Day 17 HBOT- Many thoughts....

This morning I got up early and went walking, got my 2 miles in at our hospital's cardiac walk.  For years I walked 3-5 miles a day.  Then after we got home from our adoption, life was more complicated, then the accident....and my bestest walking buddy went back to work:(  So now I walk alone, although tomorrow Steve is going with me...hopefully.  One good thing is I had all my work done by noon:)

Today being 9/11 brings back so many memories....I'm sure you can remember where you were on that day...

Jon and I lived in NYC for a few years in the 90's so we have a special love for NYC.  What a sad day....  My memory was I remember I was doing client interviews at the detention center in Bartow and one of the officers told me a small plane had flown into the Twin towers. Having lived in NY for years, I have a special love for it. As I got in my car I called Jon who had not left for work yet. He turned on the tv....as the second plane flew into the other building... I got back to my office and told everyone, we turned on the tv in the "lunch room" We only had it on for a few minutes when the first tower fell. I remember praying for the people I knew were dying as we helplessly watched...then the other tower went down....the pentagon...Flight 92 in Penn.....what a sad day. Even though I had just become a supervisor, I told my boss I was "out of there!" all I could think of my Steve who was in kindergarten! I went and got him out of school and took him home, planted him down with a Scooby Doo DVd and watched tv coverage for hours.  We went to church that night and prayed....

So 12 years later, the war on terrorism  still goes on.  America is now possibility at the beginning of another war, this time with Syria.  If you wonder where I stand, so do I!  A part of me says go blow them up, another part of me says it will do no good....   I do wish we had a strong president and not such a weak one for this moment in time.  Since WWII it seems that America has not wanted to go in and WIN a war.  I regret the loss of any human life but I am very thankful that we bombed and fought across Europe to win against Hitler and I am not ashamed to say I am thankful that we dropped the atomic bombs on Japan and ended the war on that front also.  Since then it seems we do not want to fight HARD like that.  In Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan... we've gone in gently and not taken care of business, they've been "restrained wars" ....  I'm sure we'd do the same in Syria, since the John Kerry said it would be "an unbelievable small attack"...that is unbelievable that it was said....  sometimes it is better to just "take care of business" and then be done with it. 

So that's my foreign policy...aren't you glad I'm not Prez!
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Now the whole "rehoming" "adoption disruption"

Whew, what a can of worms!  In the adoption world, you hear little things here and there.  I was once approached by someone who wanted us to go to another country and adopt a child for them.  They had too many children to be approved for this particular country...  I said "NO"   I would never do something like that.  Now that is not even the same as rehoming or disruption but the lady suggested we  do it like that.  Too weird for me! 


Now I admit sometimes adoption is hard.  When we adopted Shad we expected a child like Sam.  Shad was said to be blind and mentally delayed...he was NOT!  He was blind in one eye and a 2 year old genius.  He was very strong willed.  He did seem glad to be with me and seemed to bond pretty good but he was so different than the child we were expecting.  He was a totally normal 2 yr old.   There were days when I wondered if we'd made a mistake adopting him in the first few months.  We loved him and enjoyed him, but he was a handful.  He would have temper tantrums where he'd throw himself on the floor, any floor and bang his head and yell.   If you know me.....I don't do temper tantrums.....  Steve and Sam were easy going kids, I'd never even seen a real temper tantrum like that....  Let's just say within 3 months those temper tantrums were gone.  It took a lot of work, a lot of consistency and love.  It was not easy but we worked through it.  I can understand how someone can feel like they can't handle a child.  I certainty had some thoughts along those lines myself!!!  BUT a child is not a dog you can return to the animal shelter because they pee'd on you couch!  

So disruption of an adoption means at some point before or after the adoption takes place, the family backs out.  Sometimes it takes place early on, some parents meet the child (international) and realize they can not adopt the child for various reasons.  In China you have 24 hours with the child before everything is finalized.  In Ukraine, you have to make a decision when you first meet the child about whether you want to go to court for the child.  I think I've heard of families backing out even after court, one family even after the child was out of the orphanage and with them:(   With an American adoption, usually through foster care, you have a longer window of time to back out legally.

I've heard about families who disrupted their adoption right after coming home.   I've not known anyone personally, and I don't think it happens much but you do hear things hear and there in the adoption community. 

This is another thing I'm conflicted about.....I think alot of it is foolishness!   Perhaps the family got caught up in the idea of "save the orphan" and I also think society is such a throw away society, that just like people get divorced for silly reasons and lack of commitment, people are also not committed to their children.  That makes me mad!

On the other hand, if a family doesn't bond to their adopted child, maybe the child is better off in another home! 

So I guess I'm not opposed to adoption disruptions but they should be governed and done LEGALLY with background checks etc.... 

The "rehoming" smacks of things happening under the table in my opinion.   That is dangerous to children!!! 

I do not know of anyone personally that has been involved with anything like this.  I do know it can be done legally, and have a social worker, lawyer and the court involved.  If something like this needs to happen, that should be how it is done.  There should be laws in place to protect children from any harm. 

So for the record, we understood with Shad that he was learning/adjusting to living in a family.  We talked with our social worker and our agency and got some great tips.  We worked through the worst of things within three months.  We adore Shad and he loves us.  We laugh about those days now and he thinks it is funny!

With Sarah and Selah, it was a dream, so easy, they just fit in like they should have been with us always.  I do think the 6 weeks we spent in Ukraine visiting them almost every day made thing easier for them and us.  We had over a month to get to know each other.  That was hard, it was inconvenient but I think it was really much better for the whole bonding time than China was.   With China I walked in, was handed Shad and was out the door in an hour with a new child....YIKES!   With the girls, we earned their trust.  When we left with them, even tho we got on a train and did an all night ride...it was easy, no crying, no screaming.  They knew us and we knew them.  They at least liked us and we LOVED them!  I could just cry thinking of the sweetness of that day....  Just wish I could go back to that day...

With Selah and Sarah, we were prepared and really didn't have any issues once we were home.  When we first met Selah, some of her odd behaviors worried us but she worked out of them, so quickly.  They were just institutional behaviors.  But once she began trusting us, we saw a change even before she left the institution. 


But what if a family has problems?  First I'd say contact your social worker and agency!  Try and get some pointers, take the child to your pediatrician and see if you can get referrals to counseling.  Do EVERYTHING you can not to hurt the child emotionally.  That child has been through so much.  Don't add more rejection to their lives!!!  And PRAY that God will help you.  Do everything legally if you do have to disrupt but do everything in your power NOT to do that!!!   I don't like that anything like this ever happens...it is very sad!  I have not seen the reports on NBC but I have seen them on the internet.  Some in the adoption world feel like NBC is just trying to make a sensational story...I feel like if it is happening and there is proof, then put it out there for others to know and hopefully it will protect some child! 

So those are my deep thoughts for today....sorry!  I got up too early this morning and have been rolling all day. 

Please keep praying for our sweet Selah, who is as much mine as any biological child could ever be.... I hope she always knows how loved and cherished she is!  All five of my kids are the absolutely BEST thing that ever happened to me!  I feel that so deeply in my heart.  They've blessed and enriched my life, so I've cried some tears and walked through some valleys with them and for them but that just makes them that much dearer and sweeter to my heart.