So me and one of my BFFs have a Tuesday Tradition going on while the kids have their appointments.... Lunch at the "new" (to us anyhow) Mexican restaurant
Today we had Parker & Shad with us
they had a blast!
Then we got home in time for therapy
Sam doesn't get as much therapy as the girls and he gets jealous! He came in so he could work with Ms Chris
Look at my girl go! she is really getting the hang of the walker. I'm so proud of her, see the determined look on her face?
Sam on the whale:)
This was a busy day for me, lots of running around, errands for the church and grocery shopping. Sam is addicted to Grits BUT they have to be Quaker Oats Cheese grits, not the kind that has different flavors of cheese, just the plain cheese ones. I found a bunch of them at the store and bought all 12 boxes!!! LOL I can not find them sometimes and he gets very mad if he doesn't have them in the morning. I feel like I scored BIG!
Please pray for Shad, he is having his surgery/circumcision in the morning in Tampa. He is not anxious at all, he scored big with two video games and he is all into them. He is telling everyone what is going to happen to him, "there is no shame in his game" LOL Poor baby! I am very anxious, I'm afraid he will be really uncomfortable afterwards. In the long run, I'm sure this is the best for him. I just wished we had done it when we first adopted him and he was so young.
Selah is doing good but had an "almost" storm today after her therapy. I was holding her and I felt her start shaking. She had been crying some which I hate/love....I hate that she is upset but I love that she can show that emotion. I thought she'd calm down if I held her but that upset her more. Thankfully she calmed down without extra medication. She was due her afternoon meds but then was fine.
You know I was walking around Walmart tonight, getting our groceries and things and just praying so hard in my mind that God would bring Selah back to us. Last night I dreamed she came back....it was such a wonderful dream. In it she was reaching out for me and smiling. Oh God, then I woke up and reality hit me right in the stomach. I hope I never have another dream like that again UNLESS it means that God is telling me to hold on, that He will heal her. So tonight in the store, I was thinking "I bet I'm the only one in here in this kind of nightmare"
If you saw me, I don't look like someone whose heart is breaking. I can talk, carry on conversations, smile, laugh....but there are very few minutes when I'm not thinking about Selah. I do my best not to cry in front of others, I try and do that alone. Not even in front of my family if I can help it. We are all sad. What good would it do to cry & carry on? I admit, I hide my feelings from Jon a lot, he carries so much on him, I don't want him to feel worse. We all get through each day the best we can. As far as I can tell, my kids are handling things well. Sometimes Steve or Shad will talk to me about things. I listen, I try and not make it worse by bursting out in tears like I want to. There are times, of course, when the tears come but I try to be matter of fact with the boys, especially about questions they have.....
But things are so hard.....it's right there, right under the surface. Just talk to me a few minutes and you'll know...I cry in crazy places sometimes....I have learned how to stop the tears before they become an overwhelming flood, thank God. For the longest time, I had no control.
UGH!!! I just want our lives back!!!!!!
Please keep praying for Selah. We may not seem to be in "crises mode" but we are..... We will be until or unless Selah is healed.... I told a friend today, I can't imagine living like this for the next 5 years.... I want her to get better so bad! I can trust God....but that doesn't change the fact I WANT MY SELAH BACK!!!!!! Nothing will ever stop me from wanting her to be back to her normal. Her normal was not a normal 8 year old girl, but we picked her, we loved her and we went and got her, just the way she was.....I miss that funny little girl. It breaks my heart to see her have a storm.... You have no idea, what it is like unless you've lived this. It's just awful for us. Thank God she seldom gets upset, we have the 24 hour nursing that is GOOD nursing, she has therapy daily, and most of the time she really seems to enjoy the therapy. We do everything we can to make her happy and content. That's our number one goal! I am thankful that we can give her all the comfort that we can, buy her all the equipment she has, everything to make things easy for her..... But it hurts .....
Thank you for your prayers.......
Also please pray for Teresa's family....the adoption world, and it seems the whole world is so sad that Teresa passed away.....
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I will have our new child's info tomorrow for us to focus on. She is a special little girl that will be going to a wonderful family.
Love those pics! Go, Sarah, Go! Love seeing her walk! I'm definitely praying for Shad this morning. I pray that he does well and recovers as comfortably as possible.
ReplyDeleteI think we'd be surprised what strangers around us are going through as we go through our day and they in theirs. It doesn't diminish your pain of course. But you're not alone. When you feel like that, remember that people all over the world are praying for you and Selah--we are with you, perhaps not in person but certainly in spirit.
ReplyDeleteDon't try to think about 5 years from now. We can't change the past, and only God knows the future. Trying to handle more than today is overwhelming. I do believe Selah can be healed and pray for God to heal her every day. May I gently say that if you tell yourself you're going to be in "crisis mode" unless she's healed....you will be. I get caught up in my anxiety unless I can change the way I handle something (and if I don't, it makes my physically sick). There are so many parents who know what you're going through and I can imagine it is not something you "get used to". But I hope and pray you can get to a place where you don't feel in crisis all the time.
xo
Oh, this world...I'm so glad it isn't our home. I'm so thankful for the promise of an eternal life where there is no sadness or sickness or sin. There are so many people who are walking around doing their thing and they are hurting so bad. I hear that :( Come Lord Jesus
ReplyDeleteOh, this world...I'm so glad it isn't our home. I'm so thankful for the promise of an eternal life where there is no sadness or sickness or sin. There are so many people who are walking around doing their thing and they are hurting so bad. I hear that :( Come Lord Jesus
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard. One of my sons was born with a very severe heart defect. After he had his second open heart surgery, because of his heart, he ended up being trach/vent dependent. He was still the same little guy, but he needed a little help. Two months later, he had an unexpected cardiac arrest which changed his ability to move very much, as well as other things. Although he was very different after that, when I looked into his eyes, I always felt that he was still in there. He passed away last year after his intestines unexpectedly twisted and he had emergency abdominal surgery. I will tell you that I would give absolutely anything to have him back in my arms just the way he was. We had occasional nursing help, but even then, I administered all meds and did all suctioning and feeds (he was on continuous g-j tube feeds). It was a 24 hour a day job, but I would have done it forever. Did we miss the boy that he used to be? Absolutely! But, we were thankful that he was alive. He was perfect to us just the way he was! I would have loved to take care of him for a lifetime! I know it is hard. If you ever need any help, I am not far away.
ReplyDeleteI remind myself that at least I do have her with me physically.....and I do not want to sound ungrateful for that!! It's just so hard having her in here but not here......missing all that we lost. I'm sorry for your loss!!!!
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