Six Years Later-Selah

Six years have gone by since that fateful day that changed our lives.  There is so much I can say but this post I wrote on FB three years ago really says it all...

Three years ago the accident that changed our lives forever happened. Looking back I see God's faithful hand in our lives. He never left us, He never forsook us. He was there when we were alone. He worked every detail out for us on so many different levels Beforehand I knew God was faithful NOW I KNOW GOD is Faithful! There's not a devil in hell or anyone on this earth that could make me doubt God or His faithfulness. The last three years have been difficult but we've made it. We're still a close family, we've weathered so many things that brought us closer together rather than apart. I'm grateful. I can remember hardly being able to breath & wondering HOW we could deal with everything but we did by the Grace of God! So whatever you are going through I can promise you that God is able to walk you through it!!!! Just put your trust in Him, don't look to anyone else. What He's done for us He can do for you. You may not have the easiest path but you can have peace!


God has been faithful to us   In many ways we lost our daughter that day.  Just being real here, I've thought if Selah had died we would have found healing from that loss by now.  But every day the pain is there and it's raw.  Don't get me wrong we love our daughter and are completely committed to her care and well being but it has been a difficult road to walk.  There have been no signposts along the way and it's been a very lonely road.  BUT GOD..... He has been with us every minute and every step of the way and I'm forever grateful for that realization  Even as I type this I can think of the many ways God has helped us and strengthened us.  People tell me to write a book but honestly it's more than a book would hold.

I could not have made it this far without God.  Even with Him it's been so difficult.  But I've learned a few things, the number one thing I've learned (besides the faithfulness of God) is every day is a CHOICE!  Every day I chose to trust God.  I remember doctors and social workers telling us that our lives were basically over if we brought Selah home from the hospital.  They said it would ruin our family.... their words scared me but I determined in my heart that OUR HOME WOULD NOT BE A HOUSE OF MOURNING!  And quite honestly, that depended on mine and my husband's daily choices.  We could lay down and live in sorrow but we chose not to do that!  We had four other little people watching our lives and how we dealt with this awful tragedy.  And our lives were very public so there was a watching world looking to see if we were going to honor God even through this....and that was the choice we made.

To be honest, I made that choice for various reasons and even selfish reasons....  let me tell you I knew what it was like to separate my life from God because of heartache.  I'd done that when we lost our twins and that was an awful way to live!  I did not want to experience that bitterness again.   I also did not want to lose my family through sadness and bitterness.  Things like that happen all the time when tragedy strikes.  I knew if I trusted God He would see us through.  And He has!!

Recently I had a long talk with our oldest son about the whole thing and other tragic situations we know of and he told me about how he felt about the whole thing.  It really touched my heart the things he said to me about how Jon and I handled the accident and the 6 months afterwards while Selah was in the hospital and rehab before she was transferred home.  He said he knew everything was going to be ok because he saw we were calm and peaceful (most of the time)  He never doubted us and our ability to mange the situation.  Wow.... that was God helping us!  But even as we went through the very first traumatic day, I somehow kept things together enough to reach out to my other kids and reassure them while being truthful and honest.  My son acknowledged to me that he realizes that we chose to trust God's faithfulness.  That meant so much to me.  While it was all so raw, one of my prayers was that the boys would see this and know that God could also carry them through any situation in life by seeing our example.  I knew they were watching.

Please know I'm not prideful in myself, I could have never ever handled one day of this, let alone 6 years, without God's grace and empowering Spirit.  I have literally thrown myself on the mercy of God time after time.  It's all God but I made a choice to trust God.

Over the years we have had people at our church or people we have met that I call "God accusers".  They tell us stories of how they've felt God has failed them in various areas of their lives because of tragedies.  These folks are bitter and they blame God because life was not perfect.   Recently Jon had someone begin to recount how she felt God failed her and he stopped her and began recounting stories of folks who have walked through the valley but have trusted God.


You know what?  I'm going to trust God. I'm not an optimist or a pessimist...I'm a REALIST!  So to some folks I sound like I'm Miss Sunshine and to others I sound like Miss Gloomy but I tend to be very pragmatic about things.  Life can be extremely hard.  But even in the hard places there is beauty.


We live out our life and commitment to our family day to day.  The future sometimes scares the Hell out of me!  And it drives me to prayer.  I balance so many different things and responsibility but God has given me the strength thus far and I believe He will continue to do so.

 I encourage you to make a choice to trust God in your situation.  CHOOSE daily to depend on Him.  Don't live in defeat no matter what you are going through.  I'm not a person who makes silly statements in a glib way and I realize the realities of life.  Many times I've had to say "God I truest you" through tears knowing that things were not going to go the way I wanted them to go.  I can't change the fact that my daughter was in a near drowning and is living in the aftermath of it but I can CHOOSE to not wallow in grief.

Why anyone, especially a Christian would want to live their life wallowing in grief?  It's not going to change a thing and it robs you of your joy.  I'm not saying we don't grieve-I still grieve the loss of my twins, I still grieve the accident.  As I type this, the clock is nearing the time of when it happened 6 years ago today and my heart just pounds thinking about it and wondering "what if"......   But I make the choice to look towards that day when God Himself will wipe away every tear from our eyes and make all things new.  That's what I'm headed towards....the other stuff is in the past.  I can't wait till the day Selah is heal and whole.  It will be glorious.  The bible says we (Christians) don't grieve as those who have no hope.  It doesn't say we don't grieve, just that we don't grieve in the same way as those who have no hope 

In the story of King David's life, there is the time when his infant son lay dying.  David wept, prayed and fasted.  When the baby died he got up, washed himself and went and worshiped at the temple.   He said the baby can not come back but one day I will go to him.  Well I get that, for any situation.  What has happened, has happened, it's time to quit grieving and get up and go towards God.  That sounds so simple but it's true.  So let me encourage you to trust God through every circumstance of your life.  I can absolutely promise you that He will be faithful to you if you entrust your life to Him. ========================================================================

Selah turned 14 years old yesterday so until next month I have three 14 year olds (Selah, Sam and Shad!)    Recently she's gotten all kinds of new things as she outgrew everything.  She got a new mattress and gel pad for her bed.  She got a new stander and wheelchair, and new hand braces and leg braces.  I'm so grateful for her two insurances that cover almost everything.  I know families in other countries that have such problems getting any type of equipment for their kids.   We are blessed.  Even with two insurances we sometimes have some out of pocket but I'm thankful that we are able to get her and the other kids the things they need.  We are waiting for her new slings for her Hoyer Lift.   She also is getting a new seat for her bath chair.  Someone gave me her nice huge bath chair/bed.  It has a blue cover on it but it's getting frayed so we are ordering a rose pink one! It's going to be so nice!  I pass on all her old equipment to others so it blesses them too.

I want you to notice Selah's head.  she is doing all the moving on her own and she was quite annoyed with us LOL

I love Selah and I'm honored to be her mom.  I'm thankful for all the things she has that makes her life comfortable and helps the nurses care for her.  Selah is usually happy and content.  I'll always ask for prayers for her, I'd love to see her healed this side of heaven....but we are committed to her no matter what happens.