The perfect child-Steve

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It was 14 years ago today that I found out I was pregnant with Steve

We were living in New York and came down in January '95 to visit our family and go to some revival services. I was prayed for at those services at Carpenter's Home Church to have a baby.

Although we wanted a child, it was more like we kinda wanted a child. We really couldn't imagine having a child. Neither of us were that crazy about other people's kids. But what the heck everyone else was doing it so why not us?

Anyhow by the time we got back to NYC, I was already having morning sickness. Forget that, it was all day and night sickness! By March I was so sick I was sure I'd contacted some horrible illness maybe AIDS from one of the students. Someone suggested I was pregnant but we really didn't take it seriously. Finally I told Jon I had to find out what was wrong with me. We decided to rule out pregnancy by going to a Christan pregnancy center for a testing. Much to my amazement it came up positive. It was a small building and I screamed down the hallway "Jon I'm pregnant!" I actually started hyperventalating I got so excited. The whole office was laughing at us. We were so excited.

Well the excitement lasted for a few days but the realities of pregnancy soon came back. I lost 20 pounds and a tooth during the pregnancy. I threw up daily 5 or more times a day. It was a tough time. Even my old Jewish doctor felt sorry for me but refused to give me anything for the nausea.

I had 9 sonograms, every time the tech would say "I think it's a girl" Well on the 9th sonogram, a new tech said "Look there's his scrutum" I began telling her "No it's a girl". She told me if it was a girl she had a problem:) That sonogram was on our anniversary and only 2 weeks before he was born. I had a bunch of baby clothes to return.

During the pregnancy I was monitored closely because of all the problems I was having. I had to have fetal monitoring 4 out of the 5 workdays. So I was almost daily taking the subway from Brooklyn to Manhattan. My father in law came to visit in October so he could spend some time with us before the baby came. Our baby had different ideas. During a routine doctor visit, something was going wrong. The baby's heartbeat was declining to the point it could not be picked up. I was taken from the monitoring floor of St Luke's Roosevelt hospital to the Labor and Delivery floor in just minutes. Jon and his dad were somewhere in NYC sight seeing as I was being prepped for a c-section. (remember these were the days before cell phones) Thankfully the baby stabilized and a few hours later, I was able to get ahold of Jon and he came to the hospital. That was Wednesday. The staff slowly induced me and I woke up Friday morning in agony. It was a hard but short labor. He was upside down in a position called "sunny side up" It was rough. When the baby was finally delivered, I weakly asked "what is it" I still thought the tech was wrong. The doctor said "it's a boy". My heart sunk because I thought I realy wanted a girl but then I was handed this little bloody screaming boy, and I definetly became a believer of love at first sight. In my head I have a vivid picture of that moment and it was like pixie dust was sprinkled on us. I had never experienced such an emotion in my life.

Steve was a very easy baby. He became the joy of our life. He slept through the night his first night home from the hospital , never had the terrible twos and has always been a happy easy boy. He's now a teenager and we are all three so close. He's very open with us about things and he is just a joy to have. God couldn't have given us a more delightful son. Steve introduced us slowly to parnethood. He didn't give us too many surprises, thank goodness! sam on the other hand kicked our butts!

Marriage - first few years

I don't know what happened with the pictures, sorry.

The picture of me and Jon together was taken on Liberty Island, after visiting the Statue of Liberty. It is one of my favorite pictures of us ever!

The one by myself is taken at the top of the World Trade Tower. All my pictures from the WTC are very meaningful to me. When I flew into Newark on my way to China, the view out of my window took my breath away. Where those beautiful towers stood now just a hole in the ground...

The last picture is the main office of Teen Challenge. The older building to the right is where we lived. It was nice on the inside.

Ok back to the theme of marriage....

So Jon and I eloped. The pictures I posted yesterday of those incredibly thin people was from a small ceremony we did at Jon's parents' home so the family could be included.

Our first few years were good. Jon went back and finished SEC. I took a job as a juvenile probation officer with a contracted company, BAYS (Bay Area Youth Services). It was a great place to work right out of college. At that time, the director was a Christian and everyone in the office was SEC grads (except for an office worker who was a Jehovah Witness-that was an interesting combo!) We were all friends and had a good time working together. There wasn't alot of paperwork in those days. My starting salary was $14,700. I was so happy to be making the big bucks!

Jon's parents bought us a little trailer in an adult trailer park as a wedding present. Somehow my father in law talked the owner of the park into letting us live there. She figured with us being bible school students we wouldn't cause too much trouble and we didn't! The trailer was a one bedroom and the smallest non RV trailer I have ever seen. All the appliances were either pink or avocado green. I hate pink anything to this day!

In 1992 we got appointed as Assembly of God home missionaries to New York City. That was our goal and we were thrilled. In the A/G, missionaries have to itinerant. That means they travel from church to church raising their budget. I hated being in a different church each service but Jon loved it. We finally moved to NYC early in '94. We lived at Brooklyn Teen Challenge where we worked. We had a dual appointment we also were helping to plant a Decade of Harvest church, City Church, which was meeting at the Teen Challenge Center.

Working in ministry in NYC was a ying/yang experience. There were things we loved and things we hated. I love NYC, the people the subways, the beat of the city. There is no place on earth like it! I had mixed feelings about Teen Challenge. I loved the students and could connect with them. I never fit in with the most of the staff. That was a new experience for me. Everyone usually loves me :) I didn't really enjoy working day to day with the students because as staff you were encouraged to be rather heavy handed with them over little things. It was very militaristic with no room for individual thought. I personally did not see that benefiting the students in the long run as they had to learn to make decisions for themselves in the future. The women had alot of emotional scars and were encouraged to let it all hang out. There was alot of weeping and wailing and I just do NOT do good with emotion like that. That's not how I handle things by rehashing the past and I don't think it's healthy. Heck I've not had that easy of a life but I don't cry about things every time I turn around..."Let it go!" is my motto. I think the women's program was handled much differently than the men's program. Jon was happy and somewhat fulfilled between the two ministries. It was not at all what we expected and we did not feel we were used to our full potential. I began doing more office work and helping to schedule services for the Teen Challenge choir. I was happier doing that than working in the program where I didn't feel comfortable with some things.

However during that time, the unbelievable happened! After 6 years of marriage and basically trying to have a baby most of that time, I got pregnant out of the blue!!!! Thus began the most fulfilling role of my life!

Just to let you know my crazy dog is still barking furiously at every car. We got up with her 3x last night but to no avail. Just when we'd get back to sleep, she'd start barking and running up and down the fence line at every vehicle that came by. By this morning she had almost lost her voice. But we were outside today working and she calmed down some and now she's having no problems with her bark! I'm calling a vet friend on Monday if she keeps this up to see if he'll put her on psychotropic meds!!

Tomorrow- all about the perfect child!

Friday the 13th and dogs

Well it's Friday the 13th...SCARY!

My crazy possum chasing dog has finally lost her mind.

Her name is Happy. She is a 1 year black Lab that someone generously left at the front of the church back in early February. She's going to be a big girl, she's already about 50 pounds. Being a young dog, she is much more active than our dear Brownie (a chocolate Lab) someone so generously put in our yard February '08. (Do you see a pattern in the month of February? Next year, I'm going to be sitting outside with a shot gun!)

Our yard is totally fenced in but Jon was pulling Sam in his wagon today and had let both of the dogs come with him. It was about 5 pm so I warned him there was too much traffic for them to be out. At that moment Happy started chasing one of the cats, Smokey, across the street. There was a truck coming and nothing we could do. I screamed and ran towards the road...the cat made it across safely but the truck hit Happy. Thankfully the truck hit the brakes hard. Happy got thrown up in the air and she went to running back to me as fast as she could, barking furiously. We checked her out and she is fine, she's eating and playing. The only after effect is that she seems to have PTSD! Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is barking furiously at every vehicle that comes down the street! What are we going to do? There is no calming her down at this point. We are envisioning a sleepless night!

Here is our pet list...

DOGS

Sweety (inside corgi)

Brownie

Happy

CATS

Buddy (our inside cat)

Joey

Ralph

Bert

Baby Bubba (named in honor of our old Bubba)

Big Tom

Scaredy Cat

Oreo

Tabby

Tiger

Dusty

Bob (really Bobbie a midget cat with no tail)

Squeaker

Smokey

Assorted others who come to eat now and then.

We've had 4 cats die this year. We've lived here for 3 years and not one had been hurt before. Two got ran over,, one was an unkown death and one old guy we had to have put to sleep. It's been sad for the kids (and me too). Even Jon cried fora couple of them.

The cats came with the church. I've worked on getting everyone fixed. Big Tom and Scaredy Cat somehow know when I'm getting ready to take a cat to the snip snip clinic and we don't see them for a couple of days. I've never seen anything like it. It's like they can understand English! They happen to be the proud parents of the yearly kitten litter! I get everyone there shots each year, it's quite a production to say the least. This year thanks to a grant, at PetLuv I got all my animals taken care of for free! That was great since even at a low cost clinic it gets expensive.

So as I'm typing this, the dog is going crazy, I don't know maybe she hit her head...

Tomorrow I'll share some more thoughts on marriage if we get any sleep tonight.

Marriage

Jon and I re met (there's that word I created) in a very unique way. I had broken off a long term relationship and although I had already graduated, I decided to return to SEC to get an education degree. It could be done in 2 semesters so I thought that was a good thing for me to do. On the job board at SEC was an ad for an assistant director of a homeless shelter. Man that was right up my alley. You mean people actually got paid to work with the homeless! I called the number listed and talked to a real nice lady who I assumed was the director's wife. She tried to talk me out of applying and told me it was no place for a woman. I assured her I was used to working with the homeless and thought it would be a fine job. She then proceeded to try and set me up with her son who was actually the director of the shelter. She gave me his background and told me all about him. I thought what a weird guy still living at home. (I didn't know his dad had recently had surgery and his younger brother was going through a hard time so his mom had really wanted him to move home during that time).

I then called Jon at the shelter and told him "I'm the one for the job" (I still get kidded about that statement) Jon didn't seem to impress by my declaration but did give me an interview. What an interview that was, 2 hours and I'm not sure we discussed the Talbot House much! We remembered each other from the class a few years back. He told me the board would have the final interview and say in the matter. So as I was leaving I told him we should get together for coffee sometime since we had so much in common. He leaned up against my old brown bomb and said " How about Friday night at Olive Garden?" WOOHOO..... That was September 13

The board did hire me and Jon was my boss for a short while. We worked together and dated as much as we could. Within 2 weeks we were talking marriage. Some people thought we had lost our minds. All I remember was I had no fear or reservations about the relationship. Jon was the kindest man I'd ever met. I saw how he handled difficult people on a daily basis with respect. He treated the homeless just as if they were businessmen wearing $1000 suits, instead of bums wearing the latest outfit from he Salvation Army.

One of his friends talked to him about the suddenness of our relationship and tried to talk him out of getting serious so soon with me. So he and I met and talked it out one morning. I told him I didn't care when we got married...next year , Christmas break or today...Well he though today sounded good to him! I thought he was really just kidding. So I said let's go to lunch. We ate at the old Ryans' on US 98 South. After we ate he continued to say what a good idea it was to get married TODAY. So off to find a payphone and call the courthouse to see how to go about it. We found out that in Florida at that time, a couple could apply for a license and get married on the same day. He went to his house and got a suit and I went to SEC and changed and off to Bartow we went. At that point I think we were thinking we'd just get the license and then get a minister friend to marry us. Well once we were there, he decided we should get married in the new little wedding chapel in the courthouse. So we did with a justice of the peace named Molly doing the honors. That was October 12, 1989! One day short of one month of dating!!

When we left the courthouse I remember thinking "What have I done?" But I wasn't really afraid just freaked out! He actually had to go to the homeless shelter and work for a while. So I packed and then that night we went to Clearwater for a day honeymoon.

While I don't recommend such a short dating period, it certainly has worked for us. This October will be our 20 year anniversary. Several of the people that were so concerned about us getting married so soon have since divorced themselves. I think that just shows that commitment is what matters in a relationship. Jon and I have gone through some storms in our marriage. There was a time I thought we would probably divorce each other but we made it through. I'm so glad we did. I'll discuss some more in another post.

A few months after we were married, I took Jon up to meet my aunt and grandmother. While we were in Perry, I went through some old journals I had saved for years. In one on December 7, 1983, I wrote a prayer to God for my husband -to -be. It was a freezing cold day and due to our water pipes being frozen, we didn't go to church that morning, a very rare occasion. So I spent the time joureling. I wrote and asked God to save my husband -to -be and call him into the ministry.

Well for some time in 1984, Jon had been searching. He'd been raised in a Methodist church and had a reverence for God but not a real relationship. He saw a news article in the Lakeland Ledger about old First Assembly on Main Street that Karl Strafer pastored at the time. The article caught his attention so he decided to go that Sunday December 7, 1983. He was challenged in that service and gave his heart to the Lord.

Now you can call that a coincidence but we saw God's hand in that situation! It shook us up in a good way and showed us although we had no big sign that we were to marry each other prior to our marriage, we certainly had confirmation after our marriage!!!! To us it was an amazing sign that we were in God's will for our lives. What are the chances of my prayer being written at the very same time that Jon is in a service being challenge for the first time in his life to begin a relationship with God? Pretty neat huh?

The pictures are from about a month after we got married and we had a ceremony including his family at his parents house. Were we skinny or what?? Steve looked at these pictures and asked who those people were! I don't know why these pictures are saving so small. They are scans from old pictures but if you clink on them you can enlarge them.

See ya soon

Glory Days at Southeastern College

The last post was very depressing but it's my life story so just be glad you did have to live it:)

Now on to Southeastern College...

Going to SEC was the best decision of my life up to that point. I always think about how the decisions made when a person is a teenager and early 20's really shape the rest of their lives. Who has the sense to make good decisions at that point in there lives? It's scary!

I started SEC on August 24, 1984. Believe me I know the day, I had been counting down the days on a calendar and was thrilled to get there. The first person I met went on to become a life long friend. Kim and I met in the bathroom, both of us primping in front of the mirror getting ready to go to the cafeteria. We often laugh at that auspicious meeting but we clicked as only special friends can. We left together that afternoon and somewhere on the way picked up Todd. That was the beginning of the best group of friends that SEC has ever known. The group went on to include my roommate Jan, Todd's roommate Stephen, and Kim's roommate Mary Beth. There were others who joined our group especially from the guys' hall in Bauer called "The Ghetto" and our corresponding girls' hall in Bethany called "The Ghettoette's" but the core was us six. We are still in contact with each other although I only see Kim on a regular basis as everyone else lives out of state.

My Freshmen and Sophomore years were magical to me. When I think of that time, I think of laughter and spreading my wings. SEC in those days kept a pretty tight rein on the students so my wings didn't spread too far. The craziest think I remember doing was me and 2 others who shall remain nameless went over to the USF campus in Tampa to a Christian night club. It was a forbidden thing to do. All we saw was a bunch of people dancing to the latest Petra music with some disco lights. We had a blast! However on the way home one of my friends lead us in a prayer of repentance He was the one dancing the hardest in the club :)

My pet name was Cabbage Patch-this was the 80's remember. I still have friends that call me that. Kim and I were recently laughing and talking about old times and we realized we were the "in crowd" at SEC. Then we really started laughing! I admit I was a "social butterfly" My roommate Jan and I used to see who could go on the most dates in a semester. I think I hold the record. However we had to define "date". Was it a date if you just walked Lake Hollingsworth or did he have to hold your hand and take you to TCBY? I won't tell you what the record is that I hold but it's in the double digits. But what's so neat is that it was all so innocent.

After our first couple of years everyone had to get more focused on what was going on personally. I got extremely involved in the outreach ministries of SEC. In my Jr year, I helped to led a street outreach to OBT Orange Blossom Trail in Orlando. It's an area where there is alot of homeless and prostitution. I did a summer internship in Brooklyn New York inner city and decided that was where I was headed.

I worked many different jobs while at SEC, both on campus and off. I was a janitor, cafeteria worker, teacher assistant, a temp for the post office, a clerk at Kmart...those are just a few. It was a good experience for me, I certainly knew I was going to finish college so I didn't have to work so many hard jobs.

I made so many good friends at SEC that I remain friends with to this day. Some I may not see very often but when I do see them, it's like the years melt away. Although it is a bit disconcerting to run into someone and they are now middle aged! I'm on facebook and I have to admit there are times when I do a double take at some pictures. We're middle aged. It really hits when when we are on campus. Jon and I say how young the students look and they seem so much cooler than we were. Everyone walks around with their cell phones, Ipods, laptops..all we had were pay phones, stereos and what was a computer? Anyhow I love you Southeastern friends!

I met Jon at SEC sorta. He was in my Urban Context for Ministry class. It was an all male class except for me (that was the good thing about being a Bible major I had a class full of guys!) I remember him because I didn't know him and I knew ALL the other guys in the class. Jon sat in the front row on the right side by the window. He stood out to me because I knew everyone else. He says he tried to talk to me once and I snubbed him, The truth is I knew he didn't live on campus (or I would have known him)and back in those days if you didn't live on campus, it meant only one thing, you were MARRIED. Well I wasn't interested in talking to some old married man when there were some many other fish in the class! Anyhow he says he had a crush on me but just never had the courage to really try to get to know me. He can even describe some of my clothes that I wore including a cute denim jacket that I wore alot that year with pins on it (remember the 80's) So he loved me from afar...(he lived off campus because his family lived in Lakeland off of the famous Lake Hollingsworth and he had a mama and a maid that took care of everything so he had no desire to live on campus!)

About that time, I began dating someone exclusively. It was a bad relationship that lasted 2 years. I wanted love and a family but only got heartache in an abusive relationship. I finally had the sense to call it off after I graduated. That relationship is my biggest regret of my SEC years. But even in that I learned many things and I learned what I was looking for in a mate. Which did me well because soon after, I "re met" (I think I just made up a new word) and the rest is history! More in the next post about my love!

Where I came from...

ok I didn't come from Mars!
I grew up in a small town, Perry Florida. It's in the "Big Bend" area of North Florida. It was and still is quite isolated being 50 miles from Tallahassee and at least 25 miles from the nearest small town. I was actually born in Tallahassee almost on US 19 if the story is true. I was born into a very dysfunctional situation. My parents were in the process of separating/divorcing and I was the youngest of four "stair steps" My truck driving father also had several children from a previous marriage or relationship that lived in the "home" It was a very poor situation for a newborn to be in. My grandmother lived next door and she was probably a factor in the chaos that surrounded us. I was a sickly child which didn't help the situation much. At some point my mom began waitressing at the Walker Truck Stop where several of my female relatives worked. She let my great aunt Boots (that would be my grandmother's sister) start keeping me pretty much full time soon after I was born. Boot Mama (that is what I called her) was already 66 when she took me to raise. She was born in September of 1899.

I only have one memory of my father and it was when I was about 2 or so. My mother was living in a small trailer. I'm not sure if he was still living there or not. But she was sick and Boot Mama took her some food. He came into the trailer and had an argument with my mother. Looking back he was probably drunk. He pushed my sister Laura down and slammed out the door. Not a real Hallmark moment. When I was in college I had some weird thought to get in touch with him. He only lived in south Georgia. I actually sent him some pictures and a letter but never heard back from him. About 10 years ago I got a phone call from a lady who introduced herself as a younger half sister. She explained to me that "our father" had died from colon cancer and cirrus of the liver. She was contacting me to get me to sign over my right of any "inheritance". He had an old truck and a trailer. I told her she could definitely have my part! She then went on to tell me about him and the family in Georgia. Needless to say it was the typical poor rural Southerner lifestyle that can easily go on Jerry Springer. I have never heard from any of them again.

My mother soon left Perry herself taking with her my 2 brothers and 1 sister. She lived up and down the East coast, concentrating on cities where there were naval bases. I saw her about 4 times in my growing up years. Each time she was "married" to a different man. My poor siblings had a rough life. My mother is still alive and in poor health. Although she is only in her mid 60's she is on various meds and wheelchair bound. She lived a rough life and it shows. I have not seen her in about 20 years nor do I have the desire to do so. She wants to see my kids but I gave my oldest son the option and he did not want to meet her. She still lives in chaos and problems. When I do talk to her it's what I call a "Jerry Springer phone call". It is overwhelming to me.

My siblings have each had quite a bit of difficulty in their lives and I hold our parents responsible. I'm not going to share about them out of respect to what all they have gone through. I really don't have much of a relationship with them but do enjoy talking to them on the phone occasionally. One of my brothers hasn't been heard from in years by anyone and I just hope he is ok. Maybe life just got too much for him.

So I grew up with my great aunt and her husband who I called Poppie. Her sister Ruby also lived with us. We had an old wooden frame house on the poorer side of town. Although back then most of Perry was poor. My aunts took me every service to the Church of God right down the street from our house. Back then it was a large interesting congregation and very Pentecostal. I'll have to share some funny stories about it some time.

We had quite a bit of land which was farmed and had chickens, pigs, cats, doge, ducks, rabbits etc. When I was only 2 Poppie died and my Uncle Mack (my great aunts brother) moved in with us soon after. I always adored my Uncle Mack, he was a father figure to me. Until I was 12 I was pretty happy. There were the animals, the farm, the huge grapevine that my uncle put a swing under for me so I could play and read on it. School was ok, I was in gifted classes always and found school work easy. I did get picked on quite a bit especially the older I got, wearing coke bottled glasses didn't help. I didn't really miss having parents. I felt loved.

Then my uncle got lung cancer and died in the summer of 1976. It was traumatic for me. Soon after my Boot Mama began a decline in her health. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's when I was in Jr. High. She died when I was a senior in high school. During my teenage years, I was unhappy. It was a rough time to say the least. Probably the only thing that kept me out of major trouble was the Lord!! My aunt Ruby had no desire to be the primary caretaker of an Alzheimer's patient and a teenage girl at the same time. She was a difficult person, with some mental issues. There were people in my life that helped to guide me. My best friend's mom Mrs. Harris was a rock as well as some pastors and their families.

Well I was sure not planning to remain in Perry and really felt God calling me to Bible College. I found out about Southeasten through a pastor's wife and really felt God was leading me there. I actually have a frozen picture in my mind of going to the mail box and getting out Southeasten's catalogue and feeling God speak to my heart saying to go there. I didn't even know where Lakeland Florida was! My family was not at all thrilled with the idea and fought me all the way. SEC is an Assembly of God college and that was a big factor against it in their minds. I was determined and did everything to make it happen, including picking peaches in Madison Florida with migrant workers to raise the money. No one helped me with the expenses but it was a good character building time. I look back on that time with fondness At the time it was rough but it really did build in me a self reliance and a reliance on God.

So I came to good old Southeatern fall of 1984. I always say SEC was my salvation in many ways. In my next post I will share about my years at SEC. However the content might not be suitable for young readers...just kidding! It was a blast!

Yvonne's Yarns-Of Possums and Dogs

I asked my brother in law Jim for a catchy title for my blog and he came up with "Yvonne's Yarns'. Well this story I'm about to tell you is the God's honest truth with no embellishments!

As I told you, my husband pastors a rural church. We live next door to the church in a parsonage. It's convenient with the children, especially Sam who is quite sure the service is over after the music stops. Anyhow, a few Wednesday nights ago, I took him home early. I heard one of our dogs barking in the backyard and a whole lot of hissing and spitting going on. I though our younger dog was bothering one of many cats we feed, so I rushed out to protect it. The backdoor opens out and the dog had the "cat" pinned against the wall. I went out the backdoor and came face to face with a very mad hissing possum! I'm not sure who was more surprised. I began yelling and jumped back inside. (I was quite worried about what I yelled...not quite sure what I said but it wasn't "praise the Lord"!) Well the ruckus continued...This is not something I learned to deal with at Bible College. There is no class on how to maintain order between your dog and a possibly rabid possum during a church service!! I thought possums were supposed to play dead! I went and got a guy from our church that made the mistake that night of sitting on the back pew. He came out and was trying to help and suggested I get my gun and shot the thing. Well I was pretty sure that that might just disrupt the service just a little bit. We finally got the crazy thing to run off and the dog to quiet down. (don't worry the dog has had his rabies shots!)

Then a few nights ago, Steve our oldest, came running out of his room yelling that there was a porcupine outside his window. I've lived in Florida most of my life and am pretty sure that there are no porcupines here. So we all go running out to investigate and there was the crazy possum again, this time fluffed up like a cat. The dog was messing with it and it was spitting and hissing. We got the dog's attention for a minute and the possum ran off, so did the dog. In a minute, it came back with a very dead looking possum that she wanted to drop at my feet. Needless to say, I did not want the possum dropped at my feet! Don't worry as soon as we got the dog in the house, the possum came back to life and ran up a tree. See my life is never dull!!!!