Picture Day & a Shad Surprise!

Just some random pictures

This is Sarah's way to tell us to PRAY with her at night!  It's so sweet.  As you can see I have her big girl bed on the floor so she can't roll off and hurt herself.

 (i had a essential oils diffuser on for her as she had a cold.)

And Daddy prays with her






"Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
The angels watch me through the night
And keep me in their blessed sight AMEN!"
then we pray for all our family by name, our nurses and Steve's friends

Sarah often lifts her hand up again and again for prayer LOL  it's so sweet



It's finally cool enough to be outside on the trampoline.  Sam likes being bounced.





Then we had Steve's 21st  Birthday party!  How is it possible that he is that old?

Jon and his brother on the patio with Vermont our cat.

Then we went to Tallahassee for a conference of Jon's.  During our time there I got to see some friends and one friend gave me this picture she had found of me taken on my 18th birthday !  LOL








This was the view from our hotel room-that's the state capital.




Shad and I took the kids for a tour of the old and new state capital.














We stopped by the governor's office:)








the view from the observation deck














We were by a Krispy Kreme









After Jon was finished with his conference we headed off to the St Mark's Lighthouse.

I loved going there as a child.  It's very much the "real Florida"


We then stopped in Perry my hometown to eat at one of it's famous restaurants.   Let me just say the grilled chicken and fried okra was amazing!!!!






On our way home we stopped at my family's grave yard.  All my folks are buried there.  It's located in Dixie County and goes back to the 1800's.  My great great grandparents are buried there.....and on down the line.  I try to stop when we are up that way and do a walk through every chance I get.  Lots of good people buried there, lots of folks that I love dearly.   It's way out in the woods in an area that used to be a small community at the turn of the 19th century.  Family members still live out there and farm.


Some scenes from our park where we go walking.

The way these trees are planted remind me of Ukraine.

Shad loves to go target practicing.  We are members of a shooting club and like the safety features of having trained supervision.

Shad is a great shot.  He has shot more different kinds of guns and rifles than I ever have!!!





Here I am- I should have taken a picture of my target-I did really good even though the target was set at 20 feet.





the road home.....

We ordered these arm guards a few months ago because Sam has a bad habit of biting his arm/hands if he is upset.  We didn't start using them then, as we were able to work with him and bring the level of self harm down.  But he's back doing it again and I thought I'd try them and he's doing really good with them.  He wears them all day long with no complaining and it keeps him from biting himself.  Sam does things in a circular way-what i mean is for example  he will bite his arms/fingers and then we are able to work with him and he'll quit or do it alot less....then something upsets him one day and he starts back and can't stop without intervention.  We are hoping this will be a way to stop him for good.  Often i can pin point what causes the behavior to start and even if that is removed or changed, then he can't stop his behavior.  He had a very hard time with a friend who came to visit more than a month ago and had not been able to calm down since.  Also Steve's birthday party didn't help.   Sam does NOT like people in HIS house!   It's funny he can go anywhere and not mind people....but let them come in his house.......   this past summer Steve had a college friend over for a day and Sam got really upset.   That's when I ordered the arm guards but he calmed down with alot of help until my friend came.....   Sam has his RULES!  And he doesn't like his rules broken.  We are working on coping skills!!!







AND THE BIG SURPRISE YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING ON......  LOOK CLOSELY.....

Shad got his new eye.  I had to tell him not to smile so you all could see it otherwise his face just crinkles up into laugh lines and you wouldn't be able to tell.  It looks fantastic and he is doing great with taking care of the shell himself.  He was fascinated by the whole process of watching it being made.  He had a really good experience and we think it will give him even more confidence (does he really need it?????)   It moves-it's something else!!!  I had no idea how real it would look.


Wow we covered alot in this blog.  Hope you enjoyed it.

Charlotte

(Sorry we can't show her beautiful sweet face but her country doesn't allow it publicly)



This is Charlotte!  I have loved her since I first heard of her when she was very small.  She lives in India in a wonderful Christian home called Sarah's Covenant House.  She is blind.  When she first came to SCH she was very sickly and malnourished. She was frightened  and very far behind developmentally.  My family began to help support her monthly.  She has thrived and progressed quickly.

Her foster mom, a young lady from Canada, loved her from the beginning ..... and now is in the process of adopting her!  I could not be happier!!!

Let me tell you something about this young lady Nikki.  She has always had a heart for orphans.  Over five years ago she wrote a blog about my Sarah urging a family to step up and adopt her!  This was before we knew about Sarah.  After we began the process to adopt her, someone forwarded me Nikki's blog and I just cried!  I cried because I was so thankful that someone had loved Sarah enough to write about her plight and to pray for her before I even knew she existed!!!.  So Nikki and I have always kept in touch since then.  I rejoiced when she moved to work in India full time and I've encouraged her ever since she thought about adopting Charlotte!

Can we help her with the adoption expenses?  I'd like to raise at least $1000.  I have $285 already in for Charlotte!  Could you give towards this beautiful little girl and her sweet mama?

There ae two ways you can be a part....
https://www.paypal.me/NCochrane  this is Nikki's paypal account.

Or you can give the old fashioned way by check and sending it to
Grace Church
7060 Berry Road 
Zephyrhills Florida
33540 

I will ensure every penny goes straight to them for adoption expenses.  You will get a invoice at the end of the year if you give through the church.  Time is of the essences as they rush along with the process.  It's been a long time in coming but now things seem to be moving quicker!

The sweetest thing is that Nikki has been with her most of her life now.  While Charlotte was in a bad situation before, she has been at SCH for three years ( I think)  and has just blossomed.  I get to see some of her videos and she is just adorable.  She sings and lifts her little hands.  She uses a cane and walks everywhere.  I believe God brought the two of them together and I love being a tiny part of helping them out!!!

Thank you for all your help in times past!!!  We've done alot together!!!!

Half of a Decade!

It's been a half of a decade now since I first saw my beautiful Sarah's picture on the internet-proof that you CAN find LOVE on the internet!!!!


This is the first picture I saw- she was already in the mental institution.






Here ae some pictures from the baby house- she was about 3 years old.  I love these pictures.

I loved her from the second I saw her picture.  The connection was so strong for me, that I really thought that I was romanticizing her adoption.  But from the moment we met, she's been my baby girl.  Not every adoption is like her's,  Shad's wasn't nor was Selah's.  That doesn't mean I didn't love them with all my heart but it was more like I "fell in love" with them gradually, finding more and more to love about them while we bonded. I've heard birth moms describe their bonding experiences with their birth children in a similar way.   Of course our Selah was an unexpected blessing- we only knew about her a few days before leaving for Ukraine.  So we were still a bit shocked about being able to adopt two little girls :)  But our relationship grew very quickly with her also.  Shad was the hardest as he was a confused & strong willed two year old!  But thankfully we bonded over food from day 1.  I was able to make him happy with food and that helped him trust me.  He was obsessed with food & he liked me because I provided what he wanted!  Hey whatever it takes!

Last night I was holding Sarah  as I watched TV.  Holding her while watching TV has been a habit since we've brought her home.  However as she gets larger, less of her fits on my lap!!!!  Soon it will just be her head LOL!  Anyhow I was thinking how amazing it is that God brought her to us.  As I think of every step that had to take place for me to even know she existed.....  I will always be grateful to Reece's Rainbow for publishing her photo-otherwise she still would be there in a mental institution in Ukraine a country involved in war......  God bless the people that got her info out!

So five years ago, a half of a decade, I was scrambling to get our paperwork in as fast as I could so we could go get our girl!!!  My heart is still grateful for all the help we had, the prayers and the gifts.  And I'm eternally grateful to God who gives such perfect gifts!  (And for giving us our other four children too!!!)

These two pictures are from yesterday morning before church.  Sam and Sarah somewhat matched-I had bought their outfits on clearance awhile ago and was so excited for them to wear the outfits LOL  It is almost impossible to get two blind kids to look at the camera at the same time.  I did my best!!!
Sarah is such a happy child, most of the time she smiles-but she seems to have a sixth sense about cameras!  She was laughing right before I tried to take the pictures and then turned glum, also I did jump up and grab the camera so she was probably mad at me for getting up.

Today she had her teeth cleaned, it's getting harder and harder to get her to cooperate.  When she was first home, I think she was scared to show her feelings....let's just say she is quite over that now!  I literally somehow pulled my shoulder out trying to hold her down.  At first I was afraid I would not be able to even drive home.  It was like having a leg cramp in my back!!!  It finally diminished enough for me to drive home.  But I still love my baby girl ( and she has cleaned teeth tonight lol)

Tomorrow she along with Sam and Selah have to get their yearly blood work.....that's going to make for a fun morning.  It seems like appointments always somehow end up back to back around here.

My heart is grateful for the people God has placed in my life.  I'm blessed by each of them and love each of their stories!

TRUMP

Earlier this month we were able to go to a Trump Rally in Lakeland. It was held at the airport and people were turned away because there just wasn't enough standing room available to be safe according to the fire marshal.  I heard quotes of 14,000-16,000.  It was overcast but hot and I got a terrible sunburn  but it was FUN!

I loved talking to folks in line and meeting new friends.  What an amazing experience.  I loved that we saw people of every race-lots of Asians, for some reason that surprised me.  There were plenty of Hispanic people.  Two ladies ahead of us in line were interviewed by the Spanish TV channel.  One of my friends was there and she is Hispanic, she was also interviewed.  Everyone was talking and laughing and helping each other while we were waiting for hours.  As you can see we were close to the front, so we had hours to wait.  In all the waiting, heat and even worse traffic when we were trying to leave, no one said a cross word.  It was just lots of fun and a spirit of cooperation.  We actually got stuck in the grass when we were leaving and some guys just jumped out and got us out.  They wouldn't take money from us, just smiled and waved:)



Hillary and me!

TRUMP!
















It was our anniversary- we had a good day together.

So I support Trump and feel he will be a good president and he will work to "make America great again"  There is so much I could say especially with the fact that the FBI has reopened the case against Hillary, along with all the info being put out by Wikileaks.  For me it is a clear choice.  But what cemented my vote was the 3rd debate where they were both asked about their stance on abortion.  Trump unashamedly stated he was pro-life.  He knew that many people would disagree with him but he had the backbone to stand up and say it clearly....  When Clinton spoke, I felt like the devil himself was speaking to be honest.  She was so proud to be pro abortion right up through the last month of pregnancy.....  Right there for me, the difference in belief was so HUGE.....    I know some folks might say that Trump used to be for abortion- so did I many years ago- he changed as I have changed.  If he has enough backbone to be as clear as he was that night, he has my vote!   9he had my vote before but his response encouraged me that I was right!)





I will not read or publish any negative remarks about Trump so don't bother

Twenty years ago

Twenty years ago today I lost twins.  Technically they died a week earlier but they were removed on this date twenty years ago....

There has been nothing up to this point in my life that shook me like their loss.  We had just had our oldest son after six years of infertility and were so happy.  I found out that i was pregnant because  of some dental work that required anesthesia and required a pregnancy test.   We were dumbfounded to say the least LOL  I had no symptoms and was already about two months along.  On my first office visit I had a sonogram and we found out we were having twins!  We were over the moon!  What's funny is when I found out about the pregnancy- in my heart I knew it was twins.  I also didn't feel that both would survive.

The pregnancy was different than our first one.  One thing that bothered me was that I didn't feel much movement.  At 19 weeks I had the AFP test (alpha-fetoprotein)  There was some slight concern that one of the babies had spina bifida.  However the doctor was reassured  us that having twins totally screwed up the test results and we shouldn't worry.  At the time we were living in NYC so I was sent to Beth-Israel for a diagnostic sonogram.  For a few days before the sonogram I hadn't felt any movement so that morning I drank some orange juice in hopes of getting them to move around.  On the way, I was concerned but honestly at that time of my life, I had never heard of anyone really having problems so I brushed the concerns away. 

When the tech started the sonogram and put it on Baby A.....I knew he was dead.  He was crumpled down and there was no movement.  I began crying and saying "he's dead"  Then she went on to Baby B and he was also dead.  She then ran out of the room to get the doctor.  I ran to the bathroom to throw up (that's what I do when i get upset)   

When the doctor came in, he confirmed that the babies were dead.  He also told us Baby A had severe spina bifida.  Baby B had no outward disabilities.  He felt that Baby A had died a few days earlier and Baby B had died more recently.  At this point I was a few days into week 21.  

To say we were devastated, is putting it mildly.  Then we had to deal with the babies being removed.  It took a week to set things up.  I wanted it done in a hospital.  At first our insurance was going to send me to an abortion clinic and I said "NO!!!!  I fought that because there was no way I was going to go somewhere and have my loved and cherished children removed in a place where women chose to end their children's lives.  

In the end I did have the "late term abortion" ( and that is exactly what the doctors called it) done in the same hospital our son Steve was born in, just one year earlier.  The only doctor who could perform this procedure was an abortionist that specialized in late term abortions.  I went into his office prepared to dislike him but we stuck up an unlikely friendship.  His office was just down from the newly built Trump Towers (in fact I don't think it was open yet)  His clients were mainly very wealthy women.  He had a team of doctors who did early abortions and while in the back rooms we could literally hear the suction machines- it was a bit overwhelming to me.  

However this man was very kind to me and compassionate regarding our loss.  As we discussed what was ahead, somehow he opened up to us and shared things about his family, things they were going through.  It was really an unusual situation.  My husband was able to minister to him and give him some advice about some situations.  Like I said it was a very unusual situation for us.  

So he started the process by inserting medicine and rods into my cervix.   That was awful.  When I stood up, I passed out.  He told us that happened often as it was such a shock to my pregnant body.  

That night I had to be alone, so I went walking.  Remember we lived in Brooklyn NY.  It was cold and windy that night.  My heart was just broken.  I walked and cried as I told the twins how much I wanted them and that I'd take them just the way they were.  Although I was afraid of what was happening in my body- carrying dead babies, I hated the thought of them being gone from me.  The memory of that night will always be with me.  It was such a personal time for me.  

The next morning I was admitted to the hospital.  My wonderful father in law had come up to stay with Steve and to help us as soon as he heard what had happened.  We actually had friends who were watching Steve for us that day so he could be with us at the hospital.  When we dropped Steve off, I remember having such a hard time saying good-bye to him.  

So I had a D&E (dilation & evacuation)  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dilation_and_evacuation  
This is basically a late term abortion.  The only difference is that our babies were already dead.  It's ironic that this is such a big issue right now in the news.  The doctor gave us alot of info about the procedure before and after it.  He said he was one of the few doctors who did these abortions.  In fact he'd never had one like mine with two dead babies and he was a bit concerned ( rightfully so as I had the worst complication from it)  He explained that because the babies were dead, there were less steps in the process for me.  I asked why an abortion like this was done since it was so dangerous and he told me that he mainly did them because the mother had learned her child had a disability from the same test I had done.... 

So in frank words-these type of abortions are mainly done because the parents learn their children have a disability.  I'm not saying this-I"m just repeating what the doctor told us.  I asked him how could he do this since he was just the nicest guy I'd ever met.  He told me he felt he was helping the moms to have a better life.  He said that was what he kept his focus on.  

So back to my procedure, I was treated so kindly by all the hospital staff and they quickly put me to sleep as I was an absolute mess.  When I woke up in recovery, I woke up crying.  I had the absolutely sweetest nurse, she was so very kind to me.  A few minutes after I woke up, I began to hemorrhage uncontrollably.  She called the trauma team into the recovery room and began a 8 hour fight for my life.  They called the doctor back to the hospital- by the time he got there, he was as white as I was!  He was scared (he admitted later he thought I would not make it) 

My nurse was a Christian (she actually went to Times Square Church which we were somewhat associated with) she went to my husband and told him to call everyone he knew to pray for me because things were not good.  He came in to see me and gave me a picture of Steve.  I showed everyone that picture and begged them to not let me die because I had a baby to take care of.  The staff (who all came to see me in the ICU) told me that they'd have to walk out and cry because they just knew I probably wasn't going to make it.   My husband told me I was a strange color and had what the old people call "death's dew" on my forehead.  

I had DIC disseminated intravascular coagulation)  From what we've been told, DIC is 99.9999% fatal.  In fact when I tell medical staff that I survived it- I've been told over and over again that I'm the first person that the person has ever met that has survived it.  I'ts the leading cause of maternal death and since my case I've know two women who have died from it.  And I know one person who also miraculously also survived it.   In order to save my life I had 19 bags of blood and bags of clotting factor.  That became another issue later......

So the staff fought for my life all that long day twenty years ago..... I prayed and prayed that I would live and not leave my family.  I'm grateful for the past twenty years!  

At times I could hear but not really see. they kept telling me to stay awake- to talk- to stay with them.   Finally they got the bleeding under control and were able to send me to ICU where I stayed for several days.  

I share all of this in honor of my twins.  That situation was just awful on all levels. But don't let anyone fool you about partial birth abortion or late term abortion.  it is NOT done to save a mother's life.  If a mother is in grave danger a C-section is done.  It takes only 30 minutes to set up for an emergency C-section.  A late term abortion is done over a period of about 24-36 hours.  The reason it takes so long is that the cervix must be slowly dilated or it will be damaged and make it impossible to carry another baby.  If there is a known problem for the mother, a c-section will be done.  In fact my doctor said later that a c-section would have been safer for me given the gestation age and the fact there were twins that had been deceased for at least a week.  Don't let anyone deceive you about late term abortions, they are done for one reason only-and that is to kill the baby for the mother's convenience.   Generally it is because an abnormality is found in the child.

After receiving so much blood I was a bit concerned.   A couple of months later, it came out that my hospital had received tainted blood from the NYC blood bank in October and November of 1996.  Of course I was just sick when i heard of patients who had Hepatitis and HIV from blood transfusions.  I thought surely with so much blood I had received, there was no way I didn't get some contaminated blood.  Thankfully I have rare blood and all the blood I received came from the NJ blood bank.  I did have to go through testing for years, because of the other blood products- that was overwhelming!   

Obviously my case was higher risk because of the fact I was carrying dead twins but it is a high risk procedure.  Please know this procedure is done daily.  Babies that are viable or near viability are killed mainly because they are disabled.  At times it is done because the mother waited too long to have a early abortion,  It's done because for whatever reason the mother does not want to deal with the child.  Are there ever cases when the mother's life is in immediate danger......NOT if they have a late term abortion.  Doctors will do an early delivery by C-section if there is an emergency situation.     Of course there are rare situations of women being diagnosised with cancer while pregnant. but that is rare and surely doesn't account for the estimated 18,000 late term abortions in the USA.  And generally those mothers opt for an early delivery in order to give the child a chance of life.  

So back to my personal story.....after the loss i went through the deepest darkest valley of my life.  It was an awful few years for me spiritually.  But I came through it with a real true faith in God.  It was so hard for me to understand WHY God let that happen to us.  I had to learn that God walks with us through trials.  He doesn't always deliver us from a situation but He does walk with us through it.  Those years were a bitter time for me.  But I learned so much through it.  Some things I learned were through knocks on the head and some things took awhile to deal with.....but I made through....

When Sam was born with all his issues and then when the accident happened with Selah, I had experience to draw from, knowing that God would not fail me or leave me.  Both times I determined that my heart would not get bitter, believe me I knew what a bitter heart could do!   Both times I literally made a confession to God that I would trust Him and not let my heart get bitter because of circumstances.  God has been faithful to walk through all of this with me.  

We had the twins cremated.  I could not stand to think of leaving them in NY since we knew we were not planning on living there all our lives.  One day about a month after their loss I was playing with Steve in our living room and a delivery man brought me a box containing their remains.  That was not how I was expecting to hold them for the first time.  I smelled smoke on the box, and that just broke my heart again.    From that day on, that box, has traveled with us and has lived in my closet.  Knowing this anniversary was coming up, I thought about getting a urn for them but could not handle going to a funeral home,  So I thought I'd just put them in a nice container I had.  So last night I opened the box for the first time.  It was hard.  So many memories came flooding back.  Twenty years have past, the address label was obviously typed by a "real" typewriter. When I finally go the boxes open, I found there were two plastic black boxes in there.  That was as far as I could go.  I've decided to paint the boxes.  I'm not a person that cries easily, but the tears were streaming down my face and my heart was beating fast while I was opening the boxes.  The only solace I have is I believe that one day I will be reunited with them in heaven.  I believe God used the situation to show His mighty hand to me.  Of course I do not believe He caused their death but He taught me His faithfulness through the situation.  God is not a genie who fixes every wrong in this world or in my individual life.  There's is nothing in scripture that teaches that God fixes every wrong.....BUT it does teach that ONE day every tear will be wiped away and every wrong will be made right.....


So what do I say to a women who has had an abortion?  Most have abortions out of fear and that is so sad.  Many have abortions because a doctor encouraged them to do it.   Most of them had little or no medical knowledge.    I've talked to dozens of women who have had abortions and all regret their actions, all of them grieve.  God forgives every sin, including abortion.

What do I say to a woman who is facing a hard situation due to different reasons?  Chose LIFE for your child.  Give the child up for adoption, many families would be willing to take your child even if it has a disability.  Turn to God and trust Him to with the situation.  God has a way of working things out.  Most larger cities have a pregnancy centers.  We have one in our small town.  We just went to the annual banquet for them and they had a mom there who shared that they've been involved with for 7 or 8 years.  They help mothers whether they keep the baby or adopt them.  They even offer counseling for women who have had abortions.

I believe pro-life all the way....I support our local crises pregnancy center, we've adopted, we've helped families, and I'd be willing to help anyone who wants to connect me at  theclanton5@aol.com
I can get you in contact with people in your area that would walk with you through your situation.  And by the way I'm against the death penalty too.

So twenty years later....I'll never forget my babies.  

Gardening Again- FINALLY!

Finally I'm getting back to gardening!  I quit before we moved from our old house, knowing we were moving soon.  Then once we moved I was too exhausted to start back!  But I'm getting back started

If you've ever seen the little video on FB saying you can regrow veggies...it's true.  I'm regrowing lettuce and celery on our front porch. They've now been planted in a container that is outside.  I still have to put together the "square box garden" to put them in.  We got a bit sidetracked by a Hurricane named Matthew  (we did fine just alot of rain)

here are some herbs and lettuce I bought and planted




And this is my welcome Fall decorations.....




And a new composter!   Some women love the mall- and it's ok sometimes - but take me to Lowes and I get happy:)

This one is better than our previous one.  it's on rollers so it's easy to roll it around every time you add new scraps.  I'm very happy with it.




So my plan for the Square Foot Garden is going to be different than before.  Instead of wood, I'm using concrete blocks



This is my idea.....we will see how it works out.  The wood would get rotten so easily because untreated wood had to be used so it'd only last a few years here in Florida.  It's much cheaper to use the blocks but we loaded up about 30 of them and my van was FILLED!  I was terrified of having a wreck I figured we'd die!  I'm looking forward to getting started if the rains would stay away.  This morning was cool and the first day we were able to turn the A/C off since about April. I'm sure it will get hot again but it was nice to have a nip in the air ( the temp was 68 LOL)

BTW I borrowed this picture from a site on SFG.  I've not started our garden yet.  This is what i hope it will look like.






I also bought way too many fruit trees and berry bushes.  Our property gets very wet- it will be challenging to find spots for all of them.  I'm hoping to get started this weekend.


There is something about getting down and getting your hands dirty working with plants that just satisfies my soul.   Maybe for it goes back to my childhood- I don't know but I love it!   And it seems that my family rubbed off on me:)  I'm a green thumb most of the time.