last night we had the "battle of the Ants" around here.  The ants were all in the little kids' room.  We moved everything and sprayed.  I don't let the kids eat anywhere but the kitchen so it must just be from the rain.  No one got any bites over night:)

So I found a great hotel for us for a couple of days next week.  Looking forward to the beach!  In spite of my fair skin I am a beach girl, I love the sand, the waves, the smells....I LOVE the beach!   We were able to get a great deal on a really nice hotel right on the beach!  We will be on the ground floor directly on the beach. with a sliding glass door to a small patio.  Then just a few yards to the surf.  That is my kind of hotel!  I like to be right on the water.  It's great so the little ones can be outside some and then go in for a nap.  And some of us will still be able to out on the beach. 

 

 

 

 

Yep that is what I'm talking about.....  Of course this is a trip that is not easy for me.  We have never left Selah before but  we  absolutely trust our nurses and we are only going for 2 days and are only 60 miles away.  Selah would not care at all to be taken with us.  She is very content in her home and really does not like to leave it. 

Of course there is the whole water thing for me.  Our little ones always are in a floaty device made for special needs kids and one of us holds each of them if they are in the water.  This year Shad will have to wear a life vest.  The last couple of years we haven't required him to wear one as he can swim.  But he is still not a strong swimmer and after what we've been through, he has to wear it.    Looking back to last summer when we each had a little person to watch at the beach, we let Shad have a bit too much freedom.  You can get separated quickly in the water!!!   He didn't have any problems but.....I know too much now and have heard too many other families' stories.....   Just this summer a young teen got caught in a riptide near here and drown...  I want to always take every precaution!

I hope the beach can still hold the magic it always has for me without me freaking out with the kids.  I will be taking my happy pills with me...    When Sarah had her swimming lessons, at the second one, when she was putting her face in the water, I had to leave for a little bit.  I almost had a panic attack!   But we do need some time to just chill.....  just a couple of days....then we 'll be home for Selah's birthday.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, please remember to pray for Selah...if you go to church on Sunday...maybe you could ask for special prayer for her.

Honesty

Last night I sat up reading...... "Until we all come Home" by Kim De Blecourt.     The book was about a family's struggles to adopt in Ukraine.  It was interesting to me, knowing Ukraine and all the stories I have heard.  The writer sounded like a bit of a whiner to me in the beginning, but then as the book progressed, I figured she had a right to whine LOL.  I went to Ukraine expecting the worst possible outcome and we had the best possible outcome.  We had no issues, it was like a vacation except for the food.  Obviously our hearts were broken for a lot of the things we saw but we had no issues with the government or the institution, it was like we were walking on a red carpet and doors flew open for us.  Their were hardships in some areas of our comfort, no one likes an overnight train, but all of that was to be expected.  We adopted two non related children and were home in less than 6 weeks.  That is unheard of, but it probably had a lot to do with our wonderful friend and facilator George.  All I can say is I am VERY glad I did not read this book BEFORE we went to Ukraine or I would have be much more worried!

This morning I got up early and got a beef stew going in the crock pot.  Sam and Sarah will be very happy tonight as that is their favorite meal.  I've been so focused on going through my whole house and really going through "our stuff" and culling out things.  Since the Monier family is having a yard sale, it's been a good excuse for me to clean out everything and that I have done.  I still have a box of paperwork to go through and I just bought a fire proof safe for all our really important paperwork like the adoptions of our kids, those are papers you can't just order down at the courthouse.  

I LOVE having every cabinet, closet and drawer gone through and emptied out.   I would love having a business to do this for others but I am quite brutal when I help friends out LOL  I've had a few in tears before.  I'm such a person NOT attached to STUFF that I can not understand how anyone is.....sure I keep some things, like the dresses the girls left the orphanage in, the outfits the boys came home in, Shad's Chinese clothes....but hey....that is enough already.   I'm not a communist or anything LOL but if I'm not using something, I don't feel the need to hold onto it.  There are a few things I keep that I seldom use like the beautiful Ann Taylor red wool coat I found in a thrift store in Rochester some years ago for $5!  I wear it like 2x a year but I LOVE it.  I just don't like a bunch of clutter.   It "bothers" me.

My family laughs at me when I say "that bothers me"...They KNOW what that means.....it's like fingernails on a chalk board.  If something is "bothering me" like clutter I can't be still or peaceful until it is taken care of.  I think when I had Sam and his "autistic like" behavior, I totally "got " him because I am so like him in some areas.  Things just "bother" me sometimes

Sometimes people just "bother' me....or situations....I like things "tidy" no loose ends. 

I'm one of those few  people who really am just myself all the time.  If I like you, I like you.....if I don't, you will know it and not have to wonder.  I do not play games at all and I will say to your face the very SAME thing I will say behind your back LOL.  I'm not saying I won't talk about you, but I'll say it to your face too LOL   Let's just say you do not have to wonder where you stand with me.

But you know what "bothers" me ???   Most of the world is not like that....that drives me batty-I am not PC -politically correct- in any area.  What I mean is I don't care if I'm in a group and everyone things one way IF I think another.  I don't go around trying to fight or argue, but I don't let myself be swayed.....  This can be good but it also can be bad.   Because I'm sure I'm not ALWAYS right LOL  But it does bother me when people are not honest. 

When I saw the movie "Liar Liar"  I thought I would die laughing.  I'm so much like the actor after he quits lying and HAS to tell the truth.  Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this and there are a few times I can, in a sense, put my hands over my mouth. and hold it in for civility sake but it is sooooo hard for me.   Generally this is not a good thing for a pastor's wife LOL. 

Another thing about me is people don't "awe" me in the least.....whether it is a politician, a celebrity or some big name minister, I'm just not impressed at all.  Not that I've met a ton of folks like them but let's say the ones I've met, have left me "not feeling it"  I met one guy at a function one time....I was standing where I could see up his nose and he had the BIGGEST booger in the world.  THAT was ALL I could focus on .....I won't say who it was....as he might be president one day but that was the funniest and most revealing thing to me.  It definitely  showed me we were all "just folks" didn't matter who you are, you could still have a big booger hanging out of your nose  ROFLOL 

Being a pastor's wife, I have seen so much.  IF I didn't know God for myself....His "followers" would surely turn me off.  But  hypocrisy,is not just in the Christian religion, I've seen it personally acted out in the Buddhist and Muslim religions also when the followers did not do as their religion dictated in certain areas.  I have a couple of stories...maybe one day I can tell LOL  I think hypocrisy is a HUMAN thing....

There is a funny bumper sticker I keep threatening my husband that I will buy it and it says something like "God protect me from your followers"  LOL   One of these days....I will buy it and put it on my van. 

I am so glad I know that GOD is so far above all our human frailties' and woes...  I learned that a long time ago and I know it is still true.  God is far above my frail human self.....  I think all the time I am probably one of the worst Christians.....  I am sure I do not represent Christ as I should most of the time.  I have a temper....just a little one, I'm cynical and jaded.  I'm glad God is a stronger God than I show Him to be. 

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Got a package today from one of my bestest friends, Meichelle.  She lives all the way across the country but she sent me a box NOT to be opened till the anniversary of the accident.  She knows how much I am dreading this day.  I have to say I shook the box around a bit and there sounded like some liquid in there.  I'm wondering........

 

Here is us from her recent trip to Florida

 

 

 

 

Friends are so important in life.....I'm so glad she is my forever friend

 

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Please continue to pray for Selah

 

 

Another Productive Day- Still Pray for Selah

This has been a productive week for me.  This morning I packed up and went to the library and did all the re adoption paperwork for my girls, met Jon at the prison, got him to sign some things, went to lunch with my hubby with NO kids  it was at Wendy's but hey.....then took everything to the lawyer and left it with her, I am so happy to have that done. 

This afternoon I picked up some things for the Monier family's yard sale- yes you can still be a part of that and met with our church's book keeper....  Plus got groceries and a new coffee pot- our old one had died on us as we keep it going around here LOL 

I just feel like I'm on a roll- of course the roll has kept me from my yoga and aerobic classes, but you can't have everything.  We only have one more week and then school starts and we get on a real schedule then. 

Selah has continued stable but I feel just a little off, maybe from the antibiotic?  But all and all she is good. 

We are fast approaching the anniversary of the accident.  This is something I've been dreading, right this moment I feel numb.  Next week it might be a different matter......   Since next week is the only time that worked for Jon to take a few days off, we are going to go somewhere for a few days.  I don't know how things are going to go, maybe that's why I'm manically busy right now so I don't think about things....

Please pray for Selah, I still ask God for a miracle for her.  I'm an adult, I can carry a burden, but she is just a little girl, she deserves more of life than what she has had....  Of course we take great care of her, and anticipate all her needs and keep her comfortable.  Anyone that comes and sees her can tell she is peaceful but I want her up and running and playing.....I want her to grab my legs likes she used to do, I want her to be outside on the swing set.....that's what I want..... 

It's so funny the different advices I get....some folks tell me to "just accept things and learn to be happy" some say "God will give you a miracle" ....I'm IN this situation and I'm in the middle.....I can accept things as I've learned to do.  LOL  I think ME of all people have learned how to accept adversity in my life   LOL and RME -roll my eyes-    and there is a part of me that still believes that for Selah there will be a miracle on this earth.   Some days I have both of those thoughts going through my head. 

I don't know....I STILL do not believe this is IT for my Selah.  Maybe I've seen too many Disney movies where the princess gets rescued....but Selah had had a life that you would not want to wish on your worst enemy .....then we hear about her and include her in our adoption plans....and learn to love her.....then we get her and come home with the girls and it is so magical....just unreal how sweet and easy everything was.  I felt like I was in love with two wonderful little girls and everything was so special....the days were brighter, every morning I couldn't wait to get up and get them out of bed and play with them.  It was like you feel when you have a newborn, and can't stand to leave them alone.  It was just absolutely wonderful.....then to have this awful accident, how could it be?   You couldn't write a movie, that would be any sadder....just  fourteen weeks of freedom for her....  I beg God daily to allow her to come back to us, so she can have a life free from all of this medical stuff.  Please don't give up on praying for Selah, we haven't....there are nights I get up to take care of her when we don't have a nurse and as I'm meeting her needs, I'm praying inside my heart for my beautiful little girl.  I'm half awake and I'm praying ....sometimes I'm in the grocery store and I'm praying inside my head.  I pray when I'm driving down the road....it doesn't stop....

Thank you for your prayers for her.  Don't give up.....

Quick update on Appeal

We are still in process with our appeal.  Thank you all who have called in for us.  I'm sure it helps.
I know our appeal packet was FINALLY picked up today after setting in the post office for over a week....that is a good thing.

Selah is doing fine, just a little not herself today.  She maybe getting thrush from the meds she has been on.  Otherwise she is doing ok.

We had an encouraging visit today from a friend of mine's parents.  My friend lives overseas in Dubai and her parents live in our town.  My friend sent us a gift and her  parents brought it by to us and encouraged us.  What a blessing.  Thanks Nickie!!!!!  

We have some young men who are pressure cleaning our church's sidewalks (we have quite a bit of sidewalk) and they are going to paint the sides of the sidewalks so it will help Sarah as she is using her walker more outside.  With the tiny bit of vision she has, she uses it to the fullest degree possible.  her PT thinks that Sarah might just be able to see the edges of the sidewalk and learn to keep her walker on it rather than going off in the grass.  Thanks Ramon and LJ, you guys are awesome:)

Thanks for your prayers and comments.  Please pray that the insurance situation is settled quickly and in our favor!

Coverage denied for Pasco girl in need of in-home nurse | Bay News 9

Coverage denied for Pasco girl in need of in-home nurse | Bay News 9


This is a short on line version....
We've gotten a call from a CEO's office of Blue Cross today at 4:50pm saying they were looking into and trying to understand WHY Selah's coverage was denied. She told me that it was being investigated.  Hopefully they will reverse their decision.

If you feel led to contact Blue Cross on our behalf, and leave a message, the number I was called from today is 904 905 7648  You can call back and leave a message now or reach a person there tomorrow.   Give them Selah Clanton's name and let them know you are not happy with their decision to take away her nursing care!  But please be civil to the person you speak to....thank you!

Thank you for your concern!